Chapter Text
title from tobacco sunburst by the neighbourhood
***
College is weird.
When you apply and visit the campuses, the students and guides talk about how much fun you’ll have. You’ll make a bunch of friends and you’ll meet people that will stay with you for the rest of your life. There’ll be parties and so many other opportunities to do things you never had the freedom to do in high school, under the watchful eye of parents and teachers. You get to be independent, but not too much, because you still go home to your family after a few months. They tell you this and you eat it up. Who wouldn’t?
And while all of that is true, they fail to mention the other aspects of college that coexist with all the fun.
College is a bubble, of sorts. All of the people here are in some in-between land, much like high school. No one knows where they’re going to end up afterward until the end approaches. Some are thinking about finding a job after graduation, others are thinking about what grad school they’re going to apply to. And some don’t think about the future at all.
That’s Jungkook.
It’s not entirely true that he doesn’t think about his future. It’s just that… he doesn’t let himself think about it too much. Because if he does, he realizes he’s got absolutely no idea what he’s doing with himself. There is no endgame for him.
It’s the third week of his fourth year, and he can feel time running out. His twenty-second birthday has come and gone. Eventually, very soon, actually, he’ll no longer be able to shrug and say that he has time to figure things out.
And it’s when thoughts like these pop into his head that he makes himself think about something else. Something less inevitable.
He could talk to someone about it. Like those guides told him years ago, he’s found people he trusts more than anyone else in the entire world. He knows they’d listen, and that they’d only have his best interests in heart. But telling his friends all the shit that goes on in his head and listening to their advice just seems so tiring. And Jungkook is tired enough as it is.
So when his friends ask him what’s wrong and he says that he’s just tired, he’s not lying. It’s just not the full picture.
Currently, he’s laying with his head in one of said friend’s lap. The two of them are in Jimin’s bed. As Jimin uses one hand to scroll on his phone and the other to massage Jungkook’s scalp, Jungkook lets his eyes flutter shut as the music in his earphones distracts him from his thoughts. He could easily fall asleep like this.
He gets about ten minutes of uninterrupted time in Jimin’s lap until Jimin taps his forehead to get his attention. He yanks one of the earphones out of his ear and peers up at his friend.
“Are you alright?”
He squints at him even more, confused at the question. Obviously, he ignores the fact that his brain wants to say no, no I don’t think I am .
Instead, he nods.
Jimin blinks at him. He looks funny from this angle, but for his own safety, Jungkook keeps that thought to himself.
He goes to return the music to his ear but Jimin reaches out and holds his wrist. “You can’t fall asleep.”
Fighting a whine, Jungkook asks, “Why not?”
“I’m leaving in a little bit. I have a meeting.”
“What kind of meeting?”
“It’s an info-session of this group I want to join.”
“Why don’t you ask me if I want to come?”
Jimin nudges his head off his lap. “You don’t,” he says matter of factly.
Jungkook shrugs and falls back into the bed. Jimin hovers over him for a moment before sliding off the bed. “Do you have any plans for tonight?” He can hear him stepping into his shoes.
He thinks about that for a while. Just when he’s about to say that no, he doesn’t have any plans, he remembers something. “I think I’m gonna go get coffee.”
Jimin pauses. “It’s 6 pm.”
“And?”
“You’re an interesting person.”
“Can't say the same for you.”
A pillow smashes him in the face, hard, and when he moves it he’s met with Jimin’s prideful gaze. He watches as Jimin slides his backpack on and grabs his keys from his desk. “I’m gonna go to the library after the meeting, so I won’t be back for a while.”
Jungkook finally sits up. “Okay, honey. Make sure you stop at the store and grab some milk for the kids before you come home,” he replies, and receives a middle finger in response.
Jimin leaves without another word and Jungkook is left with silence. He only stays in Jimin’s bed for a few more minutes, suddenly filled with motivation to get coffee. Over summer break, a new cafe opened on campus and Jungkook has been meaning to try it since he arrived. What better time than 6 pm on a Wednesday night?
The cafe is placed just on the edge of campus, so Jungkook gets a nice little workout in on his walk there. Although it’s evening, the sun hasn’t set yet and he feels some perspiration forming on his skin. It’s alleviated when he steps into the cafe, the air conditioning creating a stark difference to the outside.
He takes a few moments to glance around the space. It’s decently sized, with booths and tables placed throughout. Its color theme seems to be earthy tones. There are browns, greens, and blues everywhere. Minimalistic artwork lines the walls, and there are small decorative plants on each table.
The tables and booths are practically empty. He looks around and sees three people total. There are a couple of girls sitting together, drinking their coffees and talking to each other in excited tones. He can’t hear their words but their voices carry in the air and mix with the low hum of the music that’s playing in the overhead speakers.
It’s not until he finally gets into the line to order his food that he notices someone else sitting in the cafe. Jungkook’s gaze passes right over him at first, but he quickly does a double-take. He’s sitting in a booth in the corner of the cafe, furthest from the entrance. His attention is on the book in his hands. Jungkook doesn’t realize he’s staring until the person in line in front of him leaves and the cashier clears his throat to get his attention.
Sheepishly, Jungkook approaches the counter and apologizes, “Sorry,” he mumbles.
He wouldn’t be so embarrassed about it if the cashier hadn’t turned and followed Jungkook’s gaze to the boy in the corner and then back to Jungkook, but he does, and Jungkook wants to say fuck the coffee and run out. “It’s fine,” the cashier smiles, “what can I get for you today?”
Jungkook hasn’t looked at the menu once.
“Can I just have a large vanilla iced coffee, please?” He figures his best bet is to just buy something simple and see how he likes it.
He pays for his drink and while he waits for it, he moves over to the side of the counter. Without his permission, his eyes wander back over to the man reading his book. He should be surprised at himself; he doesn’t stare at people. What decent person does? But something about this man keeps drawing Jungkook’s attention to him. He scans the man’s face and notes his attractiveness, and it’s at that moment that the mystery man looks up and locks eyes with Jungkook.
Luckily for him, it’s also the exact moment that his name is called for his coffee. He quickly grabs his coffee and leaves, embarrassment seeping through all his pores.
***
The next time he goes back, he takes Jimin with him. Of course, on the entire way there, he’s thinking about mystery boy. If he’s being honest with himself, he’d been thinking about him a lot in the three days since he first came. He looked for him on campus and in his classes, but to no avail.
Despite that, he actually really enjoyed the coffee. Jimin grew tired of hearing Jungkook rave about how good it was and wanted to try it for himself.
When they get there, Jungkook notices how it’s way more packed than it was last time. Granted, it’s 1 pm on a Monday. People need their fuel to start the week off, and Jungkook is one of them.
Seemingly on instinct, his eyes travel to that same table in the corner of the room, and there he sits.
Today he’s wearing a bright lime green t-shirt, making him stand out. The sunlight coming through the windows gives him a kind of glow, and this time, Jungkook knows he’s staring.
Jimin nudges him with his elbow. “Are you even listening to me?”
Jungkook quickly averts his eyes and shakes his head in response to Jimin. It earns him a shove to his shoulder.
Jimin’s eyes find that corner of the store and see the focus of Jungkook’s attention. “Oh. He’s hot,” he mumbles.
“Who?”
“The guy you’re staring at.”
“I’m not staring at anyone,” Jungkook stares at the menu ahead, avoiding Jimin’s gaze as it burns into the side of his face. He’s regretting his decision to bring Jimin with him this time.
“Yeah okay. Go talk to him.”
“Why would I go talk to him?”
“Because you think he’s hot and he might think you’re hot too.”
Jungkook shakes his head again, “That’s not good enough.”
“So you do think he’s hot.”
He turns to face Jimin. “I just want coffee,” he says exasperatedly. It gets Jimin to drop it long enough for the two of them to order, but as soon as they step to the side to wait, he’s back on it.
Jimin nudges him over and over, trying to edge him towards the guy, and Jungkook thinks that Jimin exists just to embarrass him.
“Just go,” and he shoves Jungkook particularly hard this time, so Jungkook shoves him back. “I’ll pay you.”
“No you won’t, you owe me like forty dollars—“
“I’ll pay you the forty dollars if you go talk to him,” Jimin crosses his arms.
For some reason, that gets Jungkook’s attention. Maybe it’s because Jimin has never paid Jungkook back for anything ever, or maybe it’s because, in some weird way, Jimin manages to fill him with confidence that he otherwise lacks.
So when Jimin nudges him for the millionth time, Jungkook lets him.
He walks past tables filled with people, hoping none of them will notice if he gets his ass handed back to him. He has no idea what he’s going to say. His brain usually doesn’t work most of the time, and it’s definitely not working now.
The walk is short and Jungkook soon finds himself standing across from the mystery guy. He looks up at Jungkook, and if he’s startled by this stranger’s sudden appearance in front of him, his face doesn’t show it.
Jungkook stares at him for far longer than he knows is acceptable, but he can’t help it. He’s even more attractive up close. But Jungkook catches himself just before he starts to seem like a creep. Hopefully.
He decides to start simple, saying, “Hi, I’m Jungkook,” and even though there’s nothing about that statement that can be misconstrued, he cringes at himself.
Mystery guy just looks at Jungkook and his face doesn’t change immediately. Jungkook tries to do some damage control by adding, “I like the stickers on your laptop,” and Mystery guy’s eyes follow Jungkook’s finger, but he still doesn’t say anything.
Jungkook doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. There’s a weird expression on Mystery guy’s face and Jungkook just knows that he thinks Jungkook is stupid. So when Mystery guy returns his gaze to Jungkook, he saves himself from further embarrassment by turning and nearly running away.
Jimin is laughing as Jungkook walks back toward him. Luckily, their drinks are in his hands so Jungkook pushes Jimin’s laughing form out of the door.
With tears brimming in his eyes, Jimin collapses on a bench in front of the cafe. “You didn’t even give him a chance to say anything!”
“Yes I did!” Jungkook can feel his entire face and neck burning red with embarrassment. “I’m never listening to you again. And I still want my forty dollars.”
The intensity with which Jimin is laughing catches the attention of people as they walk by and Jungkook is left with no choice but to leave him there.
***
As Jungkook soon finds out, the third time's the charm.
It’s a Thursday evening the next week, and Jungkook is already spending endless hours cooped up in the library. All he wants to do is shower and climb into his bed. He plans on staying up all night playing video games since he doesn’t have any classes tomorrow, so of course, he’ll need coffee.
He thinks that he should at least try to have some kind of a cohesive sleeping schedule, but that thought passes as quickly as it came.
There are a million places where Jungkook can get coffee. This is a college campus, after all. But he can’t help it when his legs guide him to the same cafe he’s been going to since he got back on campus. He tells himself it’s because it’s the closest to the library, but he knows it’s not true. Because on some sick level, Jungkook wants to see that boy again. It’s become a habit. The fact that the last time he saw him ended up filling Jungkook with regret doesn’t stop him from entering again.
Without his permission, his gaze goes immediately to that same corner as soon as he walks through the doors. And again, Mystery guy is sitting there, again with a book propped open in front of him. Like clockwork, when Jungkook enters, the guy looks up and the two of them lock eyes.
Almost immediately, the barista greets him and asks for his order. Once he orders, he grabs a seat at a table close to the counter. He’s scrolling aimlessly on his phone when a napkin slides across the table into his view.
hi, im hoseok is scribbled in messy black ink on the napkin. Jungkook looks up and there Mystery guy stands, a smile on his face.
Jungkook is confused about the method of delivery, but his excitement about being acknowledged by Mystery guy overpowers it.
Not Mystery guy. Hoseok .
Jungkook tries to pretend he isn’t nervous when he smiles and says, “I’m Jungkook.” He hopes his nervousness isn’t as obvious to Hoseok as he thinks it is.
In lieu of replying, Hoseok turns the napkin on the table over, revealing another short note. I’m deaf. And upon reading that, a few things click in Jungkook’s mind.
He feels like an idiot. He’s embarrassed for a whole new reason altogether. Last time, when he spoke to Hoseok for the first time, he left without giving him a chance to respond. He must’ve made himself look like a complete dick.
Hoseok motions to the chair across from Jungkook, and Jungkook nods nervously. He slides into the seat and smiles at Jungkook. Jungkook shifts and returns the smile, hoping it isn’t awkward.
Jungkook is thinking of what he can say to Hoseok, but he comes up short. It seems like his brain still hasn’t accepted the fact that Hoseok is sitting across from him right now. He can’t even make eye contact for too long, or else he’ll start blushing.
He doesn’t have to say anything at all, because Hoseok pulls a new napkin out from the container on the table and starts writing again.
i wanted to tell u this last time, but u left 2 quickly
He glances up at Hoseok, who has a sheepish smile on his face, and starts blushing anyway. Typical.
im sorry. i was just nervous
Hoseok seems to gloss over that. what did you say a few days ago?
At this, Jungkook considers lying. He’s a grown man, and the first thing he could think of saying to a guy he’s interested in was something about stickers.
He gets a few more moments to consider lying when his name is called to get his drink. But when he returns to his seat, he opts for the truth. Something about Hoseok makes Jungkook feel as though he would never judge him for his awkwardness.
i said something about liking the stickers on your laptop
oh. i didn’t think they were that interesting
i just needed an excuse to talk to you
The smile that had been steadily on Hoseok’s face grows bigger when he reads that. Maybe there is some hope for Jungkook after all.
Jungkook desperately wants to continue talking to Hoseok, but he can feel his mind buffering as he struggles to find things to say. This is why he's eternally single, he thinks, because he can never get past the awkward getting to know each other phase. But he's jumping the gun anyway. Who's to say Hoseok would even be interested in him like that? All they know is each other's name.
Luckily for him, Hoseok saves him by sliding another note scribbled on a napkin across the table.
so, tell me about yourself
He hates this. There is absolutely nothing remarkable about him. He knows he can't tell his potential crush that though.
i think we'll run out of napkins
Hoseok laughs, a brief exhalation of air.
thats ok. my friends own this place
Jungkook raises his eyebrows at that when he reads it, but Hoseok just waves it off and points at the note asking Jungkook about himself. He sighs.
im 22. senior. computer science major .
He slides the napkin back over to Hoseok tentatively, worried about being so honest. He seriously hates to be talking about himself. He doesn't want Hoseok to lose interest in him. Maybe he should've lied about his major.
nice 2 meet you jungkook. im 24. 2nd year grad student
He'd had his suspicions, but finding out that Hoseok is older than him makes his heart swoon.
how's grad school? he writes back
sucks. but its my last year
what r u studying?
dance. i teach a couple of classes during the week
Instantly, Jungkook's brain says maybe you can teach me sometime , but he doesn't actually say it. Hoseok is looking at him as if he can read the things going on in Jungkook's mind so Jungkook drops his gaze again. Hoseok starts writing.
u should come by sometime
r u psychic?
Hoseok shakes his head and laughs that breathless laugh again and Jungkook feels his own breath slipping away.
sorry 2 leave so soon but i have class in 20 mins
Jungkook prays his face doesn’t reveal the disappointment he feels.
it was nice meeting you, hoseok
Jungkook wonders briefly if he'll ever see this man again. He knows that he wants to, knows that having this stupid crush on the stranger sitting in the corner of the cafe has brought some excitement into his life. Sitting here talking to Hoseok has been the first time in a while that he's been able to be one hundred percent present in the moment. He even forgot about his drink, the ice inside now melted.
He knows he wants to see Hoseok again, but he sits there and watches the older man pack up his things. He could stop him before he gets the chance to leave and ask to see him again, but he has zero confidence that he'd say yes. So he just sits there.
As Hoseok slips his backpack over his shoulder, he stops to write another note. Jungkook watches in anticipation as he scribbles quickly on the napkin, happy for any extra interaction he can get. As soon as he finishes writing, Hoseok slides the note over to Jungkook. He doesn't wait to see Jungkook read it before he walks away.
Jungkook follows him with his eyes as leaves the cafe. He stares at the entrance for a while, wondering how he got here. It takes him a few moments, but he remembers the note that Hoseok left him.
He turns it over and doesn't see any words on it, just numbers.
Hoseok's phone number.