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Chuuya slowly realizes that he seems to be going through a crisis. His life has basically stunted . He’s bored out of his mind, can’t find anything new to do, and nothing is fun anymore. Everyday is the same cycle over and over. Kill, kill more, and sleep. He’s done.
So, in the blink of an eye, Chuuya buys a large flat to start fresh and break the never ending loop he’s stuck in. He has some of his old furniture transferred, but for the most part, he’s working with an empty canvas. That executive money is finally coming into good use.
Chuuya stares at the large flat from the doorway with a triumphant grin. He’s so excited that he decides it’s time to make a visit to the nearest IKEA.
~;~
“Good afternoon!” A kind voice says. Chuuya nods at the grey haired boy before walking into the large store. He’s already in awe at how much furniture there is. Chuuya’s never been to an IKEA let alone any furniture store. Usually, if he needs to get something new, he’d find it on Ebay or Amazon. This is a completely new experience for him.
Chuuya’s overall joyful mood quickly flips when some weird, wiggly man walks up to him while he’s testing some of the sofas.
“Ew! Your tastes are so tacky! Why’re you trying all the ugly sofas?” The man asks, giving Chuuya a disgusted look. Chuuya is dumbfounded. Isn’t this asshole an employee?! “ Why the fuck is he trash talking me?! What is this customer service?!” He thinks.
“E-Excuse me?” Chuuya tries to reason. He desperately tries to keep his cool. The shop is empty for the most part and quiet, so if he makes a scene, others will surely notice.
“Are you deaf? I said,” The man raises his hands to his mouth, trying to make himself louder. “Your taste in furniture is tacky!” Chuuya springs up from the couch.
“HAH?! And who's talking?! Some octopus wearing bandages?!” Chuuya shrieks, holding himself back from throwing the idiot through the ceiling.
“They’re not just any bandages!” ‘Dazai’ (Chuuya looks at his nametag which has tacky doodles on the sides of his name) starts, waving his arms around even more. “They are the limited edition cotton material bandages ! For extra warmth during the winter!” Chuuya feels his brain cells start deteriorating. He came here to find furniture. Not deal with some immature, emo adult. Chuuya lets out a frustrated grumble.
“Whatever. If my taste is so tacky, then why don’t you stop being a useless fuck and help me?! Isn’t that your goddamn job?!” Chuuya asks, his voice becoming louder.
“I don’t help dogs. Actually, I don’t know why they even let a dog in here! Isn’t there a sign out front that says ‘no pets allowed’?” Dazai says, putting his finger on his chin. As if the bastard was actually thinking!
“ I’M NOT A FUCKING DOG!” Chuuya snaps. By now, they seem to have gotten the attention of the other employees. The grey-haired kid that greeted him when he walked in is now apologizing to him for Dazai’s horrible behavior (which seemed to happen regularly since it felt like the kid had the words of the apology memorized?). The poor employee looks like he’s about to cry. Chuuya can only imagine what he’s been through working with such a piece of fucking work.
“Atsushi-kun~ Don’t worry! Chibi over here just wants furniture advice!” Dazai leans closer to “Atsushi’s” ear before whispering, “ Plus, he’s even flirting with me! I can’t believe it!” Dazai says, “disgusted”. Chuuya is so aggravated. Chibi?! He isn’t that small, is he?
Atsushi decides it’s time to make a run for it (probably because Chuuya is subconsciously activating his ability and cracking the floor?). Either way, he doesn’t bother helping Chuuya with Dazai, and just books it. Understandable, but Chuuya is definitely going to give this place bad ratings.
“I wasn’t flirting, you bastard. Are you deaf or something?! I just came here to buy furniture, goddamnit!”
Dazai shrugs. “Anyway~” He drags out like some toddler. “You said you wanted some help, right? Why don’t we first run to the nearest mall and get you some new clothes! After all, look at that ugly hat on your head.” Dazai looks at his beloved hat like it’s the epitome of evil and shudders.
“ HAH?! I’m not here to buy clothes, y ou asshole . And I’ll have you know, my hat is wonderful!” Chuuya shrieks. How dare this asshole just waltz into his life and insult his hat of all things?!
“Keep lying to yourself, Chibi--” He’s cut off when Chuuya pulls him down by his tie and screams “ IT’S CHUUYA, YOU IMBECILE!” Into his face. Dazai once again shudders in disgust before walking down the rows of couches and inspecting them. Chuuya notices how Dazai accentuates the waving of his arms (like a kid?!), and decides this asshole should definitely not have a job (In fact, Chuuya thinks he should go back to school and learn some fucking manners).
“Hmm! Maybe you should get this one!” Chuuya almost gags when Dazai points at a bright green couch with golden designs on the arm rests. Who even made this monstrosity?!
“O-Oi, even my selections were better than this. What in the ever loving fuck is this?!” Chuuya shrieks and motions to the couch aggressively. Dazai smiles as he settles onto the couch. “It’s of course, the most beautiful and most comfortable couch in the whole store!” Chuuya slaps his forehead when he notices Dazai wincing on the rock hard couch.
“Definitely a must-buy, Chibi.” Dazai winks before popping himself off the couch. Chuuya is this close to punching the idiot in the face, but holds back because there’s a chance he might kill the bandaged bastard. After all, he’s never seen an adult who looks this scrawny and lanky.
Chuuya quickly decides the best stance to take in this situation is to ignore the problem. He lets out a large sigh before walking forward before realizing it’s a little hard to ignore Dazai when the idiot is pouting and screaming at him to pay attention to his lesson. But, Chuuya also isn’t someone who gives up.
Now Dazai is extremely amused. As Chuuya decides to change his stance, Dazai also concludes that he should change his.
Dazai gracefully slinks over to Chuuya like a ballerina dancing on a stage and puts a finger under the other’s chin. Chuuya’s eyes widen and his face turns cherry red as he’s completely caught off guard. It takes a few moments for Chuuya to return to reality before he finally punches Dazai square in the gut.
Chuuya is also fairly surprised when he finds Dazai still breathing on the floor. Didn’t he pour in some of his ability into that strike? How the hell is this bastard alive?
“Ah! If I didn’t have my wonderful ability, I’d be dead!”
“Ability?!” Chuuya shrieks.This bastard has an ability?! If so, is it a nullification ability? How else would he have been able to survive his punch?
“ Chuuya~ you seem to be thinking a little too much.” Chuuya would have retorted at the insult if not for the fact that Dazai finally called him by his actual fucking name.
“Whatever it is,” Dazai shrugs and walks towards Chuuya. Chuuya is baffled when Dazai takes his hand and begins dragging him around the store. “We should go look at the beds!”
“The beds?” Chuuya curiously asks. Is there something special about the beds?
“Yes, of course! I know a foolproof way to find out which is the best one!” Chuuya is even more curious at what the idiot is playing at.
“So, are you going to tell me or not?!” Chuuya harshly asks, waiting for Dazai to get on with it.
“Of course it’s to fuck you against every single one to see which one you like best--”
Atsushi swears he sees Dazai hit the ceiling.
~;~