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The damp air gave her a sense of peace, yet chilling her despite her layer of gear and clothes. Perhaps it was because it was the middle of march. Perhaps because the cool air was mixed with the stench of organs. Perhaps it was because her captain, the one she loved, was laying on the grass in front of her with a sword going straight through his body, pinning him to the ground.
The breaths she was taking were short and she could feel her eyebrows strain and her lips pull back. Levi. Levi was dead. She loved Levi. He was dead. How could he be dead? He was the strongest out of all of them. Why was he dead? This isn’t fair. Why him? Why? He needs to come back. Come back. Levi. The titan that had done this was long gone, yet she still felt empty.
They had never gotten to do all the things she fantasized about. Her making him smile, him feeling familiar enough to be able to tell her all his secrets, hell, she even thought about the sex they would have.
Would have. That’s the way it would stay. A fantasy that would never come true. Even then, somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew if Levi was alive none of them would come true. He has absolutely no interest in anyone becoming anything more than a colleague.
People have tried, confident in their abilities to charm him and become someone like Erwin to him. More ambitious people have acted like a pet to him, doing things anyone with an ounce of pride would never do. Women have pushed their elbows together and tightened their corsets to the max if they had the slightest chance of interaction with him.
Yet, with all this going on she thought she was special. Truthfully all the ones before her did but they were all the same. They were drawn to a man who would never belong to someone. Each of them felt like they were the one for him. Some were like Levi, others completely the opposite from him. It didn’t matter though. They all had the same dreams as her, to belong to someone who could never own.
Most of this was influenced by misinterpretation of his personality. Levi was by no means social, he would never make a move on anyone. Even if the roles were reversed he would never accept anything. Levi would not hug you in public, Levi would not kiss you in public, Levi would not make his relationship public. Levi is much more than being reserved, strong, and hot. When people figure these facts out they feel like they were meant for each other. They’re not.
Despite all this, she didn’t care. She could imagine themselves together so why couldn’t this happen in real life? Dream Levi seemed to love her and she had based everything on real things he did. She also made sure he never acted, unlike the real Levi. So why?
Because despite how much she paid attention to him and noted his personality, it was still a dream.
And now, standing over his corpse, she fully understood that.