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Haru stared blankly at the invitation that had just arrived at his doorstep. Now he had something to look forward too. Something to look forward to seemed impossible at this moment in time. He had lost everything.
Without warning, things fell apart months ago and he’s still picking up pieces of himself. He ordered a tux online and it would be here in time for the wedding, which was in four weeks. It would go by in a blur, like everything else.
The wedding came as fast as he suspected, he walked through the church to find his seat. He scanned the room for her face, and after looking for ten minutes he came to the realization, she wasn’t here.
She wasn’t at the wedding; she didn’t show and he knew well Tohru had invited her. Rin left him two months ago. And he didn’t tell anyone. He was ashamed to admit it, and was too paralyzed to even admit it to himself. He sat down and composed himself to watch the ceremony.
Tohru and Kyo announced their love for each other to the entire world, they got lucky to have found each other. Their faces etched in happiness, like nothing could tear them apart. They shared a passionate kiss as their marriage was announced.
Haru joined the crowd to applaud, even though he felt his mind drown in jealousy. As the ceremony ended, Haru made his way to the exit, he needed a cigarette and a drink. He smoked as the crowd came flooding out the church to celebrate the union.
The happy couple greeted him kindly after a few minutes. “Hello Hatsuharu, we’re so glad you could come” Tohru told him brightly.
Kyo nodded with a smile in agreement as his hand was laced with Tohru’s. Haru nodded back “Thanks, I’m glad I could come” he responded dryly.
Kyo nudged Tohru away to talk to someone else before she could ask about Haru’s mood. He knew he was getting odd looks; he did show up alone. But that’s not something he wanted to discuss, it was Kyo and Tohru’s day.
Sooner or later, Haru found himself having dinner at the reception, he watched the speeches and the cutting of the cake. A drink in his hand during all those moments. Drowning his pain while acting like he was celebrating was easy at a wedding.
For some reason, no one was asking why he was alone. He never mentioned how Rin left, and somehow everyone was looking at him like they knew. They knew somethings, but not about this.
Haru sighed and drowned another drink, people were heading to the dance floor. So, why shouldn’t he join them?
He held the bottle of rum to his chest and swayed back and forth in his drunk state, mumbling things to himself.
He was then interrupted when he bumped into Machi and Yuki dancing together.
“Haru, hi. How are you?” Yuki asked, he seemed so relived to see him.
“I am finnneee” Haru slurred giggling.
Yuki seemed unconvinced, he whispered something to Machi, causing her to leave the two men alone.
“You good?”
“I am drunk so yes”
“Haru, maybe you should sit down before you do something reckless” Yuki warned gently. Haru rolled his eyes and felt Dark Haru come close to take over his brain.
“Like what?” he snapped.
“I don’t know anything, you’re unpredictable” Yuki stated. Haru dropped his bottle and huffed “So what, life is full of fucking surprises. Get used to it” he snapped. He had caught the attention of everyone in the room. Haru who was aware of this, started walking across to the center of the dance floor.
“Haru” Yuki said in a dangerous tone of warn.
“So, I’m unpredictable, cool. I bet no one fucking predicts what I’ll do now” Haru explained as he walked to the wedding cake.
Yuki followed suite and grabbed his arm as he went to touch the cake. “Haru wait-“
Haru cut him off with a shrug “Just fuck off Yuki. I don’t need a babysitter”
“Haru please I just want to help”
“I SAID FUCK OFF!” Haru yelled before he smashed his fists into the cake, icing and cake had gone everywhere. Haru sniffed as he felt a tear escape his cheek. He fucked up, again.
“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YUKI! I SAID I DON’T NEED HELP! I DON’T NEED ANYONE! EVERYONE JUST LEAVES ANYWAY SO WHATS THE FUCKING POINT!” Haru screamed through his cries as he fists kept pounding into the table.
He stopped a little after his outburst, he stood still with his hands at his side.
“Haru, let’s get out of here” Yuki pleaded.
“I don’t need-“
“Haru you’re drunk, and I can help”
“Why, because I’m alone”
“Yes, you’re alone and you’re not coping so let me help”
Haru was stunned at his words, he knew. Yuki knew Rin left, and now so did everyone else. Haru turned around and walked to his side silently. Yuki gently held his arm and walked out.
He led Haru to a quiet hallway, he grabbed a bottle of water on the way. Haru drank it quickly. He realized he still had tears draining down his face and felt embarrassed.
“How shitty do I look?”
“Really shitty”
Haru nodded in response, he didn’t want to talk. He looked to the ground and put his hand to his forehead in shame.
“I’m sorry” he heard Yuki say.
“It’s fine, I did the damage”
“I meant about Rin, I’m sorry she left you” Yuki apologized softly.
Haru moved his hand and looked at Yuki, his face full of remorse and concern.
“How did you find out?” Haru asked.
“I found the letter, I came to visit a couple weeks and you weren’t home, but I found a letter on the table with your name and her signature”
Haru nodded, so he found Rin’s letter. The one she wrote to tell him she wanted to move on, and that she was finished with her life here. She disappeared to another country and he hadn’t heard from her since.
“Haru, I know you’re not okay. And that’s not something to be ashamed about, you can talk to me” Yuki told the man.
Haru sighed, and decided maybe it was time to open up about it. “I don’t know what to do, she walked out and I’m- I’m angry all the time. I tried to do what was best for her, after we- after we lost the baby but, it wasn’t not enough. I wasn’t enough and she just-“
Haru stopped, he choked and felt uncontrollable sobs escape his throat, he used to be numb in anger, and now he was falling into despair. He hasn’t been the same since Rin had miscarried their baby eight months ago.
She fell apart, it was all so sudden and Rin was in so much pain, she became miserable and just clung to Haru for comfort. But in the end, it wasn’t enough. She didn’t want to be reminded of it anymore.
And two months ago, she left him. Leaving a letter after she ran when he was at work, he had a full day shift and when he came home, she was gone and all was left was a letter.
Haru,
I’m sorry. I can’t do this. I can’t live like this anymore.
I got a job offer, far away. I’m taking it and I’m moving on, I’m sick of the pity and the constant reminder of what we lost.
We’re done, and I won’t come back. I hope you can understand.
- Rin.
Haru was alone, and the pain was unescapable, every time he thinks he’ll be okay, another wave comes and takes him out. He’s a lost man, lost to grief and lost to the one he loved.
He almost falls over in his cries until Yuki catches him and lets him cry in his embrace. Haru clutches to Yuki and cries his heart out. There’s nothing else for him to do now, all he can do is cry.
After a moment Yuki asks “Have you tried getting in touch with her?”
“I did try, I tried calling her. I tried to follow her at the airport but I don’t know where she went” Haru sobbed “She’s just gone, and I can’t do anything” he continued.
Yuki patted his hand on Haru’s back and hugged him tighter “You can get through this, I promise”
“That’s not the problem, the problem is I don’t know if she will. What if she breaks and I’m not there? What happens when she has a nightmare? I’m the one whose supposed-“ he stopped for a hiccup.
“I’m supposed to help her” he sobbed.
“I know” Yuki stated.
“I love her so much Yuki, and now without her; I’m- I’m nothing” Haru wavered.
“You’re not nothing, you are just hurting. And you will heal, so will she” Yuki told him. All Haru can do is sniffle in response.
Time passes, and Yuki has Haru asleep in a hotel room. He sighed as he watched his friend sleep. He’s lost a lot and now he’s breaking, still all he thinks about her.
At a wedding, he’s in a nice tux, the music is sweet, perfect for a dance. But he’s alone in a crowd of people, all couples dancing around him. The lights are shining down and yet, he’s lonely.
He considers leaving since he had no one. But then…
“Hey, there you are”
She was here, she’s smiling at him. Dressed in gorgeous black dress. His Rin.
“Do you wanna dance?” She asks, she holds out her hand for him. He smiles a million times in heart. He takes her hand, and it feels perfect in hers.
Rin arranges them for a slow dance, hands held, one of hers on his shoulder, one of his gripped to her waist.
As they glide together on the dance floor, Haru tells her “You look beautiful, how’d I get so lucky”
“Doesn’t matter, you have me, you’ll always have me, Haru” she responds. Haru smiles “I love you”
“I love you more” she tells him.
She moves her hand so it’s by his neck, pulling his lips to hers. Their mouths connect and it feels more passionate than ever.
She’s devouring him, and it’s all he wants. He wants her for the rest of his life. She’s everything and he’d be damned to lose her.
Alas they pull apart, he smiles fondly at her “I could do that again” he tells her. She giggles, but doesn’t respond. She leans her head under his chin against his chest. He can tell she’s listening to his heartbeat; she looks content and he hopes he can make her feel that way forever.
She closes her eyes “I can do this again” she murmurs.
“Do what?”
“Dance in your embrace, I could do this forever” She answers. Haru tightens his grip on her. She looks up and into his eyes, he gazes at her, knowing she’s not finished her sentence.
“Because, right here and now. I know I’m safe, safe with Haru” she tells him.
Haru’s heart flies with joy and he silently continues his dance, they lean their foreheads together and get lost in the night.
This is exactly where he wants to be.
When he wakes up, he searches the bed for her, but the harsh reality hits, she’s not there. She’s not home and won’t return again.