Archive of Our Own

Felix couldn’t breathe. 

Well, technically, he could breathe, but his body was acting on its own accord and the only thing he could do was gasp for air. 

He clutched his knees to his chest, holding himself into a tight little ball, and tucked his head to his knees. He still cried, his blue jeans growing dark patches from the tears that fell on them.

Not to mention how dirty the floor must be. He found himself crouched, cornered in the handicap stall, since it was the largest and best suited for a Breakdown. It wasn’t intentional; perhaps some working part of his brain subliminally led him there since it was furthest from the toilet and maybe, maybe slightly more sanitary. 

In reality, he had just ducked and cried out at the earliest point he could.

Sometimes, he would manage to slow down the rapid rising and falling of his chest. He would put his hands to his cheeks in a desperate attempt to hold the air long enough to get something useful out of it, just to rake (but not claw) his fingers down his cheeks while he chastised himself to Get. It. Together. 

Sometimes he would manage to calm down, to lean his head back against the cool tile of the bathroom wall. He had no idea how much time had passed, though it was definitely long enough that someone should have realized he was gone. 

The bitter, anxious side of him asked, What if they haven’t noticed? Or- what if they did, and they don’t care?

Any progress at that point would be for naught, and he would find himself right back where he was, choking down wails and cries in mental agony. 

His head was so oxygen deprived he sometimes felt like he weighed two pounds. His head felt like it was being compressed by two tons and was ready to explode out of his skull. His vision was filled with little black dots and no matter how much he blinked they wouldn’t go away but would instead multiply, expand, or dance around. 

Part of him wished that he would just fall into a hypoxic enough state that he would just fall unconscious and not have to feel.

He was in the middle of one of his calmer phases when the bathroom door creaked open. He slapped a hand over his mouth as if that could hold his sniffles and whimpers in. Hey, maybe if he plugged his nose, he could find yet another way to make himself pass out. 

He waited with baited breath for this mystery person to call out, ask if he was okay, maybe provide him comfort. Despite that being what he wanted, and needed, he would never allow someone to witness him in this state. It would mortify him, and he’d have to decline and just be left alone anyway. 

Running was his modus operandi, and it worked for the most part - but not when he was at work, 20 minutes at least from his bed and blanket nest. He’d have to pull himself together long enough to get out of here without drawing any more attention to himself besides his extended absence. 

The stranger, to Felix’s unbeknownst disappointment, only took a wiz and left, without washing their hands. 

Felix didn’t have the mental capacity to mentally note gross , but instead was wracked even heavier with sobs because no, this very clearly solidified to him that nobody noticed or cared that he was gone. He should’ve known.

“Felix? Are you in here?”

Felix froze. His vision was hazy and he was featherlight and damnit, that person left but they must’ve let someone else in. 

He swallowed hard. This person must’ve heard him crying. He contemplated not answering, but knew he’d already been found out. 

“Y-yeah.” His voice was scratchy, rough from sobs and lack of oxygen.

“We’ve been looking for you. Minho said that while I was talking with Chan, you got all pale and then left. We were all worried you’d gotten sick,” Changbin actually sounded concerned. “Can I come in with you?” 

“No.” He swallowed thickly, trying to calm down the rapid thrumming in his chest. 

There was silence for a few moments. Comfort was not Changbin’s forte, that was usually a role reserved for either Felix or Chan. Not that Changbin knew it at the moment, but Chan was the last person Felix wanted to see. 

“Should I go get Chan?” Changbin’s voice was softer yet somehow closer, like he was standing just on the other side of the stall door. 

“No!” Felix yelled, louder than he intended to and curled in on himself afterwards, almost frightened by the loudness from it. “Not Chan, please. Just not him.”

“O...kay…” Changbin spoke out, confusion evident in his tone as it raised towards the end. A few more beats of silence. “I guess I’m going to stay with you then.” He heard shuffling, and saw from underneath the stall door as Changbin leaned against the bathroom wall, sliding down until he was sitting before the door, propped against the wall. He didn’t make any move to look under the door like he easily could have, there was easily a gap the size of a foot between the door and the floor. 

Changbin cleared his throat. “I guess this probably has something to do with Chan then…? Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Felix geared up at the mention of his name, he’d been working hard the last few minutes to build the dam to hold back the tears and make himself strong as stone and stop feeling.

When Felix didn’t answer, Changbin filled the silence. “Is this your anxiety thing?  Chan told me that you had this anxiety thing, and like, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Felix scoffed. “Of course he did.” He was already heartbroken at Chan, now mixing with swirls of anger because how dare he share something so personal? Something that made him vulnerable and exposed without a chance to speak up for himself? 

Felix carried his anxiety like you would a leaky, disgusting trash bag. He kept it an arms length away and ignored , and maybe then others would ignore it too. But not when Chan goes telling everybody just willy nilly.

“It isn’t like that, Felix.” Felix scoffed, but Changbin continued. “You’ve disappeared before and one time we were really concerned. He had to tell us, it was the only way we’d calm down when you went missing for so long.” 

Felix stood and brushed off his pants, especially his butt region. “It’s none of your business. It’s not yours, or Minho’s, or Jisung’s, or anyone’s business.” His body felt heavy, and he sagged, exhausted. “It’s not even Chan’s, either.”

He unlatched the door, the sound reverberating through the otherwise silent bathroom. 

Changbin looked up at the blond. His hair was mussed, cheeks splotchy with red patches. His eyes were red and puffy with small tear tracks on his cheeks. “You don’t know anything.”

Changbin pushed himself off the floor and stood, facing Felix still standing in the stall-way. “Is this... about Chan and Jihyo?”

Felix stood at his desk gathering up a change of clothes from the bag he brought. He couldn’t help but overhear from Chan’s office, “Jihyo and I have plans today, so I’m actually going to be leaving on time for once.” 

He heard who he quickly assumed to be Minho scoff. “Yeah, okay. Sure.” 

Chan chuckled a bit. “I have to. It’s not very often that we have time for stuff like this,”

The words from not too long ago echoed in his mind. He had walked right out of the office after that, straight to the bathroom to cry his little heart out.

Felix growled out after reliving the moment, all but stomping over to the sinks and washing his face with ice cold water, hoping to calm down the fierce flush on his cheeks. 

Changbin approached him from behind, “Felix, I think you might-“

Felix whipped around, with pure anger in his eyes. “I might be what? Overreacting?” Changbin frowned at him, not knowing what to say, so he chose to say nothing. Felix scoffed, smiling in disbelief. “Wow.”

Changbin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Felix. Jihyo is-“

“No, fuck you hyung, politely, now please leave me the hell alone!” And with that he pulled the bathroom door open with the force of pure rage and stormed out, out of the bathroom, out of the lobby, out of the building. He didn’t stop back in their open office workspace to grab his bag, containing his phone and keys. He just went out because god he just needed to breathe. 

He didn’t plan on leaving. He just stormed around to the backside of the building, back by the dumpsters and the alley where it was quiet and a little cooler from the shade of the tall buildings. He found a grassy patch and he sat there, not crying or sobbing but just feeling numb. 

The summer air was thick and heavy around him, sweat was beginning to bead on his skin. He calmed down, relatively speaking, as he sat cross legged under a tree. The anxiety and heartbreak that filled him was less of a raging tsunami and more of a soft pitter patter of sprinkling rain. 

He was more-so angry now. Angry at Chan, angry at Changbin, angry at the world.

Angry with himself. 

He felt so stupid, so idiotic to have fallen into this situation. 

He loved Chan, and had fallen for him so hard and so quickly. 

They had so many shared moments in the dance studio. Chan would often surprise Felix in the studio and sometimes he’d backhug the sweaty boy, they’d sway slowly even though some EDM track was booming on the speakers. 

Felix loved affection - touching and cuddling were his favorite ways to show it. He knew it wasn’t often well received, so he didn’t really touch anyone more than necessary. But Chan? Chan seemed to love contact with Felix as much as Felix loved affection in general. 

Felix would always run and koala the older in the studio. Chan would hug him from behind. Felix would bake brownies for the office - but leave a separate tupperware just for Chan. 

It was back and forth and how else was he supposed to interpret stuff like that?

Felix wasn’t sure how much time passed, but he eventually went back into the building. He stopped in the restroom to take stock of himself. He looked rough, but his eyes weren’t red and puffy anymore, the red blotches on his cheeks had died down, he no longer had tear tracks running down his face.

He just looked tired. 

He quickly but cautiously stepped into their open office area and got to his desk. He kept himself low as he gathered his bag, making sure he had his essentials: cell phone, keys, laptop. He was hunched over as he moved, as if it would somehow make him less visible. 

Felix slung the tote over his shoulder and headed out, not saying goodbye or making eye contact with anyone even though he could feel eyes on him. He left and hurried out, sighing in relief when he heard the door shut behind him. He was halfway to the lobby when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and nearly jumped out of his skin. 

“Lix? Are you okay?” Chan still held onto him, assuming that if he let go then Felix would run away. Again. 

“I’m fine.” Felix shrugged Chan’s hand off, shyly bringing his own hand to rub at his arm in a comforting way. “Started feeling sick earlier, think it’s some kind of stomach bug.”

Chan frowned, sensing he was being lied to, but not certain enough to call him out on it. He lowered his voice, so others wouldn’t hear. They were still in a semi-public area. “Changbin said you were having an anxiety attack?”

Felix huffed. “Chris, I don’t feel well. Just let me go home.” Felix had been staring at the floor, the walls, anything but Chan, but finally lifted his gaze to look at the older. 

He was very clearly concerned with a possible undertone of frustration. He held Felix’s gaze, almost challenging him, silently begging him to be honest, but Felix wasn’t budging. 

Chan sighed, “Have a good weekend, Felix.” Felix nodded and turned to make his escape. “Be safe and remember that you can always come to me, okay?” Felix had started walking, but stopped and nodded towards Chan. 

“I know. Have a good weekend too, Chan-hyung.”

And he left. 

By the time Monday rolled around, Felix felt dead.

The weekend passed by agonizingly slowly. Felix couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t focus. His mind was full, racing with anxious thoughts. Friday evening, he’d ended up putting his phone in a cabinet in the kitchen so he could ignore the onslaught of texts from Jisung, who was worried sick about him. 

Chan, Changbin, and Jisung were producers at their little studio. Minho and Felix were the dance instructors, while Seungmin and Jeongin were vocal coaches. Hyunjin went back and forth between helping with newer dancers and working with Changbin and Jisung on helping their aspiring rappers. Chan was really like the head of it all. There were, of course, many other people that they worked with, but the 8 of them worked together most closely. 

When Felix started working with them, he was pretty new to the country. He bonded well with Chan quickly and easily, followed by Jisung who was hard not to get along with. 

Felix didn’t want to say that he believed in love at first sight, as that was a bit dramatic. He definitely, however, had a crush on Chan since the moment they met.

He doesn’t remember much of their meeting, besides Changbin walking him around and introducing him to people. Chan had been the last one he met, and was in one of the dance studios with Minho. The only thing he remembers from the encounter is how amazed he was that Chan was Australian too, and that he was wearing a tank top that showed off his beautifully muscled arms and his hair was going in all kinds of different beautifully curly directions and he was sweaty and - well. Let’s just say that that image of Chan lived with Felix and it did things to him. 

Jisung had become his best friend. They frequently shared their lunch breaks together and Jisung had taken Felix under his wing in a way, and made it a personal goal to turn Felix into a rapper because “You have to rap with a voice like that. You would sound so good!”

It probably wasn’t a secret that Felix was head over heels for Chan, but Jisung was the only one who would’ve had that suspicion confirmed. Jisung was also very aware of Felix’s anxiety issues, mostly because Jisung shared them too. They didn’t really talk about it much, but could often sympathize with each other without necessarily needing to speak about what was wrong. 

It was very hard to ignore Jisung’s messages and calls all weekend, but Felix couldn’t bother. He couldn’t bring himself to face the music, he could hardly bring himself to get out of bed or off the couch.

But alas, when Monday came around, he could no longer ignore his responsibilities. He went through the motions like a robot. Brush teeth, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast. While on the subway, he cleared the notification for his voicemails - he let them run but didn’t listen. He opened up his messenger app to clear Jisung’s, and even Changbin’s, texts. Changbin had only sent one, asking if Felix was doing alright. Jisung, however, had sent so many, Felix didn’t bother scrolling to where they started. 

The 3 producers, collectively called 3racha, typically arrived at the studio early, so it wasn’t surprising to him that he wasn’t the first one there. Minho usually arrived early too, insisting that the trainees start at the ass-crack of dawn because that’s just how Minho operated. 

Felix sat down at his desk and pulled out his laptop, planning on going through any emails he may have gotten before heading to an empty studio to choreograph for a few hours.

“Felix?”

Felix looked up from his laptop, surprised to see Chan leaning out from his office. Chan had an office that he let Jisung and Changbin occupy, but the rest of them had little desks in a cubicle style open office. 

“Oh, um. Hi.” Felix stumbled over his words, anxiety washing over him once more. He didn’t want to talk about Friday, he just wanted to put it in the past and move on. Move on from him. 

“Can I… Do you want to come in and talk, for a minute?” 

Felix swallowed and took a deep breath, considering embarrassing himself or being insubordinate. “Yeah uh, sure.”

He stepped up and brushed off his pants, and pushed his chair back into his desk. Chan was a friend, a close friend at that, hardly a coworker or even his boss. Somehow though, sitting down on Chan’s leather couch felt similar to being in the principal’s office. 

Chan shut the door, but instead of sitting down at his desk chair, sat down beside Felix on the couch. 

“Felix… I think you might have overheard something on Friday that you may not know the full story about.” Chan started, voice steady.

Felix was looking at the floor, keeping his head down so he didn’t have to look at Chan. He was willing himself to calm down and for the love of god, not cry. “You had a date with your girlfriend.” 

Felix mentally winced at how accusatory his words came out, but they were already in the air and couldn’t be retrieved now. Of course Chan could have a date with someone - he wasn’t Felix’s. Felix had just misinterpreted their shared moments and now he was making a scene. “Not that you can’t go on dates, I just thought-”

“Felix, I’m not dating anybody.” Chan interrupted. Felix promptly shut up, furrowing his brows, confused. 

“You- what? But you said you had a date-”

“-I said I had plans. ” 

Felix pressed his lips together, not sure what to do with this information. 

“With my daughter.”

Felix was as still as a statue. He didn’t move, or even breathe. He was too busy berating himself for so many different things. You overreacted before knowing the full story. Even if it was what you thought it was, it’s not your business. He isn’t yours. He’s just friendly and you’re pathetic. How sad. He has a daughter, a family. You think he’s into you? Hell, he isn’t even into men .

Still, in the silence, Chan’s eyes were downcast to his own lap, fidgeting with his fingers. Chan, who was always so calm and collected, was nervous .

Chan briefly looked up to take in Felix, to try and gauge his response. Felix was - as subtly as he could manage - digging his fingernails into the meat of his palm. Felix’s mind was an airplane spiraling out of control from the sky, nosediving into the ground below. 

Chan, who knew Felix so well yet he wasn’t Felix’s, easily saw the inner turmoil he was facing. With bated breath, he cautiously took one of Felix’s hands. 

“Jihyo is my daughter. She’s 5. I don’t really get to see her a lot, but that’s another story for another time. We had a little playdate set up with some people who live across the street.” Chan spoke quietly. “I don’t… I’m not a great father. I try not to let her down, if I can help it.”

Felix’s mind was reeling. Chan? Daughter? I don’t really get to see her a lot ? Felix had a million questions. 

“Sorry for springing this all on you, I just… I just figured maybe this was what was on your mind?” Chan brought his free hand to scratch the back of his neck bashfully. “That seems a bit self-centered, assuming I was the problem. Maybe you had other stuff going on…” Chan was rambling at this point. “But, regardless, I guess it was still probably time you knew about her?”

Felix nodded in agreement, so badly wanting to let Chan know that ‘no, you aren’t being self-centered at all’ but knowing that he’d have to follow that up with a ‘you totally sent me into a breakdown in the bathroom!’ didn’t sit well with him. He stayed quiet.

“Erm,” Chan looked at his watch. “I do kind of have a meeting to get to… I’m so sorry… but maybe we can, if you want, go catch a meal when you’re done for the day?”

Felix had been looking at the floor, steeling himself and trying to get a grip on his emotions and stop acting so embarrassingly . “Why did you hide her?”

Chan stiffened but didn’t immediately answer. He chewed his lips while he thought, choosing his words carefully before he spoke. “I didn’t hide her. I’m not ashamed, if that’s what you think. I know it might come off that way. It’s kind of a long story, that’s why I wanted to spend time with you later, so I could explain, if you’d let me.”

Felix looked up at Chan, trying so hard to not seem hopeful. “Alright… okay. I’ll come find you before I leave.”

Chan gave him a soft smile and it took everything Felix had to not melt. “Thank you.”

Felix was distraught for the remainder of the day. The conversation that he was to have with Chan later was looming over his head, a constant storm cloud that twisted his insides and made it near impossible to do anything else but consider each and all possible worse case scenarios. 

He’d wanted to come up with a simple dance routine, but he simply hadn’t had the energy. Not after his weekend-long mope session and with how anxiety riddled he was today. He settled for doing an intense stretching session to help try and increase his flexibility and then sitting on his laptop, working his way through emails and watching various internet videos for dance inspiration. 

The day absolutely crawled by. It felt like an entire workday just to get to his lunch break, which hadn’t been a concern of his until about a half hour prior when he realized he’d have to face Jisung’s wrath for ignoring him all weekend. 

True to his expectations, Jisung’s all but stormed up to Felix’s desk with his arms crossed. “Would you like to explain yourself?”

Felix had had his head ducked down like a dog with its tail tucked between its legs. He looked up with insincere fear at the sweaty, angry boy. “Not particularly,”

Jisung sighed dejectedly before leaning against Felix’s desk, resting half of his butt on the counter. His demeanor changed almost instantly, turning into something soft and almost motherly. “Would you rather talk about it over a cup of hot chocolate?”

Felix couldn’t help but laugh in disbelief. “Hot chocolate? In the middle of summer ?”

Jisung grinned. “Is that a yes?”

Felix rolled his eyes but stayed smiling. “Yes.”

Jisung beamed and pulled Felix into a warm hug. “Let me go wipe some of this off,” He used a hand to gesture to his sweaty head, “And then we’ll head out. Sound good?”

Felix nodded, but as soon as Jisung was out of sight, his smile fell. He defeatedly dropped his head onto his crossed arms on his desk. 

Jisung had returned faster than Felix thought possible, and held a friendly hand out for the blond haired boy. Felix reluctantly took it, and the two walked arm-in-arm to a local cafe just down the street. 

Once they had their hot chocolates with copious amounts of whip cream in hand, they settled into a relatively secluded booth.

“Unfortunately I don’t have any sprinkles to add to it, but it’ll have to do.” Jisung used a spoon to stir in the whip cream. 

Felix had laughed softly at jisung’s faux innocence, but he still felt down.

“You can’t hide from me forever, Felix. Just tell me what’s wrong?”

Felix shrugged. “I… I misinterpreted some things and now I just have to get over my own patheticness.”

Jisung frowned, and took a sip of his drink. He winced when it was too hot. “What do you mean?”

Felix shrugged meekly, not wanting to elaborate on his own embarrassing thoughts and behaviors. “I thought Chan liked me back,”

Jisung nodded, aware of Felix’s crush. “It’s pretty obvious, so what’s the problem?”

“He doesn’t,” Felix emphasized, crossing his arms almost childlike. 

“What?” Jisung seemed very baffled by this.

“He doesn’t even like men , Jisung. He has a fucking daughter,” He said sternly, but kept his voice down since they were in a public cafe. 

Jisung chewed the inside of his lip, thinking of how to handle this delicately. “Felix… You haven’t really been here for a long time. Are you sure that you know his sexuality just because he has a daughter?”

Felix shrugged. “It tells me that he had a strong enough commitment to a woman to start a family.”

Jisung reached out to take one of Felix’s hands across the table. Chan was his friend and while he knew a lot of Chan’s personal life, he hated Felix making blunt assumptions about the older producer. “Take a deep breath, Lix.”

Felix shut his eyes and inhaled deeply, doing as he was told. He relaxed his shoulders on his exhale. “Okay.”

Jisung gave him a soft smile, “You’re making a lot of assumptions about Chan’s life. I know it’s hard, but you shouldn’t just go down these rabbit holes on your wild guesses.”

Felix sighed. “I know. And he wants to talk later and explain to me but I just, I really liked him Ji.”

Jisung nodded, rescinding his hand so he could sip his drink. “You should come with me and work on your rapping when we get back. It’ll help keep your mind off overthinking.”

Felix hummed in agreement. “Yeah, that should be a good plan.” 

Back at the office, Felix hadn’t spent much time working with Jisung. His voice simply wasn’t having it and his rhythm was all kinds of off. After becoming much too frustrated to make any kind of progress at all, he settled for reading over some lyrics Jisung had written.

True to Jisung’s word, as much as Felix would hate to admit, the afternoon had passed by quickly. He had completely lost track of time until Chan had poked his head in, asking if they were in the middle of something important. When Jisung told them they weren’t, Felix added that he’d be ready to go in a few moments. 

After gathering his belongings, Chan approached him with a kind smile. “Are you ready?”

Felix nodded, standing up to go after Chan begrudgingly. “Let’s go.”

The two walked out of the office and to the parking lot. “So, do you mind if I drive you somewhere to eat?”

Felix looked at him, confused. “Chan, I’m not really dressed up to go anywhere nice…”

Chan smiled, elbowing him playfully. “We can go somewhere casual. Just let me treat you, okay? There’s no sense in us driving separately. Unless you want a getaway car, I suppose.”

Chan reached up and scratched the back of his neck, bashfulness taking over. “Shit. Maybe you should drive separately. I don’t want you to feel forced or cornered-”

By this point, the two were standing besides Chan’s Prius. 

Felix was almost giggling. “I’ll ride with you, Chan. Just don’t kidnap me.”

To say Chan’s car was nice was an understatement. Sure, it was a hybrid, and a Prius, but he couldn’t help but be mildly amazed when Chan rattled off about the miles per gallon the car got and how infrequent he needed to get gas.

Felix had only partially listened to Chan’s blatant attempt at staying away from the sensitive topic of his daughter, bouncing his leg like he had a current of electricity running through him. He was going haywire and how was he supposed to have this conversation with him? In public? Felix’s stomach knots were growing tighter and tighter.

Chan took them to a little local cafe a few blocks away. It was a place that Felix had never been to, but Chan swore they had some of the best pastries and it was even family owned. 

Chan ordered some danishes for himself, cheese and a strawberry to-go, and even paid for Felix’s chocolate-filled croissant as well. 

They settled down into a small booth, facing one another. Felix wasn’t touching his croissant, instead sitting with his hands folded on the table and impatiently, anxiously, tapping his thumbs together.

Chan took a bite of his cheese danish, setting the strawberry one aside. “Jihyo is going through a strawberry phase right now. She loves these,”

Felix chewed on his lip. “Are you… going to see her later? Do you see her often?”

“No, not really.” Chan sighed defeatedly. “I just like to have the extra to eat later, it helps remind me of her. I really do miss her a lot.”

Felix nodded, wanting Chan to keep going. 

“Her mother and I didn’t get along much after she was born, she was a bit unplanned and I was heading towards becoming a successful producer, where I am today. That wasn’t an environment Jihyo’s mom wanted her to be around, so she fought me in court. I only get to see her every other weekend and a few times throughout the week, if I’m lucky.”

Chan ran a hand through his hair. “I am usually too busy. We have meetings that run over and… well, it’s all just excuses. I usually end up having to cancel on her. I know I’m not the best dad for her.”

Felix was frowning, and tentatively reached to take Chan’s hand. “I know that you do what you can. You’re one of the most caring people I’ve ever met and know you have your reasons. Supporting her, even if it isn’t necessarily direct, is still important.”

Felix was surprised he was able to form such a helpful and coherent sentence in his state of anxiety, but was proud nonetheless. 

“So about why I wanted to talk to you…” Chan took a hefty deep breath. “I wasn’t hiding her from you. I was worried that if you knew I’d had a daughter that you would… think differently of me?”

Felix half shrugged. “How couldn’t it have made me think differently of you? You’re a father, Chan.”

Chan looked down at his lap. “I know. It’s really deceitful.”

“Why did you do it?” Felix pressed. 

“I didn’t want your opinion of me to change because,” Chan paused, closing his eyes before he dropped the truth bomb. “Because I’ve had a crush on you since you first started working here. I was scared that you wouldn’t be interested in me.”

Chan’s cheeks were as red as tomatoes and he was behaving shyer than Felix had ever seen before. 

“You have a crush on me?” Felix asked dumbfounded. 

“I’m so sorry, I know it’s unprofessional, I just wanted to explain. We can forget-”

“No!” Felix burst out, gaining the attention of the cashier. He cleared his throat and continued quieter. “No, don’t I just… I’ve liked you all this time, too. It was just that after finding out you had a daughter, I was just scared that you weren’t, y’know, into guys…”

Chan snorted a bit. “I apologize for my bluntness but I’m pretty sure I’m only into men.”

Felix giggled, finally feeling relaxed enough to nibble on his croissant. “Well that’s reassuring.”

“So,” Chan started clearing his throat. “Does this mean I should formally ask you to be my boyfriend?”

Felix nearly started choking on his food. It was one thing to hear his own crush had reciprocated a crush on him, it was an entirely different ball field to hear that he wanted to date.

Felix took a second to answer, which he did with a soft smile. “Could I meet her?”

Chan’s face fell a bit, a clear bit of uncertainty and discomfort washing over him. “Felix, I-”

“No no no, I don’t mean now. I understand you not wanting to expose me to her so soon. I just meant that I’d like to. Someday.”

Chan let out a sigh of relief. “Yeah… Yeah I think so. Someday.”

Felix intertwined his fingers with Chan across the table. “In the meantime… would you tell me more about her?”

Chan grinned, beaming. “I would love to.”