Work Text:
Red.
Everything is red.
She takes a quick glance around. She’s sitting at a table. She’s inside a restaurant, or maybe it’s more of a diner. The red light is coming from the neon sign hanging above her head; half of the u, the entire p, and the apostrophe in Lupe's aren't lit up, so it looks like it says Lies instead.
It’s late. This place is empty. She’s alone.
“Wow, I’m right here.”
Darlene tears her eyes away from the unoccupied cash register at the far end of the room and gawks at the source of the noise. Cisco is simpering at her from across the table; his hand is curled around a green glass bottle with a straw sticking out at the top. The chair he's currently occupying was empty just a few seconds ago.
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” He takes a long sip before setting the bottle down. “You don’t do family style.” He mockingly makes quotation marks with his fingers. “I’ll get you another one if you’re really gonna be that uptight about it.”
Her brow scrunches with confusion. She stares down at her plate, which seemingly materialized out of nowhere; the bacon looks soggy and the eggs are runny.
I ordered the breakfast combo, and he stole some of my bacon.
“What the fuck’s going on? Why are you here?”
He quirks an eyebrow at her. “We’re having a romantic late night meal for two. What else does it look like?” He nods at her plate. “You gonna eat that?”
Darlene’s eyes widen just a bit when she finally remembers why this place feels so familiar.
“You died here.” She glances at the large window next to her, but it’s too dark to see if there’s anyone lurking outside. In fact, she can’t see anything; there’s no sidewalk, no street, no sign of life or proof of civilization beyond the confines of this restaurant. She’s staring straight into black, inky nothingness.
“There she is.” Cisco mutters as he pulls her plate closer to him. “A ray of sunshine in the dark void of my existence.”
If she wasn’t smacked in the face with déjà vu before, she’s getting pummelled with it now.
“I’m being serious. We were sitting here in this exact spot, and then the Dark Army came out of nowhere and wasted you.” She pulls away from the window and glances at their table again. His plate is pushed off to the side, empty and shiny with leftover grease. Hers is still abundant with eggs, bacon, and hash browns - but it looks like it won’t stay that way for long.
“Are you high? Did you jack some pills off a nurse at the hospital or something?” Cisco retorts through a mouthful of scrambled eggs. He’s wearing the exact same outfit he had on when he died, red hat and everything. “Jesus, Darlene - maybe you need the food more than I do.”
She watches him scoop another forkful of eggs, and her brow scrunches up again. Logic dictates that there should be an empty spot on the plate where the eggs previously were, but she just sees more eggs. When Cisco picks up a piece of bacon, she expects the plate to have less bacon, but it looks like the bacon never left in the first place, even though she can clearly see it pinched between his fingers. It’s like the plate is glitching.
“Okay,” She laughs out of disbelief and swings her legs to the side of her chair, preparing to stand up. She notices she’s also wearing the same clothes she had the last time she was here; the brass buttons on her jacket are catching glimpses of the burning red neon sign dangling by the window. “I’m getting the fuck out.”
“C’mon.” He turns his head to face the window and the dark void beyond it. “We just got here. Where else are you gonna go?”
She’s had her fair share of weird dreams, but this is way more than just weird. Is it a nightmare? It doesn’t feel like one, but there’s definitely something off about it, and she doesn’t want to stick around and find out.
“Why not?” Cisco asks, and when she throws him a bewildered look he laughs at her. “You said it yourself - it’s a dream. Weird shit happens in dreams.”
“Well, I don’t like this dream.” She frowns. “I want out.”
“Oh, that stings.” He places a hand over his heart, his expression feigning hurt. “I thought I was the love of your life.”
She swallows hard and hastily rises to her feet. “I need to get the fuck out of here.”
“You’re not even gonna wait for your girl?” Cisco’s tone is saturated with disdainful sarcasm. “I figured you’d at least stay for her.”
Darlene perks up at this words. “Dom’s coming?”
“She should be.” He doesn’t seem amused with her enthusiasm. “She did before.”
“I don’t have to wait for her.” She moves towards the door. “I can look for her myself.”
“Yeah, I wouldn’t go out if I were you.” Cisco jerks his head towards the window. “I can guarantee you’ll find shit out there, but it won’t be her.”
She quizzically stares at the nothingness on the other side of the glass. “Like what?”
“Nothing worth searching for, trust me.” He gestures at the empty seat across from him. “What if you head out and she shows up while you’re gone? You’ll just miss each other again. You don’t want that.”
She definitely does not.
“Exactly, so just sit your ass down and wait.” He rolls his eyes. “You’ve always been so fucking impatient, I swear.”
Darlene heaves a sigh in resignation before lumbering back to their table, begrudgingly plopping down and stubbornly crossing her arms. When Cisco laughs, she throws him a glare. “What?”
“Since when did you start getting raging hard-ons for cops?” He chews on the end of another strip of bacon. “You sold out, man.”
Her eyes narrow. “This jealous ex act is getting old. You can drop it now.”
“What’s there to be jealous of?” He takes another sip of her drink, and she notices that the bottle isn’t getting any emptier. It’s still full when he places it back on the table.
“A shit ton.” Darlene leans forward and rests her forearms on the table. “She’s miles ahead of you.”
“Oh yeah?” He stops eating for a little bit. “How?”
She scoffs. “I don’t need to justify anything to you. You’re not even fucking real; you’re just a stupid projection of my subconscious.”
“So…” He draws out the o a few seconds longer than necessary. “You don’t have an answer.”
“I do. I just don’t feel like saying it.” She grumbles. “Plus, you’ve been reading my mind all fucking night. If you want to know so bad, why don’t you just do that?”
“Because I think it’s better if I heard it from you.” He responds casually. “You need to say it out loud.”
“Why?”
“It’s not healthy to bottle shit up like that. You should let it breathe.” He shrugs. “And I’m technically not an ex. I died, remember? We didn’t break up. There’s a difference.”
She purposely ignores the second part. “Funny how you’re preaching about letting it breathe when that’s the exact opposite of what we used to do.” She shakes her head. “We couldn’t talk about anything. It was fucking suffocating.”
“We talked.” He protests. “We just couldn’t talk when shit got real.”
“You’re supposed to talk when shit gets real.” Her tone is sharp. “All we did was fight, ignore each other for awhile, and then we’d get back together and pretend like nothing happened. That’s not healthy.”
“Why are you acting like you knew this all along? I know you didn’t.” He reaches for another piece of bacon. “Get off your high horse, Darlene. Just because you’re with this new person who made you grow up a bit doesn’t mean you can be this all-knowing, condescending asshole.”
She laughs humourlessly. “See, this is why we would’ve never worked out. You never had a single good thing to say about me. It’s like you only had an eye for the shit you hated.”
“Oh, so I’m the only one who made mistakes in this relationship?” Cisco snorts and shakes his head. “Need I remind you of the many times you fucking ditched me to run off with that hot shot banker dude?”
“I didn’t run off with him.” Darlene rolls her eyes. “He was just a stupid hookup. I only kept him around when we were on a break.”
“As if that makes it any better - and we went on a lot of breaks, if I can recall.” It’s his turn to roll his eyes. “Did you even give a shit? Did any of this ever matter to you at all?”
Okay, that hurt a little.
“Of course it did.” She can feel a lump forming in her throat and she hates herself for it. “I just…I was bad at showing it. I know I should’ve done better. I should’ve showed that I cared when it actually mattered, but I didn’t, and I regret that.” She reaches for one of the napkins and starts tearing it into little pieces. “I’m sorry.”
There’s a long stretch of silence before Cisco speaks up again. “Never thought I’d hear you say those words.” He chuckles. “She’s really done a number on you, huh?”
She forces herself to stare at the ripped napkin in her hands. She doesn’t want to look at him right now. “What the hell does she have to do with any of this?”
“You weren’t like this when we were a thing.” She can hear him picking up his fork. “Weren’t you the one who said that love is forever is total bullshit?”
She swallows, but the lump in her throat stubbornly stays put. “Look, I know I was a shitty girlfriend-”
“You were a really shitty girlfriend,” His tone is hard at first, but he lets up a little and his expression relaxes. “But I wasn’t perfect either. I probably coulda stepped up too.”
“At least you tried. I mean, it wasn’t much of an effort, and you definitely could’ve done more, but it was better than nothing.” She listlessly shrugs her shoulders. “I can’t really say the same for myself.”
“Oh, trust me, I know.” He smirks, and he laughs when she rolls her eyes. “Let’s not forget about the billions of times you pretended you gave a fuck so you could get what you wanted. Remember that night when you got all buddy-buddy so you could talk to the Dark Army behind my back? Or the time when you-”
“I get it,” She begrudgingly cuts in. “But I wasn’t pretending to give a fuck…at least not all the time. I just told you that I cared. I wasn’t good at showing it, that’s all.” She sighs and brushes a hand through her hair. “You were a pretty terrible boyfriend, but…it wasn’t all bad. You stuck around when you didn’t have to. I never thanked you for what you did for me.”
“You mean when I helped you shove that chick’s body into a puppy oven?” He quirks an eyebrow. “Or when I went back to her spot to grab all the evidence your careless ass left behind? Or all the other times I risked my actual fucking life so you and your brother could keep up with that pointless crusade that got me and your friends killed?”
“All of that and more.” She finally lifts her head to look at him, but he’s too busy eating hash browns to look back. “I never meant for any of that to happen - the shit with you, and all the crap Trenton and Mobley put up with. None of you deserved that. I didn’t want any of you to die. I’d take it all back if I could.”
He heaves a sigh and leans back, stretching his arms over his head before lurching forward and returning to his never ending meal. Do the dead ever get full? “Well, it’s kinda too late for that now.” He drops another piece of bacon into his mouth. “Only thing you can do is move on.”
“I have been.” She huffs. “Things were fine until you decided to pop into my head in the middle of the night.”
“Oh yeah?” He throws her a smirk in between mouthfuls of food. “How’s therapy going? Make any breakthroughs yet, or are you…fuck, what did your shrink call it again-” His forehead crinkles as he wracks his brain for the right words, and when they finally come to him his eyes pop wide and his mouth splits into a childish grin. “-oh, I got it: Letting your body keep the score?” He bursts into a fit of laughter and shakes his head. “The fuck kind of bullshit is that? Just call it a fucking panic attack. Jesus.”
She has to keep reminding herself that the imaginary person sitting in front of her isn’t really Cisco, but it’s hard when he’s acting so much like him. She always prided herself on having a sharp memory, but this just might be the first time where she actually regrets remembering things so well.
“I’m working on it.” Darlene mutters, and she tries her best to keep her cool when he scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I am. It’s a fucking work in progress, okay? I’m not gonna just magically get over everything. There’s a lot to process.”
“Am I supposed to just sit here and be okay with the fact that me, Trenton, Mobley, Romero, Angela, and a bunch of other people who had absolutely nothing to do with what you did died because all you wanted was to be besties with your big brother?” Cisco scoffs again and stabs the hash browns with his fork. “I always knew you were self-centred, but this takes it to a whole new fucking level. You coulda just done what normal people do and talked to him. That woulda saved a lot of time and trouble.”
“I couldn’t just fucking talk to him.” There’s exasperation clearly strewn all over her face. “It’s not that simple. You don’t know what we went through - what he went through.”
“You didn’t either,” Cisco shrugs. “At least not until recently, and you only found out because-” He gasps dramatically, and she rolls her eyes at him. “-you talked to him.”
“He talked to me.” She retorts. “He wasn’t ready to talk about it before, but he is now.”
“Shitty communication is kind of a running gag with you, huh?” He smirks before reaching for her drink again. “For a person who can’t keep her mouth shut, you never seem to know when to talk when you actually have to.”
“I said I was working on it, and I talk to people who actually give a shit about what I have to say.” She hisses. “I couldn’t talk to you because you always found a way to make me feel like shit. You always had to have the last word.” She shakes her head. “You didn’t believe in anything I ever did. You never supported me. You didn’t think I could do anything on my own.”
His eyes go wide with incredulity. “You’re joking, right? Who got you in touch with the Dark Army in the first place? Who got you that femtocell? Who helped you burn Susan Jacobs’ fucking corpse?” He jabs himself in the chest with a thumb. “You said it yourself: I stuck around when I didn’t have to. I supported you when I shouldn’t have. I was fucking there for you, Darlene, and what the hell did I get in return for all of that? A fucking bullet to the head in the middle of my goddamn meal.” He gestures to the full plate sitting in between them.
“Did you even want to do any of that?” She quirks an eyebrow at him. “Or did you do all of that shit because the Dark Army asked you to?”
He throws up his hands and laughs out of disbelief. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”
She suddenly remembers she’s waiting for someone. Darlene nervously glances out the window, only to have pitch black stare back at her. “Where is she? I thought she’d be here by now.”
“Why does it even matter if she comes or not?”
“I want her here.”
“Why?”
“Because I trust her, that’s why.”
“Really?” He snorts before shaking his head and shoving a forkful of eggs into his mouth. “In case you've forgotten, she's an FBI agent.”
“And that FBI agent is a hell of a lot more trustworthy than you ever were.” She glowers at him. “I was never able to figure out if you genuinely wanted to help me, or if you were just spying on me for the Dark Army. You were shady as fuck.”
“I was trying to protect you.”
“By sending the Dark Army pictures of me sleeping?” She scoffs and crosses her arms. “I should’ve hit you harder that day.”
“I needed to keep an eye on both of you.” He insists. “I had to make sure you weren’t stepping on anyone’s toes, and I had to make sure they weren’t plotting to kill your dumb ass - which they were, by the way. You just got lucky a few hundred million times.”
“I still don’t believe you.” She mutters. “Are you sure she’s coming? You didn’t tell the Dark Army to hold her hostage or anything? This isn’t some sick ploy to get me to take you back?”
He lets out an obnoxious laugh. “As if I’d go through the goddamn trouble of doing any of that. I know what she’s capable of, Dar. She’d waste an entire room of them in seconds.”
Christmas in Angela’s apartment. She can still hear Janice’s nasally voice.
“Yeah, that’s what I mean.” Cisco points to her with the prongs of his fork. “It’d be a complete waste of resources…but I guess it would be fun to see her go all John Wick on their asses. That must’ve been sick to watch in person.” He scoffs through a mouthful of hash browns. “Can’t believe she took a knife to the chest for you. She’s the textbook definition of a wet blanket…but even wet blankets have their surprises, I guess.”
“I didn’t mean for that to happen.” She swallows hard. “She would’ve ended up like you, and that was the last thing I wanted.”
“You were the reason why she got shanked in the first place.” He snorts. “Did you really think your femme fatale plan was gonna work? Again, you coulda just talked. She’s so goody-goody that she probably woulda helped you out if you explained why you needed to get into Sentinel, but nope - as usual, you decided to make things complicated for no reason, and you ended up ruining her life.” He mockingly tuts and shakes his head. “You’re lucky she’s so into you. That shit is unforgivable, in my humble opinion.”
She hates that he’s right.
“I know.” He smirks at her. “I’ve seen you pull some shady shit, Darlene, but what you did to her was a whole new low. You actually made her want to off herself!” He laughs, and it feels like sandpaper against her nerves. “You made me feel bad tons of times before, but never that bad.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Her voice is trembling. “You don’t know shit.”
He exhales sharply before taking a sip of her drink. “I know enough shit to say with confidence that it’s a complete fucking conundrum how you were able to crawl out of the hellhole you were stuck in for that entire year and remain in relatively solid shape. You ruined this woman’s life and nearly drove her to suicide. You called Angela your best friend, but let’s face it: You weren’t there for her as often as you should’ve been because you were too busy playing V For fucking Vendetta. Your dad didn’t give two shits about you, but you pretended you loved him and spewed all this shit about missing him and wishing he was here to your brother - who, by the way, knew your dad was the complete fucking opposite of what you thought he was, and was forced to listen to you drone on about him because you thought it would make you close again.” Cisco eyes her shocked expression and he laughs. “So please, Darlene - tell me more about how I don’t know shit.”
Everything goes blurry as her eyes quickly gloss over with tears. She hastily wipes them away with the back of her hand, and when her vision clears up the first thing she sees is him digging into more eggs. “I didn’t know what he did to him. Elliot didn’t want me to know, so he hid the truth from me. He thought it would keep me safe.” She sniffles as the tears rush back. “And Angela…I was scared. I didn’t know what to do for her. I didn’t know how to talk to her, or how to make it better. It was like when me and Elliot were kids and he was getting worse. I couldn’t do anything for him. I couldn’t do anything for her either…so I just bailed. I didn’t know what else to do.” She hiccups and wipes away more of her tears. “With Dom…she…she trusted me, and I betrayed her. I went behind her back and I hurt her, and I ruined everything, like you said. What else do you want me to fucking say?”
Cisco seems unperturbed by her tears, which is oddly comforting. The real Cisco would’ve backed off the second she started crying, so it’s a good reminder that none of this is real. “How is she still even here after all the shit you pulled on her? Is she that desperate?”
Darlene wipes her tears away and shrugs. “I don’t know. I ask myself the same questions every day.”
He scoffs as he chews on more bacon. “I really thought she’d be done once you ‘fessed up about the Susan thing. She has such a boner for law and order.”
“I thought so too,” She shakes her head. “But I think she always kinda knew. She was just waiting for me to confirm it.”
“She saw right through you on that first night.” He chuckles. “The tension was so thick in that small ass room; it’s amazing how the both of you didn’t choke to death.” He makes a dramatic flourishing motion with the hand that’s not holding a forkful of hash browns. “Sparks were flying. It was love at first sight.”
Darlene rolls her eyes. “She’s just really good at reading people, that’s all. It’s part of her job; she gets paid to do that kind of shit.”
“She’s really good at reading you.” He points out. “She knows you inside and out. You can’t hide anything from her.”
“Which is why I need her.” Her eyes quickly jump to the window, and when she doesn’t see anyone on the other side she sighs in defeat. “She calls me out on my bullshit and tells me what I need to hear.”
Cisco looks genuinely offended by her words. “I called you out on your bullshit all the fucking time.”
“But you did it in a shitty way.” She counters. “You always made me feel so fucking bad about myself. I could’ve told you I found the cure to cancer or whatever and you’d still find a way to make it look like it’s the worst thing I’ve ever done.”
“She’s no angel either.” He snorts. “She’s done some pretty shitty things to you too. Remember the day when she chewed you out for fucking her over? Or the time when she tied you up, tossed you into a bathtub, and bashed your head with her gun?”
“I had that one coming. I hurt her, and she was angry. Of course she was gonna take it out on me. She had every right to.” She shakes her head. “She apologized a billion times for that and for what happened at Angela’s - which, by the way, was something you never did.”
“Oh yeah, I’m the big bad toxic ex who made you hate yourself, and she’s your knight in shining fucking armour who put your poor broken heart back together.” He rolls his eyes. “If she’s so great, why were you trying so hard to make her into some weird substitute for me?”
“What?” She blinks incredulously. “I never did that.”
“So choosing Budapest as your getaway destination after your little Robin Hood act was just a coincidence?” He sneers at her. “You told her that you couldn’t go there by yourself after what happened with me. You wanted to use her as a stand-in. You thought you could pick up where we left off with her, and she knew it. That’s why she changed her mind and ditched you at the airport. She didn’t want to be your Cisco 2.0.”
Again, he’s right. Sort of. Not completely.
“She changed her mind because the Dark Army didn’t care about us anymore and she didn’t think there was a point in running away. It had nothing to do with me.” She sucks in a deep breath before continuing. “And it was a good thing we separated anyway. We needed the space to figure shit out before we could really do anything together. If we didn’t…we’d just end up like how you and I ended up.”
“With one person dead?”
She tries not to think about Christmas, but it’s hard not to. The image of Dom gasping and bleeding on the floor is permanently burned into her brain.
“With us not knowing how to talk to each other, or how to deal with shit when it gets really rough.” She rolls her eyes. “I have no problem talking to Dom when shit hits the fan because she doesn’t make me hate myself when I do it. She doesn’t twist my words so that it looks like everything’s my fault; she takes ownership for her own fuck-ups and promises to do better - and she actually keeps those promises too. It makes me want to do the same for her.” When he reacts with an indignant snort, she glares at him. “I also trust her, which is something I was never able to do full-time with you, and she makes me feel like it’s okay to be myself around her, because she actually likes who I am. I never felt that way with you.”
He briefly pauses eating so he can wipe his mouth with a napkin. “So, what’s your point?”
“My point is that things are better now that she’s here, and I want her to stay. I screwed up big time with her more than once, but I can’t keep doing that. I have to be better for her. I want to give her a reason to stick around.” Darlene sighs. “I hate what happened to you that night. I hate that I had to watch you die right in front of me. I hate that you’re not here because of me…but I wouldn’t have her if things didn’t go down the way they did. If that was the only way to have her in my life, then I have to learn to be okay with what happened. I will be okay; I just have to give it time, that’s all.”
Cisco takes a few more bites of food before responding to her. “What do you think woulda happened if that night turned out differently?”
She stiffens at his words. “I don’t know.”
He rolls his eyes before reaching for her drink. “Of course you do.”
She fiddles with her hands. “I don’t, and I don’t really care. It doesn’t matter, anyway.”
“Oh, I think it does.” His laugh is dark. “C’mon, indulge me. If I didn’t die that night, what would’ve happened?”
“Cisco, I really don’t-”
“You know exactly what would’ve happened, and that’s why you don’t wanna say it.” He smirks. “Remember what you said to me that night? You wanted to bail and get away from all of this so the Dark Army wouldn’t find us.” He gestures at the barren restaurant. “If I survived, we would’ve left. Gone into hiding somewhere, probably someplace far away. Maybe Budapest.” He chuckles, but there’s no humour to it. “You would’ve never spoken to her outside this place. You’d never see her again. She wouldn’t have been a part of your life.”
“Shut up.” She closes her eyes and buries her hands in her hair.
“And you hate thinking about that because you hate thinking about the person you might’ve turned out to be if things went down that way.” He pauses for a second. “Or, I guess you wouldn’t be turning into a different person, because we both know you would’ve never changed, and that’s why you hate thinking about it so much - because you hate who you used to be.”
“I hate the person I was when I was with you.” She retorts through gritted teeth.
“You’re really gonna blame your shitty personality on me?” He laughs again. “I might’ve been a part of it, but you were like that way before we were a thing.”
“And you made me comfortable with being shitty for the longest time.” Her hands curl into fists. “You never gave me a reason to want to be better. You hated everything I did; it made me feel like you’d still hate me even if I tried to change, so there was no point. You only liked me when I was easy to be around.”
“In case you haven't noticed, you're rarely easy to be around.” He chuckles. “In fact, you're a real piece of fucking work.”
“And I'm not denying that one bit, but at least she makes an effort to put up with me when I'm being difficult.” She scoffs. “She doesn't put me down or make me feel bad for being the way that I am; she actually fucking listens to me, and she treats me like an actual person instead of some hopeless nuisance. She knows when to sit through my hissy fits and work through them with me, and she also knows when to step back and give me space so I can work through them myself. She's patient and understanding - two of the many words I'd never use to describe you.”
“Your trauma and psychological dysfunction were never my responsibility.” He narrows his eyes. “They're not hers, either.”
“I know they aren't, but she pushes me. She reminds me that I’m not as shitty as I think I am, and that I owe it to myself to get better. She believes in me, and she believes it’s possible for me to change. She knows I can change, which is why she pushes me. No one’s ever done that for me before.” Darlene swiftly rubs her eyes before continuing. “I like being her girlfriend. I like who I am when I’m with her because I know that she’ll always find something about me to like no matter who I am or who I end up becoming. She makes me better - she makes me want to be better so I can eventually deserve her someday.”
He scoffs. “You hate the idea of belonging to someone else. Isn’t that why you dumped me when I proposed to you?”
“I hate the idea of belonging to you. I was never yours in the first place.” She glares at him. “And for the record, I don’t belong to her either. She doesn’t look at it that way. Nobody owns anyone. We’re just…together, and even though we can be very different sometimes, it works. It works really well.” Her eyes drop to her lap. “I want it to stay that way.”
She’s getting tired of this conversation - if she can even call it that. She knows she’s just arguing with herself.
“Yeah, me too.” He’s absentmindedly stirring his fork into his - her eggs.
Her eyes keep glazing over with tears, and she hates it. “She’s not coming, is she?”
He shrugs. “I think you already know the answer to that.”
“Then there’s no reason for me to be here.” She wipes her tears away with her sleeve. “This was a complete waste of my fucking time.”
“Don’t blame me. This is your weird ass dream; your brain is conjuring all of this up, not me.” Cisco snorts. “This was never about you leaving, Darlene; it’s about you letting go.”
“Letting go of what?”
He spreads his arms. “This - all of this. You said it yourself: You have to learn to be okay with what happened here.”
More tears rush back, and she sniffles before wiping them away. “It’s not just that. I wouldn’t have Dom if shit went down differently that night, but I hate that you had to die in order for me to have her in the first place. I hate that I want to be okay with that, because you didn’t deserve to die. You deserved a lot better, especially from me.”
His brow furrows with thought. A few seconds pass by before he finally answers her. “So, you have to learn to be okay with wanting to be okay.”
“Yeah, something like that.” She lets out a shaky sigh and laughs to herself before wiping away more tears. “Guess you were right. I needed to let things breathe.”
“A little conversation goes a long way.” He smirks. “Feel better now?”
“Kind of.” She chuckles. “Thanks. This wasn’t a waste of time after all.”
The unmistakable sound of a revving motorcycle engine cuts clean through the air. Darlene turns to face the window, and her eyes widen slightly when she spots a bike quickly approaching. Panic quickly begins to rise in her chest, but it’s cut short when Cisco speaks up.
“Don’t worry.” He’s casually picking at his meal; he didn’t even bother to look up at the incoming motorcycle. “They’re here for me, not you.”
Darlene anxiously stares at the bike. “But that just means you’re gonna die again.”
“And you have to be okay with that.” He reminds her. “This is about letting go, remember? You tried the whole running away thing billions of times before and that never brought you anywhere worthwhile. Do the grownup thing for once and face it. Accept it for what it is, and move on.”
The bike slows down to a stop just a few feet away from the window. Darlene takes a deep breath and closes her eyes as she holds it in. When she opens her eyes and slowly exhales a few seconds later, the bike is still there, but she doesn’t feel as scared as before.
She pulls away from the window so she’s facing Cisco again. Her expression relaxes, and she even manages to crack a small smile. “Okay.”
The motorcycle’s single headlight shines through the window, briefly illuminating the barcode tattooed onto Cisco’s forearm.
“I always hated that thing.” She laughs quietly. “It’s so fucking ugly.”
“I got it for you.” He sets the drink down for the last time and throws her a small smile.
Time is running out, and they both know it. “I never asked you to get it for me.”
“I know.” He presses his back against his chair, sighing before turning his head to face the window. There’s a figure standing next to the bike; they’re swathed in black clothing, and their face is obscured by a heavily tinted helmet. They’re fully armed and in position, ready to strike.
“Guess this is it, huh?” She feels sad for some reason. “Back into the void you go.”
He shrugs. “It’s not so bad; it’s actually kinda nice. There’s a reason why some people call it the big sleep - great movie, by the way.” The Dark Army grunt impatiently gestures with their gun, and he rolls his eyes. “Alright, alright. Geez. Y’know, there are some people out there who can’t wait to die.”
“I can.” She chuckles, and she smiles when he laughs with her. This feels more like their last real moment together before he died. Is it bad that she kind of wants this to last a little longer? “Do you really think I wouldn’t have changed if things turned out different that night?”
“Maybe,” He shrugs again. “But it doesn’t matter because it didn’t turn out that way. You are who you are now because of what happened, and I’m not just talking about that night. You are a direct result of everything that ever happened to you, and you should be proud of that, because even though you went through some crazy shit, you turned out okay in the end.”
She can feel her eyes welling up again. “I think that’s the nicest thing you ever said to me.”
He’s still wearing that sad, small smile. “Just promise me you’ll keep getting better. No half-assed shit, either; you’ll keep working on yourself every day. You’re gonna keep up with this therapy thing, you’re gonna keep talking to your brother, and you’ll remind your girlfriend that you give a shit about her. Promise me you'll do better with her.”
“I will. I’m gonna keep doing all those things, I promise.” The grunt gestures with their gun again, and she sighs. “Time for you to go.”
“Time for you to go.” He reaches for one last strip of bacon. “I’ll see you around, Darlene.”
Her cheeks are wet with tears, but she smiles anyway.
“Yeah. See you.”
Cisco gives the grunt a single nod, and they nod back.
They raise the gun and pull the trigger.
She jolts awake just as the bullets pierce the window. Her heart is pounding, and her breathing is shallow and laboured. She can still hear the glass shattering as she quickly takes in her surroundings: Chipped paint on the walls, mismatched furniture, empty takeout containers, a Patsy Cline poster. There isn’t a lot of red, thank God.
It’s bright in here; it must be morning. Did that dream really last all night long?
She twists around in bed, only to be bombarded with red, but it’s not red light that she’s seeing. It’s red hair - a whole mess of it. It’s running in every possible direction and it’s sticking out at funny angles. It’s soft, pliant, flowing; nothing like the harsh, searing, violent glow from the restaurant. It’s the most beautiful fucking thing Darlene has ever seen.
She immediately moves in, slipping an arm around Dom and cuddling as close as she can before burying her face into the crook of her neck. Her eyes well up and she breathes a watery sigh of relief when she feels Dom’s arms engulfing her; the redhead holds her close, humming quietly before sleepily dropping a kiss to her forehead.
She’s real. She’s here.
She’s real.
Darlene sniffles as the tears streak down her face; the sound prompts Dom to open her eyes, and when she glances down at her crying girlfriend she leans back a bit in surprise before gingerly wiping the tears away. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
Her voice is gentle, soothing. It’s also a little gravelly from fatigue. It’s Darlene’s favourite sound.
“Nothing.” She shakes her head. “Just a stupid dream.”
“It can’t be that stupid if you’re crying about it.”
Darlene reaches up to place a hand on the redhead’s cheek, wordlessly signalling for her to angle her head downward so they can meet eyes. “You’re not going anywhere, right?” She swallows hard as she scans Dom’s face for any reason to not believe whatever she’ll respond with. “You’re staying here…with me?”
The redhead blinks at her, clearly confused, but she shakes her head anyway. “I’m not.” She turns her head just enough so she can kiss the heel of her girlfriend’s palm. “I’m staying right here with you.”
Darlene can feel her chest decompressing with relief. “Okay.” Her eyes flutter to a close as Dom leans in to kiss her.
“Darlene.” The redhead murmurs against her lips before pulling away.
“What?”
“You can talk to me. You know that, right?” Dom’s grey eyes are painfully earnest. She hates it when she gives her that stupid puppy dog look, but that’s mostly because she knows she’ll give in right away. “You can tell me anything.”
She can feel an ache pulsating in her chest. Darlene swallows again and reaches farther up to brush the hair away from Dom’s face. “Do you think I’m better?” There’s a short pause. “Better than before, I mean. Before all of this started.” Another pause. “When we first met.”
Dom looks more confused than before. “You mean the night when…” She trails off when she sees the sombre confirmation in Darlene’s expression.
For a second she swears she can see the neon red sign looming over them. “Yeah.”
“Did you have a dream about it?” Dom’s brow is creased with worry.
“Kind of.” Darlene briefly closes her eyes again as the redhead tucks a strand of brown hair behind her ear. “I was sitting in that same restaurant with Cisco. I wanted to leave so I could look for you, but he said you were coming, so I stayed and waited.” The sigh that escapes her lips is shaky, and she can feel her eyes stinging. “You never came.”
Dom is bemused for a second, but she quickly laughs it off. “Your therapist is gonna have a field day with that one.”
“Tell me about it.” Darlene mutters. “It’s definitely not the worst dream I’ve ever had, but I’d rather not have it again.”
“Did you talk to him?”
“Yeah.” She frowns. “I said everything I needed to say - well, everything I wished I could say. Stuff I should’ve said to him when he was still around to hear it.”
Dom gives her a small nod. “Did it help?”
Good question. “I think so.” She shifts around in the redhead’s arms so she’s more comfortable. “I know he didn’t actually hear any of it and it was all in my head, but…I feel better, so I guess that’s what matters.” She glances up at her. “He wanted me to remind you that I give a shit about you.”
Dom laughs again. “That’s kinda nice of him. I thought he’d hate my guts.”
“He totally does, but he knows I care about you, so there’s not much he can do.” Darlene tightens her hold on her waist. “I really do give a shit about you, though. You’re one of the most important people to me.”
“I know,” Dom smiles at her before quickly leaning in to kiss her on the lips. “And you are better. You work so hard at getting better every single day. I’m proud of you.”
Darlene can feel her eyes stinging. “Yeah?”
“Of course.” Dom kisses her again. “You’re important to me too, Darlene.”
Her expression is doubtful when they break the kiss. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? You’re okay with me, even after everything I’ve done?”
“I’m not okay with everything you’ve done, but you haven’t given me reasons to leave.” Dom rakes a hand through her hair.
“I dunno,” Darlene mumbles. “Ruining your life and murdering someone are pretty good reasons to leave.”
Dom chuckles. “Yeah, but you’re not that person anymore.” She clicks her tongue. “I told you before that it’s not really that black and white. What you did was wrong, obviously, but…” She shrugs. “I dunno. Maybe I’m being a little too forgiving, but I’m pretty sure you learned your lesson and you won’t be doing those things again.”
“I definitely won’t.” Darlene’s voice is slightly muffled against Dom’s shirt.
“We used to bring out the worst in each other, but now that things have changed, I think it’s the exact opposite; we bring out the best in each other now. You’re different - you’re better, and when we’re both better, great things happen. That’s more than enough to convince me to stick around.” She presses a kiss to her forehead. “You could be a little less annoying, though. That would make things perfect.”
She laughs and shakes her head before Dom leans in for another kiss. She loves how easy things are with her, how she never feels like she’s walking on eggshells. She’s an anchor, a grounding force that keeps her head on her shoulders. There’s something so safe and affirming about Dom; she’s exactly the kind of steadfastness Darlene needs to keep her from spinning out of control. All the more reason to keep getting better so she can stay.
“Wanna get something to eat?” Dom ruffles her hair with a hand and throws Darlene a toothy grin. “I won’t stand you up this time, I promise.”
She laughs again. “Sure, I can eat.” She pauses for a second. “Can we go to that place? The one where shit between me and him ended, and where shit between you and I started.”
The redhead frowns. “Are you sure?”
She nods before sitting up and rising to her feet. She grabs Dom by the hands and pulls her out of bed.
“Yeah.” She smiles as she throws her arms around the redhead’s neck and pulls her in to touch their foreheads together. “They make really good bacon and eggs there.”