Chapter Text
If there was one thing Natsuki Subaru had learned from his time in Lugunica, it was to expect the unexpected. Getting summoned to a parallel world was unexpected enough, but meeting the girl of his dreams, becoming a hero, going through the absolute nightmares that were his loops, and discovering that people actually had positive opinions about him all combined to show the former shut-in that any sense of normalcy in his life was now gone. As such, when he got sucked into some sort of mindscape while on the way to Priestella and had to duke it out with a demon, he was more annoyed than anything else. Of course this had to happen while he was laying the charm on Emilia.
Luckily, after a lot of fruitless fighting, he was finally saved from the demon's onslaught when some other guy showed up and banished it to the shadow realm. After a moment of silence between the two, the mysterious man spoke. He introduced himself as Jack Winston before telling him something that shocked him to his core: all of the royal candidates and their entourages knew about all of his loops. A quick showing of the theater they'd been dumped in and his loops on the screen was more than enough to convince him that his worst nightmare had come to life. Jack then interrupted his mental breakdown by telling him something so absurd, so utterly unbelievable, that even he was surprised when he heard it: that all of the royal candidates barring Felt had fallen in love with him.
Subaru took a moment to process that statement and consider its implications before responding… by bursting into laughter.
Did this "Jack" think he was an idiot? Subaru would be the first to admit that he wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he wasn't braindead. He knew that after seeing how disgusting of a person he was, his multitude of failures, and his connection to the Witch of Envy that the best he could hope for was to be treated with some level of basic dignity when they locked and drugged him up so that he couldn't return by death. Still, even if his future was grim, he was thankful to Jack for giving him the first genuine laugh he'd had in a while. He told Jack as much, and the man responded by shaking his head and snapping his fingers, sending Subaru's consciousness hurtling back to the waking world. When he opened his eyes to the sight of the royal candidates and their followers staring at him with unreadable expressions, he braced himself for the attack he knew was coming and promised himself that he wouldn't cry.
After receiving a lot of hugs, kisses, and aggressive cuddling from the girls Jack had specified, he realized that maybe the enigmatic man's words had some merit.
As for his promise to himself not to cry, he broke it in about two minutes.
Ever since that day, his life had become both less and more stressful than it had been before. Less, because he finally started getting some actual therapy since he could talk about Return by Death, Roswaal was locked up who-knows-where, he had all the lap pillows he could ever want, and his friends had been very supportive. More, because in addition to being supportive, his friends had been quite...protective after learning about his struggles. Especially the girls.
"Are ya feelin' hungry yet, Natsuki-kun?"
Hence the current situation.
Subaru glanced up at the girl from his vantage point on her lap.
"A little bit, but I can manage until the others get here. Also," he hesitated, knowing that his suggestion was most likely futile, "don't you think that maybe you shouldn't be giving me a lap pillow when they arrive, Ana-tan?"
Anastasia simply kept stroking his hair, "Remember what I told ya about askin' questions ya already know the answer to?"
"Not to bother because time is money?"
"Correct! Also," Anastasia grinned down at him, "breakin' out the 'Ana-tan' to try an' butter me up was a good move. You're a quick learner aren't ya?"
The young man gave her a small smile of his own, "Well, I have a good teacher."
The merchant's grin widened ever-so-slightly, and a light blush dusted her cheeks.
Her grip on his shoulder tightened, "Careful, Natsuki-kun, sayin' stuff like that will only make me wanna monopolize you even more."
Subaru turned away instead of responding and went back to admiring the view. The two of them were resting on a small hill just outside of the Royal Capital which gave them a spectacular view of the surrounding area. A checkered blanket rested under them, and a basket filled with food rested just a little way away.
The two of them were waiting for his four other admirers to arrive before they would eat, discuss the state of affairs in the kingdom, and collectively spend some time with Subaru before he was passed on to whoever's turn it was next.
After the initial high from the reunion wore off, a fight broke out between the royal candidates over what would happen to Subaru. Emilia and Rem insisted that he would stay with them and the remnant of their camp, a move which was supported by Crusch, who had struck a deal to absorb them into her camp after Roswaal's true nature was revealed. Anastasia and Priscilla responded by pointing to the half-elf and oni's incompetence and instability as some of the primary reasons for his suffering and dismissed Crusch on the grounds that she and her supporters were not nearly strong enough to reliably protect him. Then the candidates' not-so-subtle romantic interest in him was brought up, accusations were flung, and Reinhard barely prevented Felt from ordering him to abduct the boy to get him away from the quarreling women. In the end, it was only the presence of the Warden and over level heads that kept the situation from devolving into an actual fight.
After a lot of pleading from Subaru and mediation via the knights, a tenuous compromise was reached where everyone who was interested would get a chance to court the young knight after he had time to destress and get adjusted to his life free from Satella's curse of silence. He spent a few weeks living with the Felt camp until the frequent panic attacks leveled out, signaling the beginning of the courting period. As per the agreement, Subaru would stay with a different candidate every two weeks and would officially be neutral in the royal selection until he chose one of the admirers as his wife and the courting period ended.
As expected, being courted by five strong, determined, and affectionate women at once was an… interesting experience. He initially thought the whole process was pointless since he already held feelings for both Emilia and Rem; a combination of the two's overwhelming clinginess after the viewings and the genuine affection he received from his other admirers threw that assumption into doubt. He still loved the two, but he couldn't deny that the extent of their clinginess was a bit off-putting.
He also couldn't deny his own blossoming feelings for the others.
"I really am scum," he thought with a sigh.
A soft impact on his forehead snapped him out of his thoughts. He looked back up to see that Anastasia was looking down at him with a stern look in her eyes.
"I know that look. No self-deprecation when you're layin' on my lap, mister."
"Ana-"
"Up-bup-bup." She cut off his retort with a finger on his lips. "Don't 'Ana' me. Either you tell me what's on your mind or don't think it at all, because I guarantee that whatever bad things you're thinkin' about yourself are wrong."
Subaru huffed and turned away, prompting his pillow to resume stroking his hair.
"What," her voice regained its joking tone, "is it a thought about little ol' me that's eatin' at ya?"
Subaru slightly flinched at the question and immediately regretted it when he felt her tense up in response.
"Crap." He'd been hoping to put this off a little longer, but it looked like the cat was out of the bag. He could almost feel the fluffy merchant's gaze searing into the back of his head.
"Not exactly…" he muttered.
Anastasia clapped her hands together and smiled broadly.
"I knew you'd come around, Natsuki-kun!"
"Ana, it's… it's not only you I'm thinking about." He braced himself for her response but was surprised when her smile didn't waver.
"I still consider this progress. Now that those two aren't the only ones on your mind, I can work on makin' it so that I'm the only gal with that honor."
Subaru gaped at her for a few seconds before saying, "And what if I don't choose you?"
He immediately chided himself for his bluntness, but Anastasia didn't miss a beat.
"In the world of business, success is reliant on providing the best product. People who've been buyin' one thing for years will easily switch to somethin' else if a better option is available. You're a reasonable fella, so I'm sure you can recognize when a better deal comes your way. I'm confident I can show you that I'm the best deal in Luginica, both inside and out. And I'd say I'm doin' a pretty good job." She winked at him, "Don't think I haven't noticed those looks you've been sneakin'."
Now it was Subaru's turn to blush.
"I have no idea what you're talking about…" he grumbled.
Anastasia chuckled and patted his head, "Whatever you say~"
Subaru refused to look back up at her and focused on the road instead, keeping an eye out for the other arrivals. He was no match for Anastasia's wit, but he wouldn't have to constantly deal with her unique brand of flirtatious taunting for a little while once lunch ended.
"Not like you dislike it," his mind retorted.
Subaru barely fought down a sigh. This whole situation was so confusing. His entire world had been turned upside-down in such a short amount of time that he was still reeling from the shock of it all. He could barely process life free from Satella's curse of silence, much less his now even more confusing love life.
"I need to stop thinking about this and relax. If I get stressed, the girls will notice and get worried."
In truth, all the time spent with the candidates and their respective camps was just as therapeutic for them as it was for him. Watching his loops had scarred them deeply. Making sure he was safe and happy was primarily for his sake, but it was also to heal their own psychological wounds. As such, any pointless stress would only needlessly burden the ones he held most dearly.
Subaru employed some of the breathing techniques taught to him by Wilhelm to calm himself down. He focused only on what he could feel around him. He felt the warmth of the sun shining down on him, the cool breeze that blew its way over the hill and into the grassy fields below, the firmness of the ground beneath him, the texture of the blanket he laid on, the soft thighs and fluffy dress that rested underneath his head, ...the feeling of Anastasia gently combing her fingers through his hair, ...the… sound of her soft humming as she tended to him, ...the...the...
"It's quite rude of my future husband to be draped all over another woman when I deign to grace him with mine presence!"
Subaru's eyes snapped open at the sound of a familiar haughty voice. He looked up to see his favorite ruby-eyed princess scowling down at him.
Priscilla held two luxurious cushions under her arm instead of the baskets full of food that the other girls would bring. While the fiery woman had agreed to the terms of the courting agreement (if only to humor them, as she put it), she refused to "debase herself by catering food to a bunch of second-rate pretenders." Therefore, she would content herself with showing up and reminding them of how much better she was than them while extorting Subaru for foot rubs.
He flashed a meek smile.
"Good to see you, Priscilla-sama."
Priscilla silently regarded him and Anastasia for a tense moment before scoffing.
"Hmph, of course it is! Now that I'm here, you have no need to keep sullying yourself on that peasant's lap."
With that, Priscilla strutted over, hooked her free arm under his torso, and effortlessly hefted him up from his resting place and onto her shoulder. She then set down the two cushions she'd brought with her on the ground to the left of Anastasia, dropped the self-proclaimed knight down on the one closest to the purple-haired merchant, and daintily sat down on the cushion next to him. To finish off the transition, she slipped her shoes off and plopped her bare feet in the young man's lap.
"Massage them," she said with a smug grin, looking Anastasia directly in the eye as she did so.
Subaru ignored the grunt of dissatisfaction to his left and wisely kept his eyes on Priscilla as he did what he was told. Her gaze shifted to him and her expression shifted from one of smug triumph to the self-assured look she normally wore.
"Touching mine beautiful feet is an honor that few ever receive; you should be grateful I allow it after your shameful display earlier."
He couldn't help but crack a smile at her attitude. Far from being annoyed, he had actually come to find her mannerisms endearing.
He boldly looked her in the eyes and said, "It's always nice to spend time with you, Priscilla-chan."
Priscilla's smile was immediately replaced with a scowl nearly as deep as the one she'd been giving him earlier. After all the time he'd spent with her, only he was privy to the embarrassment concealed behind her enraged facade. He knew she secretly loved being addressed in such an intimate way and was merely flustered because he'd done so in front of someone else.
"Don't address me so casually; you aren't my husband yet!" she exclaimed, smacking him with her fan without enough force to actually hurt him.
Subaru merely smiled and went back to massaging her feet.
Priscilla's glare turning borderline murderous coincided with Anastasia laying her head down on his shoulder.
"Sorry that I'm gonna have to hand ya over to such a rotten lady. I'll be sure to give ya plenty of lap pillows next time to make up for it."
"I'll show you rotten, you-!"
"Girls," he interjected before either of them could continue their little spat. "Anastasia, don't try to rile up Priscilla. Priscilla, please don't worry about what she says. We have two entire weeks to hang out together after this."
"Aw, but she's so fun to tease!" Anastasia replied with a fake pout.
Priscilla glared at the merchant with gritted teeth for a few tense moments before scoffing, "A peasant like you isn't worth my attention anyway. I hope you enjoy your time with him, because you'll be alone like you deserve after he marries me."
"Funny, I was gonna say the same thing about you," Anastasia replied with a sweet smile.
Subaru inwardly sighed as the wills of the two women clashed. He loved them, but they could be quite a hassle sometimes. He was lucky that they were willing to tone things down for him; he doubted Lugunica would survive if his admirers went all-out in their advances.
Priscilla looked over to the base of the hill and grimaced, "It appears that the other pretenders have arrived."
"Speaking of beautiful women who can probably destroy the kingdom."
Subaru followed her gaze and saw a fancy carriage had come to a rest at the base of the hill, and that three familiar figures were making their way up the hill at various speeds.
"Subaru!"
"Subaru-kun!"
The two who had sprinted up the hill called out to him as they rapidly closed in on his location. Subaru smiled radiantly at his first and second loves, much to the annoyance of the merchant and Vollachian. Emilia and Rem shot annoyed glares at the two candidates that they returned in kind before reluctantly drawing back from him, comforting themselves with the thought that they would only have to tolerate their presence near Subaru for around an hour before they could get back to wooing him.
The half-elf and oni dropped their baskets, shot forward as quick as lightning, and wrapped him in a tight hug.
"Your Rem has been looking forward to seeing you again, my love," Rem whispered before burying her face into his neck and taking a deep breath of his comforting scent.
"It's good to see you again, Subaru. It's been sooooo long since we've been on a date," Emilia smiled up at him with an adoring glint in her amethyst eyes.
"I saw you both only two weeks ago," he chuckled, returning their hugs and comfortingly rubbing their backs.
The two pouted in tandem.
"Fourteen days is long, Subaru-kun. Not to mention that we had to deal with other women during our last date."
Said other women glared at the maid.
Emilia continued Rem's train of thought without hesitation, "Have they been treating you well? I know they can be a little mean sometimes, so just let us know if they give you any trouble."
"Excuse you?" Anastasia growled.
"It almost sounded like you said something, half-wit. Care to repeat yourself?" Priscilla barked.
"I wasn't talking to you," Emilia deadpanned.
Subaru could almost see the malice radiating off of his beautiful pursuers. If they weren't holding themselves back for his sake, he was sure both halves of the hill would be bathed in flames and ice respectively, Rem's Morningstar would make a return appearance, and Anastasia would slap the snot out of someone. He bit back yet another sigh and prepared to break things up before they got out of hand.
Luckily, the final member of their meeting intervened before he had to.
"Emilia-sama, Rem-san, please calm yourselves. We are all supposed to be allies, are we not?"
Crusch, having only just arrived due to walking up the hill instead of sprinting, surveyed the scene with a disarming smile.
"Let's cease the hostilities; after all, it would be a shame if this delicious food went to waste because of a petty squabble."
Emilia huffed in annoyance but didn't argue with the duchess. She planted a soft kiss on his cheek and nuzzled into his embrace for a moment before heading over to sit to the right of Anastasia.
Rem, however, tightened her grip and directed a challenging look towards Crusch.
"Hey Rem, why don't you get your food ready? I've been looking forward to your cooking all day!" Subaru said.
Rem's hostility immediately vanished, "Of course! Rem can't let her Subaru-kun go hungry!" Rem gave a quick kiss of her own to Subaru's other cheek before rushing over to her basket to prepare what she'd brought.
Crusch sent Subaru a grateful look as she went to set her basket down beside Rem. However, instead of sitting down, she took something out of the container and approached the young man.
"Good to see you, Crusch-tan."
"It's a pleasure to see you again too, Subaru-sama."
The green-haired noble fidgeted, a faint blush betraying the nervousness that her professional demeanor was supposed to hide.
"...I got your most recent letter yesterday."
When the courting process began, each of the girls tried to establish something unique that would make them stand out from the others while simultaneously drawing the young man closer. Emilia made it a point to do radio calisthenics with him every time he was around, Rem put her maid skills to use and acted the part of a doting housewife, Anastasia started buying him gifts, and Priscilla allowed him the honor of pampering her whenever she wished. In Crusch's case, she used the courtship as a chance to act on one of her longtime romantic fantasies and asked to start exchanging love letters with him. He accepted, and it soon became a cherished part of his daily life.
"Since we were meeting today, I thought that it would be practical if I delivered my response in person, so…"
Crusch held out what she'd pulled out of her basket: an envelope with his name elegantly written on the front.
"Here," she finished, averting her eyes from the object of her affection.
"I look forward to reading it," Subaru said softly as he took the envelope.
Crusch smiled radiantly, "I'm glad to hear that, Subaru-sama."
Emilia cleared her throat, "Subaru, are you ready to eat?"
The boy grinned, sending all the assembled women's hearts aflutter. "Yeah, I'm starving!"
"W-Well then, let's get started, shall we?" Crusch stuttered as she walked back over to her basket and opened it. The other ladies followed suit and laid out their food.
All in all, the group date lasted around an hour. They enjoyed a delicious lunch, the women preening under Subaru's praise for their choices; talked about current affairs in the kingdom; showered their (hopefully) future spouse with physical affection, ignoring the annoyed expressions of the others when they did; and listened attentively as Subaru told them about his week, pointedly ignoring Anastasia's smugness as he told them about how much fun he'd had under her care.
Alas, though the beautiful admirers would have loved to spend more time listening to Subaru talk, Priscilla's patience had run out.
"I believe we've humored these leeches long enough," Priscilla announced, cutting off Crusch right in the middle of her sentence. "Come now, you're finally free to give your attention to your true flame." Before anyone could utter a word of protest, the bombastic redhead had stood up, collected her cushions (yanking Subaru's out from under him), and pulled him to his feet while ignoring the hostile looks the others gave her.
Anastasia hid her displeasure well, smiling as if she was merely amused. "Ah well, I guess there's nothin' we can do if we don't want her royal highness to throw another temper tantrum."
The merchant rose to her feet and dusted herself off. "Thank ya for the wonderful time these past two weeks, ya really know how to treat a gal right."
She raised a hand to her lips and gave a faux shy smile, "And keep what we talked about earlier in mind. I know I will. See ya later, stud!"
With that, Anastasia blew him a kiss and strutted away with confidence in her stride and a bit of a sway in her hips.
An exaggerated sigh snapped Subaru out of his totally-not-staring at the merchant's retreating form.
"Loathe as I am to admit it, Anastasia-sama is correct," Crusch made little attempt to hide her displeasure. "I also have other matters to attend to if I wish to freely spend my allotted time with Subaru-sama." She turned to Subaru, "Write back soon, my dear," then gestured over her two companions, "Come along."
His first loves followed after their host, but not without saying goodbye to their hero.
"I'll see you soon, Subaru! I love you so much!"
"Take care of yourself and remember that Rem will come to rescue you if you ever need her!"
As soon as Emilia and Rem finished their farewells, Priscilla grabbed his hand and dragged him towards her waiting carriage.
"You are going to tell me what it was that Hoshin brat said she'd keep in mind," she demanded, her eyes boring into his.
Subaru, not for the last time, sighed. Priscilla knowing he had developed feelings for her, Anastasia, and Crusch would likely have little short-term effect other than convince her that it was only a matter of time until the world delivered the two of them to the altar. But in the long-term, the three being in the know (he'd committed to telling Crusch about his feelings in his next letter after he spilled the beans earlier) would mean two things: that he could no longer run away from the gordian knot that his love life had become and that the ladies would intensify their efforts going forward. In short, he foresaw life getting a lot more stressful in the near future.
"Beats getting murdered on repeat." Subaru decided he agreed.
And with that thought, he continued walking hand-in-hand with the self-proclaimed goddess, knowing that lots of foot and shoulder rubs were in his future.