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Kyungsoo walks the familiar path to the music room in the Humanities building with a goal in mind: to confess to his crush.
Normally, people who are on their way to confess would have dilly dallied, trying to delay the inevitable. They would have stopped every chance they got: maybe get a drink first, wash their faces with cold water, take a deep breath to gather themselves. They would have struggled the whole way.
But not Kyungsoo. Well, he's not just some people anyway.
He walks with purposeful steps. He didn't have any reason to postpone, is actually the one who wanted to do this while his friends convinced him not to go through with it when he told them. Actually, all except Jongin who, after a pause, started laughing his head off like there's an inside joke hidden somewhere in his simple "I'm confessing tomorrow and ending this shit". But Jongin is weird sometimes so..
The reason why he felt compelled to confess is because today, in a few hours to be exact, will be the fourth month since he acknowledged he has a crush. 'A quadrimester' he thinks idly. He can almost hear Jongdae complaining about his use of fancy, obscure words and Baekhyun scoffing about Kyungsoo being an English freak and intellectual snob. Minseok will most likely say: 'Highfalutin. That's on brand' because Minseok is also an intellectual (that's why he's his favorite) while Junmyeon would just say that he also knows that word (Kyungsoo will believe him but he will act like he doesn't because it's Junmyeon and that's how their friendship works).
Anyway, it's been a quadrimester and that's just not good because Minseok said that crushes only last four months and any longer is already love (and he believes Minseok because Minseok is an intellectual and his favorite - did he say that already? Kyungsoo doesn't care because it's the truth) which means Kyungsoo can't still have this crush tomorrow.
Tomorrow, this will already be love.
The thing is, people would've let nature take its course, would've gone along basking in the realization that they're in love. But, again, Kyungsoo is not just some people.
Kyungsoo is neither a fan of unrequited love nor is he especially keen in experiencing it firsthand. He doesn't subscribe to the delusion that there are underlying forces at work or that destiny cares enough to do its magic in his love life. He's not a child of the cosmos and certainly not God's favorite. And he knows the universe is a jerk most of the time, he's a pragmatist like that.
"You're a negative Nancy", Jongdae once said. "No, he's killjoy Kyungsoo", Baekhyun countered, raising his hand for a high-five, the two idiots cackling. He slapped them both upside their heads as they deserved.
See, Kyungsoo has a plan. It's what he's done for all of his three crushes. He confessed to them so he can let go of his feelings because he never felt like he wanted anything more anyway. He welcomed the giddy emotions, exhausted the happiness from them, and promptly let them go. And it had always helped to say it out loud, removing the excitement of its secrecy as if verbalizing it extinguished the magic of the feeling.
The problem is, Kyungsoo has always felt his crush coming to an end so confessing to put a stop to it seemed like a foregone conclusion. It's like seeing the countdown of the streetlight so he can step on the brake and ease himself to a stop. But this doesn't feel like it's going to end anytime soon and, truth be told, he is getting worried. It's the first one he had that's lasted long enough for his friends to get wind of. All of the previous ones (including the confessions) had been under their radars (and considering Baekhyun's nosiness, that's a fucking achievement) except Minseok (he's never felt the need to hide anything from the older). At this point, he doesn't care if it's contrived. It just has to stop.
Honestly, he's so invested in stopping it because he doesn't see any point to it and he doesn't like pointless things. Even if he wanted more, it's not like his crush will be reciprocated such that he can expect a relationship in his future - not that he wants something more at this point. Of course it's not beyond the realms of possibility but it's highly improbable.
Jongdae said he's being too hard on himself and that's sweet of him but the truth is, Kyungsoo has long accepted that although he has his attractions, it's nowhere near enough for their romantic entanglement to make sense. If ever they do get involved, Kyungsoo imagines people's confusion and eventual disappointment. He's not the type to deny that a match has to have a certain level of equality, maybe not to the extent you could dub it as made in heaven, to exist peacefully in this judgmental world. Something that makes people exclaim ahhhhh because it just clicks and not voice out questions of why him? Frankly, he just didn't want the complications.
He's taking the steps to get inside the Humanities building, sure and steady when he starts to feel anxiety slowly creeping in his being. That's new for Kyungsoo when, during all the times he did this, there's always that sense of impersonal resolve that tides him over the whole ordeal. He paused trying to think of why he's feeling so negatively all of a sudden.
Is it possible that he actually doesn't want this to end?
Of course not, Kyungsoo thinks. It's preposterous ("You can just say 'ridiculous', Kyungja. Why use something as pretentious as 'preposterous'?") Why would he? Even if he did, he didn't have the time for it while maintaining his straight As, Theater Club, and Student Council. But those didn't matter because he didn't want this.
He shakes his head hoping to rid his mind of those thoughts and continues his way to the Music Club room.
He is walking through the corridor to get to the room which is at the farthest end. He was hoping to catch the guy to talk to him before their club activities started, having already asked permission from the club president to excuse him for today. He's normally annoyed with Baekhyun, but this time, he's glad he has him as one of his best friends. He's still not his favorite despite Baekhyun's whining about doing this big favor. Of course it's a big one, Kyungsoo's very much aware of it, considering the guy is their main music producer after Yixing graduated last year with Minseok and Junmyeon. He'll just have to make it to Baekhyun some other way. Maybe packed lunches for a week would be a great enough bribe?
He is almost at the end of the corridor where he has to turn right when he hears voices coming from the stairwell across the club room which was to his left. The voices getting louder as well as the sounds of roughhousing, Kyungsoo slowed his steps, letting them pass in front of him. He halts completely when he sees the guy walking nearest to him. Unease settling again as the butterflies erupt in his stomach. Even though the guy is facing slightly away from him to continue the playful banter with the person beside him, Kyungsoo will never mistake that figure for anyone else.
It's him.
He almost goes unnoticed until he locks eyes with the other person. Of course it's Jongin, who else would he come with to the club room on a Wednesday (yes, Kyungsoo knows a little about his schedule, what about it? He's not being creepy. Jongin told him a few days after learning of his crush even though Kyungsoo didn't ask. It just happened to stick to his mind, not that he tried very hard to remember because he's not a creep.) Kyungsoo thinks he sees a glint of mischief in Jongin's eyes as the latter leans closer to the guy's left ear to whisper something before both walk out of Kyungsoo's view. Heaving a sigh, he starts walking again, making the right turn to see the guy playfully punching Jongin's arm and Jongin trying to dodge while laughing obnoxiously.
He sees Jongin run ahead to the door only to turn around after reaching for the doorknob. He's pointing behind the guy right at Kyungsoo. He can also make out Jongin's mouth saying 'It's really Kyungsoo. Look!' The guy pauses as he catches up to Jongin, spins around quickly, making direct eye contact with Kyungsoo. He freezes, eyes slowly widening, long enough for Jongin to slip inside the club room and close the door behind him which seems to jolt the guy out of his temporary immobility. He turns again, not saying a word, only to find the door locked after twisting the knob. He started pounding on the door with one hand while the other is still twisting the knob shouting for Jongin.
Kyungsoo closes the distance hesitantly.
"Hey Chanyeol"
Chanyeol stops and takes a while to face him again. Ears red and looking everywhere but Kyungsoo, he returns the greeting with a quiet hey.
"I was wondering if I can, maybe, talk to you?"
Anxious eyes look back at him quickly before they settle a few inches away to the right of his face.
"Right now? I'm sorry but I have music club in a few."
"I know. I already asked Baekhyun to excuse you just for today so I could talk to you. It's.. kind of important."
"Oh. Is it about the movies? Really, Soo, it's nothing. It's okay if you wanted to say no. No need to be so serious about it." Chanyeol shifts his weight, right hand scratching at his neck, still avoiding eye contact. "It's just.. we haven't really watched in a proper cinema before and you said you're waiting for this movie and I got the tickets so I thought, you know, if you wanted to watch it with me. It's okay if you don't want to. If you want to watch it with the others.. or, you know, with someone else."
"Chanyeol, I'm--"
"Sorry. I don't really care if you're with someone else. Wait, no, that's not-- I mean of course I do care if you have someone--" He closes his eyes, eyebrows scrunching and exhaling exaggeratedly. "’I shouldn't’ is what I mean."
"Chanyeol, I do want to go to the movies with you."
Chanyeol peeks at him, "You do?"
"Yes. But before that, I need to talk to you about something," Kyungsoo says, getting distracted by the smile slowly spreading across Chanyeol's face.
"Okay. What about?"
"Mind if we go by the fire exit? I don't want anyone to overhear."
Kyungsoo didn't wait for Chanyeol's reply before he turns around and walks to the direction of the stairwell aiming for the emergency exit at the back of the last flight.
I like you, Chanyeol but you don't have to do anything about it. I just wanted to tell you so I can stop liking you and we can go back to being friends. And then we can continue going home together and eating at that takoyaki place or have movie marathons or jamming sessions in each other's dorms or cook for each other and study together.. as friends. And you can forget this ever happened and we can laugh about this in the future like.. 'remember that time when I had a crush on you for too long, four months to be exact, and I almost thought I was falling in love with you?'
Kyungsoo tries to remember so he could repeat it in his mind. He's usually really good with words but, all of a sudden, he finds it hard to recall any of them, only able to think of the I like you, Chanyeol part and totally blanking on the rest. So instead, he ends up repeating I like you, Chanyeol every step of the way.
Getting flustered, he doesn't wait for Chanyeol to quite reach him before blurting out, "I like you, Chanyeol." He faces Chanyeol who stands frozen a few steps away from him again. Eyes widening again. Kyungsoo is starting to feel the panic as his carefully laid plans slowly unravel because he can't remember what he's supposed to say next.
Kyungsoo struggles but finds them again despite feeling his heart in his throat, "but you don't have to do anything about it. I just wanted to tell you so--"
"I like you, too, Kyungsoo," Chanyeol almost yelled excitedly. Big strides and then he's crowding into Kyungsoo's personal space. Too close for Kyungsoo to remain coherent.
".. I can--," he trails off before what Chanyeol said catches up to him, "YOU WHAT??!"
"I said I like you, too, Soo. I have for the longest time. I thought you'd never reciprocate but I guess all those efforts did pay off."
"For the longest time? What??! Efforts?! I don't understand?"
"Oh. Well, Jongin knew right off the bat so I thought I was being really obvious like when we spend our weekends in each other's dorm to watch those old movies you love so much. I mean I like you but some of them are boring." Chanyeol catches himself waving his hands in front in defense, "Just some of them though--"
"It's so obvious though, can't you see? He likes you, Kyungja," Baekhyun said, exasperated. "No one will willingly sacrifice their weekends just to watch those old, boring movies you love so much unless they like you. We love you with all our being but we don't survive past 30 minutes of one. I mean we've tried many times but they're really boring."
Kyungsoo scoffed, "Minseok hyung watches with me and Junmyeon hyung sometimes as well."
"Well, Minseok hyung is old," he sees a towel flying across the room towards Baekhyun's face and Baekhyun yelps as he's hit before continuing, "and Junmyeon hyung likes to pretend he's cultured."
"I'm not pretending!" Junmyeon protested.
"Well there's just no accounting for taste you uncultured swine."
"No, we're just too cool for your lame shit."
"-- I mean I think my tolerance for spicy food has improved because I've been eating so much of them when I'm with you. But Soo, I really don't like mint chocolate. I mean I could just give them to you, right? Like every time you're stressed with an exam or student council work?"
"And everyone knows he doesn't like spicy food and he eats all the spicy food you order and cook. Because it's you, Kyungja. Only because it's you."
"He always knows when you're stressed and he always brings you mint chocolate, even sharing it with you sometimes. He likes you enough to pretend he's enjoying it because that shit's nauseous," Jongdae said while making a disgusted face at him.
"First of all, it's 'nauseating' not 'nauseous'." He can see at the edge of his vision Baekhyun rolling his eyes, "Second of all, fuck you, mint chocolate is the ambrosia of mortals." Now he can see, right in front of him, Jongdae rolling his eyes.
"And we can still do all of those things that we already do together like studying, discovering new places to eat at, jamming, and just walking home after school. But I wanted to be able to pull you close so you can rest your head on my shoulder for a quick nap at the library. Call them dates when we go out. Sing cheesy love songs to you. And wait for you at the end of the day so we can walk home together while holding hands."
"It's borderline painful, Soo, watching Chanyeol try to be subtle when it comes to you," Junmyeon offered with a grimace. "He's an awkward, clumsy oaf. His efforts to be smooth is just asking for too much. I can't count how many times he did the yawn-stretch first date move to try and put an arm around you so he can pull you to his side in the library when you're sleepy." Baekhyun and Jongdae nodding their agreement. "Or how many times he's tried to keep you to himself, in your own little world, when the gang is out pretending it's just you two on a date. It's getting frustrating to see him trying to grab your hand whenever you're walking side by side."
"Remember how stupid he looked that time when Seonho sunbae came to say hi at our table? He was trying so hard to keep Kyungja in the corner and using his height so he would not see past his shoulders? He was almost pinning Kyungja to the wall, he should've just went in for a hug."
"No, Baek, that's stupid. If Chanyeol did that, Kyungsoo would definitely see sunbae with his chin on Chanyeol's shoulder!"
"No, Dae, you're stupid. Kyungja won't see! Not if Chanyeol squished him to his chest."
"And Kyungsoo will die from mortification, I expect." Kyungsoo whipped his head to look at Minseok who didn't say anything until then. He was surprised but also annoyed when he realized Minseok's actually siding with the idiots.
"I know I should've said something sooner but I didn't know if you felt the same way even though everyone said you do. But you're my best friend even though we've only been close for less than a year and I didn't want to risk what we have so far if you didn't like me back. I'm just really glad you confessed because now we can start our relationship. Don't worry about drastic changes, we can just do our usual routine and go at a pace you're comfortable with. If you want, maybe we can start with something familiar like we can go to our takoyaki place now so we can plan our movie date?"
"Don't confess thinking it'll end just like all those other times," he can see the two beagles perking up at that new information, "especially when you know that this already feels very different from them." Minseok looked at him, older brother mode kicking in. "Soo, if you're going to confess, at least hear him out okay? Don't try to end the conversation before he gets to say his piece. Stop letting go of things before you're even sure that they're really not for you. You'll miss so many chances to be happy like that. You're a pragmatist, I respect that but being one doesn't mean you have to rationalize every little thing as sour grapes or sweet lemons."
"But if you still go ahead with this plan of yours like I know you would because you're just obstinate," Minseok winked as he said the word while everyone else groaned in irritation, "I promise you, it won't break your way."
"I can accept Minseok hyung being right and maybe even Junmyeon hyung but I can't believe those stupid beagles knew it before me," he murmurs to himself.
"Soo?" Kyungsoo looks up realizing he hasn't heard everything that Chanyeol has been saying, mind wandering to that time when he told his best friends about his plan on confessing.
"Hmm?" he hums in acknowledgment.
"I asked if you wanted to go to our takoyaki place now and talk about our movie plans?"
Our?
"Yes, that'd be nice." It happened in a blink: he finds himself being squished to a strong chest, enveloped by strong arms in the tightest, warmest hug he's ever experienced.
"Thank you, Soo! I can't believe you're my boyfriend now!" Chanyeol mumbles to his head before kissing his forehead and promptly letting him go.
"I'm your --" he started, bewildered.
"Let's go, Soo-yah!" Chanyeol said before he could finish his thought. Confused and still figuring out the when and how of this sudden relationship, he feels himself being dragged along by an eager Chanyeol, their fingers interlaced.
Kyungsoo walks the familiar path from the music room in the Humanities building having confessed to his crush. But instead of walking out alone, he finds himself with a boyfriend, hands intertwined with Chanyeol, still a little disbelieving but a little bit more ready to be in love tomorrow..
..or today.
Listening to the excited way Chanyeol rambles about all the things they'll be doing as boyfriends and looking at the big grin and sparkling eyes directed at him, he finds himself feeling okay either way.