Chapter Text
Well, this was awkward.
Gordon sat next to Tommy in the man’s car, silent save for the sound of cars passing by them on the I-25. After the birthday party, Coomer and Bubby dispersed to God-Knows-Where while Tommy and Gordon idled outside the empty Chuck-E-Cheese before Tommy asked if Gordon needed a ride home. He had gladly agreed, seeing as his crappy Camry was probably totaled during the Cascade alongside the rest of Black Mesa.
However, when Tommy pulled out his phone (which left Gordon wondering how it didn’t get destroyed, which the taller waved off) and asked him to put in his address, what Gordon was not expecting was for Tommy to say that he lived a floor above Gordon.
He cleared his throat, rubbing absentmindedly at his new prosthetic.
“Do you think people know what happened to Black Mesa or like… did your dad destroy people’s memories of it? Men in Black style, y’know?” Gordon wondered out loud, Tommy side-eyeing him from the driver’s seat.
“I don’t think he can do that?” Tommy replied before reaching to turn the radio to the local news station. It fizzled to life, grainy and broken but still decipherable.
Local police are currently investigating what appears to be a reactor failure at a government facility about an hour outside of Santa Fe. Currently, there are massive amounts of casualties and nobody kno-
Tommy flicks the radio off before staring back at the road, deadpan. Gordon starts to scratch at where his metal hand connects to his arm.
“Dad’s on cleanup duty, I suppose. They’re not gonna find any aliens when they search the place.” Tommy doesn’t meet Gordon’s eyes, hands clenching the wheel tighter. “They’re going to pass it off as a company failure, and then there will be mourning for those who died.”
He’s eerily calm while saying this, and Gordon turns his head to look at Tommy. The man has dark circles underneath his eyes and a thousand-yard stare that wasn’t there during Black Mesa, still covered in alien guts and whatever else they trekked through. Gordon frowns and turns away, he knew that he looked equally terrible.
The rest of the car ride was in silence.
---
Tommy knew he was getting looks, slowly walking up the stairs, head still foggy from the previous few days' events. His hand was shaking ever so slightly as he unlocked the door to his apartment and turned on the lights, Sunkist jumping off of her spot on the couch and padding over, sticking her wet nose against his hand.
All at once, the adrenaline and thrill left Tommy, and he fell to his knees, reaching to bring Sunkist in for a hug, burying his face in her fur as she gently put her head on his shoulder. He let it happen for a few moments before pulling away, ruffling the fur on her head.
“I’ll take you on a walk after I shower, okay?” Sunkist wagged her tail, slow and happy as she turned to go find a bone to chew on while Tommy stumbled down the hallway to the bathroom.
He threw his clothes onto a pile on the ground, the water of his shower searingly hot on his skin but possibly the best feeling he’d had in his life.
Scrubbing away the alien innards from underneath his fingernails, Tommy didn’t bother fighting back the realization that came over him.
Benrey. Dead, perhaps. Tommy wasn’t sure if he could die, in all honesty. He was… Tommy had considered him a friend, pre-Resonance. He was unsure if it was all a farce, a carefully put up scheme, and that the Benrey that threatened humanity and life, the Benrey who tried to kill him and Gordon and gleefully took pride in hurting someone was the true self, or if the energy that the Cascade left in Black Mesa took the little bit of him that wasn’t human and expanded it to its full power.
Benrey, who Tommy would invite over for crappy takeout food and even crappier movies that Benrey always loved.
Benrey, who would sneak off during work to go bug Tommy, bringing along a tirade of jokes that, while being definitively terrible, never failed to make him laugh.
Benrey, who looked at him and the rest of the Science Team with little to no regard for their life on Xen as he tried to kill them.
Tommy’s gaze was fixed on the rushing water into the drain, a muddy brown as all the grime from the previous few days washed off, leaving his skin pink from the temperature.
It was another few minutes before he exited, head still foggy as he mindlessly got new clothes on, wandering back into the living room to walk Sunkist.
The city was seemingly endless, a maze of lights and buildings as Tommy walked, no particular end in sight. He wasn’t sure if it was to escape the way his apartment felt suffocating or if it was to just be able to think without the fear of interruption. Sunkist was as dutiful as ever, continuing her walk at Tommy’s pace, head high in the air.
Tommy wanted the night sky above him to be relieving, to make him finally feel at ease. He wanted the city lights to feel different, feel like a respite from the harsh industrial lighting he escaped. Wanted the buildings to feel inviting, the slight summer breeze to be freeing.
The sidewalk that he was now sitting on (when did he sit down? Why was he sitting down?) was rough, too much, and too little for his frazzled senses to comprehend. Tears were sliding down his face, unsure if it was from the loss of adrenaline or the loss of his friend or from the overwhelming knowledge of everything that had happened, the knowledge that people died that he couldn’t save.
Sunkist was pressed against his side as Tommy cried, alone on the street as he mourned all that was.
---
The air in Gordon’s apartment was dusty, stale as the door opened. It was dark, quiet as Gordon stumbled in, exhausted. He absentmindedly thought about Joshua, glad he decided to leave his phone at home.
A laundry list of missed calls and texts, from his parents and Tessa and his sister. He sighed, shakily running a hand through his hair as he clicked on Tessa’s contact.
The phone rang only once before she picked up, Gordon cringing as he prepared himself for her shouting.
“Oh my god, you’re alive.” Tessa’s voice sounded strained. “When we heard about Black Mesa and you going missing we thought you were still in there, holy shit Gordon. We thought you died.”
“I’m okay,” Gordon replied, and he wasn’t sure if he was saying it more to himself or her. “How’s Josh?”
“He’s been a wreck all week since I picked him up from school. Jesus Christ, let me go wake him up.” There’s a scuffle over the phone. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need me to come over there? Did you get hurt at all? Did you call Jessica?”
“No, I’m okay. I’m sorry I didn’t call earlier. I… it’s been a pretty stressful few hours if I’m being honest.” Half a lie, he didn’t want to explain what happened in there. The noises got louder, and he heard Tess talking to Joshua, presumably with her hand over the phone so he couldn’t hear.
“Dad?” Joshua, sounding like he just woke up.
“Hey, kiddo.” Gordon could feel his chest tightening. “I’m sorry I worried you.”
“You worried everyone. I’m glad you’re okay, though.”
“I’m sorry, Josh.” His voice was thick, holding back tears. “I really am sorry.”
Joshua was silent for a moment, stretched into eternity.
“It’s okay dad. We’re just glad that you’re okay.” He hands the phone back to Tessa, and her voice picks back up.
“He’s going back to sleep, but he seems a lot happier.” Gordon sinks into one of his kitchen chairs, needing the grounding feeling it gave. “What happened in there? How did you get out?”
“It’s… complicated. Gonna make me sound crazy if I talk about it, honestly.” He laughs, bitter and taut. “There were a few of us that made it out fairly okay.”
He can hear Tessa sigh over the phone.
“I’m not gonna push you on it now, but I would like to know. Are you able to take Joshua anytime soon? I’m sure he wants to see you.”
“Just… give me a bit. I promise I want to see him, but I just need some time to recover, okay? I’m sorry again.” Gordon wanted nothing but to say that he wants to see Joshua again, to hug his son and let everything go back to normalcy. “I really am.”
“Don’t apologize for things you can’t control. Just don’t be afraid to ask for help, okay? I’m always a phone call away. I have to go, okay?”
“Good night, Tess.”
“Good night, Gordon.”
The click of the phone brings Gordon back to his apartment, the tightened rope holding him together finally snapping as he lets the stress of everything roll out of him in the form of tears, one hand of flesh coming to cover his face as he cried. For himself, for Joshua, for everything.
It seemed like an eternity before he let himself get up and meander into his bedroom, collapsing onto his bed, still unmade from last week and covered in clean laundry he never got the chance to put away. He knew he was still gross, but at this point he was too tired to care.
Sleep couldn’t have come any easier.