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The commute from Eva's work to her house was a total of thirty-seven minutes on the subway, then give or take ten minutes in between. Either way, she was starting to count down the minutes by the second. It wasn't rare for there to be bothersome background noise on the subway. Eva was used to that. Babies crying, indistinct conversations, she had heard it all. That was why Eva usually brought her earbuds with her. Today, she had forgotten them, and today, some mother was letting her child shake their rattle over and over again.
Of course, she didn't confirm that. Eva didn't want to be the rude lady on the subway that was staring. She had seen her fair share of stare-ers. It was just plain disrespectful, disrespectful like, pointing at someone in public so your friend can see who you're talking badly about.
Five minutes, 300 seconds, she just needed to last that much longer. She tilted her head back, staring up at the dirty roof of the subway. Then, the rattle changed to being offbeat, and that was when Eva lost it. She moved into a more appropriate position, straightening her back. Eva turned her head to the right and found the source of the rattle.
There was a guy no older than her sitting all alone in a seat nearby. One of his hands rested on top of his knee, tightly gripping a small orange pill bottle. He bounced his knee, sometimes stopping for a moment before continuing. Her eyes moved up until she reached his face.
Shit.
She'd recognize the face anywhere, but especially his big bright green eyes and his pair of nerdy glasses with thick lenses from just how poor his eyesight was. Her eyes switched back and forth from his face to the pill bottle, guilt starting to seep into her veins.
Eva had started a new school. It was the seventh grade. She needed a friend. Surprisingly, fate let her to Neil Watts, a cheery yet closed-off nerd. They did everything together for years. That's what happens after all when you only have one close friend. Things didn't work out. He lived behind multiple walls, never letting anyone in.
Neil was relentlessly bullied, he even warned Eva that she should stay away from him because she's the new kid with a fresh start. She would ruin her reputation forever by befriending him. She would have no chance at making friends because she'd be stuck with Neil.
There was another kid named Noah. Eva felt differently about him. She couldn't tell if it was the whole not hiding behind a mask of lies and deceit, or if it was something else. Maybe it was that Noah was calm, understanding, and passionate. Neil was closed off, insecure, and strange. If Eva was being honest, Neil made it seem like he didn't want to be friends at all. She still remembered the pained expression on his face, shoulders slightly tensed. All it was was one lunch, or two, or three. Neil was a loner-- he blew Eva off all the time. There shouldn't have been a problem with her sitting there, but there was. He thought that she would've known him better by that point, but he guessed wrong. He approached her after lunch. Eva still had a wide grin on her face from a conversation they had.
"So, that's how it is huh? You're just gonna ditch me for some two-faced jerks!?"
They were only Sophomores. They were young, and they were stupid. It was just one argument, but it spiraled into the end of something great. They were built for each other. Then, all it took was that one argument to split fate apart.
Even if she had tried to make things right before, he disappeared from her life before she could do anything. He disappeared from the school, there was zero warning, and it was the middle of the school year. Rumors started to spread about what happened to him. Some even said that he died.
Five minutes, 300 seconds, it all came to an end. The train slowed and came to a stop, an announcement blaring over the intercom. Eva watched Neil stand up and stick the little orange bottle in his pocket. He ran his hands through his hair, then started to leave. This was her stop too. She could reach out to him. She could apologize. The rattling of pills in a half-empty bottle corrupted her mind as Eva stood up and started walking towards him. She felt as if she had to remind herself how to walk, each step feeling like there was a harsh wind blowing against her. Eva was twenty feet away. Her heels clicked against the floor. Eva was ten feet away.
"Neil?" she choked out. The name rolled so easily off her tongue, but it felt like a curse to even utter it.
Eva watched Neil turn on his heels, the pill bottle in his left hand, and a cheery smile on his face. He knew she was following him, how could he not? Eva's eyes focused on the bottle.
Is he an addict?
"What, you want a signature from the great Neil Watts?" he tilted his head, stuffing his free hand in his pocket. He looked a bit taller, more tired, and maybe a bit thinner, but he was still the same kid she used to know.
"I'm sorry," was all that she could say as she stared up at him. The guilt felt as if it were slowly strangling her, making it hard to get any of the words in her head out in the open.
Neil's cheery expression flipped to how she assumed he was truly feeling, tired and numb, "well done, you've fixed everything. I hope you're proud of yourself," he deadpanned.
He took a step back away from Eva and the painful memories. For the longest time, he only wanted to hear those two little words. After enough time reflecting on it, he realized that it wouldn't matter at all if she said them anyway. The damage had already been done.
Before he could get any further away, Eva made one last effort at reaching out, grabbing onto his arm and feeling his entire body tense at the sensation. He had never been good with that sort of stuff.
"I want to make things right," she said with concern laced into her voice.
Neil smiled, looking down at the floor. He tugged his arm away from Eva, then looked in her direction, "My dear Rosalene, we don't have the time."
She blinked, and then he was gone from her sight. She still heard the faint rattling of a pill bottle echo in her mind.