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Noé didn't like Jeanne. Which wasn’t fair to her, considering she had been nothing but kind to him (with the exception of their first meeting, of course.) She was a sweet girl, looking out for all those around her, and wishing them nothing but the best.
But that was the problem; she was simply too perfect. She was strong, pretty, and smart. She was confident, but also shy, cute, and sexy. She was the perfect concoction of everything anyone would want in a significant other.
It was no surprise that she managed to grab the attention of Vanitas.
Perhaps that was what he hated the most about her; she had Vanitas.
He didn’t.
She had him all to herself. And, really, there was nothing he could do about it. There was simply too much of a difference between them.
Where Noé was naive and gullible, she was confident and strong-willed. She had pale skin, he was tan. She had round eyes, his were narrow. She blushed easy, while Noé could barely even discern his emotions properly.
God, he wanted to hate her, wanted to be selfish enough to believe that she didn’t deserve him, to want to snatch Vanitas from her. But he was weak. He couldn’t even find it in himself to really dislike the girl.
He was pathetic, falling in love with someone who he didn’t even like. Hell, who didn’t even like him. Their relationship could easily have been watered down to a strictly business relationship, and neither of them would really bat an eye.
He was nothing to Vanitas compared to Jeanne.
Vanitas only wanted him to tag along on his journey because he wanted Noé’s vampire-strength to defend him, yet that was just another thing Jeanne was better at than him. She was the hellfire witch.
Noé was just Noé Archiviste. The sole survivor of a wiped out clan.
Could his situation be any less infuriating?
Why did he have to fall in love with the one guy he couldn’t stand? How was it even possible to be in love with someone you didn’t even like? He must be the only person in history to be that foolish.
He hated Jeanne, and he hated Vanitas. The longer he thought about them, the more that hatred grew. It started to feel like he was in a cage, trapped against bars, stuck and unable to escape.
But it was worse when he saw them being lovey-dovey together. God, he wanted to throw up. They were disgusting, all giggles and blushes and staring at each other with so much adoration in their eyes.
He was getting sick.
Sighing, Noé pushed his chair away from the table and got up, heading out to find someplace else to pity himself. He felt his eyebrow tick when he heard their annoying laughter even out in the halls, and he resisted the urge to walk back in there and swing at them both.
That would not be a good situation to find himself in.
Noé swung open the doors of the Oriflamme manor, and scaled the walls until he found himself sitting on the roof.
He remembered the time he and Vanitas were up here together, how they got to know each other slightly better, how Vanitas looked with the sun shining behind him.
He came here to relax and unwind, but now he found himself to be getting even more bothered. The sunset and overall setting was just too similar, and right now, Noé wished for nothing more than to forget that Vanitas even existed. He wished for nothing more than to forget, forget everything. Forget Jeanne, forget Vaniats, forget his feelings for Vanitas, and forget his hatred for both of them.
And, more than anything, he wanted to forget this fear of Jeanne taking his place. He didn’t want her to replace him, and the more time he spent being around her, the more anxious he got.
Was he not needed? Was he just being used as a scapegoat? Would Vanitas replace him with Jeanne? Did Vanitas even need him? Did anyone really need him?
Noé didn’t know the answer to any of these questions, and it hurt him to realize that he was so unsure of himself, of where he belonged in the world.
He never really belonged anywhere, now that he thought about it. He used to think he belonged dwelling amongst the humans in their world, but then the old man and old lady died, leaving him alone. Then his master took him in, and he thought he belonged there, with his master and Louis and Dominique, living happily as children forever.
The world was quick to make sure he didn’t get too comfortable there.
And now he found himself in this situation, being stuck with someone he hated and yet simultaneously finding himself drawn to him and his secrets. It took a while for him to realize what that emotion was, but he now knew the truth; despite everything, he was in love with Vanitas.
He hated him, hated everything about him, but even so, he wanted to stay by his side. The world was cruel, and would continue to be cruel to him, it seemed.
Just as he was getting comfortable with his current situation, he was suddenly getting replaced by some woman who didn’t even need to do anything to grab Vanitas’s attention.
It hurt, it hurt so much, and Noé was angry with himself for letting it hurt. Why should he care? Why was he allowing himself to be swept away by such emotions? It made no sense, and it just bothered him more and more. Everything about this situation was plain stupid.
Noé was losing his mind.
It seemed like he would never catch a break. All that was left for him was, simply put, to give up.
He never had a chance with Vanitas to begin with, and now with Jeanne coming into the picture, he would never have a chance, either.
It was better this way, he tried to convince himself. I can move on from him and get on with my life.
It was a simple task, one that should have had an easy execution.
Unfortunately for Noé, nothing seemed to be easy for him anymore.
Who was he kidding? Give up on Vanitas? Noé might be naive, but he wasn’t stupid enough to pretend that he could simply wish away his feelings, no matter how hard he may try. He sighed, and leaned back on his arms as he squinted against the sun glaring down on him. It was a beautiful sight to behold, the skyline above stuck between dusk and evening, painting the stars above with a sheen of purple and various shades of blue.
It reminded Noé of the blue moon he had witnessed not too long ago with Vanitas. It had felt surreal to see the moon colored so distinctly up close, and, not for the first time, it left him at a complete loss of words.
Being with Vanitas felt like that, sometimes. It felt they were the only two people in the world, like they completed each other, as cliche as that may be.
And, if he were being honest, Noé was wholeheartedly willing to put his life on hold to love him.
But he also knew that, in order for himself to be loved, he would have to change.
The question now stood, was he willing to go to such drastic measures for Vanitas?
Noé didn’t know. And that, be it as it may, was telling enough.