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Time passed mercilessly, as it did, and Max marched into the tall grass and hot sun with ice creams in both hands.
The school made way for the long break and he was ready to dominate the world as he knew it. But, first, he needed to bribe Tul out from his room and away from his stack of books, and go out to play with him in the forest. He was going to catch a bug today--the biggest one--and bragged about it to his other friends when school started again. Because not anyone could catch the biggest bug in the forest but Max. And then, he would be the coolest eight-year-old in the neighbourhood.
He walked inside the compound that had become familiar to his heart and rounded up the corner where he knew that he would find an open window with Tul behind the wooden frame. He smiled, wide and full as his feet brought him to a stop. It was like a fast-coming tide chasing after him as his feet dropped onto the shore and the warm water brushed against his ankles at midday. Tul’s frown greeted him as Max shadowed him from the sun. There was a satisfaction there that he couldn’t tell from the way a smile gradually crept on Tul’s face.
It felt weird as if the entire universe had encompassed into a single being--that was taking the form of his best friend, Tul Pakorn. Perhaps he didn’t mind, at all, if Tul became the entire universe because Tul knew about everything there is to know.
“What do you want?” Any bite to those words came off too weak on his tongue.
Max shove the ice cream to him, a grin came out as a silent prompt for Tul to say yes. Brunette waves fell over his eyes as he tilted his head and sighed, and placed the book on the table, closed between the recognisable flimsy paper bookmark--the one with the cat drawing Max had gotten for him last month. He eyed the ice cream suspiciously, already melting under the hot sun. He was tempted, Max noted. The hot weather and the trickle of sweat on Tul’s forehead were doing his job for him.
Tul took the ice cream, nonetheless.
“Let’s play,” Max said after Tul finished the bait he’d generously provided.
“I’m studying.”
“Come on, school isn’t going to start in like...for a long time,” Max whined. “Help me catch a bug. P’Nui said she saw a big one in the forest yesterday.”
Tul frowned, disgust visible around the corner of his lips, and it looked suspiciously like the beginning of a pout. “Bugs are gross.”
“Come on,” he whined. “It will get away if we dawdle longer. You already took the ice cream.”
Tul sighed as Max motioned him to follow along. He knew Tul would not agree to help him catching the biggest bug ever, but at least, Tul would see him catching the bug and he would have a living witness to tell his glory. They ventured into the forest, hand-in-hand, with the butterfly net taken from Tul’s garage. Max led the way, eyes scanning at every tree they walked past, not missing anything from sight while Tul trailed behind him, bored as he sighed for every five seconds.
“This is stupid,” Tul groaned.
“Don’t try to latch onto my fame later.”
There were faint rustles in the bushes behind them and Tul jumped with a soft gasp that was barely audible over the crunch of their steps and hid behind Max--which he laughed and teased his friend for being a coward. Max's eyes zeroed in on something sticking to a nearby tree and he hushed Tul for silence. He took a silent large step closer and saw something whirring on the trunk, flitting unaware of the imposing fate nearing him. The bug was big--like his sister said--it was bigger than his hand.
Tul stood frozen behind him as Max carefully trod the path, net ready in his hand. Time was mercilessly slow, thick, and his heart was beating loud in his ears. This was the most nerve-wracking moment of his tiny life. But he needed this chance before it slipped through his grasp. So, he boldly swiped the net against the trunk, over what he hoped for was where the bug had landed.
“Gotcha!”
Behind him, Tul made a disgusted noise and warned Max to stay away from him. Max was gruntled as he looked down at the creature--trapped in the white mesh. A slippery satisfaction windowed on his face and he savoured those tiny seconds of pride weighing on his chest, like when he stood tall on a big rock by the shore, with the wave crashing by, and a towel tied carelessly around his neck into a makeshift cape.
Little nothings of ‘good job, Maxi’, ‘don’t come closer’, and ‘can we go now’ cascading from Tul’s lips while keeping a good distance away from his big achievement--the bug visible from the window of the mesh. His best friend was having a staring contest with his proudest catch. Max took a step closer.
“Come and see it,” he demanded, holding the net out for Tul. The bug inside moved around, trying to find an opening for escape and Tul shrieked and added more distance between them.
“No,” Tul said, keeping a close watch at the object of his terror.
And, the next impulsive thing that Max did earned him a deafening scream and a murderous hug from his best friend. Tul ran a circle before hiding behind Max when the bug flew towards him as if he was the ruffian responsible for his entrapment. The tight grip on his shoulder hurt but his stomach hurt more from the laughter because of his little teasing.
“Wha--why did you do that?” was all Tul said after the tremble on his body went away. The corner of his eyes was glistening with unshed tears. It packed a punch to Max’s gut.
Tul was probably the strongest person he knew and Max envied him for it, sometimes, on some days where he couldn’t stop his tears from falling when animals are dying on the TV. It wasn’t real, he knew but his brain didn’t believe him. Tul, red-eyed and bitten lips, and holding on so strong, handed him a tissue and patted his back with a comforting touch. Still, he couldn’t quite bring himself to watch Tul misty-eyed.
So, he patted Tul’s head like what he would do for Max--twice to stop the sobbing cry, and twice more to get his eyes on him, and twice to make him smile. Max offered his apologies, and said, “I don’t want it to live trapped in a cage.”
Tul wiped the last strand of his tears away. “You’re weird.”
Max shrugged, leading Tul away from the spot, Tul’s hand fit in his, and they walked to the nearest convenience store. He would buy Tul the biggest ice cream in the shop. “I have caught it, and that’s enough. The biggest bug in the forest has to live freely and proudly so that everyone knows about him and that only Max Nattapol has caught it.”
“But, now others can catch it too, you know?”
He grinned, loud and vibrating, as the wind blew past them, pushing the hair out of their face. “I’ll put my trust in him. Because we have made a deal.”
Tul laughed but he said nothing more. They brought their ice cream with Tul protesting over Max's choice for the biggest size available before they walked down the path to Tul’s house. He danced with the clouds while walking with Tul in hand, and the smile on Tul’s face was worth fighting for an eternity and beyond.
With the world in front of his eyes, Max knew that the bug would be better flying in the vast blue. Like how, at this moment, Tul looked adamantine under the bright blue sky.
In the corner of the room, an old butterfly net leaned against the wall, and the fond past of a bug making a temporary home inside the mesh flashed in his mind. He was eight when they prowled around the forest for bugs and now he was packing his stuff for university. Max watched Tul as he picked up the net and laughed over the faint shadow of a bug in his memory.
Life passed on at a terrifying pace and after all this time, Tul was still unshackled, waiting at the trunk with fluttering wings.
Over the years, they grew, they changed, and they met other people along the journey. They became adults and their path started to become rigid, more structured, and more focused. Max and Tul had changed but they also stayed the same. Because nothing stayed forever. Like blazing fire, the closer you got, the hotter you felt. Like his feelings, as he grew older and wiser, they became more corporeal and heft.
Things were different now, but they were still the same person.
And, everything hit him all at once, like a hammer shattering the glass wall looming in front of him. The realisation handed to him on a silver platter: that he was in love with his best friend, that he was deeply falling for Tul Pakorn, that growing up had him infatuated with the person he once said could be his universe. Growing up had only intensified said feeling, establishing deep in his whole being, and he was helpless to the change inside of him.
He walked behind Tul, arms circling the steady frame that had been beside him for as long as he could remember.
“Gotcha.”
And, the person in his arms laughed, peering over his shoulder and Max met the crescent-shaped eyes that were worth fighting for an eternity and beyond.
“Tul,” he said, whispered, and everything felt right with Tul safely tucked in his arms--always did. They swayed to the silent melody, to the beating of two hearts melded together, dancing to a synchronised waltz. “I love you.”
Time slowed down, always, at times like this, where he bared his soul and his universe near. He breathed heavily, his heart on the verge of combusting, exploding with all the love and adoration in the world, right here. Tul has his mouth parted in surprise before fond eyes and a loving smile took up the expanse of his expression. Tul’s eyes crinkled at the corners. He leaned in, swiftly for a kiss, teasing like how he liked to do when Max got sentimental.
“What’s got into you?” Tul said, soft, kissing him again softly, lingering this time.
“I just feel like saying it.” Max grinned, holding his universe tighter, secure and close.
Tul chuckled at that, and it was the prettiest sound ever--still. The silence stayed longer, and Max closed his eyes, inhaling the sweet vanilla that washed over him like the wave of the ocean, calming and reverberating.
“Kiss me,” Tul breathed out, head leaning on Max’s shoulder, eyes glittering like the end of the horizon at midday, and Max did, kiss him. The sound of the cicada was loud in the summer heat, like when they were eight, chasing bugs in the forest. And nothing ever felt as comfortable as slipping back into place.
Because Tul was his universe and he would always gravitate towards him.
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