Work Text:
“I can’t believe my brother is a celebrity.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes, but not without a smile. It was his first day off this month and Junki had surprised him with a visit. So, even if the sight before him filled him with a multitude of feelings — not all positive — he was going to stay in a good mood.
“Geez, don’t you think I don’t turn many heads for such a hot shot celebrity?”
“Isn’t that what that huge scarf and the beanie are for? To conceal your identity?”
He was tempted to laugh at the proposition. He might have, had it not been for the fact that he’d bundled up like a gift because he just felt so cold these days. Winter wasn’t upon them yet, but Yoongi could feel the cold radiate from within him. From the harsh diet they’d maintained for the better part of the year, the gruelling work schedules, the throbbing twinge in his shoulder that had become too familiar, the increasingly dark thoughts that reverberated endlessly in his mind: his body felt worn and prone to the cold now, just on the edge of its breaking point.
Junki nudged him in the ribs and Yoongi’s smile waned. He didn’t want his parents to start begging him to come home again, to reroute his life. He could only avoid that by impressing his brother, by not giving him any room to think that Yoongi had grown too slim, or too withdrawn.
“You’re the biggest celebrity I know, you’re on television!”
“Not that often though.” The number of music show appearances was the most pressing in his mind. As well as a whole collage of memories of nearly every single member of the company working late to convince music broadcasts to have them on. “Anyway, the only thing about fame that would matter is that right there.”
Yoongi pointed at the white album before him. His brother had humoured him, following him into the music store near the dorms. Notebook in hand, Yoongi had noted down model numbers of equipment completely out of his budget. A private wishlist, something he could submit for business expenses once things became steadier for them as a group — if ever. But that had been minutes ago, and since he’d caught sight of the white cover and red lettering, he’d felt frozen in his tracks.
Junki picked up the first album in the row, flipping it over.
“I’ve been meaning to get a copy. I listened to it on Melon. It’s great.”
“Right,” Yoongi agreed easily. Because he had thought so. Because everyone had poured all of themselves into it. Because Namjoon, Hoseok and him had tortured themselves for hours on end writing for every track of the album. Because the goal had been to make something better than 2 Cool 4 Skool and then they’d all thought that they had. “Just need to convince everyone else of that.”
They thought they’d created something better, but they’d really ended up creating a smaller splash. Critics and music show broadcasts alike showing lukewarm reactions. The few chances they’d had on stage, the fans had chanted back loud and passionate, and that had been as great as it had been in the summer. Knowing that their art provoked such an intense reaction in those who liked it was always exhilarating.
The sales numbers weren’t comparable though. Those had casted a shadow of uncertainty over their future, which had yet to fade away.
“What’s your favourite song on here?”
By the time the album had been ready for release, every track had become the best version of itself possible. Yoongi loved each of them, found himself humming them under his breath throughout the day. He was proud, and that must have been what had wounded him the most in the underwhelming reception their work had received.
“The title song is really good, hyung. And we looked much better in the video compared to the ones before.”
Yoongi chuckled, a bit self-deprecating. Junki, however, only gave him a warm smile. Yoongi was surprised by how supported he felt. He rubbed the sole of his shoe against the linoleum, momentarily feeling repentant for fearing that Junki would tell on him.
“Even without your voice on it, I could have known that was your song,” he added with a fond smile. “You’ve been saying stuff like that since you were a middle schooler.”
Yoongi’s chuckling was more heartfelt this time. Perhaps the rebellious spirit of the release suited him well.
“I was still a great student,” Yoongi jested back.
“Because you had your hyung to show you how to get things done.” He stepped back, the album still in hand. “Alright, I’m getting this. Want me to get you something?”
Yoongi shook his head. Junki had paid for the train tickets, just for this small window of time with Yoongi, and surely wouldn’t let Yoongi anywhere near his wallet once they’d head out for lunch.
“No, it’s cool. Everything I want here is pricey, but I’ve been saving up. With my real adult job, I’ll get there in no time.”
They laugh together as they make their way over to the register, a private joke about their parents and how they’ve viewed Yoongi’s direction in life for the last three years.
They were barely out the door that Junki tore through the plastic wrap. Yoongi paused, not too keen on venturing out into the cold.
“Not surprised you turned out to be a celebrity, but the modeling bit is still a shock.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes, but any defences forming on his tongue were forgotten when his brother successfully flipped to his first spread in the photobook. They both bursted out laughing.
“Why am I holding the chain like that?”
“It looks like you’re about to choke yourself. And what’s with that expression?”
They huddled up close, puffs of breath drawing themselves in the air whenever they shared another fit of laughter. Yoongi even teared up at the sight of Jimin, who had lifted up his top just enough to flash his six pack to the photographer. He needed to bring that back up to Jimin.
More laughter at another series of Yoongi’s photos, the thick golden chains now replaced by a credit card hanging around Yoongi’s neck. Which, for some unfathomable reason now, Yoongi had chosen to pose with between his teeth.
“Ah, hyung ,” he whined meaningfully. “I told you we looked much cooler this time, why’d you have to open this in front of me?”
He reached over, flipping the page and feeling immediate relief when Hoseok’s images appeared instead. The sudden movement, however, sent the photocard wedged into those same pages twirling towards the pavement.
He crouched down, then straightened up with the photocard in hand.
“You guys had these this time?” Junki asked, attention piqued.
Yoongi had nearly forgotten about these, too. They hadn’t had individual member photocards for their debut. Not that these had had any apparent effect on sales.
He flipped the photocard over. It was Taehyung’s. Clad in their school uniform from the music video, the same they must have all been photographed in for these. He’d held up two “V” signs, eyes shut and smile nearly timid. It was a cute photo.
“Oh yeah, his parents are real nice,” Junki commented offhandedly, though his attention had returned to the photobook. Yoongi’s was on the photograph still.
Taehyung was special. Hadn’t known the first thing about hip hop when he’d first joined them in the dorms. Yet, had looked completely transfixed whenever Yoongi had rapped. He was the kind of person who wouldn’t have recommended the title to Junki. In fact, he would have probably recommended Cypher Pt. 1, even though he wasn’t on the track at all.
It was refreshing to have Taehyung around. While he wasn’t involved with the song writing process, he loved the songs they created sincerely. Having someone in the group that was that much of a fan of their music helped Yoongi keep pushing.
He pocketed the photocard.
“Have you seen them recently? It’s been a while since Taehyung and I took the train back together.”
As far as he’d known, their parents’ interactions were limited to seeing each other at the train station.
“Oh man, don’t remind me. It’s been more than a month, and they still keep bringing up Chuseok.”
“This came out the week before it,” Yoongi defended, pointing at the album accusatorially. Promotion period trumped Chuseok.
“You work too hard.”
Yoongi thought of Taehyung’s photo, tucked safely into his jacket’s pocket.
“Got to meet fans’ expectations.”
Got to earn that excited happiness that emanates from Taehyung whenever he hears a song Yoongi’s written and that he loves intensely.
A year later saw Yoongi buying another album at the same shop, black this time, sans brother.
In a year’s time, his mental wellbeing had skyrocketed with the success of their February release. That had lasted well into the early summer with the excitement of shooting in Los Angeles, of immersing the whole team in the kind of music he loved. The threads of his good moods had only started fraying then, wearing out under the building fatigue. Days of filming after sleepless nights in the studio they were renting out felt worthwhile though. He was fraying his edges so that his state of mind could shoot up meteorically afterwards.
Plus, his purchase was their first studio album. The best thing they’d done yet.
All of the company’s eggs in the one basket.
Everyone around them had been stressing that this needed to be their big break.
It had been a week since their promotions had come to an end. On the one hand, a huge relief to escape the choreography. No words came to Yoongi’s mind to describe it, but suffice to say that he hadn’t rehearsed half as much for previous numbers as he had for Danger. Admittedly, War of Hormone’s choreography hadn’t been too bad. On the other hand, there was nothing left keeping him from plunging head first into the darkest depths of his dark moods. He couldn’t hang onto the hope that the release was a late bloomer. With promotions concluded, he had to accept that they hadn’t done well.
Just like the year before, he stopped right outside the store and tore through the plastic wrapping without preamble.
The deepest cut had been that it was a great record. It was exactly the music he wanted to create. He didn’t know how much more he could push for this. It was probably time to start pleading with Bang PD for industry contacts. Maybe their nearly year and a half long run had been enough professional experience to make things easier for him out there. Maybe he was marketable now. More than their albums were, anyway.
His throat felt tight as he opened the black box, the magnetic band reminding him just how much of the album he did like — including its package design.
Last year, he’d been excited to join his brother for lunch. Tonight, pedestrians out and about were already sparse. He’d be heading back to the studio, for a few more hours of work.
The photobook was unavoidable, at the very top. The sight of it tugged his lips into a small smile, reminding him of his brother’s laughter as they’d stood in the very same spot. He was also reminded of the one photocard, stashed into his wallet even after so many months.
“Maybe I should flip a coin,” he mumbled to himself.
Thinking, if he pulled Taehyung’s card again, he would try again. Put his all into whatever else the company would allow them to release. If they still had a chance left, he was going to blow everyone away. If he didn’t pull Taehyung’s, he could start asking around about other work.
He knew it wasn’t really like flipping a coin at all, the odds not in the slightest comparable.
Nevertheless, he was happy and unsurprised to see Taehyung’s photocard. Taehyung had taken a bizarre pose and expression, a strange hybrid of aegyo and bedroom eyes. The styling was just as disjointed, the eyeliner — as thick as it had been on any other member — had paired well with the leather jacket, but not as well with the jersey-like top and the backwards cap.
The sight of him was a gentle reminder of Taehyung confidently declaring Hip Hop Phile as their best song of the record, and wishing out loud that everyone could take the time to listen to the full album. Because his favourite songs were always the B-side tracks.
Yoongi took a deep breath.
“Ok. One more try.”
“Just going to nap, I think.”
“Want me to get you something to eat?” Jimin replied, still lingering in Yoongi’s doorway.
Yoongi’s drawn out yawn might have been answer enough, but he still tried for a vocal response.
“Hyung’s good for now, Jimin. I think Hobi’s schedule is almost done, too. If you’re looking for a dinner buddy.”
Jimin hesitated. The same kind of hesitation that every member had worn throughout the year so far. Coloured by the underlying worry that Yoongi had returned to work full-time too hastily, only leaving his shoulder a couple of months of complete rest. Yoongi’s condition felt better than ever though, besides, he was careful not to overdo it. Hence his current ploy for some downtime.
“I’ll text you right before we get food anyway, just in case, ok?”
“Sure,” he called out as he finally shut the door.
He leaned back against it, a soft sigh escaping him. Finally .
He rushed to the other side of his bed, crouching low to the floor to escape the view should anyone unexpectedly open the door. He’d thought of requesting a lock for his room, but hadn’t wanted to arouse suspicions and questions. Secrets were best kept when one did not give others the impression that a secret was being kept at all.
He pushed his mattress upwards, slipping out the thick binder. The binder itself felt like an antiquity. And now he’d seen the kinds of circles online where it could sell for a small fortune. The Hip Hop Monsters felt like vestiges of their past. It had been over two years already since he’d last attended at a fansign, but he remembered well the surprise he felt whenever he saw a fan who had one of them as a decorative keychain.
In his opinion, the binder was perfect. Taehyung’s Hip Hop Monster was centre of the illustration, and always had him smiling fondly with its strong eyebrows and accentuated ears. So much like the real thing. It was a good hiding spot, too. If anyone stumbled upon it, Yoongi hoped they’d assume it was a binder forgotten from their early days. Maybe filled with song drafts.
Reality was much different.
The rush of elation was familiar as he flipped the binder open over his lap. He pulled out the guide sheets that he kept at the forefront of the binder. It had taken hours to create, but it was well worth it. Whenever he slipped a new card into place, he knew he wouldn’t need to pull it out and move it around again. It had found its perfect home in his binder, the perfect place to fit into.
There wasn’t any good reason that he kept the collection secret. And it wasn’t as if it was an obsession. Just something he did from time to time, whenever the urge struck him. Whenever he needed a boost while working on an upcoming release. Needed to delicately turn the pages and re-familiarize himself with Taehyung’s photocards. And then, for an extra boost, find a seller online for any photocards that he had accidentally missed in the past, and keep building on the collection.
That had been one comfort he’d needed to give up on when returning home for his shoulder. When he’d come back, however, arm still in a sling and finding it impossible to lift the mattress, he’d nearly broken down and asked Seokjin to fetch the binder for him. Thankfully, he’d held strong and the binder remained his secret to keep alone.
He flipped through the pages, smile widening as he reached this year’s fresh additions. He reached the divider in the binder, feeling his chest swell in satisfaction that he’d maintained the first portion of the binder in a fully completed state, despite all the releases they’d had this year already. The second portion of the binder was nice, too. A little less exhilarating because his face was sprinkled in there somewhat. The subunit portion of the album, every subunit photocard Taehyung had been a part of, which sadly included Yoongi. And marked Yoongi’s last missing card, right near the start of the section. It would probably be the most embarrassing one to get his hands on, since his face had still looked so young back then.
Then again, it included Taehyung’s face from back then. Right in the timeframe when he’d first accidentally started collecting his photocards.
“Just think of how liberating it’ll feel to have it fully completed...”
The self-encouragement was soft as he shut the binder, slipped it back into place, and hurried to pull his laptop from his work bag.
He hesitated by the bed, then took the seat at the desk. Better for his posture. Better for recovery. Took a deep breath, opened the incognito window, then pulled up all his usual purchasing websites.
There was no special reason that he pulled Twitter up first. Maybe because he’d had smooth successes over the last month. He supposed it made sense, their group account’s follower count certainly made it seem like there was the largest gathering of fans right there. A larger pool of buyers was bound to attract a larger selection of sellers.
He breathed yet another relaxed sigh once logged into his account, strictly dedicated to his hobby, “@HereToCollectV”. Honestly, it was a little empty. His only tweets were thank you messages to sellers for successful transactions. He’d never gotten around to uploading a header, but was satisfied with the Shooky profile picture. It was truly part of his safe space online, that and every other account he had over a variety of websites, specifically for photocard purchasing and trading.
He entered the keywords “taegi NOW pc” and hoped for the best. Their first trip in Thailand, all the way back in late 2013.
It was almost criminal how easy it was. He barely had to scroll at all to identify a panoply of sellers. The one photo he needed to complete his collection staring at him from so many different posts. The blue beanie he’d worn had looked ridiculous (and had in fact been Taehyung’s), and he’d nearly looked more like a child than Taehyung had. But the youthful sight of Taehyung filled him with the same drive to do better as it always had. That had been such a nice hair colour on Taehyung, not really brown, not really strawberry blonde. Just soft yet bright.
Typically, he would go after the seller who listed the highest price. Mostly because he felt guilty thinking of a genuine fan of theirs spending exuberant amounts of money on something like this. If he bought it first, no one else had to pay that much. He could only hope he wasn’t actually driving the market price upwards by responding to capricious monetary demands.
This time, however, his eyes were drawn to a tweet that, actually, hadn’t listed a price at all.
“DM if you want BTS NOW: BTS in Thailand TaeGi PC”
There were a fair number of likes, but no replies or follow-up to indicate that the photocard had since been purchased.
Perhaps their username and profile picture also had something to do with how quickly he settled on them: @daegushootingguard, with a headshot of Yoongi himself, which he couldn’t really recognize but made him look much more handsome than he ever imagined himself to be.
He sent them a direct message with the link to the initial sale tweet attached, straightforward.
[@HereToCollectV]
Is this still available? I’m interested.
He moved onto the next tab, ready to track down other potential sellers in case this first one fell through. Joonggonara was up next.
Before he could complete the keyword input though, a red notification circle appeared over his Twitter tab. He clicked back, surprised but pleased seeing the “1” over the envelope icon.
He clicked excitedly.
[@daegushootingguard]
I’ll trade you for a SUGA butterful event lucky draw pc.
He pressed his lips together in worry. It wasn’t unheard of, he’d bought other members’ cards before just in order to secure a trade for a photocard he desperately needed. It wasn’t really his preferred method though.
[@HereToCollectV]
I didn’t know you were looking for a trade, didn’t say so in the tweet.[@daegushootingguard]
I also didn’t list any $.
With a resigned sigh, he entered a few more keywords, checking up on the prices of his own photocard.
“Looks like I picked the right ARMY,” he mumbled to himself as he saw the prices consistently above a million won. He’d done well striking the iron while it was hot for Taehyung’s version of the same Butterful photocard. He hadn’t paid half as much.
He returned to the direct message thread.
[@HereToCollectV]
If I pay you 1.2M you can get your butterful suga pc from any current seller. Sound good?[@daegushootingguard]
I guess it’s fine, but I don’t really know you.[@HereToCollectV]
I don’t mind paying before it’s shipped, as long as you send me a video of the pc condition first. You can check my tweets, basically an archive of anyone I’ve bought from. You can follow up with any of them, never had a bad experience.
He sent off that last message with a satisfied grin. The card was basically secured now. His collection would be one hundred percent completed, perfect. It would be indescribably soothing to look at, to go through before bed, or whenever his stress levels spiked.
Then, the seller’s response came in.
[@daegushootingguard]
Didn’t mean that way.
How much do you like SUGA?
He frowned, thrown off guard by the demand. The fact that the seller insisted on spelling his stage name properly, all caps, seemed like a clue he needed to pick up on. He was clearly this fan’s bias, and it would do well for him to show that he cared about Yoongi as a member of BTS.
[@HereToCollectV]
Yeah I like SUGA loads.
He’s a good artist, great producer.
He chuckled a bit, surprised at how good that had felt to write down. The fan, however, did not seem as satisfied.
[@daegushootingguard]
And on a scale of one to ten how handsome would you say he is?[@HereToCollectV]
Yeah, he has his own charms.[@daegushootingguard]
And on the scale?[@HereToCollectV]
Not really into attributing a number to a person like, kind of seems objectifying. Hope that’s ok.
Maybe it hadn’t been; because minutes passed and still no answer came. Shrugging, Yoongi returned to the second tab. In his experience, others could definitely be distrustful online, but it was his first time being interrogated about how much he liked a seller’s favourite member.
Before managing to make contact with a second seller on Joonggonara, the red notification sign reeled him back to the Twitter thread tab.
[@daegushootingguard]
Ok. What about V?
Yoongi bit his tongue, resisted the urge to answer with a number this time, something like ten thousand out of ten, just to rile the seller up. He really wanted that photocard though.
[@HereToCollectV]
Incredible performer, heart of gold.[@daegushootingguard]
Huhm.
TBH? I’m getting rid of it because V kind of ruins it? I would cut it in two but I can’t save SUGA’s hand and get rid of V’s shoulder at the same time. So.
Also there’s literally no way for you to know that he has a heart of gold or not.
Gobsmacked. That was all Yoongi felt as he stared at the screen unblinkingly. That had not been a turn in the conversation he’d expected.
[@HereToCollectV]
You’re just messing with me, right?[@daegushootingguard]
No. I really do wonder why others like him that much.
That had never happened before. Hunting down Taehyung’s photocards had been his relaxing, safe haven, for quite some time already. And he had never encountered any kind of vitriol directed towards any of them. Of course not, he was out there interacting with ARMYs who were willing to spend more than a pretty penny to collect memories of the members.
His typing became more aggressive.
[@HereToCollectV]
So you’re not a fan of bts at all?[@daegushootingguard]
? I obviously run a SUGA fansite?[@HereToCollectV]
Nothing obvious about that. You’re not much of a suga fan if you’re going around saying nasty shit about the people he loves and love him the most.
Already angry, Yoongi clicked into the seller’s profile. He didn’t actually need to scroll further than the pinned tweet. He felt instantly arrested by its caption’s irony. Based on the watermark and the few words, Yoongi understood it to be a video edit of himself set to Blue & Grey.
Once his black AirPods in, video started, he confirmed as much. Thirty glorious seconds of nothing but his verse. Not the studio version, which could only mean their MTV Unplugged performance. Unfortunately, it was one of the better edits he’d seen, of anyone, really. The clips unique choices, blending one into the next without hiccough. Painting a picture that only someone who really understood what it was Yoongi was rapping about could.
His own voice rapped, There’s that sharp blue sheen shadow that devours me , and on the screen he saw himself breathing out a sigh before the hands surrounding him pushed him down. His Interlude: Shadow video. Though the tones of the clip looked bluer than the original earthy tones. He remembered that moment on set well, struggling to convey the right expression before being oppressed by the masses. Set in the video edit, it felt as if it had been perfect. That Yoongi had conveyed that feeling better than anyone else could have.
He played the edit once more. Maybe he could be a little gentler with the video editor then. Life must not have been that much of a walk in the park if they connected to this verse so strongly.
He clicked back. They hadn’t had a chance to reply with anything yet. Or perhaps they had but had opted to stay silent.
[@HereToCollectV]
You know without taehyung you couldn’t have made that video you have on your account. That verse wouldn’t exist at all.
The typing bubbles appeared immediately, as if the other had been hanging around, thinking of how to respond.
[@daegushootingguard]
Except he’s the kind of person who would write the perfect rap for any song. Doesn’t matter who helps write the song. Kind of irrelevant. This just illustrates his genius.[@HereToCollectV]
I feel sad for you. You’re missing out on loving a spectacular person.
And you’re not so good at loving either. When you love someone, you just have to see the good in the people that are supporting them and walking that road of life together with them.[@daegushootingguard]
Isn’t that a little dramatic? Isn’t he at best SUGA’s work colleague?
Yoongi exhaled, long and gruellingly slow, until his chest was completely deflated. There were multiple other sellers of the card. He didn’t have to put up with this. The wise thing to do was to block the user and move on. Yet, it felt criminal to leave it at that, to let them speak that cruelly and so matter-of-factly.
How could someone look like they grasped the emotional complexity that Taehyung had built Blue & Grey upon, and follow Yoongi’s career and decide that Yoongi felt nothing for the people who had shifted the course of his life so fully.
When it came to Taehyung specifically, Yoongi already knew that he had been the reason that Yoongi hadn’t given up before they’d even gotten their chance.
He sent off another message in a flurry of angry typing.
[@HereToCollectV]
Ok, be real. Did you steal that edit?
The stranger’s tone did a complete 180.
[@daegushootingguard]
Excuse me? I worked so hard on that.
Like yeah my friend helped me with the editing program, but that’s all from my heart.[@HereToCollectV]
Sounds like your friend probably knows at least one thing about suga, unlike you.[@daegushootingguard]
Just wanted to know why you liked V, it didn’t have to be this over the top.[@HereToCollectV]
And I just want to know why you don’t like him when he’s the whole reason there even is a BTS.
No instantaneous answer to that. Yoongi picked up his phone, and leaned more of his weight back into the gaming chair (purchased under Jungkook’s advice, who had been adamant that it would be better for Yoongi’s back).
His plan to relax for the evening had failed. He was just angry now. Angry enough to feel the beginnings of a headache. And just regretful enough that he was checking for Jimin’s message notifying him of dinner — nothing yet.
When he finally bothered to look back, he was surprised to find the user's answer. Short, but still surprising.
[@daegushootingguard]
You can have the pc, by the way.
Hunger, anger, forgotten. Yoongi straightened up, smile brilliant despite the circumstances.
His fingers hesitated over the keyboard. Did he really want to pay someone like that?
Then again, could he really leave the photocard with someone who’d thought of chopping Taehyung right out of the picture?
[@HereToCollectV]
Are you in Seoul? Do you want to meet in person to trade?[@daegushootingguard]
Why? Should I be scared that I’ll get jumped by an army of V fans?[@HereToCollectV]
So like an army of ARMYs? No. It’ll just be me.
Given you’ve admitted to almost taking the scissors to the pc. Might be better to check the condition in person.
Part of him hoped the seller would reject the idea.
What was his plan anyway? Show up, then what? Then the person would go around claiming they’d basically met on a date with Yoongi? Or they revealed that Yoongi, bizarrely, spent his time buying photocards online?
He could say the account belonged to someone else. A friend’s daughter? That Yoongi had only shown up to teach them a lesson? To show that every word he’d written had been spot on? That any fan of his was nothing to him at all if they didn’t love Taehyung the same way.
He would figure it out. For now, he couldn’t shake off the sense of satisfaction he was predicting, for the person to hear it straight out of their idol’s mouth.
Resolute, he returned to the conversation.
[@daegushootingguard]
Want to meet at the HYBE Museum?
That would be convenient for Yoongi, however...
[@HereToCollectV]
You’re not a stalker, right?[@daegushootingguard]
And here I was thinking I could buy you something from the museum shop. To make it up to you. Wouldn’t you rather two pictures of V for the price of 1.2M?
But no I just work nearby.
Yoongi nodded to himself. The mention of work was good. At least he hadn’t gotten this worked up and angry at a child.
[@HereToCollectV]
Right, let’s set a time.
This was bad.
Stalling right outside the HYBE building, right by the Museum entrance — where most non-company related visitors would converge to — in broad daylight was bad. Cap, shades, mask on, and hood pulled up, he was probably the spitting image of a celebrity. Though absence of the getup would be an even greater risk. If only the fans didn’t know his wardrobe better than he did, he might have felt the slightest bit safer.
The silver-lining was that there was no way a self-proclaimed “SUGA fansite” would miss him, right?
God, he wanted to take off his mask so he could bite his nails. He should have asked one of his managers to take care of this for him. The same way he usually had photocard deliveries shipped at a manager’s.
“Hyung?”
He jumped at the call, shocked out of his worries.
Taehyung jogged up to him, smile just slightly bemused. Unlike Yoongi, he hadn’t adorned something akin to a “pray the media won’t see me” outfit. He almost didn’t look famous at all. The large glasses, long curls, and mustard coloured sweater vest gave him more the look of a university student than that of a superstar. If it hadn’t been, of course, for the natural star power that had always followed after Taehyung like a powerful aura.
“Perfect,” Yoongi declared, waving Taehyung over and watching him hurry his jog to something like a sprint. “Ok, yes. Great, you’re here. That works. Come here.”
He pulled Taehyung in by his sleeve. This was still bad. If his outfit hadn’t already screamed “take pictures of me, I promise I’m famous,” then having Taehyung transparently himself by his side certainly certified him as a member of BTS. Not to mention that this turn of events was likely to bring his secret out to Taehyung.
It would be worth it. Just to show the stranger how dear Taehyung was. How their unnecessary comments were about real people, people who mattered to Yoongi more than anyone else. Just thinking of it had him right back to seething.
“Ok. Why are we standing out here?”
“We’re waiting for someone.”
“Who?”
“Someone,” Yoongi insisted, teeth still gritted with the memory of the seller’s careless comments.
Taehyung laughed. There wasn’t anything discreet or quiet about it. Yoongi felt his posture grow rigid, even though the sidewalk was still markedly empty.
“Pretty sure no one else is coming. We should probably head inside.”
He felt the way Taehyung tried to pull him towards the building’s main entrance, so Yoongi dug his heels in and gripped Taehyung’s sleeve with more purpose.
“No, Tae. Seriously, just wait. I’m meeting someone.”
Despite the insistence, Taehyung pulled himself out of Yoongi’s grip, then with the kind of laughter that just kept gaining volume, he plunged his hand into the vest’s pocket and pulled out...
“This who you’re waiting for?”
That smile hadn’t aged at all. The smile that came with pranking a fellow member successfully. It was a chore to drag his eyes away from the rectangular shape of Taehyung’s smile. But then, his thumbs and forefingers were forming a second perfect rectangle, encasing...
The photocard from Thailand. The one where Taehyung had thrown up a peace sign and Yoongi had worn his blue beanie.
No.
To cover his horrified gasp, Yoongi pushed at Taehyung’s shoulder roughly. Taehyung looked unperturbed, only grinning even wider.
“What. The. Hell! Why did you say all that stuff?”
“I was just playing,” Taehyung whined back, though not without the smile.
“Playing at what!”
“It’s fun to test ARMYs’ love!”
“You pissed me off so bad.” He hissed out a breath through his teeth, clenching and unclenching his fists to get a hold of his slow-burning anger. “Do you know how upsetting it was to read shit like that?”
“Aw, but I didn’t know it was you, hyung!” Taehyung’s eyes nearly twinkled in the beat after those words, as if just now realizing that the account truly belonged to Yoongi. “I want to say this is like destiny, but... you know. You were throwing more than a million won at me, and I know damn well you could have bought it for cheaper. So, really, who else but a hip trillionaire could it have been?”
“That’s because you asked for that card that was going for over a million. Why would you want that anyway?”
“Got to feed my stock. More photocards I have to hand out, more chance to mess with an ARMY,” Taehyung said agreeably, sounding particularly well-behaved. Yoongi wasn’t fooled, not with that glint in Taehyung’s eyes and certainly not with his actual words. “So. Why are you buying photocards of yourself anyway? Are you trying to save your poor fans from bankruptcy? Sacrificing yourself so no one else has to pay those criminal rates?”
“I’m not buying photocards of myself,” he corrected automatically. Fumbling, he tried to shift the focus. “Why’d you have that intense video edit of me?”
Taehyung hadn’t faltered in his playfulness until just then, an easy flush dusting his cheeks. He recovered gracefully, linking his arm with Yoongi’s in a smooth gesture. “We should head inside, you’re too bundled up to meet with just me.”
Yoongi fell in step with Taehyung. This was less bad, back in the safety of their building in record time. Vaguely, he thought of feeling bundled up when he’d first pulled Taehyung’s photocard, nearly eight years ago already. Back then, it had been the large scarf and beanie; an attempt to swallow himself up when he’d been anxious and hurting. Today, the extra barriers had been for the exact purpose his brother had teased him about back in the day. A cover to dull the shine of his fame.
He relaxed as Taehyung took the lead, swiping his identification card for the elevator and selecting the floor for their lounge. That would be good. Just like his life was good now. The successes stacked up high until he himself had filled out with confidence and determination. Along the way, he’d drawn more motivation from Taehyung as needed, whenever it had been rough really — which had been more frequent than anyone outside their group might have thought.
He could have dropped it. Sheathing his sword would surely mean Taehyung doing the same, and preserving the secret beneath his mattress. There was just something within him that absolutely needed to know. Something that had been terribly touched by the way the video had captured his image.
“Seriously though, what was up with that video?”
He didn’t miss the way Taehyung rolled his eyes. Yoongi’s sustained silence as they stepped out of the elevator might have been just enough pressure for Taehyung to crack.
“Nothing. It’s stupid. I mean... It’s like I said. Jungkook helped me a bit. I was going to share it with you for your birthday, but I ran out of time. Can you believe that? It’s so short. But I swear, every second was like ridiculous amounts of work.”
Taehyung hopped onto a couch, their private lounge area blessedly empty.
“It was kind of beautiful.”
He took a seat a little more gingerly than Taehyung had. When Taehyung continued, his eyes were set on the windows. Outside, the sky was not quite blue, not quite grey.
“I never grew out of it, you know? I still always watch the stuff we put out. Broadcasts or performances. It’s the one time we performed the song, but when I got to watch it like that... when you came on.” Taehyung paused, then his lips stretched into an uneasy smile. “I don’t know? It’s both like my heart is too full for my chest, but also like my heart’s disappeared under the weight of everything? I don’t know. But that was how I felt when I first heard the verse you submitted. And that was how I felt when you rapped it live right in front of me, too. And it’s just like.”
Another pause, more stretched out.
“Like?” he prompted gently.
“Like it’s so much easier to push through feeling demotivated, or tired, or like it’s too much for just me. Because when you write, it’s like your words are pushing me forward. Because they know where I am and what I’m going through.” Finally, Taehyung looked away from the sky, down to his lap. “It’s a lot, I know. Just wanted to pay small tribute to my favourite artist.”
An admission spoken softly, but that carried all the weight in the world.
Instead of addressing it directly, he stretched his hand out towards Taehyung.
“Could I have the photocard?”
Taehyung looked stunned by the sudden request, but quickly recovered, pulling the photocard back out from his pocket.
“Free of charge!” he announced, just a shade too brightly as he put it down into Yoongi’s palm.
“Thanks...” His turn to look out through the window, to avoid looking directly at Taehyung. “This is the last one I needed. I don’t really buy my own photocards... I do collect yours. And that was the last one.”
“What? Why?”
Taehyung didn’t sound like he’d understood Yoongi’s tone. He sounded amused, like Yoongi was about to prank him, the same way Taehyung probably enjoyed pranking ARMYs from behind the cover of a SUGA fan account.
Yoongi shook his head seriously, then grabbed his wallet from his jacket.
“Because, you’re the one who kept me moving forward, too. Especially in the beginning, when nothing seemed to ever work out. It was so special to have someone on the team who loved our music that genuinely.” Flipping the wallet open, he sighed wistfully. He’d eventually bought a duplicate for his binder, but this one had kept its place. Never even plastified, just as it had been on that day where Yoongi had felt so cold. “Junki-hyung, when it hadn’t been doing well, he bought a copy of O!RUL8,2?. And I pulled your photo from his album and, I don’t know. It really made me feel like I could keep going. And make more music you love.”
Delicately, he handed the card over. Taehyung took it in hand just as delicately. Expression utterly amazed.
“Really...?”
Taehyung sounded choked up. So, Yoongi tried to lighten the atmosphere, he really did.
“Why does it kind of feel like we’re confessing to each other right now?”
He forced out a laugh, which was short-lived in the face of the genuine admiration in Taehyung’s eyes.
“Hyung,” he put the photocard down onto his lap, the same way Yoongi had also rested the new subunit card onto his own. “I love you. And you make my favourite music in the world.”
Yoongi felt his eyes widen. He only hesitated briefly, as he thought of security cameras throughout the building, thought of the possibility of any member or staff looking for them entering the lobby, thought of what those words meant in the grand scheme of things.
The hesitation didn’t keep him from telling Taehyung, “I love you, too. If I had to choose just one person in this world who could listen to my music. It would be you.”
In the moment that followed the declaration, Yoongi completely forgot about cameras, staff, other members. It was just Taehyung and him, sharing the exact same kind of smile. Relieved. And, if Yoongi were ever asked to describe it sincerely, in love.
Eventually, Yoongi let go of the moment.
“We’ve probably both been away from our schedules for too long, huh?”
“Yeah,” Taehyung breathed out. Eyes wide enough to convince Yoongi that he was still trapped in that moment where it was only the two of them, and nothing else. “Will you show me your collection later?”
Yoongi didn’t even feel embarrassed as he nodded in the affirmative.
“And you’ll come share your feelings with me more often, right? I can write more songs that remind you that I understand.”
His chest felt pleasantly warm when Taehyung nodded avidly, not a trace of hesitation left in him either.