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“Shouldn’t you be busy preparing for the entrance exams?” Despite the exasperation that drips out of his tone like a flood, he doesn’t actually slam his foot on the accelerator, no matter how much he wants to. “Are high school seniors supposed to be this free?”
“Ah, Chuuya acting like a nagging mother is kind of disgusting.” With no respect whatsoever, Dazai starts rummaging through the glove compartment. A tiny exclamation of cheer when he finds a new snack, disregarding the ‘with added vitamins!’ on its label.
“Urgh, you’re the disgusting one.” He reaches over to ensure that the door is locked, helps the bandaged bastard fasten his seatbelt. If it’s way tighter than it should be, that’s just too bad. One time too many, this nuisance has tried giving him a heart attack by suddenly opening the car door and then dangling off the car while he’s driving through a highway. “Even if I could, I would never give birth to such a shitty mackerel like you.”
“Mm, it truly is impossible. How could someone with my height have such a slug for a mother?”
It’s a conversation fit to be between a pair of preschoolers. Instead, Chuuya’s the Boss of the city’s biggest mafia organization. Dazai’s a fox… pretending to be a high school senior with grades inversely proportional to his level of decency, taste in fashion and common sense combined.
It really is no-good dealing with this guy. “Ah, shut your fucking mouth already.” He starts the car, drives them back to the headquarters.
“Mm, that’s how it is, huh?” Dazai continues to munch his snacks, occasionally reaching out to wipe the crumbs on his fingers against his lips, distracting from following the proper traffic signs. “Just because I swiped the contents of your Le Pin with vinegar, you don’t treat me as your darling anymore…”
“I’ve never considered you as such to begin with,” he follows up this snide remark with a bite on the other’s fingertips. “Also, what the fuck did you do with my wine?! It just arrived earlier today!”
As part of his desire to masquerade as a human being—including going to school and ‘staying’ in the dorms—this stinky fox shouldn’t have been anywhere near the headquarters, and therefore his wine collection, today.
A puff of laughter. “Are you underestimating my capabilities, tiny human?”
He raises an eyebrow. “Humans don’t exactly teleport or cross space-time barrier, shitty fox. Does this mean that you’re admitting to losing our bet?”
One amongst their many bets: whether Dazai could successfully masquerade as a human being for an entire year, without having to use his kitsune magic even once. Like many of their bets, this is mostly the fox’s idea to begin with.
This one in particular has stemmed from Chuuya’s response to the kitsune climbing his bed and kissing him breathless. “I’m not particularly interested in sleeping with a fox who’d use his magic on me just so I’d think he’s good in bed,” is what he had said, an obvious goading.
Despite his supposed years and wisdom, Dazai is really childish in many aspects. Of course, he’s annoyed into betting that he can survive without using his powers on anything.
“Fufufu, you’re underestimating my skills in hacking into the headquarters’ security, as well as programming a robot that could do my bidding!” If his tails and ears are visible now, they’d be swaying in glee, as if to invite a hand to pet him for his hard work.
Chuuya obliges him by pinching his human ears. “High school seniors should be studying hard for entrance exams, not wasting time on such nonsense!”
“Ehhhhhh, but lessons are too boring! Humans are too stupid! Exams are too easy! Chuuya’s too short!” He rolls all over his seat, eyes welling up with fake-tears, sounding like an unholy marriage between a fire engine siren and an infant that has just completely shit itself.
For that completely unnecessary jab to his height tacked in, he pinches his ears harder. “You’re the one who proposed this bet, remember? I’m fine with you losing, by the way.”
“No way! I’m not going to lose to a tiny slug!” He puffs up his cheeks, before using his face to knock on Chuuya’s ribcage, burrowing straight into his heart. Regardless of the fact that more of this and Chuuya would end up driving them straight against a building, since Dazai’s stupidly fluffy head is blocking his hold of the steering wheel.
…Of course, Chuuya could also stop petting the other’s head so he can have both hands on the wheel, but what’s the point of doing that?
“Then I guess that means that you have to study the moment we reach.”
“Stingy! Shorty! Meanie! Chibi!”
“Stop dragging my height into this!”
They continue bickering until Chuuya’s parking the car in his reserved spot. The moment they step out of the car, a serious mantle is cloaked over them. Their footsteps synchronize in tick-tocking doomsday clocks against the ears of those working in the headquarters.
It’s not his style to be a stiff-shouldered Boss, preferring to be warmer with his subordinates. But he’s now shouldering the lives of everyone here, so he maintains a stern façade. He can’t show cracks or weaknesses, especially since not everyone is in favor of him ascending as the Boss. Port Mafia hasn’t solidified its grasp over the power in the underground, and there’s even those other groups encroaching into their territory…
“…A frowning slug looks disgusting,” Dazai says without respect whatsoever, the moment they reach the topmost office. “You’re obviously not used to exercising your tiny brain, so why even bother?”
He rolls his eyes. “You’ve clearly failed to learn anything about human decency while you’re in school.”
“What’s the point of decency in the face of seeing my darling look so depressed?”
A kitsune lives and breathes in manipulation, which is why he’s so stunned to hear something so straightforward and earnest coming from the other’s mouth. Of course, Dazai is 99% Annoying Bastard and 1% Even More Annoying Bastard, so this touching sentiment is swiftly followed by something irritating.
“If you’re going to be saddened, it should be because of my doing.” A dark declaration. He’s not using his kitsune powers, but it feels as if his eyes are glowing red, his nine tails spread out like shadows blocking all light, leaving only the invitation of the abyss. Much like their first meeting, really. “Everything of Chuuya’s belongs to me, and I’m the only one who’s allowed to make you feel things.”
A futile endeavor, a senseless jealousy.
“Congratulations, I’m feeling dismayed by your lack of proper work ethics when it comes to being a good student.”
“Mm, you’ll need to try harder to distract me.” Dazai pulls him across his office, then shoves him towards his chair. Seats himself atop his lap, hands on both sides of his face. “I can skip school and help you out here, you know?”
“You just want to skip school,” he points out.
A shrug. “Well, it’s rather boring to spend time far away from my dog.”
“May I remind you that you’re the one who’s the dog here?”
“I think you need to attend school too, if you’re silly enough to think that a fox and a dog are the same.” It’s not convincing at all, since he gets distracted enough to start nibbling on Chuuya’s jaw, like a dog gnawing on his favorite bone.
Chuuya sighs, but tilts his neck to the side anyway. His arms are wrapped around the other’s waist, hands rubbing the other’s tailbone even if the nine tails aren’t around. “I’m not cancelling our bet and letting you out of it, idiot.”
“Chuuya’s plans are too simple and easy to read.” It doesn’t sound like a complaint, especially since Dazai is hugging him tighter. “I’m a powerful kitsune, I don’t need protecting.”
The main reason for him goading Dazai to take that bet—
Not only is his position as the Boss rather tenuous still, there are also several groups that are encroaching into Yokohama. Underground hunters that specialize in capturing supernatural entities and selling them as exotic pets to the highest bidder.
There’s no telling if someone would harm Dazai, whether because they think that he’s the chink in Chuuya’s armor, or because they somehow realize that he’s a kitsune with a high bounty over his head. Lessening the amount of time they’re seen together and preventing him using his powers as much as possible—it’s the best way to deal with things for the moment.
He shakes his head. It’s one thing to think of those things. It’s another thing entirely to admit it aloud to the bastard who doesn’t need any assistance in being smug. “You’re an idiot who thought it’d be fun to disguise as a high school senior instead of adopting a more reasonable identity.”
Dazai kisses him, as if to say that he has read his mind anyway, no need to admit things out loud.
During their first meeting, it’s him in the aftermath of the worst mission he’s ever done in his entire life. Encountering a research facility that aims to fuse humans with supernatural entities, in hopes of inducing magical abilities in them. His entire squad has been wiped out, a massive explosion that has eaten up earth and left a scorched crater licked by black flames.
And in the middle of it all, a kitsune with dead eyes and nine black tails.
“I don’t care for this world,” Dazai had said back then. “Human, if you can’t give me a reason to stop, I will destroy this entire city.”
—He kisses Dazai back, just like always.
Even when he says irritating things such as, “Oh? It’s because I’ve thought of plenty of roleplays we could do all over the school. There’s a lot of nice, secluded corners! I’ve already ordered several uniforms with short skirts for you, fufufu.”
He sighs, long-suffering.
Just like back then, his response is—
“Shut the fuck up, you bastard, I’m going to punch you, oi.”
And just like before, Dazai’s eyes sparkle at him, reading things deeper than his words. “Ah, Chuuya, you shouldn’t worry anymore, I’ll make sure that we’ll get to do all those roleplays I’ve planned.”
An unspoken, so there’s no way that they’d capture me and prevent me from being a massive pervert.
Another sigh, but he doesn’t actually throw the stupid fox out of his office. Like always, it’s his version of an unspoken acquiescence.
-
end
(shortly after, dazai ends up willingly losing the bet, because it really is too boring to spend another whole day not being by chuuya's side.)