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Luka Couffaine was used to hearing voices in his head.
Specifically, one voice.
He’d been hearing her since he was two, three years old – give or take.
At least, that’s the earliest he could remember it. She wasn’t really intelligible at first – just background noise – but he’d learn later that was probably because she was younger than he was. As they got older, as he learned about Soulmates and the Voices in People’s Heads, he assumed that’s what it was, at least. Because everyone in the world had a Soulmate, and everyone in the world had their Soulmate’s Voice in their head – but only when their Soulmate was really stressed out. Luka didn’t know who decided those were the rules, or why – it was…concerning, at best. Taxing at worst – especially because your Soulmate couldn’t hear you back. So, no matter how many times he’d mentally scream “IT’S OK” her way, she never heard him. What was the point of hearing them panic if you couldn’t do anything about it?
Luka wasn’t really crazy about the concept of Soulmates, but he was pretty sure that was only because his own Soulmate was…a very high-stressed individual. And from the little things he’d picked up from her spazzing…he hadn’t met her yet, but he was pretty sure he was going to fall hard once they did. And it killed him that he could never do anything to make her stress easier.
It started with simple things, when they were younger. I hope Maman and Papa like their surprise! And then the thousand and one ways they might not. Or when she started school, and she worried that no one would like her, or she’d do something super embarrassing, and then she’d have to move to another country, and how much trouble she was bound to cause her Maman and Papa because of it. Luka remembered watching his own baby sister fidget on her first day, never saying a word about the million and one worries racing through her little head. He hugged Juleka because he was a good big brother and he loved her, but in the back of his mind he was sending his Soulmate a hug, too.
She always sounded like she needed it.
As they got older, the stressors got worse. Tests, projects, learning to bake – she had set her kitchen on fire learning how to make crème brûlée, and he was nine when he woke up in a panic thinking she’d been trapped inside as the building burned down. (She’d been crying and beating herself up the rest of the night, though, and it wasn’t long before he’d realized she’d only been worrying about being burned alive. So, even though he couldn’t actually comfort her, at least he knew she was safe.) Making friends. Losing friends. Finding him and falling in love.
He loved his Soulmate – as much as you could love someone you’d never met (but been privy to every mental freak-out of) – but part of him…worried. She was exhausting. A great person with a kind heart, but such a spazz.
He was ten when he determined the very first thing he would do, when they finally met, was give her the Biggest Hug Ever.
Because Luka just…wasn’t like that. Luka had learned early how hot anger could burn, how taxing fear could be, and how everything could be destroyed in the ensuing storm. His mother was an inferno, and his sister jumped at her own shadow. His father…was never a factor. Maybe that’s where he got it from, the calm. Whatever the cause, Luka had learned early on to be steady. Constant. The anchor when his ma blazed free and his sister was tossed about. And sure, he had his moments – but they were short-lived. He’d started meditating young, and he’d bottled things up even younger. His friends called him chill. Luka just…didn’t want to be one more thing for his Soulmate to worry about. She seemed to have enough on her plate.
…especially when Hawkmoth started manipulating people like her in his mad quest for magical jewelry.
Those first few weeks had been the worst of Luka’s life.
He’d worried constantly, but nowhere near as much as his Soulmate. I can’t do this. What was Tikki thinking? What if I fail? I’m going to fail.
It’s all my fault. I screwed up. Paris is doomed and it’s all on me.
I can’t figure it out. What is this for? How am I ever going to…?
He spent every day those first few weeks constantly afraid his Soulmate was going to become Hawkmoth’s next victim. He was amazed she hadn’t heard him yet (none of her thoughts ever indicated that she had, at least), but then again with the constant barrage he was getting – usually akuma-related – he figured she probably couldn’t hear his voice over her own. It was the most stressed out he could ever remember being, and it was all because of her. Eventually, the pieces started clicking, and he figured it out.
It wasn’t hard, after a while. He had no idea who his Soulmate was, but…he was pretty sure she was Ladybug.
…and no sooner had he realized that than new worries started coming in. About his sister and her friends. A new classmate named Adrien. The painful two weeks she’d been smitten and spazzing over a crush on said classmate until another akuma attacked, his voice wasn’t in her head, and she realized how dumb she had been (never, she didn’t know, God he just wanted to hug her). The concerns over her superhero partner not taking a damn hint and how can I do this with him when Chat only wants to flirt but how can I do this without him I can’t fight Hawkmoth alone? The fear over every classmate getting akumatized. The fear over Juleka when Hawkmoth had made her Reflekta.
So he was pretty sure his Soulmate was Ladybug. He was also pretty sure she was in his sister’s class.
And then came the Music Festival. And then came Marinette, and that niggling of familiarity, but for once…not really worrying about the Voice in his head because he was a little distracted by the Voice outside of it.
But then came worrying about keeping his ma out of jail again. And then, even as he tried to mediate the situation, the voice, quieter than usual but painfully clear: I hope the Captain doesn’t get akumatized. I hope this day doesn’t get ruined for Juleka and Rose and Ivan and Luka. Luka looks so upset. Luka…
He blamed himself, in the end. He had been distracted just enough, turning wide eyes on the nervous girl behind him, that he hadn’t spoken fast enough. Or he hadn’t found the right words. Or…
But it had all worked out, in the end. Ladybug – Marinette – had saved the day. And he had agonized over how to tell her, how to broach the subject, how to ask if…he had started to hope he had found her. It was after the band had been winding down and people were starting to head home, and he’d still been mulling over his what he could possibly say when he brought Marinette a drink.
“Thirsty?” he asked, making her jump away from the rail. Her hand fluttered over her heart, and his smile warmed as he held the cup out for her.
“…sorry. Thanks, I mean,” she said, taking the drink from him. He leaned against the rail and took a sip from his own cup.
“You always this jumpy, Ma-Ma-Marinette?” he teased, but he immediately regretted it when he saw her wince. “Sorry. I can stop, if you –”
“No it’s…I mean yes, I’m…” she tried, but then snapped her mouth shut and puffed out her cheeks in frustration. In his head, she was screaming. He tried to dismiss the thought that she was adorable – he didn’t think it would help much. “I’m sorry. Yes, I’m…excessively jumpy, you could say. Alya says I’m a spazz. Which…is true. I over-think and freak out and…yoooou don’t know me and probably aren’t interested in any of this and are just being polite aaaaand I’m gonna shut up. Right now.”
The sun was well on its way down, and the deck was only lit up by the faint glow of fairy lights, but he was pretty sure he could see a blush rising to her cheeks. He chuckled and shook his head, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder.
“You’re pretty cool, Ma-Ma…Marinette,” he said, smiling sheepishly when her eyes snapped up to him again. He squeezed her shoulder once more before moving his arm back to the rail. “You were incredible today. Brave, and sweet, and funny, and…yeah, I don’t know you very well, but I think I’d like to. If that’s something you’re interested in. I’d like to be friends.”
For the first time in years, the voice in his head was completely silent. Her smile warmed, and her hands tightened on her cup.
“I’d like that, Luka,” she said, her eyes never leaving him. “You’re pretty sweet, too, you know. You stayed so calm today…”
“You were pretty calm, too,” he said. At her incredulous look, he shrugged. “Well, you seemed calm, at least. You kept your head on you. Found Ladybug and got her to save the day and everything.”
“Yeah, I’m a great actress,” she scoffed. She winked at him and bopped her head with a fist. “Outward? Cool as a cucumber. Up here? Basket case. I guess I’m lucky I don’t have a Soulmate. I’d probably have driven them nuts by now with all my spazzing.”
Luka paused, his drink halfway to his lips.
“You…don’t have a Soulmate?” he asked. He hoped he didn’t sound as shocked as he felt. He would have sworn…
“Well, either that or they’re like the chillest person ever,” she laughed. “I’ve…never heard them, at least. I just assumed that meant I didn’t have one. Everyone else has heard their soulmate by now.”
“Maybe you’re just thinking too loud,” he said with a kind smile. He tapped her forehead, and her cheeks turned that lovely rosy shade again. “Maybe he is pretty chill, but maybe you’re just not listening hard enough.”
For a moment – the briefest moment – time seemed to stop, and she looked at him like…and he almost told her. But then the Voice picked up again, quieter than he’d ever heard it before, and he lost his nerve.
…I wish it was you. I’d hate for it to be you. I can’t put you through this. I don’t even know you. You’re so good. You deserve better than…
He smiled and reached out, clapping her shoulder. It was the closest to a hug he’d let himself get.
“Take care, Marinette,” he said. “Don’t be a stranger. I meant it about being friends.”
“…yeah,” she said, her voice whisper-quiet as he walked away. “Me…me, too.”
– V –
Marinette started coming around the Liberty more after that. She liked Juleka’s older brother. He was funny, and sweet, and kind, and…Marinette was finding herself somewhat smitten. There was just…something about him. Something that made her feel…calm. Steady. She liked that, and she liked Luka. A lot. Enough that she maybe started to hope…but it was a few weeks after the Captain had been akumatized, when she had come with Juleka and Rose to the boat after school to study for an upcoming test, that those hopes were dashed hard against the proverbial rocks.
“You…you found your Soulmate already?” she asked, flabbergasted. She had never seen…he had never said…
“Yeah,” he said, tipping his head back and smiling at the sky. “She’s something else, you know. Very…loud. Super stressed. I worry about her a lot.”
“I never would have…that seems so weird,” she said, laughing nervously. He looked over at her, an eyebrow raised, and she swung her feet against the crate she was sitting on. She wondered when Juleka and Rose were getting back with that pizza. Two minutes ago, she’d been hoping they’d get stuck in traffic or something. Now they couldn’t get back fast enough. “Your Soulmate being loud. You’re…not what I think of as loud, Luka.”
“The day we met I blew away an entire city block of cars with my amp,” he said, both eyebrows lifting. She laughed and shoved at his shoulder, and he chuckled as he looked back at his guitar. “There’s different types of loud, Marinette. Different types of quiet, too. I think we balance out.”
He played that tune he’d been fidgeting with for as long as she’d known him. She wondered what it was, if he was ever going to finish it, and how long did it actually take to write a song, anyway.
“Any closer to finding yours?” he asked, glancing up from beneath his bangs. She felt her face flush at that look.
“…no,” she said, shaking her head. She stopped swinging her feet and gripped the edge of the crate. “Still too loud up here, I guess.”
He hummed, but he didn’t say anything else in reply. She swallowed and looked up at him. His head was tipped back again, his eyes closed, as he continued to pick out that tune. She felt a lump rise in her throat as she studied his profile.
She wished it was him. She hadn’t wished someone was her Soulmate so hard since Adrien had joined her class.
– V –
Because Luka had been right. There were different types of loud, and different types of quiet. She needed to listen, but…maybe he also needed to be louder.
It took Bob Roth for Luka to reach that point.
It took the thieving jerk threatening her career, her future, her friends for Luka to finally reach that point. And even then…Marinette didn’t hear him until it was too late.
He can’t do this! They’re stealing our hard work, and they can’t –!
…her work, her future, her…
That is LUKA’S song, Rose’s music, Juleka’s dance –!
…don’t threaten her don’t touch her don’t…
You won’t get away with this! You –!
LEAVE. HER. ALONE.
Marinette knew that voice, but she didn’t hear it over her own fury until it was howling. The furious words made her own die in her throat, and she looked at him just in time to see the shadows overtake him.
And now that she’d heard him…now that she knew what she was listening for…now that he was fighting for control…she couldn’t stop.
Hawkmoth’s victims never remembered much of their time under his control. Part of her had hoped they just…went to sleep. They blacked out when the akuma – when Hawkmoth – took over, and they just slept through the horrible things they did. But she’d never known. No one ever remembered. She’d never been akumatized herself to know. No one ever talked about it.
…and for someone named Silencer, for someone as chill as Luka Couffaine, she’d never dreamed he could scream so loud.
It was hard to fight, hearing the constant NO STOP DON’T every time Silencer took a swing at her. Hearing the stream of apologies. Hearing the ragged cries when he stole her voice, or the rage when he’d had to fight Chat. When he maybe didn’t hold back (like he’d tried to with her) when he fought Chat.
The only thing that was worse was the silence when it was all over.
They were walking back to the Liberty after everything, the rest of the band still flying high after their first live on-air performance. Luka was…quiet, his head down and his hands in his pockets. She was quieter as she walked beside him, both sticking to the back of the group. When the boat came into view, Marinette stopped. Luka stopped, too, and when Juleka looked back in concern he waved them on.
Marinette didn’t know where to start.
“Are you ok?” she asked. It seemed so…weak. Lacking. Of course he wasn’t ok. What was she thinking?
“…are you?” he asked. She scoffed a little.
“I wasn’t the one akumatized,” she said. Her breath hitched, a lump rising in her throat and choking her. “I wasn’t the one…”
“…I wasn’t the one who had to fight me while listening to…I told you, Marinette. You’re loud,” he said quietly. He turned towards her, his hand slipping out of his pocket and reaching for her own. “I don’t remember, Marinette. But you haven’t been able to look at me since we left the studio. And you haven’t stopped up here,” he tapped a finger against his temple to emphasize his point, “since…was it…please tell me I didn’t hurt you.”
“You could never hurt me, Luka,” she said fiercely, looking up at him. He chuckled weakly.
“Yeah, I could,” he said. He reached up, cupping her cheek and brushing away the tear she hadn’t realized had escaped. “I’m so sorry, Marinette. I was…I was so angry. And then he grabbed you like that, and then…I don’t remember anything. I just remember you being scared.”
“You were scared, too,” she said. “Luka, you…how long have you known?”
“That you were my Soulmate or about your bug problem?” he quipped. She snorted and reached up, her fingers wrapping around his wrist as she leaned into his touch.
“Both? Either? God, you must hate me…” she sighed.
“At first, yeah,” he said, laughing weakly. He bent towards her, resting his forehead against her own. “I told you. You’re loud. I was annoyed at first, but then I was just…worried. More than anything, I wanted to give you a hug. I always thought someone that stressed out wasn’t getting enough hugs.”
She choked on a laugh, or maybe more tears. He kissed her forehead and brushed them away.
“Please don’t cry, Ma-Ma-Marinette,” he sighed. “Are you…are you disappointed it’s me?”
“No, you idiot,” she said with a watery laugh. “I wanted it to be you. I just…I’m glad you don’t remember, Luka, You were…you…you were so scared, and in so much pain, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it –”
“You did, though,” he said. “You purified the akuma. You set me free. I’m so sorry I put you through that. I’m sor-”
“Just shut up and hug me,” she said, squeezing his wrist. She looked up at him, and he blinked surprised eyes at her. “Please? You said you wanted to hug me. So hug me, Luka.”
…she didn’t have to tell him twice.
Luka had this…way about him. She wasn’t sure if it was a Soulmate thing or just a Luka thing. But he always made her so calm, and as he wrapped her in his arms she felt that calm surround her like…well. Like a warm hug.
And in the quiet, if she listened, she could hear him loud and clear.
thank you. i’m sorry. i love you. god, can i kiss you…?
She squeaked and pressed her face against his chest, squishing her nose against the zipper of his hoodie. His arms tightened around her as the panic rose.
Stop it it’s fine don’t hate yourself over yes yes please yes…
“…Marinette?” he asked quietly, his voice muffled by her blazer.
“Hmm?” she hummed, burrowing closer. He squeezed his arms around her.
“…can I kiss you?” he murmured.
She took a step back. She stared at him, wondering at the light flush on his cheeks. She reached up and cupped his face in her hands, brushing her thumbs beneath his eyes, which closed at her touch. Instead of answering, she pulled him towards her.
It would have been a perfect first kiss, if he hadn’t started chuckling two seconds into it.
“What?” she whined, pulling back to pout at him. He kept chuckling and brushed his thumb against her lower lip.
“Nothing,” he said, smiling before he bent to kiss her again. “It’s just…you’re quiet.”
And she was.