Chapter Text
Kindness is a privilege that Xiao does not have.
For kindness was something that cruel people did not deserve, and he was cruel.
He would like to be kind.
Because if he was kind enough, then someone would learn to love him, and maybe, just maybe, his days would be less lonely.
Perhaps it was that he was selfish.
He takes another bite of his almond tofu. It melts in his mouth and clings on his tongue.
Yes. Selfish.
-
The director of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, Xiao barely saw her, but when he did, his days were always a little bit more interesting.
She would joke, and often times, he can't help but crack a smile. She was... compelling: very dismissive of death and societal taboos, always subjected them to mindless musings and ranting.
And for some reason, she caught wind of how he was the only one who vied on her. And she visited him often.
At least, that's what Xiao thinks.
She stuck on him quite easily, like gum under his shoe: annoying, but hard to get off.
(He could always pick her away, but he didn't want to.)
-
Xiao spends most of his nights alone in the Wangshu inn, sat on the roof as he watches the stars dance to the music of nocturne.
But tonight, the annoying mortal chose to sit with him.
(She could be anywhere, but she was there; and he was silent, and it bothered him how boring he was for someone so elusive.)
"Say... Xiao." she starts, and Xiao does not even give her so much as a glance, "Do you think anyone would care if I die?"
Xiao does not say it, but he would care if she died. He would be sad.
"I think... your friends would."
"Really?" she chuckles, "I'm the bane of Liyue, I don't think so. They would probably be greatful I'm gone~ No more scaring them and messing with their kitchens and telling them they need not concern the matters of the dead!"
"If you're so sure, why would you ask me?"
She shrugs, laughs again, "Maybe I wanted you to tell me you would miss me if I did." and then she stretches back, hands on the back of her head as she lies on ceramic, "It's stupid." her words slips off her mouth with a yawn.
Xiao nods, he hadn't had many mortal friends, save for the traveler and perhaps, her; no one had ever bothered him too much to grow on him, "...I'd miss you."
"You're just saying that."
And Xiao thinks that the kinder approach to this was to affirm her, to tell her that he loved her company, to tell her that she is never alone— because Xiao won't let her, and that as long as he is alive, and as long as she is alive, he would listen to her vindiction.
But she didn't deserve kindness from someone as cruel as he was, and he didn't want to ruin her because of his selfishness.
Because all he wanted to do at that moment was kiss her.
So Xiao would like to be kind.
"I mean it. I really do." he lies back, looks at her, finally, and the moonlight may glow far and wide, but it was never as bright as her, "And someone out there loves you very much."
"I hope it's you." she giggles, pinches his nose. He rolls his eyes.
And he hopes, in time, it would be him, but Xiao cannot be kind.
"Good night, Hu Tao."
"Good night, Xiao."