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Mary Hatford was dead.
Well, she was dead in everything but reality.
She was dead on paper. She was dead metaphorically. Most importantly, she was dead to her son. She wasn’t dead to Nathaniel in one of those cliché, she mad a mistake and now he pretended she was dead kind of ways either. To him, she was literally dead. In his mind, he had seen her die, he had buried her in ash and metal and blood and she was gone.
Mary had orchestrated her own death in all the ways that mattered except in body and her own mind.
It wasn’t something she had wanted to do, faking her own death. Mary had done many cruel, hateful things in her life in the name of survival without blinking an eye. She didn’t regret a single one of them. But this, even Mary flinched at this. She had left her only son alone to fend for himself. He was the whole reason she had chosen to run, and she abandoned him.
That in and of itself had made her balk.
But they were too obvious together. They drew too much attention, were too recognizable as a pair. Their last encounter with Nathan had proven as much. He had tracked them down by description alone, of that she was sure.
No, cutting ties was the only thing to do, and she knew that. But knowing hadn’t stopped it from hurting.
It hadn’t stopped hurting as she had waited in the car, watching Nathaniel set the fire. It hadn’t stopped hurting as she dragged her battered body across sand, slowly, carefully, crushing dirt like glass into each wound until she nearly screamed. She hadn’t stopped as she gazed one final time at the shadow of her son before moving out of sight of Nathaniel’s prying eyes.
It hadn’t stopped hurting as she huddled behind a sand dune and waited for the fire to die down and for Nathaniel to walk away.
It never would stop hurting, she knew that now, but it was for the best.
And at the end of the day, Mary Hartford always did what was for the best when it came to her son.
--
It was nearly midnight as Mary strode through the streets somewhere in middle America. It was raining hard enough where Mary could barely see to set foot in front of her. Her hair was plastered to her skull, water running icy rivulets down her neck and into the collar of her shirt. It was unseasonably cold, and she hunched her shoulders defensively as she tried to think of what to do.
The only place open on this particular street was a sports bar, the neon lights were a visible football shape even through the downpour. As she drew closer, Mary could see through the window that it was sparsely crowded, meaning a game probably had already ended or hadn’t happened today. Some sports interview was playing on the screen confirming this assumption, and it wasn’t like Mary had many better options tonight.
Despite the lack of a crowd, the right move was probably to keep going, but Mary was older now, and she could feel the tremors running up her arms. She just needed a moment to get dry, to catch her thoughts without the pounding rush of run running through her ears. It had been over ten years since Nathan had caught up with her, and she had grown soft in the time between, especially after hearing of his death.
She hadn’t stopped moving, not trusting the Moriyamas not to catch up, but she had grown…lax.
The allure of a warm room and a drink was a siren call that she had grown less able to ignore in the last year or so. Mary tucked her chin into the collar of her coat, and pushed open the door despite her past self screaming at her to move on.
The heater was running on high, washing over her along with the low chatter of the handful of other patrons and the quiet hum of several TVs playing in unison.
“Welcome!” the bartender called, barely looking up from the bar top he was wiping down.
Mary nodded even though he hadn’t looked. She took a seat gently on the chair closest to the door, furthest from any of the other drinkers. Some habits were too ingrained to fall apart, and this was one of them.
“What can I get you?” the man asked, and Mary did her best to smile charmingly up at him.
“A towel, if you have it? And whatever you have on tap.” It was years of beguiling and winning people over that had Mary leaning forward just enough as if she were interested.
He was probably around Nathaniel’s age, too young for Mary to woo, but she’d rather come off a disarming old flirt, than a suspicious vagrant. The barkeep grinned back, but it was the familiar smile of a man long practiced at fending off unwanted attention in a profession that she was sure attracted more than most. Mary spied the wedding ring on his finger as well and backed off immediately.
“A towel and a house special it is.”
When he walked away, Mary let herself sit more heavily on the stool. She was relieved it had a back, not many barstools did, and she let the old leather take her weight. She scanned over the room subtly, finding no one’s gaze directed her way and acting as if she hadn’t cared either way. She almost tucked her eyes back down to her clasped hands, but the TV switched from a commercial back to the commentators and a familiar face caught her eye.
Nathaniel.
He was covered in scars Mary had never seen, but it was Nathaniel if she had ever seen him. His auburn hair was disheveled, slicked back with sweat, his eyes that piercing blue passed down from Nathan. It was her Nathaniel and she knew him in her blood.
“Can you turn that up?” Mary called out, keeping the urgency out of her voice.
“Sure, you like Exy?” The guy asked, snagging the remote and punching up the volume so the voices were clear in every corner of the bar.
Even the word Exy had ice piercing her gut, but Mary made herself nod. “Yeah, my son plays.”
Whatever he may have said was lost as the clip continued to play. A man’s voice was commentating over the clip of Nathaniel, her son’s fist pumping the air after what the commentator assured everyone was a spectacular score.
“Number 27, Neil Josten of the Chicago Bears has done it again. Look at that celebration!” The commentator laughed as Nathaniel, no Neil, was surrounded on the screen by his teammates.
“It’s no wonder Josten is one of the darlings of the Exy world,” another commentator agreed.
The camera switched to a replay. It showed a slow motion cut of Neil Josten dodging a defense man, his crystal blue eyes intent and every inch Nathan’s son as he let the ball fly with precision accuracy. The familiarity of that look cut Mary through like shrapnel.
“Yeah, Chris. And that upcoming game between the Bears and the Sirens is going to be a doozy. Every game I’ve ever seen between Josten and his former teammate Kevin Day has sold out far in advance.”
Kevin Day. Exy. Mary felt like her world had upended. How had Nathaniel ended up here? In the very world she had worked so hard to keep him from?
A clip played of Nathaniel and Kevin shaking hands, both soaked in sweat at the end of a game. They were grinning fiercely at each other and Mary could read their familiarity in the way Nathaniel rolled his eyes at whatever Kevin said as they released their hands.
“I’ve heard through the grapevine Minyard will be there cheering on his boy. Day better watch out if the Sirens rough Josten up too much like last time.” The commentators all laughed.
“Did you see the look on the Siren’s captain’s face when Josten took too long to stand up after that hit?” They were all in hysterics as another clip played.
She blinked, startled to see her son crumpled on the court. Day was there, trying to help him up as the ref called foul. Nathaniel’s teammates looked furious, and the other team looked terrified, but not at them. They were all looking off to the side, and the camera quickly panned to a crowd of people. She didn’t know who was she was supposed to be looking at, but the commentators were all grinning when the screen cut back to them.
“He didn’t let the Sirens score a single goal their next game against the Bulldogs. I thought he was going to commit a mass murder.”
“Yeah, the only reason he didn’t was probably because Josten was in the stands.”
The screen changed again, showing a clip of Nath—Neil leaving the stadium. He was hand in hand with a man that Mary couldn’t remember from the clip. Much to her surprise just the sight of him had Mary’s teeth on edge. This must be Minyard. He was short enough to be unimpressive, but the commentators’ words rung in her head alongside the deadened look in his eyes.
Cheering on his boy. Commit a mass murder because someone hurt her son.
She tried to reconcile that information with the blank look on his face, but all it did was make her skin crawl. She had thought it was an exaggeration, but Mary Hatford knew a killer when she saw one, and Andrew Minyard was a killer.
The clip played on, the commentators voices blurring into fuzz as she watched Nath—Neil swing their linked hands between them almost playfully as they headed for a sleek black car in the stadium parking lot.
“For those of you new to the Exy world, Josten and Minyard shocked the powers that be by being the first out players from the prestigious court. Word was that not even their coaches had been informed, but Coach Wymack of the PSU Foxes had apparently found the whole thing hilarious. Apparently the two were dating long before graduation and no one outside of the Foxes knew. I would think it was a publicity stunt given Minyard’s history, if not for Wymack’s reaction and how anyone can look at Josten and see it’s real.”
The clip changed again to show the two of them at a game, this time both of them in the stands. Minyard was looking down at his phone, but Neil’s eyes were all for the man at his side.
Mary recognized pure devotion when she saw it, especially in her son’s face.
It made her skin crawl.
She had left him. That had been her choice. But she had thought he would make better choices than this. She hadn’t imagined he would pick the life she had done everything to keep him from following the moment he was out from under her nose.
--
Mary knew this was a mistake. Lurking outside the Bear’s stadium was easily in the top ten stupidest things she had done, but she needed to see Nathaniel in person. She needed to see what he was like without the cameras, off the court.
She needed to see if she had pushed him into a life he hated in trying to keep him safe.
It was a warm night, and Mary found herself drifting as she crouched in the corner and smoked a cigarette in between security rounds. She was on her third when the team door opened and players started to filter out.
Mary quickly stubbed out her cigarette, leaving herself in darkness. She was watching them closely, keeping an eye out for auburn hair, when a car roared into the lot and parked only a few spots away from her hiding place.
The door flung open and Andrew Minyard stepped out.
Minyard was a pro-Exy player, so it had been easy to find information on him.
He was a former teammate of Neil and Kevin Day’s from the PSU Foxes. He had a criminal past, had been in jail off and on, the foster system, and there were rumors that he had murdered his own mother, although no one could confirm it.
He was known in Exy circles to be quiet, violent, and the best goal keeper in professional Exy today. He was also inextricably linked to Neil in every possible way. There wasn’t a single article that Mary could find about Andrew that didn’t mention Neil Josten in some way, even casually.
Researching Neil had been the same, Andrew Minyard always lurking somewhere in the page.
There were even rumors that the two were secretly married, blurry photos of Andrew wearing a necklace with a ring and close up, almost entirely illegible, photos of a tattoo on Neil’s inner bicep with the initial AJM.
Andrew Joseph Minyard
The players streaming out of the locker room all nodded as Andrew weaved his way through and into the building. He hadn’t acknowledge any of them, but none of them seemed to be bothered. If Mary’s research was anything to go by, this was standard Andrew Minyard behavior.
She waited in the dark as car after car lit up in the parking lot and drove away. She waited until the only car left was the sleek Maserati and the little golf cart of the security person who was still making lazy circles around the stadium with his nightstick and flashlight.
Finally, as Mary was considering lighting a fourth cigarette, light spilled out of the locker room, expelling Andrew and…Nathaniel…Neil.
It was the first time Mary had seen her son in person in a decade. He looked older, broader…happier.
He was grinning ear to ear, chattering away as he and Andrew walked across the parking lot. He stuttered only barely as Andrew tugged at the straps of his bag until Neil let him take it and carry it over his own shoulder instead.
It was a surprisingly tender gesture, and Mary caught herself frowning in confusion. This wasn’t what she had expected. But then again, she had never seen her son like this. Nathaniel had never…babbled.
But Neil Josten did, running on about the practice and what was working and what wasn’t and how he planned to get everyone to work together for once in their lives.
“I’ll transfer, I swear,” Neil griped at last, but Mary heard the lie.
Apparently so did Andrew who reached over and pinched Neil’s arm. “You’ll be sorry if you do.”
They were at the car and Neil turned around to lean up against the door. “Oh yeah, why’s that.”
“Figure it out yourself,” Andrew hissed coldly, but Neil’s grin brightened immensely.
“Are you transferring?”
Andrew didn’t seem to respond, which only egged Neil on further.
Mary felt her jaw drop, trying to piece together the Nathaniel she had left with the Neil in front of her. Her son had been a boy, but this was a man. A man marked by tragedy, clearly, but one that grinned and joked and seemed for all the world to be blindingly in love.
“Andrew, yes or no?” There was a teasing lilt in his voice Mary had never heard before and she barely caught the snarled yes before they were kissing up against the car door.
The moment was intimate, and more intense than she would have expected. It forced Mary to look away, her gaze falling to her hands and the unlit cigarette she was twirling between her fingers. When the engine ignited, Mary looked up just long enough for the car to pull out of the spot and drive away.
She watched until the taillights disappeared behind a turn, gathered herself, and walked away.
Nathaniel was happy as Neil, that much was clear. It still hurt, the decision she had made long ago, but she knew now it had been the right one.
As she trekked to the bus stop a few blocks away, Mary wondered if now was the time when she could finally settle down again and breathe.