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Aelin’s mind was buzzing, torn between happiness and nervousness. That was all she could feel ever since the pregnancy test revealed the positive sign over an hour ago and she had just been staring at it since then, wearing nothing but her underwear and one of her favourite hoodies that she had stolen from Rowan long ago.
She and Rowan had talked about children, but had decided that it would be best to have them once things weren’t so…complicated. When Aelin would get another job, because all over Rifthold, secretary positions were being offered, but no positions in Rowan’s level were being offered.
Because Rowan was her boss, and she was his secretary. And at Havilliard Accounting Firm, office relationships were off the table. If anyone was found out to be in a relationship, it was straight to the HR office for a scolding and a firing; and that the was the absolute last thing that either of them wanted, and since Rowan was her superior, she feared of what would happen to him. Their relationship was equal, there was no manipulation from either side, both of them wanted the relationship and so they decided to be in one.
So Rowan and Aelin dated in secret, keeping their romantic and personal lives out of their professional lives. Which was hard at times, considering that they lived together, and sometimes it was hard to keep a straight face when an unresolved argument was hovering above them, so they had to repeat to themselves about professionalism and boundaries until it was time to go home and fix what problem they were facing at that time.
Aelin hated it, and so did Rowan. It made them feel dirty, like there was something wrong between them, when that was the furthest thing from the truth. When Aelin had first started on the job, she didn’t think that she would be with Rowan—honestly, she thought that he was a bit of a bastard, but she got to know him, and found that they had many things in common, and slowly, so slowly, Aelin started to see Rowan in a different light, and when she looked back at that time, she came to the realisation that Rowan had felt the same, that the look he held in his eyes for her were the same as back then.
And once that shared attraction made its appearance, they had fought their feelings for so long, up until a year and a half ago when they had ran into each other at the State Museum on the weekend, had lunch together at the museum cafe and things just went from there.
They made it work, despite the secrecy of it all. Only a few of their friends knew and they promised to keep it to themselves. Absolutely none of the few Whitethorn cousins that worked in the same building knew, as they were complete busybodies and would tell everyone, not at all caring about the circumstances.
None of Aelin’s work friends knew either. All they knew was that she was single and not looking for a relationship, that she was focusing on herself before she made any commitments; Rowan had told his work friends something similar.
At first, the secrecy of it all was exciting, like something straight out of the romance novels she adored, but a year and a half later, when they talked about marriage and Aelin had even told him the type of engagement ring she would like, it was becoming tiresome. Aelin just wanted the whole world to know of her love with Rowan, but so far, that was not to be.
Sighing, she wondered back to the now. She supposed she could say that it was the result of a one night stand, but it felt cruel to reduce Rowan to nothing as if was a stranger she fell into bed with and was nothing but a quick fuck after one too many drinks.
Besides, once she had the baby, it would be obvious who the father was. Silver hair and green eyes were dominate in the Whitethorn family, and the chances of her having a silver-haired, green-eyed child was high—it wouldn’t take more than two seconds to figure out who the father was, especially if the child inherited Rowan’s tanned skin and straight nose.
If the child inherited Aelin’s fair skin, her ocean blue eyes, and button nose, however, it might be easier to come up with some story about how someone in Aelin’s family had silver hair.
But Aelin didn’t want to lie. Didn’t want to pass off their child as someone else’s.
According to the test, she was seven weeks along, and she was all ready exhausted.
The jingle of keys had Aelin’s head snapping up from her seat in the living room, the pregnancy test heavy in her hand.
It was time to tell him. She had to leave work two hours into the day when she was overcome with nausea, and he had kept it professional when he wished her well, but she spotted in the concern in his eyes as he silently asked her if she was okay. Later on, he had texted her, asking if she needed anything from the shops, but she didn’t.
Aelin told him she was fine, but now…now she was nervous. Not at all because of Rowan’s reaction, but just because of their damned circumstances.
She had never hated the secrecy more until now.
But Aelin made herself smile as he made his way over to her, kissing her on the forehead and asking if she was okay again, once more asking her if she needed him to get her anything. Taking a deep breath, and telling herself that everything would be okay, she clutched the stick in her hand and told him to sit down. He did, his brows furrowed as he looked at her.
Wordlessly, Aelin handed over the test. Rowan took it from her outstretched hand, his eyes wide as he glanced at her, to the test, and then back to her.
“You’re pregnant?” he asked, his voice a breathless rush.
Aelin could only nod.
“Fireheart, that’s…” he trailed off, Aelin’s heart near bursting out of her chest as she waited for his next words, she knew that they’d be positive, but still. Rowan smiled, and it was the most beautiful thing Aelin had ever witnessed. “This is amazing.”
“It is?” The words fell out of her mouth of their own accord. Clearly, she wasn’t listening to herself.
Rowan sensed her unease and took her hands in his own, kissing her knuckles as he did. “I know that we’ve talked about having children later on, but I couldn’t be more happy.”
Nodding, Aelin took a deep breath. She was excited too, despite everything. Which was why she said, without a hint of doubt, “I’ll hand in my two week notice once I pass the first trimester.”
“Fireheart, I can’t ask you to do that,” Rowan said, clutching her hand. “I’ll ask for a transfer, and you can stay until you go on maternity leave, and if you still want to quit afterwards and look for work elsewhere, then I’ll help you, but you’ve worked too hard to quit now.”
“Everyone thinks I’m single, Rowan, and I don’t want to come up with a horrid about one night stands. We’re all ready lying, and I don’t want to add more to the pile.”
“The transfer—” Rowan started, but Aelin cut him off.
“You’ll just be in a different building, but the company policies will still stand. I know what you’re thinking, that in the future I’ll resent you and that I’ll blame you for making me quit, but I won’t. I’m sick of lying, and I know you are too—it’s been a year and a half of lies, and with this child are we going to extend that lie for another eighteen years? What if the child is a carbon copy of you? Then all the lies will blow up in our faces. I know you don’t think it is, but this is the best option.” Part of her did want to stay, to utilise her maternity leave, but Rowan could be fussy, especially when she wasn’t feeling well and if Rowan started fussing over his pregnant secretary then the questions would start flying.
Rowan sighed and was quiet for a long while. “I’m sorry,” he said eventually, “about the lying. I wish it didn’t have to be like this. I wish that you didn’t think you had to quit, but I understand why.” Again, he hated the whole expandable aspect of it all—but annoyingly, it made more financial sense for Rowan to stay and for Aelin to leave.
Rowan really did hate it, but Aelin had clearly made up her mind, and would not change her mind, she was stubborn.
“I know, but Rowan, I don’t regret being with you, not for a moment. I just want to start this journey on a more joyful road. I love you, to whatever end.”
Rowan smiled softly at her, his worries easing away just a little bit at their words—their promise to each other. “To whatever end. We’ll figure it out.”
“We will.” Deciding that she wanted to be wrapped in his arms, Aelin snuggled against him, breathing in his pine and snow scent, she was close to drifting off, when Rowan cleared his throat. Glancing up at him, he had a smile on his face, and an unreadable look in his eyes. “What?”
“I suppose now would be a horrible time to propose?”
Sitting back in a blink of an eye, Aelin crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him. “Rowan Whitethorn, if you propose to me while I’m wearing this shitty old hoodie, I swear to the gods, I will singe off your eyebrows right now.”
“So that’s a no?” He asked, his lips twitching, eyes swimming with barely concealed mirth at her. Her own lips wanted to rise in a smile, but she slammed it down.
“It’s a no for now. I want to be wearing a nice dress, eating good food—but not in a crowd, you know I hate crowd proposals—with a pretty view—”
“I thought that I was the pretty view?” Rowan interrupted, laughing at the glare Aelin sent his way.
“And I forgot the rest of what I was going to say, but I am not being proposed to on a sofa.”
“Okay, no sofa proposals, I can remember that.”
“Good,” Aelin muttered and returned to his arms. They spoke of their future, of their baby and a list of potential names.
X X X X X X
Rowan proposed six months later at the beach, three months to the day that she had quit, with work being none the wiser, until recently, and they got off scott-free since Aelin was no longer employed there. The sky was a beautiful canvas of pink and peach, the only sounds the crashing of the waves, with no people around.
The ring was the exact one she had picked out long ago—a sparkly emerald with size of her fingernail on a gold band.
And it was exactly as she wished it, her in a nice sundress, with good food and ever-growing pretty views.
Having a secret relationship for a year and a half was exhausting, but well worth it in the end.