Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

My voice is the offspring

of two countries colliding

What is there to be ashamed of

If English and my mother tongue

Made love

My voice is her father’s words

And mother’s accent

What does it matter if

My mouth carries two worlds

Accent- Rupi Kaur

君の心のあるところが、君のホームがあります。 

仙台市 (2013年1月)

It was a nice house. The floor was covered with tatami, and the walls had shoji doors to go outside. His family had covered the entrance furniture with pictures of them, traditional ikebana decorated their kotatsu table, and the whole house smelled like sandalwood.

It had a nice smell.

He really loved that smell.

When Tooru thinks about home, there are a few things that come to his mind. First is the smell of his mother’s perfume, and then the image of his sister holding her son in the hospital bed. The beautiful sight of the volleyball court, the feeling of the ball barely touching his hands, and finally the livid image of Hajime lying on the grass comes to his mind. It was hard to leave almost all of those things behind. 

Leaving Japan was, by all means, the easiest thing he could do.

Leaving his home was, by far, the harder thing he ever did.

He still can remember the sound of his voice during that spring.

「お母さん、私はアルゼンチンに向けて出発します。」

The smell of tea drowned his lungs, and the expression of his mother was something he will never forget. The sadness in her eyes destroyed him at the very least. But she understood, she always did. He knew he would have to leave her behind, but he didn’t care that much. The Internet exists, and he could always visit. He hopes. 

「わかりました。がんばって、 徹くん。」

 仙台市 (2013年2月)

Nanakita park was cold, they were still in mid-winter and the nights had undoubtedly become colder than before. Blame the climate change, whatever. When they were children Tooru and Hajime used to play there, her moms were pretty good friends too, and playdates were not uncommon between them. But with a bittersweet taste in his tongue, Tooru could feel how the memories he treasures with all the love were about to be destroyed with unwanted news. He knows.

And at the moment Hajime arrived and sits by his side, he knows too.

「お前は俺に何か言うことがあると言った」

「答えてほしくない、明日は何も起こらなかったふりをする」

Hajime looked at him, knowing pretty well that what he was about to tell him was no good news. He knows Tooru’s eyes too well, and since he told him he encountered Blanco in an official match he went to watch, he knows something has changed. Everything changed since Tooru told him that Blanco had offers to train him abroad. He knows that unsettling feeling too well. Like something is about to break him. 

It takes him a while, Tooru doesn’t really look at him but rather fixes his eyes in the roots of some old tree that grew under the bench, and when he had gathered all the courage necessary, the words just came out of his mouth unwanted.

「俺は女の子に惚れたことがない、」Tooru said. It came out like a whisper, like what he was about to say scared him the most. It’s an odd way to start a conversation, and it’s an even odder statement for him because he had dated before. Tooru had been in relationships with girls before, so saying he never had fallen in love it was weird to hear. But they were still teenagers, and what they had the most was time, or so they thought.「でも俺はお前に気持ちをつかんだと思い。俺が去ることを知ってい、そしてお前にこれを言うことは不公平です、しかし、俺は未完成のビジネスを離れることはできない。ごめん。」

The truth had been said only for them to hear. Each word carried the horrible prognostic of what they would never be. Tooru’s sobs filled the silence and Hajime was lost looking at the sky, but his tears didn't make a sound. They had heard the word, but it didn’t matter what he could replay because Tooru was still leaving, no matter what.

「私は本当にこれについて何も言いませんか？」

「いいえ」

「オッケー」

With that conversation, they put an end to their weekend. They walked together until they reached their houses. Hajime simply said goodbye and Tooru nodded looking at him. Between the two of them, he didn’t know who had the most swollen eyes. 

By the end of March, the third-year students of the Aoba Johsai High School graduated. 

Tooru and Hajime never talked about that night again.

They kept hanging out.

They kept talking every night.

They went shopping for everything Tooru might need for his new life.

They never talk about it again.

Buenos Aires (Julio 2013)

Oikawa Tooru arrived in Argentina at the end of July. The new land welcomed him with open arms and heavy rain. It was cold, colder than he imagined, but it really didn’t bother him, Miyagi was also really cold in winter. The excitement growing bigger and bigger inside him was a feeling worthy of any weather change, even if he was feeling his feet dry cold. 

Later on, he would find out that July was one of the coldest months in South America. 

To: お母さん (´ ω `♡) (18:35)

ブエノスアイレスに到着しました

アパートに着いたら教えてあげる♡

From: お母さん (´ ω `♡) (18:35)

嬉しい!!

気を付けて

大好き、徹

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:26)

Hey, let me know when you arrive

I hope you had a good fly

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:36)

I already arrive

The fly was horrible btw

I’m looking for Blanco now

It felt scary. It was definitely an overwhelming feeling. The people around him kept moving and everyone looked like they knew where to go. He wasn’t going to ask for help, not until he was completely sure he couldn’t do it for himself. Also, there was a high chance that no one could understand him. He was lucky he always got higher marks in English class, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to read the airport signs.

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

Iwa I think I’m lost (ಥ﹏ಥ)

I tried talking to someone but they didn’t understand me fuuuuuck 

Nevermind I FOUND A CROWD WITH BOARDS

With his bags in hand, he slowly opened a path between all the people that were trying to find a familiar face. It was hard at first, but then he saw it. A whiteboard with his name written on it. 

及川徹

Oikawa Tooru

Mixed in the crowd, there was a tall man with brown and grey hair waiting for him. Jorge Blanco. 

“Tooru!! You are finally here, I thought I was going to wait for another hour. ¿Cómo estuvo el vuelo? How was the fly?”

“I had never taken a plane before, so it was weird. A kid kept kicking my back.” He said while accepting Jorge’s hug. It felt really comfortable after an eighteen-hour flight.

“Yeah, it’s not really pleasant, especially when you take scales.” The man took one of his bags and walked with him to the exit. “Okay so, you're gonna love Buenos Aires, the city that never sleeps they say. I know you already saw the apartment online, but I went to check it two days ago and it’s really beautiful. You are kind in the eye of the city, you could say it's a college neighborhood.” 

Tooru would always be in debt with José. He was not only his personal coach, but he also was the one that helped him with the paperwork, the one that helped him look for a place to live, the one that helped him look for a job, he was the one that helped him to do his taxes. He helped him survive in an unknown city when he didn’t even know how to properly communicate.

The taxi left them in front of a building on a big avenue.  Everything seemed… different, but at the same time, it was slightly similar to Sendai.

“It looks like Sendai, I guess because both are big cities.”

“I wouldn’t know, I’ve only been in Tokyo and Osaka,” Blanco said, helping Tooru with one of his bags. “This is the Avenida Cordoba. It’s one of the main avenues here and you have a lot of public transport and stores. If you follow that street, you’ll find a hospital, a medical center, and a pharmacy. If you follow this one to the right, you have a market and to the left you -well a little farther away actually- you’ll find the mall.”

The apartment complex reminded him of some European building, if he had to think about it, it was kind of a London infrastructure. Not like had ever been to London but whatever, he had seen pictures. 

“You are really familiar with this neighborhood.” While they were on the elevator Tooru could feel the nervousness starting to affect him. Blanco had sent him pictures of the apartment and his roomie, along with an excel sheet with the common expenses, the rent, and other information. It wasn’t that expensive, taking into consideration space and comparing them with Tokyo’s apartments. He remembered when his sister went to study, a rat lived in a bigger room.

“I helped my niece move two years ago, she is actually pretty nice.”

“Are you already trying to set me up with a Latin woman? I’m only nineteen you know? I’m not legal in my country yet.” Blanco laughed at his joke, the apartment was on the 7th floor and the hallways were a little tight.

“Just for you to know, you are already legal here. And no, she already has a boyfriend. I was actually hoping you two get along because she is your lessor and your roomie.”

When they got to apartment 512, a girl opened the door almost at the same time they knocked.

“LLegaron tarde,” she said. “I have been waiting for thirty minutes.”

“El avión se retrasó.” Blanco said. Tooru only understood «plane». It felt weird, not being able to understand what people said.

His roomie wasn’t as tall as he thought, but she wasn’t short. You could say she was cute, with her long wavy dark hair. Her eyes were dark brown, and she had the larger eyelashes he had seen. Blanco left his bag on the floor and gave her a warm hug, it was like they haven’t seen each other in years.

“You must be Tooru? Hi! I’m Sofia Blanco. It’s really nice to meet ya’.” She approached and gave him a cheek kiss, with instant regret when Tooru drags away in shock.

“At least ask for my number, jeez.” He said with a crooked smile, still really shy.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry, you guys bow! I forgot. Here we usually greet people with a kiss on the cheek, just for you to know. I won’t do it anymore.”

“Right, sorry. I’m Oika- Tooru, Tooru Oikawa.”

“Well, Tooru, I hope you had a nice flight, feel like home.” She welcomed him. Her voice was a little stronger than he imagined.

When Blanco offered to train him and sponsor him in Argentina, he helped him looking for a place to live, taking into consideration that rent was usually expensive, and that Tooru was still nineteen, with no professional title, and never had a job before. Basically, he arrived in Argentina putting himself in the hands of his savings.

“Honey, why don’t you give him the tour, while I make you some coffee? You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

“Estoy con los finales del semestre, no me pida tanto. Come, I’ll show you the place, I assume you are tired after such a trip.” He hasn’t talked much, he knows. But he was still recovering from the shock and jet lag. “This is your room, I know it’s not really big, but you have a bed and a closet, and a mini tv on the wall. You can connect it to the wifi if you want.”

“It’s great. Thank you.” He left his bags in his bed, he would organize his closet after getting some proper sleep.

“Here, it’s the bathroom, right side is hot water, left for the cold.” The bathroom reminded him of his sister’s apartment in Sendai. A little bit classic, like from the Japanese ’70s, and it did not have a washing-tube like modern Japanese toilets, but he could live without a water tube pointing into his ass.

The tour was pretty short, and even though Tooru didn’t say much, his excitement of finally being independent was starting to bloom, as well as his fear of being alone for the first time in his life.

When they got back to the living room, Blanco was waiting for them with three coffee cups and a sheet of paper.

“Do you drink coffee right?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty much an addict.”

“Ah… entonces ustedes dos se van a llevar bien. You two will get along”

The three of them were sitting at the table, listening to what Jorge had to say.

“Look, I made you a two-month itinerary.” Tooru looked at the sheets Blanco was giving him. A little part of him was glad they were in English and not in Spanish. “There you’ll find a strict diet, and what we need to work at the gym.”

“I added which buses and subway lines help you get to the gym,” Sofía said, she was messaging someone on her phone but still looked at him in the ray of the eye.

“Thank you.”

“And in case you want to sign up in a curse of Spanish, I’d leave you some blocks and Friday free.” He managed to say. Blanco left after a couple of minutes, giving him time to rest after such a day. Before he entered his new room, he heard Sofía trying to catch a conversation.

“Tooru, hablas español? Do you speak Spanish or only English? We don’t count Japanese of course because I only know words from anime.”

“Hablo… muy- muy poquito espanol.”

“Ya veo…bueno, irás mejorando. You’ll get better at it. Just give it some time. You can always ask me. Anything. If you want, of course.”

“I- do you know any Spanish academy? To learn the language I mean.”

Buenos Aires (Agosto 2013)

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

I think my roomie is a vampire

I haven’t seen her sleep since, ever?? 

And she is white as a paper

I mean she is not white white, she has a slight tan 

I’m talking about her skin kay? Not her being an asshole 

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

I know what you meant

And she is not a vampire, she is just in college

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

Speaking of college, did you check your email yet?

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

I already checked last night, I’m not getting obsessed with it

If I get the email it's cool n if I don’t it's also cool

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

They probably can sense your anger management issues from afar

You have a pretty high level that makes them rethink into having an angry pomeranian on their campus lol

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

Shut up, aren’t you late for practice?

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

I’m on the bus

There is a ma’am that looks at me like I’m an exotic new animal species

I feel judge

Old people judge me here (；⌣̀_⌣́)

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

You are a weird new animal specie

A shittykawa, a tall mammal that eats kids happiness and hopes

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

Rude Iwa, when have I ever destroyed someone’s hope or happiness? Never, I’m a piece of sunshine

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

Happiness -> ME

Hope -> Kageyama

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:41)

shut ur mouth

you love me, I’m the reason for your whole happiness, without me you would die from boredom and sadness

fuck u

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:41)

n what about Tobio?

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:42)

Sin comentarios

Some questionable guys got on the bus

I’ll talk u later

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:41)

RIP tobio’s hopes in middle school 😔👊🏻

Take care, let me know if you weren’t robbed

Oh and

I miss you

 

If he had to be honest, the public transport scared him. Even if he let aside the fact that buses were never on time, and that some of the subway stations were full of graffiti and questionable infrastructure; he was still scared of being robbed. Since he got to Buenos Aires, he had witnessed more than one assault, it had him praying that something like that never happened to him, if he loses his wallet or documents it would transform into another problem that he didn’t want to face.

Tooru wasn’t exactly sure if Sofía was nice to him because 1) He was Blanco’s pupil 2) She was Latin and Latin people are always nice and warm until you do something to piss them off 3) She was just being polite.

Honestly, they haven’t talked much. He wakes up for his run when she is in the shower and by the time he returns she is already on her way to college, but left a note that says:

«I’ll go to the groceries tomorrow, let me know if you need something and we arrange the prices with the receipt»

He eats breakfast and goes to the gym. After meeting with Jorge, he goes back to their apartment to eat lunch, sometimes she is there and others she is not. In his loneliness, he only calls Iwaizumi because their free hours’ matched, a blessing, honestly. 

It was funny though, how they became friends. 

Sofía was sitting on the couch reading a book which he can only understand Eduardo Galleano as the author.

“You are staring,” she says. 

“You know, I wanted to ask but I don’t know if this is a rude question or not, and I don’t want to fuck up.” He said from the kitchen counter. 

“Ay Toto no te preocupes, dispara.” 

“Are you... drinking weed?” 

At first, she didn’t quite understand the question, then looked at the weird cup she was holding.

“You mean this? Oh no Toto, esto es mate.”

“Mate?”

“Querido te has perdido la mitad de la experiencia argentina! It's tea, wanna try it?” 

“I don’t know. It looks questionable to me.” He said.

“Please, I added a little bit of stevia so it is not that bitter.” She says, he slowly sat by her side and grabbed the odd cup. 

That day he fell in love a little bit more with Argentina. 

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

IT CAME CNSDJKVNFDK OMG

I WAS ACCEPTED 

I WAS ACCEPTED IN IRVINE VALLEY COLLEGE

[photo] 

To: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (18:40)

WHAT??? ARE U KIDDING 

GOD HAJIME I’M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW 

I WISH I WAS THERE

YOU ARE GOING ABROAD 

JSKHDALSKJDKASDAS DIOOOOOOS

 

“Is that your girlfriend?” Sofía asked from her desk.

“What? No”

“Is it your boyfriend then?”

“WHAT- I- he is my best friend. Why would you think he is my girlfriend?”

“Because right now you have the Disney princess face.”

“The what?” She started walking and sat by his side, took the remote, and changed the tv channel.

“The I'm in love with a prince’s face. I know, I’ve been told I have that face when I’m with Ale.”

“Please, I’m just happy for him. He was accepted into a US’ college.”

“Noooo,” Sofía dramatically threw herself into his thighs. “He will become a white man.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Be careful, he might as well get infected. Also, nice thighs.”

“He won’t, and thank you.” Tooru blinked at her and together started whatever Friends episode was on tv.

He realized soon enough that Sofía was nervous. He didn’t know why, they had been living together for two months, and started to actually have a fun time. They usually watched movies together, and if he didn’t understand something from his Spanish course, she was always willing to help him.

“What happened to you? You look like you need to use the bathroom.”

Sofía was actually pretty expressive, so when she tried to avoid looking directly at him it was because she wanted to ask something. Tooru was really good at reading people.

“I don’t want to push your boundaries or anything but… have you partied before?”

“Huh?”

“It’s just that, we already started classes and I was thinking of having a party, here in the apartment, like at the beginning of September? You are invited, of course. I told my friends about you and they all want to meet you. But if you don’t feel comfortable with underage drinking considering that in Japan you are an adult in your 20s, or if you don’t feel comfortable at parties then I won’t offer our place. Also, the Boca vs River classic is going to be this weekend, it might get loud and messy around the neighborhood, try not to go out so late.”

With all honesty, Tooru hasn’t been to a party, ever. And the only time he got drunk was when Hajime and he had stolen Mr. Iwaizumi’s alcohol and got drunk in Hajime’s room. They got wasted after two beers.

“When I think about parties, I think about those american movies, and if you refer to that kind of party then no, I have never been to one. But I wouldn’t mind, and I know my presence would make that party ten times better.” He said with a crooked smile. 

“Cocky.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot.”

When he first decided to leave his country, he searched on the internet for every single detail. The first thing he did was to download Duolingo and tried to learn Spanish on his own. He didn’t know how to speak the language so how the hell was he going to survive in a Spanish speaking country?

When he started to advance on the app and got gold levels, he thought he was going to be fine. It couldn’t be that hard, in the end, a language was the same everywhere. 

He was so, so wrong.

There were obvious things he didn’t understand, words he had never heard before. How could he be so stupid? There were words different even between the standard Japanese and the Kansai dialect, of course the Spanish was different. The first time someone addressed him in a supermarket was to ask if he knew where the alcohol was. 

“¿Che, vos sabés en qué pasillo está la birra?”

“Perdón?” 

“La birra?” 

The girl seemed to understand what was happening because he obviously didn’t know what birra was. 

“Ah vos sos extranjero. ¿Cerveza? beer?” 

“Ooh, yeah. En el pasillo cuatro.” Is that correct? Was pasillo female or male? Is it plural? No, I think it’s singular. Why on earth do words have to have gender? Tooru thought. 

“¿Oh, sí hablás español?”

“Poquito. Estoy aprendiendo.” 

It felt weird. He didn’t really practice his Spanish much. Only with Blanco and his roomie, but even then, they talked in English most of the time. 

“Sos turista o vivís acá?”

The girl by his side had a school uniform, which was odd because she was asking for beer, but he didn’t really think about it, she might as well have eighteen.

“Ams... Llegué hace unos meses.”

“Entonces trabajás?” 

“Eeh... juego volleyball.” 

“Joder, vaya viaje boludo, ¿has venido desde la China a jugar volley al fin del mundo?”

Tooru looked at the girl, she was nice, she looked at the groceries on the shelves while chatting with him. He was picking groceries for his week. 

It felt refreshing, to be able to speak to someone, and for them to actually understand you. He understood almost everything she said, and it really felt like he was improving. And fuck, of course he was. He had put so much effort into learning Spanish.

“Sorry pero, soy japonés.” 

“La concha… ahora voy a quedar como racista, ¿seré pelotuda? Perdón eh, te juro que no quería.”

“Tranquila, ya me ha pasado.”

“Entonces, ¿venís a Argentina por el voley? No sabía que éramos tan buenos en eso.” 

“Bastante.” Is this a good way to use the word? Yeah I think it is.

“Fuaaa no tenía ni idea, si llegas a la tele me voy a acordar de vos.” She smiled at him and then she left.

Tooru never saw her again, but he hopes she still remembers him. 

Most of the time Tooru found himself unable to communicate. First, he didn’t quite understand the language. Second, even if he understood what people were saying, it became extremely difficult for him to respond. Third, if he takes his time to answer, some people get irritated. Sometimes they were in a hurry asking for directions and he couldn’t bring himself to explain how to get there. It was frustrating not being able to say what you wanted.

Luckily, he had encountered a lot of people who didn’t mind for him to take his time, they even tried to help him looking for the word he wanted. There was one time the girl from the bakery around his place took her time to help him order. He remembers her as the sweetest girl he had met in Argentina. 

Sofía was also very sweet, sometimes. Tooru usually saw her screaming at her computer when she had to do assignments, and baking at 2 a.m when she was stressed. But sometimes she baked vegan brownies made of black beans only for him because she knew about his diet so she always ended up preparing healthy desserts. 

When Tooru finally reached the elevator of their complex, he decided to look at his phone. Makki had sent him a picture at 6 a.m, which would translate to 6 p.m in Tokyo. He felt bad looking at it almost ten hours later. 

From: Makki <3 (6:03)

[picture] 

Lol see who I found in Tokyo 

Guess what he is studying 

He says hi

Also here is his number [+81 22 xxxxxxxxx] 

To: Makki <3 (16:14)

FREAKING SUGA??? WTF WHAT’S HE IS DOING IN TOKYO 

Wow he looks good 

Never expected you two would encounter lol 

Thx for his number

From: Makki <3 (16:14)

Yeah it was so weird, we both were at the same cafe 

We end up drinking ice tea together 

Apparently, he is studying general pedagogy at the TMU and says he wants to teach in elementary school

He was crazy tho 

Can you imagine him teaching kids? Poor babys🥺

To: Makki <3 (16:15)

Wtf are u doing awake at freaking four in the morning?? 

Also 

tbh make sense, all karasuno are like children

 

He saves Suga’s number while the elevator opens and sends a friendly “heeey guess who 😏😏”, he quickly tells Makki to get some sleep too. When Tooru got into his apartment, the voice of Sofia singing from the kitchen reached his ears.

“Che ya volviste?”

Sofía was, undoubtedly, the loudest, cheerful, and happy woman he ever met. She was Jorge Blanco’s niece, half Argentinian and half Chilean, and thanks to her he could afford a place in the city of Buenos Aires. 

“Compré lo que querías.” 

“Gracias. ¿Vas a ver a mi tío mañana?”

“Sí, subí de nivel en mis clases de Academia, ahora tengo nuevo horario.” 

“Mm. Hice pizza casera, ¿querés un trozo?” 

“¿Tiene aceitunas?”

“Se las quito si querés.”

Tooru has been living in Buenos Aires for some weeks, and he had to admit it, his cooking skills are still not the best. His cooking was not improving, and everything he did never tasted as similar as when his mother did. It felt so frustrating, the fact that the only thing he knew how to cook for sure was miso soup made things worse because finding miso in Argentina was an odyssey. And even if he went to an Asian market, imported products were hard to find and if you find any, they were still more expensive than usual.

He sat with Sofia at the table. He would have been so lost without her; he probably still wouldn't know how to get to the gym on the bus.

Sofía was studying Latinamerican Literature at the UBA. She was born in Chile, raised between Santiago and Buenos Aires, and after graduating from a Chilean school she moved to Buenos Aires for college because it was way cheaper than in Chile.

“I think we should watch a movie tonight. Maybe Marvel?”

“Iron man”

“Tooooru”

“Entonces veamos algo que no sea Marvel.”

“Something from Ghibli?”

“¿De qué?”

“¿Ghibli?”

“¿Quieres decir Ji-bu-ri?”

“¿Sabí qué más? let’s just watch Iron Man.” 

Buenos Aires (Septiembre 2013)

Every day was easier than the day before. With the passing of time, he was able to learn more words and expressions, now he could call Iwaizumi and say boludo with all naturality, even in their group chat sometimes he just wrote random words for them to get mad because they didn’t understand. Although everyone agreed to look for new insults in Spanish to call Oikawa, which wasn’t fair because Spanish was the language with the most insults, you could always create a new one. 

“You know? California is really nice. I like the sun here.”

“Yeah well, Japan’s sun is really suffocating, isn’t it?” 

“How is everything going? Have you improved in your game yet?”

“Excuse me? Of course I have. Bold of you to assume I came all this way just to see the Obelisco.” 

“...”

“Well, I did come to see the Obelisco, but that wasn’t on my principal agenda. Also, Jorge Blanco himself is training me. I bet you beat your tongue every time I talk about him ”

“I hate you so much, I’m so jealous, but whatever, I don’t care.”

“Yeah sure.” 

There was a silence that lasted a couple of seconds before Hajime’s heavy sigh sounded through Tooru’s phone. 

“Oi, shittykawa.”

“Yeah?- I can't believe you came up with a way to insult me in English.”

“A girl asked me out today.”

Tooru felt how the air escaped from his lungs. It was like he forgot how to breathe. Suddenly, the memories of Sendai’s park were fresh as ever. Tooru always wanted to be by Hajime’s side, they were a duo, you couldn’t get only one, it was always together. Science projects, essays, walks to school, walks back home, even the groceries sometimes. They had always been best friends but at some point of his third year in high school, Tooru had realized that his heart would beat just a little faster when Hajime fell asleep against his shoulder, or that he would find himself thinking about what to buy him for his birthday that was in the next seven months than thinking about what to give to his girlfriend that was the next. 

The day he had finally spoken his truth, he had explicitly asked Hajime to not say anything back, to only listen, because he wasn’t ready to hear Hajime rejecting him. It was a cruel thing to do when they knew that it didn’t matter he was rejected because he was leaving anyway. That was the reason he had confessed in the first place because leaving automatically gave him a getaway, and he knew that it wasn’t going to work. He wanted to leave home with all the cards on the table, no unfinished business. 

Tooru had accepted that he was going to be rejected, but that didn’t make the news any easier to hear. 

“Oh… did you… reject her?”

Say yes, please say yes.

“I didn't. I think it’s time for me to… I don’t know, date? I guess? I never had a girlfriend -unlike you- I’d like to know what it feels like.”

“It felt like shit.” He said, a little harder than he should have. “But it’s cool that you think you are ready for it. This would be your first date in the states, I think your first date ever! You need to look handsome, send me some outfits later. I will rank them, and please, for the love of god, don’t use the green checkered shirt it’s horrible”

“I like that shirt!”

“Iwa your grandpa has better taste in clothes than you.” 

Tooru could feel Hajime’s sigh on the other line. 

“You sound oddly calm.” 

It’s almost spring. He thought, looking at the trees in the street and the blue sky actually started to relax him. How could he be mad? He knew that by telling him the truth six months ago he had put an end to whatever feeling he had for Hajime. He knew that, but the sudden sadness he started feeling was telling him otherwise. 

He was trying to get over him, and the distance was actually helping him. But sometimes, only sometimes, when he found himself alone in his bedroom, or when Sofía put a romantic drama, he would start thinking what if. What if he never left? What if Hajime had said something back? What if they went to the same college? What if he had stayed in Japan? Would that have changed things? Would he have opened his heart that night? 

“Yeah. It bothers me but... if you want to go I can’t do much.”

“Sorry,” Hajime says. “It’s just that... we are really far away.”

“I know. Don’t worry. It’s fine, as long as you are happy I’m gonna be fine.”

There was an uncomfortable silence after that. Tooru had done what he felt was the best, life had decided different paths for them, but just as life can swipe you around, it can put you back together too. That was his biggest hope. However, the longer the time the easiest it was to forget how he felt. 

The easiest it was to move on.

“Anyway, have you found a job yet?” 

“I actually was calling you to announce that I’m working at a minimarket.” 

「は？？ お前？働く？」

「うるさい！Sofia’s friend used to work there, they quit and needed someone to replace them- I had an interview last week. It was that or working at McDonald’s and I refuse using that stupid uniform, I rather die. 」

It was his first job in Argentina, and it was going to be hard, but if he could keep the job for the next few months that would be a great sustain. He still had savings but he didn’t know how much time he was going to be living in Buenos Aires, or if he was going to go back to Japan any day soon. 

“I still have my savings, you know? But that’s not gonna last forever. And even tho you could say my rent is cheaper than usual, living in the center of the city is still pretty expensive.” 

「なるほど。 It’s good then, that you decided to start working. 」

“Don’t make it sound like I’ve never worked.”

“I didn’t say that. I know you are a hard worker, you have always been. In school, in your play, now in Argentina. You always do your best, I think that’s one of the reasons I was so charmed by you.”  

Charmed by you. Words that spread shivers around his spine.

“Iwa-chan, you are making me blush!” 

“Keep it together, idiot. I’ll text you later ‘kay? I still have an essay for this week.” 

“Sure, and good luck with your date.” 

“Good luck with your job.”

But no one ended the call. There was an incomprehensible silence between them. Tooru misses his friend from the bottom of his heart, and Hajime always said he felt the same. It was so hard, every time they spoke it felt like they were home, but thousands of kilometers away. How were they supposed to feel when for the first time in their lives they were living apart from each other? How are you supposed to live apart from someone you have been close to all your life? 

Hajime’s breathing was heavier, it was like he was trying so hard to find the words he wanted to speak. They should have ended the call because at the moment Tooru recognized Hajime’s sob it was too late. The living feeling of his chest tearing apart broke him into tears too. 

Hajime had always been, and always will be, his person. It didn’t matter that they were separated by a whole continent, living in the opposite poles of America. Tooru couldn’t explain how but they had a sixth sense of knowing exactly what was wrong with the other. Yeah, Tooru could analyze people and figure out very quickly what was wrong, but with Hajime he didn't even have to try. 

He just knew, he always did. Being away from their home was an experience that shaped you, you don’t know how to communicate properly, you know the city so you get lost, you don’t know the customs, you miss your family and friends, you can’t cook or eat your favorite meals. They were living all that, but separately. 

The loneliness, the longing, and the acceptance. They could only hope the other had it easier, but Tooru and Hajime knew they didn’t. 

Someone had to come to save them before any of them tried to say the words that would drown them into madness. 

The sound of the door opening took Tooru away from his thoughts, and he stopped thinking about how much he missed his best friend, and how lonely it was to start a new life in a foreign country. Sofía had come to save them from their shared pain, bless her. 

「じゃあ、またね」

「またね」

“Tooooooru, ayúdame weón. Vengo re cargada de cosas. La concha... qué te pasó?” 

“None of your business. What are all of these?” 

“It’s for our party. It’s today, remember? You look ugly when you cry.”

“Well thank you for the endorsement. Are you hosting a Vikings dinner tho? That’s a lot of food.”

“Es para el asadooo. Ya, mejor anda a cambiarte y ayúdame a poner la parrilla afuera.” 

“Wait, we don’t have a yard? It’s an apartment.” 

“We have a terrace. That’s enough.” 

Tooru hasn’t actually party in Argentina, sure, he has gone around with Sofia, sometimes with some classmates from the academy, most of the time as a tourist. He also was always trying to take care of his physic, and drinking is not good for an athlete either. But something inside him, a feeling that he was sure was caused by his most recent conversation, was making him want to go crazy.

“Hora de la verdad. Qué mosco te picó? You look constipated.”

“I spoke with Hajime just now.” Sofía left the bags on the kitchen table and started saving the meat in the freezer.

“Okay, are we mad about it?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m mad. I just have this feeling inside my stomach since we spoke.”

“But you guys speak every day, you even have special hours to call each other. Did something change?” Sofía started putting the groceries in the freezer, but he could still feel her eyes on him. Just like him, she was very good at analyzing people, so there was no point in lying because she would figure it out. 

“He told me he got a date.”

“Oh…” From the other side of the room, Tooru could feel Sofia trying to figure things out. Her expression always was like in the movies, it was kind of hilarious actually. “So are you jealous?”

“I have never been jealous before, I wouldn’t know, but yeah… you can call it that.”

“Okay, one last question. Are you jealous that he got himself a girlfriend before you, or that you are not the person he is gonna be with?”

“Can you stop that, I already said that he is my best friend.”

“Having a best friend doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings for them. It only makes sense to fall for someone who you get along with.”

“Sofía, por última vez, no me gusta Hajime. I miss him as my best friend only.”

“Okay but I don’t believe you. Normal people don’t get jealous because their best friend got a partner.”

“Oh shut it, I’ll go shower, your friends are gonna be here any minute”

Sofía’s friends were loud, maybe a little too much for Tooru’s usual environment, which was a lot coming from him. Francisco, Lucía, Alejandro, Camila, Javier, Luciano and Michael. He remembers Alejandro from that one weekend he spent with them. He was nice and even tried to speak without so much slang, and when Tooru couldn't find a good translation for what he wanted to say Alejandro always helped him trying to find the words. Sofía seemed to be happier around him too.

All of them were studying the same program, Luciano was from Tucumán, and Camila from Bariloche. Tooru didn’t really know where those cities were, but google maps helped him knowing one was in the north and the other in the south. 

“Y te ha costado adaptarte?” Luciano asked. From what he had caught up from Sofía’s information, she knew him from when he failed a course, and he preferred to be called Lucy.

“Un poco, me cuesta el lenguaje.”

“Por lo que he escuchado hablas mejor que nosotros, hablas mejor que Sofía. Bueno ella es chilena así que no es muy difícil.”

“Hey! Te escuché!!” She screamed, getting out of the terrace. “I see you have meet Lucy, aren’t they lovely?”

“They?” Oikawa asked.

“In English, I go by they.” Lucy explains. “In Spanish it’s a little bit more complicated. Any pronoun is good in Spanish.”

“You changed your pronouns? You can do that?” His voice sounded like a little kid who incredulously asked about something they didn’t feel was real. Lucy and Sofía looked at him softly, they probably knew that as an Asian person, he wasn’t exactly educated in the matter. Not that they were dumb, but it wasn’t exactly a matter covered in a subject school. 

“Of course you can, no one else can decide your identity than you.” 

“That’s so awesome.”

“Feel free to ask everything you have doubts about.”

Tooru looked at the beer in his hand, it felt weird to drink having only nineteen. He could be arrested in Japan but here he was already an adult. 

One of the things that he can recall from when he was in middle school was hearing Hajime’s mom and his talking about a neighbor’s son. He had been eighteen and found drinking with some friends at the park. Police didn’t have the attributions to arrest him, but they did have something called hodou 補導. When a minor was discovered drinking or smoking the police field a chart and uploaded your data to the system, the information was sent to your parents, school, and workplace, and they had the attributions to ground for disciplinary actions. It didn’t take more than a week for all the rumors to be spread in the neighborhood as a plague. 

Tooru always grew up with the image that underage drinking was wrong, not only because of the law but also because he was an athlete, but their mom’s always assured them that if they wanted to try it they could drink only inside the house. Better with them than in a park. 

When Tooru and Hajime had finally decided they did want to know what it felt like, they borrowed Hajime’s father’s alcohol and started drinking in Hajime’s room. He remembered taking his second beer and feeling the floor moving already, they both end up falling asleep in Hajime’s bed only to wake up the next day with a headache. 

But again, Tooru was no longer living in Japan. He drank from his can and looked Lucy in the eyes. They had green eyes. 

“Does it have something to do with… your sexual orientation?” 

“Mmh not really,” Lucy said after drinking from their beer. “At least not for me, I don’t think me being pan has an influence on me being nonbinary. If someone identifies as a woman and likes men, they still are straight, right? Even if their sex is not feminine.”

“Right, make sense. Thank you for explaining to me.” The new information had arrived as cold water. He barely remembers, but when he was a kid he saw a man dressed as a woman walking in their direction, his mother quickly took his hand and changed to the other street. 

It wasn’t that he wasn’t familiarized with the queer community, hell he even had classmates who gossip about if he was gay or not, he knew. But the feeling he got when Lucy talked so openly about their identity, being that free and openly saying they didn’t feel like a man or a woman. It felt so different, in Japan people usually are not that open with strangers, and they sure are not as open with their feelings. 

“You can always talk to me if you have any doubt. I’m usually active on Facebook.”

“I’ll send you a friend request.”

That night was the first time someone gave him their number in foreign lands.

That night was also the first time he kissed someone in Argentina. 

“I honestly don't understand why you guys are so passionate about Football honestly. They only run after a ball and get one or two points.” The football match was almost ending, and it was so funny to Tooru how everyone was expecting if Boca made a point before the second half ended.

“I think it’s just like you are with volleyball,” Javier says. “It’s a passionate love, you won’t enjoy it if you don’t feel it with your pores.”

“Yeah, I think you're right.” They both were in the kitchen looking for another beer, if he had to be honest, he was starting to get dizzy, but in a good way. He felt happier, and the whole «Hajime date» had been buried in the back of his mind.

“I don’t think I have introduced myself yet. Hi, I’m Javier, Sofía’s friend. I follow you on Instagram, your server is from another world.”

“Wow, what do my eyes see? Is this my first international fan? Hi, I’m Tooru Oikawa, but apparently, you already knew that.”

He did have an Instagram account where he usually posted about everything, and he also had a lot of followers. Jorge had actually said it was good for him to be active in his social media, especially if it was volley related. It made sense because he was actually expecting to have a volleyball career, but in Argentina not a lot of people knew him. 

Apparently, Javier had found his Instagram and was actually a fan of the national team. It felt great to have someone who he could talk to about it outside his trainer and Hajime. However, Javier had also been interested in his personal life.

“Why here tho? There are countries who are better than us, like Russia or France.” 

“Yeah but I like it here. I watched the Argentinian team on the tv once and it basically turned into my origin story. Someone gave me the opportunity a couple of months ago and I took it.” He said. 

“Well, I’m sure you’ll do great. Not all the time a pretty boy from the other end of the world came here to do better.” 

Turns out that Javier knows how to praise him, but by the last half of the match it was pretty obvious to everyone that he was flirting. It was weird because Tooru never felt uncomfortable around him, he was laughing with him, they even exchanged Instagram users and Whatsapp numbers. He actually exchanged social media with everyone, they were pretty easy to get along with, and everyone made him feel welcome in their group.  

It wasn’t until later in the night when everyone was chatting and dancing to the music he couldn’t really understand that he found himself alone with Javier in the kitchen. 

“You have pretty eyes, you know?” 

“Really? No one has said to me that I have pretty eyes, they are just brown?” 

“But I’m serious, son bonitos. Como tú.” 

“Javier- yo-” Javier was leaning against the kitchen counter, his body almost touching his, and the background music was too loud for Tooru to even think clearly. The alcohol didn’t help either. 

“Tooru, have you ever kissed a boy before?” 

“What kind of question is that? I- I haven’t, of course.” 

“Wanna try?” With that question his heart went more than 100 bpm, he was sure. It couldn’t be real, the amount of nervousness he had. His whole body tensed, and he could feel how his stomach started to compress. Did he want to kiss him? 

Tooru started looking everywhere, he told himself it was for Sofia, but he knew very deeply that he was checking if people cared, if they were whispering, or if they were looking at them with judgmental eyes. 

But he only saw Sofia, who caught his desperate eyes and everything she did was putting her thumbs-up, and then she kept dancing with her boyfriend. She was encouraging him. 

“See? No one cares, who is gonna be against us kissing at a party? Lucy is nonbinary and everyone knows it. Sofia is a bisexual and no one cares either, not even her boyfriend. So if you want we can kiss, but if you don’t want that’s okay too and we can go dance instead.”

The new information of Sofía being bisexual shocked him at first because in a million years he would have figured it out, although her uncountable speeches about how Cara Delevigne was the most beautiful woman she had seen should have given him a clue. 

What Javier said was true, he wasn’t talking nonsense. No one cared, not a single soul. Tooru had never kissed a boy before, that was something he always wanted to do, but something he never really thought he would do because if he ever kissed the boy he always wanted to kiss, then their friendship was over. 

But that boy wasn’t there, he was there, and Javier was there. Javier had flirted with him all night and explicitly said he wanted them to kiss. 

“Okay, let's kiss.” Tooru had managed to say, the alcohol in his body was making an effect since he could start feeling his cheeks numb, and he could feel the floor moving, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t an earthquake. 

His heart beat faster and faster as Javier placed one hand in his waist and carefully took him by his jaw. He knew that as soon as their lips touched something will lose inside of him, just as a bird set free from a cage. When it finally happened, Tooru forgot about the people around them, he forgot about the prejudices. 

They kissed against the kitchen counter, Oikawa’s hands slowly started running through Javier’s hair, and he lost himself in time. 

It was his first kiss with a boy. 

It was his first kiss in Argentina. 

He had dated before, but that was the first time someone had made him feel free. 

The next day he found himself lying in his own bed, not really knowing what time it was, but barely remembering everyone leaving at six in the morning. How it was possible to party all fucking night? Was it a latin thing maybe? He doesn’t even know how he lasted until seven a.m. 

His phone quickly showed that it was past midday and that he had a lot of messages from LINE. He doesn’t remember sending pictures of last night to his friends, but apparently, he did. 

[15 messages unread from "Club de fans de Juan Gabriel"]

___

Makki <3: Why are you guys partying at this hour? 

Mattsun: Is that sofia? She is pretty do you have her ig? 😳😳

Mattsun: lolololol there was a guy dead in the floor

Makki <3: I’m gonna leave you dead on the floor

Mattsun: oh c'mon I wasn’t serious

Makki <3: mmh you seem pretty close to this guy too 

Makki <3: dude are all men handsome there? Because I don’t know who he is but thoooose eyeees 😍😍

Mattsun: now I'll leave you on the floor

Iwa-chan: Is it good for you to drink tho? You are supposed to take care of your body. 

Iwa-chan: That guy?? Mmh I don’t think he is especially pretty 

Iwa-chan: I’ve seen prettiest guys in the beach

Makki <3: Iwaizumi are you jealous? 

Makki <3: You are still the most handsome

Makki <3: No one can compete with your tits~

Mattsun: Guys Oikawa is not answering he might as well be dead

Iwa: More air for us to breath 

Makki: u didn’t deny the jealous part

Iwa: I will kill you 

Makki: lol rip Oikawa 💀💀💀💀

 

[3 messages unread from Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶] 

From: Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (4:48)

Hey I hope you are good

Drink a lot of water or you’ll be hangover

Also can I ask you a question? 

To: Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (15:09)

I did but everything hurts 

Also wtf these people party all fucking night it should be illegal 

It was fun tho

You know you don’t need to ask for permission to ask anything

From: Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶

Did you do something last night? 

 

Tooru didn’t quite know if he should tell him the truth. He knew for a fact that it would never change things between them, or at least he hoped. However, telling him he had kissed a boy was like coming out, and he had never done that before. But at the same time, it only made sense to came out to him first. 

Ahora o nunca . He thought. 

To: Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (15:23)

I did 

I kiss a guy last night

From: Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (15:25)

Oh

Okay

Did you like it?

To:  岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (15:25)

I did 

It felt different, and he was good at it which I guess made things better

From:  岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (15:26)

I guess that’s a good thing

Congratulations on being bisexual I guess

To:  岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (15:26)

Mi mamita siempre me dijo que hay que comer de todo aaah decía

And how was your weekend? 

From: 岩ちゃん ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (15:26)

I have no idea of what that means

I went to the museum

 

Buenos Aires (Noviembre 2013)

“Pero Tooru sos boludo? ¿Qué hacés tirado ahí? ¿¿Y escuchando a Juan Gabriel?? Nooo, levántate qué vergüenza pelotudo de mierda.” 

“UUY QUE AGRESIVA. Es que soy cancer” Sofía looked at him laughing while she threw her bag to the couch and lay down with him. “Extraño a Iwa-chan. How do I get over him? Now he probably has a girlfriend.” 

“What are you talking about? Who is Iwa chan?” 

“It's Hajime. Look, mirá su historia del insta. She’s super pretty!” 

“I think you have never shown me a picture of him before. Fuck- he is hot, like wow- really hot.” 

“I know! and now he has a tan skin because of California's sun and he looks even hotter. Como lo supero Sofi, dime como lo supero, estoy sufriendo aquí la mejor decisión es que yo lanzo de balcón.”

“Me estás jodiendo? ¿Y para qué querés superarlo? ¡Toto por Dios, veo los mensajes que te manda ni siquiera sé porqué está con la pendeja esa! Lo peor es que ustedes ni siquiera se han besado, no me jodas. The first thing you need to do is telling him you like him because is very likely that he doesn’t know shit because your stupid ass never confessed.” 

“He knows,” Tooru says in a weak voice that made Sofía want to hug him, it was like the most horrible truth had made him crash into the floor. “I just really miss him. He can have a girlfriend if he wants, si él la quiere no me importa, pero yo quiero que él esté aquí en persona para poder abrazar porque lo extraño.” 

Both of them were lying on their floor, watching at the ceiling of their apartment where a crack started to appear. They didn’t talk for a while, not until Juan Gabriel went to a group called Reik.

“Alejandro me terminó.” 

“No me la contés... I’ll kill him, I’ll go and kill him.” 

“It’s okay, although we have been together since our first year. He started acting weird two weeks ago. I confronted him and he said it got boring, that he didn’t feel the same as the beginning, and if there is no love then there is no hope.”

“That sucks, you should go and throw eggs at his house, like in that movie we saw the other day.” Sofia laughed at his joke, the whole idea of her throwing eggs into his house seems like something she would do. “If I still love Hajime that means that there is still hope right?”

“It might. If he loves you back. Although he is taken right now.” 

“Yeah, although I’m not sure this is romantic love anymore. I just love him because he is my best friend, and I love all my friends.”

“Cheese” 

Reik songs were surely from another world because the more they listened to them, the more depressed they felt. 

Lo que no sabes es que

Yo quisiera ser ese por quien te desvelas y te desesperas

Yo quisiera ser tu llanto, ese que viene de tus sentimientos

Yo quisiera ser ese por quien tú despertaras ilusionada

Yo quisiera que vivieras de mí siempre enamorada

“I hate knowing Spanish. Ugh, why are your songs so heartbreaking?” 

“You are just projecting, also this song was written for you,” Sofía said while looking around. 

Their apartment was actually really dirty. They had accumulated the dishes from the past three days and haven’t thrown the garbage yet. Tooru was still trying to adapt between his training, his job, the academy, and a completely different country; and Sofía was on her finals. So they were pretty fucked up.

“We could clean the apartment.” She spoke.

“Yeah, we probably should.”

“Do you wanna go drinking?”

“Yeah, I’ll shower first.”

One of the best things that Sofia was half Chilean and raised in Chile was that she was able to switch accents, and in many Buenos Aires’ bars that meant free drinks. Tourist's free drink

Okay so maybe they had been living in Argentina for a while, but no one needed it to know. They could just be the foreigners who got really drunk because 1) He missed his best friend, plus the crush of his life, plus he got a new girlfriend, and 2) She had broken up after two years of relationship. 

“Did he say anything else?”

“He said that it got boring. That we got bored. I don’t know who he thinks he is, but I’m not bored. I climb mountains, I go trekking, I go partying, I like camping and I scream in roller coasters. I’m not a boring person, I know how to dance. You know what? Let's go dance.” She grabbed him by the hand and pushed him into the dancing floor.

“I don’t know how to dance to this music!” 

“Me neither! just move with the rhythm.” 

Something possessed Sofia’s body. The way she was moving, the way her fingers hid on her hair. It was magnetic, like throwing all her problems away. And it was contagious. 

Just move.

You have to feel the music.

“Look, first you need to move your hips. It’s not that difficult, move them with the rhythm.”

His body was a little tense, but the alcohol was slowly starting to affect him. He swears he can feel every note with his pores. Slowly, Sofia got close and the both of them started dancing, it was different. In Japan he was still underage, he wasn’t allowed in clubs, or in bars. He couldn’t even drink yet. But he was in Argentina, he can drink, he can drive, he is legally allowed to go to clubs and bars, and especially, he could dance like that. Hajime would probably say it was gross, to move like that in public. His mom would probably faint. His sister would probably laugh. 

But inside that club no one cared, it was normal. 

It felt liberating. 

They kept dancing, his body moving in ways totally not safe for children to watch. They took pictures and uploaded Instagram photos they will regret the next day. But it was worthy, every second of that night was worthy. 

Sofía had laughed at him while he tried his best to move with the music. He was just happy she stopped being sad over her breakup, even if it had been just a couple of hours ago. Tooru deeply down knew that the reason they got along so well was that they were slightly similar, and as a person who knew how to analyze people, he soon realized that this was her before starting her grieving process. 

With all honesty, Tooru never actually grieved any of his relationships. Sure, he cried for a week and that was it, he never had to go for the stages, and if he did he didn’t even realize. The only time he remembered having felt anything slightly similar to a breakup was when he confessed. He was sad all the time and tried to keep their friendship with Hajime as strong as possible, the hating him and rebounding never really happened because he decided that he could never hate Hajime, it was just not possible, but the missing part and the acceptance that they would never be a thing happened in Argentina. The moving on part? He was still working on it. 

Oikawa had to carry Sofia back into their apartment, and as she stepped inside, she ran to the bathroom. The sound of her puking was disgusting, so as soon as he took out his shoes, the inevitable retching made him run to the bathroom too. 

“You know, now that we have shared a bathroom to vomit, we are sure soul bonded. Nada puede romper esta amistad, esto funciona como amarre de amiguis para siempre.” 

“I don’t know what amarre means.”

Tooru puked on the sink and Sofia on the toilet. It sure was a bonding activity. 

“I didn’t even drink that much,” he said. 

“Yeah, but you are Asian.”

“Rude and racist.”

“But true, you guys have the resistance of a newborn.” 

At almost six in the morning, Oikawa went back to his room. The bedsheets were cold, and he still could feel his head spin around, looking at the ceiling was already dizzying. So he closed his eyes and went to sleep. He doesn’t remember more than drinking, dancing, and puking. He doesn’t really remember taking his phone. He surely doesn’t remember texting anyone.

When he wakes up the next Sunday, the sound of the radio in the kitchen takes him by surprise. Oikawa surely didn’t hope for Sofia to be awake. 

He slowly takes his phone to check at the hour. 

13:18 pm

[10 messages unread from Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶] 

To: Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶(5:54)

you know she is so prerty, like so so prettu 

i think shr is grest fforuou

[audio 1:52]

fuck sorry

i miss you

From: Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (11:00)

what are you talking about?? Do you mean Emily? Or Sofia? 

Do you like Sofia? 

[reply: [audio:1:52]] were you drinking? 

[reply: [audio:1:52]] don’t do this, pls dont bc i don’t think i can take it anymore

You don’t what knowing what it could have been does to me

Fuck, where are you? Answer me pls

Where are you now? Are you safe?

Did you get home?

Answer when you see this

Fuck Tooru, I’m sorry 

i miss you too

“Fuck fuck fuck” Tooru wake up not with only a headache, but also the surprise that he had texted Hajime. He had, undoubtedly, fucked up. 

To: Iwa-chan ٩(◕‿◕)۶ (13:20)

honestly, I don’t remember sending you anything so just delete it pls

sorry about the trouble, we went out to a boliche ytd and it got out of hand

i got home at 5:00 am, sort of

please forget about last night, it was nothing 

I’ll go get lunch now

sorry if I worried you

When Tooru left his room, their apartment looked different. Not only because it was clean, but also all the furniture had been moved.

The smell was also different, it wasn’t anything Sofía used to cook, but instead, a familiar smell amused him.

“That’s miso soup.” 

“Hey, duermes como un camión, do you have a hangover?” 

“You made miso soup?”

“Ve a lavarte para que podamos almorzar.” 

“Jeez, are you my mom?” 

“You live under my roof and pay half of the usual rent. Anda a lavarte que te ves como un muerto.” 

“Bueno gracias eh, me encanta tu apoyo moral.” While seeing himself in the mirror, he could tell, he did look dead. While washing his face with cold water, the vibration of his phone in his pocket gave him a little hit in his chest. He wasn’t going to look; he at least was going to eat whatever the fuck Sofía had cooked. 

When they are sitting in front of each other, he is sure he is about to cry. 

“Why did you do all of this?” 

On the table, there was miso soup, a bowl of rice, grilled salmon, and a bowl with avocado, edamame, cucumber, and radish. The soup tasted identical to the flavor he remembered, the tofu was soft, and the broth was hot. He ate a bit of everything before he could feel his throat sore. 

Everything tasted as he remembered. 

Like the easy lunch, his sister would do to him when she was in a hurry. 

Like his nephew's favorite dish. 

Like breakfast on a Monday mornings with Hajime. 

Like crushing at Hajime’s after school for them to pretend to study when they only played games. 

Like his mother’s hugs when he was a child. 

Like Hajime’s scent when they fall asleep in his bed. 

It tasted like home. 

He couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t contain the tears anymore.

“I heard you last night.” She said, eating her rice with chopsticks like a pro. “Tooru, I also know what it feels like to leave your home, and miss your friends. Leaving everything you know because you can no longer grow in your own country. We haven't known each other for a long time, and my situation might be more favorable, but I know you are a good person. So, you can rely on me if you want.” 

The taste of the food in his mouth, the feelings of a sort-of-fight with Hajime, the warmth that Sofia’s presence gave him. Everything felt overwhelming, and he couldn’t contain it anymore.

“I miss my mom, and my friends, and I miss Miyagi’s cherry blossoms and eating gyunyupan after school.” He started crying. “And I miss Hajime so much that I feel my heart tearing apart every time I hear his voice, fuck.” 

He hasn’t allowed himself to cry since he got to Buenos Aires, not a single time. But now, with the smell of home and the kindest of a friend, he let himself go. And she only listens, she waits for him to be over, she brings him a glass of water, she waits until he is done, and when he finally is, both of them eat their lunch together.

He tells her what happened with Hajime at night, and she listens. 

“You are an idiot.” She says, “You should probably just confess.”

“I don’t think I need to confess because I don’t miss him that way. I miss watching movies with him or going to karaoke with Iwa, Makki, and Mattsun after practice. I don’t miss him romantically, I just miss him as my best friend you know? ” 

“I understand, so maybe you should try something new with someone else? I can organize a karaoke with the guys if you want.” 

“That’s not necessary, I don’t think I can sing in Spanish yet. I tried being with someone else too, I still talk to Javier and we go out sometimes, but I always come back to missing Hajime.” 

“Then you are pretty much fucked up.” 

“Lo sé.” Tooru drank from his bowl, it really felt comforting. “Hey, Sofia.”

“Yeah?”

“Gracias.” 

「じょ助けになれて良かった」

“Wow, you are a natural.”  

It felt oddly comfortable to spend November in Buenos Aires, 180° degrees change from the cold in Miyagi. Spring had always been his favorite season; it wasn’t that hot, and it wasn’t cold. It was perfect weather. Sofía was spending her Sunday with her cousin, and the quietness of the apartment felt heavier than ever. Tooru had already gone for a run, finished his Spanish work, and did his lunch for the next day. The only thing left to do was call his friends. Hajime hasn’t answered his chat yet, Matsu and Makki were probably still sleeping and didn't check on their phones. However, her sister saw his message firsthand.

To: お姉ちゃん ♡ (19:22)

私はクリスマスに家に帰いかません

It didn’t take her more than one minute to call him. 

「はあ？！何で？？お母さんは君が来るのを楽しみにしています、猛も」

「フライトは40000円以上。 ブランコは私のフライトの半分を支払いました」

「はあ？！？！そんなにお金？」

「はい、俺も言った」

「なるほど、でも一は帰ってくるよね？？」

「わからない、彼はおそらく彼の彼女と一緒にいるだろう」

「彼女？！？！」

Tooru hasn’t exactly recovered from his emotional slip, he didn’t tell anyone about his struggles so for anyone's eyes, he was adapting very well. They didn’t know that walking at night in Buenos Aires wasn’t the same as walking at night in Sendai. They didn’t know that his grades at the academy haven’t improved and that he struggled with things having gender. 

For the past five months, he hasn’t spoken a lot of Japanese, not even with Hajime. Talking with his sister was refreshing, even if you could tell that both were sad because he wasn’t going to be able to go back to Japan for Christmas. Really, he hasn’t considered how much he missed his sister. Since she moved to the center of Sendai and became independent, they haven’t talked much, but now he misses even their fighting. 

When he hanged up with the promise of going back when he goes pro, Tooru checked his Line chats. 

[28 unread messages from "Club de fans de Juan Gabriel"]

[2 unread messages from Hajime <3]

He opens Hajime's chat first. 

From: Hajime <3 (19:56)

Sorry I was studying with some friends

What did you want to tell me? 

To: Hajime <3 (19:56)

Noo you are making other friends 

U r gonna forget me 

From: Hajime <3 (19:56)

Never

To: From: Hajime <3 (19:57)

[audio 1:56]

“So yeah, I won’t be able to go back to Miyagi. If you do then pass to my house and visit my sis, she misses you. I’m pretty sure mom does too. Well, maybe I’m asking too much, and you are going to spend Christmas with your girlfriend... if that’s so then forget what I asked.”

*Sent* 

Oikawa waited until Hajime sent a reply, but he hasn’t listened to the last audio. 

“So you are not going back to Japan for Christmas?” Sofía said from the kitchen, appearing like a ghost haunting him in his nightmares. He hasn’t even heard the door. 

“CASI ME MATAS DEL SUSTO. Where did you come from?”

“I told you I was coming at eight, answer my question.”

“El solo vuelo de ida cuesta más de 34.000 pesos.”

“Yeah, you are not going anywhere. Anyway, querés pionono?” 

“What the fuck is pionono? Why do you Spanish speakers have so many weird words?” 

“You haven’t been in Chile, try to guess what sopaipilla means.” 

Buenos Aires (Diciembre 2013)

He wasn’t used to fake snow. It was weird, like an illusion that said “hey, it’s Christmas and you should wrap yourself” but his common sense said “are you stupid? It’s 38 degrees outside.” Fucking summer. Buenos Aires’ summer was suffocating. Not like Miyagi’s, because sometimes Miyagi is cold even in summer.

Jorge Blanco was waiting for him in the gym, his training was being harder these days, as the sweat from the hot weather wasn’t enough.

Blanco was drinking from his bottle sitting close to a window in the gym’s hallway. Oikawa went sitting by his side when he noticed Blanco's hand calling him.

“Te ves… feliz?”

“Gracias por notarlo”

“Pasó algo? Oikawa asked. He was genuinely curious. He was good at reading people, good at figuring out their feelings.

“Don’t freak out,” Blanco said. “But I’m not training you anymore.”

The news comes to him like a bucket full of cold water with ice.

“What? Did I do something wrong? You can’t say ‘don’t freak out’ and then throw me something like that in my face.”

“You are starting to freak out.”

Tooru was dead silent. He is trying to figure things out, thinking every moment he might fucked up. He was always on time. He had improved his game. His sets were even better than in high school. He always took care of his health. He followed Blanco’s routine exactly as he told him to.

“Tooru, I can see your brain burning. I told you not to freak out.”

“Then why? Why are you not training me anymore? Did- did I do something wrong? Did I piss you off?”

“Not at all, you have been my best disciple.” Blanco started, and with a fond smile he looked at Tooru full of pride, he even looked like a proud father after his first son showed him his first draw. But Tooru wasn’t his son, and he didn’t like to draw. “Someone sent me an email last night, Fabián Armoa. Do you know him?”

“I have seen his interviews.” Fabian Armoa was the coach of the San Juan Volleyball club, one of the most recognized teams in Argentina. Fuck, he already knew the team from even before moving.

“Good, because he knows who you are.” Blanco states. The single thought of the UPCN San Juan volleyball team’ coach knowing who he was gave Tooru goosebumps. “They are looking for new members. And they are interested in you. You’ll have to go to San Juan in January, it’s only two weeks from now. They’ll put you on a team with everyone who was invited. If you pass to the next stage you’ll play a practice match with San Juan’s team, and they’ll evaluate your abilities and see if you stay or not. Does this sound good to you?”

“San Juan… wants me?” His voice sounds like a broken whisper, he is still trying to process the information, and by the time he realizes he is crying, he can’t stop himself, and the only words he hears in his head are the same words he has grasped since last year.

                                                                                                「 

お前は俺の自慢の相棒で

ちょうスゲエセッターだ

この先チー厶が変わったも、それは変わんねえ

                                                                                         」

“Yeah… Club ciudad del Bolívar also sent me an email, along with Buenos Aires Unidos. But San Juan’s team has their inscriptions first. After today you are going to rest your mind, leave the stress and your anxiety behind, please leave your anxiety behind.” Jorge remarked. “Tooru you can stop crying, I only made you come because I figured you’ll want to set for excitement, and honestly I haven’t spiked in a while. What do you say?”

Tooru cleaned his eyes, now full of happiness. He couldn’t believe it. Before everything else happened, he looked into Blanco’s eyes and hugged him. Blanco was considerably bigger than him, but he returned the hug. It was a little sweaty because it was 38 degrees, but it was totally worth it.

“I wouldn’t have make it without you,” Tooru says, and he knows its truth. Jorge took him out of his home, trained him in a completely different land, helped him with his migration papers, helped him find a place where to live. Tooru owes him almost everything.

“Don’t thank me, we wouldn’t be here if you weren’t a hard worker. All of this is the fruit of your effort.” Those words only made Tooru cry harder, but after he recomposed himself he set for Blanco, a dream come true. He sets until he gets exhausted, and his bones and muscles are praying for him to stop. That was undoubtedly one of Tooru Oikawa’s firsts and greatest days. 

He texted the boys first, made a mental note to call his sister too, and then enjoyed the hot water of the shower running into his body.  When he goes out of the showers to talk with Blanco about all the details, Sofía is waiting for him on one of the benches. 

“Hey,” she said.

“You knew.” 

“I was trying not to slip. I think I did a very good job.” He sat by her side and showed him his phone. It was a picture of Hajime and Emily. Both of them were holding a notebook with the word “congratulations” written in it and a lot of colors. Lately, the girl hasn't gotten into his nerves, but he still had an unsettling feeling inside. 

“They went on a beach date after their class.”

“Mmh, she is pretty.”

“Yeah she is, I think I don’t resent her so much now.” Sofia made a face looking at his phone. “For what it’s worth you are more pretty.”

“Awww, stop it. You are gonna make me blush.” She returned his phone and looked directly into his eyes.

“What did you do? It feels like you killed someone.”

“I might have told my mom that you weren’t going back to Japan for Christmas and that you were going to be alone for the end of the year.”

“So?”

“She invited you to Santiago with me and uncle Jorge, only if you want. Piénsalo muy bien, son casi 20 horas de Jorge Blanco cantando a Miranda.”

“I like Miranda.”

“I know you love my uncle, but he is not Alejandro Sergi.”

Santiago (Diciembre 2013)

To: Hajime <3 (15:04)

CAN YOU SEE THIS HILL???? IT’S MORE THAN 6000 METERS 

WTF

 富士山 IT’S ONLY 3.000???? 

To: Hajime <3 (15:05)

You know, I love Blanco, I really do, but if I heard him singing to the same Ana Gabriel song one more time I’m going to explode

Idk how his wife can stand him singing

Well she is singing along idt she minds

The song is called “no te hago falta” btw

I know you are in you last exam so all luck <3

Also, I don’t have data so you’ll receive this when I’m connected to wifi

OMG LOOK AT THIS 

[photo]

[photo]

[photo]

Sofía says hi 

[photo] 

To: Hajime <3 (16:57) 

Hi darling, Sofía here

this mfkr got sleep

[photo] i drew him a penis jijiji

From: Hajime <3 (18:45)

I’m guessing you are connected to wifi now

Say hi to Sofía

I thought the Andes Mountains had snow?? 

Emily says hi too

If you see a moai in a chain bring it to me 

I really want one 🗿🗿🗿

To: Hajime <3 (18:45)

It has snow but in winter duh 

It’s summer here

Sofía’s parents welcomed them with open arms, two tables full of food, and a whole barbecue. At first, Tooru wasn’t sure that visiting another country would be okay, but it turned out that Japanese people didn’t need a visa to visit Chile so that was a safeguard (and the fact that going to Chile was way cheaper than going back home).

During those two weeks, Tooru Oikawa did a lot of first things.

He ate turkey for the first time in his life. He goes inside a winery for the first time, courtesy of Jorge Blanco. He got wasted with a drink called «cola de mono» prepared by Sofía’s mother. When he went out, he had his first kiss between three people at a nightclub. He went up the tallest Latin American building for the first time. He learns how to cook ginger cookies, and he kisses Sofía under new year’s firework on Alameda Avenue.  

Both of them laughed at it, it was a friendly touch of lips. They laugh at it and hug while watching the fireworks. No real feelings were involved. 

From: Hajime <3 (00:00)

Happy new year, Tooru. 

I wish I were there with you

I know everything you do is the fruit of your hard work, and I really admire that

My Christmas gift should arrive in one month. 

[audio 2:34] 

I love u

And I miss you

San Juan (Enero, 2014)

From: Sofia (09:25)

VAMOS CON TODO NADA ES IMPOSIBLE NI UNA WEAAAA

Mirá este video pa sacar los nervios 

[video 1:01]

To: Sofia (09:26)

AKSJDKLSAJDKAS 

MI BARRIO ME RESPALDA SLAKJDKLSAJDLSAK BASTAAAA 

Me voy a empezar a poner las gafas así para que sepan que tengo barrio

From: Makki <3 (09:26)

rompete una pierna

Is that how you say it?

To: Makki <3 (09:27)

Yeah it is

Thank you 

From: Mattsun (09:25)

Good luck today 

Broke a leg or whatever 

We’ll be there for you if you want to cry after

To: Mattsun (09:26)

Thank you

I won’t cry

From: Mattsun (09:26)

bro u always cry

From: Hajime <3 (09:26)

Oi Tooru

I won’t say good luck because you don’t need it 

I just know you’ll do your best 

Just call me when is over

To: Hajime <3 (09:26)

I’m getting nervous

can I call you now? 

“You are gonna do great”

“I know. Just tell me about your week, that’s always settling.”

“Uhh, I went to a new Korean restaurant yesterday? We finished a project and one of the guys suggested this new place he found.”

“And it was good?”

“Oh my god- yes. Very much. I tried kimchi for the first time and it has no right to be that good.”

Tooru caught Blanco looking with the corner of his eyes. He was probably laughing at how Tooru was stupidly smiling. Listening to Hajime relaxed him, it always has.

When Blanco puts a hand on his shoulder, Tooru says goodbye, leaves his phone in his bags and walks into the San Juan Volleyball team’s gym. 

Buenos Aires (Febrero, 2014)

Tooru kept looking at the city from the balcony of his apartment. It was beautiful, the lights, the sounds of cars in the back, and the two same stars that he could barely see thanks to the pollution. He held his mate in one hand and his phone in the other. Hajime’s chat was still waiting for him to open it, and Matsukawa has sent some pictures to their group chat that he still hasn’t seen. His attention was all in a name from his contact list. 

It has been a while, I should probably call. She should be already awake by now. He thought.

While the ring sounded, he drank from his tea. The bitter taste was something that he fell in love with a long time ago. Sometimes he would add grapefruit, other times only cedar and lemon, but he usually would drink it alone. 

His phone rang, and rang, and rang. And then, after a few seconds of waiting, a calm voice sounded from the other line. 

「お母さんのことを忘れていたと思います」

「決してそれをしないだろう」

They talked, and it was a long chat. She scolded him for waiting so long to call her (like she didn’t know how to make a phone call). She spoke a lot too, but Tooru doesn’t care because he knows he talks a lot too. She tells him about that one time she fought with a woman at the supermarket, and that Takeru started doing volleyball at school. He hopes his nephew doesn’t quit after three months like in all his other sports clubs. Her mom says that she probably should go buy some miso because there is almost no left, and he tells her that in Buenos Aires there is a store of typical Asian food, and he found white miso there. She also speaks about his sister; they went to eat Korean food at a restaurant in Sendai for Takeru’s birthday, but she didn’t like the spiciness of their food. 

Tooru also talked to her. He told her that he is improving his game, and he became a volleyball teacher in the gym he trains. They pay him better than in the store he was working on, he says. He also promises to cook her alfajores when he goes to visit. Sofia taught him how to make them, he explains. He also tells her that Hajime and the others would call him when he moves so they could celebrate online. Of course, he didn't tell her why he must move, so she got curious. 

「もうすぐ引っ越します」

「何？どうして？何かが起こったのですか？」

「いいえ、サンファンチームは私にセッターポジションを提供しました」

When Tooru gives her the news, he hears her cry of joy, which made him cry too. He made it, all his efforts, his sweat, blood, and tears had finally made fruits. 

「私は君を本当に誇りに思っています」

「やめて、君は私を泣かせるつもりだ」

“It feels weird, we have been living together for seven months and now you are leaving me,” Sofía said. It really felt strange, they learned how to live together and how to take care of each other’s flaws. Now he would have to learn how to live completely alone, that was the first step. 

The boxes in the apartment felt heavier than expected, at some point Tooru knew that he was gonna leave Buenos Aires, even if he had fallen in love with it, he never thought it would be that soon but always knew he would have to. Apparently, surprises were like that, unexpectedly expected. 

“My uncle is with his car downstairs, do you think all your boxes will fit?”

“Yeah, it’s almost just clothes.” Tooru said, looking longing at what he was leaving behind. 

“And the waffle machine you stole from me.” 

“Hey- you don’t even use it! Why would you want a machine you don’t use!”

“We are not fighting over the waffle machine! We are not a married couple. I’ll go see why my uncle is taking so much.” 

It felt empowering, to know he was part of one of the best teams. Not only the best but also the same team Blanco used to play in his golden years. Maybe they’ll let him use their number too.

*knock knock* 

He stopped thinking about his upcoming adventures to open the door. “You know, if you keep forgetting your keys I won’t be here to-” 

 「久しぶり」

Right in front of him, the living figure of Iwaizumi Hajime was standing in the door frame. 

「お前は俺に言ったはずです」

It felt unreal. Like the whole world had stopped turning. Hajime’s and Tooru’s arms wrap around the other. It was electric, unreal, his lungs had stopped working and all he could do was hugging his best friend.  He didn’t know why he was there, but the only thought he had was «finally». 

In an unexpected turn of events, Hajime had ended up with Tooru in the back of Blanco’s car. He had arrived in Argentina a couple of hours before his great appearance, and Sofia had sent him their address. Tooru didn’t even know they followed each other, it had been weird to know they usually have trivial conversations on the internet. 

Speaking of Sofia, of course she wasn’t gonna be alone in her apartment waiting for her uncle’s return, no. In fact, she had been the first one to get into the car. And her mischievous glare through the rearview mirror gave Tooru goosebumps. Hajime being sleep curled up against Tooru’s body wasn’t making anything easier. 

It was as easy as a touch of skin, and he could feel an overwhelming heat running through his veins. They haven’t seen each other in eight months, and with all honestly, the most expected thing to do for your spring holidays was to go back home, not visit another country only to see your best friend. 

To: Mattsun (12:56)

Did you know that Iwa was coming to Argentina?

From: Mattsun (12:57)

Why do you assume I knew? 

To: Mattsun (12:57)

I’m not assuming you dweeb 

I’m asking you bc you two are pretty close 

From: Mattsun (12:57)

Yeah, I knew

Look, this is not my place but

I think you two need to talk 

Like having a serious conversation

I know you didn’t want anything to change, and that you told him not to tell me

And he didn’t, but I still figured it out and when I confront him a couple of months ago he confirmed it 

You fucked him up 

To: Mattsun (12:58)

Wait what? the fuck r u talking about? 

Confirm what?

From: Mattsun (12:58)

That you confess idiot

I know you did 

But you didn’t let him say anything and that fucked him up 

srsly just listen to him 

It might help you heal

To: Mattsun (12:58)

YOU KNEW ABOUT THAT AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME???? 

Help me heal? Wtf r u saying I don’t need healing 

I did what I had to do for me to have peace with MYSELF and left with no regrets 

I made peace with the fact that we weren’t meant to be

I don’t need to heal from that cause I already did 

From: Mattsun (12:59)

omg this is gonna be long

“you weren’t meant to be” wtv you say man

okay so let’s say you weren’t selfish and that you left Japan having no regrets, don’t you think he stayed having all the regrets? Didn’t you think that by not letting him respond to you he would end up fucked up? 

Didn’t you think you were gonna hurt him more by not letting him say anything back? 

between the two of you, you were the only one who left in peace

Look, this is gonna sound really rude and i’m sorry but it’s late and u know i’m more honest at night 

you say you have healed but you are always posting pictures at parties or videos where you dance shamelessly with other men when he uploads pictures with his gf 

Do you think that’s the behavior of someone who had made peace with the fact that the man they are in love with is dating someone else??

And i couldn’t give a kilometer of fuck about your social media but he sees those pictures too

To: Mattsun (13:00)

WAIT 

NONONONO

I’M STOPPING YOU RIGHT THERE

1. I go out with my friends here because I WANT TO
2. I literally post about everything I do wtf are you talking about, yesterday I upload pictures with my friends drinking starbucks

If you want to give me shit because I go out too much fine 

But don’t say it’s because he has a gf

I stopped caring about that a while ago

3. Me dancing with my men friends or my girlfriends and going drinking has nothing to do with the fact Iwa is dating someone 

I just enjoy it, it’s different from what I was used to, people here are different and I got used to their way of living, I really enjoy it 

So don’t give me that crap

4. go to hell I’m not in love with him 
5. Why would I care if he sees those pictures??? He has a gf n as far as i know they like each other very much 

From: Mattsun (13:01)

Okay sorry sorry my bad don’t get mad 

4 sounds like decades of denial tho

Look, I’m just trying to prove a point 

You both need to talk 

You really don’t know what you did to him so just

sit and listen to him, have a proper conversation

If you say you are healed from all the pain leaving caused you then at least do this for him so he can heal too

Also you need to apologize

To: Mattsun (13:01)

Yeah I know that 

Does Makki know about this?

From: Mattsun (13:01)

What do you think??

“¿y a ti que te pasa?” He hears Sofia talking from the front seat. It was really a miracle how well they connected, how well they got to know each other. The only person who could possibly beat her was sleeping right next to him. 

“Creo que la re cagué, Sofi.”

She turned her head to look at him, her kind eyes looking directly at him, and wearing the brightest smile she had said:  “If there is love, then there is also hope, right?” 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m sending a picture of us to my mom, she misses you, idiot,” Hajime said. “This town is nice, nothing compared to Sendai.” 

“It’s a really small town actually,” Blanco said while entering the new apartment. “It’s full of valleys, now that you are here maybe you two could go for a tour. La quebrada de Zonda is in this province.” Jorge said, looking directly at Tooru. It was embarrassing how he was trying to set up something, as he knew Tooru and Hajime had a long conversation waiting for them. 

“We’ll think about it.” Tooru put the last box on the floor. This was it, this was their goodbye. “Thank you, Jorge. The months we spend practicing, I won’t forget them. I won’t forget any of it.” 

It was weird to see Blanco crying, not only because he was a big man that looked ugly when he cried, but also because during all his life Jorge Blanco had been his biggest inspiration for volleyball. Never in a million years, he would think that Blanco would cry for him leaving his nest. 

“I admired you all my life, you were the main reason I tried playing volleyball, and I ended up becoming a setter, just like you. And because I have met incredible people, my best friends back home and the ones I made here. You said that I had the potential to become one of the best setters in the field and took me under your wing, without a doubt, without a second thought. You believed in less than a second. You trained me, I met amazing people because of you, so I couldn’t be more grateful for everything you’ve done for me. For that and everything I can’t say, thank you so much!” Tooru bowed as if he was in Japan, and the tears started falling from his eyes. 

“Tooru you are making me cry harder.” It was emotional, they were crying, and Sofia also was crying, even Hajime’s eyes who had arrived hours watered.

“Sofia,” Tooru started. “I can’t even start- Thank you for everything. You didn’t have to become my friend, but you received me in your home with open arms and quickly became the first friend I made here. A part of me will always be attached to Plaza de Mayo and our numberless Sunday's outings.”

“Don’t say that like we are never seeing each other again!!” Sofia took him from the arms and shouted. “You are the best! You’ll do great and become the best setter that ever lived in this land!!” 

Her words just make him cry harder. They hug so strongly that Tooru worried he could leave bruises around her arms. She disappeared into the bathroom.

“Tooru,” Jorge said. “I’m honored I had the chance to train you. You are the best disciple I ever had, my only one actually. So I’m gonna give you my last advice: diviértete Totito. El vóley es divertido, vos lo disfrutás hasta el hueso, que nunca, pero nunca te olvides de eso. Porque si lo haces la miseria te va a comer vivo. Y un jugador miserable, no es un jugador feliz.” 

Hajime’s face was unique, he didn’t understand shit of his advice, but the only feeling of listening to Jorge Blanco speak made him feel a pressure in his chest. In the end, he was also his biggest fan. 

When Sofia returned, she and Blanco said their last goodbye and went back to Buenos Aires. Tooru could swear he can feel Sofia crying the whole trip.  

“Well, that was awkward,” Hajime said. They were now left alone in an apartment full of boxes, still waiting to be unpacked, and with a silence that could penetrate their bones. 

“How long are you staying?” Tooru asked.

“I have to be back during the first week of March,” Hajime answered. 

“You are tanned.” Tooru noticed. He had seen Hajime from a webcam all those months, so of course he knew. But seeing him in person was still shocking. 

“California is sunny all year. But you have also changed, an undercut? You are taller too.” 

“Yeah… my hair bothered me while playing. A neighbor cut it for me.” 

The silence filled the room, and when Tooru’s eyes finally met Hajime’s none of them were able to hold their tears. 

「岩... 抱きしめて」

Hajime’s arms felt stronger, even Tooru being the taller one, his arms wrapped around him like they were always made to hold him. It has always been like that, in his weakest moments, Hajime had always been there to hold him. But since he started living on his own and thousands of kilometers separate them, Tooru has forgotten how it felt to be hugged by him. It felt like breathing after a marathon, like breathing after trying to reach the bottom of a pool in its deepest part.

But above all things, it felt like coming home. 

“I missed you too, Oikawa.”

They don’t talk about their issue right away. Instead, they wake up every morning and have breakfast in the kitchen, speak about their lives away from home, and how they miss the same things from Japan. Matsukawa and Hanamaki call them via skype every morning, and by lunchtime, they went out to eat at any place they can find. They go turisting and when the night falls Tooru grabs Hajime by the hand like they used to do when they were kids, except they are not kids anymore. He grabs his hand and drags him into any bar so he can teach him everything he knows about the Argentinian specialties, such as local beers and his special demon: fernet with cola. He can still remember the horrible headache he had after Sofía’s birthday. 

And then, after they both get drunk together in another country far far away from their home, they’ll go back into Tooru’s apartment and crash in their bed, they’ll look into each other’s eyes until falling asleep. Hajime would trace Tooru’s face with his finger until he stopped at his lips, and Tooru’s hand would travel into Hajime’s hair, and his heart would stop at the bare touch of Hajime’s finger in his low lip. Yet, without wanting to say anything, they’ll fall asleep and wake up the next day completely ignoring how Tooru’s body fits perfectly against Haijime’s. 

It felt oddly warm to be together again. It wasn’t until Hajime’s last week in Argentina that Hajime brought up what they had avoided so hard. 

“Oikawa, I think we need to talk.” Hajime had said, only looking into the cup of coffee he held in his hand.  

“I know,” Tooru said. “We should go camping.” 

Hajime didn’t say anything at first, didn’t even look at him, but quietly answered “Okay.” 

The shopping center of San Juan offered them a camping store, and after discussing like two idiots outside the store,  they finally cave into Blanco’s suggestion. 

“This tent is for two people.” 

“Mmh. But when I leave you’ll be by yourself. And you don’t even like camping.” 

“I might bring myself to enjoy it for once. The last time I camped I was ten so maybe things have changed.” Tooru said, adding the tent to their shopping cart. 

“Here, this bag seems comfy.” 

The next day they rented a car and ended up camping two hours away from the city. «Camping La Morada Aventura» had good recommendations on the internet so that was their destiny. 

Gloria Trevi was playing in the car as Hajime filmed a video of Oikawa driving. 

“Can you believe this motherfucker learned how to drive here at the end of the world but wasn’t able to drive his mom’s car back home?” 

“It’s easier this way! I’m right-handed so it’s easier if the gear stick it’s at my right! At least I have a license, unlike you. Jorge taught me.” Tooru said, showing his tongue and middle finger to Hajime. 

“You even go by the first name with him! Man, I'm so jealous.” 

“Everyone goes by first name here, Hajime .”

“Stoooop, that’s so embarrassing.” 

Tú, con la luna en la cabeza

El lugar en donde empieza

El motivo y la ilusión de mi existir

Tan solo tú

Solamente quiero que seas tú

Mi locura, mi tranquilidad y mi delirio

Mi compás y mi camino

Solo tú

Solamente quiero que seas tú

Te pongo en tus manos mi destino porque vivo

Para estar siempre, siempre, siempre, siempre contigo amor

“Iwa... why did Matsukawa tell me we need to talk?” Tooru asked. He didn’t drag the matter anymore, he went directly to the point. At another time he at least would have a more subtle tone. 

Hajime stopped laughing and looked at the radio like somehow he could understand the words that the band Camila was playing. 

“I broke up with Emily two weeks before coming.” He said. Those were some news, something Hajime had saved to tell him in person, but Tooru knew that wasn’t what they needed to talk about. 

“That’s not all, isn't it?” 

It wasn’t. Tooru could tell by the way that Hajime’s shoulders stayed still, like a rock, as a subtitle he didn’t want to talk about it. 

“All my life I thought that you were gonna go college somewhere in Japan and join a local team there, starting your career maybe in Tokyo or Osaka, so when we encounter Blanco, and he said you had the potential to become one of the best setters, I thought «well that’s no news», but in the close of an eye, you told me you were moving abroad, and that Blanco had offered to train you personally.”

“So what? Did you get jealous or something? Is that why Mattsun said I had hurt ya´?” 

“No, idiot. I realized that you were going abroad and that there was nothing I could do to stop you. I knew from the start that ya’ weren’t gonna be fully satisfied no matter what kind of tournament you’ll win and that volleyball was always gonna be your first priority. So I shut up everything, everything I wanted to tell you I shut them up.” Hajime said. “It wasn’t until… until you confessed that night that I realized how much hurt me knowing you were going to leave.” 

“I told you to never bring that back.” Tooru said, bittersweet. He thought he had got over it, he really thought he had moved on. 

“I know, but I just did, what are you going to do about it?” Challenging words came out of his mouth, of course he wanted to talk about it,  the only reason they had never done so was that Tooru had explicitly asked him not to. 

“We are here.” Tooru closed the first part of the conversation. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t like he intentionally left because he wanted to hurt his best friend. He left because it was the only way, it was his only way of growing and getting stronger. What else was he supposed to do when he was no longer able to grow in his own country?

The camp had a big lake where you could fish, and rivers where you could go kayaking. The valleys around the lake were dry but still preserved some green blushes. In silence, they placed their tent and table. Even though it was the last days of summer vacation, there weren't many people close, maybe because it was Wednesday or maybe because people had got tired of these activities. 

“It looks pretty nice,” Hajime said. “Did you bring the anti-mosquitos spray?”

“Of course I did, I rather died from a volleyball in my face than from mosquitos bites,” Tooru said. He looked into his bag, quickly realizing that there was something missing. “Fuck, I didn’t bring our swimming clothes.” 

“So… we came all this way for a nice swim only for not being able to swim?” Hajime said, irritated.

“We can always swim in shorts tho, it’s almost the same thing.” 

So they did. They swam and went kayaking after lunch, they sent pictures to their friend group and videos to their moms, they laughed at Hajime’s horrible Spanish, they played Dixit at their table, and they completely forgot they had a conversation waiting for them. 

“Are you drinking weed? Isn’t that super bad for athletes?” 

“You smoke weed with your roomie at Irvine '' Tooru said accusatively. 

“Yeah... but I’m not playing for any team.” 

“Don’t worry, it’s mate, like a tea. D’ya wanna some?” 

Hajime tried to drink from Tooru’s straw until he pulled away.

“Ooole.”

“Don’t be an ass.” 

After laughing in his face, Tooru finally gave him the cup. It had a weird form, he had to accept it, but the face Hajime did when tasting the tea for the first time was priceless.

“It tastes like shit.” 

“Callaté la boca, no insultes la belleza de un buen mate. It takes a genius to acknowledge the beauty of a mate.” 

The night sky was clear and the stars were far more beautiful than the three white points he was able to watch from his terrace in Buenos Aires. Apparently, Hajime had thought the same. 

“I have never seen the sky like this. Sendai and Irvine have a lot of pollution.” 

“It’s beautiful,” Tooru said. He saw how Hajime kept drinking from his cup. He knew what he had said to Matsukawa the other day, that he was over him. However, looking at him under the light of the moon and with the stars in the back of the picture, he could only think one thing. 

I’m the biggest liar I know.

It wasn’t like he still had strong feelings for Hajime, he had discovered a part of himself in Buenos Aires that he didn’t know he had, kissing people while partying, flirting with other men that weren’t his best friend, trying to have something serious with a guy he met at the gym. The Oikawa Tooru from high school would have never imagined how his life would have changed. Would he be upset? Would he feel damaged? Out of place? Would he think that he wasn’t focusing on the volley hard enough? It didn’t matter anymore because the current Tooru Oikawa was very pleased with the person he was. 

“I don’t know if you know this but, today marks one year since you confessed to me,” Hajime said. There was a sadness in his eyes that Tooru couldn’t bring himself to name. “When you said you got feelings for me it was like you threw me a bucket full of frozen water because I had never, in my life, though for a second that my feelings were reciprocated.”

It was like the whole world had stopped, there was no air, there was no blood running through his veins, his rushing heartbeats didn’t matter anymore. Everything that matters was right in front of him, illuminated by the night sky and a single camping light at the edge of the table.

“But then, you told me to not say anything back, you wanted me to do like you have never said what you said, and so I did. I did because I knew that you were leaving, and it didn’t matter anymore because volleyball will always be your priority number one. Even if I loved you you were still leaving, and nothing I could say would have changed that. I cried every night until the day you left, I pretended that I didn’t know we could be a thing, and I let you believe that it wasn’t reciprocated. It fucked me up, it really did. The months before my Irvine acceptance letter arrived I couldn’t even eat properly.”

At this point of the conversation, or rather Hajime’s story, Tooru’s eyes had already started watering, and the tears running through his cheeks left him defenseless. 

“Why didn’t you tell me any of this sooner?” Tooru started crying.

“Oh please… you were in a totally different place. Argentina changed you, you were different! You got excited when people understood what you said, you were training with Blanco and I- I couldn’t say the truth. If I told you, I would have fucked you up too, and I didn’t want to be the reason for that. So I kept it to myself, and then I moved to Irvine and started a new life, and I understood exactly what you meant by being free. It was different, and suddenly I start forgetting about what people said, or my mother’s expectations on my personal life, and I- I-” 

“You started a relationship for the first time.” Tooru finished his sentence, knowing what he wanted to say before he could put the words to it. 

“But that also hurt me because- I still thought about you even when I was with her. She is on another level, I swear. But there was always something that reminded me of you, sometimes was coffee because you have always been an addict, other times it was the volleyball team that used to train close to our building, even puppy slippers that I knew you would have loved; I saw those things and the horrible feeling inside of me came back, so I tried to erase it by partying, going out with friends, caring for her, and when I thought I had finally overcome it, it happened all over again. It broke me inside, knowing we were the right people at the wrong time.” 

“Fuck-” Tooru managed to say by sobbing. “You could have told me! And we would have worked out, we could have done something! Anything!” 

“I was planning on telling you when we went back but I was with Emily, and then you told me that you were accepted here in an Argentinian team, and all this time I thought that when your training was over you would end up going back to Japan, but that was never in your plans wasn’t it? I was never in your plans either, we ran out of time a long time ago, Tooru.”

He could feel Hajime’s eyes looking at his trembling hands trying to warm himself with the mate cup that was already cold. Tooru looked up and felt his breath catch at the way Hajime was smiling at him. His cheeks were the testimony of his eyes crying a river but the tenderness that his gaze gave ripped him apart. It felt like the whole universe was laughing at them, them who had been desperately in love with each other, them who had hidden their feelings under an invisible blanket until it was too unbearable to hold. They were the right people, Tooru and Hajime wanted to believe they were, but even if they truly embraced the word soulmate, their lives still were in two different poles. 

“We can always try to have a long-distance relationship,” Tooru said, hopefully. The dream of at least having themself through time-space should be enough, it had to be. 

Hajime sobbed as he shook his head, breaking the last piece of hope Tooru held. “I don’t wanna love you through distance- I can’t- I- You deserve someone who is able to love you every morning when you wake up, and I want to be that person so desperately. But we both know that it’s not gonna work, we won’t work.” Hajime’s voice cracked, his hand reached Tooru’s in a desperate way of reaching him. It burned, every pore of his skin burned with the touch. “A relationship is demanding, it requires contact, being present in space, not being available only at certain hours in Skype. I want to love you properly. I want to give you flowers, and hold your hand in public, I want to make you a homemade cake for your birthday and ask your mother her blessing, I want the whisper at night and watch your stupid dramas while we lie down in bed, I want to hear you gossip about whatever new drama you found out and make you breakfast at morning Sundays. I want the whole thing, you deserve the whole experience and I can’t give you that now.”

“Will it ever be tho? Will we ever be enough? Will it ever be the time then?” Tooru asked.

Will it ever be enough? Neither of them had an answer to that question. Maybe one day Tooru would be invited to play at a team in Japan, maybe one day Hajime would work at a place closer to Tooru. Maybe one day they would end up living in the same city. At that point in their lives, they had no idea what the future held, and the future held more questions than answers. 

“I don’t know.”

After a moment of silence, both of them cleared their faces with the lake’s freshwater. It was cold enough to wake up the dead, and it definitely turned down their emotional state. 

“I think we should go to sleep. It’s almost midnight,” Hajime said, looking at his phone screen full of LINE messages from their family and friends. 

The walking to the tent was quiet, the sound of leaves and branches being crushed filled the place. Tooru looked at the surroundings, there were people camping at least fifty meters away. He silently hopes they didn’t listen to any of their conversations, and if they did they hope they don’t know English. They were already inside the camping tent, both with red and swollen eyes trying to settle their sleeping bags upside their camping mattress. 

Tooru didn’t really know if he could sleep knowing the person right by his side had the same feelings for him, but that they didn’t stand a chance to be together. 

“I’m sorry for everything.” Tooru said, not able to meet Hajime’s gaze. “That night, the only reason I told you to not reply to anything back was that the thought of you rejecting me was unbearable. It was selfish of me to confess, not let you say anything, and then move to another country. I didn’t know I was hurting you. If I had known then I wouldn’t have done everything I did.”

“Don’t apologize for having fun here, you couldn’t have known.” 

“Now that we establish that we won’t work as boyfriends, can I at least kiss you? I’ve never kissed you before.” Tooru said in a whisper, not wanting to meet Hajime’s eyes but he can assure he is not surprised. 

There was actually one time when they were both in their second year of high school when they almost kissed, it was a mistake. Tooru was going to kiss Hajime’s cheek and almost at the same time he got close to Hajime moved his face, their lips barely touched, and it was so embarrassing at the time that they never brought it up. 

Teenage Tooru always wondered what it felt like to kiss him. Grown-up Tooru did too. 

Hajime didn’t even say anything. He approached and placed his hand on Tooru's cheek. It was red and the cold feeling of his hand contrasted with the hot skin. The vibration Tooru’s body felt when their lips finally met encouraged him to move his lips. It had been so long since Tooru had renounced to the minimum idea of kissing Hajime, but the way their lips fit perfectly only made him grab harder to the idea of the stars aligned for the day they can finally be together.

Like if Tooru was made of porcelain, Hajime carefully pulled him against the mattress. It was like doing drugs because once they started, neither of them was able to pull apart. Grunting as his body met Hajime’s, any doubt had vanished as Hajime’s hand started caressing his waist. There was no way back, both of them were high from each other’s essence and Tooru’s smell had drowned Hajime at the bottom of the sea. 

“Iwa-” Tooru said between their kissing, both of them taking this instance to breathe. “I- I don’t mind, fuck, I really want to, it’s just that-”

“If you want me to stop then I’ll stop.”

“So thoughtful of you, but that’s not it. It’s just that…” Tooru tried to look away, but inside their camping tent there was almost no place to look. “I have never done this before, not from this position at least. It’s- It’s my first time.” 

“I haven’t done this before either, not like this. So we'll take it slow.” 

“We’ll take it slow,” Tooru repeated. 

They kissed again, Hajime gasped through the kiss as he felt how Tooru’s cold hands started taking out his shirt. When he switched to Tooru’s neck, Hajime fucking loses it. The moan that escaped Tooru’s mouth made his dick twist. He didn’t know he was sensitive there, maybe there were other parts where he was also sensitive? 

While with one hand he was caressing Hajime’s back, his free hand starting rubbing up against his shorts. It felt big . In all their years of friendship, none of them had ever seen the other naked, so this was the first impression Tooru had from Hajime’s dick. Hajime moaned while kissing Tooru’s neck, and it’s only then when he realized how hard he was, it didn’t take much time for him to strip off Tooru’s clothes and his own. 

“Ah-!” Tooru breaks out. Hajime’s fingers started rubbing one of his nipples, making a mess of him inside the small space they were in. “Stop teasing you scrub. Why are you pulling away?” 

“I’m looking for my lube.”

“You brought lube?! To a fucking camping park?”

“I-” Hajime couldn't even defend himself. “Look, I didn’t intend this to happen but if it did, then I wasn’t gonna be not prepared.” 

“Did you bring any condoms then?” 

“I-did-not. Fuck.” 

“You are an idiot. Who brings lube expecting to get laid but not condoms?” Tooru said, hiding his face between the palm of his hand. “I bring condoms in my bag.” 

As soon as he reached out, Hajime looked at Tooru lying on the mattress. They both were completely naked, exposed to the other’s eyes. Even if this was only a truce between their destinies, they didn’t care. 

Moving his hand down the newly fully naked body, Hajime kissed Tooru more along his sharp line jaw. 

“You are so beautiful,” Hajime said. “I don’t know how we never did this back in high school.” 

“We were two teenage closet boys who only thought of volleyball.” Tooru laughed.  

“Tooru,” Hajime said, his voice deeper than usual. “I’m gonna finger you now, okay?” 

“Okay,” Tooru answered, grabbing from the blankets that covered the tent. 

To ever imagine that he was gonna be having sex with Hajime in the middle of nowhere, well that was a wet dream come true. Hajime finally pushed one finger inside him, it slow and as far as it goes, it makes Tooru move to the side. It was warm and soft, and a little weird at first because Tooru is not used to an intruder, but every time Hajimes massages his hole it feels like he could die from holding his breath. 

“You are so tight,” Hajime said. It was only one finger at first, Tooru knew that he had to get used to it before there was anything else inside, but it still was uncomfortable to feel a finger inside of you, especially for him who was in the most compromised position. 

“Of fucking curse I am, I’ve never done this before.” 

“Mmn, let me distract you then.” Hajime bench himself so he could keep kissing him. Tooru’s open mouth seemed like an invitation for his tongue to discover as much as unexplored land he wanted. It was like Tooru always imagined, Hajime’s tongue was soft and warm, and his already swollen lips had him in a constant state of a high. He felt like the first time he smoked a blunt with Sofia, Javier, and Alejandro in his old apartment, relaxed and horny at the same time. 

“Iwa- Mmn- Iwa, fuck-”

“Hajime,” he said.

“What?” 

“When we are like this, call me Hajime.” He said while introducing a second finger full of lube. 

“ Ah- fuck! Fuck Hajime-” It felt so warm, his name being said as a moan kept repeating inside of his mind, and none of them was gonna forget, it was a unique sound that would be kept in a little box inside their brain only for them to remember. 

“Does it feel good?” 

“Yeah, fuck it does. But you- I wish you knew how this feels.” Tooru said, trying to recover from the feeling of now two fingers inside. He quickly realized that even if he has been having a good time, Hajime’s dick hasn’t been touched that much. So he slowly pressed his long fingers at the top and slowly started going to the bottom. 

Hajime’s twitch at the touch, he closed his eyes while still fingering Tooru. It was slow at first, trying to figure out if their positions worked, turns out it did. While Tooru’s moves were getting faster, so were Hajimes’. Now with three fingers inside, Tooru could barely keep his eyes open, and Hajime only wondered how his cock would feel inside him. 

“Tooru, oh my god-” He managed to say while slowly retiring his fingers. “Tooru I think you are ready.” Tooru, who was only able to look at him, only nodded and leaned his body against the floor. 

After Hajime put the condom on and added some lube, he carefully spread Tooru’s legs while open. 

“Tell me if I’m hurting you.” 

“Please, I’m not a weak person.” 

It did hurt. It didn’t hurt like he thought it would, but it did. While the sensation of pleasure mixed with his hole full of Hajime’s cock was filling his brain with a dose of dopamine, he was still able to hold it. Every inch of his body felt like burning, every pore felt like melting. It was like he had been thrown into a sea in the middle of hell. 

Why the fucked he didn’t confess sooner? Then they would have fucked a long time ago, and it would feel like his emotions were clouding his senses, although he didn’t mind. Tooru’s hand moved down to the base of his cock, starting to stroke himself while looking directly at Hajime’s eyes. He felt overwhelmed by the way he was looking at him, his eyes full of affection and covered in sweat, he swore he could feel how his own heart was going out of his chest. 

“Move, please move Hajime I don’t think I can- Ah-!” It was the first stroke, but it had Tooru looking white. 

“You feel so good, I swear Tooru. Fuck -” 

It started slowly, maybe like most first times that were full of love, but with the passing of seconds it stopped hurting, and Hajime’s movements were faster and deeper, until Hajime touched a sensitive spot. 

“Ah- Hajime-” Tooru tossed his head back the pillows, not even being able to bite his lips from the pleasure of being touched in his most sensitive spot for the first time. “Fuck, there, hit just there.” 

Hajime’s moans were music to Tooru’s ears, and as he could sense his face heating up even more —if that was even possible—. He could watch Hajime’s face getting redder as he kept giving a few thrusts. And the only words that came out of his mouth were for Hajime to fucked him harder. 

“Fuck, Tooru- I’m close.” 

“Me too, ah-”

While Hajime fucked him like his life was depending on it Tooru started jerking off, enjoying succumbing to the pleasure of Hajime’s cock inside of him, how his name sounded when he said it, how every moan was meant to be heard by him and only him. It wasn’t until Hajime’s shoulder tensed and he buried his face against Tooru’s neck that both of them reached their climax at the same time. 

“We should have done this years ago.” Hajime had said. “It isn't like we were gonna get pregnant.” 

After recovering from what had been their biggest orgasm until then, Hajime actually took his time to clean Tooru and threw the condom into their garbage bag. They were now clean-ish, and between kisses and slight touches they finally lay down. 

“Do you think we can at least have this? When we found each other again, in Japan or in fucking Atlantic, do you think we can at least have this?” Hajime asked. 

“I wouldn’t expect any less,” Tooru said. 

San Juan (Marzo, 2014)

Iwaizumi Hajime left Argentina on the 1st of March. His flight went from San Juan to Buenos Aires to Ciudad de Mexico to Los Angeles. 

Tooru Oikawa started his official volleyball career on the 9th of March. He spent his last week of vacation crying over the fact that Tooru and Hajime were meant to be perfect for each other, just not meant to be together. 

They spoke every day and had special hours to call each other. They sent pictures of their day at any time, they kept in touch as much as they could. They made other friends and they met other people. And sometimes they’ll remember the only night they had spent together, grabbing at the promise of when they’ll meet again they at least would have that. 

That should be enough. I had to be enough. 

(It’s not enough.)

(It will never be enough.)