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Hajime would maintain that he had never meant to upset Oikawa. Sure, it was slightly out of character for him in the first place, but he didn’t think it was completely unexpected.
It was a quiet Friday night. They had been cuddling together on the couch watching a movie in the semi-darkness of the warm room. Oikawa had just gone to the kitchen to get more snacks. The night had been comfortable, intimate as it hasn’t been for awhile now with how busy they had been recently.
There was a time when his younger self thought that he’d be out painting the town red when he got older and shook off the shackles of strict parental supervision. Then he got older and gained that freedom, and all that happened was that he got tired all the time and chose to become couch potatoes with Oikawa instead. His younger self would probably be disgusted at how boring he had gotten.
So maybe the languor of the night lowered his inhibitions but as Hajime lounged on the couch by himself, he thought of something he had been mulling over for a while.
Thus, when Oikawa came back and they had settled back down, he’d said it; Oikawa had reacted. Explosively.
Hajime has regrets.
“I can’t believe you! How could- how could you! After all these years? Don’t you care?” Oikawa catapults off the couch, his voice rising in an offended shriek.
Hajime scrambles to right himself. He had been leaning into Oikawa’s chest right before being ousted abruptly from that warm embrace.
“Wait, Oikawa. Tooru- stop, listen! Hey-” Hajime reaches out and tries to catch one of Oikawa’s hands. Oikawa steps back out of range, his hands are balled into tight fists. “-come on, hey listen to me! Look, think about what-”
Oikawa ignores him, “-who are they. I’ll kill that cocksucking bastard, how dare they! That thieving, boyfriend stealing bitch!”
“Hey don’t say that!”
Oikawa halts and Hajime immediately knows it is the wrong thing to say when Oikawa’s face twists in fury. But he cannot condone anyone saying that--even if it were Oikawa. Especially if it were Oikawa.
“ Are you defending them?!”
“No- just, let me speak-”
“I think you’ve said enough!” Oikawa spits out, whirling around to fix Hajime with an enraged glare. Hajime would have taken a moment to marvel at how absurdly the situation has escalated if Oikawa’s eyes aren’t wide and shiny with unshed tears. Hajime’s heart clenches painfully. He hates seeing Oikawa like that.
“I-” Hajime breaks off and grabs at Oikawa when the other boy makes for the door. “Hey where are you going? It’s late. Tooru!”
“Don’t touch me!” Oikawa shakes him off roughly. Then viciously, lowly, “you don’t have to wait till we break up, feel free to go back to your ex now, Iwaizumi. ”
Hajime freezes at the harsh hiss of his last name as the door slams in his face. The syllables bounce around in his head, i-wa-i-zu-mi. He never wants to hear his name said like that again.
He debates giving chase, but decides against it when he remembers Oikawa’s propensity to lash out when hurt. It’s rare that Hajime is the cause of the distress, but Oikawa always goes too far during those times, spewing venom designed specifically to inflict the same pain on Hajime in retaliation. While Hajime can rationalise (later) that Oikawa did not mean it, the resulting guilt often sends Oikawa into a tailspin. And Hajime does not want to deal with a week of self-destructing-sad-eyed Tooru, thank you very much.
Sometimes, Hajime thinks wryly, being each other’s closest person just means that they have the best ammunition to hit the other where it hurts the most.
Hajime wants to laugh, Hajime wants to cry. He had expected dramatics, but not to this extent. He turns away from the door, surveying the room, the teal cushion on their ugly carpet which had been tossed off their couch in their earlier scuffle.
A cold draft swirls in the room from the slammed door.
Hajime shudders.
“I was joking, you idiot…”
***
The steely tone Hanamaki greets Hajime with when he calls around to track Oikawa down triggers warning bells. What has he heard?
“Iwaizumi.”
Hajime flinches at the unwelcoming utterance of his name.
“Is Oikawa there?”
There is silence over the line, then, “... You don’t have an ex.”
Hajime sighs, at least someone remembered. “No, I don’t.”
“Of course you don’t, and even if you did, if you broke up with Oikawa, then he’d be- oh, oh! Iwaizumi Hajime, you did not. ”
Hajime grimaces when he realises what Hanamaki has clued in on. Shame claws a cold line down his spine. How could he have sunk so low?
Hanamaki is laughing now, “well imagine how confused I was when I got a text from Matsukawa saying that our dear Oikawa is at his place being a sad sack-”
“Is he okay?” Hajime interrupts, frowning.
“Don’t interrupt, that’s rude. And I said he was a sad sack, weren’t you listening?” Hajime rolls his eyes at Hanamaki’s lecturing tone and waits for him to continue.
“And that the only piece of info Matsukawa can get out of him was that you plan to break up with him and go back to your ex. I was going to tear you a piece, as bros do, you know because what the hell man you can’t just sink the ship like that-
He speaks over Hajime’s mutinuous mutter of “ what ship, get to the point. ”
“-and I was still gonna when I picked up the phone, but then I realised-”
“I don’t have an ex.”
“Wow, interrupting again. No wonder Oikawa calls you a caveman, where are your manners?” Hanamaki tsks but continues obligingly when Hajime growls. “Yes, you have been stupid about Oikawa since day one. How can there be anyone else? So I guess Oikawa didn’t take it very well?”
“He didn’t.” The admission came out like a whimper. Hajime recalls everything that has led up to this moment and laments his life choices. He tells Hanamaki everything, from what he was trying to do, to how Oikawa had stormed out.
The situation is utterly stupid and their friends are going to hold this over their heads forever. It wasn’t meant to be that upsetting. Hajime even thought that it might be cute , and it seemed like the kind of thing Oikawa would like, once he gets the prank of course. He wasn’t meant to blow up like that. Hajime just thought, well it doesn’t matter what he thought now with how badly his stunt backfired.
Again, in his defense, it was meant to be funny .
Hanamaki certainly thought it was, judging by the increasingly hysterical guffaws on the other end of the phone.
“You guys- oh Oikawa hahaha- are so stupid! I'd expect this from Oikawa, but not you! What were you playing at?” Hanamaki snickers down the phone. “I can’t believe you guys, oh wait, I can- hah!- it’s so typical of you two. I can’t wait to tell Matsukawa!”
“Yeah, yeah, glad I made your day,” Hajime deadpans, rolling his eyes at Hanamaki’s mirthful you did! Best thing I heard all year!
Then quietly, “He wasn’t meant to react like that. How could he think, after all this time, doesn’t he- doesn’t he believe- do you think I’ve just not loved him enough? I’m not just going to go to anyone else. I can’t , there’s no one else for me.”
Hajime cannot believe the words spilling out of him. He would like to think that he’s usually more reserved about things like that, but Oikawa’s anguish had gotten to him too. He is meant to protect Oikawa and he’s gone and done the opposite this time. Guilt and a burgeoning sense of failure curls achingly in his heart.
There is a pause on the other end of the line and Hanamaki says slowly, “wow, I wanted to make fun of that spiel--I got goosebumps eeurgh--but you sound like such a sad sack too I couldn’t.”
Hajime snorts and Hanamaki pretends not to hear him. “Iwaizumi, you listen carefully because I’ll only be this sappy once too. Oikawa knows. Of course he knows how much you love him. How could he not? But you know how he is. He will always second guess every good thing that happens to him. Give him time, I’m sure he will freak out once he realised how much he had overreacted.”
Hajime scrubs a weary hand through his hair. “Look, can you just let Matsukawa know to take care of Oikawa for me? Don’t let him do anything stupid. I will go by tomorrow morning to get him.”
He puts the phone down to Hanamaki’s cheeky yessir and heads into the kitchen, rolling his sleeves up as he goes. Time to start making amends.
***
Hajime turns up at Matsukawa’s place a little before 9 in the morning, a loaf of freshly baked milk bread meant for appeasement cradled in his arms.
He knocks on the door and stifles a snicker when there’s a shuffle of fabric, a painful sounding thump and a whining voice.
“Mattsun! There’s someone at the door! Wait, oh no what if it’s Iwa-ch- Iwaizumi- if it’s him tell him I don’t want to see him!”
Irrational anger rises up in Hajime. Tossing and turning on the too-big, too-cold bed all night last night has brought some clarity to the situation. Firstly, it was his fault for doing something so dumb to start with, but secondly, secondly! How is Oikawa still doubting him, second guessing their relationship? He had intended to apologise first, and then explain his actions but if Oikawa is going to keep being a dumbass then he will make his boyfriend see the truth today.
Footsteps rapidly approach the door and it swings open to reveal a sleep-ruffled Matsukawa. He looks Hajime over. Hajime meets his eyes steadily but he only yawns and intones, “ugh you are too early, now go take the princess, and leave .”
Then he steps aside to Oikawa’s affronted squawk of et tu Mattsun? and Hajime strides in, cinching an arm around Oikawa’s waist before he can escape and pulls him down on the couch he was sleeping on. It is still covered in the mussed up blankets, and retains the residual warmth from Oikawa’s body. Behind them, Matsukawa disappears into his own room with a flippant ‘close the door when you leave’.
Oikawa’s expression is carefully blank when Hajime faces him again. “So how was last night with your ex? Although I guess they must be your boyfriend now huh? Or girlfriend? You don’t even have the decency to break up with me first huh...”
Tears start spilling down Oikawa’s cheeks as he rambles on, getting softer and softer until he trails off towards the end.
Hajime looks up briefly in a silent plea for strength, thinks I chose this, I walked into this with my eyes wide open and I chose this, and claps his hands none-too-gently on either side of Oikawa’s ruddy cheeks.
Oikawa startles and meets Hajime’s eyes in an indignant glare, but Hajime squeezes his face before he can say anything and tells him, “you idiot. You dumbass, you absolute walnut.”
“Iwai-”
“No.” Hajime cuts in before Oikawa can fill the space where his lovingly bestowed nickname should be with another venom dipped word. He leans in close so that his forehead is touching Oikawa’s and hears the other boy suck in a breath.
“Answer me Tooru, what are you if--and that’s a big if , the hugest ever-- if we broke up?”
“So you do want to break up with me!” Oikawa rears back out of his hands. Hajime grabs his arms and pins him in place. Oikawa struggles, but Hajime has always been the stronger one out of the two of them and manages to hold him in place.
“No! Not at all!” Hajime snaps. He suspects that they will look back at this situation in time and laugh about how dumb they’ve been. Right now, it’s just really ridiculous and he’s so done with this shitshow.
“Then! I don’t know why you are doing this. Just go back to your ex!” Oikawa pushes against him.
“Yeah I will, and I will go back to you, you dramatic donkey!” Oikawa stops flailing, staring at him wide eyed and Hajime huffs.
“Because you will be my ex if I broke up with you!”
There is a long pause as Oikawa digests this, and he sags against Hajime when it all clicks.
“Oh.”
“Yes, oh. ”
***
Oikawa watches the prank video Hajime had prepared for him with all the grace of a running ostrich, that is to say, none at all. Oikawa’s eyebrows rise when he sees the title of the video: IF WE BREAK UP I’M GOING BACK TO MY EX PRANK. Then his expressions oscillate between vindicated indignance and face burning embarrassment when he is reminded again of how much he had overreacted.
Oikawa is quiet when the video ends and Hajime waits for him.
“Iwa-chan, whyever would you do a dumb prank like that? Are you an idiot?” Oikawa finally says mockingly. Hajime just stares at him. His ears are still pink and Hajime can tell that he is just trying to alleviate his own embarrassment by elevating himself over Hajime. So Hajime pulls him down. Figuratively and literally.
He flops down backwards on the couch and yanks at Oikawa until he is situated on his chest. He holds Oikawa’s head close, carding his hands through the fluffy brown strands.
“ You fell for it hook, line and sinker. Who’s the idiot here?”
Oikawa snakes his arms around Hajime, hands clenching tight on his shirt. Hajime would chastise him for wrinkling the material, usually, but he’s missed this closeness too much to care.
“You are.” Then softer, into Hajime’s chest, “I really thought you were going to break up with me.”
“Tooru.”
“I know, Iwa-chan. I swear I know. I just thought, I just thought. Well what if you got tired of me, or- or know you’ve had better or something?” There are sniffles and Hajime feels moisture seep in through his clothes. He hugs Oikawa tighter to him as Oikawa says, “I just want you to be happy, and if you are happier away from me then, then I’d rather Hajime lea- leave...” Oikawa starts choking on the tears and stops.
Fondness and adoration reverberates in his chest and Hajime curls up tighter, gathering his boyfriend closer in his arms. I love you i love you i love you runs through his head like a mantra . Then, a low throbbing starts up, warring for space in his heart alongside the love. Hajime’s heart aches for a boy whose confidence is only a paper castle, impressive looking but doesn’t stand up to test.
Hajime would never understand the dichotomy of Oikawa Tooru. How can someone be so brilliant, so strong and so amazing, but not believe that he is so?
Hajime resolves to build him up; support him when he can’t stand for himself until he believes in himself too. Until he knows he deserves only the very best.
“You will never get rid of me.” Hajime says instead of word-vomiting the garbled mess in his chest. “I will stick to you like a burr. Like white cat hair on black shirts. You’ll be stuck with me forever. Always. You’ll always have me. You hear me?”
Oikawa giggles in his arms, and the sound chases the heartache away, suffusing Hajime with a warmth he hadn't known he was missing until then.
“I hear you, Iwa-chan. Don’t worry, the Great Oikawa-san will stay with you too! Who knows how you’ll cope without me!”
“Quite well I’m sure.”
“Mean! And oh, Iwa-chan, I didn’t know that you watch those kind of videos. Does that mean you’ll do the other challenges with me too?”
“Not in a million years!”
Oikawa’s okay, they’ll be okay.
Hajime only squeezes Oikawa once and relaxes back onto the couch with Oikawa in his arms. They lounge there and let sleep take them.
***
“You know,” Hanamaki licks the little fork he had been using for his cake and wriggles it in Hajime’s direction. Hajime narrows his eyes at that very familiar mischief in his smirk. “I always thought that Oikawa would be the one leaning on you when you cuddle. Are you usually the little spoon too?”
They are having their usual meet up in a cafe a couple of days later and Hanamaki had leaned forward when they’d all settled in their seats. Beside him, Matsukawa is wearing a lazy shit-eating grin.
Hajime’s “what?” was drowned out by Oikawa’s chipper, “nooo Makki, we switch sometimes, this is an equal partnership!”
“Eew, I didn’t ask for details on your sex life Oikawa.”
“You!” Oikawa flushes before he recovers enough to declare loudly, “if you must know-! Ow Iwa-chan, why did you kick me?”
“We are in public, you idiot!” He hisses, then turns to the troublesome duo, “what’s going on? Why are your faces like that?”
“Why are our faces like what?” Matsukawa questions, raising a thick eyebrow in faux-confusion.
“Yeah, what are our faces like?” Hanamaki mimics, raising his corresponding eyebrow. It does not have the same effect as the hairy caterpillars passing as eyebrows on Matsukawa’s forehead.
“You two look like you are plotting something.” Hajime narrows his eyes at them. Oikawa nods emphatically beside him in agreement.
“Slander!” Matsukawa pounds his fist down on the table like an angry judge with their gavel.
“We are not plotting anything!” Hanamaki holds a hand to his chest as if offended. Hajime only glares at him harder and his grin stretches maniacally, “we’ve already plotted-”
“Oi!”
“-but we digress, you two should look at this.”
Hanamaki slides his phone smoothly across the table and unlocks the screen to display the video he has brought up.
Hajime and Oikawa lean forward at the same time to peer at the screen. Then they swear simultaneously when they see the caption:
IDIOTS DO THE ‘IF WE BREAK UP I’M GOING BACK TO MY EX PRANK’ - EMBARRASSING BACKFIRE
They see themselves sprawled out on each other on the couch in the tiny thumbnail of the video, the perfect calm before the storm. There are already a couple hundred thousand views and climbing in front of their horrified eyes.
Hanamaki whoops and Hajime and Oikawa drag their gazes away from the screen to meet their friends’ gleeful faces.
“Congratulations, you guys have gone viral!”