Work Text:
1.
After dating for two years, Eijirou finally admitted something to Katsuki.
“Babe. Babe. Katsuki,” Eijirou said, shaking Katsuki awake.
“Huh? What? The fuck you waking me up at one a.m. for?” Katsuki groaned. “Go back to sleep.”
“I hate my job, babe,” Eijirou said.
“Shut up,” Katsuki groaned, attempting to roll over but Eijirou pinned him down. Katsuki glared and flipped back over to face Eijirou when he realized the redhead wasn’t going to let him sleep anymore.
“So whatcha gonna do about it?” Katsuki grunted.
“I don’t know,” Eijirou said.
“Then quit,” Katsuki said.
“And do what?” Eijirou asked.
“I don’t fucking know. Whatever you fucking want. Quit. Don’t work as a bodyguard anymore,” Katsuki grunted. Eijirou winced. That was the lie he told Katsuki when they had met and he’d never really cleared up that he was Red Riot, the yakuza boss, one of the biggest, high profile names in Musutafu. “Start your own business. Be a shitty housewife. Go back to fucking school—”
“Housewife?” Eijirou asked. “You mean I could stay at home and take care of the housework and you’d come home to me?” Leaving Katsuki was always the worst part of Eijirou’s day. Because he was a yakuza boss, Eijirou worked weird hours and sometimes he couldn’t see Katsuki for days. He had become part of the yakuza when he was too young to know any better and now… now all he wanted was Katsuki.
Katsuki mumbled something unintelligible that was probably “Go to sleep or I’ll fucking kill you” but Eijirou got more and more excited. The next day, he stopped by Katsuki’s parents house to ask for permission to marry their son. Afterwards, he went out and bought a simple silver ring for Katsuki.
That night, Katsuki made dinner, a full course meal consisting of all of Eijirou’s favorite foods—steak, meat skewers that had chicken, pork, and beef with no vegetables, Mongolian beef. Eijirou decided then that he couldn’t go another day without being married to Katsuki. Katsuki had been too sleepy to remember their conversation from last night and was delightfully surprised when Eijirou got down on one knee that night. By delightfully surprised, Eijirou meant cursing, bright red, and foul mouthed.
“Babe, you make me the happiest I’ve ever been. I love you more than anything. I know I should have planned out a proposal like you deserve but I can’t wait another day to call you my husband. Will you marry me?” Eijirou asked. Katsuki stared at him, his face turning several alarming shades of red.
“Mother fucker!” Katsuki shouted. “You couldn’t just wait till later? You didn’t even think about this, did you, you insensitive fuck?!” Eijirou was confused, worried that he had done something wrong when Katsuki stormed back into the kitchen and brought out a cake with a single candle on it and a matching silver ring resting on it.
“You were gonna propose to me,” Eijirou said dumbly.
“I made three different kinds of meat plates, Eijirou! Three! Do you see a fucking vegetable in sight? And I didn’t even hide the fucking ring in the fucking cake cause you’d probably swallow it and not notice—” Katsuki ranted. Eijirou cupped Katsuki’s face and kissed him senseless.
“Yes,” he grinned breathlessly. “Yes.”
“Fucking better, asshole. Stealing my proposal,” Katsuki huffed. Eijirou grinned and began peppering kisses all over Katsuki’s face.
“I’m sorry,” Eijirou apologized. “Babe?”
“What?”
“I want to be a househusband,” Eijirou said.
“Fucking do whatever the hell you want as long as you marry me,” Katsuki hummed, wrapping his arms around Eijirou’s waist.
They were married one month later and Eijirou became a house husband.
2.
“Babe? Eijirou called. “Is this your shirt?” He walked out in a short white shirt that was more like a crop top than a shirt.
“The fuck?” Katsuki said but he was laughing at how ridiculous Eijirou looked. “That’s way too small.”
“I wonder who it belongs to,” Eijirou said. “Can you help me take it off?” Katsuki smirked and was on his husband in a second, kissing the life out of him. Eijirou was flustered for all of two seconds before he started kissing Katsuki back, pressing his husband against the wall. Katsuki was all too happy to help Eijirou pull his tiny shirt off.
They soon discovered that Eijirou had shrunk the laundry.
3.
Although Katsuki denied it, Izuku Midoriya was his best friend. They had an odd relationship but Izuku probably knew Katsuki better than most people. Eijirou actually hadn’t gotten to meet Midoriya until one month after they got married. Katsuki never let the two meet, stating that it would bring about the apocalypse. Frankly, Eijirou had never really tried to meet Katsuki’s friends because most of them were cops and Eijirou was a yakuza. Not only was he a yakuza, but he was the head of the yakuza. His identity was hidden deep underground and very few law enforcement could say they knew who he was. Even though there was speculation that Eijirou Kirishima was the legendary Red Riot, they couldn’t actually pin anything on him, which helped him retire.
Now retired, Eijirou had forced the meeting between himself and Katsuki’s oldest friend when he had brought Katsuki lunch to the police station he worked at. Katsuki had tried to shove Eijirou out as quickly as possible but not before Katsuki had cheerfully introduced himself to a startled Midoriya.
“I’m Eijirou Kirishima, Katsuki’s husband!” Eijirou said. Midoriya looked like a fish out of water as he stared at Eijirou.
“Kacchan’s so mean! I didn’t even know you two had gotten married!” Midoriya whined.
“It’s none of your damned business, nerd!” Katsuki snapped. Eijirou grinned and wrapped his arms around Katsuki’s waist to keep his angry pomeranian husband from killing Midoriya.
“Come over whenever you want, Midoriya,” Eijirou said, ignoring Katsuki’s cries of “don’t invite that asshole over!” Midoriya gave Eijirou and Katsuki a lovely set of knives as their newlywed present.
(“Fucking late, dipshit!”
“You didn’t even tell me you got married, Kacchan!”)
4.
Eijirou knew if Katsuki was super stressed at work when Midoriya’s name popped up. He still hadn’t taken Eijirou up on his offer to stop by for a visit. Eijirou wasn’t too worried. He didn’t want to pressure Katsuki’s friends into liking him. Today he was pleasantly surprised when Midoriya stopped by for a visit on his day off.
“Midoriya!” Eijirou grinned. “Are you here for Katsuki? He’s at work today.”
“I’m here to see you, actually,” Midoriya said. “Can I come in?”
“Yes, of course! Let me get you some tea and cookies,” Eijirou said, ignoring Midoriya telling him that was okay. Eijirou started the tea and brought out a plate of cookies.
“So what brings you here?” Eijirou asked.
“You know I’m Kacchan’s best friend. Well, he wouldn’t really call us friends, but I think of him as my friend. We’ve known each other a really long time and I can tell that you’ve made him happier than I’ve ever seen him—” Midoriya rambled. Ah. That’s why Katsuki got mad.
“Midoriya,” Eijirou interrupted. “Are you going somewhere with this?” He was used to interrupting people who were so nervous they rambled in front of him.
“Have you heard of Red Riot?” Midoriya asked, eyes becoming uncharacteristically sharp.
“What if I have?” The grin slid off Eijirou’s face and they stared at each other, both of them unmoving. So that’s why Midoriya had been gaping at him when he first walked into the police station, not because he was finding out that Katsuki was married.
The sound of the tea kettle screaming jolted both men out of their staring contest.
“The tea!” Eijirou said, scrambling to get up. “Midoriya, how do you take your tea? Milk, sugar?”
“Plain, thank you!” Midoriya said. “Do you want some help?”
“That’s okay, I’ve got it!” Eijirou said, bringing two cups back. “Now, where were we?” Midoriya turned red. “Right, Red Riot. You know, I hear he fell in love and retired.”
“He…” Midoriya blinked.
“Yeah, he became a house husband, of all things,” Eijirou grinned, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Kind of ridiculous, huh?”
“No, no I don’t think it is ridiculous,” Midoriya said. “I think that’s wonderful, if he’s serious about his partner.”
“He’s serious. He’s never been more serious about anything in his life. It would be super unmanly not to be,” Eijirou said. “Ka—His significant other means everything to him.” The two shared a meaningful look and Midoriya nodded.
“I obviously don’t have any solid evidence against Red Riot but I can safely say that as long as he doesn’t go back down that path and he takes care of his significant other, we’ll have no problems,” Midoriya said.
“No, we won’t,” Eijirou said. Midoriya sighed and began fanning himself with his hands.
“Sorry, Kirishima. I just had to be sure! It’s not often I get to do the shovel talk for Kacchan. He usually does it for me and ends up scaring my partners away! Want to look at Kacchan’s baby pictures?” Midoriya grinned, taking a large photo album out of the bag he had brought with him.
“Midoriya, forget Kacchan. You’re now my best friend,” Eijirou said reverently as he took the photo album.
Midoriya let him keep one of Katsuki where he was running around in only a diaper and a red blanket wrapped around his shoulders, pretending to be All Might.
“THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN HERE, DEKU?!”
“Katsuki, you were such a cute baby!” Eijirou grinned.
“Course I fucking was,” Katsuki snorted. “What’s for dinner?” Eijirou’s face went blank.
“Uhh…”
“Fine, I’ll fucking cook. Leave, shitty Deku,” Katsuki grunted.
“I’m sorry, babe. We were talking and we lost track of time. Let me help. Midoriya, you can stay for dinner,” Eijirou said, rushing up to help his husband.
“No, he fucking cannot!” Katsuki glared.
“Eijirou, did Kacchan ever tell you about when we were four, he wouldn’t wear anything other than this one All Might shirt and it smelled because he refused to change—”
“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!”
5.
“Eijirou!” Katsuki shouted.
“Yeah, babe?” Eijirou grinned at his husband.
“Why are all my whites pink, fucker?!”
“Uhh…” Eijirou said. He had been wondering why he was missing a single red sock. “Because you look great in pink, babe?”
“THAT’S NOT THE POINT SHITTY HAIR!”
Eijirou thought it would be best to point out that at least he hadn’t shrunk the laundry... this time.
6.
“Babe, meet me at the stall with the jam, okay?” Eijirou said while they were at the farmer’s market, pecking his husband’s cheek. “I wanna check something out.” Katsuki grunted his acknowledgement and moved onto the next stall as Eijirou walked in the opposite direction.
Eijirou walked up to the stall he’d been eyeing. The man was selling beautiful vegetables, but they were definitely overpriced. Eijirou didn’t like bartering with Katsuki around because his husband would just grunt to pay the full price or walk away and find something cheaper. However, Eijirou had spent lots of time observing the prices at farmer’s markets and groceries stores.
“Look, my man. I know when I’m being overcharged,” Eijirou placed his hand on the table, harder than he meant to. The man jumped and looked at Eijirou with wide, startled eyes. Eijirou flashes a grin at him, hoping to calm the man down. “So let’s say we work out a deal, hmm?”
Soon, Eijirou was walking happily back to Katsuki with an armful of groceries. He was definitely going to visit that vendor more often! Such a reasonable man.
“How much did you buy?” Katsuki frowned when he saw how many bags Eijirou walked up to him with.
“I talked him down to half his asking price, babe! He almost gave them to me for free but I couldn't just take all of this for free! He has a business to run after all! We can drop some off for your parents. Oh, and I bet Midoriya and Todoroki—”
“We’re not taking those extras anything! They can buy their own damned food!”
7.
Most days, Katsuki came home irritated about something. The people he worked with were incompetent. Katsuki’s rival (childhood friend) was stupid. Katsuki had more than a few choice things to say about them.
“How do you mess up bagging evidence correctly?! It ruins everything! Now, it can’t be used against the asshole in a trial and—” Eijirou knew when to let his husband rant. It was so very cute, the way Katsuki got riled up.
“Want me to have them taken out for you, babe?” Eijirou asked seriously. He might have left his yakuza days behind him, but if it was bothering Katsuki enough, Eijirou had no problem calling in a favor. He had more than enough friends who could take out the stain bothering Katsuki. No questions asked.
Katsuki just huffed. “Sometimes I can’t tell if you’re joking.” Eijirou just gave him a cheeky grin and sighed happily as Katsuki kissed him.
8.
Eijirou isn’t a snitch. Even though his husband is a detective, Eijirou stays out of his husband’s side of things. However, that doesn’t mean Eijirou doesn’t help him out now and then if it means helping some of his old buddies.
“That doesn’t seem like Real Steel’s style,” he tells Katsuki one day when they hear that Real Steel is being accused of the recent string of murders. “Always thought he seemed like an old fashioned kind of guy who just beat up someone he didn’t like.”
Katsuki’s learned not to press when Eijirou gives him little hints like that. There’s just a nod and kiss on the cheek. They’re past the point of Katsuki yelling at him that he should come forward with whatever information he knows.
Eijirou knows Katsuki’s smart enough to figure out who’s behind the murders. He’s proven right when his husband appears on television for arresting Moonfish. Eijirou smiles and decides he’s taking Katsuki out for dinner at his favorite restaurant tonight.
His husband is such a smart cookie.
9.
While Eijirou was waiting for Katsuki to get home, he got bored sometimes. He decided to start doing DIY projects.
His first project was to make a desk for Katsuki. His husband mostly worked at their dining room table and Eijirou was sure his back hurt from not being able to sit properly at a desk. Eijirou was pretty proud of his work when he finished...until he discovered that the desk was uneven. Eijirou angrily kicked the desk over and resignedly went to start dinner. Katsuki had shown him how not to burn things. He wasn’t anywhere near Katsuki’s level, but he could now serve a decent meal.
“I’m home,” Katsuki announced as he threw his bag and jacket down carelessly. “Eijirou?” He was confused when his husband didn’t rush to greet him at the door. He took his shoes off and walked into the kitchen, finding Eijirou lost in thought.
“Oi. Oi. OI!” Katsuki yelled when Eijirou didn’t notice him. Eijirou yelped and accidentally spilled some of the miso soup he was stirring.
“Welcome home, Katsuki,” Eijirou smiled halfheartedly.
“What’s wrong with you?” Katsuki frowned. “You’re not acting dopey like normal.” He squished Eijirou’s cheeks.
“I tried to make you something but I ruined it. Like I ruin everything,” Eijirou groaned. Bakugou frowned and squeezed Eijirou’s cheeks tighter, making him yelp in pain.
“Get that load of crap out of your mind. It’s not true, Eiji,” Bakugou growled. “I don’t ever want to hear you say that shit again, you got it?”
“But I shrink the laundry and turn the whites pink. I forget to start dinner half the time and when I do remember I burn it. I can’t even make you a stupid desk—” Eijirou said.
“You made me a desk?” Katsuki blinked.
“Tried to make you a desk,” Eijirou mumbled.
“Show me,” Katsuki said.
“But babe—” Eijirou said but Katsuki was already walking towards the backyard. Eijirou groaned and chased after his husband. Katsuki was already standing the desk up from where Eijirou had kicked it over. He shook and kicked it a bit to test the sturdiness and Eijirou was sure his husband would hate it.
“See, it’s terrible,” Eijirou said.
“Help me lift it up,” Katsuki ordered.
“What?” Eijirou blinked.
“Come on, shitty hair. Help me lift it,” Katsuki grunted. Eijirou grabbed the other side, confused. He was strong enough to lift it himself but he didn’t dare tell that to Katsuki and risk the blonde yelling at him.
“Put it there,” Katsuki gestured with his head. The desk sadly stood lopsided. Katsuki was looking at the bookshelf.
“Babe, you don’t have to make me feel better,” Eijirou said. “I know it sucks.” Katsui pulled a sizable textbook from his college days and slipped it under the desk leg. Eijirou was surprised when the textbook leveled the desk out. Katsuki held his arms out and Eijirou melted into them.
“You don’t have to pretend you like it,” Eijirou said.
“Shut up. My husband made it for me,” Katsuki said.
“You always say that if it’s not perfect—”
“That shit’s sturdy as fuck, Eijirou. I can kick it around all I want,” Katsuki said. “In the meantime, you can make me another one by the time I break this one.” Eijirou smiled. Katsuki had broken several tables because of his anger issues.
“The next one I make will be level,” Eijirou promised. “I love you.”
“Yeah, yeah, love you too. Did you turn off the burners?” Katsuki asked.
“Shit!”
10.
Because of his yakuza background, Eijirou had amazing knife skills. When they first started dating, the oh-so-difficult-to-impress Katsuki had been impressed with Eijirou’s ability to evenly cut vegetables quickly and efficiently. However, that feeling quickly dissipated when he realized that Eijirou’s knife skills were the extent of his culinary skills.
See, Eijirou wasn’t a patient person. He got bored easily and Katsuki often compared him to a dog who noticed a squirrel. Eijirou wanted things done quickly and wanted to move onto the next activity as soon as possible, especially the mundane things.
...It was also the reason why he ruined dinner so often.
When Katsuki went to work on Monday, he came home to find dinner burned because Eijirou had begun cleaning and forgotten that he was cooking. Katsuki had thrown away the burnt meat and had somehow made a gourmet meal out of leftovers from the weekend.
When Katsuki went to work on Tuesday, he came home to find that Eijirou hadn’t burnt dinner… he had just forgotten to start the rice cooker… and dinner.
When Katsuki came home on Wednesday, he found that Eijirou had invited Denki over and that thing one and thing two’s collective brain cell had managed to make something resembling fried rice. Bits of the rice were burnt and the seasoning wasn’t great, but it was dinner.
When Katsuki came home on Thursday, he found that Eijirou had made spicy ramen. Except Eijirou had somehow made it too spicy for even Katsuki to eat (not to mention the broth was flavorless except the spices and the noodles weren’t cooked all the way through). Katsuki had appreciated that Eijirou had made a level of spice even he couldn't handle however, so Eijirou counted that as a win.
When Katsuki came home on Friday, he brought home takeout from Eijirou’s favorite restaurant. Eijirou loved his husband to death.