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It had been a few days since their trip to the Hinterlands, and the memory of their time lingered in Cullen’s mind. Aurelie had accepted his gift, had reaffirmed her feelings for him. On that lake, their discussions revolved around their relationship, and not the Inquisition. Their outing had been too brief for his liking- all he wanted was to spend more time with her, but understood the war effort came first.
They had been busy ever since they returned, the plans for the attack on Adamant Fortress becoming top priority. Their meetings had become brief, and professional. Aurelie's strong and focused demeanor only softened when he was the last to leave the war room, giving them a few moments alone. Aurelie would say goodnight, the whispers of a smile lingering on her lips, almost enticing him to follow her. He wanted to, but respected her space- it had been a few demanding months, with many more to come.
On the eve of their departure, Cullen found himself hunched over his desk, reading over every detail of the operation. He knew he needed to rest, call it an early night, but sleep eluded him. After Aurelie had admitted her doubts to him, he wasn’t about to let her down. She was frightened of what might happen, what other difficult decisions she had ahead of her. It had Cullen wanting to ensure the siege on Adamant would be a success. The Inquisitor, Aurelie, deserved no less.
It had been Garrett Hawke’s idea to offer the Inquisition something else before they left; a party at the Herald’s Rest. He was supposed to scout ahead with the Warden Stroud, but instead lingered in Skyhold. Hawke had been talking to the advisors, to Aurelie and her companions. He spoke on how it was important to boost morale before the “big mission”, and have a little bit of fun before facing certain death. It was when Varric called Hawke out on his grandstanding bullshit that the rogue relented. The event then became a party for him- one last hurrah, courtesy of the Inquisition coffers.
Cullen was against the idea at the time, but the more he stared at the maps, the more he felt the familiar pulsing of nerves at the base of his skull. With a headache building, it became harder for him to focus on his work, and the lure of relaxation began to pull at him. Perhaps Hawke was onto something. He hesitated for a long time, wondering if it was even acceptable for him to intrude in such festivities. It was only when he wondered if by chance Aurelie would be there that he stood, and started towards the tavern.
His arrival was a few hours after the official start of celebrations. The tavern was full and crowded as he entered, a few soldiers at the entrance double glancing to recognize their commander. He understood their surprise; he was out of his typical armor and instead dressed in his light tunic and coat. Cullen glanced about the crowded establishment, trying to spot if Aurelie was even there.
Suddenly, he heard her familiar laugh ring out above the noise of singing and drinking. He found her in the crowd immediately. Her head was thrown back in laughter as she danced with Hawke, their bodies turning as they linked arms to skip about. Cullen was amazed to see her so relaxed and joyous, two emotions he didn’t expect from her the night before their march. Aurelie was also out of her usual attire, wearing a simple but flattering dark blue dress instead. One of her hands gripped the skirt of the dress as she danced, and Cullen had to admire the movement. The garment suited her frame in a wonderful way.
As he continued to watch from the ring of spectators, Hawke pulled Aurelie closer, leaning into her ear to say something. Cullen felt a pang of what he could only guess was jealousy, it disappearing when he saw Aurelie turning around to spot him. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise, lips widening into a bright smile. Hawke pushed at her back and Cullen became anxious as she strode towards him, her eyes alight with excitement. Her hands grabbed at his as she tried to pull him into a dance. His feet were hesitant to move with him at first, not recognizing the song Maryden sang, unsure of the right steps to take.
Aurelie’s eager expression soon had him swept up in her movements. He held a firm hand to her waist and held her other hand away from them as they began to dance. He tried to ignore the way a few soldiers and pilgrims hollered at them in encouragement. Cullen knew he wasn’t the greatest dance partner, if the Winter Palace was any proof. But Aurelie didn’t seem to mind, offering a chuckle instead of a frown when he almost stepped on her toes. She kept her hand on his shoulder as they moved, and when a few of her fingers trailed up the back of his neck, he pulled her closer.
When one song ended and another began, Aurelie pulled them away from the crowd, winded as she continued to laugh. She leaned back against a pillar by the bar, and he watched her catch her breath, still taken aback by happy she seemed. He was still holding onto one of her hands and smiled, savoring the warmth of her skin on his. Finally her eyes snapped up to his, and her smile turned bashful under his gaze.
“Commander, ” she was teasing him with a fake formality. It was something that dated back to when they started their relationship. Back when they still believed they could hide it from the ranks of the Inquisition. Now, it had become somewhat of a joke after they realized privacy wasn’t going to work, considering who they were. Their union was a favorite topic of gossip amongst the troops, no matter how much Cullen disapproved. With a smirk, he rested his other hand on the small of her back.
“Inquisitor,” he replied, offering the same level of façade. They locked eyes again, and Cullen already found himself leaning down to close the distance between them. The moment was interrupted then, a body coming up beside them. Arms wrapped around each of their shoulders, separating them.
“My favorite couple,” Hawke announced, and regarded them both with drunken amusement. Cullen felt his expression flatten, now annoyed by the disruption.
“You can’t keep your hands off each other,” he continued. To think this man was the Champion of Kirkwall, a drunken rogue who acted far too young for his age. “I didn’t think you had it in you, Commander.” Hawke pulled on Cullen’s shoulder and he widened his eyes as he felt the man’s face against his temple. “To think, just a few years ago you were afraid to enter a brothel!”
Cullen felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him as Aurelie giggled, her hand pressing over her lips to hide her grin. Hawke relented, pulling away from them, but kept his stance where it was. The more he watched Aurelie, Cullen relaxed, and felt his blush fade.
“I remember Varric telling me you were excellent at holding your liquor.” Aurelie commented, her hand reaching out to steady Hawke as he swayed. He snorted in laughter.
“Varric!” he shouted. “That reminds me! Varric wants to play a game!”
Hawke was grabbing at Aurelie and Cullen’s arms again, this time dragging them away from the crowd of people dancing. He pulled them into the far corner where a table had been set up, the dwarf mentioned sitting with Dorian and Iron Bull.
“There you are!” Varric exclaimed, motioning to Cullen. “Dorian, you owe me 5 silver- he showed up!”
Cullen rolled his eyes at the banter, and was about to excuse himself and Aurelie when he saw her taking a seat. He occupied the spot next to her, eyeing the way her usual companions held drunken smiles. Hawke fell into a chair next to Varric and propped his feet upon the table. The storyteller shook his head in mild disbelief before glancing to Aurelie and Cullen.
“We were about to play truth and dare,” Dorian explained. Cullen was already holding his hands up in protest.
“No, this is ridic-“
“Come on, the only skills you need are creativity and embarrassment tolerance!” Varric interrupted.
Cullen squared his shoulders, now regretting ever coming down from his office. He was about to stand up when he felt Aurelie’s hand find the one he had on his knee, giving it a small squeeze. He glanced to her to find a small smile on her lips, and a playful sparkle in her eyes. He took a breath, knowing what she was thinking- he needed to relax and unwind, something she had been encouraging him to do as of late. Finally, he conceded and nodded at the group.
“Do we have any ground rules?” he asked. Iron Bull let out a hearty laugh.
“You’re kidding!”
“Forfeit, and you drink,” Varric clarified shortly, pushing a large bottle of brandy to the center of the table. “Who’s first? Lady Aurelie?” he asked with a smirk.
“Fair enough,” Aurelie gave a quick glance to Cullen before speaking. “Dare,”
Varric tapped the tip of his index finger to his lips in thought. “Brave… disarm yourself,” he arched a knowing eyebrow when Aurelie tried to argue she didn’t have any weapons on her. “Do it without using your hands,” he explained.
Cullen assumed the dwarf was expecting something risqué from Aurelie. She stood, and he felt his heartbeat pick up in anticipation of her actions. She raised her hands in the air, her grin devious as she kicked up her leg onto the table, revealing a sheathed dagger on her boot. She leaned over herself for a moment before looking to Cullen.
“Be a dear?” He laughed as she duped the group and took the weapon from her ankle with deft fingers. He watched as she winked at Varric before sitting back down, amused by herself.
“Cullen?” her voice called out and he flinched, realizing it was his turn.
“Truth,” he answered after a moment.
Aurelie skewed her mouth to the side in thought, and Cullen narrowed his eyes as Hawke stood, leaning over Varric to whisper in her ear. Her eyes lit up and Cullen gulped.
“Who and when was your first kiss?” she asked.
Her smile had gone coy, and he felt his stomach tighten. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed; it was more so that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell her, especially under these circumstances. But her eyes seemed expectant, and he shifted uncomfortably before speaking.
“A woman in the Fereldan circle…” he trailed, trying to catch any signs of disappointment in her features. “I was eighteen,” he continued.
Aurelie's grin was bashful, but her gaze held more unspoken questions. Cullen sighed, hoping his answer was good enough. He glanced to Dorian, who was already nodding.
“Dare,”
This time, Aurelie leaned over to whisper in Cullen’s ear, her advice making him choke back a snicker.
“Sit in Iron Bull’s lap, facing him, for the rest of the night,” he instructed. Dorian huffed as he stood, pointing an accusatory finger at Aurelie.
“Helping is cheating!” he yelled, before positioning himself on the qunari, Iron Bull nothing but pleased by the event. Dorian glared with intensity. “Well Bull, what’ll it be?”
“Dare!” he exclaimed.
“Don’t. Move.” Dorian spoke. “If you can stay still for a whole minute, I won’t shock you for…” he trailed off, glancing down at his lap.
Varric groaned at what he alluded to. Cullen raised a brow, confused, and again felt Aurelie explaining in his ear. Iron Bull winked in their direction before darting his eye at Hawke.
“Dare for me!” Hawke smiled. Iron Bull was careful to not move as he spoke.
“That knife game, with your fingers- that has to be easy with liquor,”
"Isabella loves this game!" Hawke yelled.
He developed a dagger from his belt, perhaps one that was far too large for the trick he was about to perform. Aurelie leaned forward a fraction, reaching out a hand in concern. Hawke shook his head at her and started. He tapped the edge of the knife against the wood between the spaces of his fingers that he spread on the table’s surface. He moved his hand faster and faster, before Iron Bull grunted, ending the game.
“Oh all right, we get it, you’re good,” he admitted. Hawke leaned back, now sporting a cocky grin as he looked to Varric.
“Truth,” the dwarf sighed before Hawke could ask. “I’m feeling tame,”
“Varric,” Hawke started, surprising the group with his brief tone of sobriety. “I was reading some old letters of Bethany’s… and I have to ask…” he narrowed his eyes at his friend. “She makes it sound like you kissed her once before, is that true?”
Before Hawke could even finish his sentence Varric was grabbing at his flask of ale, taking a generous gulp. Hawke took in a sharp breath, his eyes widening in shock. Now Cullen was amused; he knew the truth of the matter, being one of Bethany’s Templar guards when she lived in the Kirkwall Gallows. When Aurelie looked at him with an arched brow he bit back his smile.
“Ok, Hawke,” Varric responded. “Another dare?” Hawke nodded and Varric held back his sudden burst of chuckles. “The seeker.” He pointed to another corner of the tavern where Cassandra was. She was sitting with Josephine and Leliana, the women holding a polite conversation. “Kiss her,”
The entire table erupted in a fit of laughter as Hawke stood straight up, chest pushing out as he took a large inhale.
“It’s been an honor,” he offered a salute, one that Aurelie copied with humor as Hawke strode off.
The group watched as he approached Cassandra, grabbing her by the shoulders before dipping her at the waist. He pressed a firm kiss to her mouth as they watched in horror. As expected, she twisted his body so it was flat on the ground, her heel pressed to his chest as he giggled beneath her. Varric shook his head in disbelief, looking to Iron Bull, who was now free to move.
“Your turn?” Varric prompted.
“Truth,” he responded. Varric hummed in thought.
“Do you know a pirate named Isabella?” he asked. Iron Bull nodded and Varric continued. “Ever sleep with her?”
“Don’t answer that,” Hawke cut in, falling back into his chair, his only clear wound being his ego. Bull nodded in earnest at Varric and the group when Hawke wasn’t paying attention. Dorian sighed.
“Alright, I’ll do a dare again,” he said. Iron Bull paused for a moment before leaning forward, whispering something into Dorian’s ear. The mage fell out of his lap in surprise, a Tevinter swear under his breath.
“No!” he yelled, reaching out to the bottle of brandy in defeat. He took a large swig as Iron Bull chuckled to himself. He glanced to Cullen. The commander sighed, amused, but still feeling reluctant.
“Truth,” he raised a brow when Iron Bull shook his head. The rest of the group also gave him skeptical looks.
"Come on curly, live a little," Varric urged.
“Dare?” he corrected himself, wondering if he was about to regret this.
“Aurelie,” Bull spoke, and Cullen was surprised to hear her name on his lips. For all he knew, she only let him use her first name. He glanced in her direction. “Blindfold your lover- consider it a present for the evening,” he explained.
Aurelie seemed shocked, and Cullen felt the heat returning to his cheeks. His choice of words was anything but domestic. Iron Bull handed her a strip of fabric; from where, Cullen didn’t want to know. She hesitated, asking him for permission under her breath. He exhaled a slow breath and nodded a little, closing his eyes as the cloth met his temple. He felt his vision blackout as she tied a lose knot at the back of his head.
“I’ll take truth this time,” she spoke near him. Cullen remembered her question before.
“Who was your first kiss?” he asked, feeling a little more relaxed. Aurelie was silent for a moment, and Cullen wondered why. With his vision blocked, it was hard to read the mood of the table occupants. He heard Varric laughing to himself, and knitted his brows in confusion.
“Cullen,” she spoke and he raised his brows then, wondering why she was fighting answering.
“Yes?” he asked.
He heard Dorian and Hawke join Varric and was almost tempted to tear the blindfold off to better understand the mood.
“No, I mean,” she exhaled and it dawned on him. “Cullen, it was you,”
His breath left him in amazement as he tried to comprehend her admission. The memory came back to him; the morning he had led them out to the battlements. How mortified she had been at one of his soldiers for catching them. How he had crashed his lips to hers, not wanting to wait another moment, after waiting and wanting for so long. She had been so quick to ask if he regretted it, if it was good enough, and now it made sense. Cullen was about to respond when Iron Bull let out a low hum.
“Virgin,” he commented. The group’s laughter stilled quieted and Cullen heard Dorian reprimanding the qunari in a soft voice. Still, Bull spoke. “I’m right, right?” he asked. “You noblewomen are all the same, saving first kisses and first times,”
A sharp slap echoed in Cullen’s ears, followed by silence, and after a moment, he pulled at the blindfold. He glanced to find Aurelie missing from the table. Iron Bull was holding his cheek where he guessed she had hit him, Dorian already standing next to him. He was still reprimanding him, this time with a harsher tone. Varric nodded at Cullen, motioning his head towards the open tavern door. He stood with a start, shaking his head in disbelief as he pushed himself through the crowd.
He had trouble finding Aurelie when he first exited the tavern, but soon found her standing at the courtyard wall. Her body was leaning over the cobblestone so she could glance down at Skyhold’s entrance. He stepped towards her, exhaling when she stood up straight, and he noted the shy expression on her features. Her blush was evident under the moonlight, and he paused before taking one of her hands in his own.
“Aurelie…” he waited for her to glance up.
“You told the truth?” she interrupted. He nodded, letting her take control of the conversation. Maker, he would rather never see her so embarrassed ever again if he could help it. “Your first kiss… can assume she was your first as well?”
Her question sounded so casual for a question so serious. Cullen swallowed the tightness in his throat away a few times before even glancing back down at her. He wasn’t sure of the right way to respond.
“N-no,” he avoided her gaze when her brows shot up, curious. “She-we never-“ he mumbled to the Maker under his breath. “The Circle fell before we could ever… do… more than that.” he cleared his throat again and snapped his hand to his neck, rubbing it as his nerves built up. Aurelie blinked at him a few times before nodding, her soft smile sympathetic.
“I’m sorry you didn’t have more time with her,” she commented. “Was she a fellow Templar?” her next question had his heart racing as he shook his head once. Every word from her was surprising.
Aurelie’s brows shot up again. “Oh…” she licked her lips in a nervous manner. “You don’t have to expl-“
“A mage, she had just passed her harrowing, we had always been friendly,” he paused, pushing past his own discomfort. It was important to tell her this, considering how much about his past he still hid away. “I liked her, she liked me- a teenage crush- one kiss is all we got before…”
“Cullen,” Aurelie interrupted him and he swallowed back the rest of his words. She understood the rest. He hated the tension he had unintentionally created.
“Truth, huh?” he laughed, sighing when Aurelie smiled at him. He knew his attempt at defusing the situation was not great.
“Well…” she trailed, her blush returning. “If she wasn’t your first, then who was?”
Cullen wondered if she was torturing him in some sort of payback for his earlier question. He had no idea it would warrant such a response, no idea it would lead to this; the revelation about her, about him. The air around him seemed to chill, and even out in the courtyard, he felt the space around him close in. He must have stayed silent for too long- Aurelie’s smile faltered as she realized what his silence was implying.
“Oh,” her cheeks flushed with red. “Oh, I didn’t mean to assume… I mean, I thought-“
“What?” he asked, watching as her expression turned aloof.
“Maker, Cullen…” she took a large breath, eyes darting away. “You’re an amazing man; handsome, charming, protecting… it’s surprising.” Her eyes met his, gaze burning. “You could have anybody you want,”
How ironic that he felt the same way- she took the words from him.
“What I want,” he started. “Is you,”
Aurelie went silent, her breath leaving her lips hanging open in a gasp. Cullen already had one hand on her cheek, another on her waist as he brought her closer. He kissed her with firm lips at first before molding his mouth around hers. Their tongues wrapped around another for a few long moments after until they were breathless. She pulled away first, and he rested his forehead against hers as he gazed at her, his heart pounding away in his chest.
“Aurelie…” he felt the words on the tip of his tongue. “I-”
“I LOVE YOU!”
The two flinched away from one another as they turned towards the sudden sound. Aurelie smacked a hand to her mouth in disbelief as Cullen groaned at the sight. It was Hawke, surprising to nobody. He was running around in large circles in the open courtyard, almost naked as Cassandra ran after, her fists clenched in rage.
“You will explain yourself!” she yelled after him.
Cullen shook his head, gazing up at the night sky to distract himself away from the ridiculous sight. After a moment, he felt Aurelie’s hand slip into his. She held a sleepy expression now, and he sighed at her, knowing they needed rest. Tomorrow was far too important, much more important than tonight- as much as it pained him to admit.
After Adamant, he told himself, he would have his chance. He had to tell her.
I want you, I need you, I love you.