Chapter Text
Jungwoo had never really thought about coming back to his small hometown. He preferred the city and all the noise it came with. Noise was good because in that way his demons would never hunt him, they got lost in between the people, lights and whispers.
Of course he loved and missed his mother and brothers, but he preferred when they visited him in Seoul. In that way he could get the chance to show his big house, nice car and hot boyfriend, Yuta. Things that made him feel valid and that the sacrifice he had made was worthy. Jungwoo liked expensive and cute things because he could pay for them and, in that way, make everything he had left behind seem to be the right choice.
He had never thought about death either.
He knew it was a thing that happened at the end of the road but it had looked so distant for so long that when it knocked on his door he felt empty and cold. Jungwoo had felt himself as a balloon, floating without a clear destiny... just existing.
His mother had died at the beginning of winter, on a monday night when Gong Myung and Doyoung had been working at the bar and he was in Seoul at a party for the new fashion collection one of his friends was hosting.
Everything sounded like a bad joke, at least that's what Jungwoo thought when Doyoung called him in the middle of the runway with Yuta holding his hand.
"Mom died,Jungwoo", cried Doyoung. "She's... God, I can believe I'm telling you this, Jungwoo... Please, you have to come and-"
And Jungwoo couldn't hear anymore. His ears started buzzing and the ground disappeared. His beautiful and magnificent mother was dead and he was at a fucking runway, at ten hours of distance.
Was that really happening to him or was it a nightmare that was too vivid? Unfortunetly it wasn't and that's why he was now he was infront of his nice and small old house, in his small hometown for a fucking funeral.
That was not the way he thought his comeback would be.
"Hey, you're here," says Doyoung, opening the front door. “C’mon in.”
His older brother's eyes are red and wet. Jungwoo knows he has been crying since that phone call, but Doyoung was stubborn and still thought about Jungwoo as a baby, so he trying to be "strong for both of them" made sense.
“You know I fucking hate that stupid nickname, Doyoung”, threathens Jungwoo.
"C'mon, you used to love it", insists his brother while taking one of Jungwoo's bags. "Why are you bringing so much shit? You would have to be here just for a week"
"Actually, I’m staying for ten day. Mom asked for it in her testament", clarifies Jungwoo taking out his leather gloves from his hands.
"What? How do you know that?"
"I called the lawyer the morning after you called me", explains Jungwoo. "He is helping us with the funeral and all the arrangements."
"The lawyer?" asks Doyoung while dragging the suitcase. "Who's he and why did you know about the testament and not me or Myung?"
"Because we thought it was a good idea to leave everything ready like... two years ago?"
"Of course you did, Jungwoo," says Doyoung with a sarcastic tone. "You're the only one interested in that kind of-"
"It was after Taeil's mom died,'' explains Jungwoo. "She saw how he suffered while trying to deal with everything and she wanted us to just be ready."
"I-"
"Save your words Doyoung, I know you always like to talk crap about me."
"Jungwoo, it's not-"
"My little Snoopy is here!" screams with excitement Gong Myung from the second floor. "Doyoung, why didn't you tell me?"
"At least someone enjoys my presence," laughs Jungwoo.
"Look, Jungwoo-"
"How was your trip, little one? Are you tired? I was about to make us some spicy noodles, how does it sound to you?"
Before Jungwoo could be able to speak, he was lifted by his oldest brother, Gong Myung.
Myung had always been a piece of sun and the one that looked more like his mother. He had a beautiful round and small face with a bright and big smile. He was also the tallest and strongest one of the three.
"I missed you so much" Myung hugged him. "I know this is probably not the way we wanted this to happen but I'm really happy that the three of us are together. It makes this place feel a bit more like home."
"I know," replied Jungwoo while hugging Myung a little bit more. "I... I missed you too guys". Jungwoo felt the tears coming up his throat. "This place... still looks the same. I thought I had sent money for you to change it."
"What do you mean?" asked Myung, acting offended. "I remodeled the whole place! I think it is your snob ass that is not used to a normal sized home."
"I'm not a snob!" answered Jungwoo.
"Oh, yes you are," replied Gong Myung and Doyoung at the same time.
“Doyoung it’s upstairs preparing my room" says Jungwoo rolling the sleeves of his black sweater. "How should I help you?"
"How are you?" asks Myung, ignoring Jungwoo's proposition. "Are you dealing well with... everything?"
"Why are you using that tone? And what do you mean with 'everything'?" says Jungwoo while taking a seat at the kitchen bar.
"Because I know this kind of thing affects you", answers Myung looking at the pot in front of him. "Because I know how much mom's death affects you... how much being here affects you."
"I mean, death is not something I'm used to but I understand it. With mom leaving us everything feels hard and unreal, and I don't know what I-"
"I know you know how to deal with death, Jungwoo. You know that's not the reason why I asked you if you are doing fine."
"Then why did you ask that?"
"Because-"
"God, Myung, that smells amazing" interrumps Doyoung. "Your old room is ready. I changed the blanks for clean ones and I put some extra ones if you feel cold."
"Thank you, Dodo", says Jungwoo.
"Your welcome", smiles Doyoung.
"Take the soju out of the fridge. We're eating and drinking tonight."
"Oh, we're being elegant," laughs Doyoung. "I hope soju it's okay for Mr. Fancy."
"Doyoung-" stars Gong Myung.
"What is is your fucking problem, Doyoung? C'mon, tell it straight to my fucking face, you coward." Screams Jungwoo standing up. "Take all the shit out of your chest because I'm not standing your bullshit for ten days."
"Oh, you think you would handle it? or I might hurt your stupid feelings? Becausem you know, all that this family do is take care of your stupid ass. Mom, Gong Myung, me."
"Take care of me?! When do I have need you or mom? I'm the one that sends the money you guys use for that stupid bar you have and that payed mom bills."
"You know nothing, Jungwoo. Never knew and never will know. You go around hurting people and smiling, hiding your shit under expensive gifts... You think our mom wanted your stupid money?! She wanted you!" Doyoung's face is red and even if he is a bit shorter than Jungwoo, he looks tall and his broad shoulders look much bigger. "Mom died and you weren't here. Not when things got worse, not when we needed you. Maybe Jaehyung saved himself from someone as selfish as you."
The next thing happens too fast to react.
Jungwoo slaps Doyoung's face and Doyoung pushes Jungwoo to one of the kitchen walls, smashing his head against it.
"Stop, both of you", screams Myung. "You're being childish and stupid. For fucks sake, Doyoung let Jungwoo go, now!"
"I fucking hate you. You ruined us", says Doyung as an insult.
"Go to your room, Doyoung. I'll bring you dinner when it is ready, just... leave."
Doyoung let Jungwoo free and clean his nose looking deeply mad at both of his brothers.
"I'll be at the bar, don't wait for me."
"Fucking bastar" whisper Jungwoo falling to the ground.
"Are you okay, Snoopy?" askes Myung squatting to look at Jungwoo's face.
"He hates me, doesn't he?" Jungwoo laughs while tears appear in his eyes. "My brother hates me, my mother is dead. I'm back in this stupid town..."
"And Jaehyun is here" adds Gong Myung, swallowing hard. "I-, I invited him to mom's funeral."
"Fuck" cries Jungwoo with tears in his eyes. "I guess I deserve all of this, don't I?"
"Jungwoo, do not be that hard with yourself-"
"No, it's okay. I guess my demons finally caught me" laughs Jungwoo bitterly. "I don't know why I am more afraid of seeing him again than burying mom."
"He meant a lot to you back then, Jungwoo. Both of you were so in-"
"Oh, please, do not say the word love, Gong Myung."
"But you were... You guys were so-"
"Shut up! Please shut up" cries Jungwoo standing up. "You know what? I'm not hungry anymore" he fakes a broken smile and approaches the fridge to take the soju bottle. "I'll be in my room getting drunk because my mom just died and I am going to see him after what? Eight years? God, this is just a really bad joke."
"Jungwoo-"
"I'm not going to kill myself Myung", says Jungwoo while rolling his eyes.
"I know" Myung breathes deeply. "Doyoung doesn't hate you, he is just... coping with everything, please try to understand him. We all are trying to deal with these."
"Sure" nods Jungwoo. "Now if you excuse me, I'll deal with everything in my old room."
The only thing that Gong Myung can listen to are the steps of Jungwoo and then nothing.
His nice home is a mess and it's just him to pick up the pieces once again.
"What should I do mom?" cries Myung in silence. "Please tell me because I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with these... I miss you so much."