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Some days, Harley hates how loving Tony’s become.
It’s not like he was the biggest fan of the PTSD-ridden asshole he met ten years ago, who let him follow him around like a lost puppy for a weekend, but it maybe would’ve been easier to tell Tony the truth of what happened to his family instead of the man standing in front of him now, the one with the kind smile, the one who reaches out his hand for Harley to grab onto when he starts scratching at his thigh again.
For some reason, that makes this so much harder.
He’s been putting this off for weeks. He promised Peter he’d tell Tony, but he’s constantly been finding excuses. He just had physical therapy, you know how bitchy he is after that; he just took his meds, they’re gonna make him loopy; Nebula’s here, I don’t want to interrupt their time together. Later, later, later.
But today is Harley’s last day at the lake house before he’s scheduled to return back to Rose Hill. Before he’s supposed to return to an empty house filled with the ghosts of everything he lost, where he doesn’t belong to anybody.
Here, he thinks, is different. Here, he’s part of a family, a feeling that is so foreign to him he’s unsure if he’s ever been a part of one before. Daisy was his family, always - his reason to keep going even when their mother kept beating them down. But while he loved Daisy with everything in him, they weren’t a family. Here, in the huge conglomeration of people at the lake house, he has everyone, an entire family under one roof, a mess of people he never thought he’d find himself connected to. He has a father figure in Tony, in the way he tucks them all in bed at night, the horrible jokes he makes, the way he ruffles Harley’s hair as he walks by or tugs him into a hug as he’s just sitting on the couch. He has two mother figures in May and Pepper, who give the best advice, usher them inside after he, Peter and Morgan have spent the whole afternoon playing in the snow, and hold them close when they all fall asleep in a pile after watching Moana for the millionth time. He has Rhodey and Happy, two pseudo-uncles who protect everyone else, who are always for anything Tony or Pepper needs them for, who are the best people to play Monopoly with.
He has Morgan, who reminds him of Daisy so much it makes his heart ache, but not always in a bad way. He sees the way her eyes glimmer at everything new she comes across, how she’s always hugging everyone, how she giggles at Peter’s stupid voices and sings along to all the Disney films. The first time she referred to him as her big brother, a week after he arrived, he snuck into his room to cry. Peter held him through it all.
And Peter. This random, nerdy kid who he sent into a horrible flashback in his first twelve hours here, whose arms he wept into as he talked about his family for the first time since he’d returned mere hours later. The kid who he’s shared a bed with almost every night since he’s arrived here, who he’s already bet twenty bucks he’ll win at Mario Kart. The brother he never had, who fits so perfectly into his life that, if Harley were just a little more sappy, he’d call something like fate.
He doesn’t want to go back to Rose Hill.
Harley knows to stay here, he has to tell Tony the truth. That he’s not enrolled in school back in Tennessee and he needs to be home tomorrow for classes; that his mama didn’t approve of this trip; that his family isn’t all fine and recovering back home.
He doesn’t have a choice anymore.
Pepper and Morgan had left earlier to spend a “girl’s day” at the mall, and Peter had instantly leapt up asking to join them, sending Harley a pointed glare before they’d left. He could tell the message in his gaze clear as day - tell him.
Harley had flipped him off behind Tony’s back, but as soon as the door shut, he turned to Tony and asked if they could talk, ignoring how his heart jumped into his throat and his palms had gone sweaty. He didn’t want to do this.
Why did he have to relive the trauma of his real family to allow himself into this new one?
Tony cocks an eyebrow at him as soon as Harley asks if they can talk, but nods, setting his mug of tea down on the counter behind him. “Yeah, sure, Spud. What’s up?”
He has to fight back a surge of emotion at the nickname, selfishly wishing Tony wouldn’t be so damn nice. It’s hard enough for him to admit that his entire family is dead for good - after he was just dead temporarily - but Tony’s newfound gentleness and affection doesn’t make it any easier.
Deep down, he knows he doesn’t want Tony to be so caring towards him because he doesn’t feel like he deserves it, but that’s a therapy session for another time. He can’t dwell on that now.
“Um.” His mouth feels dry. His hands are shaking. “I, uh - about my family.”
“What about ‘em?” Tony sounds so casual and it makes Harley want to rip his hair out. Without even realizing it, he starts to scratch at his upper thigh, feeling the ridges in his skin his nails had left years before. “They missing you too much? Good thing you’re heading back tomorrow.”
Good thing.
Something in him snaps. He can’t keep this charade up anymore; he can’t keep faking a smile about the family he’s lost to keep the family he’s found happy, not while he’s still dying inside.
All at once, the words pour out of Harley’s mouth like bile, hot and rancid and painful. Once he starts, he can’t stop, despite how tight his throat feels and the tears in his eyes ready to fall at a moment’s notice. He’s sure he’s talking too fast, but he doesn’t stop, doesn’t meet Tony’s gaze as he mauls his leg and admits everything.
He almost chokes on Daisy’s name. Having to say the phrase “she was killed” almost has him throwing up right there in the living room. He doesn’t know if that’ll ever get easier to say.
I’m so sorry, kid.
He feels a soft, calloused hand on his shoulder, slowly stroking back and forth, and he thinks he can hear Tony’s voice coaching him to breathe, but it doesn’t cut through the memory of losing his little sister. Nothing does. Nothing ever will.
Tony’s gentle actions, everything he’s doing to help Harley, to make it easier for him to tell the truth, opens up a fire somewhere deep inside him - equal parts rage and grief and fear fanning the flame, suddenly making it harder for him to speak. That fire’s been there since the moment he was Snapped back to an empty house, but speaking about it, paired with how goddamn loving Tony is, makes it grow into an inferno he couldn’t even begin to quell.
For the first time since he called Daisy’s name and didn’t get a response, he wants it to overtake him. Let it destroy him.
It’d be easier than having to fight it every time the memory returns.
But Tony is here, right beside him, a steady presence as he crumbles, and he can’t allow himself to explode when the first person to ever take care of him like a parent is supposed to is trying to save him.
Tony is his anchor, his way out of this pain.
But he’s not sure if he wants to take it.
Would it be so wrong of him to just let the pain of losing Daisy and his mother, as awful as she was, sit in him for a while? He doesn’t want Tony’s love, his comfort. He wants to be angry, he wants to scream at Thanos and the universe and everything else that caused this to happen. Would he really be such a terrible person if he kept the flame burn him?
It’s what he deserves, after all.
“No,” he grinds out, once he realizes. “No, this isn’t fair. It isn’t fair.”
“Harley—“ Tony tries.
“No!” He jumps to his feet, grabs at his hair and pulls as hard as he can. “Why did it have to be Daisy, huh? Why did I get to be the temporary death when she’s gotta be gone for good? Why did Mama have to turn out to be such a shitty parent? Why couldn’t you pick up your fucking phone and call me in the last ten years? Why did it have to take the Snap for you to even remember I exist? Why - why did Thanos have to do this at all?” He whirls around and glares at Tony. “Why didn’t you stop it?”
The flame goes out in a huff.
He’s gone too far. He knows it.
Part of him thought, once he got everything out, he’d feel freer, lighter. Instead, it’s the opposite. He’s in so much more pain as soon as the words are out in the open where he can’t take them back.
Silence falls like a blanket around them. Harley feels like the walls of the lake house are closing in on him, just moments away from spitting him out for good. He lost his first family, and now he’s ruined his second.
His mouth feels like sandpaper. He can’t even begin to choke out an apology.
He’s frozen in place, eyes locked on Tony’s, unable to tear them away.
“I - I didn’t mean that,” he rasps out after an eternity. His voice doesn’t sound right.
Tony sighs, washes a hand down his face. In the span of only a few minutes, he’s seemed to age ten years. “You did,” he says heavily, and Harley feels the words like a gunshot. “But that’s okay.”
“I didn’t, Tony, I swear—”
“Breathe, kid,” Tony whispers, and it’s only then that Harley realizes he’s hyperventilating and the living room is starting to swirl around him. “That was a lot, I know. Just breathe right now.”
It takes a few minutes, but once he’s able to get some air back into his lungs, he ducks his head and slowly walks back over to the couch and sits down, but on the far end of the couch. Tony, for his credit, doesn’t push the boundary and instead sits on the other end, so there’s enough space between them. “Buddy, why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” Tony asks, and there’s pity in his voice, pity that Harley would hate with anyone else, but with Tony he can tell the real kindness behind it and it helps him ground himself, just a little bit. The fire is gone, leaving just a small child who, despite everything, wants to be comforted. “You - you were supposed to go back tomorrow.”
“It’s not like I could just bring this up over dinner,” Harley replies, still not meeting his gaze. “And I - wasn’t ready to admit it before.”
“So no one else knows?” Tony presses.
“Uh - no. I, uh, told Peter. And he convinced me to tell you so I wouldn’t have to go back. He said you wouldn’t let me.”
“Well, he’s right,” Tony says without hesitation, and Harley, for some reason, jumps at the conviction in his voice. “I’m glad he made you tell me because there’s no way I’m letting you go back to sleeping on the streets.”
“I’m not,” Harley snaps furiously, before quickly swallowing down the anger. “I mean, um, I’m still stayin’ in our house. They haven’t gotten around to lookin’ for me or anything.”
“Harley,” Tony says, his face falling. “Spud, listen to me right now, okay?”
He closes his eyes.
“You have every right to be angry,” Tony begins. “At Thanos, at the world, even at me. You’re right, I didn’t stop it. And I’m sorry. You don’t know how sorry I am. So you can scream at me all you want. You’ve lost so much. If that’s what you need to get all your emotions out, I’m here. If you don’t want to be comforted, if you just want to be so furious about the world… I’m here for that, too. You don’t have to act like you’re fine all the time.”
“I don’t deserve it.” Harley mumbles. “I… I was an asshole to you. You don’t have to keep putting up with me.”
“What, ten years ago?” And Tony, despite everything, honest-to-God laughs, startling Harley so much he opens his eyes to stare at him in horror. “Harley, you were a fucking twelve year old and I’d just crashed into your shed. You had every right to be an asshole. I was the grown adult, and I should’ve done better. I shouldn’t have waited ten years to find you again, and I’ll never forgive myself for that. This is me trying now. Doesn’t erase the past, but maybe it can change the future, if that’s okay with you.”
Harley swallows past the lump in his throat that he can’t fully identify. “Why… why didn’t you?” he asks after a moment, trying to ignore the way his voice shakes. “Try to call me in the last ten years.”
Tony sighs heavily and leans back against the couch. “Pride?” he guesses finally.
“Yeah, I could believe that.”
“Little shit.” Tony grins at him, and Harley just rolls his eyes. “But I’ll give you that one. Back then, the great Tony Stark couldn’t allow himself to even be nice to a kid, much less admit that he was responsible for saving my ass when everyone assumed I was dead. I should’ve been better. At the very least, I should’ve told you thank you.”
“You can still say it now,” Harley says, only half-joking.
He expects Tony to laugh, but instead, the older man just looks at him, his gaze soft and almost mournful. “I didn’t forget about you,” he says quietly. “My pride might’ve stopped me from actually reaching out to you, but I thought about you all the time. Finding out you’d been Snapped too… you don’t know how many nights I cried over you and Peter. I’d lost both of you before I had the chance to actually tell you I loved you.”
“Sappy,” Harley says, picking at a loose thread at his shirt.
“Damn right,” Tony replies proudly. “Fatherhood changes you.”
“Yeah… it does,” Harley says carefully. “I see it in you. It’s… drastic. You’re not even close to who you were the last time I saw you.”
Tony cocks an eyebrow at Harley’s voice. “Is that a bad thing?”
“It shouldn’t be,” Harley begins, “but it is. I didn’t know how to tell you my entire family was… you know, when I knew how damn loving you’d be. Part of me thought it’d be way easier if you just shrugged it aside. I… I’m not used to you, or anyone really, being so loving and kind. Mama didn’t think I deserved anything like that; why should you?”
“Because your mom was wrong,” Tony says automatically. “And I was wrong for ten years, so I have a lot of time to make up for; and I’m making up for every single adult who told you you didn’t deserve to be loved. Spud, you - you deserved so much better. From your parents, from the world, from me.”
The lake house is silent. Harley shakes his head and pulls his knees to his chest, staunchly refusing to say anything because deep down he knows if he does, he’ll break down.
He doesn’t know why this is so hard. For his entire life, he just wanted a parent to love him, to take care of him, to support him, and now he has an entire family ready to take him in, and he can’t bring himself to accept it. To believe it.
“You’re allowed to be scared,” Tony says finally, his voice low. “God, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling right now; having so many things happen in just a few months for you. So you’re allowed to be scared and confused and upset. I won’t be mad if you are. But I’m not letting you go back to Rose Hill alone.”
“Even if you don’t have any room?”
“We’ll find room,” Tony says, waving his hand dismissively like he could make the lake house bigger with just a single sentence; which, for Tony, isn’t impossible. “I’m sure Peter wouldn’t mind if we fit you in there with him.”
Harley grins, running a hand through his already messy hair. “I think he’s surprised it hasn’t happened already.”
“Harley,” Tony says, gentle, and finally he reaches across the couch to take his hand. “Thank you for telling me about your family. I know that wasn’t easy.”
“Blame Peter,” Harley sighs. “He’s been yellin’ me at me to tell you for weeks now.”
“Good,” Tony says. “I know you didn’t like telling me, but you’re stuck with us now. And I know that’s only why Peter was making you do this. He didn’t wanna lose you. No one here does.”
“That’s a first,” Harley mumbles, before he fully realizes what he’s said.
“It shouldn’t be,” Tony says sadly. “But we’re making up for lost time.”
Finally, Harley looks at him fully. He still doesn’t look anything like the man who broke into his shed ten years ago, but maybe that’s okay. Because the disgust, annoyance, tiredness that used to be in his eyes is now replaced with understanding, comfort, and love, something he never thought he’d see at someone looking at him.
“I like you better this way,” Harley says. “Less asshole-y. It’s a good look on you.”
Tony chuckles, and squeezes his hand. “Can say the same about you.”
--
A week later, there’s a second bed in Peter’s bedroom, a mess of boxes and clothes, and Tony invites him out to the lake.
The lake, as he’s quickly found out, is a place of conversation and heart to hearts. It’s where Peter went the morning after his panic attack; it’s where Morgan hides out after her and Pepper get into a fight and Tony has to go and help her calm down and apologize. And while less-serious events have taken place out there - water gun fights and wrestling matches and tea parties with Morgan’s stuffed animals - a direct invite from Tony definitely makes his anxiety spike a little bit.
But he still follows him, out of his bedroom where Peter is video-chatting with Ned; through the living room where Happy is asleep on the couch with some episode of Downton Abbey playing on the TV, and past the kitchen, where Pepper and Morgan are covered in flour as they attempt to make chocolate-chip cookies. Outside, their feet squish in the grass, a testament to the giant rainstorm they had last night.
“So,” Tony begins when they’re halfway across the field and the lake is just starting to come into view. “I know you didn’t wanna talk to us about your family anymore, which is fair, and none of us will try to push you. I know you’ll open up when you’re ready, but you can take as much time as you need.
“But it’s not healthy to just try and act like they never existed. Believe me, I tried that. So, when Pepper and I went back to Rose Hill to get your stuff, we decided on something.”
Harley’s looking at the ground as they walk, trying not to spiral into a full anxiety attack, but when Tony stops abruptly in front of him, he crashes into him, barely keeping himself from falling over into the mud. Only then does he look up, and he gasps.
Sitting right in front of them, right on the edge of the lake but still hidden from the public eye, is one of Daisy’s last school art projects - a painting of the lake Harley always went to in the summer, the one he’d told Peter about his first night here - and his mama’s prized pearl necklace. Unlit candles and flowers sit around it, peaceful and calm and exactly what they would’ve wanted.
“It’s yours,” Tony says softly as Harley crumbles to his knees, tracing a shaking finger over Daisy’s painting. “Only me and Pepper know about it, and after this we won’t come out here without your permission. It’s for you, to spend time with them however you choose.”
“How - how did you know to grab all this?” Harley asks, and when he feels a tear slip down his cheek, he doesn’t bother wiping it away. It’s okay to cry here. “The painting, her necklace—”
“Call it parent’s intuition,” Tony says, smiling. “I saw it and it just gave me this overwhelming feeling that this is what you needed most from them.”
Harley laughs, but it immediately turns into a sob. “You sure you’re not the magic one?” he asks.
“Definitely not,” Tony says. “I just know my kid.”
He looks at the painting again, and in the corner, barely visible, is Daisy’s name, written in Sharpie with her signature heart next to it. Daisy always drew a heart next to her name; she said it was because there weren’t enough hearts in the world. They should’ve been everywhere, she thought. She wanted love to be everywhere you looked.
When she was alive, there was.
He reaches out to touch her signature and his tears intensify, blurring his vision until it’s just a mess of colors. He thinks he hears Tony behind him, kissing the top of his head before telling him he’s going back inside, but he doesn’t pay attention to it. Right now, he can only feel his sister.
His new family is just inside, just across the field, people who love him and take care of him and support him despite everything. But his first family, the person who brought him into this world and the person he would’ve given the entire world for, are still here.
The tears slow, finally, and Harley smiles at the painting, the necklace, the candles and flowers and the gentle breeze enveloping him. It’s home.
“Hey Daisy,” he whispers. “Can I tell you what happened today?”