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“You are the oldest, so therefore it should be you by process of elimination,” Tony said with a smirk.
“Thor is actually older.” Steve responded grumpily. He would have mentioned that Bucky was also older than him, but he wasn’t sure that Tony would like that. Tony had built a machine to save memories, and even though he was brainwashed, Bucky still had all the memories from then. Plus, Bucky and Tony didn’t always get along, even though Bucky had asked for Tony’s forgiveness, and Tony said he forgave him.
Tony continued typing into his computer with one hand, as he searched the bookcase with another one. “Thor is doing Thor things,” Tony pulled out a small bag of chocolate blueberries, and pulled one out.
He offered the bag to Steve, but Steve shook his head. “It would only be simple memories.”
Steve laughed awkwardly. He wasn’t sure his memories were worth saving, not all of them. Most of his old possessions from before he were frozen in Ice were already in a museum, at least the ones they could find.
Also, times were different when he was a younger, not all memories were happy memories. Times were tough. There were some good memories, but they were mixed in with other memories.
He realized he had zoned out when he heard Tony say, “Your first kiss.”
Steve shook his head. He hadn’t thought about that memory in a long time. He forced himself to laugh as if joking. “No, you can’t ask about that.”
Tony stopped typing, and crossed his arms and stared at him. “Was your first kiss after you were unfrozen?” Tony chuckled at his own joke.
Tony threw another piece of chocolate in his mouth. “No one will judge you if it was. Well, I won’t. It’s not a bad memory if that is the case.”
“You know before I lay down in this machine and let you record memories, maybe I should have you vet all questions through my husband.” He smirked, and then walked out of the lab.
Steve knew that Tony would follow him, but he didn’t want people to watch certain memories. He should have some right to privacy, especially memories that might make people feel sorry for him. He didn’t need anyone’s pity for things that happened a long time ago. He still remembered everything about that day surrounding his first kiss, but it was still a bit painful.
“Look, we don’t have to get Bucky involved in this project right now. He will shut things down entirely just because he likes to be difficult. If we are able to record the memories, it would be helpful to keep people’s memories. It would be good for the world, we would be able to hold on to good people, and fantastic achievements. Nothing traumatic right now, that may come later.”
“Go back to the lab,” Steve said sternly.
Tony watched him a bit uncertain, but turned to head back to the lab.
Steve followed him. While, he was friends with Tony, he wasn’t sure if he should tell him the memory. Steve didn’t feel right though, just leaving him hanging. Maybe he should just lie and say his first kiss wasn’t till after he was unfrozen, it might make it easier.
Steve pulled two chairs out. “Look, if I tell you this, it doesn’t leave this lab, and you can’t record it. “
Tony looked like he was going to make a joke, but he decided better against it. Steve looked a lot more serious than normal, which considering during missions he was the most serious Avengers, it made Tony wonder what Steve was going to say.
“My first kiss was Bucky.” Steve said blankly. He was trying to figure out how much more he should tell Tony. He did trust Tony but he just didn’t want to deal with this memory right now. “I was not Bucky’s first kiss though.”
Tony just nodded so Steve could continue if he wanted.
Steve found himself staring at the wall. He didn’t want to look Tony.
“The sun was shining bright. We were playing baseball. My uncle Jack had decided to visit, and I was going to try to hit a homerun so he didn’t think I was the scrawny little runt he thought I was. Bucky was right in front me waiting to hit. The day before, I had seen him kiss Susan Mcbride in an alley.”
He took a deep breath before he continued. “She waved at him from the sideline. It bothered me, I wasn’t even sure why, she was a nice enough girl. I actually went on a date with her later, though she didn’t really like me. That doesn’t really matter though. I wouldn’t have done anything, but Bucky waved back. I leaned over and kissed him on the lips when he turned back to finish making fun of me about being barely able to hold the bat.”
Steve closed his eyes tight, and took another deep breath. Maybe he should leave it like that. It would be a good memory if that was all that had happened. He could feel tears forming in his eyes, and he felt himself gulp hard. “The next thing I remember was Uncle Jack had thrown me over his shoulder, and was hitting me as we walked… Times were different.” He mumbled without wanting to finish the rest of the story.
He found himself hanging his head low, fighting back all the tears. He wasn’t going to tell Tony the rest. It was mainly a blur, his uncle bring him back to his apartment throwing him in his room, the pain from the intense beating, and crawling under his bed frame to escape from everything.
He remembers his mother sobbing in the kitchen, she was afraid of Jack. Bucky had come in through Steve’s window, and slipped his hand under the frame. Steve had taken it softly and squeezed it before slipping his hand away.
Mr. Barnes had been alive and Steve heard him yell at his uncle but wasn’t sure what was being said.
All the pain of that moment, and the intense shame he had felt came flooding back to Steve. Jack had yelled all kinds of hurtful things at him as they had walked. Mainly that he would be a disappointment to his father’s memory, and to society.
Steve could feel the tears flowing freely, and a soft sob escape. He didn’t like being this vulnerable in front of other people, and would hate to know what Tony was going to think.
Steve was trying to form an apology in his head to apologize for this outburst, when he felt a hand rubbing his shoulder.
He looked up through the tears, and realized Bucky had slipped into the lab. Bucky was also sending death glares in Tony’s direction.
“Pepper told me what you were doing,” Bucky was almost a low growl as he said this to Tony.
“He didn’t know.” Steve whispered. He really didn’t want Bucky to kill anyone right now. Bucky had put a lot of that behind him but would be willing to do anything to protect Steve.
Tony didn’t say anything, but just handed Bucky a box of tissues, before walking out of the lab. He had a feeling anything he said would make Bucky attack him.
Bucky pulled a tissue out of the box, and wiped some tears away from Steve’s face.
“This is stupid for me to still be upset,” Steve whispered through his tears.
Bucky knelt down on the floor in front of him. He pulled Steve closer to him into a tight hug. “You can feel however you want.” He kissed the top of Steve’s head.
“I would rather be upset at home,” Steve held his head up, and took a tissue from the box. He blew his nose, and wiped his eyes as quickly as he could with the back of his hand.
Bucky nodded, “Yeah, I am sure after I ran out of Pepper’s office she is going to follow to see what is up. Since I only looked at the questions, and took off running.” He kissed Steve’s nose.
They both stood up.
Steve put his head on Bucky’s shoulder for a second. “I love you.”
“I love you, too, hon. Let's go home."