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Marie Lowell's heart was in pain. For the past couple of days in fact. The girl she liked was probably happily dating her crush by now. Marie hadn't check on Ismelda since Emily Tyler had read her dairy aloud. She tried to follow her after she had run off but Marie was stopped. As it turns out, punching the girl that exposed your crushes secrets got you two weeks of detention. She was on her way to report for her punishment for the fifth time this week by way of an empty hall.
Marie knew beforehand that Ismelda liked Barnaby. She might have been the only person that she had told. She was honored to be trusted with Ismelda's secret. It was the lowest she had allowed the protective wall around her heart to fall. At the same time... Marie was jealous.
She didn't hate Barnaby. She knew he was smarter than people thought, not in a conventional, academic way. He was kind. He was handsome. Every woman's dream man. It made sense Ismelda would like him. They would look cute together. Couples that were made of opposites were cute. He was the opposite of Marie.
Maybe she had been holding out hope. Her parents were both bright and shiny people, so similar people could have a happy relationship. But there was a major problem. Ismelda never mentioned being attracted to girls. Marie knew she was gay. She had known since she was twelve, publicly out since she was fifteen.
Marie was another stereotype. A lesbian that had developed a crush on her straight friend. What was wrong with friendship? Queer girls can have same sex friends, Marie had some. So why did she have to fall for a girl she knew was Interested in a boy? There were plenty of girls she could go out with that might like her back.
Marie was worried she might actually be a masochist. What other explanation could there be? Maybe something had messed with her brain years ago or perhaps she had been born like this.
Marie realized she had been scratching at her head, as if her thick hair wasn't messy enough on it's own. If only she had inherited her dad's straight hair. Maybe touching it was a sort of comfort to her from the time she didn't have any. Chemotherapy was never nice.
Marie almost jumped out of her skin when she heard an angry scream followed by a loud smash. She looked around for where the sounds could have come from. There was a door that was barely open. Another yell and a smashing sound. A little part of her brain told her the room was full of banshees that were waiting for her (and braking vases for some reason.)
Marie slowly opened the door. No banshees, but again, a scream and a vase smashing against a wall. In the abandoned classroom was a panting Ismelda. She hurriedly used repairo, let out a primal scream, and threw it again. Pieces of vase shot everywhere as she collapsed onto her the floor.
Marie was confused. What happened with Sabine's plan? Shouldn't she be in Barnaby's arms? Sabine knew Marie liked Ismelda, but her friends had all but forced her to try and get Barnaby and Ismelda together. She said she needed Marie's permission before trying out a plan they had come up with. Marie knew she could never make Ismelda happy the way she wanted. So she gave her blessing. A blessing that had felt like she had torn her own heart out. If she had remembered right, then today was the day the plan should have gone through. So what happened?
"Uh... Is?" Marie said. Ismelda whipped her head around. Her pale face was now red with eyeliner running down her cheeks. Marie closed the door and walked over to her. Her feelings didn't matter at the moment. Ismelda was in pain. She needed to help her. She kicked some of the debris away and sat next to her.
"What's wrong?" Marie asked. Ismelda cried harder as she tried to say something. Marie did her best to understand what she was saying but her audio processing disorder was making it more difficult than it should be. All she got was "I hate them" and "I want them dead."
Ismelda laid her forehead on Marie's shoulder. Marie didn't mind if Ismelda needed somewhere to cry. She was a bit glad Ismelda trusted her like this, but she felt guilty. This intimacy with her was something she craved but knew she shouldn't bask in. She was sick. How could she be thinking like this when her friend was bawling her eyes out? Marie needed to push her feelings down and let Ismelda cry it all out. That was when she made something out of Ismelda's sobbing.
"Why doesn't anyone love me?"
It felt as if Marie had been hit by a bludger. Of course people loved her. Ismelda's family might not care about her much but Marie knew people did. Last year when Ismelda had visited for the first time her parents all but adopted her. Sabine defended her when others made fun of her, almost acting like the (by a few months) big sister her own wasn't. Marie wished she was more like Sabine, the more confident and openly emotional of the two.
Marie couldn't even work up the courage to reassure her that she had people that cared about her... Or could she? She swallowed hard.
"Is?" Ismelda looked at her through her red, wet eyes. "People do love you. Sabine, my parents... me." Ismelda's face twisted in frustration. "I don't mean that kind of love. I mean the kind that makes it feel like you can see new, beautiful colors. Don't you understand? Barnaby was the only boy that has ever given a shit about me. Without him I'll die alone!"
Marie did understand. "You don't get it Marie! I'm a fucking freak!" Ismelda yelled before putting her face back onto Marie's shoulder. Was this really what Ismelda felt about herself? Marie felt nauseous. How could she? How does she not see how amazing she is? Hearing her friend talk like this was devastating.
"What are you talking about?" Marie asked before she could stop herself. Ismelda's crying softened. Marie was stunned by her own boldness. She was normally so passive. What was it about Ismelda that made her act like this? Maybe just being near her made Marie braver. If there was ever a time to tell her what she really thinks, well... she already put her foot in the door so...
"I don't think your a freak, I think your amazing. Nobody else even comes close to how unique you are. I can tell you about various ways decomposition takes place and you don't say I'm creeping you out. You even ask questions because your genuinely interested in what I have to say." Marie's face was radiating heat at this point.
"Your so much more than people give you credit for. You hexed that guy that was making fun of me. You put your scarf on me when I couldn't stop crying. You help me whenever I'm having trouble with my history homework. I just like being around you. I'm genuinely confused as to why nobody else can see how wonderful you are. Even if you are a freak, then I guess I like freaks."
Marie put her hand over her face. "A-and your so p-p-pretty." Was that going to far? Ismelda had stopped crying and took her head off Marie's shoulder. She had crossed the line. There's no way she didn't. She should leave. Marie had messed up their friendship.
"Your the one that's pretty."
Marie was frozen in place. What was she talking about? "Have you seen my face? My nose is all messed up. My jaw is too square. My cheekbones are too defined. My hair is too greasy. I'm too tall. I'm too skinny. I've got big feet and small boobs. My personality ain't much better either..." Ismelda said as she played with the hair that covered her face.
Marie felt an anger rising in her. She lowered her hand from her face. How dare Ismelda talk like that? Why? Why can't she see the beauty that is Ismelda? She wasn't beautiful like a gemstone or princess gown. She was beautiful like a masterfully made casket full of advanced spell and history books. A highly polished walnut casket with a green crushed velvet interior. The books only understandable by those that truly took pleasure in their studies. Morbid, but appreciated by those that can see the beauty in it. Marie was worried her decision to become a mortician warped her ability to think clearly sometimes, but that's how she truly felt.
"I don't care about that. You deserve love too. I promise you won't die alone. You'll find someone who can appreciate you the way you deserve. You might already know your future partner or you might not. The point is you can't lose hope. Even if Barnaby isn't the one there are plenty of people that will see how special you are and love you back. I want you to understand how great I think you are."
They both stared in front of them.
There was silence.
Marie shouldn't have said that. It was too much. Did Ismelda know about her crush on her? She ruined their friendship. That must be what happened. She wasn't saying anything because she was freaked out.
That was when Marie noticed Ismelda's hand was almost touching hers. Her hand hadn't been there before, had it? What was she doing? Did she put her hand there unconsciously? Did she want Marie to notice her? Did she want Marie to... hold her hand?
No... that couldn't be. Could it? Was she misreading the signals? She must be. It was ridiculous to think other wise.
That was when Marie felt something touch her little finger. She looked back down. Ismelda's hand was touching hers now. Part of her worried if Ismelda could hear how loud her heart was violently beating itself against her rib cage.
Would it be overstepping her boundaries if she took her hand? Would it be selfish to do such a thing? She felt like her next action would change her world forever.
Marie took Ismelda's hand into her own.
She had done it. She really did just ruin her friendship with Ismelda. She was going too far. She was going to say her sweaty hand was gross and how dare she try to take advantage of her in this emotional time.
But she didn't.
She actually squeezed her hand.
Marie squeezed back.
Marie had no idea how much time had passed. Minutes? Hours? Days? She looked at Ismelda who was looking back at her.
Was the room getting hotter? Was the rest of the world even there anymore? All she could think of right now was the intoxicating pine green of her eyes and the freckles that dotted her skin like stars.
Neither was sure who moved first but both girls closed their eyes and got closer. Their noses bumped into each other and made them open their eyes for a second before going back to what they were doing. It was their first kiss.
Marie was worried her bpm had gone over 150. Her stomach was full of pixies. She felt Ismelda's hand squeeze tighter on hers. She was glad they were already sitting on the floor, even without standing her knees felt weak. Marie was sure she would wake up any moment now. That was the only thing that made sense in this scenario. Their lips left each other and they opened their eyes. They rested their foreheads together.
"Is, I like you. I like you a lot." Marie said before anything else could get in the way of her feelings. They had just kissed. She couldn't hold it back anymore. "I'm sorry." Marie's eyes stung with small drops of tears. There was no way to go back now. If only she had been born a boy. She wanted to be with Ismelda. Nothing else mattered right now except for her.
"Marie... I..." Ismelda was trying to put her thoughts together. "I don't think I'm gay. But... I think I like you? I think I've liked you for awhile.. Not like Barnaby, but close? A little different? I don't know... I think I need some time to think." She said as she ran her thumbs over Marie's fingers.
Marie felt so weird. Ismelda liked her? She was so happy. Only two people existed in the world anymore and it was them. The closeness she craved was within her reach. Then Marie thought, what if she's just emotional from being rejected? She couldn't be with her if she didn't truly like her back the way Marie liked her. She was brought back down to Earth. Marie removed her head from Ismelda's and looked her in the eyes.
"I understand. You have to take as much time as you need. This isn't something we can't rush. If you decide this isn't for you that's fine. If you decide you want to try being with me than I'll be glad to accept. If you want to try being with a different girl or a guy that's alright too. But this can't be rushed. You really need to think if this is something you really want."
"Yeah. I've got you. Let just be friends until I get this sorted out." Ismelda said as she let go of Marie's hand. She quietly got up and walked to the door. She paused and turned back to look at Marie. Ismelda smiled a little. "I'll see you around. Don't tell anyone I was crying or I'll kill you." She said. Marie smiled back. "I know. I'll see you later." Ismelda left the room.
Marie sat in the silence.
She laid down on the stone floor.
That was when the weight of their talk hit her. She balled up the bottom of her sweater and screamed into it. She rolled back and forth. How could this really have happened? Was she high? Was she under an illusion?
Marie was panicking with anxiety. She was overwhelmed with joy. But most of all, she was definitely late in reporting to Mr. Filch.
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"Where have you been girl? Do you think these banisters polish themselves? No! They require hard work! Something you Lowells have never had to deal with." Filch said as he roughly handed Marie a can of polish and a rag. "And wipe that smile off your face before I hang you from your feet! You Lowells always think your better than everyone else... well I'll show you..." Filch muttered as he walked away to do other work.
Marie caught a glimpse of herself in a reflective suit of armor. Her face was bright red and her mouth in the shape of a weird, anxious smile. She tried her best to force her face back to normal, but then she remembered kissing Ismelda again. Her face went back to the unusual goofiness.
She took a deep breath and got to work on the stairs, with her big stupid smile and a bit of hope in her heart for when Ismelda made up her mind.
She was really glad she punch Emily Tyler.