Work Text:
What Dreams May Come
"Be careful what you wear to bed at night, you never know who you'll meet in your dreams."
The first time it happens he doesn't even remember.
Harvey wakes with a start, heart beating hard in his chest, and suddenly he knows what to do. He throws the covers off and gets out of bed, feeling groggy but more wakeful with each step. He showers and dresses quickly and heads into work and by the time Jessica knocks on his office door three hours later everything is fixed.
"So how did it go?"
There is a stranger sitting beside Harvey on his couch. He looks young, with sandy brown hair and big blue eyes. He's wearing ripped and faded jeans and a threadbare grey t-shirt, and he looks like he belongs anywhere but here whilst somehow simultaneously looking completely relaxed and at ease, as if this was exactly where he belonged. Harvey doesn’t feel threatened or freaked out, he just feels surprised.
"Who are you?"
The stranger's face falls, and Harvey knows he has offended this man and even though he doesn't know why he somehow feels guilty about it anyway.
"You don't remember." His voice is sad, and he turns away from Harvey. And then he stands, walks to the door.
Harvey watches him go. He wants to stop him, but he can't move. He wants to say something, but he can't speak. All he can do is watch him cross the room, hands in his pockets.
"You need to make Dominic Barone CEO," he says, hand on the doorknob.
"He'd never go for it," Harvey replies.
The stranger smiles, bright and enigmatic. "You can convince him."
And then he is gone. Harvey blinks, staring at the space the stranger just occupied. He wakes moments later, feeling rested and certain, and the fog of his dream slips slowly from the tip of his mind, until all he can remember is blue eyes and a grey t-shirt and the idea that for once Dominic Barone will actually listen to him.
And, surprisingly, Dominic does listen to him. Harvey and Keller (his douche associate) end up doing the classic good cop/bad cop routine and it works like a charm.
Only by the time Dominic has manned up the rug is pulled from under them and not only did they not get Dominic to be CEO but they actually get Dominic fired.
And it's not that he cares about Dominic. The guy is a hard worker, and he respects that, and respect is more important to Harvey than admiration. And he knows he did what he had to in the best interest of the company, but he is beaten, and there is nowhere to go from here.
"It's you."
The stranger is sitting on his office couch and Harvey is sitting at his office desk and for some reason it feels like they have known each other for forever even though Harvey still doesn't even know his name (and some part of him deep inside knows that he probably doesn’t even have a name because he's not real and only exists in Harvey's subconscious).
He smiles. "You remember me."
"Of course I remember you," Harvey says, offended, like he can't believe his flawless mind is being questioned.
"You didn't before."
"Before what?"
"Before now."
Everything this man says feels so enigmatic, and he grins like the Cheshire Cat and Harvey feels annoyed by the idea that this person knows more than he does.
"You're wearing a suit," Harvey says, because he has just noticed the cheap suit and skinny tie, and this somehow feels important for Harvey to point out.
"I am."
"Why?"
"Because I didn’t think you'd appreciate me turning up at your office in jeans and a t-shirt."
And it's weird, that this stranger knows him so well, but it feels right at the same time too.
"Why are you here?"
And he smiles at Harvey, but there is something shy and uncertain about it. It intrigues Harvey, makes him stand from his desk and cross the room towards him.
"Because this is where I belong."
Harvey's forehead creases in confusion. But before he can ask what he means, the stranger stands and announces, "I have to go."
"What? Why? Where?" The words tumble out of his mouth without his consent, but he doesn't understand what's going on here and he needs to know more.
"You know how you can appoint whatever CEO you want? If you own the company."
And then he walks out of the office. Harvey watches him go, notes that Donna doesn’t pay this random stranger any mind, and when he walks back to his desk he starts making a list of every rich petrol head he knows who might want to buy McKernon Motors.
The first thing Harvey does when he wakes up is call Donna and get her to organise a meeting with Laurence for as soon as he is available.
Harvey goes to his office and makes his best pitch, and he has barely finished when Laurence is wringing his hands with glee and asks where to sign. Harvey shakes his hand, organises to be back later that day with the paperwork, and calls the office to tell Seth to get started on the contracts.
It's only when he is alone, sitting in the back of the car Ray drives easily through the city streets, that he realises: this entire case was solved not once but twice by someone who doesn't even exist.
"Thankyou," Harvey says.
They are sitting together on Harvey's balcony, basking in air which is warmer than it should be for this time of year. Harvey wears plaid pyjama pants and a white t-shirt and the stranger wears dark jeans and a pale blue button-down shirt and somehow that feels completely okay.
"What for?"
"You know what for," Harvey says, eyes looking pointedly at him, and the stranger laughs.
"It went well then?" he asks, and Harvey can't tell whether he already knows the answer and is just asking to be polite, or if he really has no idea what happened.
"It did," Harvey tells him.
"I'm glad."
"Why did you help me?"
"Because you needed me to."
He has that stupid enigmatic smile on his face, like he knows all the answers to every question Harvey could possibly ask. He really wants to tell him to stop it, to demand he quit going all omnipotent and mystical on him, but he can't bring himself to.
They sit in silence for a few minutes, and it should feel strange, sharing the warm sun and breathing the same air with a man he doesn't know but somehow trusts. But it doesn't. And the logical side of his brain wants to question and uncover the wheres and whys and hows, but the smaller side, the emotional side (which he pretends doesn’t exist but he can't escape here) simply doesn't care.
"What's your name?" Harvey asks. He doesn't expect the stranger to answer, fully anticipates that enigmatic smile and for that to be it. So he is happily surprised when he actually responds.
"Ross."
Harvey extends his hand, and accepting the gesture for what it is, the stranger (no, Ross) puts his hand in his. He feels real beneath Harvey's skin, warm and solid and right.
"Nice to meet you, Ross," Harvey says with a grin.
The returning smile he gets is the first genuine one he has received. "You too, Harvey."
When Harvey wakes he feels bereft of something, like there is something important in his life that he has lost or forgotten, and the feeling stays with him all day long.
"Why are you here?" Harvey asks.
"Do you want me to go?" Ross asks, thumbing at the glass door.
"No," he says, and the speed at which he says it scares even him.
"Good." And he settles deeper into the couch, resting his head on the back and closing his eyes.
Harvey just stares at him. Today Ross is wearing a black long sleeved tee, beige cargo pants and has bare feet. He wonders what happened to the whole 'wearing a suit when appearing in Harvey's office' thing, but then decides he doesn't care. He likes Ross better like this. It feels more genuine. And he wonders where Ross is when he isn't here, when he doesn't just appear out of thin air and leave the same way. He wonders if he has a life away from this world of dreams, and dismisses the thought instantly, because even the idea of this man existing in the waking world is both terrifying (how can he dream about someone he has never met) and heartbreaking (because the idea that he is out there living a life that Harvey has nothing to do with is unbearable).
"I've decided that you aren't real," Harvey declares, matter of fact.
"Am I not?" Ross replies, eyes still closed but that enigmatic smile is back.
"No. And you know how I can tell? Because no one in real life would say 'Am I not'."
Ross opens his eyes, lifts his head back up to look at Harvey and laughs, loud and free and it's the most honest thing Harvey has ever seen. It makes him look younger, realer, and Harvey can't help but reach over and rest his hand on Ross's shoulder. It feels solid in a way it shouldn’t (because Harvey knows this is a dream, knows it's not real, and yet somehow none of his dreams have ever felt as real as these ones where Ross appears) and already he is questioning the truth of his statement.
Harvey can't decide if he longs for or dreads these dreams.
He stopped questioning them weeks ago. He can't figure out the logic of having someone he has never met constantly in his dreams but it's become so commonplace and normal that he doesn't feel the need to rationalise it anymore.
And the truth is, he feels something when he is with Ross that he has never felt in real life. And the mere idea of it, developing feelings for someone who isn't real, who only exists in his mind, is a psychological minefield, not to mention depressing as hell. So during the waking hours he tries to put Ross out of his mind, focus on work, and not think about what is waiting for him when he closes his eyes.
"She's innocent, you know."
"And how do you know that?" Harvey asks.
Ross just shrugs, and it's the first time in weeks that Harvey has seen that sparkle in his eyes, the one that says he knows much more than he is letting on. He knows Ross has been playing down that mystical, I know everything part of himself ever since Harvey accused him of not being real, and it surprises Harvey how much he missed that side of him.
Harvey looks back down at the file. He's sitting in bed and leaning against the headboard, blankets covering his lap and then files and paperwork covering half of the bed. Ross sits on a chair in the corner of the room, feet stretched out and crossed at the ankle on the foot of Harvey's bed. He watches Harvey while he works (Harvey can feel his gaze like a physical presence), humming softly.
"Okay, I give up. Give me something," Harvey announces, throwing the file as far as he can.
Ross laughs. "What makes you think I have all the answers, Harvey?"
Harvey gives him a sharp look. "Call it a hunch."
Ross says nothing, just smiles softly and gets up off his chair and sits on the edge of Harvey's bed, reaching for the discarded file. Ross flicks through it languidly, and Harvey waits.
After a few minutes Ross looks up, his face a blank canvas. "I'm sorry, can I help you?" he asks, voice all innocent wonder.
Harvey laughs at his outright cheek. Ross joins him, and it feels so right, like this is how life is supposed to be: relaxed and content and free.
"Burt Kimble," Ross finally says.
Harvey sighs in relief. "Thankyou."
Harvey doesn’t know exactly what went down but he knows that Gabriel Stone is innocent and Burt Kimble was somehow responsible. It's a goal to work towards, the 'x marks the spot' on the treasure map, and somehow he will find his way there.
He ignores the weird looks Seth gives him at this newfound determination that Gabby is innocent (Seth thankfully doesn’t say anything, because even though he is an idiot his self-preservation outweighs his curiosity). He just sends him off to do some digging around until he uncovers the connection between Bradley Reager and Nick Zegen which leads them back to Kimble.
When Harvey meets Gabby upon her release he tells her he never doubted her for a second. Seth looks at him with amusement, seeing right through the lie. What he doesn’t realise, what Harvey doesn’t say, is that the statement is at least half true. He might not have believed Gabby, but he believed Ross.
"This is new," Harvey says.
They are walking through Central Park. There is a soft snowfall coming from the cloudless sky above them and there's no one in sight. It's the first time these dreams have taken them outside the walls of his condo and office. Harvey is bundled in a thick coat and a dark hat, but Ross wears only a thin jacket though he doesn't appear to mind the cool air.
"Why are we here?" he asks Ross.
He shrugs in reply. "It's your party, Harvey. I'm just here for the free food and drinks."
Harvey rolls his eyes at that, but stops when Ross bumps his shoulder with his own.
"How's it going with Gabby Stone?"
"Great. She went back home, got a job teaching."
"That's great. I'm really happy for you, Harvey."
"Well, it's all thanks to you," Harvey says, transferring the credit more easily than he would have in waking life. But it is the truth, and the right thing to say.
"I don't know about that. You would have worked it out sooner or later. You always do."
"I like having you here though," Harvey says, voice soft and low, and part of him hopes the younger man hasn't heard him.
But he has. Of course he has. He smiles up at Harvey. "I like being here too."
Harvey is the master of denial. He preaches to Seth the benefits of living a life free of emotional entanglements, like he hasn't fallen in love with someone he has never met, who isn’t even real.
They are sitting on the couch in Harvey's apartment (closer than is strictly necessary, and Harvey can feel the length of Ross along his shoulder, arm, leg), Star Trek playing on the flat screen in front of them and Harvey instructs Ross as to why Captain Kirk is The Man. Ross rolls his eyes and finds it ten shades of amusing that hot-shot lawyer Harvey Specter is a Trekkie.
They drink beers and eat pizza and suddenly Harvey thinks that this is how he wants to live life: in jeans and a t-shirt, feet on the table, eating hot food and having good conversation with the only person in the world that really gets him. And he is suddenly sad, because that is a life he will never have, and all of a sudden he feels ruined, because he knows that nothing in the waking world will ever match up to this.
"Hey, you okay?" Ross asks.
But Harvey doesn't want to tell him this. Which is ridiculous, because if there is anywhere he can be his true and honest self, it's here in this world that the two of them have seemingly created for themselves. But to speak it, even in a dream, would make it real, and he's not ready for that yet.
"Just lamenting the fact that I let you convince me to order a chicken, pineapple and mushroom pizza with cheese in the crust. It's seriously the most bizarre thing I have ever eaten."
Ross puts a hand to his chest in mock hurt. "You wound me, good sir. This is the best pizza combination known to mankind."
And they slip into a debate about appropriate pizza topping combinations until Harvey wakes.
He can't help it. He knows it's ridiculous and impossible. But after having the dreams for months on end he starts looking for Ross.
He doesn't have much to go on, just a first name and a vague description. And he doesn't know how to bring up who this man is or why he is looking for him or why he knows so little about him, so he asks a few trusted people in key areas (a detective friend, a lawyer in the ADA office, Donna, Ray) to keep one eye open and one ear to the ground.
"You know, it occurs to me that I don't really know anything about you."
Ross laughs. "Is that a fact?"
"Yes, and it doesn't really help when you get all vague like you are just now."
"What if I told you that you already know everything you needed to know about me?"
"I'd say that’s bullshit."
Ross grins up at him, keeps his eyes locked on Harvey until he returns the smile.
They are walking the deserted city streets. It's dusk, and the streetlights turn on in parallel to their movements. Harvey decides not to press, and changes the subject.
He talks about his favourite buildings as they walk past them, all miraculously on the same street (because what is the point of the dream world if you can't put all your favourite things in one place and save you a hell of a commute). The Morgan Library, the Seagram Building, Guggenheim Museum, the Woolworth building – they lay in wait for them to discover and explore.
Each building is different, and there is something about each that touches Harvey in different ways. Ross follows where Harvey leads, listening in rapture as Harvey delves into their histories.
After they have explored the last building they exit out onto the street and just start wandering. Harvey looks at Ross, and he gets the feeling the younger man wants to tell him something.
"What is it?" Harvey finally asks.
"You know you need to get Louis and Lola into a room together, right?"
"What?" he asks, genuinely confused by this random non-sequitur.
"Get Lola and Louis into a room and the three of you can track down Mazlo's money."
It's not that Harvey isn't thankful. He is. But he doesn’t want to use their time together to get ahead on whatever he's working on. At the start, yeah, Ross drifted in with random comments that saved the day and he looked forward to that. But now, this, whatever this is, means more to him than that.
"Thanks, but can we not talk about work right now?"
And Ross smiles at him, like he has just passed some test he didn’t know he was taking. "So what do you want to know about me?"
Harvey can't believe he is actually going to get an answer to a question, and in his excited haste he blurts out every question he can think of. "What are your hobbies? Do you have any family? Where were you born? What do you want to be when you grow up? What's the one place in the world you want to see?"
He is only cut off by Ross's hand on his arm. He can see Ross looking at him with sparkling eyes, and feeling sheepish, he avoids his gaze.
"My favourite thing to do in my spare time is take photos."
"Of what?"
"Different things. Scenery and landscapes are my favourites, as well as the little details that people don’t see in the big picture. You know, like that one perfect leaf in a tree of thousands, a wrought iron lamppost hidden in the middle of Central Park, the engraving on a concrete statue, things like that."
Harvey knows that he isn't going to get answers to his other questions. And that's okay, because this moment is more than enough.
"It sounds amazing. I wish I could see them. Wanna show them to me one day?" Harvey asks, keeping his voice light.
Ross grins. "I'd like that."
And then, it happens. He's sitting in the back of the car on his way to work, and when they are stopped at a red light Harvey looks out the window and he sees him. He's right there, a metre away, on a bike and waiting for the light to change. He feels like all the air inside him has been sucked out of his lungs as he beholds the same figure he has only ever seen in his dreams alive and real in the waking world. He is looking around the traffic, finger tapping on the bike handles to a rhythm only he can hear, and for a moment he looks into the car, looks directly at Harvey (without realising it, damned tinted windows), and any doubt Harvey had vanishes as soon as he sees those blue eyes.
He gets out of the car (ignores Ray's shocked protest) but in that instant the light has changed and he is already gone, riding down the street. Harvey runs, suit and safety be damned, down the street in the direction he saw the man go. But the effort is in vain, because he's gone.
A combination of anger and disappointment takes over him, holds his body hostage, and he mainlines caffeine for the next forty-two hours, does anything in his power to avoid falling asleep and entering a world he no longer understands.
For the first time in the months since this thing has started he doesn't want to see Ross when he closes his eyes, but of course there he is, sitting on Harvey's balcony, waiting for him.
"Hey," Ross says, smiling brightly, like there is nowhere in this world he would rather be than right here with Harvey.
"What are you doing here?" Harvey asks, and his voice is low and hard and he doesn't want to be that way with him, but he just can't do this anymore either.
"What do you mean?" Ross asks, standing up slowly and taking a step towards Harvey.
"Do you live in New York?" Harvey demands, and it doesn’t answer Ross's question but he needs to know everything and he needs to know it now.
"Of course I do," he replies with a laugh. "You think I commute here from across the other side of the country or something?"
"Where do you live? Where are you when you aren't here?"
And Ross suddenly seems to understand. His face falls. "Harvey…"
"Why have you helped me with my cases?"
"Because you needed me to," he replies, taking another slow step forward.
"Why are you here?" he asks, hating the way his voice breaks. But he is angry and overwhelmed and completely lost. He feels like he is coming apart at the seams, and nothing can put him together again.
And suddenly Ross is there, standing right in front of him. He is wearing the same faded jeans and thin t-shirt from the first time they met (Ross had told him once that that was actually the second time, but he couldn’t remember the first so it didn’t count to him) and completely invading his space. "Because this is where I belong."
And then Harvey is kissing him, hard and frantic. His hands are on Ross's neck, keeping him in place, which as it turns out is completely unnecessary because Ross only moves closer, wrapping his arms around Harvey's waist as they overwhelm each other. Harvey doesn't need to breathe, he doesn’t need to eat or sleep or do anything other than this. So of course, as soon as that thought enters his mind, the younger man steps away and out of Harvey's grasp.
Harvey wants to reach out to him, but he is unable to move. Ross smiles sadly at him, and the anguished way Ross looks at him speaks louder than words, and Harvey knows that this is it.
"Close your eyes," Ross whispers.
Harvey shakes his head, feeling like a five year old who thinks he can make something happen by sheer force of will. He keeps his eyes locked on his, can't bear to look away for one moment.
"Harvey." His voice is firm but sad and laced with something like love. And he steps forward, placing his hand gently over Harvey's eyes, whispering, "Close your eyes."
Harvey does, and when he opens them again he is awake. And alone.
Harvey doesn’t dream any more after that.
He misses it, misses him, and grieves for the loss of someone that was never really his to begin with. But he also knows that it was just a dream and he needs to live in the real world.
And so he does. Days pass, and then weeks and months, and he throws himself into work by staying late and going into work early and he pretends he isn’t avoiding sleep because he wants to prevent that pang of loss the moment he wakes in the morning and he doesn’t remember seeing Ross in his dreams. And he almost manages to convince himself that he imagined the whole thing, that none of it was real, but then he'll see sandy hair or blue eyes and he can't help the double take he does in case it's really him.
And then, one day, everything he has always hoped for but never expected happens.
He is walking across the courtyard outside the Pearson Hardman offices, attention on his cell and his mind a million miles away. And he crashes into a solid body, shoulder knocking painfully against this random stranger.
He looks up and the apology that had automatically formed on his lips falls away as he sees eyes that are familiar in a way they have no right to be. Because he has never met this man before, and yet somehow he knows him better than anyone in the world.
"It's you," Harvey says, full of wonder.
The younger man just looks at him, confusion clear on his face. "I'm sorry, have we met?"
Harvey can't help the way his heart falls slightly. He feels like he has lost all over again, but then he dismisses the feeling as quickly, because he is real and standing in front of him and he doesn't fucking care if he doesn't know him. The stranger is looking at him, a slightly dazed and bemused look on his face, but he hasn't walked away, which Harvey takes as a good sign. (Later Harvey will learn that he was experiencing déjà vu for the first time, a rare experience for someone with eidetic memory.)
"Harvey Specter." And he holds out his hand, holding his breath slightly.
"Mike," he says, putting his hand in Harvey's. A flurry of doubt settles in Harvey's stomach for a moment, before he elaborates with, "Mike Ross."
Harvey really wants to not grin like an idiot, but he does, and Mike doesn't flee in terror but returns the smile.
"Nice to meet you, Mike."
"You too, Harvey."
"Sorry about the whole…" and he gestures to the space between them, because clearly he can't just apologise for crashing into him. Because really, he is so not sorry. At all.
"No harm, no foul."
"Let me make it up to you? Can I take you to lunch?"
The request is random and amazingly forward and he fully expects Mike to walk away from the madman he clearly is.
"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Mike asks instead, looking at the briefcase in Harvey's hand.
There is literally no force on this earth that could drag Harvey into that building and away from Mike. "No, nowhere," he says. But then doubt creeps in. "Unless you have-"
"No," Mike interrupts, "no, not at all. I was just heading home."
"I know somewhere where they make a mean chicken, pineapple and mushroom pizza with a cheesy crust," Harvey says, pulling out his trump card.
Mike looks to him, surprised. "How the hell do you know my favourite pizza?" He doesn’t look concerned or freaked out (even though they would be completely legitimate reactions), just curious and amused.
Harvey simply grins, turns that same enigmatic smile he was on the receiving end of so many times back on Mike. "Call it a hunch. Shall we?"
Mike has no poker face and Harvey can see the conflicting emotions whirling within him. And he knows it would be crazy to say (although given everything else that’s happened crazy has become a relative term) but he swears he can feel exactly what Mike is feeling. He can sense the feelings of trust and familiarity which burn inside Mike, the idea that the two of them are somehow connected even though they are perfect strangers, and he knows Mike can't quite understand or rationalise the sensations. But Mike is someone who clearly follows his gut, because he smiles, and says, "Sure. I'd like that."