Work Text:
Sirius Black's diary entry.
March, 1978.
Sometimes I think I'm going mad. Perhaps I am more like my parents than I would like to believe. They do say nothing good comes from incest. How unfortunate.
Sometimes (and it even feels silly to write this down) I look into Moony's eyes and I feel scared. Now don't get me wrong. He's gorgeous, but --
I'm getting off track.
This isn't a case of being scared-horny. No, it's the way he looks at James, Pete and I when he thinks we aren't aware ... that's what scares me. I've seen it only once. James and Peter were playing exploding snap in the common room one day. Remus and I were sat on the sofa watching them. It was late so we were the last up. James and Peter were laughing as the deck of cards exploded in James' face. I grinned and happened to glance over at Remus to see his reaction. But his eyes were almost black. There was a dark look in his gaze. It reminded me of looking into the Black Lake and seeing the face of one of the Merfolk staring back at you. A monstrous creature waiting to drag you into the depths.
"Merlin, Remus," I said, nudging him. "No need to look like that. You can play the winner."
I was half shocked by the look in his eyes and half terrified. But I just wanted to diffuse any tension.
James and Peter both looked up a second too late. Remus had blinked and his expression smoothed out. The darkness in those amber eyes receding ... for now.
"Sorry. I was just daydreaming," He flashed a carefree grin in my direction.
I resisted the urge to shudder.
"Daydreaming about murder?" The question passed my lips before I could stop it.
Remus only laughed as if I had told the worlds funniest joke. "Perhaps."
I hadn't meant it as a joke. Remus had the look of murder in his eyes that night, no matter how hard he tried to disguise it. I recognised it well enough from growing up among the Black family.