Archive of Our Own ^beta

yoongi thinks it’s weird being in jeongguk’s world. everything about america is weird to him. the way they drive, the way they speak, their entire way of life makes his head spin. still, he stands nervously outside the arrival terminal at the airport, suitcase at his side and backpack over his shoulder. he takes out his phone and his fingers tremble when he texts jeongguk for the third time, looking up afterwards. annoyed and cold, he calls jeongguk, still looking around for him.

jeongguk answers almost immediately. “yoongi, where are you? i’m by door one right now.”

“i’m at door two,” he huffs out in reply, scrunching up his nose from the cold. “can you hurry? i think my entire body is going numb. my snow jacket is still in my suitcase.”

“i’m coming—oh, i think i see you. oh my god. oh my god, did you dye your hair blonde?” jeongguk asks and hangs up before yoongi answers. he stares down at his phone, eyebrows furrowed. 

not more than a minute later, he’s being crushed in a hug from jeongguk, the smell of his cologne completely enveloping him. “ow, jeongguk-ah,” he mumbles into jeongguk’s chest, wiggling his arms out to put them around jeongguk. “i’m freezing. let’s go.”

jeongguk nods and fixes his hat before picking up yoongi's suitcase, carrying it towards a car. there's a man sitting inside and jeongguk says something, the man says something back, laughs and points to the trunk of the car. jeongguk puts the suitcase in the back and yoongi dumps his backpack there too, getting into the backseat of the car. he peers at the driver, eyes narrowed. he looks vaguely familiar to yoongi. 

jeongguk sits in the passenger seat, turning to look at yoongi. his face is a little flushed from the cold, lips chapped and cracked, dark hair sticking out from his cute bucket hat. suddenly speaking in english, "yoongi, um—this is my friend, uh—"

the driver cuts him off and says something, which jeongguk laughs at and smacks his arm. confused and tired, yoongi doesn't bother asking about it. "sorry. this is one of my apartment mates and friends, cameron," jeongguk says in korean, relieving only an ounce of tension in his shoulders. 

yoongi nods and leans back against the seat, listening to the two converse in english. he can't keep track of how their speaking, what they're saying, and he wonders if that's how foreigners feel when he speaks in korean. he got a couple of strange stares when he called jeongguk on his layover. it felt weird—he doesn't like being judged like that. 

it takes a while for them to get to jeongguk's apartment, so yoongi ends up taking a nap. he's shaken awake by jeongguk, still not used to seeing his face so close. he grasps onto jeongguk's hand once he's out of the car and mumbles, "my bags?" sleepily. 

"we took them up already. i wanted to let you sleep," jeongguk replies and gestures inside the building, which yoongi steps into. they climb the stairs, jeongguk apologizing profusely for the broken elevator and the three large flights of stairs they have to climb. "by the way, my other roommates are visiting their families right now, so it'll be just be us and cameron."

"okay. tell me all this stuff when i'm not sleeping while standing," yoongi says and jeongguk nods, fingers tensing before he brings yoongi through the door and immediately down a hallway. 

it feels more real when yoongi enters jeongguk's bedroom. it's everything he's seen before—he only pays attention to the side of the room he recognizes, anyway. bed pushed to the corner, a tiny desk and an even tinier nightstand. there are pictures pinned everywhere and the one of them together from the summer, resting in a frame, doesn't go by unnoticed. yoongi kicks off his shoes and throws himself onto jeongguk's bed. "smells like you," he mumbles. 

"it is my bed." jeongguk laughs and sits at the edge of the bed, his fingers brushing through yoongi's hair. "sleep or food first?" he asks softly, rubbing yoongi’s cheek gently. 

"sleep."

yoongi burrows himself under the thick blankets, eyes closed and face pressed into the pillow. jeongguk's hand leaves his head and he feels a kiss on his cheek before jeongguk whispers, "sleep well," and he falls asleep easily, thanks to the smell of jeongguk all around him. 

it's almost midnight when yoongi wakes up. he groggily clambers out of bed and finds the keys to his luggage, rubbing his eyes as he takes out clean clothes. he puts on his slippers and walks out while carrying them, hearing quiet voices from the living room. he pokes his head around the corner to see jeongguk and cameron on the couch, drinking beer and talking in english.

jeongguk notices him before yoongi says anything. his eyes immediately light up. "yoongi, did you sleep okay?"

he nods and pushes his hair back before asking, "can i take a shower?"

"i mean, you can, unless you want to spend the rest—"

"brat. you know what i mean," yoongi says and rolls his eyes. he crosses his arms and yawns, rubbing his eyes again. "can you just show me how to use it? i want to get out of these airport clothes."

jeongguk nods and sets his bottle down, says something to his friend in english before leading yoongi down the hallway. "this is the bathroom," he says and opens a door, turning on the light. "the hot water takes a minute to work, but you just turn this on and flip the switch and the shower should turn on."

"okay," he says and puts his clothes over the rack. "a towel?"

"right, um—i'll get one for you," jeongguk replies and disappears for a minute, which yoongi uses to wash his face and take off his socks he forgot to remove. "here." jeongguk hands him a towel and smiles, nodding. "are you hungry?"

yoongi's stomach grumbles at the mention of food and he places his hand on top of it. "i guess so. do you have ramyeon? i'm too korean to go without it for this long," he says as he takes off his watch. 

"i'll see what i can find. worst thing that happens is we have to order and pick it up," jeongguk says and smiles a little before shutting the door. 

yoongi takes a moment in the mirror to sort himself out, to shake out all the nerves he's been piling into his body ever since he bought tickets for his trip. he takes his shower and spends it rubbing airport germs off of his skin, and wondering what he's going to do with jeongguk for the next month. 

he dries off and gets dressed, drying his hair with the blow dryer he finds under the sink. his nose fills with the smell of ramyeon as soon as he opens the door. "i'm so hungry," he mumbles as he walks to the kitchen and drops into a chair. 

"you're lucky i had a couple of bowls left from when i last saw my mom," jeongguk says with a laugh. 

"thank you," yoongi says when the bowl is placed in front of him, accepting the chopsticks he's handed. he eats quietly and tries to pace himself, but he's so hungry that it backfires and he stuffs his face until the bowl is empty. he leans back in the chair, wiping his lips with a napkin. "that was so good. thanks."

jeongguk only smiles and nods, yawning a little. "go sleep," yoongi tells him, shrugging. "you look tired. i'll even lie with you."

"okay," he whispers, sounding shy, and stands. he washes yoongi's bowl before going to the bathroom to wash up. 

yoongi returns to jeongguk's room and closes his suitcase, tucking it into the corner. he finally gets the chance to take out his phone, walking out of the room again. hesitantly, he taps cameron's shoulder and asks, "wi-fi?" as he holds out his phone. 

cameron takes it, but doesn't type anything. he asks something and yoongi is kind of taken aback, eyebrows furrowed. "sorry—i don't—know," he says in english, voice shaky and anxiety skyrocketing. he doesn't like this feeling. he doesn't like being clueless.

"oh," cameron says and makes a typing gesture into yoongi's phone. "english... type?"

yoongi drops his shoulders and nods, taking his phone again to add an english keyboard to his phone. he hands it back to cameron, watching him type in the password. he says thank you and shuffles back to jeongguk's room. he sits on the bed, watching jeongguk change into pajamas. "i think you have to teach me some english. i don't know how i'll get by otherwise," he says, texting his mom about landing safely. 

"sure but—" he stops as he pulls his shirt over his head, fixing the sleeves in the mirror behind the door. "but you really don't need it. we'll be together most of the time and i plan on taking you to koreatown so it's not entirely uncomfortable for you," jeongguk says and lies down, tugging on yoongi's arm. 

"i think knowing a little bit might help anyway," he replies and sets his phone down, standing from the bed. "i'm gonna go brush my teeth."

jeongguk nods, and looks at his phone while yoongi goes to brush his teeth and quickly do some skincare. he lies beside jeongguk when he comes back, trying to get comfortable with the two of them squished into the small bed. "if my back starts hurting then i'm moving to the couch," he says and puts one arm around jeongguk's stomach. 

"goodnight kiss?" yoongi rolls his eyes but indulges, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "no, a proper one," he whines, pouting.

"oh my god," yoongi mumbles back, tilting jeongguk's head to the side and kisses his mouth. he tastes faintly like alcohol and mint toothpaste. "happy?" he asks after pulling away. 

"yes," he says and puts his phone down, cuddling backwards into yoongi. 

yoongi doesn't realize how much he missed jeongguk until the other is already asleep. he watches his face, studying the crease between his eyebrows, the shape of his lips, the round of his nose. jeongguk stirs and buries his face into yoongi's neck. he curls his hand into the back of jeongguk's head, running his fingers through his hair gently. he runs one hand down his arm until he can lace their fingers together half-heartedly. 

"i missed you."

++

"yoongi, don't you want a hat or something?"

yoongi touches his hair and ears before shrugging. "i have a headband in my bag if i really need one," he says and wiggles his fingers into a pair of gloves. "fuck, why is it so cold here? it's even worse than korean winters."

"new york is just like that. i'll buy you coffee if you start walking," jeongguk replies and pulls yoongi down the sidewalk. giving in, yoongi takes a couple bigger steps so they're walking beside each other. he stifles a yawn. "how are you still tired?"

"it's like, three am for me!" yoongi scoffs and pushes jeongguk to the side to cross his arms. "i come all the way here and you've been nothing but a brat for the last two days."

jeongguk rolls his eyes and puts one arm around yoongi's shoulders, tugging him into his chest. yoongi moves one arm to jeongguk's waist, leaning into him. "where are we even going?" he asks when they stop at a crosswalk. 

"literally anywhere you want except for my apartment. you aren't here to spend a month in my bed," jeongguk says and yoongi attempts to pinch his side, but only gets his puffy jacket. "the only downside is having to take the subway everywhere since i don't have a car. oh, and my parents really want to meet you. not a downside, just in general. i think we’ll go on christmas.”

"i didn't bring clothes for that kind of thing."

"excuses. we're in new york city. you have the ability to buy anything you want. we can go shopping.”

yoongi doesn't respond, pulling away to follow jeongguk down the steps of the subway station. somehow colder than before, he pulls out his headband and slides it on, fixing his hair in the reflection of an advertisement window. he follows jeongguk through the crowd, gripping his hand in fear of losing where he is. 

they jump onto the train and the seats are mostly full, so yoongi wraps his arms around jeongguk, cheek against his shoulder. “there’s so many people,” he mumbles, shifting to the side when someone squeezes past them. “i hate it.”

jeongguk laughs, one hand gripping the pole they’re standing near, the other pressed to yoongi’s back. “yeah, it’s not fun. new york is really crowded, especially in this time of the year.” he lets go of yoongi for a moment to scratch the inside of his eye, glancing down at yoongi. “you want coffee now? you’re sort of falling asleep on me.”

“yes please,” yoongi replies. “need coffee. or any caffeine, really.”

“okay. i’ll take you to my favorite spot.”

they don’t talk much after that, just holding onto each other in the crowded subway car. jeongguk tugs them off a couple stops later and yoongi looks around curiously as he follows jeongguk down the street. they stop in the front of a coffee shop, and it’s so warm inside that yoongi takes off his winter jacket. he looks at the menu, rubbing his nose and nudges jeongguk with his elbow. “i can’t read it,” he says.

“that’s fine. i already know what you want,” jeongguk replies and steps forward in the line, reaching into his pocket to take out his wallet. 

“you know my coffee order?”

“you get the same thing every time.” jeongguk laughs softly and steps to the counter. yoongi listens as he orders for the two of them, watching him from the side. he laughs at something the cashier says and squeezes yoongi’s arm before finishing paying. 

when they walk away to a table, yoongi glances up at him and says, “so all of a sudden you don’t need hyung to pay?”

jeongguk shrugs and laughs, sitting across for yoongi. “you’re free to pay for anything the rest of the trip,” he replies and pulls off his hat, pulling his slightly overgrown hair into a low ponytail. 

“it’s so much longer now,” yoongi comments and puts his chin in his hand, watching jeongguk. “are you going to cut it?”

“probably not. maybe just a trim, but i like having it long,” he replies and puts his hat back, tugging wisps of hair out to frame his face. he gets up when someone calls his english name—yoongi tries not to cringe at it—and returns holding his drink and yoongi’s. “i think you’re crazy. who drinks something cold in cold weather?”

yoongi accepts his iced coffee and has a long sip, sighing exaggeratedly at the taste. “koreans do. we are nothing without iced americanos,” he says and leans forward on the table. jeongguk does the same, their faces close and cold noses rubbing against each other. “they even say it in the k-dramas.”

“since when do you watch k-dramas?” jeongguk asks, taking the lid off of his drink after leaning back against his seat again. “and what drama would say that?”

“i don’t know. they mentioned it in some drama taehyungie made me watch, but i was also grading papers so i don’t remember exactly what they said,” he says and takes another sip through his straw. he pulls his phone from his pocket, slipping off his glasses to rub his eyes for a moment, then opens the camera to take a few pictures of jeongguk. 

“what are you doing?” jeongguk asks as yoongi changes the angle of the phone, straw still in his mouth. 

yoongi doesn’t respond immediately, taking a few more pictures, then lowers his phone back to his face. “i’m expanding my library of jeon jeongguk pictures,” he mumbles and swipes through them before making his favorite picture his lock screen. he slides his phone into his pocket, taking a few longer sips of his coffee, feeling refreshed as the caffeine kicks into his system. “are we going to do something, or just sit here all day?”

jeongguk rolls his eyes and blows into his hot chocolate, before taking a sip and fixing the lid back on. he gestures yoongi to stand and he does, pulling his jacket back on and keeps his drink in one hand as he follows jeongguk out. they walk for a little bit, yoongi listening to jeongguk talk about school as he takes in the tall buildings surrounding them. as they walk, he gets colder and slowly shifts closer to jeongguk. he slows in front of a music shop, grabbing jeongguk’s sleeve to make him stop walking. 

“is it open?” yoongi asks, looking through the window, then pulling the door open. “i just want to look around, sorry.”

“your trip, yoongi. you can do whatever you want,” jeongguk replies and follows him inside.

yoongi looks around, his fingers brushing over the keyboards he sees. he stops and checks if it’s plugged in and on, then starts to play something he’s been working on recently. jeongguk stands behind him, chin resting on his shoulder. he drops his hands when he finishes, starting to walk away, but jeongguk pulls him back. “what?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

jeongguk puts his hands around yoongi’s cheeks and he goes to push him away, but jeongguk kisses him. surprised and kissing back, yoongi takes a steps back, but jeongguk steps with him. he pulls away, cheeks pink and mouth pulled into a big smile. “sorry,” he mumbles and his hands fall back to his sides. “listening to what you played made me want to do that.”

yoongi, flustered, just pushes on jeongguk’s shoulder and turns away to continue exploring the store. he stops a couple more times to fiddle with machines, but doesn’t end up buying anything after seeing the price tags. he doesn’t need to understand american currency to understand that it’s way too expensive for his lousy music teacher salary. they leave the store a few minutes later, yoongi feeling disappointed as they start to walk again. 

“i’m sorry you couldn’t get anything,” jeongguk says, and takes yoongi’s hand.

he shrugs in response. “it’s not your fault, so don’t apologize.”

“i still feel bad. you seemed really excited.”

yoongi just shrugs again and doesn’t say anything else, covering his mouth with his free hand when he yawns. he lets go of jeongguk’s hand and puts both hands in his jacket pockets, keeping his eyes on the ground. from his left, he hears jeongguk answer a phone call and sighs quietly, half expecting him to start speaking english. instead, he hears jeongguk start speaking in korean.

“hi mom… yeah, i’m with my—i’m busy, mom—“ he goes quiet and listens. yoongi looks up again to watch him. jeongguk has his eyebrows furrowed and he’s aggressively chewing at his bottom lip. in his other hand, he flicks his lighter nervously. yoongi tugs him to the side before they could both walk into to someone or something. 

“i’ll bring it in the evening then, but can’t you get hyung to—“ he stops again and lets out the loudest of sighs, rubbing his forehead. “okay, okay. i get it. i will bring everything by six.”

yoongi’s shoulders tense up and he raises his eyebrows at jeongguk when he finally hangs up. “what was that all about?” he asks.

jeongguk slips his phone into his pocket and pulls off his hat, taking out his hair tie. it’s a bit of a mess and he runs his fingers through it, flattening it before putting his hat back on. “my dad just hasn’t been feeling well and my mom doesn’t like leaving the house alone, so she wants me to pick up some stuff from the store for her to cook with. you don’t have to go with me.”

yoongi nods and pulls off his glasses, cleaning it with the fabric of his shirt sticking out under his jacket. he slides them back on and fixes his hair, pushing jeongguk back towards the sidewalk. “let’s go to the store, then. gives me something to do. by the looks of your barren fridge, you could use some food too. i’ll do some cooking.”

“you cook?” jeongguk asks as they walk to the nearest subway station.

yoongi grins a little. “there are still many things you don’t know about me, jeongguk-ah.”

++

yoongi stands outside jeongguk’s apartment complex, now with a runny nose. he only stepped out to get some fresh air since the windows in the apartment are jammed—and managed lock himself out. jeongguk is at work, and yoongi called a few times, only to get his voicemail. he texted too and it’s been a little over half an hour since he realized his mistake. he sneezes and rubs his nose, letting out a quiet groan at the pain in his chest. how is he so unlucky that jeongguk is working on christmas eve and that he’s now probably sick with a cold?

he blinks a little tiredly and slowly sits on the steps after brushing some snow away for a spot. in the distance, he can see jeongguk walking towards him, but he feels so tired, his eyes start to close. “oh my god—i didn’t think you were freezing,” jeongguk says, gloved hands suddenly all over yoongi’s face. “what the hell, yoongi-hyung? your text was so vague, i thought you’d have at least brought a jacket out. are you stupid? you could have gotten sick.”

yoongi sneezes again and grimaces at the feeling, looking up at jeongguk. “i think i already am,” he mumbles, trying to stand and grasps jeongguk’s sleeve tightly. “i’ll be fine. i just didn’t want to worry you.”

“i’m obviously going to worry if you’re standing outside my apartment and freezing your ass off,” jeongguk huffs and takes off his outer jacket to put over yoongi’s shoulders. 

he sighs and coughs a little, face turning numb when it’s hit with the heating in the building. he whines quietly and leans against jeongguk as they wait for the elevator. “my head hurts,” he says. “do you have medicine? i’m just going to take it and go to sleep.”

"yeah, you just lie down, okay? i'll try to make some soup or something and you can have medicine and rest. my mom will still probably make us come to my parent's house tomorrow, so i hope you feel better in the morning," jeongguk says and continues to hold yoongi upright in the elevator, pulling his gloves off with his teeth. he touches yoongi's face, rubbing his cheeks to heat them up. 

yoongi is too exhausted to care about being touched so much. he lets it happen, especially since it's jeongguk, and follows him down the hallway. he weakly finds his way to jeongguk's bedroom and shrugs off the jacket in exchange for one of jeongguk's hoodies. he crawls into the bed, shivering as he piles three blankets over his body. he takes off his glasses and rests them on the nightstand, trying to heat his body up. 

ten minutes later, jeongguk brings soup and cold medicine, gesturing yoongi to sit up. he shifts and presses his back against the headboard, coughing a little. he accepts the spoonful of soup, shutting his eyes as it warms the inside of his body too. "why the fuck do all the doors here auto-lock?" he asks, voice a little raspy now. 

"don't know. but regardless, why would you go outside without your jacket on?" another spoonful of soup meets yoongi's lips. 

"i was only planning on it being a couple of minutes. all the windows were frozen shut and i wanted some fresh air," yoongi mumbles and shifts to sit on his hands, allowing jeongguk to continue feeding him silently. 

when he finishes, he takes a few sips of water and downs the disgusting cold medicine, face scrunched in distaste. "i'll sleep on the couch tonight so you have room to properly rest. just, yell if you need anything, okay?"

yoongi only hums and gets comfortable again, letting jeongguk tucks the blankets around him. "jeongguk-ah," he calls quietly before he can leave. jeongguk sits on the bed again, one hand brushing yoongi's hair from his face. "sing for me."

"okay," he whispers and it takes a minute or so before he starts to sing. jeongguk's voice blankets yoongi's mind, showering him in comfort and warmth, exactly what he needs. it's been a while since he heard jeongguk sing, only catching bits when he's distracted on their video calls or in the clips he sometimes sends for yoongi to play around with. 

even though jeongguk is singing in english, yoongi knows just by the tone of his voice, that it's a love song. it makes something in his heart stir. slowly, his eyes droop shut and he falls asleep to the sound. 

yoongi wakes up with his body aching and drenched in sweat. it's early—too early. "jeongguk-ah," he says and his throat is achy, mouth dry. his head is a little clearer though and his nose isn't as runny. he rolls over and falls off the bed, groaning when he lands on his back. "jeongguk-ah!" he says a little louder, peeling the blankets off his body tiredly. 

sleepy jeongguk appears in the doorway and even while half-awake, he picks up yoongi and puts him back on the bed. he presses the back of his hand against yoongi's forehead, then wipes his hand on the blanket. "you probably ran a fever when you were sleeping," he says, voice just as groggy as he looks. "but i think it's gone now. you look a little better. i think the medicine and the soup i gave you helped."

"i want to shower, but i feel dizzy," yoongi mumbles. 

"you can just—"

"can you help me?" he asks quietly. he meets jeongguk's wide, wide eyes. yoongi sits up a little and rubs his eyes, managing to situate himself to sit beside jeongguk. "i feel really gross and sweaty, but i don't want to pass out from the steam."

"are you sure? i don't want to invade your privacy like that," jeongguk says wearily. his voice is getting closer to his normal level as he wakes up more. 

"it would be really helpful," yoongi says and shrugs, rubbing his eyes. "i don't mind, jeongguk-ah. i can try to do it myself if you're uncomfortable, but i'd rather have someone help me. i think it would be more embarrassing if i passed out.”

jeongguk shakes his head quickly. “no, it’s okay. i can do it."

yoongi stands and jeongguk grasps his waist, taking slow steps together to the bathroom. the first thing jeongguk does is turn on the shower and check the temperature, then he helps yoongi out of his clothes. and yoongi is way too out of it to really care about jeongguk seeing him like this, sitting under the water with his knees to his chest.

jeongguk washes his hair first, fingers gentle and massaging yoongi's scalp. he tilts yoongi's head back and the hot water washes the soap away. it feels nice, yoongi thinks, but doesn't know if it's the shower or jeongguk that he's thinking about. he goes through the process again with conditioner, slowly raking his fingers through yoongi’s hair. yoongi shuts his eyes. 

before they have to actually talk about it, yoongi unfurls his body and drops his arms over the side of the tub. the water pelts at his back and he keeps his eyes shut, sort of silently urging jeongguk into the next step. he feels trembling hands on his shoulders and something—soap, probably—running down his back. jeongguk’s hands aren’t too big, yoongi knows his own hands are bigger, but they feel that way as he rubs his back to spread the soap. 

yoongi hears the shower curtain being pulled back further and peeks his eyes open. jeongguk has a determined look on his face, eyebrows and nose scrunched as he scrubs yoongi’s legs with a loofah. he stops after doing yoongi’s chest too and his wide eyes drop between his legs, then back to yoongi’s face. “should i—um—“

“i’ll do it,” he laughs weakly and takes the loofah from jeongguk’s lingering hand. he tugs the curtain back to separate them and finishes scrubbing his body. yoongi wonders what the fuck he was thinking when he asked jeongguk to help him. as he stands up slowly, limbs aching, he remembers. he holds jeongguk’s arm through the curtain and rinses his body off, turning off the shower. shivering, he accepts the towel and dries himself off, tucking it around his hips after. 

“shit, shit, i’m gonna fall,” he curses, one leg out of the tub and black dots covering his vision.

“you’re not, i’ve got you,” jeongguk replies and grips yoongi’s forearms, pulling him all the way out of the bathtub. yoongi shakily makes his way back to jeongguk’s room and sits on his bed, heaving a sigh while jeongguk gets him clothes. “lift,” he mumbles and yoongi raises his arms, letting him slide a t-shirt over his head. he turns around, holding sweatpants and clean underwear behind his back.

yoongi lets a small smile tug at his mouth, then stands and takes off the towel before finishing getting dressed. he drops back onto the bed, saying, “i’m done.” he covers his mouth when a cough lodges into his throat, turning his face away from where jeongguk sits beside him.

“i’ll reheat some soup and you can take some more medicine, maybe rest for longer. there’s still a long while before we see my parents,” jeongguk says and squeezes yoongi’s thigh gently. he stands and leaves the room, his movement in the kitchen loud enough for yoongi to hear through the crack in the door.

yoongi finishes the glass of water on the nightstand and checks his phone, answering a few texts he got the night before. he rubs his eyes and stands, rummaging through his suitcase for something. tucked carefully between his clothes is a wrapped christmas gift for jeongguk and he makes sure it isn’t damaged before walking out to the kitchen. he stands with the gift behind his back, patiently waiting for jeongguk to notice him.

jeongguk looks up a couple minutes later, hair framing his face and he smiles, looking so, so soft. “um,” yoongi starts and clears his throat a little. “merry christmas.” he shoves the gift into jeongguk’s hands before crossing his arms and looking away.

“oh,” jeongguk says and holds the small box, touching the wrapping paper. he sets it on an empty spot on the counter, stirring inside the pot for a moment, then unwraps the gift. he opens the box and yoongi hears his breath hitch, looking back at yoongi with wide, teary eyes. “yoongi-hyung,” he whines, sniffling as he touches the chain inside.

“oh my god, don’t cry,” he says and steps closer to wipe his eyes. “you like it?”

“yeah. yeah, i do.”

“look,” he mumbles and takes the chain out, bringing it to eye level. it glints in the dim kitchen light, shiny and new. “it’s gold and silver intertwined. it’s supposed to symbolize us. cause—“ he pauses for a moment, feeling his cheeks turn red. “cause you’re like gold, to me.”

jeongguk scrunches up his nose when he laughs, wiping his cheeks. “that was so cheesy. i didn’t know you were so cheesy,” he says, wrapping his arms around yoongi. “thank you.”

yoongi nods and steps behind jeongguk, clipping it around his neck. he kisses his cheek and squeezes his hand before going to sit on the couch, wrapping himself in the blanket jeongguk was probably sleeping with. he waits there quietly, watching the snow fall through the window. he sits up when jeongguk brings over the soup, scooting so he can sit down too. “i have something else for you,” he says after his first sip. jeongguk raises his eyebrows. “i wrote you a song.”

“what?” jeongguk asks, and almost spills the bowl of soup. “really?”

yoongi nods and blushes as he looks away, rubbing behind his ear. "it's—yeah. i don't think it's finished, or if it'll ever be finished. but it's there if you want it. yeah. that's it."

"okay," he whispers and gives yoongi another spoon of soup. "i got you something too. it isn't nearly as nice as this chain, because i'm a next to broke college student, but i think you'll like it."

yoongi nods and takes the bowl when jeongguk hands it to him, curiously watching as he grabs something from between the wall and the couch. "i was paranoid you'd somehow find it in my room so i hid it," he explains sheepishly, setting a gift bag in yoongi's lap. 

"even if i did find a gift, i wouldn't go rummaging through it." he laughs and sets the bowl on the coffee table, removing the wrapping paper. he takes out a box of cologne and frowns a little, setting it aside. he takes out a notebook that resembles his lyric book, and a fancy, long box. he opens the box to see a pretty fountain pen. "woah," he mumbles as he takes it out. "i thought you said you were broke."

"i saved up for it," jeongguk says and grins proudly, then points to the cologne box. "that's the same one i use. you know, for when you leave again. you're constantly saying that i smell good and that's the only thing i wear."

yoongi glances at jeongguk, shutting the pen box. "that's weirdly romantic," he says. 

"can't i be romantic for my boyfriend?"

"boyfriend," yoongi echos, furrowing his eyebrows. he looks away, picking up the bowl of soup as a distraction. 

"is that—are we not boyfriends?" jeongguk asks hesitantly and there's so much panic in his voice. 

"no—i mean, we are. we're dating, but i guess we never explicitly confirmed it," he replies and brings the spoon to his lips, slurping the soup. "we didn't talk about it when you were in busan, and we didn't talk about it after you left either. we only talked about what we'd do to keep in touch properly, but not about labels."

jeongguk sighs, then reaches out, putting his hand on yoongi's thigh. "i'm sorry for that," he sounds a little more relaxed. yoongi look at his hand, then back into the bowl. "from today on, we're boyfriends. officially."

"okay," yoongi says and smiles a little. "i like that."

++

meeting jeongguk's family that evening goes well. it isn't awkward and it's nice to be around people who actually call jeongguk by his korean name and not justin. yoongi still refuses to use his english name, even when brokenly asking his roommate about where he is in english. jeongguk's family is loud and kind, and welcomes him with open arms. 

it feels amazing to smell korean food that isn't cooked by himself and to talk with someone other than jeongguk in korean. the only bits of korean he'll get these days is from the two minute phone calls he makes to taehyung before he goes to bed. 

jeongguk's older brother, jeonghyun, is nice too—although he's clearly weary of yoongi. he has a girlfriend, an american girl that yoongi only says hello to because she doesn't know any korean. yoongi sticks to jeongguk's side in the living room, nursing a glass of wine and chiming into the conversation occasionally. 

yoongi likes seeing jeongguk so relaxed, so happy—in his element. he hums freely when he sets the dinner table, and yoongi watches with the stupidest, most in-love grin on his face. "baby, the forks go on the left side—why are you even setting forks? won't we just use chopsticks?" yoongi asks, taking a sip from his wine glass. 

jeongguk frowns at the table, then starts to switch the side of the plate the forks are on. "it's for hyung's girlfriend, sophie. hyung said he doesn't want to make her use chopsticks."

"that's stupid. how long have they been together?"

jeongguk grimaces. "almost eight months, i think."

yoongi raises his eyebrows and finishes his wine, setting it aside. "wow, and he still hasn't taught her to use chopsticks? it's like, an essential part of our culture."

"i know. at least she can handle our spice levels. in high school, he dated this white girl for a few months and she couldn't eat our food," he replies and finishes with the forks, frowning at at the table again. "i'm missing something."

yoongi looks at the table for a moment, then—"the wine."

jeongguk snaps his fingers and kisses yoongi's cheek when he passes, getting the bottle of wine from the kitchen. he sets it near the center, then crosses his arms. "there."

"looks good," yoongi says and kisses his jaw, smiling a little bit. he drops his eyes to the chain he gave to jeongguk, trailing his fingers over it. "this does too."

"you think? i'm worried it'll clash with my normal style," he says with a pout, touching it too. yoongi shakes his head in response and fixes the collar of the button up jeongguk is wearing, then glances around. they're alone, so he kisses him briefly on the lips. jeongguk breaks into a cheesy smile, arms around yoongi's waist. he kisses him again and again and all over his face. 

yoongi laughs at the feeling, pushing his shoulders and keeps saying, "stop it," but doesn't give much of an effort to make him. "wait, wait, wait," he says suddenly, eyes falling shut and they both pause for a moment. he turns his head away and sneezes, rubbing his nose afterwards. 

"are you still feeling bad?" jeongguk asks, touching yoongi's face and forehead. 

yoongi pushes him away, rolling his eyes and brushes himself off. "i'm fine. it was one sneeze, jeongguk-ah."

jeongguk nods hesitantly, then says, "if you continue not feeling well, please tell me. you can lie down in my room or something."

"don't worry about me. i'm fine, and very warm," he reassures and tugs his sleeves over his hands, wrapping his arms around jeongguk's neck to bring him into a kiss. 

"i like this sweater on you," jeongguk mumbles against his mouth, pulling away to look yoongi up and down for a moment. "you look cute."

"cute?"

"yeah. you're kind of like a low maintenance cat." jeongguk laughs and bumps his nose against yoongi's. yoongi makes a face at the comment. "you hate being touched, usually, and you love sleeping and doing nothing. you also have very feline features, like your eyes and round cheeks."

"i'm aware," he mutters and crosses his arms, looking away. the tips of his ears are pink from the compliments, trying to not smile too much. "i can't tell you how many times i've been compared to a cat over the last twenty-four years of my life."

jeongguk doesn't get to answer because his mother walks in to start placing food on the table. they step away from each other and yoongi offers to help, which jeongguk's mother just waves off. he takes a seat across from jeonghyun's girlfriend, and beside jeongguk. 

yoongi keeps quiet at dinner, the lead of the conversation being between jeonghyun, jeongguk, and sophie—meaning they're talking in english. he finishes his food first and picks up his plate, rolling up his sleeves to wash it. jeongguk's mother quickly follows him into the kitchen and says, "no need, yoongi-ah," she says and puts her hand on his back. 

"it's okay, i can do it," yoongi says, quite formally, and starts to wash. 

jeongguk's mother sighs from beside him and drops her hand from his back. "we knew jeonggukie had someone he liked, but i was never expecting someone like you," she says and her tone is gentle, meaning she is probably not referring to the fact that yoongi is a man. 

still, he asks, "what do you mean?" as he rinses the plate and makes sure it's clean, placing it in the dish rack. 

jeongguk's mother smiles gently and it makes yoongi's insides fuzzy. he's reminded of his own mother—suddenly misses her because of it. "i mean, he's the happiest i've ever seen him. he lights up around you. you're a good man, yoongi-ah. you're korean, you're kind, and i've noticed you're very patient with him. i like you, yoongi-ah, and so does jeongguk. please treat my son well, okay?"

yoongi nods, then drops into a bow. he feels jeongguk's mother's hand on back his head for a moment. "thank you," he says and straightens. he takes her hands in his own, smiling widely as he holds onto them tightly. "i'll take care of him."

he lets go of her hands and returns to the table, reaching for the bottle of wine when he sits. jeongguk takes it before he can, teasingly holding it out of his reach. yoongi sits back and crosses his arms, waiting. jeongguk gives in rather quickly, filling his own glass before filling yoongi's. 

"i shouldn't even bother," jeongguk says and laughs, taking a sip of the drink. "you have more patience than i do."

"funny. your mom told me something similar," he says and picks up his glass, swishing around the wine before having a sip. 

jeongguk's eyebrows furrow. "you talked to my mom?"

"yeah, just now for a minute. she said she likes me," yoongi says casually and sets down his glass. he stands again, starting to pick up other people's plates. he notices sophie begin to do the same and they meet in the kitchen. yoongi blinks down at her before saying, "i can clean," in english. 

sophie smiles tentatively before nodding, and yoongi washes the rest of the dishes while humming under his breath. he tenses when he feels hands on his waist, but relaxes when he sees jeongguk over his shoulder. "no wonder she likes you, you're cleaning her kitchen," jeongguk says a little slowly, hands travelling up yoongi's back and to his shoulders. his touch makes yoongi's shoulders loosen a little. 

"i'm good at it." yoongi shrugs and places the last plate in the sink, then turns to look up at jeongguk. "how many glasses of wine did you have? you're losing your korean accent and sounding very american," he says and laughs, hands on jeongguk's biceps. 

"what?" he asks in english and yoongi laughs again, putting his forehead against his shoulder. 

"you're so far gone. maybe you should sit down," he says and touches jeongguk's cheek, pulling him gently into the living room. he's glad that it's empty, pushing jeongguk to sit on the couch, before sitting down beside him. "can you speak korean right now or do i have to suffer through you being drunk and speaking to me in english?"

jeongguk answers in english and yoongi sighs, leaning back against the couch. jeongguk follows and curls up, fitting himself against yoongi's side. "you're such a lightweight," he mumbles and runs his fingers through his own hair, fiddling with his earring as he watches jeongguk. 

a few minutes pass and jeongguk has fallen asleep, shifting his position to be more comfortable. yoongi just lets him rest there, occasionally adjusting jeongguk's head so his arm won't get numb. jeongguk's breaths are slow and steady, and yoongi leans down to kiss his forehead gently. 

"jeongguk-ah, are you—oh," jeonghyun begins, then lowers his voice to a whisper. "he's asleep."

"we'll find our way home when he wakes up. he had a lot to drink. worst thing that happens is we call a ride or something," yoongi replies, watching jeongguk stir a little, mumbling something. "go, jeonghyun-ssi. it's okay. i can take care of him."

jeonghyun sighs a little before nodding, gives a small wave before leaving the room. yoongi turns his attention back to jeongguk, admiring him and his eyes get heavy fast, slowly falling asleep.

yoongi wakes up to groaning beside him, turning over and opening his eyes. there’s light streaming through the blinds and jeongguk is lying on the floor, on his back. “you pushed me off the couch,” he huffs when they make eye contact.

“sorry,” yoongi replies tiredly and brings his watch close to his eyes, reading that it's barely seven am. he sits up and waits a couple of extra seconds before standing, hiking his jeans tighter up his hips. he sticks out his arm to help jeongguk up, watching him sleepily latch his body on yoongi. “you know, you got so drunk last night that you just stopped speaking in korean.”

“really? wow, i haven’t hit that point since i turned twenty-one. and that night i stopped speaking english,” jeongguk says and he laughs, pressing his face into yoongi’s neck. “my friends were very, very confused.”

“can you get off me?”

“no.”

yoongi tries to take a step forward, but jeongguk is persistent and holds on tighter. “jeongguk-ah,” he mumbles, and slips his arms around jeongguk’s waist in attempt to move his body away. helpless, he drops his arms again and stands in the middle of the room, a little unamused. he hears footsteps from down the hallway, then sees jeongguk’s mother standing in the doorway. yoongi tries to bow and then looks at her apologetically. “he won’t let go.”

“he gets like that,” she replies, smiling fondly at jeongguk. “do you want breakfast before you go home?”

"jeongguk-ah, are you hungry? do you want breakfast?" he asks, running his fingers through jeongguk's hair, trying to lift his head. "hey, are you listening?"

jeongguk mumbles something into his shoulder, muffled by the cloth of yoongi's sweater. he shifts a little, then kicks jeongguk gently in the shin. "can you get off of me, please?" he asks quietly. "your mother is standing right there."

"i don't care," jeongguk replies. "and neither does she. right, mom? yoongi makes me happy."

"yoongi-hyung," yoongi mutters. 

"whatever." his arms tighten and he tries to press his face deeper. "i'm american. let me live."

yoongi sighs and looks at jeongguk's mother, catching her big smile before it disappears. "breakfast would be nice," he says. 

++

they spend new year's eve cuddled in bed, watching movies and making out. when yoongi wakes up the next morning, jeongguk is holding him with one arm and scrolling through his phone in his free hand. he presses his lips to jeongguk's neck, moving his cheek against his chest. "what're you looking at?" he asks groggily, screen too far away to see. 

"just instagram," jeongguk replies and slides his phone onto the nightstand before wrapping his other arm around yoongi. "hi."

"hi," he croaks, still struggling to wake up. he sighs quietly. "i think you're spoiling me by sleeping next to me."

jeongguk laughs, fingers brushing across yoongi's cheek gently. "how so? don't you still share a bed with taehyung?"

yoongi moves closer, legs tangled and presses his mouth to jeongguk's for a moment. it's not the nicest kiss, not with the lingering taste of morning breath, but yoongi pulls away with a lazy smile on his face. "can't do that with taehyung, can i?”

"i mean, you could—"

yoongi snorts into a laugh, saying, "you would probably cry."

jeongguk blushes and looks away, but yoongi brings his chin back to kiss the tip of his nose. he finally sits up and stretches out his arms, looking at jeongguk for a moment. he looks warm and comfortable and—happy. he has the biggest grin on his face, a special look in his eyes that gives yoongi butterflies. he looks happy. yoongi almost leans down to kiss him again, but flinches when he's startled by loud buzzing. 

"sorry. that's the intercom—move a bit, you're on my legs," jeongguk asks and yoongi moves his legs away to let him get up. he pulls on a hoodie on his way out the door, and yoongi can hear him talking to someone in english. 

he pulls himself out of bed and into the bathroom, washing his face and brushing his teeth. he shuffles out of the bathroom, following the sound of jeongguk’s voice. he peeks around the corner leading to the kitchen and entrance, seeing jeongguk standing with his arms crossed and talking to someone. yoongi cranes his neck a little further, catching a glimpse of a girl standing with her hands in her pockets. he jerks back behind the wall when they accidentally make eye contact. 

“who’s that?” the girl asks in korean—yoongi is surprised to hear it. 

jeongguk’s tone is full of annoyance. “who?”

“behind you. there was a person. i thought you said all your roommates were gone.”

“they are gone. he’s just one of my friends who’s visiting from korea. can you leave now, please?”

yoongi feels something twist in his chest. he knows now that jeongguk is his boyfriend—has to remind himself that jeongguk is still finding himself, and his sexuality. it doesn’t make being referred to as just a friend hurt any less. the rest of the conversation continues in english and he only catches onto key words he knows. even without knowing english, yoongi can make a guess at who the girl might be. yoongi leans his head back against the wall and crosses his arms with a huff.

the door finally shuts and yoongi shifts around the corner, leaning against the wall. “should i be worried?” he asks quietly, touching his earring, feeling out the metal of the hoop. “who was she?”

jeongguk shuts his eyes, back pressed against the door. “do you really need to ask?” he mumbles in response. “for both of those things.”

yoongi rolls his eyes and drops his hand, moving into the kitchen to make himself coffee. “sorry,” is all he says, getting the box of instant coffee and filling the electric kettle with water. he crosses his arms as he waits, shrugging jeongguk off when he tries to hug him from behind. “can’t you just answer the questions?” he mumbles loud enough for jeongguk to hear. 

“it really isn’t a big deal.” jeongguk sighs. “kayla is my ex-girlfriend from last year. you don’t need to be worried. she’s just nosy and tries to butt into my life when hers gets boring.”

“was that so hard?” yoongi asks and turns, leaning on the counter to pull jeongguk closer. he slips his hand under jeongguk’s shirt and curls his hand against his smooth skin, pressing gently into his back. “reassurance isn’t a bad thing. and sometimes... sometimes i need it. especially after being called just a friend.”

jeongguk nods and kisses his forehead before draping his arms around yoongi’s shoulders. “i’m sorry about that,” he says softly. “she’s—she's sensitive. and manipulative. so, if she found out about you like this, i didn’t know what she would do. i’m not ashamed of you, i promise.”

“it’s okay. i understand that. just… reassurance, okay?” yoongi asks and kisses jeongguk when he nods in confirmation. he turns around again to make his coffee, taking a sip after adding a little bit of creamer. he leans his head against jeongguk’s shoulder, turning it to look up at jeongguk. “you are so beautiful,” he finds himself mumbling, more of a declaration to himself. still, jeongguk’s cheeks flare red. 

“shut up.”

“seriously. i don’t know how you are.”

jeongguk rolls his eyes. “what do you want to do today?” he asks, effectively switching the subject. 

“why would ask me that?" yoongi asks and takes a sip of his coffee, setting the mug back on the counter. "you already know what i'm going to say."

"okay, what do you want to do other than lying in bed which is what we did yesterday? can't we go out and do something? i want to show you around new york more. you might like koreatown," jeongguk says and pulls away, heading for the fridge. 

"i hate moving. this city is too much of a walking city," yoongi says as he moves out of jeongguk's way and sits at the table. "it's also freezing and snowing."

jeongguk shrugs, starting to make them breakfast. yoongi watches, one legs pulled to his chest and both hands around his mug. "that's true," he mumbles back, focused on the egg he's cracking into a pan of oil. a few seconds pass. "i'm fresh out of ideas, then."

yoongi jumps when the front door slams shut, rattling the plates in the dishrack. he glances behind him to see someone bundled up for the cold weather, then looks back to jeongguk. "seriously, gguk-ah. i don't see what's so wrong about staying in," he says, finishing his coffee and pushes the mug aside when jeongguk sets a plate in front of him. "i promise i'll go out with you when the weather calms down."

jeongguk sighs and sits beside him, fixing the chopsticks in his hands. "i'm holding you to that," he mutters, shoving egg into his mouth. 

they eat breakfast in silence, with the stranger shuffling through the kitchen. he's taller than jeongguk, just as broad, but more filled out in his waist. he has his back towards the table, so yoongi can't see all of his face—but he's korean too. yoongi is curious, and wants to know who it is, but is too paranoid to ask with him standing right there. 

when yoongi and jeongguk are back in the safety of the latter's bed, cuddling into each other, he asks, "who was that in the kitchen?"

jeongguk types in the password to his laptop and pulls one knee up to comfortably type and see the screen. "the guy i share a room with. jinsun. i think i told you that he's kind of a weirdo, but he's good at keeping his distance," he explains and opens the drama they started the day before. yoongi makes himself more comfortable, resting his head on jeongguk's shoulder. "ignore him if he walks in."

yoongi doesn't respond, only zones in and out of watching the screen of jeongguk's laptop and occasionally pressing a lazy kiss or two to his boyfriend's mouth. an hour into the episode, he catches jeongguk staring at him with a frown on his face. he knows this look too well, had to look at it all summer long. "what's wrong?" he asks, propping his head into his palm. 

jeongguk shifts and shrugs. "nothing," he so obviously lies and it makes yoongi laugh. 

he pauses the tv show, pushing the laptop away from them. jeongguk keeps on frowning, the pinch of his eyebrows growing deeper. yoongi kisses between his eyes, wanting to make him relax more, encourages him to take a deep breath. "tell me. whatever it is, i promise i'm not going to be mad," he says softly, rubbing his cheek. 

jeongguk sighs, reaching down to bring yoongi's hips closer. "just—the long distance," he finally mumbles back. 

yoongi groans and rolls onto his back, covering his face with one hand. "jeongguk-ah, come on. we've talked about this so much," he says and turns his head, moving his hand to rest comfortably on his chest. jeongguk gives him a look that says you promised. "i know it's hard, especially with it being thirteen hours, but i don't—i don't know. it's scary to think about the future. you know i like you so much, gguk-ah."

he thinks, i love you so much, then wonders how he got there. 

jeongguk brings yoongi's hand to his mouth, gently kissing his fingertips and knuckles. the frown has loosened a little, but he still looks hesitant. "how much?" he asks. "what're you willing to do for me? in the sense of our relationship."

yoongi presses his lips together as he thinks. considers his awful job, taehyung and jimin and all of his friends, his family. yoongi attends an online college. he already did his military service after high school. what would living in new york be like, anyway? life with jeongguk here—or maybe in busan? what would yoongi's parents think about jeongguk, what would geumjae think about him, too? yoongi likes jeongguk so much, thinks that he's probably in love with jeongguk. he likes new york well enough too. sure, it's a bustling city, but he can make do. 

"anything," he decides on saying and shuts his eyes, feeling jeongguk's hand trail up his arm. "i would honestly do anything for you, jeongguk. i don't what i'm going to do when i go back to busan, i don't know how i'm going to deal with being so far away from you." he opens his eyes again. 

jeongguk's expression finally softens, nodding a little. "if i wasn't tied here by school and family, then i would too," he says quietly and smiles a little. "you mean that much to me, yoongi."

"i'm not really tied down by anything," yoongi replies, biting his lip and allows his mind to wander back to his earlier thoughts. to moving to new york. "and i like it here, even though the weather is worse than the inside of the freezer right now. my only issue is the language thing, but there's plenty of korean speakers here and i'm sure you can teach me more english."

"i don't want to make you drop everything—"

"you wouldn't be," yoongi insists, sitting up to look at jeongguk's face better. "you know that i hate my job. and of course i have my friends, but i can make new ones here too. i would want you to meet my family before i make any commitments and i can still get my degree from here, jeongguk. i'm just worried that maybe we're rushing."

jeongguk's frown reappears. yoongi pinches his cheeks, earning a giggle from him. he pulls yoongi foward by the neck to plant a kiss to his mouth. "i'm worried about that too. i mean," he pauses and sighs. yoongi notices the tips of his ears start to turn pink. "we haven't even, you know, said the l-word yet."

yoongi feels his face start to heat up and probably turn red, laughing a little because jeongguk literally said l-word in english instead of sarang in korean. he blinks a little, turns his head away, mumbling, "i love you, then."

jeongguk's hands tighten a little on yoongi's waist. it's not tight, but more a firmness of surprise. "that wasn't an invitation to say it," he says a little shyly, blushing so hard and yoongi kisses him for being so damn cute. "i love you too. i think. fuck, that sounds bad. it's just scary, yoongi."

"yoongi-hyung."

"give me a break!" jeongguk whines and pushes yoongi away when he laughs, crossing his arms over his chest. "we're here having a serious conversation about our relationship and you're worried about honorifics."

yoongi laughs harder, holding his stomach when it starts to hurt and moves closer to jeongguk again. "sorry," he mutters and kisses jeongguk, feeling his presence so strongly. the weight of his hands on yoongi's waist, his scent everywhere, the hot press of his mouth. "just love you so much. think i have loved you for a while now, i was just so scared to say it," he says against his lips. 

jeongguk sits up and they bump chests, both flushed cheeks and messy hair, lips barely touching. "i love you," he says softly in english and yoongi sort of explodes inside, and can't stop smiling. then again, "i love you." 

"i love you so much," jeongguk breathes out and yoongi is really glad he knows enough english to understand that. he's tackled in a hug, jeongguk's body on top of him as he bends a little backwards. kisses cover every inch of his face, showered with affection. "so much, yoongi."

"stop speaking english or i'll kick you," yoongi mumbles from where he's being crushed into the bed, jeongguk's body weight fully on him. he grins anyway. "i love you too."

++

yoongi and jeongguk are shoulder to shoulder at the world's tiniest restaurant table, sharing lamb skewers and working on their second bottle of soju for dinner.  it was jeongguk's idea to finally come to koreatown, which was a good call because yoongi falls in love with it immediately. it's weird—it feels like a piece of korea is just nestled in the middle of new york city. 

there are so many tourists, but jeongguk and yoongi blend right in like they belong there. they shop and talk to people they meet; some even recognize jeongguk, ask about his mother, to which he respectfully answers that she's been well. most people who know jeongguk don't really catch onto them being a couple. expect one, who smiles fondly when they share the shortest kiss in the back corner of her shop. 

now, jeongguk the lightweight is slightly tipsy, trying to feed yoongi and ends up rubbing sauce all over his cheek. "what're you doing gguk?" he mutters and steadies jeongguk's hand to put the food in his mouth himself. "maybe i should be feeding you."

"are you making fun of me?" jeongguk asks, and hands yoongi a napkin, watching him wipe off his face. 

"just a little bit." yoongi laughs and takes another shot of soju. "i think i'm allowed to."

jeongguk rolls his eyes and turns away to take his next shot too. the cup hits the table with a bit of a slam and he grins, so obviously alcohol induced. "i'm going to have such an awful headache in the morning," he mumbles and slumps into the chair, rubbing his face. "why is soju like that?"

yoongi shrugs and clears the table, finishing the small amount left in the bottle. "come on, aren't we meeting your friends now?" he asks, tugging on jeongguk's sleeve. jeongguk stands and pulls on his gloves, watching yoongi retrieve his card from the waitress. "you better not leave my fucking side. i don't trust american boys at clubs. they're all seem freaky."

"hey," jeongguk protests as he slings his arm around yoongi's shoulder. they both bid goodbye to the owner. "i'm american."

"exactly." jeongguk hits his arm. "kidding," yoongi adds with a laugh. 

they take the subway to the club and wait in line, shivering while huddled together. it's near midnight now, and while the club doesn't have much of a line, it's still freezing outside. jeongguk keeps on kissing yoongi for warmth, his hands already in yoongi's pockets. yoongi catches on fast, but doesn't say anything about it. only smiles and kisses him back. 

they shuffle to the bouncer and yoongi's fingers tremble from the cold when he shows his id. jeongguk shows his right after, and yoongi giggles when he sees the same picture he saw just over six months ago. "can you believe the last time we were at a club, we ended up kissing?" jeongguk asks over the music once they're inside, coats in coat check. 

yoongi is too busy making real-life heart eyes at jeongguk to answer. his shirt is tight, just enough to see the outline of his chest and it falls over his slim waist. he's also wearing leather pants and yoongi can imagine extra drunk jeongguk attempting to take them off. but oh god, what really gets him going, are jeongguk's accessories. his belt is normal, but has a fancy buckle, and he's wearing rings and his christmas chain and little hoop earrings like always. it's standard accessorizing, but yoongi thinks he looks hot. 

finally, he answers, "no! let's find your friends though."

they snake their way through the club, music and flashing lights around them. it's so crowded and there's so many people squished all together. it's so different from korean clubs. yoongi would probably call this feeling culture shock. jeongguk's three friends are huddled at a table, one girl and two boys, all sipping quietly at drinks. 

the girl throws her arms around jeongguk when he lets go of yoongi's hand. yoongi shifts closer awkwardly, watching the interaction with uneasiness. but the girl places herself in the lap of one of the boys, saying something to jeongguk. 

"there's not enough chairs, so one of us is going to have to sit on the other. i vote you sit on me."

"i don't much of a choice, do i?" yoongi asks wearily. jeongguk giggles as he sits in the now vacant chair, tugging yoongi down by the hips and into his lap. defeated and also slightly uncomfortable, he shifts and leans into jeongguk, arms pulled into himself. jeongguk's touch just barely helps him relax.

the conversation around them is easy and light flowing, jeongguk acting as a translator for yoongi and his friends. yoongi finds himself relaxing more and more as learns about jeongguk's friends, but when a couple of them leave to dance, he can't help but feel more anxious. "hey, i can feel your fast heartbeat. what's wrong?" jeongguk asks, touching his shoulder. 

yoongi rests his hands in his lap, eyes on the dance floor, shrugging jeongguk's hand off. "anxious, that's all. i think i need to drink," he says and manages to pull his eyes away. he stands and kisses jeongguk's cheek, squeezing his way through the club to find the bar. he orders what he knows off the top of his head and accepts the drink, having it all in one shot. he orders another—then does the same thing. 

someone beside him says something to him, which yoongi doesn't entertain because he doesn't know english. he practically zones out when he gets his third drink, covering the glass with his hand and tracing the rim while he stares into the corner. he jerks away when he feels a body that isn't jeongguk get near him, and ends up taking the drink back to their table. 

yoongi sits on an empty chair and scoots it close to jeongguk, then finishes his drink. jeongguk tries to touch him and he flinches, then drops his shoulders when he reminds himself where he is. "sorry," he says and wipes his sweaty palms onto his jeans, looking up to see jeongguk looking worried. "stop looking at me like that."

"do you want to leave? we can leave," he says into yoongi's ear, who shakes his head in response. "are you sure?" yoongi shakes his head again. hesitantly, jeongguk nods and leans back against the chair. 

jeongguk's hand somehow finds yoongi's knee, sometimes drawing circles in his leg. it's strangely calming, and yoongi finishes his drink, leaning back in the chair. he listens to the sound of jeongguk's voice, trying to see if he can try to pick up on any words he's saying. he barely catches jeongguk saying his name, narrowing his eyes and pokes his arm. 

"what're you saying about me?" he asks and crosses his arms, glancing at jeongguk's friend for a moment. 

jeongguk smiles a little drunkly, lopsided and cute. yoongi wonders how much he's had to drink. "nothing bad. just telling him what we've done on your trip so far," he says and squeezes yoongi's thigh. 

yoongi jumps at the feeling, covering jeongguk's hand with his own in attempt to pry his fingers off. instead, jeongguk laces their fingers together and resumes his conversation. yoongi uses his free hand to take out his phone, sending taehyung and text and scrolling through instagram boredly. he stands and tells jeongguk he's going to find the bathroom, then shuffles through the crowd, clutching his phone. 

he makes it to the bathroom and calls taehyung, fixing his hair as he looks at himself in the mirror. taehyung answers almost immediately, saying, "hyung, why the fuck are you calling me?"

"am i not allowed to call you?" yoongi asks and turns away from the mirror, kicking open the stalls to check if anyone else is in the bathroom. "i'm bored. jeongguk took me to a club to meet his friends, and they're cool, i guess, but he's not talking to me anymore. i'm hiding in this disgusting ass bathroom."

he can practically feel taehyung's eyeroll from over the phone. "yoongi-hyung, you left your man alone in a club in new york city?"

yoongi goes quiet for a few seconds. "is that... bad?" he asks slowly and taehyung groans into the phone. "what?! it's not like a left the club or anything, and i told him i'm in the bathroom. plus, i trust him."

"but you don't trust other people with him."

"he's with his friend."

"i'm hanging up now."

"no, taehyungie, wait," yoongi says quickly and taehyung sighs, indicating that he's listening. "i'm just anxious here. the most annoying thing is not being able to communicate with anyone around me. it's really terrifying and yeah, i'm taking english classes at school but i still barely know anything and it's so different in practice."

taehyung sighs again—it's more a sound of sympathy rather than annoyance this time. "listen, hyung, get out of your own head. i know you. you just need a distraction from your anxiety. try dancing with jeongguk or something, i don't know," he says and there's something in his voice that lets yoongi know he's being honest. "okay, goodbye. i'm actually hanging up now."

the call drops before yoongi can say it back, so he shoves his phone in his pocket and touches up the small amount of lip gloss he's wearing. he returns to the table where jeongguk is and notices all the seats are taken. embarrassedly, yoongi tugs on jeongguk's collar for his attention. getting the clue, jeongguk scoots his chair back and pulls yoongi into his lap. 

jeongguk stares at him while he gets situated, eyebrows furrowed. "what?" yoongi asks. 

"is that... are you wearing lip gloss?"

yoongi blinks slowly and nods a little, one eyebrow raised. "i mean, yeah. i'm wearing makeup. you literally watched me put it on this morning," he replies and jeongguk's hand comes up to his face, thumb dragging over his bottom lip slowly. "stop, i just put it on again."

he pushes jeongguk's hand away, rubbing his lips together to respread the gloss and glances at jeongguk watching in awe. "jeez, gguk-ah, you're like you've never seen a man wearing makeup before," he mutters, pressing his fingers to the bottom of his chin, lifting it up. "which i know is not true, because jimin is a dancer who wears stage makeup."

jeongguk crinkles his nose, looking displeased. "why the fuck are you talking about my cousin, when you're on my lap and i'm admiring how hot you look?"

yoongi parts his lips in surprise, saying, "i forgot about that. i mean, him being your cousin."

"please stop talking about jimin," he huffs and crosses his arms. there's a few beats of silence and he corrects himself, "and yes, i know it's jimin-hyung, before you fucking say something about honorifics again."

yoongi rolls his eyes and pouts, rubbing his thumb over the skin below jeongguk's lip. "wasn't going to say anything about that," he mumbles and almost—almost—kisses jeongguk when one of his friends distracts him. jeongguk's arms wrap around yoongi's waist, keeping him close while he talks. 

annoyed, yoongi shifts in his lap and focuses his attention on something else. he pulls at his black t-shirt, twisting the fabric between his fingers boredly. his eyes scan the area of the club they're in—somewhere tucked into the corner, is a man that is staring intently at him and jeongguk. his face is covered by the shadows, so he can't really make it out, but yoongi can feel his intense gaze. 

jeongguk nudges yoongi's thigh with his elbow and he slides off of his lap, sitting in the chair when jeongguk stands. "i'm just gonna get a drink. you want anything?" he asks, pressing his lips to yoongi's cheek. 

"just water," yoongi says and curls his fingers into the bottom of the chair as jeongguk and his friend walk away. the other boy and the girl—yoongi can't remember anyone's names—both get up to return to the dance floor. he lets go of the chair, bringing his hands together and plays with his bracelet. 

his heart races faster when he notices the man approaching the table. he squeezes his eyes shut in hopes that he's just imagining him. the chair scrapes against the floor, and when yoongi opens his eyes, the man sitting in one of the two empty chairs. he's objectively handsome, but yoongi can't look him in the eyes. he's korean too, which for once, sort of makes the whole situation worse.

"you seem awfully comfortable with justin," the man says and yoongi cringes internally. the knot in his stomach tightens and grows, feeling almost sick. this man knows jeongguk—and he doesn't sound happy. 

hesitantly, he replies, "well, he's my boyfriend."

the man doesn't respond immediately, looks almost amused to hear this. "boyfriend, huh?" he asks, and it sounds rhetorical, so yoongi doesn't answer. "tried to make him my boyfriend a couple years ago and he told me he's straight. then six months ago, you showed up when he went to korea in the summer."

yoongi presses his mouth together and frowns. "i'm sorry, but," he pauses and bites his lip to think of his next words. "that's not really my problem. you should take it up with—"

"what's going on here?" jeongguk interrupts and yoongi feels his entire body relax at the sound of his voice. quietly, he accepts the water bottle jeongguk is holding and takes two big gulps from it. the man turns to look at jeongguk and the expression on his face brings all the tension back onto yoongi's shoulders. "what the fuck are you doing, talking to my boyfriend?"

"relax, justin—"

"no. fuck you. you're telling me to relax? when i asked you, multiple times, to stay away from me and that includes staying away from him," jeongguk growls out and yoongi is kind of scared of how angry he looks right now, all his muscles tense and accentuated. he scoots his chair away from the man and stands, crossing his arms as he keeps his breathing steady. he watches jeongguk closely because he doesn't know what jeongguk is like when he's angry—what if he'll start a fight over this? yoongi won't take any chances.

instead, jeongguk slams his drink down and mutters something in english, suspiciously sounding like cursing the man out—then grabs yoongi's arm to drag him to coat check. 

"jeongguk, who was that?" yoongi asks as they wait for their jackets and forces his arm from jeongguk's grip, watching his distracted expression. "gguk-ah?" 

"sorry, what?" 

"who was that?" he asks again, crossing his arms. 

jeongguk shuts his eyes for a moment, but opens them when the woman working hands both their winter coats over the counter. yoongi pulls his on and follows jeongguk outside, stopping him from ignoring what just happened inside. "talk to me," yoongi pleads, touching jeongguk's cheek gently, watching his frown melt away. 

"what did he say to you?" he asks quietly. his hands curl into the fabric of yoongi's coat, pulling him closer. yoongi notices he's shaking. "please tell me what he said."

"only that you told him once that you're straight and that you didn't want to date him when he asked you out. and stated that we started dating in the summer. i was telling him that it isn't my problem when you came," yoongi explains and jeongguk exhales loudly, tightening his grip. 

"i'll explain when we're on the subway. is that okay?"

yoongi nods and follows jeongguk to the station, staying silent and not complaining about the ache in his feet like he usually would. they sit side by side on the mostly empty subway car, flickering lights above. jeongguk keeps quiet and fiddles with the zipper of his jacket, biting the skin on his cracked lips. 

yoongi waits patiently, occasionally tries to take jeongguk's hand to calm him down, but the other will pull away. finally, jeongguk says, "he didn't actually try to ask me to be his boyfriend. but, i did tell him that i was straight, even though i was questioning at the time."

"okay."

"i think i had a crush on him at the time. it was a stupid, measly crush—but kijung, his english name is keith—he got obsessive over me," jeongguk says and yoongi encourages him to take a deep breath by exaggerating the sound of his own breathing. "hyung, it was really creepy. he was always there, watching. always in my space, ended up at the same parties and events. one time, he tried to like, touch me, and i freaked out. so i told him i don't like guys and ran away.

"it got worse after i did that, i mean, it was super stalkerish. he was sending me weird messages, creepy notes in my school books. followed me back to my dorm." he shudders, and yoongi wonders if he's remembering how that felt. he feels a chill down his own spine just thinking about it. "i eventually got the courage to file a restraining order, which he technically broke tonight, but—it's okay. i'm just glad we're gone."

yoongi scowls a little. the story sounds vaguely familiar. so does the name keith. "you've told me some of this before," he says and looks up at jeongguk. "in october. it was the middle of the night for me and you called me and cried, saying how someone named keith tried to—to touch you? and you were so scared, i remember." jeongguk nods and looks away, his eyes dropping to the floor. yoongi notices his bouncing knee, but makes no effort to stop it. 

"yep. same guy," he says shakily. 

yoongi sniffs and nods, rubbing his cold nose. "i'm sorry all that happened, jeongguk. i wish i could have known you back then, or could have been here when that thing happened in october," he says gently, scooting closer when the car rocks a a little. he grabs onto the sleeve of jeongguk's winter jacket. 

jeongguk just shakes his head. "i wasn't alone. i had my family, and cameron was super understanding about it. i'm sorry for not telling you sooner. i just kind of forget about it because it happened a while ago. and october was one incident that i got over a couple days later."

"don't apologize. i'm not mad you didn't tell me," he says replies and forces jeongguk to look at him, hand firmly on the back of his head. "these kinds of things—they're scary. we haven't talked about it, but i've been through some shit too. before, during, and after my military service, i was in a really awful place. so much so, that i never talk about it anymore and haven't remembered to tell you because i blocked it out."

"hyung..."

yoongi shakes his head, kisses jeongguk on the lips for a moment. "it's okay. why don't we talk about everything in the morning?"

"okay."

++

jeongguk sits on the couch beside yoongi, two mugs in hand, and passes one to him. yoongi takes it and has a sip of the tea, lowering it slowly into his lap. the peppermint soothes his stomach and gives a refreshing taste into his mouth. "so... about last night," jeongguk starts to say, but yoongi sputters into a quiet laugh. 

"sorry. it's not funny at all. i just—i feel like i'm like sixteen and my mom is sitting me down to talk to me about going to a party or something," he says and laughs harder, setting his mug on the coffee table. jeongguk looks a little unamused, a little fear stricken. yoongi gestures him closer. "come here. want you in my arms when i talk about this."

jeongguk nods and shuffles closer, sliding his mug beside yoongi's. yoongi shifts so jeongguk can lie comfortably on him, running his fingers through his hair. "is this okay baby?" he whispers softly, kissing his forehead. jeongguk nods and yoongi hums as he thinks. "where should i start?"

"you said something about your military service," jeongguk mumbles into his shoulder. 

yoongi shifts his legs and moves more on his back, taking jeongguk with him. their legs are tangled lazily and he pulls a blanket over them, sighing. "i guess if i start around that time, i was really fucking depressed," he says and rests his head back, shutting his eyes. he feels jeongguk's muscles tense, and yoongi tries to get him to unwind more by running his fingers down his back. "i went into my service like that. i was pretty depressed and alone, and—it led me down a dark path."

he sucks in a deep breath, then pushes the flickering images of a hospital out of his mind. "this was a long time ago, by the way. i don't think this way anymore and i try really hard to take care of myself now. but back then—i was hurting myself." jeongguk shudders. yoongi holds him tighter. "during my service, after too. and—"

yoongi finds himself choking on a sob. he didn't really think he would cry talking about this, because it was so long ago and he's moved on now. it still invokes the emotions he felt—the helplessness, the lonesome suffering. tears streak down his cheeks and jeongguk catches them in his palms, wiping them away. yoongi smiles, a little sadly, whole face scrunched up from the painful memories. 

"i tried to kill myself, gguk," he mumbles through it, exhaling shakily. jeongguk lets out a sound like a wounded animal, forehead pressed into his shoulder. yoongi holds him, rubbing his back, allowing him to cry too. "i promise i'm okay now. i've been clean for almost three years. i'm so happy, because of you. you make me the happiest i've ever been."

"hyung," jeongguk sobs. yoongi's brain takes that moment to notice that jeongguk only calls him hyung when he's upset. bad timing, he tells himself, but still keeps it safely in his mind. "i love you."

yoongi finds himself smiling—then laughing. "i love you too," he says and kisses jeongguk gently, slowly, passionately. channels everything he feels for jeongguk into it, saying i'm okay. i love you. thank you for listening. thank you for caring. 

jeongguk pulls away and buries his face in yoongi's neck, clutching his shirt tightly. yoongi whispers little reminders that he's there, holding him, not going anywhere; cradles him like a baby because he's crying like yoongi might really be gone. yoongi thinks maybe it's just the possibility that jeongguk could wake up alone one day, that's hurting him. or that if he had succeeded, jeongguk wouldn't have even met him. 

"i wasn't alone as i thought i was," yoongi says quietly, stroking the back of jeongguk's head very gently, lightness in his touch. "i had people be there for me. like my brother, and taehyung, and jimin. and a few other friends i met along the way. my parents took some time to come around, especially after i came out, but we're on good terms now."

jeongguk doesn't answer immediately, still catching his breath, hiccuping quietly. "good," he eventually croaks softly. "don't like thinking about you in pain. you don't deserve that." he sits up and wipes his nose with a tissue, rubbing his eyes roughly with his knuckles. he leans forward again, pressing his forehead against yoongi's. "you deserve everything good in the world."

"okay," yoongi says. "you do too."

++

parting with jeongguk the second time is just as painful as the first. it feels oddly reminiscent of the first time, side by side in the backseat of cameron’s car, holding hands. even though jeongguk is deep in conversation with cameron, leaned in between the two front seats, yoongi can see in his eyes how sad he is. he truly hates it; hates the fact that he can’t stay longer and that jeongguk can’t come with him. 

they talked about seeing each other next—jeongguk said he almost has enough money to visit korea on spring break. it would only be for a week, and yoongi continues to worry that they’re rushing, but by the time that he would get approval for the right kind of travel visa, he’ll have been seeing jeongguk for at least a year. sure, they weren’t specifically boyfriends until a few weeks ago but, they know their relationship started in the summer. 

cameron slows the car along the curb, so yoongi climbs out to get his bag from the trunk. he double checks he has his passport and boarding pass, listening to jeongguk’s nagging about making sure he has everything. ignoring him, yoongi gives a mildly awkward hug to cameron and thanks him for the ride, and for being a good friend to jeongguk. asks him to take care of jeongguk while he’s gone and pretends he doesn’t see jeongguk blush. it comes out awkward since he’s still learning english, but cameron understands with a huge smile on his face.

it’s the next part that hurts. jeongguk surrounds yoongi with himself, holding onto him so tightly that yoongi can barely breathe. “enough, jeongguk-ah, i have to go or i’ll get stuck in customs,” yoongi chokes out and jeongguk loosens his grip enough to let him breathe. his face is somewhere in yoongi’s neck, tiny kisses showering all over the skin that’s showing. “jeongguk, come on.”

“yoongi-hyung,” he whines, words muffled by the cloth of yoongi’s jacket.

“stop. stop, don’t say my name like i’m leaving you forever. we can do this, okay?” yoongi tells him, almost insistently, like they suddenly aren’t keen on making it work. he knows that jeongguk gets worried, has doubts that yoongi will leave—it has nothing to do with loyalty, and more about the distance and their emotional bearings. yoongi assumes it’s even harder after their numerous long talks and admitting their love for each other. 

jeongguk sniffles and nods, finally pulling away. he tugs yoongi forward by the collar, pressing his mouth against his in a messy, tearful kiss. it isn’t as good of a kiss as the one they shared at the airport in busan, but it’s a more meaningful one. he can feel jeongguk telling him, i love you so much, please don’t forget me. 

yoongi pulls away, kissing the tip of jeongguk’s nose and says, “two and a half months, okay? it’s not as bad as before. we can do it.”

“i know,” he mutters back, still not letting go when yoongi tries to pull himself out. “wait. wanna hear you say it.”

“say what?”

jeongguk blushes. “you know what.”

yoongi rolls his eyes, but still says, “i love you jeongguk,” in english. wraps his arms around jeongguk’s neck, kissing him again, then hugging him again because letting go is still scary. he exhales shakily; tells himself to be strong for himself and for jeongguk and to not cry even though his eyes are burning. 

jeongguk finally lets go and waves a little as yoongi turns away, dragging his suitcase inside the airport. as he waits in the line to check in, his phone buzzes with a text. 

jeon jeongguk <3: miss you already