Chapter Text
Audrey fforbes-Hamilton had thought endlessly about her engagement to Richard DeVere. Their relationship had not been easy, mostly due to her own preconceived ideas about marrying her distant cousin Marton fforbes-Hamilton to retain their family wealth and, in particular, so she could remain at Grantleigh Manor. She had never even considered falling in love with a man who was new money and an immigrant businessman. Although no one would ever guess he was not born an English gentleman, Audrey knew and still she loved Richard with every part of her. Their attraction to one another had been instant and the romance that followed had swept a normally level headed Audrey off her feet. Richard was not only handsome, charming and commanding he was sweet, generous and affectionate.
In the twelve months that they had been together their weekends were split between Grantleigh and London, where Uncle Greville provided the perfect alibi and facade of Audrey staying with him and being their chaperone when in reality Audrey was in Richard’s flat or on a weekend away, either in a hotel suite in London or a romantic destination he booked for them to escape his mother. Their relationship had progressed quickly with Audrey smitten by Richard. She tried to wait longer before giving into her need for him, afraid that he might not respect her or think that she was ‘easy’. It turned out that all it did was increase their love and adoration of each other to the point that Audrey couldn’t imagine life without him.
It was just that Audrey couldn't picture her life away from Grantleigh. For months she had felt torn by the impossible choice - Richard or Grantleigh. When she was with with him she couldn’t imagine life without him, but when she was at Grantleigh she knew she didn’t want to leave her life there. They were due to be married in six months when Audrey decided where her heart pulled her the most and she cried at the cost of this.
When Audrey had not come out of her room her mother, Eleanor, went to see if she was alright. It was not like Audrey to not be up and about, especially when Richard was due that weekend. When she saw Audrey lying in her bed sobbing, Eleanor rushed over. Audrey had never been one to cry - even when she hurt herself her stiff upper lip came into action and she pushed down any pain that she might otherwise have admitted to feeling. "Audrey darling, what is the matter?"
"I can't marry Richard." Audrey looked up at her mother, her tears still falling over deep blue eyes, as she choked out the words.
"Why not?" Eleanor asked, truly puzzled. She had never seen Audrey so happy as she was with Richard. It was true that Eleanor and George had at first not seen Richard as an ideal suitor for Audrey. However, as they had come to know him and seen his and Audrey’s deep love and adoration for each other, they had changed their mind and accepted him. In fact, they had had converations about their surprise at Audrey's happiness and what a perfect match Richard was for her, far better than Marton.
"I can't leave Grantleigh." Audrey continued to sob. "I will need to marry Marton."
Eleanor felt sick, "Audrey, are you sure?" She knew how headstrong her daughter was and that telling Audrey what to do was never a good idea - Audrey had to get there on her own. She had seen Audrey's conflicting emotions in the past weeks and now it all made sense. Audrey was struggling to see her identity outside of Grantleigh - where she was someone. Audrey nodded.
"What about Richard?" Eleanor was his biggest advocate, having been an outside herself once.
"I will tell him this weekend."
"Oh darling, are you sure? You are so happy with him." Eleanor cradled Audrey's head into her lap.
Audrey nodded again but was crying too hard to speak.
"Do you think this is the right decision darling?" Eleanor asked her, hoping that her question might have Audrey reconsider her choice.
Now Audrey shook her head, "But I can't live without Grantleigh and I can’t have them both."
"Yes, you can! Audrey, this is just a place. What will you regret more Audrey - not being with Richard, or not being here?"
"That's what I have been thinking about non stop. Mummy, Grantleigh is part of me, I have a place here. I don't have a place in London, I don't know what I would even do!"
Eleanor stroked Audrey's hair. Finally, Audrey settled down and decided to take a bath.
When Richard arrived at Grantleigh that night, he could see something was different with Audrey. Her eyes were all puffy and she was not as affectionate as normal. Even Eleanor was unusually quiet. After they finished dinner with her family, he asked her to walk with him. Richard put his arm around Audrey, "I've missed you terribly." he murmured in her ear, as he kissed down her neck.
He adored Audrey and had never imagined he could love someone as much as he loved her. When they were together he felt complete and when they were apart he couldn’t wait to see her. When she agreed to marry him he decided he must be the happiest man in the world. Audrey was something special - she was confident, passionate, charming, quick witted and very protective of him. He could get lost in her deep blue eyes. She loved him in a way that he had never been loved before and he couldn’t wait until they were married. He wasn’t sure what was worrying her but he wanted to get to the bottom of it quickly so that he could fix it.
Audrey felt her body respond to his kisses but her mind wouldn’t allow her to lead Richard on. “Please Richard stop.” Audrey told him, pushing him away.
“Darling, what’s wrong?” he asked with concern, his heart pounded, she just was not herself. When Audrey was unhappy or had something on her mind she was never backward in coming forward. She had no fear in telling anyone what was on her mind.
“Richard I can’t marry you.” Audrey told him. She was able to hold back her sobs but not the tears in her eyes. His heart stopped as did his feet. He put his hands on Audrey’s arms and with shock on his face and in his voice, thinking he could not possibly have heard her correctly, he asked, “What? Why not?”
“I love you Richard, more than anyone, but I need to be here at Grantleigh.” Even as Audrey said the words they sounded selfish to her own ears and hardly a reason to break an engagement. She saw his face, hurt and confused, his head was shaking as if he couldn’t believe the words he was hearing.
Richard felt like a bomb had detonated in his body. It was the last thing he had expected to hear and the only words he could get out were, “Audrey no!”
“Richard, I’m so sorry.” Audrey was crying now and he had tears streaming down his face too. He pulled Audrey into his arms. He hoped that feeling them together would reassure Audrey that they only needed each other.
“Please darling, please don’t do this. I need you Audrey. I will buy you any estate I can, just, please don’t do this.” His voice cracked with desperation. He hadn’t seen this coming and his mind was racing. He couldn’t think about a life without her.
Audrey melted into the safe haven of his arms and strong chest. She could hear his heartbeat against her ear. Richard held her tight, he didn’t want to let go of her now or ever. He could feel her body sobbing against him. They stood this way for a long time. Audrey wanted to stay in the safety of his arms forever. She knew though that this wasn’t possible and she pulled away from him.
“I’m sorry.” Audrey said again, she took off her ring, “Here is your ring.”
Richard couldn’t believe this was happening. He didn’t know how he could still be standing upright. He heard the strength in his voice, the exact opposite of how he was feeling which was broken and torn. “No, it’s your ring Audrey. It will always be your ring. It will always represent a commitment that I have to you. I couldn’t imagine ever loving someone the way I love you. If I can’t have you Audrey, I don’t want anyone else.”
Richard refused to take the ring. Instead he put it in her coat pocket. He had known that asking Audrey to leave Grantleigh for him was a big ask, he had been nervous if his love would be enough to cover what she would be giving up. When Audrey said yes to his proposal he thought that his love and the lifestyle he could provide would make up for not being in the manor. He pulled her into his arms again as tears continued to stream down his face. "I'm sorry darling. I'm sorry I can't give you what you really want." he said as he kissed her head.
"Richard, I need you to know that I will never love another man the way I love you." Audrey told him through her tears and she leaned in to kiss him one last time. It was a soft, teary kiss. She stood back from him, "I'm going inside now Richard. You should stay tonight, I don't want you driving back."
Richard nodded, he knew he had to accept defeat, but he just had to ask, "Audrey - you will marry Marton then?"
"Yes." she whispered.
"And Marjory?" Marjory, Audrey's childhood bestfriend had recently become engaged to Marton. Audrey knew it was a ploy from Marton to make Audrey jealous, but she wasn't jealous, she just realised that her opportunity to be the lady of the manor, as it were, was slipping away and she needed to act quickly to change that.
"She will probably hate me, like you." Audrey had thought about that. She didn't want to hurt Marjory, her childhood best friend. Although she knew that Marton surely would at some stage, he just wasn't the sort of man a woman should become emotionally invested in, not like Richard.
"I could never hate you Audrey." Richard told her, and somehow this made it harder. If Richard made a big scene, she could yell back and then console herself that it was the right decision.
"Why not? I hate myself right now." She turned and ran away from him going straight to her room where she lay on her bed and continued crying.
Richard continued to walk around the estate. He understood why Audrey loved it, he only wished he could give it to her. He decided to leave that night, he didn't want to see her in the morning, it was too hard on both of them. When Audrey’s mind was made up it was useless trying to get her to change it and although he wanted to beg her to change her mind he knew it would be impossible. He went and retrieved his things and as he was walking out Eleanor called his name. He stopped and she came to him. She was tall and elegant like Audrey and had the same blue eyes. He saw her concern in them.
"I'm sorry Richard." And her tone was genuine. She had been his advocate to Audrey and they had always got along well.
"So am I. I thought I was enough." He admitted, it was hard keeping himself together, but he managed. Eleanor could see the impact though, he was a broken man, and she inwardly cursed Audrey for her decision.
"Yes, I did too. I know she loves you Richard. It's just that she knows her place here, and she doesn't know her place in London." Richard nodded, he had no words. "You're a good man Richard, I would have been very happy for Audrey to marry you. I think you bring out the best in her."
"Thank you Eleanor."
He kissed Eleanor on the cheek and turned to walk away, he paused and turned back to her and said, "Will you tell Audrey that I will always love her, that she can change her mind?"
Eleanor nodded and watched him walk away - this rich and successful business man, now looking torn and broken.
Audrey and Marton's wedding plans were in full swing. Marjory had been devastated to have her engagement with Marton broken in favour of Audrey. Audrey was correct in her prediction of Marjory's feelings towards her. So now Audrey had lost both the love of her life and her best friend. The morning after she broke her engagement to Richard, Audrey made a commitment to herself that she had made her bed and would lie in it, she would not feel sorry for herself.
She had not heard from Richard and this was both a relief and sadness. How she longed for one last kiss, one last hug, one last time to make love. She missed him, in fact she ached for him and she had taken to reading the Financial Times everyday, just to look for his name. She found Marton even more insufferable than before. He had been pestering Audrey to sleep with him and she had put him off until their wedding.
Uncle Greville had called her and asked her to have dinner with him and stay the night in the week before the wedding, "Get yourself away for a night, Audrey, my dear. You will be there the rest of your life. Come and have dinner with your old Uncle."
"Alright Uncle Greville, but no talking about Richard or Marton. Do we have a deal?"
"Deal." he laughed.
On the Wednesday before the wedding Audrey took the train to London. Uncle Greville met her and took her to the Ritz. As they walked into the lobby bar, Audrey saw a familiar figure. She knew the man who was sitting with his back to them was Richard.
"Uncle Greville - you have deceived me." Audrey said to him, and though her tone was serious he could tell she wasn't angry.
"I'm sorry Audrey, but I think you need to talk to him. Just to make sure that you're making the right decision." he turned and called, "Richard!"
Richard looked around and their eyes connected. Audrey felt her tears as she saw him, not sure if she was ready, although she didn't know if she would ever be. Richard noticed her apprehension and wondered if it had been a good idea to ask Greville to arrange it. He felt that Audrey's eyes had lost their sparkle, but the little crinkle in her nose when she smiled at him was still there and put him somewhat at ease that seeing each other would not be a total disaster. Richard stood up and leaned in to kiss Audrey on her cheek. "I'm sorry, I just had to see you one more time."
Greville had disappeared and Audrey was, for the first time, lost for words. She sat across from Richard and smiled sadly, "Hi Richard." was all she could manage, she had blinked back her tears and could see Richard clearly now. Those warm, dark eyes that she loved so much, she felt them searching her face for any signal she might be sending him.
Richard reached his hand across to place on hers. "I miss you." He wondered if she would pull her hand back, but she left it enjoying the contact with him. What was once so normal now sent a buzz through her body as the heat from his hand covered hers.
"I miss you too." she replied softly and she did. Being so close to him felt wonderfully familiar yet she was breathless. His eyes were taking in every part of her so intently she was reminded of the times they joined together as one, the look in his eyes, the waves of pleasure he created that washed over her. No wonder she physically ached for him, she thought.
"I have a room here tonight. I'm not assuming anything - it's just if you want to talk in private. I actually knew I would get emotional seeing you." he smiled nervously, ready for rejection. He wouldn’t dare to presume anything with Audrey, he just wanted to be with her.
"I understand. I think that's a good idea." Audrey agreed, she wasn't sure what else to say, feeling quite unprepared. Whilst she felt no loyalty to Marton she was worried how spending time with Richard would affect her. But the desire to be with him was too much and she knew she would not refuse spending time with him, no matter how dangerous.
As they walked to the lift, Richard instinctively put his arm around her and Audrey leaned in. He was strong and it was so comfortable. Richard kissed the top of her head. He could smell her, it was the mix of her shampoo, her soap and perfume. The room was actually a suite, and Audrey put her overnight case in the bedroom and they met in the lounge area, where Audrey sat on the lounge. Both had removed their coats and Audrey had also removed her shoes while Richard made them a drink.
"There's so much I want to tell you but now that we are here together, I don't know what to say." Richard started. "I guess, I just wish that we had more time together."
He walked over to the lounge, passing Audrey her drink and sitting down near her. He had planned everything he wanted to say but his mind went blank, all he could think about was how beautiful Audrey looked and how much he missed her.
"Richard, letting you go and try to get over you is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, I'm still not there. But I owe you an explanation." Audrey told him. She took a deep breath as she looked into eyes, "I love you and I thought that was enough, but I realised that Grantleigh isn't just my home - it's my life. I have a role there and a purpose. I know you think I just want the manor, but it's more than that - it's running the farm and the role in the community. I just can't see that I can be fulfilled in London, waiting for you to come home from work. I think I would go quite mad and probably grow to resent you. I never want that to happen, that's what really made my decision, my fear of how it could end."
Richard nodded. He placed his hand on her leg. "I understand, I think." His touch created the same thrill in her it always has, it reinforced that she was still in love with him and probably always would be.
"I am sorry Richard, I hope that you know that I didn't want to hurt you. I hope you know that I will never love any man the way I love you." Audrey's eyes filled with tears. How could she apologise for hurting him, she knew she had hurt him badly.
"Come here." he murmured and he pulled her into him. He held her in his arms and they lay together, just enjoying the comfort of being in one another's arms. After they had been there for a long while, Audrey looked up to Richard and moved her lips to kiss his. She needed this closeness to him, "Will you make love to me Richard?" she whispered.
He kissed her deeply, as his hands moved gently over her body. She kissed down his neck, finding that spot where his skin was smooth and she heard his breath change as he enjoyed her affection. His touch was light but Audrey felt every titillating connection and her breath hitched with pleasure. Their need for each other was desperate and stronger than ever before and as they came together their relief was as great as their satisfaction. Richard pulled Audrey against him, while they caught their breaths.
"Can we have one more night?" Richard asked her desperately. She would soon be Mrs Marton fforbes-Hamilton a fact too nightmarish to consider.
"Yes." Audrey whispered. She felt crazy saying it, but she knew this was the last time she would have with Richard and she wanted every moment of it in his arms. She leaned in and kissed him, the familiarity of his lips and tongue, they still excited her. She ran her hands through and gripped his hair. No matter what happened in her life, Audrey knew she would never regret her time with Richard, even this night.
They moved into the bedroom, this time Richard wanted to slowly ravish Audrey. He wanted to kiss every part of her body, he wanted her to experience the most intense night of love she would ever have. Later, they lay entwined, their bodies glistening with a sheen of sweat. Richard’s fingers trailing gently along her back as Audrey lay in his arms her eyes closed. She wanted to remember the feeling of his chest hair against her cheek, his breath in her hair, his fingers on her skin, his smell, his taste, everything about him. Neither had the words that needed to be said. Although they weren't at peace with their relationship being over, they knew that words would not fix that. They knew they would never find this same love with anyone else.
"Have you slept with him yet?" Richard whispered.
Audrey knew she should be offended and tell him to mind his own business, but she couldn't. Richard was part of her, like she was part of him.
"No." she replied, "I've put him off until after the wedding."
And despite the circumstances, they both giggled at Marton's misfortune. The giggling continued and they could not stop, within minutes they were both laughing uncontrollably.
"Oh poor Marton." Richard said when they had calmed down.
"Poor Marton? Poor me!" Audrey said, "I couldn't imagine he could ever even come close to comparing to you darling."
"I don't know how I am going to live my life without you Audrey.” his eyes revealing his sincerity, “I have decided that I am just going to be a bachelor. For me, it's you or no one."
"Oh Richard, that's not being fair on yourself. You would be an amazing husband and father. Don't give up on that." Although Audrey selfishly felt satisfaction with that, she knew it wasn’t fair on him.
"Darling, I couldn't marry someone knowing the feelings I will always have for you. They will always be second best. At least I know that for you and Marton it's not love. Please, can we still see each other, even if it’s only once a month? I could survive on that I’m sure." he suggested to her.
"I don't know." Audrey desperately wanted to say yes, she knew Marton wouldn’t be faithful but woman were always held to a higher standard and Audrey desperately cared about her reputation. "I don't know if I can, and I hope that you find someone to love, you can't do that if you're still invested in me."
“Just think about it darling, even if it’s only a night every month that we could be together. That would be enough for me.” Richard had it planned, he could work relentlessly on his business knowing he would still have that one night to spend with his precious Audrey.
Audrey agreed to think about it, deciding to give him some hope over none might make their parting less traumatic. She had no intention of seeing him again, as much as she would want to, it was just too hard for her to return to normal life. For Audrey it had to be all or nothing and she knew that deep down it would be the same for him.
They fell asleep quickly with Audrey against Richard, his arms around her protectively. She woke first and turned so that she could look at his handsome sleeping face. Her finger trailed along his strong jaw. She moved it down over his chest and along his strong defined arm.
"Come here." he growled surprising her and she giggled. He covered her face and neck with playful kisses and then his hands slowly moved down over her smooth skin, stopping at her hips. He kissed her neck lightly and it tickled.
“Good morning.” Audrey giggled. He didn’t reply, instead his eyes twinkled as they looked over her, the sheet hardly providing a modest covering.
“The best start to the day I ever had for a while.” He replied as he pulled her in to hold closely. “Let’s run away together.” He whispered as he kissed the back of her neck.
“Let’s.” Audrey agreed and snuggled against him. The thought hung for a while.
“When’s your train?” Richard asked.
“Not until one.” Audrey replied, “Will you stay with me until then?”
“Definitely.”
“Can you forgive me Richard?” She asked him quietly, almost afraid of hearing his answer.
“Of course. I love you too much not too.”
“I love you too darling. More than I will ever love anyone.” Audrey turned in so that they could kiss. She stretched her body against him, enjoying the feeling of his chest hair against her smooth skin. He was stirring and their kiss deepened as their bodies moved to be together. They made love slowly, their mouths staying connected as Richard moved to deepen his presence in her. Audrey wrapped her long legs around his body. The intimacy they felt, being as close as they could be, was intensely satisfying. After they were fulfilled he moved his weight on to his elbows and kissed her lips before laying with his head on Audrey's chest. "I want to remember this moment forever." he told her.
"Me too." Audrey played with his hair, watching it fall between her fingers like sand on the beach.
"I want you to know that you can always change your mind, even after you marry him. Don't let pride stop you Audrey. It would kill me to know you wanted to leave him, but your pride kept you there."
Audrey nodded and smiled at him. She really didn't deserve a man as good as Richard. She was probably getting her just deserts with Marton.
The time passed too quickly that morning, even with Richard extending their room to a late checkout. The last hour was the worst, knowing that this was their last time together before Audrey married another man. Richard gave Audrey a pair of diamond earrings. On the white gold base of both he had an A and R intertwined engraved. "So you can always wear a part of me." he said as he gave them to her. She put them on and vowed to herself that she would never remove them. At the station they both had tears as they held on to one another, neither wanting to let go.
"I'll always be yours Richard." Audrey whispered to him before she kissed him for the last time and then turned and boarded the train. As the train pulled out, Richard waved sadly to her, feeling as if his heart had left on the train.
The wedding was, by Audrey's standards, a simple ceremony. She had deliberately tried to keep the guest list low, although there were still over 200 guests. Audrey wore a beautiful gown, with long lacy sleeves, a tight waist that dropped into a flowing skirt and looked stunning. Throughout the day she continued to remind herself that it was the lifestyle she wanted that she was marrying, not just the man. Greville made sure that we captured his niece for a dance, "So he couldn't convince you not to go ahead, eh?" he teased her.
"Oh Uncle Greville, not today!" she replied exasperated. He laughed.
"You will always be my favourite niece, let me know if you ever need my help."
"I will."
In anticipation for her first night with Marton, Audrey made sure that she had quite a few champagnes. As she danced with Marton, he whispered in her ear, "I can't wait for tonight, my love. You will finally get that Czech man out of your mind."
Audrey's stomach flipped with queasiness, she couldn't imagine that Marton could ever be as good a lover as Richard. It turned out she was right. After they left the manor for their honeymoon in Greece, their first night was spent in London. After they had bathed and were in bed, Marton ran his hands over Audrey and she felt herself stiffen and he brought his lips to kiss hers. It was not long after this that the marriage was consummated and he rolled over and fell asleep quickly. Audrey found the whole experience unsatisfactory. She was grateful that she had her time with Richard to know how wonderful it could feel, if this was her only interlude she would never want it again. Audrey felt so disgusted by the experience she ran herself another bath, not wanting anything of Marton on her. In the bath tears fell down her face and she slid under the water to sob. She really wondered if being 'Mrs fforbes-Hamilton' was going to be worth it.
Audrey was relieved to be home from the honeymoon. After her first night with Marton, she avoided him like the plague and it mostly worked, especially after he found some local girls in Greece to share his affections with. With full vigor Audrey returned to her normal life of horse riding, charity work and doing most of the work running the farm. Marton returned to his normal life of self pleasure and excess. A couple of months after the honeymoon, Audrey had started to feel ill and she was very tired. Doctor Horton quickly confirmed that Audrey was pregnant.
Marton was very pleased with himself, telling everyone who would listen how viral he must be, creating a baby so quickly after their wedding. Audrey smiled along, and used her pregnancy as an excuse to stop relations with him altogether. Most nights she dreamt of Richard making love to her and she woke with the desire to be fulfilled by him, only to find Marton snoring next to her. In fact, she had told Marton he would need to move bedrooms due to her pregnancy, and she had little intention of letting him back in.
She continued to read the papers to keep up with Richard's affairs. He was often pictured in the social pages, sometimes with a date and other times alone. The same woman was never with him twice. One Sunday there was a feature on "England's Most Eligible Bachelors" and pictured there was Richard. He was wearing the scarf and tie she bought him and he was sitting on his latest model Porsche, parked in front of one of his supermarkets. Looking straight down the barrel of the camera he had a half smile and Audrey traced her fingers along his jaw in the picture. Some might say he looked arrogant but Audrey thought he looked handsome and very sexy, it was like he was looking straight at her. In the fine print it read, "Cavendish King. The king of Cavendish Foods, Richard DeVere, is a self made millionaire. He has built his food empire from scratch, starting as a barrow boy in the markets. After a broken engagement last year, DeVere has become one of the most eligible bachelors in the UK, although sources close to the business say that he is not looking for his queen and intends to remain a bachelor. His devilish good looks are attracting many ladies, none of whom DeVere is dating seriously." Dating seriously? What does that even mean? Audrey wondered.
Audrey's mind continued to calculate the days, wondering if it was possible that she was carrying Richard's child and not Marton's. Given the closeness of the dates, there was no way she could be sure. She debated calling and telling Richard about her pregnancy, but she knew that if he heard her voice, he would hear all of her doubts and desires and it was too dangerous to do this. Richard did find out though, he was a guest - along with Audrey and Marton - to Greville's third wedding. When Richard saw Audrey he nearly did a double take. She looked beautiful, but was obviously quite pregnant in her flowing maternity gown. Their eyes met from across the church and he raised his eyebrow at her questioningly, as he smiled. She returned his questioning look with one of her own and a smile.
At the reception, they stayed apart until Richard saw Marton off chasing after one of the young bridesmaids. He approached Audrey and asked her to dance. As they made their way to the dance floor, Audrey joked, "I'm not as easy to hold now." and Richard laughed.
"I will still be able to." There was no obstacle too great for him to put his arms around his darling Audrey, and although it was not as easy as holding her normally thin frame, his arms did reach around to hold her as closely as appropriately possible and on the dance floor, Audrey's bump pressed against Richard so he could not hold her to be cheek to cheek. He didn’t mind though, just being able to see her and touch her was enough. She looked incredible, pregnancy suited her and even though she was carrying Marton’s baby he still wanted her desperately. His eyes looked over her face and he told her, "You look beautiful darling. And I see you're wearing your earrings."
"I never take them off." she smiled. Breathing could be hard enough at the best of times being pregnant but being near Richard took her breath away. He was familiar, yet exciting and she yearned to be closer to him.
"How far along are you?"
"Nearly 6 months." Audrey said, hoping her eyes would not give away her paternity doubts.
"Marton must be quite proud?" Richard commented, not calculating the months to implicate himself. He was too busy with the pain of knowing that Marton had so quickly impregnanted Audrey, dashing any chance no matter how small, of her possibly leaving him.
"Yes." Audrey wanted to stop talking about the pregnancy, it was dangerous. Richard knew her too well, he could read her like a book, and she was afraid that her doubts about the baby would be surfaced.
"Do you miss me Audrey?" he whispered, he needed to know.
"Terribly." she replied with tears in her eyes.
"What was that?" Richard asked as he felt the sharp movement of Audrey's stomach. She laughed.
"It's just the baby. It's moving."
"Wow, that's incredible. I felt it, like it was kicking me!" Richard was amazed.
"Yes, it's very active tonight for some reason."
As they danced, Eleanor watched them. She really felt sad for Audrey, believing she had made the wrong choice. Just watching her face when she was with Richard was all Eleanor needed to see to know that he was who Audrey truly loved. Eleanor could see how Richard looked at Audrey, how he adored her. The chemistry still between them was obvious. When the dance ended, Eleanor's eyes followed them as they went out on the terrace. Marton was, of course, oblivious to it all. He was such a cad, Eleanor had always known this, as did Audrey.
On the terrace, they sat down. Richard's arm instinctively went around the back of Audrey's chair, so that his hand touched her shoulder. "Can I feel it again?" he asked shyly.
"Of course." Audrey smiled, "You know, I don't let anyone touch my baby bump, except Mummy, but I will make an exception for you."
Richard timidly put his hand on top of her belly and could feel the movement underneath. Audrey moved his hand lower and pressed it more firmly against her skin. "It's okay, you're not hurting me or the baby." she said as she laughed at the expression on his face. Richard felt the baby moving again, strongly against his hand, he looked at Audrey with adoration, delight and wonder. "Wow. Audrey, I - I, I've never felt anything like this before."
Audrey smiled at him. "I wish it was my baby." he whispered.
"So do I." she agreed, feeling her tears well again, for it could be but she was not sure and didn’t know what to tell him. They heard the emcee announcing the next speeches and it broke their moment. They stood to return inside, "Can we have another dance later?" Richard asked her.
"Of course."
"Audrey?"
"Yes Richard?"
"It will never be too late, even with your child." he told her. Audrey nodded, although she knew she could never expect Richard to take on Marton's child. "I still love you darling."
"I love you too." she replied quickly and they moved apart to return to their tables.
Greville was going through the wedding photos with his new wife, when some pictures caught his eye. Their photographer had caught some special moments, which he obviously thought were between a husband and wife, but turned out to be Audrey and Richard on the terrace. Greville looked at the love on their faces as Richard had his hand on Audrey's belly, the way Audrey looked at him. Greville took the photos and made a mental note to ask for a copy of them.
Audrey's pregnancy dragged past her due date. She felt uncomfortable and impatient as she desperately awaited the signs that her labor was commencing. She was convinced now that it was Marton's baby, although had refused to agree on names until she saw the baby. When Audrey's water broke she was so excited to be meeting her baby soon. Doctor Horton was called as she was able to birth her baby in the same room that she had been born in, with her own mother by her side.
"Congratulations Mrs fforbes-Hamilton, you have a healthy baby boy!" the doctor announced as he brought the wrapped bundle to her.
"Oh my goodness!" Audrey cried as she say her baby boy for the first time. He had dark hair and a strong chin, Audrey knew he was Richard's son and her tears were of relief and joy to have this tie to him and despair that he couldn't know that he had a child. Audrey looked into her baby's eyes and promised she would be the best mother possible to her son and she wondered how long it would take for someone else to notice that he lacked fforbes-Hamilton genes.
Eleanor looked at her daughter and grandson with her own teary eyes. Audrey had never been maternal, but Eleanor could see the love and bond between Audrey and her baby.
"He's beautiful darling." Eleanor said.
"Thanks Mummy, he is, isn't he?" Audrey couldn't take her eyes off him. His curious face and big eyes studied her and she felt her heart melt.
"What do you think you will call him?" Eleanor asked.
"I think I will call him James, James Greville fforbes-Hamilton." Audrey replied. Richard had told her once that he wanted to call himself James when he changed his name (having loved the character James Bond), but felt Richard was closer to his birth name of Bedrich. Audrey wanted something of Richard to be in the babies name.
"I think Greville will be very proud." Eleanor said with a smile. She kissed her daughter's head as she held on to baby James' hand.
Marton was very proud of producing a son, telling everyone, "I've kept the fforbes-Hamilton bloodline strong."
This particularly annoyed George, who would mutter to Eleanor, "Audrey is stronger than that chinless wonder."
Richard had kept an eye out in the birth notices for news of the arrival. When he finally saw it, he had a feeling of relief, sadness and curiosity. He wondered why Audrey had chosen the name James, when he knew he had told her that it was the name he wanted to call himself. Richard wished that it was a birth notice for a child of his and Audrey’s, that she chose him and it was their family and he was with them right that moment. He sent a book and train set to James with a card, welcoming his arrival. Whilst his jealousy of what he couldn’t have ate at him, he still couldn’t consider anyone else for him, even if Audrey now had a son to Marton and seemed destined to never be his.
James was adored by the Grantleigh community, and no one seemed to notice his strong resemblance to Richard DeVere, despite Audrey seeing more of Richard in him everyday. Not only was James smart, he was a curious and adventurous toddler and Audrey loved walking him around the estate and teaching him how to ride horses. She tried not to think of Richard and what he was missing, how much he would hate her if he discovered she kept his son from him but the thoughts nagged at her because she knew what a wonderful father he would be. Even the book and train set he had generously sent were James’ favourites without any encouragement from Audrey. She wondered if it could be instinctive - Richard knowing what James would love most.
Much to Audrey's surprise, Marton doted on James. Although he was not hands-on, Marton did love taking James to the farm and spending time with him. Their marriage remained rocky as they had not returned to the same bedroom (and Audrey had no intention to) and hardly spoke unless it was about the farm or James. But they were committed to keeping the family tie strong and so both endured the marriage whilst keeping mostly seperate lives and it suited them both.
Richard continued to feature in the social pages, always with a different lady. Audrey wondered if he was sleeping with all, or any, of them. Especially as he had told her he was not like that. Every year, as his success grew, he was featured as one of the England's most eligible bachelors. It was always accompanied with a picture where he looked very handsome, and he always wore something that Audrey had given him. She wasn't sure if it was intentional or coincidence but time certainly had not lessened her love her him. She didn’t know if this was due to his being James’ father or if she would feel that way regardless but when she saw the pictures of him her heart would flutter and her body would ache for him.