Work Text:
“Are you sure you’re fine with this? Tokoyami-kun won't be mad if you change your mind,” Kaminari Denki’s voice sounds soft for once and Shouto hates the fact that he knows the exact reason why. Shouto hates the way his best friend Denki knew why Shouto probably shouldn’t agree to this when their mutual friend– more of an acquaintance to him– asked if he’d be willing to join his next Youtube video. Shouto’s aware of what it’s about, given that Denki had explained and tried to subtly convince him to not do it, but Shouto had always been a stubborn person so everything the blonde had said was simply brushed away.
Shouto had spent the last three days in a strange state of time dilation. The last few hours had flown with frightening rapidity, but the minutes seem to drag on for eons. His mind had been in a worse state. Shouto has never been someone who’d waste his time daydreaming or sitting around doing nothing, always busy with paperwork or sticking to his daily productive routine. But these last few months, he finds himself lying around doing nothing but staring at the ceiling. The unusual silence at home doesn’t help much too.
It’s too late to change his mind, or even make up a reason why he doesn’t want to do this. He’s pretty sure he doesn’t even need one. Everyone would understand since what he had agreed on doing today isn’t something easy for him, or even the others who had agreed. One way or another, this whole thing is going to end up as a disaster anyway. Shouto thought he could be strong and brave enough to do this, but he realizes now that he may have overestimated his own feelings and abilities.
The grip on his phone tightens and Shouto breathes. He breathes through the excoriating pain that lances the inside of his chest again and again with every inhale, every exhale, every single thing that reminds him of him . Eventually, as time goes by, the pain will either fade away slowly or he will have to learn to live with it. Shouto prefers the latter, he thinks. He’d rather be reminded of the pain than lose the feeling forever.
“Hey, buddy. We’re here. Do you need time to, uh, I don’t know, meditate or something?” Shouto isn’t used to Denki talking so gently and kindly. It doesn’t suit him. He had always been the loudest one in the group, forever teasing and making inappropriate jokes whenever they gathered around for game night. Shouto doesn’t need his sympathy. He’s sick of people sympathizing and telling him that they’re sorry for his loss. Shouto doesn’t deserve any of it.
He shakes his head after a few minutes of staring into nothing, and gets out of the car before they both make their way to the studio they had agreed to meet at. Shouto hasn't really been paying attention to Tokoyami’s Youtube career, but if he can afford to rent out a studio in a nice looking building in the middle of Tokyo, that probably means he has a good amount of followers and watchers. Suddenly, this doesn’t sound like a good idea.
Denki did all the talking at the desk in front while Shouto stays behind and tries to keep his breathing even. He’s already here. There’s no backing out at this point. Shouto’s head shot up when he felt a slight tug on his sleeve, pulling him into the elevator as they made their way up to the fourth floor. Shouto and Denki share one last look before they finally enter the medium sized studio at the end of the hallway. It wasn’t decorated or fancily set up; a light purple backdrop and a comfortable looking stool in the middle. Compared to the stifling car ride here, it looks bigger but no better. It is just as suffocating in here with no windows with the only source of light coming from the tall studio lights surrounding the camera in the middle.
So this is the atmosphere they’re going with?
“You’re here,” A gruff voice interrupts his train of thoughts, and Shouto recognizes it as Shinsou Hitoshi’s, his best friend’s fiancé, and his best friend. Denki chuckles lowly beside him, shrugging and pulling the taller in front of them into a gentle hug. He hears Shinsou huff in annoyance, frowning at Shouto. His eyebags look darker and heavier, and Shouto assumes it’s probably from the new job he had taken over. His job that Shinsou had taken over.
“Be nice, Hitoshi,” Denki warns, in a not-so-subtle whisper, and Shouto tries his best to not roll his eyes. Shinsou hasn’t been nice to him ever since things had happened, and if Shouto were to be honest, he doesn’t really blame him. He would hate himself too, especially after everything that had happened.
“Last one here, Sho. Are you sure you wanna do this?’’ The blonde asks, a worried look etched on his face as he clings to his fiancé’s arm. Shouto breathes in deeply and opens his mouth to respond, but before he even has the chance to, Tokoyami makes his presence known and greets the two of them.
“Good evening, Denki, Todoroki-kun,” The man bows slightly before giving Shouto an encouraging smile. “You’re the last one today, so you can take your time. The studio’s rented until six. I think three hours should be more than enough, unless…” Tokoyami drags his words, exchanging looks with Denki and Shinsou like they’re having a silent conversation.
“That would be fine,” He spoke for the first time that day, voice sounding a little hoarse and dry from all the crying and screaming he did the night before. Tokoyami nods slowly and makes a motion for Shouto to follow him to the stool situated in the middle of the purple backdrop, Denki and Shinsou both staying behind the camera where there is a small couch ready for them.
“I’m ready to start anytime you are, Todoroki-kun,” Tokoyami says softly, as Shouto nods absentmindedly. “Remember, you’re allowed to stop anytime you want. I won’t hold you back on stopping and backing out halfway if you decide that you can’t do this. You will be given a chance to rewatch the recording and let me know parts that you want to be deleted. If you can’t, maybe Denki won’t mind doing it for you?” He continues, as he sends Denki a questioning look, which the blonde had nodded.
“Okay,” Shouto whispers and gathers all the remaining strength he has in him before he allows Tokoyami to start recording.
“Alright. Recording in three, two, one,” Even the soft sound of the button from the camera makes him flinch, and Shouto suddenly finds the studio lights to be so bright that it almost hurts his eyes. He doesn’t bother telling Tokoyami any of this. It can’t be compared to the amount of hurt he had put him through.
“Do you still have any texts from anyone that’s passed away?”
Shouto takes a deep breath and looks down at his hands that has been fidgeting with his phone for the past few minutes before replying, “…Yes,”
“Would you be willing to share about your relationship with them?”
Shouto’s lips curled slightly at the thought, before settling into a thin line once again. “My husband. We had been married for five years. We met each other at fifteen, started dating two years later and got married when I was twenty two. He’s a year older,” So many years had passed since they met and yet, scenes from their early dating days– and the happier days– are still so vivid in Shouto’s mind. It replayed, over and over again to remind Shouto that those days had once existed, but things had changed and there is only himself to blame.
Other times, Shouto would also find himself struggling to remember something, something about his husband that is absolutely important to him and he has a moment of absolute horror. Like that one time when cried until he couldn't breathe because he couldn't remember his shoe size.
“What were your husband’s last texts?”
“…Uh,” Shouto mumbles as he opens his phone with shaky hands, scrolling down a little to find his husband’s name still there. He sighs in relief, as if it’s possible for their chat history to magically disappear. There isn’t anything super important or memorable to keep anyway, but Shouto likes that he has one more thing to remind him of the other, despite their chat history being just sad and dry .
Sunshine
hey :(
rmbr jirou? They just told me that the cat café we used to have our dates at is shutting down next week :( We should go on sunday!! I hope they still have those kitty macaroons u like!
OHHHHH free cookies too apparently :D
“He wanted to take me to this cat café near our old campus. We used to have our dates there every week. I never had a pet before, and he thought a cat would be nice for me to start with,” Shouto says with a sad smile, as he shows the camera his screen. He can’t quite remember if Tokoyami had requested for screenshots but he’ll just ask later. Shouto looks at the bright screen of his phone, remembering how he can basically hear the excitement and sadness just from the texts alone.
No one speaks for a while as they observe the way Shouto stares at his screen. The silence was soon cut off by another question by Tokoyami.
“Did you guys end up going to the café before it was shut down?”
Me
Can’t. I’ll be busy.
Sunshine
oh
i guess ure bringing back paperwork?
thats fine!!!
i made your favourite today!!!
come back home?
“…N-No. I was busy,” He stutters and continues to look down. He can’t even remember being that busy that day, now that he thinks about it. Paperwork was just paperwork that can be done at the office, and considering how fast Shouto works, he doubts it would’ve taken long. He could have spared one weekend to indulge his husband. But he didn’t.
He slowly looks up and notices that the three have different looks etched on their faces. Tokoyami looks neutral but Shouto’s observant enough to notice the disappointment on his face. Denki smiles at him sadly, and then quickly avoids his eyes. Shinsou glares at him with his dark eyes and Shouto winces inwardly, remembering how upset he had gotten when his husband told him that he went to the café with Shinsou, to the point that Shouto had ignored every single word the other had said to him that day. The night ended with them sleeping in different beds.
“Is there a message from him that you find very cute?”
Sunshine
izuku accidentally added mixed veges into ur fried rice !!!
( ╯ ︵ ╰ ,)
izuku will pick the green peas out for shouto later when he comes home (/ω ＼ )
“He likes to text in a third person point of view whenever he does something wrong. He uses these weird looking faces when texting too. One time, he got mad at me for not using them while texting him so I learnt what each face means just to make him happy,” Shouto says in a soft tone, smiling at the camera.
“That is absolutely adorable,” Tokoyami comments, nodding at him before asking, “Izuku. Is that his name?”
Midoriya Izuku.
His name has never been far from Shouto’s mind. That beautiful and bright man never left him alone, even after he had long since left this world. Left Shouto. After his death, Shouto’s mind would occasionally be overtaken by memories, pictures of that man he had loved– still loves– and even snippets of their time together. Everything was too short and never enough. Shouto wanted more. Things would’ve been different if he’d had more time. If he had enough time, he would probably soon overcome his own demons and realise his mistakes and all the pain he had put Izuku through. If he had enough time, they would still have the chance to be the way they were before. When every little thing was enough to make them happy.
But time doesn’t stop for Shouto even when Izuku’s time had stopped. Izuku is gone and Shouto is left alone. Alone again like how he used to be before his beloved came barging into his life.
“Mm, Midoriya Izuku. He’s just, green everywhere,” Shouto chuckles. “Bright green eyes and green hair that he dyed as a joke because his name is Midoriya. Everyone eventually got used to him with green hair and it just stuck,”
He hears someone snickering, and he assumes it’s probably Shinsou considering that he’s the only one in this room (minus Shouto) who had seen Izuku with his natural hair before. There was a slight pause in the room, probably from Tokoyami giving the three friends some time to reminisce and remember the bright man who had changed their lives. After a few minutes, the dark haired man signals Shouto that they’re about to continue, and Shouto nods hesitantly as he makes himself comfortable on the stool.
“Which message from him was your favourite?”
Sunshine
SHOOOOOOO
LOOK AT WHAT ME AND TOSHI FOUND
[Image Attached]
o(>ω<)o
ISNT SHE JUST THE CUTEST LITTLE BUNNY EVER
the shelter we found her at is trying to make ppl adopt because they need more space for new animals. they’re gonna be sending some animals to a different shelter but some are just not…
adoptable??? is that a word??????????????
OOOH just googled it and it is!!!!
she lost an eye :(((((
they’re gonna have to euthanize the bunny if no one plans to adopt her by this week
I CANT LET IT HAPPEN SHO (ﾉ_ヽ)
can we pleaseeeeeeeee adopt her? i sometimes get lonely at home when you’re at work and i think me and miss bunny here bonded a little too much.
she wont let go of me sho :(
[Image Attached]
we’re feeding her right now and i even fed her milk like a mama :D
reply to me when u see this okay??
take care at work <3
“He and our friend,” Shouto pauses as he glances at Shinsou– the said friend– secretly as he tries to figure out what’s written on his face. Shouto’s pretty sure that if it wasn’t for Denki beside him, or the fact that they’re in a studio with someone they can’t quite call close, the purple head would’ve probably punched the shit out of him already.
The memory of Izuku making Shinsou promise that he would be nice to Shouto is brushed off by him because Shouto knows that even a promise– especially one they made when they were just teens– would be ignored because Shouto deserves more than just a punch after what he did to Izuku.
“They went to a shelter and he wanted to adopt a rabbit. He had always liked rabbits more than cats, so adopting a rabbit would make very happy,”
“Why is that your favourite message from him?”
There’s an unspoken feeling at his fingertips, restless and odd as he continues scrolling up and down, rereading the conversation they had about adopting a rabbit. He’s grateful that the three of them understand him enough to let him have his moment before replying to the question.
“My Izuku has this cute habit where he can talk about one thing as fast as a bullet train. It can go on and on for hours and it’ll take a while for someone to snap him out of it. When we first started dating, I thought it was only something he does when talking to someone face to face but then I found out he actually rambles in texts too,” He says, as he rubs one of his sweaty hands on his thigh.
“Do you hate it when–?”
“No,” Shouto cuts in, softly but decisively. “Never. I love it when he talks. It’s cute and endearing and it’s what makes my Izuku, him. It makes me feel safe. It reminds me that he’s– that he was always beside me,” Shouto whispers the last part. The air in the studio suddenly feels stuffy and the space around him feels oppressive.
It feels like the room is slowly closing in on him, and the voices reminding him that Izuku is gone become louder. They remind Shouto of the fact that he’ll never get to hear Izuku’s voice ever again. The voices remind Shouto of the fact that Izuku is dead, and he’s never coming back home like he always said he would.
“Todoroki-kun?” Tokoyami’s voice sounds muffled, even when Shouto’s sure that he’s right in front of him. Shouto catches a slight movement from a certain blonde, and before he knows it, Denki is right in front of him– Shinsou behind him staring at Shouto with slight concern– holding his hand and whispering encouraging words to get him to calm down. Shouto closes his eyes and stays there for a while, unmoving. The weight of Denki’s hand on his shoulder feels heavy but he doesn’t bother to let the other know. He spends a good few minutes trying to silently execute some breathing exercises before he finally calms down.
“Can you continue or do you want to stop now, Shouto?” Denki interrupts the silence, his voice laced with concern. He won’t back out now. He can do it. He can push through and just see what happens. If his attacks get too bad then he won’t deny the choice to stop and back out. Slowly, Shouto shakes his head no and takes a few deep breaths before nodding at Tokoyami to continue.
“D-Did you guys end up adopting the rabbit?”
Me
We don’t have much space at home and no time to take care of a rabbit.
Just let someone else adopt it.
“…I said no. We don’t have much space nor time to take care of one,” He whispers regretfully, looking down at his hands. “When I came back home that day, I saw that he had bought some rabbit supplies. I only realize a few weeks later that he had probably been thinking about adopting the rabbit for a while now, because the packages were dated much earlier than when he’d texted me,” Shouto remembers the way he saw Izuku gazing at the contents of the box with an expression that he would describe as upset, or disappointed, the morning after.
Izuku was quick to hide it though, and Shouto never really brought it up. The next day, the rabbit supplies were no longer in their home.
“Two weeks after his death, I went to the shelter to adopt the rabbit but they told me that someone else had adopted it,”
“I adopted it,” Shouto flinches at Shinsou’s cold voice as his head shot up to watch Shinsou stand up and slowly walk to the other side of the room before bringing back a familiar white pet carrier, inside a clean white rabbit with only one eye munching on a small celery. Shouto sucks in a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding, his eyes staying on the innocent animal as Shinsou unzips the carrier before carefully taking it out.
“I adopted her when Izuku said he needed my help returning the pet supplies he bought. My house is surely smaller but Himawari’s not complaining and she’s pretty happy there, so I don’t see any problem why I shouldn’t. Plus, it makes Izuku happy,” He shrugs as if he isn’t aware how hurtful and poisonous his words are to Shouto. Shouto knows he deserves this, but it still hurts like a bitch.
Himawari. Sunflower. Izuku probably named her after his favourite flower.
Shouto catches Denki nudging his fiancé, looking at the taller as if he’s warning him to be nice to Shouto. The other sighs in defeat and for once, looks at Shouto apologetically with a slight nod. “D-Do you wanna hold her?”
“Please,” The response comes instantly, and after some quiet instructions from Shinsou on how to properly hold a rabbit, Shouto finds himself cradling a white rabbit– Himawari– like a little fragile baby. The little bunny takes a while to get comfortable, but after a while, she finally stops moving and cuddles into his knitted jumper. Careful not to jostle her, Shouto slowly brings the rabbit up, nuzzling his face into her soft white fur.
They let him have his moment with the rabbit his husband badly wanted to adopt, and after fifteen minutes, Denki finally manages to convince Shouto to continue with the video and that he would be able to spend time playing with Himawari anytime he wants after this. He got a small glare from his fiancé but Shinsou nodded nonetheless.
“Can you read some texts from your early marriage?”
“We talked a lot in real life, or we’d call each other instead of texting because he likes hearing my voice more. I prefer calling too because he’s so bad at hiding his feelings, and it’s easier to figure out if there’s something wrong with him when we call compared to texting. But if I have to choose, it’s this one,” He laughs softly, as he rereads the text.
Sunshine
beloved
i cant find your fav cereal
im here at the cereal aisle though and iirc we always get it here
Me
Look up, sunshine.
Sunshine
YOU
YOU VILLAIN
HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME BUY UR STUPID CEREAL WHEN U KNOW I CANT REACH IT
SHO >:(
Me
Guess there’s no breakfast for me tomorrow then.
Sunshine
[Image Attached]
i used a step ladder
hope you’re happy
Shouto uses up all his strength to stop himself from giggling loudly at the reminder of Izuku having to use a step ladder just so that he can reach the top shelf and get Shouto’s favourite cereal, but he doesn’t bother to hide soft smile that’s slowly showing on his face. The memory of Izuku coming home all pouty and sulky warms Shouto’s heart, at the same time hurting it too, especially after realizing that Izuku coming back home with heavy bags of groceries is a scene that Shouto will never be able to see ever again.
“…When was the last time he said ‘I love you’?”
Shouto lets out a shaky breath, and with trembling hands, he slowly scrolls down to the bottom of the chat, instantly finding the text with those three words. His eyes go blurry for a little while, tears threatening to escape them but he quickly blinks them away.
Sunshine
sho!!! sho!!!
gonna go post out my commission and then help mom clean her house!
i wont be able to cook dinner today but you’re welcome to stop by if you’re up for some katsudon
take care beloved
i love you <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
“…Around seven hours before he died,” Saying it out loud in front of people is like waking up from the dreams he had after his lover’s death, when he is subjected to the harsh reality once again. The reality where Midoriya Izuku is no longer by his side, or in this world.
“What about you?”
“…Me?”
“When was the last time you said ‘I love you’?”
Shouto blinks a few times, trying to let the question sink in as he picks up his phone and hesitantly scrolls up. When? Shouto can’t bring himself to admit the fact that he can’t even remember when was the last time he had told Izuku he loves him. It takes him about three minutes to finally reach the message he’s been looking for.
Sunshine
sooooo
i went to visit your mom and sister today
guess who just perfected your mom’s cold soba recipe!!!
ME OF COURSE UWAHAHA
today’s dinner: cold soba made by shouto’s amazing husband
Me
!!!
I am so in love with you.
You’re perfect.
I love you.
<3
“Seven months ago,”
Some small part of him had once hoped, against all logic and reason, that maybe Izuku’s death wasn’t real and that maybe what Shouto is going through right now is just a very long and never-ending dream. He knew that it’s close to impossible, considering the amount of times he was punched by Shinsou for being a ‘useless husband’ . But Izuku had done the impossible before. He had managed to befriend the broken teenager that Shouto was, broke down his walls, taught Shouto love and even married him. So maybe, just maybe, the impossible can actually happen. Maybe this really is a dream. Maybe when he wakes up, he’ll see Izuku lying beside him, sleeping peacefully. Maybe then, they’d have enough time. Maybe then, Shouto would be able to do things correctly.
“Is there a reason why your relationship fell apart?”
Is there? Is there any other reason why their relationship fell apart other than Shouto burying himself in work and ignoring the love of his life? He closes his eyes, trying to remember those days when he and Izuku were happier. These memories are safer compared to their later ones, but they always slipped into less pleasant ones despite him not wanting it to. They always lead to pain, no matter how hard Shouto tries to only keep the happier memories locked in his head.
3rd August
Sunshine
hey
are you stuck in a traffic or something?
i’ll wait for you so we can eat dinner together!!!
Me
I told you I’m not coming home for dinner today.
Sunshine
oh
but you didn’t…?
guess i forgot then!!
nvm
take care i love you
6th December
Sunshine
where are you?
i’ll wait for you at the entrance!!
im right next to the vending machine
Me
Am I suppose to pick you up from somewhere today?
Sunshine
today’s my doctor’s appointment
you said you’re free to pick me up yesterday night
Me
Sorry. I forgot.
I’m at the office right now.
Should I call you an uber?
Sunshine
ah sho you’re younger than me and you’re already forgetting
its okay!!! i’ll call toshi to pick me up
see you at home i love you <3
“I started focusing more on work and we don’t spend enough time with each other anymore. Because we don’t talk to each other much, there are more miscommunication between us. There would be times where,” Shouto gulps, his throat suddenly feeling dry and the words refuse to escape. “Sometimes, we don’t talk to each other at all. For days even,” He admits shamefully, his sweaty hand gripping his phone as hard as he can that he’s pretty sure it’s possible to break it.
“Does he spend his time alone at home when you’re at work?”
“Yes,” Shouto replies before continuing. “He’s more of an indoor person. He can’t really go out or do heavy work much so he makes use of his talent and takes commissions online. Most of the time, our friends would come over to keep him busy whenever he’s bored but even then, they have work and can only stay for a while so I guess that’s why he wants to adopt a rabbit so bad,”
“Are you glad that your friends are there to keep him company?”
Shouto eyes the couple who’s looking at him with a certain look, and hesitates to say what he really wants to say but he decides to brush the two away and answers the question anyway.
“Yes, but no at the same time,” He’s cold, he realises. Nowadays, nothing seem to ever make him feel warm the way he used to be when Izuku was still alive. “I’m glad that he still has our friends to talk to. But I hate the fact that I’m his husband and I can’t even make time to stay at home with him. Our friend would come over during their lunch break just to see how he’s doing and I can’t even stop working for a while to text or call him,”
Why couldn’t I just pay more attention and realise that I was hurting you, Izuku? No matter how many times he asks himself the same question, the same wretched sentences, he already knows the reason why.
It’s because I never thought that there’s a possibility of you leaving me. Because I believed that we had all the time in the world.
“How did he die?”
“Congestive heart failure. He was a weak child; always fainting, getting asthma attacks and fatigue. That’s why he couldn’t really do heavy work. When he told me he was going to help his mom clean her house, I didn’t bother asking if it would be okay for him because we’ve had this talk before and he knows how he’s not allowed to do anything that would tire him out. He didn’t die from that though,” An involuntary whimper escapes his lips, producing more tears to blur out his vision.
“He died from stress. Stress because of how our marriage was falling apart. I was told that he sometimes refuses to eat without me, or even if he did, it would be late and irregular meals are bad for his health. He had trouble falling asleep too but I didn’t notice. No one did,”
“I’m sorry,” Tokoyami whispers, and lets him know that he can have a few minutes to calm down before they continue with the recording. Shouto mentally thanks the man and takes big gulps of water from the bottle that was given to him before they started.
Shouto hates that he hadn’t seen how much Izuku had degraded, how broken he had become. How often he would put up those fake smiles just to assure him that he’s fine. He knew that, after everything, it was his fault. He knew that Izuku was a master at hiding his pain so deeply that there was no way for him to have known, but then again, they’ve spent the last six years dating, and five more being married. He should’ve known, he should’ve noticed, should’ve been there for Izuku. If only he were better, if he was good enough, Izuku would’ve still been here. He had failed, he had broken his promise when he said that he would always make Izuku happy.
“We’re already at the second last question. You’re doing good, Todoroki-kun,” Tokoyami smiles reassuringly before asking if he’s ready to continue. Shouto nodded and before he knew it, they’re recording again.
“What were his dreams?”
“A pediatrician. He wanted to make children happy because he didn’t really have a good childhood,” Shouto chuckles at the thought of how they both didn’t have good childhoods. “He loves kids and we planned to adopt at least two when the right time comes,”
Kouta Izumi and Eri. The two little kids who had basically imprinted on Izuku after the first time Izuku had volunteered at the adoption centre. The same kids who had Izuku go on and on about how he wants to adopt them both at the same time because “They’re the most perfect little pair, Sho!”
“In the end, he wasn’t really encouraged to pursue his dreams because it would affect his health. So instead, he sometimes spends days writing and illustrating children’s books. He said that ‘If I can’t make them happy the way I wanted to, then I’ll just do this!’ ”
Shouto can still picture the bright and innocent smile that was etched on Izuku’s face that day.
“Last one. Do you still text his number? Even after his death?”
“…I don’t. I write him letters and just keep them in a shoebox,”
“What do you write in them? And why letters?”
Shouto blinks the tears that seemed to never want to go away. He tries to control his anguish, and the storm in his heart that threatens to destroy and blow everything away, hiding and keeping all his sorrow and anger back where it belongs, but these days, he can’t quite manage to keep himself together anymore. He’s too exhausted, and all those fake smiles that Izuku had given him are still seared behind his eyelids, refusing to be forgotten.
“All my regrets,”
“How I miss having to wake up next to him,”
“I write about his cooking,”
“Tease him about his height,”
“How much I love him,”
“I always tell him how he’s like a sun, always there to keep me warm and light up my world. And now that he’s no longer here, I’m always cold and it will forever be dark,”
The sorrow that he felt after the interview didn’t leave him, even after the silent car ride back home. If he were to be honest, the sorrow probably had been here after Izuku’s passing and will be here to stay.
Shouto comes back home dazed and a little dizzy. His eye stings from the amount of times he had been holding back on his tears. His ears are filled with an unfamiliar silence, and it’s so suffocating that it’s so hard to breathe.
The way his house smells had never bothered him before. Izuku had always been interested in citrusy smell, hence, the reason why their house is filled with lemon scented candles, lemon scented body wash, lemon scented room mist and Shouto finds out that he never really minded any of it.
When Shouto finally allows himself to collapse on his bed with his face down, his nose catches the familiar citrusy smell that Izuku had loved so much. The smell had never bothered Shouto before in his life, but now, as the bitter scent of lemon fills his nose, all he wants to do is break down and cry. He clenches the bedsheets under him with his hand, his heart squeezing in his chest. The pain burned his chest deeply and he wants to feel it more. He wants to feel all the pain he had put Izuku through when he was still alive.
He longs to hold Izuku in his arms one more time, and then maybe never let him go. He wants to caress the soft tan skin, kiss each freckle on Izuku’s face, see his bright grin and listen to his soft voice calling out for him. Shouto wants to hold Izuku’s hand, lie down next to him and tell him how much he loves him again and again and again.
Shouto longs for him, and misses his husband deeply. He wished that back then, he had realised how important Izuku is to him compared to stupid paperwork. He wished that instead of burying himself in work, he could spend more time with Izuku and tell him how much he loves him.
“Izuku,” Shouto whispers, his chest heaved with a wave of overbearing and heavy feelings of grief, sadness and regret. His breath got caught in his throat as he chokes back a loud sob. He curls his hands into a fist and hears a tear from the thin bed sheets.
“Shouto,”
Hallucinations. He must be hallucinating, he thinks, as his eyes frantically search for the owner of the familiar voice who called for him. “Izuku,” He calls out again, his voice coming out weak and choked up. The tears start to fall as he quickly pulls himself up, looking around the room.
“Izuku!” He cries out, pulling at his hair hardly until he can feel a headache slowly coming on and his hands shaking.
“Just want Izuku back. P-Please come back home to me,” Shouto sobs to himself quietly, the pain from the heartbreak and grief washes over him and fills his entire body with harsh burns and stabbing pains.
“Come back home, Izuku.”
12th January
Sunshine
hey baby
im gonna help mrs. sato with same taste test for a while so don’t freak out when you’re back and im not there
i’ll come back home to you
i love you
23rd May
Sunshine
ITS YOU BUT ICE CREAM FORM!!!
[Image Attached]
and don’t worry, I bought your mint choco ice cream ( ︶︹︺ )
i’ll come back home to you in a while so don’t miss me too much!!!
i love you
11th July
Me
You’re still not home?
Sunshine
i’ll come back home to you!!!
i love you