Chapter Text
Lee Hyunjae is 20 when he had gotten a hanahaki disease. One sided love hurts so much but he won't ever let it go. It's a pain he'd go through.
He remembers the first time he falls in love with the other. The man has always been nothing but kind and caring, and Hyunjae accidentally fall for him when Juyeon had helped him out the other day.
Hyunjae was preparing dinner for his members, with the help of Chanhee, Kevin and Juyeon. When he was cutting the carrot, he had accidentally slipped and cut his fingers.
"Ah-!" He hissed in pain as one of his fingers had just been cut by the sharp knife. Thankfully it wasn't bad as Hyunjae has good reflex.
"Are you okay?" Juyeon who was next to him dropped the spoon and immediately hovered next to Hyunjae and took his injured fingers. It bled a little and before Hyunjae knew it, Juyeon was sucking on his fingers. Well, it is commonly known that when you bleed a little, you'd suck to heal it.
"Uh.. Sorry.. Habbit." Juyeon said, feeling awkward while Hyunjae stood there frozen in place. "I'll get the bandaid for you."
Although Juyeon is caring, it made Hyunjae's heart move but he didn't think much about it as Juyeon would always be the first to do something like that to other member.
His heart skipped a beat again when Juyeon helped him when he had another accident. Well, he wouldn't mind if Juyeon is there to catch him when he fell, literally.
He was walking through the hallway, rushing to get to the studio when he tripped on a cable that was on the ground, but Juyeon catches him quickly, and some k-drama moment happened as one of Juyeon's hand was on Hyunjae's back, supporting him while the other is on Juyeon's arm. They made eye contact before Juyeon pulled Hyunjae back up. "Are you alright?"
"Y- yeah.. Thanks." He hides his embarrassment with a tiny laugh.
"Be careful next time yeah? We don't want our hyung to get hurt."
Hyunjae had wished that he would rather say, my hyung. Cringy, but it's his fantasy. But in his dreams, probably.
"Oh- will do- ah I'll be late! Thanks Ju!" He suddenly remembered he needed to be at the studio asap. "I owe you!" He yelled through the hallway while running. Juyeon only waved while chuckling, thinking that he really should be more careful.
It warms Hyunjae's heart but a part of him feels terrible that he wishes Juyeon would only be there for him. Jealously would always arise in him whenever other member, like the other day, Haknyeon came home in a wasted(tired from his schedule) state and Juyeon helped clean him up. But another part of him felt so touched because of how kind his crush is. Juyeon never complains nor talk bad about any of his members, not even for jokes.
It was when Hyunjae were practicing in the practice room all by himself for a choreography, when he suddenly felt a pang in his chest. He began coughing and coughing but after he took deep breaths, it went away.
Until one day, he coughed up a petal. His eyes was widen in shock, he immediately looked around and was reliefed that he is alone in the room.
Anytime when he's not alone, and he'd feel a cough is coming out, he'd chuck a glass of water. And when the coughs came, he'd try his best to not let the petals flew out, instead, he'd swallow it although it burns so much more than when he does pull ups 100 times. .
He can't imagine what the member's reactions going to be. One is that they'd be concerned, they'll start asking who it is, and lastly.. Hyunjae is afraid to tell them who it actually is. Especially when Hanahaki occurs, it's obvious that his crush doesn't love him back. And the members, Juyeon included would feel uncomfortable with that. He can't risk it.
During a dance practice weeks later with the dance team, plus Hyunjae himself, he began to feel suffocated. He was breathing unevenly and sweating so much more than usual that he dropped on his knees, trying to catch his breath. Everyone else is, but not as bad as Hyunjae
"Hyunjae, are you okay?" The members starts to ask. But Hyunjae was not able to move let alone reply to them. He was too busy trying to breathe. "Jaehyun ya" The members kept calling. "Ya give him some space." Said the member.
Younghoon kneeled down next to Hyunjae, trying to figure out what's going on. "Jaehyun, try to calm yourself.. You pushed too hard there." But Hyunjae was still unable to focus. His eyes are blurry from the tears that are threatening to fall.
"Jae-ah.. Follow my breathing, alright?" Juyeon kneeled in front of him and placed a hand on one of Hyunjae's shoulder. He began to take deep breaths before letting it out. "I'll start counting, follow it. 1.... 2... 3.... 1... 2... 3..." He counts and every of that, Hyunjae follows. His breaths soon began to stabilize again although his chest still hurts. "You're okay hyung, it's okay.." He pats his back while Hyunjae rests his head- forehead touching Juyeon's shoulder, for support. But when Juyeon used the name hyung, Hyunjae felt the petals wanting to come out.
Immediately, he pushed Juyeon with force and he stumbled backwards, but he stood up and ran out of the practice room while covering his mouth with his hand.
They all looked puzzled and Younghoon asked for them all to stay put while he follow after Hyunjae.
"Jaehyun!" Younghoon called. He looked for each stall in the bathroom until he finds Hyunjae at the stall at the end.
He gasps and almost took a step back when he saw Hyunjae was coughing up blood. But not just that, flower petal too.
"Hyunjae.. It's alright. It's just me who is here. Let it all out okay?" He tries to give out soothe words to his donsaeng while also remembering to give him enough space.
He texted the group saying that they're okay and for them to not enter the bathroom and claimed that Hyunjae has a terrible stomachache and it's not pretty to see.
Half an hour later, the spitting ended. With Hyunjae weakly dropped on the floor but Younghoon grabbed him before he falls completely. "Are you okay? Can you stand up?"
"No hyung- i..." He breathes in and out. "I'm sorry..."
"Aish don't be, Jaehyun-ya. You need to rest now. I'll help you clean up and we'll head home yeah?" Hyunjae gave him a weak nod and Younghoon got up to wet a paper towel to wipe off the blood off Hyunjae's face. He then grabbed a water bottle to let Hyunjae drink. All those coughing must've been really painful.
Back at the dorm, Hyunjae was still tired, thus Younghoon helped him to bed. He had already texted the group to continue the practice without them. Hyunjae has taken a painkiller pill and wished to rest up for the day and they shouldn't worry.
When the members got home, they all asked Younghoon what happened and where Hyunjae is at.
.. After Hyunjae had woken up, he told Younghoon the truth. He doesn't want anyone to know, but one members is better than if he were to have another episode and all the members would see him.
"Hyunjae is resting-" he saw Juyeon heading to Hyunjae's room but he stopped him with his hand. "Please don't interrupt him and give him lots of time and space. That applies to everyone here. Since I'm the hyung in charge at the moment, I'll be taking care of him. He'll be in my room from now. Changmin will temporarily move to Juyeon's room instead." He had to block the other members so that no one, especially Juyeon would suspect a thing.
"Hyung! Why??" They all asked.
"Hyunjae wants some space. He- he felt really bad and doesn't want to give any of you any burden."
"Really, he said that?" Eric ask.
"Ah if he really wants to be alone then we should. Let's respect that and hope that he will feel better quickly." Kevin said.
"Take good care of him, Younghoon hyung."
---
Days passed since Younghoon found out about Hyunjae's secret. He'd been trying to convince Hyunjae to take the surgery as he would slowly die if he does so.
However, it's not always easy trying to cover up for Hyunjae, Younghoon had made an excuse that the maknae had a terrible stomachache, but it has been days. And because of that, he had to make an excuse that Hyunjae are having a separate schedule from all of them, using his personal training as one of the reason why.
Neither of the member wanted to ask more questions because if it is for training, why would Younghoon be at Hyunjae's side almost 24/7? Younghoon isn't part of it.
"Hoon.. It hurts.." Hyunjae says, feeling a tug at his chest. Younghoon immediately went to his side.
"Why why? Is it coming up again?"
"No.. I don't think so.. But it just hurts.."
"Maybe you pushed too hard... I know you're trying hard to not think of him.. But, it's better if you do the surgery. It's just going to get worse. Hyunjae, you will die if you don't do it!" He said, panicking.
"What surgery? Who is him?" A person suddenly says, shocking both of them.
"Jacob.. When did you get back...?" Younghoon asks.
Jacob closed the door behind his back and walked towards the two who are sitting on the floor. "What's going on with Hyunjae, the both of you?" He kneeled down. Younghoon looks at Hyunjae worriedly but the younger nodded.
"It's fine.. Hyung... Just..." He began to cough but he tried to calm down.
"Hyunjae's gotten the Hanahaki disease."
"What? Are you serious-"
"Hyunjae's been coughing up blood and petals for these past few weeks. And it's getting worse."
"Jae, Hanahaki is serious matter."
"If I get the surgery- I'll forget about that person. Hyung, that is not what I want. It won't be good..." Hyunjae said.
"Screw that person. You'll slowly die. It's not worth to suffer like this."
"The thought of... Loosing memories about him.. But I'd still spend days with that person.. How would you feel? If it means you'll lose memories of Kevin? And how would he feel if you've gotten sick because of him?"
"Huh? Is it a member of ours?" Jacob asked.
"It's Juyeon.. He doesn't know exactly when but the next thing he knows, he's gotten the disease." Younghoon helped Hyunjae answer instead.
"But.. Hanahaki can be cured if Juyeon return back your feeling-"
"If he does, I wouldn't have gotten it."
"No I mean... Juyeon isn't aware of it right? Couldn't we.. Set you two up or something?" Jacob suggested.
"No." Was all Hyunjae said before continuing after a minute. "It's clear isn't it? He doesn't have any feelings for me."
"Hyunjae-ya, you're on the second stage now. It's better if you get the surgery."
"What? He's on the second stage? Full bloom?"
"Unfortunately."
"Hyunjae! You can't do this. If- if you leave then you'll be leaving all of us. We won't let that happen. Hyunjae, you, we, all made a promise. To not just be tbz with rings but a family with a special rope tied together."
"I know..." Hyunjae smiled. "Then... Before I go for surgery... Can you guys grant me a wish?"
----
Hyunjae's wish was to spend a day with Juyeon before third stage comes. They spent the day outside and indoors. It all went so great, despite a pang in Hyunjae's chest the whole time, he's glad he could at least feel this for one last time.
"Guys!!" Juyeon's shouts can be heard all across the house. With members rushing to get to where Juyeon was at.
"Why what's wrong why did you scream?" Sunwoo asked.
"Jae.... He was coughing so much and I tried to calm him down.. But then blood started to come out of his mouth." Juyeon explained. "He ran to the bathroom before I could do anything and locked it."
"Is it his stomach again?" Kevin asked.
"Move. Let me through." Younghoon said while getting himself infront of the bathroom door. "Jaehyun-ah it's me. Can I come in?" He asks. And after awhile, he heard a shuffling sound and the door was unlocked, he left out a sigh of relief to know the other is responding. "Jaehyun.." He went inside and closed the door.
"H-hyung... I'm sorry...." Hyunjae said weakly. On the floor, he saw a stalk of flower. He gasped and immediately went over to the younger.
"Hyunjae, no no no!" At this, Jacob opened the door. "This can't be- hold on alright? We'll get you to the hospital right away." He knows stage three is here. "Cobie, hurry. Call the ambulance."
.
---------
At the waiting room, they all waited patiently while still having a lot of questions.
"Hoonie-hyung, just what is going on? You've been keeping it a secret and now all we know is that Hyunjae is getting a surgery."
"I'm sorry guys.... I failed... At protecting our Hyunjae.. It was my fault it ended up like this. If only I had pushed him sooner to take the surgery." He cries.
"Don't blame yourself Hoon. We know you did your best. Whatever it is... Hyunjae will be fine." Haknyeon says.
"Why'd he get a surgery?"
"He got appendix." Jacob immediately says while pressing Younghoon's thigh lightly. "That's why he's been getting stomachache. He refused to get a surgery because it'll take time to recover. And his drama is happening. He didn't want to burden any of us." He thought it'll be better for that. This way, Juyeon wouldn't know why. Because when Hyunjae sees him, he wouldn't recognize who Juyeon is. And they don't want to make Juyeon feel guilty. If Hyunjae could remember his love for Juyeon, he wouldn't want for his crush to feel like that.
"Thank you, Cob.." Younghoon whispered.
"I know Jae feels the same too."
-------
After a day, Hyunjae woke up from his sleep as the surgery went well. They all had their time with Hyunjae one by one as to not overwhelm the maknae. The surgery must've been tiring for him.
"How's Hyunjae hyung doing?" A male walked up to them. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier. I catch the earliest train from busan since I heard the news."
"He just woke up. Juyeon is inside. You should go after he comes out. We don't want to overwhelm Hyunjae."
Just then, Juyeon came out of the room with tears running down his face.
"What happened, Juyeon?" Eric asked worriedly if something suddenly happened to Hyunjae. "He.... He doesn't know who I am." Juyeon said.
"What??"
Younghoon's head perked up, they'd be wanting to know the truth and wouldn't buy their excuse anymore. But thankfully, the doctor came and covered it up.
"It could be that Jaehyun-sii had amnesia. This is very rare, but it is possible."
"How is it just me? Other member seems fine-"
"It's random, we are still unsure as there are no completed research on that but the brain sometimes does that unconsciously. Please do not take it to heart."
"Is it possible to make him remember me??"
"Like I said, no research on that is completed. We do not know. I'd suggest you do not force him, it could cause him stress and hate towards you instead." The doctor said and left. Younghoon and Jacob nodded to the doctor without anyone else noticing.
Juyeon took a seat and runs his hands through his hair while taking a deep breath. "Why only me?"
The male didn't couldn't wait any longer so he walked into Hyunjae's room.
He was greeted by a warm smile from Hyunjae. "You came..!"
"Of course. You've always been my favorite hyung afterall. I'm sorry I came in late. Should've been there before your surgery."
"Hey, I'm glad to see you again, Hyunjun."
"What really happened, hyung? Is it really appendix?"
"It's Hanahaki.. Or at least that's what Younghoon said. I don't know who the person was though."
"You really.. Can't remember?"
"No. I don't. Hm, I guess I wasn't in love if I was willing to get a surgery rather than-"
"Hyung, don't say that, please! You- guys already lost me... You can't leave too..."
"You're always with us, Hyunjun. And you'll always be our maknae, and our little Hwall."
"Really sweet, Hyung. Will you be okay?"
"I mean.. I guess?"
"Why only me?"