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It is a beautiful day in Skyworld, and there is a horrible goose.
The first victims of this beast are the flowers. Palutena has taken up gardening as of late, to pass the time between scraps of representation in games that are not Kid Icarus. It's gone quite well, the flowers growing nicely in elaborate patterns that can only be planned by an all-knowing goddess like herself— right up until the Goose tramples through it, uprooting tulips and peonies alike and leaving a trail of pitter-pattering muddy footprints in its wake.
Such an act of aggression can call for nothing else but war. The Centurions are no match for the beast, their bows and their little winged hats snatched from their heads before they can even try to catch it, and so Palutena is left with no recourse but to send in her most powerful warrior.
"So I just need to catch it?" Pit asks, eyeing the devious waterfowl from across the empty street. The terror of a thousand honks eyes him back, not dropping the blade in its beak— or, as it's more colloquially known, the 'magic gun-sword'. Pit would think himself terribly under-armed for this encounter, with only a net on a stick on his side, if only he were facing something just a little bit larger than a domestic goose. Instead, he's mostly occupied trying to figure out what the joke is.
"That's exactly right," Palutena confirms, voice echoing in his head, projected from her safe haven deep within the temple proper. "Be on your guard, Pit. That creature is a far more formidable adversary than it appears on the surface."
"It's just a goose," Pit says, walking closer. "Sure, it's got a weapon, but it's not like it can— WOAH!"
The goose, deciding Pit has gotten a little too close for comfort, fires a warning shot over his shoulder. Or perhaps it hits the trigger by accident when trying to honk. Whatever the case may be, a blast of magic barely misses Pit, singing the edge of his wing and sending him reeling back.
"Do you see what I mean?" Palutena asks, as Pit scrambles out of the way of a flurry of shots. "Now, I have some very important business to conduct with… stuff, and things. Goddess stuff. Good luck, Pit! I know you can do this!"
"Hey, wait!" Pit shouts, tripping over himself as Palutena's presence vanishes. "Come back here, how am I supposed to— hey hey no let go of that, I need that net! Let go!"
The Goose is a happy little thing, all waddling feet and soft perfect feathers and noises that everything hates. It spends its days in nice happy villages, making them less nice and happy for everyone but it, but today it is having its fun in a nicer happier not-village.
It is not sure what its fluttery, squawky opponent is. It makes not-honks like humans, it walks all big and tall like humans, but it has fluttery white wings that don't lift it like the Goose. The Goose-Human is more of a human, it thinks— it startles when Honked, it has things to snatch and chase. Its things are funner than a human, though.
Like the dangerous stick-that-shoots. The Goose regrets dropping it for the net, it wants the danger-stick back! But the Goose-Human takes the Danger-Stick and runs, and the Goose chases it with wings a-flapping and beak a-honking because it was not finished with its fun yet.
The Goose nearly catches up, gets close enough to snap at the Goose-Human's heels if it stretches its neck out far enough. The Goose-Human responds by turning, shooting a flash from the Danger-Stick, and with a honk and a flurry of feathers the Goose goes tumbling back. It takes a moment for it to collect itself, to shake off the faint sting against its pride.
The Goose-Human seems to have stopped. Is it waiting for the Goose to catch up? Perhaps it is more Goose than it thought, if it is playing fair with the Goose's game of snatch-and-chase. There is a distraught look about it, though— perhaps it does not realize the Goose is unbothered. A little indignity is nothing to the Goose.
To prove it, the Goose honks. The Goose-Human jumps, yells, and starts running again. It is a fool, though, for it does not realize it dropped the Danger-Stick.
The Goose snatches up its prize. It honks, confirming that the toy is as dangerous as it ought to be, and then it resumes its chase once more. Perhaps this time, it will go for the shiny gold leaf-crown on the Goose-Human's head.
"Sorry about that, Pit, I didn't mean to leave you for so long. Something came up with Viridi. You caught the goose, right?"
...
"Pit? Are you there?"
HONK.
"Oh dear."
It is a horrible day in Skyworld, and Dark Pit is eating some excellent popcorn.
"Hey, Pittoo?" Viridi asks, voice echoing in his head.
"Hm?"
"Have you seen the Goose?"
Dark Pit is silent, apart from the munching of his popcorn. In the distance, a cluster of centurions run screaming from a small, white blob. "Which goose?"
"You know, the Goose!" Viridi says. "The source of divine-but-harmless punishment levied upon unsuspecting humans! I showed it to you last week and now it's missing, what did you do with it?"
"What makes you think I did anything?" he asks, through another mouthful of popcorn. "It's a goose. It could have just flown away."
"Maybe, but the fact that you're eating popcorn right now tells me otherwise."
She makes an excellent point. Dark Pit continues to eat his popcorn, perched atop his nice safe rooftop without any waterfowl.
"Look, I'm not here to ruin your fun," Viridi says. "I just need to know where it is. A tool of divine punishment isn't something you set loose on the world! You need to keep tabs on it!"
"So? I'm keeping tabs on it just fine." Dark Pit shoves another handful in his mouth. "I'm not an idiot, I'll bring it back when it tires itself out. Why are you so worked up about it?"
"Because, if I knew you were gonna throw the Goose at Pit and Palutena, I would've cleared my schedule so I could watch!"
Dark Pit stares blankly up at the sky for a moment. "If you knew where the thing was the entire time, why bother asking me?"
Viridi sniffs dismissively. "I was testing you," she says. "I wanted to see if you could show proper fealty to your boss. You failed."
"What a surprise," Dark Pit says. "What are you gonna do? Fire me?"
"Nah," Viridi says. "I think I'll leave the punishing to the specialist."
There's a soft little pitter-pat behind Dark Pit. He turns, dread in his heart, and comes face-to-beak with the Goose with its round little body, its beady little eyes, and a gold laurel crown around its neck. Atop Dark Pit's head sits that crown's twin, just as shiny and enticing as the original.
The Goose blinks. Dark Pit blinks back. There's a honk, Dark Pit scrambles over the edge of the roof, and the hunt is on once more.