Work Text:
Originally posted by fernandaguillard
Small Heath didn’t feel the same anymore after he had left. His array of illegal business still continued hidden from the eyes of many but not you. You were there to witness every moment, from the beginning, and you would be here till the very end.
Your loyalty for Tommy was something you couldn’t help; even after he had broken your heart, at multiple occasions that too.
You have known Tommy since forever. Being best friends with his sister, Ada, you spent more time at the Shelby’s than your own. You couldn’t recall a particular timing when you first liked him, maybe it was always there.
Tommy before the war showed that he liked spending time with you, even when no one else was present. Of course, all the Shelby brothers teased you, but it was different when Tommy did it. You couldn’t explain how exactly but it was. And he knew it too. At times when Ada was busy, Tommy would gladly spend time with you. He always held the brightest smile, it was something he couldn’t help whenever you were around.
Everything went downhill when the war happened, you could only contact him through letters and not wanting it to seem weird, you only sent them rarely. Sometimes, he’d reply, sometimes, your letters would be left unanswered. Though it hurt, you understood how hard it must be on him.
Thankfully, the war was finally over, men returned home, tearful greetings were shared, but this time, it was a whole new Tommy. He’d hardly met your gaze, always quiet even if he was asked something, his answers were one worded. He seemed to close off so everyone respected his need for privacy and gave him space.
Things did get better as years went by. Of course, Tommy before the war was never returning, he rarely smiled now. He was different, a little intolerable at times; always scheming in his head. You doubted that he ever gave it a rest.
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It all started during the Garrison’s grand reopening. A chance for everyone to let loose and forget their miseries for just another night. Tommy, too, ‘enjoyed’ the party, with a drink in his hand that always stayed and his eyes searching the whole room, making sure nothing wrong happened. When it got a little too much to bear, he decided to head to a quieter room where no one was around.
Taking a seat, he lit a cigarette, dragging a puff as he sighed at the thought of his previous lover and their memories which corrupted his mind again. He tried his best to shut them out but he couldn’t help it. Another sigh left his mouth as he pulled out an envelope from the inner pocket of his coat and took a look at it. Grace was a closed chapter of his life. Or at least he wanted it to be. The sweet moments that had made his heart rush were nothing but a sham and he tried his best to forget them. With much contemplation, Tommy held up a lighter to it and within seconds, the letter burned.
Just then he heard someone open the door and he saw you walk it. Somehow, Tommy had expected it to be you. Besides Polly, you were the only person who could tell what was going on with him. And, as Polly was going through a few problems of her own, it was you who noticed him walk out of the party.
Tommy knew this. He knew you could read him better than anyone and it absolutely terrified him.
“Enjoying the party, I see,” You said and stepped forward, taking the seat in front of him as he sighed at your comment.
“Is Ada here, yet?” He asked, looking away from you.
“No, not yet,” Your eyes linger on the burnt letter then shift at him knowingly. He could feel you staring and it irked him to know why.
“Yes, (y/n)?” His tone was annoyed as he rolled his eyes and finally held your gaze.
“She could never be one of us, Tom.” You state as a matter of fact but made sure your tone was soft. You never felt the need to hide your disdain for Grace, you hated her for what she did to Tommy.
“You don’t know that.” He rolled his eyes once more, getting a little defensive but he knew you were probably right. You chose to stay silent and just raise a eyebrow which annoyed him even further. “Fine! you’re right, is that what you wanted to hear?”
“You know that’s not true.” You said calmly.
“Then what is, (y/n)? That the woman I loved betrayed me? That my family thinks of me as a fool for falling in love with her?” His tone was harsh but that wasn’t what caused your heart to sink. You inhaled sharply at his mention of the word ‘love.’ It hurt you to know that you loved a man who’s heart already belonged to someone else.
“You’re not a fool, Thomas.” You look down at your hands that were placed on your lap. Trying your best to calm your emotions, you say, “We’ve all loved people we shouldn’t have.”
Curiosity struck him at your words and he raised one of his eyebrows. “All of us, eh?”
Not wanting to answer him, you shook your head and got up from your seat, exiting the room as you left him to his thoughts.
The party hadn’t slowed down in the least bit when you returned. Ada had soon joined the rest of her family. You, of course, hugged your best friend and her adorable son, telling her that you had missed her. The laughter and music continued and as the time passed, you grew tired and decided to retire for the day. After exchanging goodbyes with the Shelby’s, you walked out of the door, soon noticing that someone had followed you.
Tommy looked displeased, probably because you hadn’t told goodbye to him specifically or it had to do something with your last conversation. “(y/n),” He called out, causing you to sigh and turn around to face him.
“What is it, Thomas?”
“Can we talk?” Sighing at his question once again, you turned back and started walking in direction to your flat.
“What about?” You turn your head slightly and see him following you as he pulls out a cigarette and lit it.
“Earlier,”
“You have to be more specific.” You knew what he was talking about but felt like dodging the topic for a little while.
“‘We’ve all loved someone we shouldn’t have,’ what was that about, ay?”
“Forget it.”
“Who was it that broke your heart?” He continued.
“God, Shelby, do you ever stop?”
“Do I know him?”
“Doesn’t matter, you should go home”
“Not until I get my answers.”
“Why do you care?”
“I’ll always care about you,” Your heart, of course, skipped a beat. It was surprising what even the simplest things he said did to you.
“Doesn’t seem like it most of the time,” You scoff.
“Then let me show you,” He held you by your elbow, making you turn around as his eyes looked into yours deeply.
“You’ve had your many chances, Tommy.” Your tone was both bitter and sad at the same time.
His eyes searched yours for answers as you two stood under the grim street light, your flat only a couple steps away. After a long pause, he asked, “Is it me?”
You looked away as you could no longer hold his gaze with the tears that had started brimming at your lash line. Closing your eyes for a few seconds, you blinked back the tears and looked at him again. “Yes,” A whisper was all you could manage to let out without crying.
“(y/n),” He says your name softly and his hand comes up to rest on your cheek. “You deserve someone better. Someone your age who isn’t as fucked up.”
You could no longer hold your tears, one of them slid down your cheek but Tommy was quick to wipe it. “What if it’s you who I want?” Your voice was barely above a whisper but he heard it clearly.
Without a second thought, he brought his face closer to yours, stopping with just an inch between you two as he started at your eyes intently and said, “I could never give you what you want,”
You fully understood what he meant but you craved his touch too much to care for the consequences. “I know.”
It didn’t take him longer than a second to place his lips on yours. His other hand encircled around your waist as he pulled you closer. Your hands fisted his coat, keeping him as close to you as possible.
He tasted like cigarettes and whiskey but you couldn’t care less. You’d been wanting to kiss him ever since you were a silly teen; even now, it felt a little surreal that you were finally kissing the man you have loved since forever.
His lips were slightly chapped but that didn’t stop you from rushing into the kiss, the soft sensualness quickly turned into something more as he pulled apart and outlined your lips with his tongue. You take this as a sign to part them, granting him full access to explore your mouth. He pulled away once again, only to pull your lower lip between his teeth, earning a sharp moan from you.
“Thomas,” You moan his name as he continues to place kisses on your jawline and down your neck.
“Not here,” He stops once he registers your words, you swiftly pull him inside your flat, not wanting to waste another minute.
Once you were inside, you joined your lips with his. This time, it was quicker; your body ached for his touch. You tugged on his coat, letting it fall on the floor of your living room, whilst his hands found the back of your dress, his fingers dancing on the zipper as he pulled it down.
“Are you sure?” His voice was hoarse, for just this moment he didn’t care about anything or anyone. Not grace, not his business, just you and the way your fingers touched his skin.
Your eyes shut and a moan escaped your lips when he kissed the centre of your neck, his lips hovered over the outline of your breasts, waiting for your answer. “Yes, Tommy, I want this.” That was all he needed to kiss every inch of your skin, make you scream until the only word you remembered was his name.
Tommy didn’t know what you meant to him. Maybe it was his loneliness, the need to feel someone close but you weren’t just any other girl. You were (y/n), the woman who had seen all his ups and downs, someone who knew exactly what was going on in his head. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt you but Thomas Shelby was a greedy man and right now, it was you who he needed.
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Tommy was gone the next morning. The space next to you was empty, his clothes that scattered over your floor last night were gone. It looked like he hadn’t been there at all but the memories of the previous night started flooding back in. You could remember his gentle creases on your thigh and the way his lips touched your exposed skin; thinking about it made your cheeks feel hot but you let out a sigh as the reality soon came crashing down.
Honestly, you knew Tommy wasn’t going to stay but a little part in you hoped that he did. Hope was all you had, hope was all you were living by. Hoping he’d see you once, hoping he’d realise how his every action affected you and now, hoping that he’d have stayed.
Tears welled at the back of your eyes as you rapidly tried to blink them away. You couldn’t though, the emotion was too strong to hold it in. It hurt too much to know he’d never feel the same way. After all, he’s the first man that you ever loved and you were certain he’d be the last. You weren’t in the mood to socialise so you spent the whole day in your flat and not with the Shelbys like you do almost everyday.
Days went by and you managed to avoid Tommy as much as you could but you could only do as much as to return home immediately after you were done with work. The hard stares were still there; you occasionally felt Thomas’ lingering gaze and you were sure he felt yours too. The tension between you two only intensified and It didn’t take much long for the situation to get unbearable.
Having enough of it, Tommy had sent you a note to meet him in his office. You contemplated whether you wanted to meet him or not but eventually decided to go.
When you arrived, you noticed that Lizzie wasn’t there. Just Tommy. His eyes were shut and you were certain he was thinking of his next big move; he never gave his brain a rest. There was a half empty bottle of whiskey on his table, some of its content poured in a glass. He had yet to notice your presence while you stood at the doorway so you cleared your throat, instantly making him aware that you were here.
“Ah, you’re here,” There was a slight surprise in his tone since he hadn’t fully expected you to come.
“What is it that you need?” You rolled your eyes and walked towards his desk, taking a seat in front of him.
He sighed, not knowing how to begin, “Alright, look, I’ve noticed that something’s wrong with you these past few days-“
“You don’t say.” You scoffed, interrupting him, causing him to sigh again.
“I know it’s ‘cause what happened that night. It shouldn’t have happened, I should’ve known better.”
“So, what? You want me to just forget whatever happened?”
“Yes,” Tommy said cautiously as he noticed your expression change. The annoyance turned into anger but you tried your best to not lash out.
“It’s so fucking simple for you, isn’t it? Fuck some girl then forget about it the next morning? Or does it being me made any difference? You think you’re the smartest man in the room, always making schemes in your head, one move ahead of everyone, but guess what, Tommy? I’ve been in love with you all my life!” Your statement did seem to surprise him a little since you were great at hiding your feelings. “Have you ever felt it? Even just once? Or is it only now that your loneliness has taken over you to finally see me?”
“(y/n), calm down.” Your anger ablaze at his statement and you stood up, no longer wanting to stay in his office which felt suffocating. Tommy mimicked your action as well.
“Don’t you dare tell me to calm down! I’ve been calm all my life. I’ve watched you fall in love with women that weren’t me and it hurt, it still does. I can’t keep pretending like your actions don’t affect me, Thomas. My heart breaks a little everyday knowing that you’ll never love me.” You couldn’t hold your tears any longer as they started to roll down your cheeks slowly. “All I’ve ever wanted is for you to see me.” You whispered, looking down at the table so he couldn’t see your tearful eyes.
Tommy’s face was guilt stricken as he opened and closed his mouth, trying to form words but he was left speechless. After the night you two spent together, he was well aware of your feelings but he didn’t know it had affected you so much.
“You know what’s even worse, Tommy?” Your voice was meek as you continued, “Even after all the pain it has caused me, I’ll still continue to love you for the rest of my life.” Hastily wiping your tears with the back of your hands, you carried your feet to the door and looked at him once more and said, “Goodbye, Thomas.”