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Imagine seeing your loved one dying…in front of you.. and you do not have the chance to tell him how you feel. With you being the one who sent them to die.
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The rescue mission was going according to plan. They planted the explosive at the entrance of level five and were waiting for the 47 to come out any second. Just as Clarke was starting to panic, the door burst open and kids started to get out. Raven set the timer, which was going to prevent the Mountain men of following them.
There were 30 seconds left when Clarke noticed certain two people missing.
,,Where are Bellamy and Monty”
,,I don’t know they were just behind me” answered Jasper petrified realizing his best friend is missing.
Just as the timer was about to hit 00:00 Monty stumbled out of the door, but Bellamy was too far behind. Clarke screamed his name when the walls exploded, leaving the last memory of Bellamy Blake seared in her mind whispering ‘I’m sorry’, as the mountain became his grave.
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The next couple of months were tough. Neither Octavia, nor Clarke coped very well with the consequences of saving their friends. They've saved all of them with the cost of the most important one. Everybody was mourning their leader’s death. Octavia blamed Clarke and after one seriously rough night Clarke had a crescent shaped reminder on her right cheek for everything she did wrong (at least is similar to his, she thought). Afterwards, Octavia left Camp Jaha with Lincoln and rest of the Grounders and never returned. Some people visited her from time to time but she never forgave the blond for sacrificing her brother. She never forgave herself either.
When the shock wore off, the delinquents finally realised they were home. There were cries of joy alongside with tears of grief. Families and friends were reunited. And as time passed, people finally were able to hope. For happiness. For peace.
Months rolled over, the camp soon became a village. New families were made. People were happy. They found a place where they belonged. Except for Clarke...
She gave up the Chancellor position to her mother again, refusing to have anything to do with making decisions. Lexa was almost pleading to her to stay at least as an ambassador between the villages, but she refused that too. Now Kane and Abby were trying alone to cope up with the not so strong peace the tribes experienced. Clarke continued to help in the clinic, but she never took hard cases where she might end up forced to take responsibility for someone’s life. She just patched people from time to time and was doing every possible low job she can find in the village.
The nightmares never stopped. She woke herself screaming and crying only to have Raven or Monty, or Jasper and even Harper staying till sunrise to calm her down. Miller understood her pain the best, missing Bellamy almost as she did (after all he was his best friend). That’s why he is the only one she let come with her to her secret place.
That place was the bunker they found before Dax attacked them, where they found out that if even only one person gave you the forgiveness, which you've been seeking, is enough. That was the place they first realised how similar they actually are and how well they can work together.
On the tree where she told him she needed him now was carved in neat handwriting ,,Bellamy Blake, the Rebel King, the savior of us all”.
Clarke and Miller went there almost every day for couple of hours, sitting in the roots of the tree, telling each other stories from different times. Sometimes they both cried, sometimes they laughed at the idiot Bellamy use to be, and from time to time they just sat there in silence, listening to the wind and imagining a little brighter present.
On one of these days as they were sitting in silence Clarke heard something behind her move. They both jumped off their places, Miller pointing a gun to the bush. Just as he was about to shoot, from the leaves came an animal (a dog, Clarke remember from the Ark archives). It was pitch black with curly fur and big brown eyes. Below one of its eyes was a thin pink scar, suspiciously resembling the one on her cheek.
,,What is that thing?” Nathan asked. You could see the fear in his eyes even though the beast didn’t move. It was just watching them. Just as she tried to answer the dog lowered to the ground and started crawling in their direction.
,, A dog. They use to be companions of people before the war” she finally said when the creature stopped in front of her, looking directly in her eyes. Just when she decided to bend over, despite Millers warnings, it went up slowly and licked her face.
,,Looks like it is friendly’’ the blond said, as the dog was now waving his tail enthusiastically and put its muzzle in the crook of her neck.
Nathan watched in fascination when the dog turned in his direction and barked. They both jumped but it continued to wave his tale trying to snuggle between both of them.
,,Okay, we had our fun. Come on, let’s go, it’s getting late. ” Miller said after slowly petting the dogs head. She did the same and started walking behind Miller. Just as she caught up with him she turned around and saw the dog following them.
,, Nate, it’s following us. Should we bring him to camp? ‘’ Clarke asked again patting the black furry.
,,Well, it seems harmless, why not.” said Miller and continued walking sneaking a glance or two at the beast.
The road back to camp took about two hours, in which the dog was following them all the time, looking around the forest as they walked. Just before they entered camp, Clarke turned to Nathan
,, I’ll call him Belly”
Miller looked at her with concern in his eyes.
,,Are you sure? I mean.. you found it, you decide, but the name..
,,He looks like him, you know. At least reminds me of’ him.’’
,,As you wish. Just hope the camp doesn't freaks out.
,,You hear that, Belly, you have to be a good boy and nobody’s gonna shoot you”
,,Are you even sure it’s a boy?’’ Miller mocked her receiving a glare.
The dog barked, taking the two friends by surprise (again) but they end up laughing and shouting to the guards to open the gate.
Okay, at first people did freak out. Some screamed and a guard pointed a gun at it. After all the dog was the size of a small horse with teeth. Just as she shouted to people to calm down, the black fury jumped in front of her, between her and the guard, and started growling with low sound, looking ready to kill.
,,It is protecting her” someone shouted.
Clarke had enough.
,,CALM DOWN FOR FUCK’S SAKE” after the crowed chilled she continued ,,This is a dog, they use to be companions to the people in the old days. We found that one in the woods and it is extremely friendly when you are not pointing a gun at it!”
The crowd started to murmur, but she ignored it.
,,I’m keeping it, I’m feeding it and if someone points a gun at him ever again I’ll point the same one to his head. EVERYBODY GOT IT?” some people nodded, some looked at her with distrust and her friends looked at her with a smile, seeing the ghost of the leader she used to be.
When the crowd separated, everybody returning to their job, Raven came closer. The dog started waving its tale at her and licked her hand.
,,Look, it likes me” Raven jumped with joy in her voice ,,Does it have a name? “
,,Its Belly” Clarke answer simply. Raven looked at her with sympathetic eyes and nodded.
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Soon Belly became the village talisman. The children loved to play with him and he amazed the adults by trying to help in camp bringing huge branches where people were building cabins. One time Raven couldn't find her brace, when out of nowhere Belly came holding it with his teeth. Another time a kid was crying because it couldn't find the wood toy his daddy made for him, when the dog immediately started looking for it coming three minutes later with it, waving tale .
Sometimes you could catch him looking for someone around the village and searching, but after couple of minutes it gives up and continues to run around. Clarke saw him doing it couple of times and couldn't shake the feeling it was looking for Octavia, but then she reminded herself this is not actually him, so she dropped it.
The first night he stayed at camp, he lay down in front of Clarke’s cabin like a guardian. When the nightmares hit she was woke by his barking and a warm weight on her belly. When she opened her eyes she saw him resting his head on her stomach and looking at her with sad eyes. From this day forward he slept beside her bed on a fur put down as his own.
Belly became her one of few and probably the best companions. He laid near her as she worked, joined her when she went for walks and soon she started talking to him like an old friend. She poured her soul, she cried, she laughed and every time he will put his head in her lap just staring at her and waiting for her to calm.
Years have passed. They never found another dog. It was just him and it looked like he came from nothing. Soon his black fur started to show grey spots, his eyes looked a little tired and he became a little slower. He couldn’t run for hours like before but he still tried to help around. Clarke was the same. Her natural blond hair now had some grey strands. There were thin lines beside her eyes and mouth but the same sad look on her face remained through the years.
Her friends started their own families, they had kids and the village was full of laughter. But the ghost of her decisions and the people she lost, kept Clarke from moving on. She never found anyone, never started a family and after months in which her mother and her friends tried to help her move on, they finally gave up and left her decide what was best for her. They all found a place, but she never did. Everybody now had someone else to look after and her only companion was Belly. He never left her. And she couldn’t be more grateful about it. Because she was an outsider, someone completely different from all of them.. Just like him.
So it was not a surprise when the virus hit her. She was the only one wondering around the woods every day with only the dog beside her. The days passed by and she was getting worse. Belly stopped eating and refused to leave her side. Her mother didn’t know what to do and when she turned to the Grounders for help they send a medic. Just with one look he shook his head and explained that the illness is called ,,the white death” because in the final you see only white before you die. There was no cure.
Her mother refused to give up until one day Clarke just put her hand on hers and told her it was okay. Her mother cried the whole night. The next day all the people she cared about were around her bed crying. She just smiled and spoke with everyone, one by one. At the end she gave them one final order, through tears in her eyes but still smiling, to get the hell out and live the happy life they deserved.
They left till there was only her and the beast.
,,Okay Belly, now I think is time for us to go visit someone”
With the last of her strength she got up from the bed, dressed in the newest of clothes she had and with a stick in her hand and Belly at the other side helping her, she began walking through the woods.
She finally arrived beside their tree and sat down. Belly put his head in her lap as always and she started talking.
,,You know, you know, sweetie, I always told you who are you named after. The brave man that had saved all of us. He was an amazing person, but God, he was frustrating. He always challenged me and he never did what I said. But he cared for me and for his sister so deeply. And I let him go, Belly”
she was now crying...
,,I let him go to that goddamn mountain and I never told him how much he mend to me, how much I loved him. He died and I didn’t have the chance to even kiss him, to hug him even for one last time. I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye. And I miss him. God I missed him every single day for the last 10 years. And you remind me so much of him. And at least…at least I hope that he is somewhere watching, knowing that I loved him with all my heart and I never stopped. ‘’
Couple of minutes passed.
,,Belly?” she touch his head to know if he is still there ,,I see only white now, I think the end is coming. You know, I hope to see him again now. I really do. Thank you for being there for me my old friend. You are the only thing other than him that I loved with all my heart…”
And with that she closed her eyes and she never opened them again...
Heartbreaking howl tore the night. After that, nobody ever saw Belly again.