Work Text:
Dean Winchester stomps down the hallway to the bunker kitchen, muttering to himself as he goes.
"Something better to do? What's better than a wake up blow job? I'll give him something better to do."
The kitchen is empty, so who the hell knows where Sam is. At least the coffee is on. Dean shoves the sleeves of his purple night shirt up to the elbow and takes his Scooby Doo mug from the drainer. Fills the mug with nectar of the Gods and takes a sip.
"Yeah, baby. That's what I'm talking about."
"You good there, Dean?" Sam enters the kitchen. He's dressed in shorts, a singlet, and running shoes; his long hair drips over his shoulders. Dean shudders and Sam continues. "Do you and your coffee need a minute?"
Dean ignores him. "What is it with you and the running? Who runs for no reason? Who runs before lunch? Hell, who chooses to run? I mean sure, if there's a monster after you or if you're tryin' to catch a vamp, sure. You have a reason to run. It makes sense. I get it."
"Shut up." Sam begins stretching. "Hey I need you to do something."
Dean grunts and makes a keep going gesture with his hand while he sips his coffee.
"I want to make a set of motivational memes for Jack so I thought we could all write one."
"A set of what now?"
"Motivational memes. You know - to keep his spirits up."
"Only spirits I know how to keep up, come out of a bottle."
"Dean, I'm being serious." From the counter Sam takes a sheet of paper and a marker. "Just write something motivational."
"What about 'you scratch Baby again and Divine Being or not, I'll kick your ass'? "
"Dean, I'm being serious."
"So am I." He shuts his eyes and takes another sip. All he wants is to drink his coffee in peace. Is that such a big ask? "Go annoy someone else with that crap. My morning's already gone down the toilet." He throws his hands in the air. "You'd think I'd asked Cas to do something absolutely unheard of in a couple, something he's never done before but I didn't. I asked for a simple blo-"
"Nope," Sam holds his hand up and shakes his head, "I don't want to know."
Dean snorts. "You know, you should patent that resting bitch face of yours. You could make some money." He scowls. "He said he had something important to do. Yeah he did. Me. I'm important and he shoulda been doing me."
Pinching the bridge of his nose, Sam shuts his eyes and counts to five. "Dean. Just write the thing and then I'll leave you alone."
"Believe that when I see it." He pulls the cap off the marker and begins writing. When he's finished he hands it to Sam with a cheesy grin.
"Fuck off. Then keep fucking off. Fuck off until you come up to a gate with a sign saying "You Can't Fuck Off Past Here." Climb over the gate, dream the impossible dream, then keep fucking off forever."
"Dean, what the hell man?"
"What? Not motivational enough for ya?" Dean refills his cup. As he turns to leave a flappping sound fills the room and Castiel appears. Dean glares at him. "Don't do that. I haven't had anywhere near enough coffee for that shit." He jerks his thumb over his shoulder. "Sam has something motivational for you to read."
He stomps out of the room.
"Sam?" Castiel cocks his head. Sam hands him the piece of paper. Castiel reads it and looks up. Confusion clouds his eyes. "I...don't understand. Is this because I refused to indulge his desire for oral gratification this morning?"
Sam groans and rubs his temple where a headache is beginning to thump. "You know what? I'm gonna go shower and then I'm gonna go see Eileen and I won't be back until later. Much later. Much, much later."
"Sam," concern has replaced confusion on Castiel's face, "is this because the thing Dean wrote, worked? Are you motivated now? Should I read it again?"