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The day you left me the earth stood still. It never spun again.
Before
Life was a funny thing. Upon reflection, she thought she had it all figured out, she thought things were white and black. No shades of grey. How could there be grey? It was either good or bad, light or dark. There is no grey.
Yet, there was. It was right there in the fringes where white and black met. She wished that was a lesson she had learned sooner in life. Maybe that would have prepared her for him and the addiction…
There was never supposed to be a him in her life beyond school. He was the supremist, the rich kid that looked down on others he deemed less. Less fortunate. Less pure… He was even the bully when the occasion called.
She herself never allowed herself to become the victim though, she knew her worth and would give as good as she got. Yet, It was never supposed to be beyond school. They would go their separate ways, him to his little rich aristocratic lifestyle, laying low to redeem himself after his family's involvement in the war. And she, she was supposed to go on and change the world from within the Ministry… marry Ron…
Ron was White. Good. Light; as she thought herself to be as well. Draco Malfoy was Black. Bad. Dark.
Sometimes in the dark of night, the thought would tickle in the back of her mind whether she was light? Sometimes she realised her actions weren't always very pure. But, she wasn't dark. So, due to the fact that there was only light and dark, she would dismiss does nagging thoughts with the assurance she was then most assuredly light.
That was till the day that Draco Malfoy walked into her office five years after the war.
You could hear a pin drop when their eyes met over her desk. Something in the air stirred and made her aware. Of what she didn't know, but the tension in the air was thick and cloying and just alive . She knew then that something was going to happen, her life was going to change.
He wanted help.
Some creatures on his property he wanted to be removed and relocated to more appropriate venues. Upon further enquiry, it was confirmed that his family had collected quite an interesting array of magical creatures in a mini 'zoo', for lack of a better word over the centuries.
It seemed straightforward enough. He was still working on the whole 'redemption' of his name, and this was another step in that endeavour. Something she just wanted to snort at. Malfoy was black to her white. There could be no turning of a new leaf for him in her mind.
The project took a few months. It was time strenuous due to the wide and exotic array of creatures on the property and that some of the closest appropriate habitats and sanctuaries were in other countries.
She got to know Draco Malfoy in that period, the snarky and moody Slytherin. He was selfish. He was sarcastic. He brooded. He was possessive. He was jealous. He was vindictive to those he considered enemies. Cold and distant. And yet, he was kind to those closest to him. He was loyal. He was generous to loved ones. He was funny. He was smart as a whip. Passionate about his interest or people. Fiery and protective. He was a contradiction.
But, It was the things that happened after those months that would have her learn quite a few lessons.
She realised there was grey.
Ron proposed finally after years together. And she didn't feel the excitement she was supposed to. Sure, he had matured, but he was also still Ron. They still only had Harry in common. Suddenly she realised that perhaps, he was too light for her. Perhaps she wasn't so light herself. Could there be something else beyond light and dark?
So she broke up with Ron, taking full blame for the relationship break down.
And she wasn't heartbroken.
But it left her with questions. Why wasn't she feeling what she was expected to feel? Why did she continue thinking of Draco Malfoy even after project completion? Why did she wonder so about him?
So she decided to explore her newfound curiosity regarding shades of grey.
The next time they met was another year after the project was complete and her break up from Ron. This time it was she walking into his home office.
She requesting help.
She wanted out of the Ministry. But, she was stuck in a contract that would keep her there till age fifty. And he had the connections that might get her out. That same shift and tension happened in the atmosphere around them, this time she was ready to explore that energy. Question it.
They spent more and more time together. Discussions becoming deeper. Darker. The kind of things she never shared with anyone.
The problem though that she had started to experience was that she had become quite infatuated with the Malfoy heir. She wasn't ready to step away yet. It seemed mutual though.
Her eyes would always be on him. Their bodies always revolving around each other. As if they rotated around the same centre of gravity. Something pulling them always making sure they were close and aware. Never further than the eye could see when they were somewhere at the same time. Even when they refrained from speaking and giving any indication of their evolving relationship in public. It would be taboo after all.
The day they gave in, it was all-consuming. It was rough and passionate. And she loved it. And once they started, they couldn't stop. They would floo into the others' room at all hours to take what they wanted. What they needed. Neither ever said no. She became consumed with all that was him.
More traits in her personality came out that she didn't know existed. She was possessive and jealous. Vengeful. She wanted him for herself. She needed him. Maybe she had always had these traits, and just never felt strong enough for someone to have them show themselves, beyond a few mediocre scenarios during school. All she knew was that she couldn't let him go. He was hers now. They revolved around each other.
It took a few months, but obviously, the brilliant and ancient-magics-knowledgeable Draco Malfoy found it. She merely needed to enter a magical contract that was superior to the one with the Ministry and make sure that the new contract specified she not be employed by the Ministry henceforth. Ever. The only contract superior was the ancient marriage contracts that no one used anymore. A permanent marriage contract, sealed with blood.
To her it was providence. She wanted him to herself. Forever. And maybe this could be the way. They would have to face the world that would see them as something forbidden. His parents would probably keel over with the news. Her friends would also be quite angry… But she'd manage them.
This was perfect. They were both grey. They were perfect together.
He didn't want to do it. He didn't want to get married. Didn't want to have kids. And definitely didn't want to get married with a contract that would never allow for separation. Their fight was the worst they had ever had. A lot of yelling. Throwing things. The sex that followed from that was the best they ever had.
And that set their relationship tone for the next seven years. She still worked at the Ministry, due to lack of a more superior contract. They were both exceedingly possessive of the other. They thrived with their fights and impassioned lovemaking. She'd bring up the marriage once a year and he would decline. They would fight and then have sex. They could not go a single day without seeing the other. Flimsy excuses for visits at their respective offices. Midnightly floo's to fall in bed with one another. Bodies always turned to each other with eyes following from the corners at public places. They still kept their high strung relationship secret. But everyone knew of it. It blew over while all waited for the day they would realise it was an open secret that everyone had long since accepted.
Sometimes they would go on 'dates' with other people, but it is always for the sole reason of making the other jealous. It worked every time. And reminded both of them that their relationship was in the realms of grey itself. No assurances on what exactly they were. Yet, they thrived.
She faced the fact long ago that most people would term them 'toxic' and even 'codependent' on the other. But it worked for them.
Until it didn't anymore.
He was the one that realised something had to give. He was adamant that he didn't want to get married and father children, but he also knew that they couldn't not go somewhere from where they had been for seven years already. So, he got it in his brilliant mind that he had to 'leave'. That they had to be cut off from each other cold turkey. That it was the only way they could detox from the addiction that was their fuckedup relationship.
He left her.
Right there in the restaurant where he met her for dinner. A small cosy restaurant that they liked to frequent for its privacy.
He left her. He slid out of the booth seat as the glass shattered in her hand on the white tablecloth. He froze for a moment, seeming on the brink to check her hand for potential injuries but then he turned and walked away. He had always been very protective of her. But that night he left.
Mascara running down her cheeks as she just stared out in front of her. Frozen in time.
They had a turbulent relationship, but they had never actually left each other. Never said the words. Ever.
He left her.
Now
The world moved on. It still spun for everyone. Everyone but her. She was forty now. Celebrating her birthday alone in their restaurant. The same booth. The one in the corner that they always used. Now it was the corner booth that she haunted. Eight years later, yet she was still living in those seven years they were together. Time moved on for everyone, but not her.
He was the one. He was It. No one could ever break her from the addiction that he had been. She didn't want to break from him.
When he left, her centre of gravity got destroyed, she stood still now. Captured in time. So she stayed here. Still in the restaurant. Stayed here forever, right where he left her.