Chapter Text
Ellen hid behind her locker door and watched Mia from across the hall. She watched as her new boyfriend, Sam Conte, Bremin High’s golden boy, hung his arm around her shoulders. She watched as she looked up at Sam, who was too invested in conversation to notice and gave him a warm smile. A smile that used to be reserved for her. Ellen felt an angry fire burn in her chest. She gripped her locker door, trying to keep the burning at bay. It has been a year, it shouldn’t matter anymore. But it did. And Ellen hated it. She hated the jealousy and how dirty it made her feel. She hated how Mia was happy with someone else but most of all, she hated how she still loved her. Love wasn’t something that came naturally to Ellen, never had been, but once she felt it it wasn't so easily lost. And now she was suffering with it.
“Hey,” a voice behind her said, “spying on Mia again?”
Ellen tensed and quickly turned to find Felix offering an empathetic smile. He knew how she was feeling. Felix and Sam “tuned”, as he called it, just a few months prior. They’d gone on a few dates and even shared a few kisses in empty classrooms. Felix never told Ellen what went wrong but something had and now they didn’t as much as meet eyes in the halls.
“I told you to stop sneaking up on me,” she relaxed and crossed her arms, “and I wasn’t spying.’
“I didn’t, you were too busy trying to break your locker you didn’t notice I was here.” She lightly punched his arm and he laughed. “Come on, let's go to class.”
Ellen looked back at Mia. Her head was now resting on Sam’s shoulder. That same ugly feeling returned and she bit down on her tongue trying to suppress it. Mia’s eyes moved away from Sam’s friend and met Ellen’s. She gave her a sad smile paired with a half-hearted wave. The jealousy raging in Ellen turned into a tight ache attempting to split her heart in two. She turned her back to Mia and looked back up at Felix.
“Let’s go,” she mumbled, grabbing his forearm and pulling him in the opposite direction of Mia and Sam’s friends.
---
Ellen found herself looking at Mia again. Mr Bates was talking about the class field trip taking place tomorrow. His voice seemed to fade away into a quiet, droning buzz. It didn’t matter, not when Sam still had his arm around Mia’s shoulders, his fingers playing with her hair. Ellen couldn’t see his face but there was no doubt it had a dumb smirk plastered to it.
Mia seemed so comfortable with Sam’s touch, something she’d never been with Ellen. Whenever they’d done something as little as held hands under the desk, Mia would be on edge. Ellen assumed it was because she didn’t like PDA but now, it was easy to tell that wasn’t the case. Sam kept leaning over and whispering in her ear, kissing her cheek, running his fingers through her hair, and she didn’t care at all.
She couldn’t like Sam Conte. Of course not. Sure he’s pretty, but he’s a complete airhead. He wears stupid caps, is always on his stupid skateboard and makes stupid jokes but somehow, he managed to bag the smartest and most gorgeous person in all of Bremin.
“What does she see in him?” Ellen whispered.
“You mean Sam?” Felix frowned.
“Who else would I be talking about?”
“Are you forgetting that--”
“Felix and Ellen, is there something you two would like to share with the rest of the class?” Bates interrupted.
“No, sir,” she muttered.
“As I was saying,” Bates continued, “make sure you get your permission slips signed for tomorrow or else you will be put with another class for the day.”
The bell rang and everyone immediately began exiting. Bates called after the class, insisting he wasn’t done talking. They all left anyway, sick of hearing him speak. Ellen watched Mia leave the classroom, intertwining her fingers with Sam’s. She looked up at Felix who was watching them too. She remembered what she’d said and immediately felt bad. Whatever Mia saw in Sam, he saw it too. And it was hurting him just as much.
“Come on,” Ellen said, trying to distract him, “we have to get to drama.”
---
The walk home was quiet. Felix and Ellen were practically neighbours and lived considerably close to Bremin High, they always walked together instead of catching the bus. Felix hadn’t said much to her since Bates’ class. She knew what she said was insensitive, she just didn’t know how to go about apologising, he wasn’t the most open of people. Especially when it came to love, just like her.
“Felix-”
“Can we not talk, please?”
She bit the inside of her cheek, “I just wanted to-”
“Ellen,” he deflated, “not now.”
Ellen tried to meet his eyes to get him to at least see how sorry she was. He wouldn’t look at her, looking everywhere else but. She sank into herself and looked at her feet. “Okay.”
They continued to walk in silence. When they made it to Felix’s house, he said a quiet goodbye and left without another word. Ellen watched him, something she found herself doing a lot lately. While she didn’t know what had happened between him and Sam, she recognised the pain he was in. A part of her wished Sam didn’t exist because maybe then neither of them would hurt. It was an awful wish, and she knew it. But she couldn’t help it. He seemed to ruin everything, she wanted him to disappear.
But a girl can only hope.
Right?