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"You're seriously telling me Captain America can't get a date?" Sam asks, because seriously?
In the couple of months Sam's known him, she's seen at least a dozen people throw themselves at him - literally in one case. From two floors up, like Steve's Superman or something.
And, okay, it's not like Sam can't see how maybe that's not that great. How maybe Steve'd rather be dating someone who likes him for his personality or something, but come on.
Steve grimaces. Sam swallows a couple of comments about how maybe if Steve went out to meet new people sometimes, they wouldn't be having this conversation right now.
"So how is this my problem?" she asks instead, not bothering to sound even a little sympathetic.
Sam likes Steve, all right? Against her better judgment, and in spite of the whole Captain America thing, because underneath the Captain America nice guy on the outside, there's the Steve Rogers okay guy on the inside, who's still nice but also a bit of an asshole and in need of a reality check now and then, and Sam can work with that.
"It's not," Steve says, smiling in a way that makes Sam want to get out of here right now, because danger, Will Robinson. "Just figured that, well, you need a date and I need a date, so."
"Wait," Sam says, "you think just because you don't have a social life, I haven't got one either?"
Steve shrugs. "No harm in asking, right?"
Now, if Steve were asking her out on a real date, Sam'd have turned him down already. Because there's liking a guy and liking a guy, and Sam's pretty sure which kind of liking she's got going on when it comes to Steve.
On the other hand, no harm in a friendly friend date between friends, right? It'll be like a mission or something, except with fewer people shooting at them. Plus, Sam's pretty sure nobody else deserves to have Steve inflicted on them as a (fake) date, so there you go: she's going to take one for the team, and for Steve, and if part of her wishes it were maybe something not a fake date, that's between her and Redwing.
"Well, all right. Guess you got lucky."
The idea's that people are willing to fork over a lot of money (a serious lot of money) for a chance to make nice with real superheroes. Sam's not sure why anyone would want to, but since the money's going to a good cause, she figured she'd just roll with it.
SHIELD organized a couple of 'how to turn your missions into amusing, family-friendly anecdotes fit for sharing with the general public' sessions, which Sam decided to skip, because yeah, no. (For the record, Sam's great at parties. Funny, charming, you name it.)
Apart from that though, Sam was feeling pretty good about the whole thing.
And then they came out with the 'oh, and unless you bring a date, we're putting you in the bachelor(ette) auction'. Like, all right, shady government organization, blah blah blah, but Sam figured that, well, there'd be limits. Depths that wouldn't be sunk to. Basic human decency.
Her bad.
"Might want to work on that smile," Steve says, like an asshole, during a brief lull in the stampede of people wanting to shake Captain America's hand. (Sam's stopped introducing herself by now. But really, is it so much to ask for one person to go 'hey, you're the Falcon! cool!'?)
"Hey, thanks for coming out, your support means a lot," Sam says.
Steve bumps into her. A little bump, like a friendly nudge. Like they're just two buddies on a fake date.
Sam smiles, because, well. Not because Captain America told her to do so, let's leave it at that.
"Please tell me we can go home in, like, ten more minutes or so."
Steve chuckles. Sam wishes the sound didn't, like, make her feel things. "Sorry."
"There's going to be dinner in about half an hour though," Steve adds, shaking some old guy's hand, and then the old guy's wife's, and then posing for a selfie 'to show the grandkids'. (Sam's pretty sure that selfie's going to end up on Facebook or Tumblr or something, but whatever. Not her problem, since she's not in it.)
"Oh good," Sam says. The elderly couple look at her like they're wondering what her relationship to Steve is, exactly. Sam smiles in a way she hopes hints that she's totally got Captain America wrapped around her little finger or whatever.
They leave without even introducing themselves, so Sam figures maybe it worked.
"For the record, if you'd been in this thing, I'd have put up, like, five bucks," Sam says, trying not to wince as the audience takes Natasha's outfit in the spirit it's intended. (It's ... tight. Not really all that much tighter than what Natasha wears in the field, but, well. Different occasions, different moods.)
Sam'd be a bit worried, except that anyone stupid enough to think 'date I paid a lot of money for' means the 'look don't touch unless you've got permission' rule doesn't apply anymore definitely deserves what's coming to them - specifically one of Natasha's very sharp, surprisingly small and easy to conceal knives. Two if they're especially stupid.
"Five bucks, huh?" Steve's smiling again - his real smile, not the one he wears on missions and public speaking events. "Thanks. I guess."
Sam realizes that if he were just a guy and she were just a girl, she might find it hard to resist kissing him. "What, that's it? No, 'thanks, Sam, that means a lot, and if it were you, I'd put up a hundred, easy'?"
"A hundred? That's a lot of money," Steve says.
That's not even rent. Sometimes, Steve plays the 'guy from another century' card because even now, there's still stuff he doesn't really get. Other times, Sam's pretty sure it's an act. A good one, because Steve's nothing if not an overachiever. "You saying you don't think I'm worth it?"
"No," Steve says, ducking his head slightly.
Sam is half-delighted and half-appalled to realize she's blushing. "Good. 'cause we're friends, right?"
"Right," Steve says, sounding like maybe he wants to add something, like he's the kind of dumbass who thinks a fake date in a very public place is the perfect time to confess that yeah, Sam's amazing and great and way too good for him.
Lucky for both of them, Thor's up next in the bachelor auction.