Archive of Our Own

Jaehyun always thought that Jungwoo is the weirdest person he has ever seen. He wasn’t afraid of completely expressing himself, he would go out with the most unmatched clothes, he would say scary things, he had deep thoughts that mostly didn’t make sense.
Jaehyun couldn’t understand what made him remembering jungwoo now, but when he looked around and he realized what he had been staring at, he got it. It was Jungwoo’s favorite book, a book he used to read all the time. It was just seven hundred pages but you could never find jungwoo reading the last pages of that book. Even on the first day they became roommates, when jaehyun was carrying his boxes into the room, he was holding that book in his hands.

He remembered it was one of the weekends before the start of the new semester when he moved to a new dorm. His previous roommate was an alcoholic and jaehyun was really tired of him coming back at midnights and polluting the room with his vomit. He didn’t care if his new room was in the highest floor of the dormitory building and he had to go up and down many stairs every day. He was fine as long as his new roommate wasn’t going to cause him troubles.

The box he was holding felt a little heavier than before and carrying it up so many stairs made jaehyun exhausted. He was panting when he finally reached to his room. He knocked the door and when no one answered, he assumed that his new roommate is not there. so he put the box down to use the key _that he had received just recently_ for the first time. He picked up the box again as he pushed the door open. A room with two beds on the opposite sides, two desk, a mini refrigerator … he wasn’t done checking the room yet but seeing a person sitting weirdly on a chair at the corner of the room made him gasp almost dropping the box.
That boy was still silent looking at him with a frown. “Who are you?” jaehyun asked.
That boy replied with the same expression as his “Excuse me? You entered my room … who are you?”

so he was the roommate. But why didn’t he answer the door? maybe he didn’t hear it?
“So it was you who knocked” the boy said.
Jaehyun nodded, confused “yeah…but why didn’t you open the door?”
“so you’re that new roommate”
Jaehyun nodded again.
“ugh that’s sad” boy said with a pout. Jaehyun was confused “what?”
The boy put that tome he was holding on the desk “you know its not your fault that I’ve got a roommate since I used to live here all by myself, but it’s still disappointing cause I need to get used to this new situation. ugh, why cant the situation get used to me?”
jaehyun didn’t understand what his deal was but he could tell that the boy is not quite happy with him being in the room. He shifted the box on his hand ”which bed is mine?”

.

After a month of being roommates with him, jaehyun learned a lot about him. His name was Kim Jungwoo. He was a year younger than him. He liked to stay in the room in his free time and He usually talked to himself. out loud.

He had a lot of books but just one favorite. Jaehyun once heard from him that he was majored in classical literature. jungwoo had long and tangled hair and a pale skin. He would always look at you like you’re doing something weird. He wasn't much of a talker or maybe he wasn’t just comfortable enough with jaehyun to talk yet.

Jaehyun would get bored but it was kinda in his favor. He could study in the silence of the room now. If it was a month ago jaehyun would have to go to the library cause he couldn’t focus in that stinky room without wanting to puke. It wasn’t like he’s such a nerd. He would go to clubs and have fun with his friends as well. He would get drunk but never to the point of losing his control. He would never cause anyone trouble and he was always minding his own business. If he wasn’t going to be self absorbed, he was a pretty normal person. But jungwoo didn’t agree.

It was warm a day. Jaehyun looked around the room. The air conditioner had been broken since last night and the repairman had yet to arrive.
“does this room have any window?” jaehyun asked.
“nope!” Jungwoo replied without taking his look from his laptop. an obvious lie

“what’s behind those curtains then?” jaehyun pointed at the thick purple curtains hanging from the ceiling that were right beside jungwoo’s bed.
Jungwoo turned on his chair with an annoyed look on his face ” why do you need a window in the first place? If you wanna look outside you can go outside. i bet you will get a closer view.”
Jaehyun rolled his eyes. this boy.... ”looking outside is not the only use for windows. The air conditioner is not fixed yet and I cant breath easily and i need some fresh air.”
Jungwoo’s expression changed like a robot and turned back to his laptop ”okay, You can stick your head out the window and breathe as much as you want. you really are a strange person!”
Jaehyun passed by jungwoo’s bed and pulled the curtains to the side for the first time just to face a window covered with a big black cardboard. He mumbled ”so you hate lighting that much huh”
But jungwoo heard him ”no… as you can see the light is on in the room”
Jaehyun opened the dusty window and took his head out. He wasn’t sure if jungwoo can hear him now but he replied anyway ”I meant the natural light. you know… sunshine... the sun“ couldn't believe he had to explain such obvious things.

he put his hands on the edge of the window laying his head on top of them and looked at the crowded streets as he heard jungwoo’s voice ”maybe I would use the window if it was anywhere else other than being above my bed. But as of now, facing the sunlight right after waking up is the last thing I want”
“does sunshine wake you up? You must be a light sleeper then” jaehyun stated still observing the passing cars in the street.

“no, the sunlight just annoys my eyes. But yes, I wake up every time you talk in your sleep. I even woke up when you sneezed last night.”
Jaehyun sighed. He didn’t really know what to do about his sleep talking. His mom mentioned before that he mumbled very slowly and unclear in his sleep. Jungwoo must have a pretty light sleep that even jaehyun’s low voice could wake him up.
“sorry” jaehyun said just to be polite.
“don’t be… its not that annoying” jungwoo said.
Jaehyun took another deep breath and closed the window.

.

    It was in the middle of September. the weather was slightly getting colder. Jaehyun was busy studying for his upcoming test on Monday. He had to reject his friends offer to hang out since he accidentally missed a part of his book and he didn’t have much time left for studying it.
Jungwoo entered the room with a bunch of books in his hands. Jaehyun assumed he got all those from the library. He learnt that jungwoo would rather sit crossed-legged on his favorite chair with a bunch of hard covered heavy books on his lap than to stay at the public library to do his researches. They didn’t say hi to each other, because they’ve done it before. They just glanced at each other and went back to what they were doing.

Jaehyun was surprised the first time it happened. The first time he greeted jungwoo and received no reply. it happened when he was rushing to their room so he wont exceed the restriction of commuting after twelve O’clock. He was panting when he finally arrived and threw himself on his bed. “Hi!”
Jungwoo was sitting on his chair reading his favorite book as usual. When he didn’t react, jaehyun repeated, this time louder ”Hey hello”
Jungwoo stared at jaehyun like he has done something weird ”why are you saying hi to me? We greeted each other this morning.”
Jaehyun couldn’t tell if he’s being serious at that moment, even though he had never seen him joking about something before. “are you serious right now? Its been twelve hours since this morning. People greet each other when they don’t see each other for a long time”

Jungwoo rolled his eyes "as you said after a long time, are you sure twelve hours is a long time?”

“twelve hours is half a day. Are you telling me you’re going to say hi to me just once a day?” jaehyun said with a frown, totally offended. That boy had no reason to treat him like this. But of course this small discussion wasn’t a mistreatment in jungwoo’s opinion. Jaehyun just had a long day and this attitude of jungwoo was not helping at all.

“I know and yes. A hi and a good morning and a good night for every day. Saying hi two times a day seems pointless”
Jaehyun took his eyes from jungwoo and turned his back to him, facing the wall, still frowning. “okay. whatever”

He heard jungwoo’s voice in a tone he had never heard before. Like he was smiling or something… “well… I never greet anyone good mornings and good nights but you”
Jaehyun turned to catch his smile, but he wasn’t smiling or maybe jaehyun was too late. He raised an eyebrow “does that supposed to make me feel better about this weird quirk of yours?”
Jungwoo lifted his head from his book and replied with the same neutral face “its your own choice. You can think like that… or you can also not. I was just saying since you’re the first person I meet after waking up and the last person before falling asleep... I guess I got used to you”
he turned his head and mumbled  “that’s good” like he was talking to himself.

“were you always this anti social?” jaehyun asked with pity. Like he felt bad for jungwoo being like this.
Jungwoo looked at him terribly. Well… jaehyun expected that. He had never seen him angry. Jungwoo had two states in general. He was either staring at something with surprise, mostly his laptop and book, or he was numb and neutral, unreadable almost. Jaehyun was waiting for him to snap but that anger disappeared just as quickly and he was poker faced again.
“well… you can’t say always, but yeah… kinda”
Jaehyun gulped. Jungwoo’s mood swing was creepy. “I thought you’ll get mad because of what I said.”
Jungwoo closed his book and ran a hand through his dark hair ”well… you know, you weren’t wrong. But maybe I would get mad if you were going to use that anti social word as an insult. That’s right I may be not social at all. You know humans are such ridiculous creatures which are limited and can not even control themselves and they are always messing things up. These are good reasons to be dissocial but for me, there are other reasons. You know the way people cant stop rambling and they are always complaining about their bad luck or the way they lie and pretend like they are someone else or the way they think acting rebellious will make them look cool and sexy. Oh god this last one is just so ridiculous.”
Jaehyun was listening in silence. Talking to jungwoo was like reading a map you have no idea what language it is written in. it just shows a road that you need to try and find out.
Jungwoo continued “but I don’t dislike you. You’re a decent person and you don’t do that kind of stuff… or maybe you haven’t done yet.” And jaehyun didn’t really know how to feel about that compliment. If you could even call that a compliment.
“you know you’re quite annoying for so many people too but most importantly you’re a human as well. So all the things you said about them goes for you too” jaehyun tried to question him but of course he failed cause jungwoo replied “unfortunately yes!”

Jaehyun finally came back to reality after having a flashback of that day and jungwoo’s voice that seemed to be asking something from him, dragged him out of his thoughts.
“what did you say?”
“I said do you want a sandwich?”
It was dinner time and the name of food reminded him of his empty stomach. He didn’t know what to expect from jungwoo’s cooking but making a sandwich couldn’t be that hard, could it?

He turned anyway and smiled “sure!” he would always welcome the idea of homemade food. Jungwoo raised the corner of his mouth. You couldn’t tell if he was smiling. “then get up and make it”
Oh of course!

Jaehyun’s smile faded and he glared at jungwoo “I thought you’re offering me the sandwich YOU are going to make”
Jungwoo looked at him like he had said something weird. AGAIN “of course not. I’m just encouraging you to make us sandwiches. I’m not good at cooking”
“but you don’t need to be good at cooking to make a sandwich” jaehyun said with an annoyed tone.
“you wouldn’t want a burnt chicken and some weirdly chopped lettuce in your sandwich” jungwoo's expression didn't change.
“oh, so you basically cant cook, like at all” jaehyun acknowledged.
Jungwoo tried to explain “look, I know how to cook, I’m just not good at it. For example when I’m frying eggs and its totally cooked, yeah, you might say its burned but its fully cooked. Its no longer raw”.
Jaehyun had to swallow back his laughter cause jungwoo was explaining such an idiotic thing in a very serious way like his life depends on it. “but you don’t call it not being good at cooking. Its not knowing how to cook. Knowing how to do something is different from being good or bad at it” jaehyun argued.

Jungwoo resisted “no. look, the good or bad adjective works for knowing everything. Like when someone follows the rules, you won’t call them an average person, you will call them a good person because they haven’t broken any rule. Even though following the rules is just the standard. So standard translates to something good in your brain. But you will consider them a bad person if they don’t follow the rules the way you want them to. So that’s it. I’m just not good with your cooking standard.”
Jaehyun just blinked with an open mouth. That amount of correct information that didn’t make any sense was making his head hurt. He sighed and got up from his chair ”and I’m not standard at all for understanding your words so lets just make that sandwich cause I don’t think I can survive any longer without food”

Jungwoo smiled, absolutely satisfied with the result of his words. Jaehyun liked his smile, not because it seemed mischievous, neither cause it was rare or cause it would make him look prettier. But because he would smile only when he felt happy. Like pure happiness and it was the second time jaehyun was witnessing it. He couldn’t remember the first time. He was too hungry to remember anything at that moment.
“good luck!” jungwoo said, still feeling satisfied.
“you too good luck. Now c’mere and help me out” jaehyun said and walked towards the little kitchen in their room.
“what?? NO, I just told you that I’m not good at it”
He couldn’t see jungwoo’s face but he was so sure that jungwoo is super annoyed at that moment and jaehyun couldn’t help but chuckle. He turned to jungwoo and folded his arms. He couldn’t hide his wide smile. Jungwoo was slightly frowning and with that height, he looked like an oddly tall child that have been told to clean the dirt off his toy BY HIMSELF. Like it was such a big deal.
Jaehyun raised an eyebrow “I’m not doing anything for free unless you help me with it… and I don’t think I would have any problem with those weirdly chopped lettuces of yours in my sandwich”

.

 It was a cold day and the heating system for all the dormitory was out of order. Jaehyun was wondering when was the last time this old building has worked properly, either too hot to breath or freezing cold as if students had adaptable skins. he was wearing a hoodie and had a blanket wrapped around his shoulders but even all that didn’t stop him sniffling. Jungwoo as usual was sitting cross-legged on his chair reading his favorite book in all winter clothes, woolen socks, woolen gloves and woolen hat. Like he was spending a snowy day outside. He seemed paler than usual. Jaehyun didn’t know how many more hours they could survive without catching a cold. Finals were coming and catching a cold was the last thing all student would want.
Jaehyun was staring at jungwoo. More because he was bored and he didn’t have anything else to do while Jungwoo was looking at his book with amazed eyes. Jaehyun could swear that jungwoo hasn’t moved even a single page forward since the first day they met. Which was almost 3 months ago. He had yet to understand what book it was and he never really touched jungwoo’s stuff to see how often did he change the bookmark in his book. although he kinda wanted to.

“how come you never finish that book?” jaehyun asked suddenly. After a few while they were comfortable enough with each other to ask questions out of curiosity. Just like that time jungwoo asked him why he wanted to become a lawyer.
Jungwoo glanced at him and then turned back to his book again “I’m not just reading it, I’m trying to understand each word of it. This book has a very interesting story.”
Jaehyun noded in understanding “how many pages is it in total?”
“about seven hundred… why? Are you interested?”
“not… yet. How many pages have you read?”
“one hundred and five”
Jaehyun estimated that maybe next year he will find jungwoo closing that book after finally finishing it. If he was that slow in reading books then how did he managed to finish all those books a few while ago for his research?
“do you read every book like this?” jaehyun asked confused.
“no, every book is different. A book can be read for tomorrows test or it can be used to find little details for a research, it can be used just to get general education or just for enjoying the book itself. I enjoy reading this book and I’m living with it.”
“your interest for this book is because of its story and content. So… does it take you that long to watch your favorite movie too?”
Maybe jungwoo’s thoughts were mostly inapprehensible but the way he chose to think about everything was very interesting. Weird, new but interesting. Jaehyun wanted to hear more.
Jungwoo finally cut off his sight from the book and stared at the ceiling instead “no,... movies and books huh? You cant compare them.”
“but so many of movies were made based on books.” Jaehyun commented.
This time jungwoo was looking directly at him explaining “that’s right but those are very different. Movies are limited. But books give you the chance to create your own imaginations. But when you’re watching a movie based on a book, you’re actually watching its director's imaginations of that book. Its as if someone hands you an already baked pizza. But reading a book is like putting all the needed ingredients together and shaping its dough all by yourself to make that pizza. Do you really think these are the same?”

Jaehyun was thinking deeply. He didn’t want to admit that jungwoo’s words really did seem intellectual. Actually all of his words did, most of the time. Maybe jaehyun was turning into a weirdo just like jungwoo or maybe he always had that weird part in him and that was why he could listen to jungwoo talking without losing his mind.
“do you like pizza?” jaehyun asked before jungwoo gets to return to his book. He nodded.
Great! We can order pizza for tonight. Jaehyun thought.

Jungwoo didn’t usually go out much and it made jaehyun wonder, does he even have friends? But anyways eating pizza in that cold weather in their room and with jungwoo wearing all winter clothes could make them feel like they were out getting a pizza in a snowy day. Just like what two normal roommates would do. Normal… jaehyun thought. They were too far from that word or maybe he should've said jungwoo was too far away from that word. but considering the time he has been spending with him lately, maybe jungwoo's very unique quirks and habits had been spread through his life style like a virus. maybe jungwoo had paralyzed his braincells with his words so much that the sensation of having a scrambled brain led him into thinking that he's actually enjoying their conversations.
He stared at jungwoo again and watched how he takes off his hat and wraps a hair band around his hair. It had been a week since he started doing that. And somewhere in jaehyun’s mind that he didn’t want to admit its existence, he wanted jungwoo to never cut his hair.
“so you really do know how to cook!” jaehyun said giggling to distract himself from staring at jungwoo. It didn’t help cause jungwoo chuckled and shrugged “ told you so” and he stared back at his book and jaehyun back at him.

.

    Jaehyun was drying his hair when jungwoo got back to their room. From class? Maybe. He watched him taking off his purple winter scarf and his white coat. crawling under his blanket. Jungwoo never wore matched clothes. Jaehyun assumed that he didn’t really care about being stylish and he would wear whatever he could find in the closet.
Jaehyun felt like he has to say something. It wasn’t like they were talking all the time but jaehyun just felt like he should break the silence “have you heard? About the boy in the med school that committed suicide?”

only two days had passed since that incident but everybody were talking about it. About a boy who fell off a window in girls dormitory. No one really knew what happened but there was already a lot of rumors and theories spreading between students. Jaehyun had no thoughts about this incident but maybe he wanted to know what jungwoo had to say about it.
“yeah!” was the only thing he heard. Did that conversation just end before it started? But jungwoo pulled the blanket to the side and sat on his bed. He seemed kind of uncomfortable, maybe even a little tense
“actually, I saw it myself. I was there after the police arrived”
Jaehyun couldn’t be more surprised “what were you doing there??”
Jungwoo was still looking ahead “I went to meet my friend. You know… she was so scared”
It was the first time jungwoo had mentioned anything about his friends. He didn’t seem to be in relationship with someone but the thought of him not having any friends because of his strange personality was wrong.
“there was a dead body next to their feet and they were talking about how that boy broke some rule. Because he was at girls dorms” jungwoo added with a disgusted face.
Jaehyun couldn’t tell if jungwoo was feeling sorry for that boy or he was just mad at those people. So he commented with hesitation “maybe they chose the wrong time to mention it but … that’s true that he had broken a rule.”
Jungwoo turned to him “not everything is about the rules. Laws can be stupid and breaking any kind of rule won’t make you a criminal. They were talking about it like he was a some kind of a psycho killer or something.” Jungwoo said with a frown.
“rules are not that important anyway” and he was neutral again.
Jaehyun tried “but they are!!!.” Jungwoo had an unimpressed look. He was obviously going to disagree.
“they’re not. At least not in that situation. You know if I go out and kill a murderer before they could hurt anyone else… I’ll be a criminal. But if a cop do the same, they will be a hero. Even though we both stopped a crime from happening. So all of these are about labels. Laws do not apply to the people who created them. Just like the manager and the repairman of girls dormitory. They’re both male but no one is questioning them for breaking the rules.”
Jaehyun just wanted to say wow but of course he didn’t. talking to jungwoo was like talking to a creature from another planet. He would always confuse jaehyun but it was still intriguing to him.
“oh and, laws are variable.” Jungwoo added.
“what do you mean?” jaehyun asked.
“I mean they can arrest you for kissing a boy in another country… but it didn’t happen to you last night. So laws can variable”
Jaehyun was thrown back by that, shocked. That was true. He was indeed kissing a boy last night at the club. But how did jungwoo know about it? Did he hear it from someone? Did he see them? But jungwoo wasn’t a person you could find in the club. Imagining him being there was not sitting well with him.
The question ran out of his mouth “how do you know that?”
“I was just passing by and I wanted to get a drink” jungwoo shrugged and replied, like it was the most ordinary thing to do.
Jaehyun asked with surprise “I didn’t know you liked those drinks… I mean alcohol”
“not all of them… just champagne” jungwoo replied.
Jaehyun didn’t know how to feel about this. Was he supposed to be embarrassed? He didn’t know how jungwoo would think about it. They’ve never talked about this kind of stuff. About gender and sexuality. And a part of jaehyun was thinking how weirder jungwoo can get. Of course, drinking alcoholic drinks was normal. But you couldn’t put the word normal and jungwoo in the same sentence.

what even being normal means anymore?

Jaehyun had to get used to situations like this to be less surprised every time jungwoo would mention something new about himself.
“are you guys dating? Not that it matters to me it’s just… I don’t want anyone else in my room… so…?” jungwoo said looking directly at him.
Jaehyun felt shy with that question. He replied stuttering and hesitantly “n-no… that was… that was just a kiss”
He wasn’t sure himself. All he could remember was how badly he wanted to kiss that boy at that moment. Maybe he drank too much last night and that was the reason why he couldn’t remember things properly. Maybe he should have called Johnny to ask about what happened last night. He didn’t know why but this whole thing made him so nervous. Jaehyun wasn’t afraid of jungwoo judging him right??? He just cared more than needed cause they were living together.
Jungwoo glanced at him once again and then crawled back under his blanket.

.

   There was a pile of papers on his table and jaehyun had to organize them all. Those papers were a report of his analysis and interpretation for one of the general courts that he had to hand to his professor. He put a lot of time and effort into this assignment and it was kinda the most important project he had ever done. He hadn’t even reach half of the pages when he suddenly pulled back his hand feeling a sudden pain in it. There was a little papercut on his finger but it was burning like hell. Jaehyun groaned from pain and frustration. Now he had to organize those papers all over again.
“what did you do?” heard jungwoo’s surprised voice.
He got up to go and wash his scar. It was ridiculously bleeding, thank god the little scar didn't bleed on the papers, ruining everything he worked for “its nothing… just a paper cut”
Cold water reduced the pain and the bleeding but it didn’t stop, so he wrapped a paper towel around it and went back to sit on his chair and return to his work again.
“lemme see” jungwoo said from behind, already gotten up from his seat walking towards jaehyun.
Jaehyun tried “its nothing… don’t worry about it” but jungwoo went to him anyways and held his hand pulling it closer to his face to get a better look. Jungwoo’s hands were ice cold. It was the first time in all those months that they had physical contact. Jaehyun couldn’t read his face. He had a neutral expression as usual. With a hardly visible frown. jungwoo let go of his hand after checking it and went to his bed. Like he was looking for something between the mess of his stuff. Their room was clean most of the time. At least to the point that you didn’t have to look at the floor while walking in case you would step on something. But jungwoo’s side of the room was either super clean or super messy. and that day was one of those messy days.
After a few minutes he turned back with something that seemed to be a band aid and handed it to him. Jaehyun thanked him and smiled at him with the brightest smile of his.
Jungwoo chuckled, surprised. Jaehyun had heard him laugh recently when he was watching something on his phone. He didn’t know if jungwoo’s laugh was so funny and contagious or did it make jaehyun so happy to make him laugh as well. cause he was now laughing with confusion while he didn’t even know what made jungwoo’s straight face change.
“what?” jaehyun said still giggling.
“I didn’t know you have it” jungwoo was smiling.
“what do I have?”
Jungwoo pointed at his own cheek “dimples”
Jaehyun touched his cheeks as if he had just noticed that. He nodded “yeah”
Jungwoo giggled once again “that’s so cute” and then he turned back to his chair.
After a few seconds, jaehyun felt his cheeks burning, He was blushing so hard. He quickly turned his chair to the wall to hide his red face.
Why did that compliment made me feel like I won something?

He took a deep breath and tried to distract himself with his work while he was struggling to put the band aid on his scar properly. But he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.
A few hours later that day, when jaehyun finally finished organizing his report, jungwoo asked him “do you like tattoos?”
They both were lying on their beds. Jaehyun turned to look at jungwoo and then he looked at his finger. He had a tattoo on his finger, the same one that was covered with a band aid now. He mumbled “well… yeah”
“why?” jungwoo asked immediately. And he continued “I don’t get it… why would you go through so much pain just to get something that you think it seems cool on your skin… like I can slap you in the face and make your cheeks go red cause you know, blush is pretty popular these days… but you can easily get that blush with just putting some makeup on without needing to endure any pain… just like tattoos… people can get it with some stickers but they choose the painful way… that doesn’t really make sense to me”

Jaehyun was staring at jungwoo’s side profile. Didn’t know if jungwoo was serious about slapping him in the face. He took another look at his tattoo “ that’s true that its painful and there are some other ways but… you can’t keep a makeup or a sticker forever”
“why would you want to keep something forever in the first place?” jungwoo seemed like he had no idea.
Jaehyun explained “obviously there are things that you want to keep forever… like a memory” jungwoo was listening in silence. Jaehyun’s tattoo was a simple design of a cat.

“like my tattoo. Its in memory of my cat that I wanted to keep forever” and he smiled at the thought of it.
Jungwoo turned to his side to look at jaehyun, He seemed to be interested. Jaehyun continued “when I was at middle school, I used to work a part time job at a restaurant. And one day when I was about to head home from work, I heard a cat noise. I found it in an alley sitting next to a bigger cat. That bigger cat being her mother which was dead, probably got hit by a car. I took that cat home with me that day and I took care of it for years. She brought so much happiness to my life and I wanted to keep her forever”
Jungwoo’s eyes softened. Perhaps he liked animals “what was her name?” he asked softly.
“ginger. I chose this name cause of her fur color. She was so gentle and lovely. We were pretty good together. She always reminds me of good times. Like when we used to relax under the sunshine, I used to read books and she used to take naps next to me” jaehyun sighed after he finished.
“what happened to her?” jungwoo asked.
“ginger lived with us for eleven years… and then obviously she got old and then she died. Its been a year and half now” jaehyun replied.
“I tattooed this to keep her memory forever… but don’t get me wrong, we have a lot of memories from her in our house” he added.
“like her toys?”
Jaehyun giggled imagining his home “no… like her kittens. My parents’ house turned into a kindergarten for kittens. Now that I’m not there I guess they’ve taken over my room too… if I go back, I will have to sleep on the couch”
Jungwoo was smiling so bright.
Pure happiness!
Jungwoo’s smile made him feel good. He really liked that rare smile. He didn’t want to ruin that smile with his next words but he had to remind him something.
So he started “but anyways there are people like me who tattoo things cause of the meaning behind it and there’s a lot of people who tattoo things cause they think it looks beautiful or cool. If enduring pain in order to get a tattoo and keep it forever doesn’t make sense to you and you think it’s not worth it, it doesn’t mean that its not worth it for others as well. you know, people have different personalities and opinions. not all of them think like you do”
Jungwoo nodded slowly. He was still smiling “that’s right” and they kept on staring at each other for what felt like an eternity. It wasn’t a competition. It was just them not being able to break the eye contact. Jaehyun got up, breaking the eye contact when he felt the heat on his face.
“hey… that was rude” jungwoo said in an annoyed tone.

Jaehyun looked at him in surprise. There was no longer a bright smile. Just the usual poker face. “what?”
“you getting up. I was looking at you” jungwoo said.
Jaehyun had to try his best to stop his lips from forming a smirk. He was so surprised. sure Jungwoo was unpredictable but this was on another level.
“I-… did you expect me to stay there for you to look at me?” jaehyun asked in disbelief.
Jungwoo nodded seriously and made jaehyun fail on his try not to laugh challenge. “I’m not a doll to stay there for you to watch me… I have things to do!!!” jaehyun said. Still giggling.
“obviously you’re not a doll but you’re handsome… I like looking at you” jungwoo shrugged.
Jaehyuns smile faded slowly. If he wasn’t blushing a while ago, he definitely was now. He didn’t know how to react. He called him cute a few hours ago and now this. He had heard compliments like that from others before but jungwoo was different. Oh he was so different!
“oh, and you don’t have things to do. Its Sunday and you’ve already finished your report before… unless you’re going out”
Oh yeah! That was a good excuse for jaehyun to get out of the room. He had to call his friends up. he didn’t reply with anything and just went to the mini refrigerator in their room to take jungwoo’s favorite ice creams out. Eating ice cream for cooling down seemed like a good plan cause jaehyun could feel the burning heat on his face.
He handed one of the ice creams to jungwoo and sat down on his bed again. Biting the ice cream made his teeth freeze. He knew if he go out right after eating ice cream, he will feel so cold. So he stayed longer in the room for his body’s temperature to go back to normal, or maybe he stayed for jungwoo to watch him more.

.

   It was almost two in the morning. They both were supposed to be asleep but well… they weren’t. it wasn’t like they had a specific time to sleep. If one of them wanted to go to sleep they would turn off the lights and if the other one had things to do, he had to do it quietly. Jaehyun would go to sleep early comparing to jungwoo. It didn’t matter if they both had stuff to do till late at night, jaehyun would go to sleep earlier than him at any condition. Jungwoo kinda didn’t sleep a lot. He was always working with his laptop till late at night and because of the lack of sleep, -that jungwoo probably wouldn’t get enough time to recover from- he had dark circles under his eyes.
He was working with his laptop at that moment as well while jaehyun was texting johnny. Jaehyun had no classes for tomorrow so he let himself stay up late, even though that time of night was considered late only by him.
Jungwoo suddenly started talking… as usual “have you ever thought about your existence?” and he turned his chair to face jaehyun.
Jaehyun looked at jungwoo with confusion.
Existence…??
“what do you mean By existence?” jaehyun asked.
Jungwoo explained “I mean… your existence. Have you ever thought that you are a living creature at this moment who is breathing right now?”
Jaehyun honestly had never thought about it. He didn’t even know if you could think about such a thing. He was interested and he knew that for sure it was not going to be a short conversation. So he texted johnny goodnight and put the phone away then he sat on his bed and leaned his back against the wall.
“no… never… what about you?” jaehyun said.
“maybe every once in a while…?” jungwoo replied.
“tell me more about it… what exactly do you think about?” and he waited to hear jungwoo’s interesting answer.
“I think about life… about that I’m living and breathing at this moment… that I exist. That I can think. That I have the ability to talk and communicate with the fellow human beings. That I can move my body to do the things I want… you know, the meaning of existence is so strange. Like the way I’m spending this minute of my life as a person. I’m living and I exist, not just for me but I exist for the earth too. I exist in people’s thoughts and memories as well. I am living in this body and I have the ability to think about my existence.” Jungwoo finally stopped when he didn’t seem to be finding the right words to describe his mind anymore.

Jaehyun felt like jungwoo’s words made his head hurt. Thinking about those things was like pure madness yet fantastic at the same time.
“wow…um… there’s a lot of things to think about. It can make you lose your mind” jaehyun commented still thinking deeply.
“yeah honestly that’s why I don’t think about it all the time. Just every once in a while… its like i keep forgetting it and remembering it from time to time, and now with my existence I made you think about yours” jungwoo said enthusiastically. you could see the sparks of excitement in his eyes.                                                                           Jaehyun chuckled “I don’t think I can sleep tonight!”
Jungwoo chuckled as well “Great!”

Honestly jaehyun never thought he could talk about things like this with his roommate. he never thought he could talk about things like this with anyone in general. He liked them being like this. Late at night… talking about the things that he couldn’t talk about with any other person.
“oh, I have a movie you might like” jungwoo added and turned back to his laptop.
Are we gonna watch a movie right now?... together??

Jungwoo turned again on his chair. He seemed hesitant “hey… um… do you even have time to watch a movie? Like, you’re not sleepy or something?” Jaehyun thought that if he was a little bit sleepy before this, he was definitely wide awake now.  “I don’t have anything to do for tomorrow and no, I’m not sleepy at all thanks to your idea of existing”
Jungwoo nodded “good! cause you know… I would really get mad if you were to fall asleep during the movie.”

He had seen jungwoo getting mad and frustrated only a few times befor, like when he was trying to write an essay and he couldn’t find the right words he wanted. But jungwoo getting mad at him? It never happened before and jaehyun didn’t really want it to ever happen.
Jaehyun chuckled in surprise “okay… but why getting mad?”
“cause if I wanted to watch the movie by myself I wouldn’t have asked you. And if I have watched that movie before, I basically played it for you to watch. And you falling asleep on it, means you just wasted my time!” jungwoo explained.

Jaehyun thought, that was right. Jungwoo had every right to get mad at such a thing. That was actually kinda rude. Jaehyun remembered all those times he fell asleep while watching a movie, fortunately there was no jungwoo in his life back then.
Jungwoo stood in front of jaehyun with the laptop in his hands “is it okay if we watch it on your bed?”
Jaehyun was surprised. On his bed? How were they supposed to fit there? But he didn’t care so he just replied with “yeah. No problem” and he waited to see where did jungwoo plan to place the laptop.
Jungwoo turned off the lights and replaced the pillow on jaehyun’s bed with his laptop and then he laid on the bed on his stomach resting his chin on his palm. He bumped the pillow to jaehyun’s leg when he saw him not moving.
“what?? Come on lay down”
Do we even fit in?... are we really going to watch the movie like this?... is he comfortable on my bed?... why did he ask to watch it on my bed in the first place?

There was so many thoughts in his head but he finally laid down and tried not to pay attention to their touching shoulders. After a few minutes he was too focused on that complicated movie to notice jungwoo was looking at him every once in a while to see his reactions.
the movie ended after almost three hours but jaehyun was still staring at the blank screen of the laptop. Jungwoo laid his head on the bed.
“how do you know if you exist?” he asked in a hush tone with eyes that sparkled in the dark.
Jaehyun laid his head as well and stared back at him “I… I don’t know…”
They were laying close enough for jaehyun to catch jungwoo’s smile even in the darkness of the room. They kept their eyes at each other for a good two minutes.
“goodnight!” jungwoo said softly finally breaking their eye contact and left jaehyun with a brain full of new information.
And jaehyun thought… how am I gonna sleep now?....

.

Jaehyun was busy collecting his dirty clothes when jungwoo rushed to their room. He closed the door behind him quickly and leaned on it. He took out his phone out of his pocket and looked at its screen annoyingly. Like he was going to cry or something. He threw the phone on his bed, following the floating device with his eyes, making sure it landed safely on the bed. He had this habit of throwing things on his bed. Didn’t matter if it was clothes or books or his phone.
“she’s calling again… again… again” jaehyun heard his mumbling. He wanted to ask what happened but instead he decided not to interfere “I’m heading to the laundry room, do you have any dirty-“
  “do you know how to talk to a patient?” jungwoo spat out cutting him off mid sentence.

That was a weird question to ask. Jaehyun was confused “a patient? like how?”
Jungwoo finally moved from the door and sat on jaehyun’s bed and started “well… look we just recently realized that my auntie is pretty sick and my mom told me to call her” and he continued like he was talking to himself “I mean I don’t even get why do I have to listen to her and call my auntie but well… my mom pays for my university and dorm and it means I have to do whatever she asks…but the problem is that I don’t know what to say”
He met jaehyun’s gaze and added “I mean… I have no idea what to say if I call her. What do you need to tell to a patient in the first place? I can’t make anything up… what would you say to a patient?”
“what kind of conversation do you mean?” jaehyun asked.
Jungwoo explained “like… imagine I have cancer and now I’m at the hospital. You call me, what do you say?”

Jaehyun got it. He meant something like consolation and expressing ones symphathy. So all jungwoo’s problem was this? it sounded like an easy talk to jaehyun.                      “I’d say… I hope you get better soon and come back home healthy. It’ll be alright just know that we are here for you if you ever needed anyth-“
Jungwoo cut him off again with an unimpressed look “Lies!”
“what do you mean?” Jaehyun asked with raised eyebrows. He was kinda offended.
“I mean… what would they need us for? There’s nothing we can do for them anyway… so that’s a lie” jungwoo answered shrugging.
Jaehyun rolled his eyes. Jungwoo was unbelievable. Maybe if he was a normal person, jaehyun wouldn’t try to explain to him. But well… jungwoo was unusual, also smart and dissocial. So he explained kinda sarcastically while collecting his clothes “you’re right. You’ll get better, its gonna be alright, I’m here if you ever needed me, its okay, All of these are lies we tell to make each other feel better. You could be a cancer patient laying on the hospital bed knowing you will die. But hearing this lies from your loved ones will give you strength and energy and you’ll tell yourself maybe I’m disappointed but there are people out there hoping for my recovery”
Jungwoo remained silent. He seemed to be thinking deeply about jaehyun’s words.
“you may not understand it fully but at least try” jaehyun ended his speech putting his clothes in his backpack and walked to the door. But jungwoo’s voice stopped him before he gets to open it and leave “hey wait”
“what?”
“I have to talk to my auntie remember? I might understand what you were trying to say but still...” he was obviously having a hard time. Jaehyun chuckled and finally turned to look at his face. If he didn’t know jungwoo, he would think he was going to cry. He was kinda pouting. Now that he was thinking, he had never seen jungwoo crying. Maybe because there wasn’t anything to make him so emotional yet. Why was he even thinking about it?
“put your dirty clothes in a bag and come with me… I’ll help you out”

After a few minutes of jaehyun explaining and jungwoo complaining, now he was waiting for dryer to finish drying their clothes while watching jungwoo putting his phone in his pocket and turning back to jaehyun. Jungwoo let out the breath he seemed to be holding as soon as he returned back to the laundry room.
“I feel like I was suffocating” he said throwing himself next to jaehyun on the bench.
Jaehyun giggled “it wasn’t that bad… was it?”
“it was the most awkward experience I’ve ever had. I do not recommend it… but it didn’t kill me so …” jungwoo responded then turned his head to face jaehyun “thank you, you really helped” he said with the most ethereal smile of his.

.

 It was a Tuesday night when jaehyun found jungwoo adjusting his laptops angle while opening some snacks.
he seemed like he was going to watch a movie, jaehyun assumed.
Jaehyun had nothing left to do for that day, maybe he had some stuff to organize but he could do it later, maybe another time when wasn't feeling so bored and numb. so he asked jungwoo “what are you gonna watch?”
Jungwoo turned his head and met his gaze “Wall E”
Jaehyun was surprised. Wasn’t that animation a little old?
“you haven’t watched that before?”
“I did… a thousand times”
“counting this as a thousand and one? why rewatching it so many times?” jaehyun asked.
Jungwoo looked at him as if he had asked the strangest question ever, like he always did with with every single question that came out of jaehyun's mouth. treating everything he knew as common knowledge. “why do you watch a movie? cause you haven’t watched it before or because it’s interesting?”
Jaehyun got his answer. Jungwoo was still waiting, staring at him as if he knew that he had something to say. Jaehyun pointed at his laptop “put it on my bed… lets watch it together”
Jungwoo seemed to agree cause he shrugged and picked up his laptop and the snacks he had just opened. Watching movies while laying down on jaehyun’s bed, had become a habit for both of them. It wasn’t like they had a special reason to choose jaehyun’s bed, maybe it was because jaehyun’s bed was mostly tidier than jungwoo’s or maybe because jungwoo had never offered his own bed before.

Watching movies with jungwoo was fun. Even though jungwoo wouldn’t talk much while watching, but he had a good taste in movies and if he had extra information about something that was mentioned in the movie, he would explain it to jaehyun and jaehyun really enjoyed seeing this side of jungwoo. enthusiastic and passionate, unlike his ususal numb poker face.
Jaehyun watched jungwoo getting comfortable on his bed, a scene he had seen a lot lately and it honestly warmed his heart. Maybe jungwoo wasn’t like any of his friends nor made him feel the same way but he still liked his company and he enjoyed spending time with him. the way they would discuss the weirdest subjects that could occur to mankind and the way they would talk about things he had never talked about with anyone before. Not because no one could make him feel as comfortable as jungwoo, but because no one ever cared to talk about the smallest things.
“hey… you’re coming or not?” jungwoo’s voice dragged him out of his thoughts. Jaehyun shook his head and crawled into bed and as soon as he sat, he remembered something.
“wait… didn’t you have an important test tomorrow? Shouldn’t you be studying for it now?” jaehyun asked concerned.
“I studied enough… all I need right now is emotional support” jungwoo giggled which made jaehyun chuckle as well cause it was actually funny to think that jungwoo was nervous for his test and he was going to watch an animation he had watched a thousand times before for emotional support.
Wait… it actually does make sense though.
Yeah maybe jungwoo was a little too neutral sometimes to the point that it made jaehyun forget about the fact that jungwoo was just a human with lots of insecurities and vulnerabilities and of course emotions. Jaehyun took a breath and laid down slowly as he watched jungwoo already smiling at the screen, pressing play.

It was on the last scene of the animation when jaehyun heard jungwoo sniffling. He turned to side to look at him but jungwoo’s face was covered with his long hair and jaehyun couldn’t see anything but his tangled hair and his hands that were kind of wiping something off his face probably tears-
Wait … WHAT???
And jaehyun failed to stop himself from asking “are you crying?” and he sounded more like he was asking jungwoo if he is deadass serious.
Jungwoo sniffled again and turned his head to look at him with shiny eyes replying “yes! And what about it?”
Why was jaehyun so surprised? Because jungwoo was crying over a happy ending animation all of a sudden or because he had never seen that side of jungwoo showing how much comfortable he is to sniffle on his bed and admit his emotions?
“I just… nothing” he decided to shut his mouth before saying something wrong.
Jungwoo leaned his head on the pillow after shutting the laptop down and mumbled “I know the ending was happy… I'm just moved and impressed by the way Wall E and Eve loved each other”
Jaehyun studied his face. He didn’t seem to be sleepy so he laid on his back staring at the ceiling and asked “do you believe in love?”
Jungwoo didn’t reply at first. It was like he was collecting his thoughts and his delay made jaehyun think, maybe it was too sudden to ask such a thing.
“I… I do… but I don’t believe in people’s expectations from love for it to be a forever strong feeling that will make your brain go exclamation mark and make your entire body burn and also make you do things that doesn’t make sense at all” jungwoo finally replied kind of frustrated.
“what kind of love do you believe in then?” jaehyun asked calmly.

“you know, it doesn’t have to be a magical feeling that lasts forever. people get tired of each other if they don’t try hard to keep a relationship, no matter how much they love each other and that’s a fact. for me, love is being comfortable with someone who can make you trust them and they can make you happy and make you feel like its okay to be weird, that you’re not gonna be judged. Its when you have actual things to share and talk about other than the question 'how was your day'. It doesn’t have to be exciting. I’m not gonna deny the fact that it excites you but its only for the first few days you meet… its more about having a good time with someone”
That… that was interesting!
 if jaehyun was self centered enough, he would've have counted the things that would apply to him, but it was not about him, it was about jungwoo, and also jaehyun was not self centered at all to be so delusional about jungwoo having hypothetical feelings for him. the thought was so random and out of nowhere that jaehyun had to push it away to welcome his new train of thoughts. Jaehyun liked jungwoo’s idea of love. It was simple and real. Yeah, it seemed more like reality than any other opinion on love. It was easy to imagine and easy to understand.
“what about you?” jungwoo hushed.
“hmm?” jaehyun almost didn't hear him.
“what kind of love do you believe in?”
Jaehyun had no idea how to answer this question anymore “you know its very hard to answer the same question that you just made a speech about. If before this I knew by any chance, I have no idea now after hearing your opinion. cause like, my brain is trying to study all the new information and make them understandable for me and then suddenly, you ask me about my opinion. Its just not working… I just don’t know anymore” jaehyun explained as he was giggling. He turned to his side to look at jungwoo who was chuckling and looking right back at him.
“so you mean I can change your mind? since you've had your own thoughts and opinions before this but after hearing me you have a new way to look at it”
“not my mind, you actually make me forget about it. But you can change my point of view for sure” jaehyun watched jungwoo’s smile growing bigger in the dark.
“that’s cool… I didn’t know I could do that” jungwoo almost whispered still keeping his smile.
Oh… you have no idea!

Jaehyun stared at his face. Jungwoo looked so beautiful smiling so bright. So beautiful to the point that jaehyun wanted to kiss him again and he didn’t know if it was okay to do it now. Before jaehyun could decide on whether or not to make a move, jungwoo leaned closer to his side. So close that made him swallow back the breath he meant to be letting out.
“so you can read my mind as well” jaehyun smirked while grabbing jungwoo’s waist, pulling him even closer. pressing their bodies together.
“well as you can see I’m very interested in you” jungwoo admitted in a whisper and finally closed the gap between their lips.
It was a thing between them now. It all started after the first time jungwoo asked jaehyun to kiss him. Well jaehyun still feel chills thinking about that day.

It was a tough day for jaehyun. He had two tests back to back and a very long class that caused him to deal with headache for the rest of the day. The only good part of the day was jungwoo. Well not exactly him maybe, but jungwoo had bought a late night dinner for them to eat in the room with a bottle of beer for jaehyun and oh jaehyun was so thankful for that. They were in the middle of eating when jungwoo asked a question that made jaehyun choke on his food.
“how does it feel to kiss a boy?” out of nowhere. As usual. And when he saw jaehyun choking he added “okay… I’ll wait till you finish” and jaehyun had no idea how to finish the rest of his food without overthinking or choking again.

After finishing and cleaning up, jungwoo was waiting for him to finally sit down on the bed and answer him. He had waited as he said but jaehyun had no answer for him.
He asked again like an interrogator “how does it feel to kiss a boy?”
Did he see jaehyun at the club kissing boys again? Was he trying to mock him? Was he going to tease him for the rest of the year? But when jaehyun looked at jungwoo’s face, he saw only geuinne curiousity, but it didn’t stop the overwhelming feeling jaehyun was experiencing at that moment. jungwoo kind of sounded like a journalist interviewng him about his experience. as if he was the first ever man to kiss another man.

“why are you asking me?? I’m not the only person in the whole world who kisses boys” jaehyun grumbled with a slight frown.
Jungwoo sat down on his own bed and tried to explain with his unreadable face “I mean… its not very easy to go out and spot a man loving man guy and ask them this. First, they will think you’re homophobic and they will ignore you or they might even deny it and second, not everyone has the nerve to answer my frank questions”
That was understandable why he couldn't ask anybody else. jaehyun knew he had put himself in this position. maybe if he was careful enough, he wouldn't have to deal with this now. he couldn't even think of what even made jungwoo so curious about that. was he wondering how it feels to kiss a man after probably kissing women all his life? was he questioning his sexuality? was it just to tease jaehyun and make him all embarrassed and red? he had no clue.
frank questions indeed!

“okay, you’re right but how am I supposed to answer your question. I can’t describe something like this for you… you know, its not a painting to describe. you have to experience it yourself to know how does it feel. It can be different for everyone… even if someone could tell you how it feels, its not gonna be the same feeling you get while doing it yourself” jaehyun explained, trying his best to be convincing so jungwoo would just let it go. Describing his sexual life was the last thing he wanted.
But jungwoo didn’t really seem to be convinced. Actually his facial expression would rarely change in a day so you could never tell what is going on in his head.
“well, your reasons were, comprehensible”
Sigh of relief…
“so if neither you nor anyone else can describe it for me, then show me” jungwoo said and confused jaehyun.
“show you what?”
Jungwoo looked neutral yet still, but jaehyun could swear that he saw his mischievous grin for a second.
“show me how does it feel to kiss a boy?”
Choke again…

Jaehyun was too shocked to say anything or make any sound. All he could do at that moment was mouthing “what?”
“you heard me” jungwoo said calmly.
Did he just ask me to kiss him?? Is he even serious?? He looks serious but… could he be joking with me?? Could this be a prank?? How am I even going to kiss you?

Jaehyun had no idea how to feel about this. Even if they did kiss, It would make everything awkward, wouldn’t it? Were they going to act like this never happened? It wasn’t like jaehyun didn’t want to kiss him at all if he was going to be a hundred percent honest with himself. Jungwoo was so handsome and he had nice lips. No one would ever reject the idea of kissing him. But he was his roommate, they were going to face each other every single day. But little did jaehyun know that normal awkwardness after something like this would only happen when you’re doing this with a normal person.

Jaehyun came back to reality when he noticed jungwoo moving. He moved to his bed and sat down next to him, closer than ever. Jaehyun had to gulp to stop his upcoming hiccup. For god’ sake he didn’t even drink that much of beer to get tipsy enough so he couldn't care about all the what if's dancing around in his brain. He tried his best to sound more frustrated than surprised “I haven’t accept that yet”

Jungwoo wet his lips and said “if you were going to say no, you would've snapped by now or you would laugh it away quickly… but you stayed still because you were thinking about it. You were thinking about agreeing and probably overthinking its consequences. That’s why you took so long and didn’t react at first”
Jaehyun was flabbergasted. Now that jungwoo could read him that easily, he felt like an open book in front of him, like there was no where to hide. He couldn’t help but chuckle out of disbelief. It was just a kiss… right? It wasn’t going to be that horrible unless jaehyun was going to blush and chew his lips every time he would notice that jungwoo is staring at him. He didn’t want to make a spoiled fool out of himself. But that was a problem for later.

He didn’t waste any other minutes and whispered “now that your smartass just knows it all” and he stared at jungwoo’s lips.
He could feel his heart beating faster while they were slowly reaching each other faces. It got even faster when jungwoo brushed their noses together. It was impossible for jungwoo to hear his heart racing, wasn’t it? Jaehyun leaned in and closed his eyes. Their noses brushed and their lips finally joined together. They moved slowly cause if jungwoo wanted to know how it feels, then jaehyun was going to make him experience the best first kiss ever. the thought of that made him gain back his long forgotten confidence. he tried his best not to deepen the kiss too quickly. Jungwoo’s lips were so soft and kissable that made jaehyun wonder how did he manage to never even look at them with the intention of kissing them numb?

His hands remained on bed cause jaehyun wasn’t sure if it was okay to touch jungwoo’s body or face. So he even gave up on deepening the kiss. It was just a trial thing anyway.
Jungwoo was following his moves and kissing him back. He couldn’t tell if he was enjoying. They didn’t stop until they both were out of breath and jaehyun ended the kiss within the last peck he left on jungwoo’s lower lip. He moved away from him a little and lifted his gaze from his soft lips to his eyes that were staring right back at him. The neutral expression he couldn’t read. Jaehyun’s gaze didn’t last long on jungwoo and he missed the little smile that appeared on his face just for a second.
Jaehyun sat back and took a deep breath. It was awkward already. He was blushing but he wasn’t sure if its too obvious and he hoped that jungwoo wouldn’t notice.
“so?” jaehyun mumbled chewing the inside of his mouth. almost regretting the question right after.
Jungwoo cleared his throat “well… I can’t tell by just one kiss”
Jaehyun blinked. IS HE FOR REAL?
“WHAT?? are you going to kiss every gay man out there to finally know how it feels?” jaehyun blurted before he could stop himself, he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
Jungwoo got up from the bed and moved to his own chair leaving jaehyun without answering. He turned on his laptop and started working with it like they didn’t just kiss a minute ago. It wasn’t like jaehyun expected him to react or something but he thought that maybe just maybe something will change. He stopped staring at jungwoo and laid down on bed to sleep. He was so tired.

“I’ll turn the lights off in an hour. I still have some stuff to do” he heard jungwoo.
Jaehyun hummed in response.
“and about your question… no, I don’t need to do that… you’re enough”
And jaehyun was glad that he was facing the wall now. So glad that jungwoo couldn’t see him blushing heavily. He had no idea what did jungwoo mean by saying that, but he didn’t even need blanket that night, he was feeling warm enough.

So they started to kiss and makeout casually after that like it was the most normal thing to do. It actually felt nice for jaehyun, cause having a connection like this with someone he knew and had a good feeling about also the lack of the need to explain and bringing up a good reason for it all or explaining what kind of relationship they had, was indeed nice. They liked it and they wanted to do it again. So why not? There was nothing stopping them.

.

   He was turning back from his class to the dorms when he saw jungwoo walking in the campus. He could recognize him even from the back. He used to always walk as if his backpack was too heavy to carry or he’s too exhausted to even drag his feet in every step.
“jungwoo” jaehyun called before jungwoo gets to enter the dormitory building. He lowered his speed just slightly but he didn’t turn back.
Is he ignoring me?

“HEY kIM JUNGWOO” he called again and watched jungwoo walking his way unbothered so he walked faster and bumped his shoulder to him as soon as he reached him.
Jungwoo jumped a little but when he glanced at him, he sighed. “can’t you hear me?? I was calling you” jaehyun said.
“oh… it was you” and they both started walking again.
“yeah it was me. Did you think its someone else? Wait so you DID hear me and you ignored it?”
“yeah you know… it’s a good strategy when you’re trying not to be recognized” jungwoo replied.
“ whta now? are you hiding from someone?” jaehyun asked while giggling.
“no… kinda yeah… from all the people I know? Maybe. Cause I hate pep talks”
“pep talks?”
“you know when you meet someone by accident, someone that you used to know and you haven’t met in a long time, when you actually didn’t have any reason to meet in the first place, and the way they reach you and you will start having a very awkward conversation. I hate it so much. The awkward conversation and also the awkward laughter when you don’t know what to say anymore ugh!" he stopped and massaged his forehead as if he was having a headache just by thinking about it. " so when I hear someone is calling me, I’ll try to ignore it to avoid having the pep talk after. I’ll pretend like I didn’t hear it and I’ll walk away hoping that person is disappointed in reaching me or they think they got the wrong person” jungwoo explained finally.
As usual he had a strange but convicing reason.

“what if that person is close to you? Like your friend or your family?”
“if its my friend then they’ll know that I won't answer, so they will just text me later saying they saw me in the street, but if its my family… I’ll just run” jungwoo said that last one in such a serious way that jaehyun didn’t know if he’s allowed to laugh at it. Maybe it was a serious thing.

“time flies… its Christmas next week” jaehyun announced a few hours later that day.
“where are you going for Christmas?” jungwoo asked while lying on his bed.
“obviously home, what about you?”
“I’ll just stay here”
that answer from jungwoo made jaehyun think that maybe he really does have a problem with his family “but why? That’s so boring”
“I know right? I’m already bored” jungwoo agreed.
Jaehyun felt bad and thought maybe he should offer him to spend the Christmas with jaehyun and his family instead of being alone in the dorms.
Jungwoo suddenly sat on the bed and stared at jaehyun with excited eyes and a grin “what if we go out today?” Jaehyun looked at him with raised eyebrows waiting for him to explain.
“since I’m not going anywhere for Christmas and I’m so bored right now…” he added.
Jaehyun suggested “we can go out on the Christmas day since you’re not going anywhere…”
“no, its so crowded outside on Christmas days. I don’t really think I can stand it nor have fun with so many people bumping into me, so… do you have any plans for today?” jungwoo asked as if he was hoping for jaehyun to agree.
Although jaehyun didn’t want to show it but jungwoo’s suggestion really made him happy and it made him believe that they were friends, not just two roommates who meant nothing more to each other.
“nope, are you taking me out on a date?” jaehyun teased.
Jungwoo shrugged “it can be a date if you wanna call it that. But its your decision to make after you got back and thought about the day you just had”
“guess we’ll find out” jaehyun agreed.

It was so cold outside, if it was anyone else, they would rather to stay in. jungwoo pulled his favorite purple winter scarf over his nose but he was walking so cheerfully you could tell he was enjoying the weather.
Jaehyun put his hands in his pockets “you seem so happy!”
“because I am happy” jungwoo confrimed and looked at him “what? are you freezing already?” he snickered.

“not freezing, you always hide yourself under your blanket and avoid getting cold cause you get cold easily… it’s a little weird that you’re so okay with it now”
Jungwoo shrugged “I don’t know how to explain it but me getting cold easily doesn’t mean that I don’t like the cold”

They were walking to the downtown that wasn’t very far from them. Jaehyun noticed that it’s the first time they are hanging out in a place that isn’t their room. Of course they went out together before but all of those times included them going to the laundry room or walking to the class and back to dorm or giving jungwoo the essay or the book he forgot to bring or getting breakfast together from university’s cafeteria. They have never really been outside with the purpose of having fun together.  Jaehyun always used to hang out with his friends on days like that and he sometimes used to get back to the dorms half sober. he didn’t hear jungwoo talking about his friends much and after all these time, he knew that jungwoo was not a type of person to go out a lot.

There was still frozen snow on the side walk and they had to be careful not to slip on it. So they were mostly focused on their steps therefore they weren’t talking much. It wasn’t an awkward silence but jaehyun felt like he should say something.
“can we go get some hot chocolate? It’ll be nice to warm up” jaehyun pouted imagining jungwoo would reject his request.
Jungwoo glanced at him “what’s with your face? Do I look that cruel to you?”
Jaehyun turned his head to look for the nearest café to them but jungwoo disappointed him with his next words “not in here”
“why??” jaehyun whined.
“cause I might run into my family at any second” jungwoo snored.
“your family?? Why would you see them in here?”
“obviously cause they live in the area” and he looked at jaehyun like he had just asked such a ridiculous question.

“are you telling me that your home is just around the corner and you live in a DORM? Why?” jaehyun asked in disbelief.
Jungwoo sighed “cause I didn’t want to live with my family anymore. Its not an abnmoral thing nor is it the strangest concept you've heared about so stop makeing that concerned face. I don’t have that much of problems with my family but well, you have no idea how frustrating it is to grow up as the weird child in the family , its not fun when you can't communicate with them properly and you can’t give your parents what they want or expect from you. So I chose to live in a dorm with a stranger that I have no responsibility towards, instead of living my family. Plus we were too different, we could've end up having real problems with each other”

“don’t you miss home?” jaehyun asked after a few moment.
“not really, i miss my mom’s cooking but well, I like it better living like this”
“what about your family?”
“you mean missing them?” jungwoo asked with raised eyebrows. Jaehyun nodded.
“of course not, its not like we’re living in two different worlds. that actually seems a lot like what we’re doing but what I mean is that I don’t have any reason to miss them when my mom is calling me every week. You probably heard her voice a lot” jungwoo answered and tried to imitate his mom’s voice.
“hey jungwoo, did you silent your phone again?? I know that you don’t have classes for today and you wont sleep at this time of day so don’t try to run from your mom or I won’t pay for your dorm”
Jaehyun was laughing and he didn’t know what would jungwoo’s mother think if she saw them making fun of her.
“she’s a little weird as well if you squint a bit. But she knows how to act like a normal person without exploding inside” jungwoo chuckled.
“but honestly, I miss my little brother sometimes” he added after a few seconds.

Jaehyun was surprised. After hearing those words from jungwoo he realized even though they have talked about the weirdest stuff before, they still didn’t know a lot of things about each other.
“I didn’t know you have a younger brother”
“well of course I have… do you think my parent could survive with just an odd child who doesn’t even want to live with them? They needed another child to finally be able to execute the PERFECT CHILD PLAN on. A plan that they failed on me” jungwoo explained and made jaehyun laugh again. talking as if he was a laboratory mouse for his parents.
“so you have to be so different from your brother”
“yeah… he’s really everyhthing all parents could ask for as a child and honestly, he’s THAT lovable to make someone like me miss him”

They kept on walking in silence for a few minutes till when jungwoo pointed at a café that was a few steps ahead of them and said “lets warm up there”
“are we far away enough from your home?” jaehyun asked.
“we’re far enough to not see my family around. Cause you know, they're all lazy just like me so they won’t appear this far” jungwoo rolled his eyes.
Jaehyun teased “so you made such a big deal right now for coming this far huh?”
“pretty much yeah but I’m having fun right now so it doesn’t matter” jungwoo replied and winked at jaehyun which made him almost tripping on his way.
After getting their orders, jaehyun looked around and after seeing a picture hanging on the wall with a mourning band on it, he suddenly asked “what do you think will happen to us when we die?” absolutely not even considering that it might be a sinsetive topic.

Jungwoo took a sip from his drink and stated “we’ll continue living somewhere else…?” like it was such an obvious thing.
Jaehyun rest his chin on his wrist “why do you think that? No one has ever been able to prove it”
“not to be religious or anything but imagining that life continues after death makes a lot more sense than thinking there will be nothing after… you know just like energy that can not be destroyed, only converts from one form to another. Our lives are just like that. life will never stop, it’ll just change its form after death. Its not a thing that you could ever prove but it makes sense. Sure, you can think that death is the end of THIS life but you can’t really imagine it’ll make you stop existing… right?”
That was a good answer. It was believable without needing any proof.
“you know it’s the second time you’re making me think about my existence“ jaehyun pointed out and finished his drink.
Jungwoo chuckled “yeah maybe we should change the topic and talk about something else”
Jaehyun agreed “yeah something less mind blowing”
“so… where are we going after this?” jungwoo looked at jaehyun.
“What do you mean? We were going to the downtown!?”
“yeah downtown. Where do you wanna go in the downtown”
Jaehyun raised his eyebrows “you’re not taking me on a date asking ME where I wanna go!”
“but I’m exactly doing that!”
Is he trying to be nice or he just can’t choose by himself cause he’ll be overthinking it after?!?
“Well downtown. its too early to watch a movie so… maybe ice skating?” jaehyun suggested.
“I don’t want to go back with a broken bone, I don’t know how to skate” jungwoo reasoned and simply that made jaehyun say his thought out loud “cute”
Jungwoo burst into laughter making jaehyun bite down on his lips. He somehow wasn’t really embarrassed, he just didn’t know where did that come from.
“how about bowling?” jaehyun offered.
“but I don’t know how to bowl… are you gonna call me cute for that too?” jungwoo smirked.
Jaehyun rolled his eyes, still smiling “I can teach you”

-

“I still can’t believe you did it that well” jaehyun praised when they finally came outta that bowling arena.
“nah, it wasn’t that good. but it wasn’t bad either” jungwoo replied while he was trying to fix his tangled hair and put his hat back on.
“you went to a bowling center for the first time ever and you got three strikes and you’re telling me it wasn’t that good? C’mon I’ll be offended as your coach” jaehyun said cheerfully.
“you know, I’m not good at sports” jungwoo commented.
“you say that cause you never try them”
Jungwoo giggled “well that’s true, but even trying them is so tiring”
Jaehyun felt like he’s talking to a child “of course its tiring. Its a sport. which is supposed to make your body consume energy”
“that’s exactly why I don’t like sports. You have to put a lot of energy and time on it just to be exercising”
“to have a healthy body” jaehyun corrected him.
“yeah whatever!”

 they were strolling in the downtown. All they could see was green and red. The city was preparing itself for Christmas but it wasn’t really crowded outside. Jaehyun thought that maybe it was the best time for going out just as jungwoo have said before. He heard jungwoo’s excited voice “hey lets get ice cream”
jaehyun looked at him in disbelief “are you planning to make us freeze to death??”
“c’mon it’ll be fun” jungwoo said with a big smile on his face, totally ignoring him.
“I don’t think it’ll be fun when we catch a cold and fuck ourselves up for the rest of the week” jaehyun nagged but jungwoo grabbed his hand and dragged him “c’mon… don’t be such a baby. No one catches a cold just by having ice cream”

Jaehyun groaned but the next thing he knew, he had an ice cream in his hand and he was chattering from the cold. Jungwoo was laughing at him and licking his own icecream carefree. having ice cream in such a freezing weather was like swallowing ice and he still couldn’t get which part of this was fun.
“I hate you, are you really enjoying this right now? I mean of course you enjoy making fun of me but REALLY? ICE CREAM??”

Jaehyun was frustrated but he still managed to finish his ice cream fast and he didn’t stop nagging cause it was all jungwoo’s fault that he was shaking at that moment and he was still giggling and getting on jaehyun’s nerves. Not in a way to make jaehyun want to punch him but in a way that he wanted to burn his blanket, so he said that out loud.      “I swear I will burn your blanket when we get back and I will watch you freeze all night cause that’s what you deserve”
Jungwoo laughed and teased back “and you will share your own blanket with me cause you’re too nice to do such a thing cutie!”

It made jaehyun chuckle cause that was indeed what he would do. He waited a little more for jungwoo to finish, still shaking.
“do you wanna warm up?” jungwoo pointed at him with his head and said after finally finishing that goddamn ice cream.
“YES, yes of course I want to” jaehyun replied and watched jungwoo’s smile growing bigger. A kind of mischievous smile that jaehyun knew it wasn’t a good sign. but before he could do anything about it, jungwoo grabbed his hand and started to run, dragging jaehyun with him in the side walk.
Jaehyun gasped but jungwoo was laughing too hard to care. “is this your way to get warm??” jaehyun screamed.
Jungwoo glanced back over his shoulder for a second and screamed back happily “I’m making you exercise, so you will consume energy, and your body produces heat, and you will feel warm”
Jaehyun laughed at his specific answer. That boy was truly something. He increased his speed so now they were running next to each other, holding hands and laughing loud like little children. They didn’t stop running till their legs started to hurt. Jaehyun had his hands on his knees, panting and sniffing while jungwoo just sat down where he was, in the middle of a mall they've just run to.
“get up” jaehyun said as soon as he could breathe properly.
“I can’t… I’m tired” jungwoo replied slowly laid down flat comfortably as if he was laying on his bed and not in the mall on the ground.
Jaehyun kneeled down and grabbed jungwoo’s hand “oh god. Get up everyone are looking at us”
“let them look so they will get jealous of how carefree I am” he said and smiled.

“no one will get jealous of getting their clothes all dirty for laying down in the mall, now get UP”
Jungwoo got up and sneered “does it scare you when people are staring at you with their judging faces?”
“what? No, I just don’t like doing weird stuff in public” jaehyun replied when they started to walk across the mall.
“but you kissed a boy in public” jaehyun rolled his eyes at jungwoo “can you stop bringing this up? I kissed that boy in a fucking bar”
“a public bar” jungwoo corrected him and when jaehyun frowned he added “I’m just trying to prove a point, people don’t really care about what you do outside. Yes, they may stare at you or laugh at you or act like you’re the most obnoxious human being they have ever seenو but when they get home at the end of the day, they will forget about what that random stranger did. cause they have a life to deal with”

jaehyun looked at him. He was explaining with such a serious expression as if he was in a very important conference.
“when people don’t care, then why do YOU care so much? Just let them look, be weird, act unnormal. You’re not hurting anyone with that, you’re just being you and you’re doing whatever you feel like doing” jungwoo stared back at him. “sometimes I think about being someone else, like the way I am me and not you or that little girl walking the other way with her mom. What if I was just an ordinary person? but then I remember that every person is weird in their own way, what I’m trynna say is that there is only one version of me in this world. Only ONE person with all of my personality traits and flaws. So if I try to hide all those things that make me different from others, then what is really special about being me?”
And then he sighed and glanced at jaehyun once again “just because something is weird or uncommon, it doesn’t mean its wrong”
Jungwoo’s speech that day was just a sudden discussion that jaehyun didn’t expect to stick with him for the rest of his life.

They spend the rest of the day strolling around, treating themselves to nice meals and desserts and after a while they ended up going to a night club, which didn’t really seem to be a good idea.
They were sitting on the furthest table from the dancing crowd but jungwoo was still frowning and squishing his ears protecting them from the very loud music. Jaehyun drank his third shot and screamed “it’s not that bad, you will get used to it”
Jungwoo screamed back “maybe I get used to it now, but definitely not to the massive headache that comes after it”
Jaehyun moved his chair closer to jungwoo so they wouldn’t have to scream all the time to hear each other. “why don’t you drink? You don’t wanna get drunk?” he asked as he took another shot.
Jungwoo shook his head “as I told you before, I don’t like drinks. Also someone has to be sober for unexpected events”
Jaehyun laughed “unexpected events?? What could possibly happen in a night club?” jungwoo looked at him like he said some nonsense and then jaehyun remembered all those unexpected crimes that happened at night clubs before. He took another shot and felt his head getting warm.
“why don’t you like drinks? Is it because of its taste?”

Jungwoo sipped his champagne “no, even though it tastes like shit but it won’t kill me, I just don’t like to be drunk”
“but the whole purpose of drinking is getting drunk” jaehyun said and drank another shot. “why though?”
Jungwoo rest his chin on his palm and replied “I just don’t like the idea of losing my control”
“but you won’t loose your control, you will just stop caring about things” jaehyun explained. jungwoo frowned “I know, its not like I’ve never been drunk before”
“hmmm… then you probably had a bad experience getting drunk, didn't you?”
“not a bad experience… it just didn’t feel good. You know the way you get drunk to have fun, well it wasn’t fun for me at all” jungwoo explained.
Jaehyun took another shot and started to feel tipsy. The music sounded so fun and he felt the need to dance with it.

“now that I’m thinking, I’ve never had sex with a guy”
Jaehyun chuckled “of course you haven’t, you haven’t even kissed a guy before me”
Jungwoo smirked and looked around the club. Jaehyun wondered what is he looking for. It didn’t take long for him to realize no matter how tipsy he was, and when he did, he shouted “YOU’RE NOT LOOKING FOR A MAN TO FUCK IN HERE, ARE YOU??”
Jungwoo chuckled “why not?”

Jaehyun couldn’t tell if he’s being for real or he’s just teasing him, so he shouted again “CAUSE YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME ALONE TO GO FUCK SOMEONE WHEN WE ARE OUT TOGETHER”
Jungwoo laughed again and replied “okay calm down, I’ll think about it on another day”
“whatever… I’m gonna go dance, you coming?” jaehyun stood up.
Jungwoo shook his head and took a sip from his champagne “if anyone in that crowd bump into me, I will throw up so no”
“you’re so dramatic” jaehyun rolled his eyes and walked towards the dancing crowd.

It took him 3 or 4 songs to go back and sit next to jungwoo exhausted and drunk as hell. “I’m tired” he mumbled and suddenly leaned in and kissed jungwoo’s cheek.
Jungwoo turned his head and met his gaze, analyzing jaehyun’s smiley face. “we should probably go back now… it’s getting late”
he landed his head on jungwoo’s shoulder and mumbled again “no, it’s too early to leave”
“they will give us warning cards if we arrive super late and you know that”
“oh c’mon jungwoo you’re no fun… we will sneak in or something” jaehyun said annoyed and it made jungwoo giggle. “I’m gonna go dance again before you get to drag me out of here” jaehyun said getting up from his seat leaving to dance with the crowd again.

They didn’t end up being super late to have to sneak in the dorms. Jaehyun took off his warm clothes and stayed still watching jungwoo changing into pajamas and he thought, jungwoo looks so beautiful with his pale skin and messy hair. He was still tipsy and all he could think about was touching him, so he didn’t waste any other seconds and went to jungwoo, cupping his face and kissed him. Maybe it was too sudden or unpredictable for jungwoo cause as soon as they lips met, he giggled on jaehyun’s lips and whispered “what are you doing?”
Jaehyun answered with kissing him again and felt jungwoo’s arms slowly tightened around his waist. They deepen the kiss as jungwoo laid down on jaehyun’s bed. Jaehyun felt so hot like he was burning inside and having jungwoo’s cold hands on his nape, was the best thing he could ever ask for. Jungwoo was kissing him back just as passionate and jaehyun couldn’t help but want more.
They made out till they both were out of breath and their lips were numb. Jaehyun started leaving kisses on his perfectly sculpted jaw and he heard jungwoo’s whimper as soon as he sucked on his neck. He shifted his head exposing more of his skin for jaehyun to cover it with wet kisses. Jaehyun was feeling so good so needy so drunk that he didn’t know and didn’t care if he might ruin it for them. He found his way to jungwoo’s lips, giving him a gentle peck.
“can I continue?” jaehyun whispered brushing his nose to jungwoos. Jungwoo looked at his face and gulped. Jaehyun was almost regretting it but jungwoo nodded and whispered back “yeah… go on”

Jungwoo got up from the bed as soon as they were done cleaning up. Jaehyun could only hide himself under the blanket, his heart still beating fast and he was feeling so shy that he didn’t even want to look after for jungwoo and ask if he liked it or if he was comfortable, just like he used to ask these from all the people he had ever slept with. so he slowly wore his boxer and sweatpants, trying hard not to make eye contact with him. Jungwoo seemed like he noticed cause as soon as he put his clothes on, he crawled back to jaehyun’s bed, sitting next to him and stared down at him making jaehyun feel like he’s reading him like an open book cause he was indeed doing it at that moment.

Jungwoo smirked “what is it?” as if he was testing to see if jaehyun will confess by himself. But jaehyun stayed quiet and chewed the inside of his mouth.
“are you telling me you’re shy right now? Your face is all red” jungwoo commented while giggling.
Jaehyun hid his burning cheeks under the blanket and swore under his breath. Jungwoo pulled the blanket just as jaehyun expected him to do and he felt shivers on his bare chest.
“I mean I know you’re shy and all that but you don’t get to be shy a minute after you were so confidently fucking into me” jungwoo mentioned so easily and jaehyun didn’t know if he could blush even more by hearing that. he was completely sobered up by now. not that he fucked jungwoo under the influence of alcohol, but surely it did make him much more comfortable and carefree. and now that all those artificial confidence was gone, he didn't know what to do with himself. not that he was regretting it, not at all, but because it felt so damn good, he knew himself enough to know he would get addicted to it. and the thought of that alone was making him tomato like enough, and jungwoo wasn't helping with his words AT ALL.

“stop making fun of me, and yes, I have every rights to be shy right now. It’s not like having sex with your roommate is the most normal thing that could ever happen to you” jaehyun replied with a grumpy face.
“I don’t know why do you still care about the normals. You enjoyed it, so what’s the matter?”
“it’s because we live together and we meet each other every single day. I don’t want to make things weird and uncomfortable for us. I don’t want to ruin our friendship just because we fucked and I have no idea what to do about it, other than being shy and overthinking” jaehyun explained frustrated, shy, annoyed and a little anxious. He could feel every kind of emotions dancing around his nerves body and face like he had been through a lot just in a few minutes.
“and yes… I did enjoy it… did you?” he asked a little later in a very low tone because of course he was shy.

Jungwoo smiled a little and replied “yes, and you don’t have to be so overwhelmed about this. We have been making out for the past few weeks and nothing has ever changed. It doesn’t matter if we’re roommates or friends or whatever, the label we chose to call each other with, is just a label. It’s just a name… instead of that, it’s us that matters. We’re just doing what we feel like doing and if we like it and we’re not hurting anyone with it, then why would we regret it? Why would it ruin anything in the first place?”
Jaehyun remained silent. He had nothing to say. Jungwoo made him feel so much better and he basically didn’t leave a single thing for jaehyun to worry about. But his next words cracked him up.
“and now I don’t really have to go around looking for some guy to fuck me so I can delete this from my nonexistence imaginary bucket list… yeah, you made it pretty easy” and jaehyun couldn’t help but crack up.

Jungwoo chuckled and asked a few minutes later “so how was today? Have you decided if it was a date yet?”
Jaehyun’s smile grew bigger and he said “well, I really had fun today. I enjoyed every minute of it… we even fucked after so it was definitely a date”
“I don’t know what that answer made me feel but we had fun indeed” jungwoo said with his no expression face as usual and then he added “I might go back home for Christmas too… it feels so boring and lonely in here anyway”
“that’s great, now I don’t have to worry about my weird roommate being all alone by himself at this hunted and frozen dorm room while I’m unpacking my Christmas present in my comfy clothes with a table full of Christmas cookies knowing you will starve to death cause of your lazy ass” jaehyun teased.
“you know that one tom and jerry episode were tom kicked jerry out of the house in a winter night and he felt so guilty after that he had a nightmare about it? Yeah, that’d be you and me” he added and they couldn’t stop laughing for the rest of the night.

.

  Jaehyun’s dorm life carried lots of memories with it, those years were so special to him that he could never forget about them. about all the good times he had, all the things he learned and all the emotions he got to experience. It was a long journey of him studying laws and some days breaking them, learning how to be a good intern, how to deal with different kinds of clients, how to be independent and enter the adulthood and somehow between all those, creating a friendship with his unusual roommate.

Even though it was years ago but he could still remember it all vividly. all the days they had fun together, all the days they were studying their asses off and all the days they were starving at midnights when they used to sneak out to get something to eat. all the movies they watched together and all the sleepless nights they've spent together. hell he could still remember the time jungwoo got a hair cut and hated it so much he cut his long tangled hair very short and the way he insisted that Bob hair is the most overrated hair style. Jungwoo always held a special place in his heart. he was one of the dearests to him and he loved him with his whole heart, but he wasn’t in love with him, they had something precious yet strange. They were nothing and everything for each other at the same time. as jungwoo said once, they didn't need a label. what they had was beyond words to describe. they were eachother' safe spaces or you could even call them eachother's black boxed, but jungwoo would probably disagree and add that its actually an orange box if he could somehow hear jaehyun's thoughts.

Jaehyun didn’t know if he missed those times that badly or he was just feeling nostalgic by seeing jungwoo’s favorite book at the bookstore. Yeah, the one that he was reading all the time
A voice pulled him back to the reality he had long forgotten for almost half an hour.
“what is taking you so long? We supposed to leave- wait… that’s Fraction of a whole by Steve Toltz in your hands”
Jaehyun smiled wide and turned to face his friend “remember the day you finished this book? You hold it for two hours and cried in silence like you just lost your loved ones”
Jungwoo let out a laugh “yeah, I was a little dramatic that day. You wanna read it?”
Jaehyun put the book back where he found it “no, I just had tons of flashbacks from our college years… let’s go back home now”

Yes, home!
Even after graduating they didn’t stop being roommates. Basically they decided to stay this way, so when jungwoo called jaehyun after a month of their graduation asking him if he would like to share this apartment with him, all jaehyun could do was accepting right away, so they could continue living like that cause together, they could mess around and they could have an unlabeled relationship without any of them questioning it. They could learn from each other, they could see things in different point of views, they could be weird and unusual and they could be completely themselves without having to be afraid of the other one judging them.

Jaehyun was so happy living this way. He had a good job, a house which was messy most of the times, a cat he adored which looked exactly like its grandmother ginger and an unusual roommate who he loved so much but not in the lover’s way.
Jaehyun was so happy and that was all that mattered.