Work Text:
The concept had been explained to him, minimally, but explained.
The haircut itself was really just a simple trim, which he appreciated. Seungmin was not experimental by nature, in fact, he thrived off routine. He was grateful that no one had ever suggested that he grow his hair out, or dye it bright blue, that wouldn’t suit him. In fact, if he was being honest he liked his hair best black, or dark brown, something that looked natural.
Today of course it had been decided that he was going to change things up. The stylist explained it to him excitedly, practically bouncing on the heels of her sneakers. “It’s going to be perfect for the new video,” she said, showing him images on her phone of the styling and colour that had been chosen for him.
Now, of course, if Seungmin really hated it he could have objected. It was after all his hair. But at the same time that felt a little rude. There was vision for the new album, and visuals were a significant part of that. Their hair styles and hair colours were all coordinated against each other, and if he said a definitive no to this, then that might change what they were planning for everyone else. Not to mention the fact that it was just hair. If he didn't like it, it could be changed back as soon as they done shooting the video. It wasn’t a long term commitment like a piercing or a tattoo. And he was a professional idol, this kind of thing was expected.
Seungmin looked through the images she showed him politely.
It wasn’t so bad. She wanted to dye his hair a coppery reddish tone, not too bright, and the cut was barely changing at all. “What do you think?” she asked as she gestured for him to sit on her high chair in front of the mirror.
“Nice,” Seungmin forced himself to say.
She grinned back at him. “Alright, I’ll get started then.”
She worked quietly so he put his earbuds in, closing his eyes as she washed his hair with her delicate fingers and then began bleaching it. The smell always made his stomach turn, it was sharp and chemically, and didn’t smell at all like something you should put on your scalp, but he bore with it, humming along to his favorite song and trying to feel relaxed despite his apprehension.
When the bleach was set in she left to take a call and Seungmin played a game on his phone. He tried not to look at his reflection - he didn’t want to see his hair turn white, or the crinkley cheap plastic that covered it. That would make him more anxious, which was the last thing he needed. After a couple of games he changed over to watching some of his favorite music videos on Youtube, taking note of the choreography, and the expressions, finding inspiration in the work of his peers.
His mind slowly drifted towards the music video they would start filming in a couple of days and he almost didn’t notice when the stylist entered the room again. “45 minutes, you’re all ready!” she said in a sing-song voice as she carefully took the plastic off his head and wheeled him over to the sink.
The smell of the bleach filled his nostrils again as she carefully washed it off his hair and then dried it. He was facing a mirror and it was impossible to ignore the stranger that gazed back at him. His hair was white blonde. It looked all wrong. He felt like a bad-edit of himself. He wanted to run his fingers through it and confirm that it was really attached to him, but he didn’t want to interfere with her work.
She moved around him, the hair dryer blowing against the side of his head. He always hated how he looked with bleached hair. He had no idea how people like Felix did this so often. But then again it looked good on Felix, while on him… he scrutinized his reflection. Maybe it looked bad because he was so uncomfortable with it. Half of show business was confidence after all. But even knowing this, he could not get himself to fake confidence about his bleached head.
When it was dry she brought out the reddish mixture and began coating his hair with it thoroughly. She worked in small sections, making sure that every hair was covered. He glanced nervously down at his phone again. There was still a long time to wait so he started playing another game.
The waiting was always the worst part. It seemed to drag on and on. Dully he wondered if his phone battery would even survive through the process.
She was finishing the back of his head when the door opened and Felix peaked in. “Hey, hey, Seungmin,” he said. “Looking good.”
Seungmin made a non-committal sound. He didn’t want to insult the stylist, but he did not feel like he looked good, especially as most of his head was covered in tinfoil.
Felix came forward and took the empty seat beside him. “We’re starting the choreo without you.”
He gave a groan. He wasn’t the fastest to pick up choreography in the first place and now the others were getting a head start. “Not fair,” he complained.
“It’s really fun actually, I like it a lot,” said Felix and he hopped off the chair and began showing him. He was wearing a loose shirt and sweatpants, but even so his body looked lithe and his movements well controlled. He demonstrated a short part of the choreo, moving quickly, his body already adjusting to the demands of the new dance.
“You look good.”
Felix beamed at him. A full sunshine smile. “We’re starting the real work tomorrow, this was just a taste cause a few of us had extra time.”
The stylist took a step away and looked him over, admiring her work. “I think you’re all done, so I’ll be back in an hour.”
“Thank you,” said Seungmin politely as she began collecting her bottles and mixtures.
Felix hopped back on his seat and pushed it as close to Seungmin as possible. Now that he saw him more closely Seungmin could see that he was tired. He had probably been practicing this whole time while Seungmin sat on his ass. He was bare face today today, and as he told him all about the practice Seungmin had the distinct impression that he had stopped by only to keep him entertained.
He went off about Changbin struggling to get the choreo, and Lee Know explaining how a particularly difficult move was supposed to go. And then a loud bickering match that had taken place between Hyunjin and Han that had ended with Han throwing a towel at him, but that Hyunjin had ducked so it had hit I.N instead. He spoke mostly in Korean, although every so often he would break out into natural English, almost unconsciously, as if he did not quite realize that he was switching between the two.
Seungmin grinned as he talked, remembering a time when it had been much harder for Felix to communicate in Korean. Back in the early days he often couldn’t find the word he wanted, or had to ask how it was pronounced. It was a real testament to how hard Felix had worked than in the span of a few years he had improved so much despite how busy they had all been.
“I forgot to ask what’s your hair going to be like?” he said, turning his attention to the thing that Seungmin was trying so hard to ignore.
“Mmh,” he turned and looked at his reflection. “Reddish, like a coppery brown.”
“Oh that’s going to look good,” said Felix. “I’m staying blonde,” he added.
Seugmin laughed. “You’re always blonde.”
Felix pushed his hair behind his ear and his smile seemed to softened. “I like how it looks.”
“It looks really good.”
“Yeah?” he said, in a way that made Seungmin feel as if his opinion actually mattered to him.
“For sure. I think out of everyone you look the best as a blonde.”
“Me? Nah!” he said in English. “I think Hyunjin or Jisung.”
They continued talking about hair and hairstyles. Felix only left when the stylist came back to take the dye off, telling him he would be waiting for him with cookies back at the dorm.
As she washed out his hair again Seungmin felt relief. The worst part was over now, there would be no more bleach and no more waiting around. If he liked this hair he could probably get away with going a full month without doing anything else to it. And if not - well he could change it after the video.
He purposely avoided looking at his reflection when it was wet because he had learned that just made him more anxious. No one’s freshly dyed hair looked good wet so he didn't look up until the hair dryer had been pointing at him for a bit. “It's a bit redder than we were going for,” said the stylist, as the hot rush of hair attacked his left ear. “But that’s just going to make you pop,” she said with confidence.
Seungmin was trying desperately to keep his face neutral but it was difficult. He hated it. Absolutely hated it. It was not copper at all. It was a bright ghastly cherry red, disturbingly reminiscent of the shade that Bangchan had worn during Back Door.
“Do you like it?” she said as she studied his expression in the mirror.
“Mmm.” On the one hand he really truly hated it. On the other hand, fixing this would require more hair dye, and more sitting in this chair with those awful chemical smells. It also meant that he would miss more choreo time. “Do you think it looks good?”
“Yeah! It really fits your face shape,” she said. “And you’re wearing black for the video so it won’t clash.”
“Okay,” he said with a small shrug. “I like it then,” he added.
She finished drying him off, and as if sensing his lack of confidence told him again how good it looked.
Seungmin could not bring himself to lie again so he thanked her for her time and work, and made sure to smile and bow as she headed out of the room with her equipment. When he was alone he looked back at his reflection. He shifted in front of it, tilting his head, squaring his jaw, seeing if there was an angle that made him hate it a little less.
He whipped out his phone and started taking selfies, using a light filter on his face to make it look like he was wearing makeup. He frowned down at the images he saw, willing himself to just accept the fact that for a little while this was what he looked like. Doing things you sometimes didn’t want to came with the job. It wasn’t his place to complain about it. In fact Seungmin was incredibly privileged to be in this position, there were millions who would kill for his job, bad hairdo included.
Sliding his phone back into the back pockets of his jeans he opened the door and peeked down the long narrow hallway. It was almost 9 o’clock and the JYP headquarters was quiet. He could hear what sounded like a TV somewhere, but there was no sound of stomping, or creaking, which meant that the choreo rooms were likely empty but he headed down in that direction regardless.
He peeked into three empty rooms, spotting nothing other than a discarded sweatshirt in the corner. Everyone else was probably at the dormitory by now, he thought as he began heading down the staircase into the lower floors. Seungmin would have kept going, except he spotted his reflection in one of the windows. He stopped in his tracks, his eyes immediately going to his red hair. The colour really stood out against his pale skin. He ran his fingers through it, smoothing it down on the sides, but that did nothing to make it less ostentatious.
He realized suddenly that he couldn’t leave the building like this. His new hair was a secret and he needed to cover it up. Seungmin had actually brought a hat for this very purpose, but he had left it in the salon room. Swiftly he turned back, his footsteps echoing in the empty corridor.
He was not looking forward to going back to the dorms. He didn’t want the other boys seeing him like this. He groaned and stepped into one of the choreo rooms again. It was childish to be this upset about hair, but he needed a moment to gather himself. He switched on the lights in the room, and found his reflection staring back at him from one of the full body mirrors.
Seungmin groaned, pulling the hat tight over his head. The room always felt so big when you were alone. He crossed it, his sneakers squeaking against the floorboards. They would probably be here every day until the video was filmed, getting the choreo perfect. He thought back to the movements that Felix had done and tried to imitate them but got lost half way through. There would be time for that tomorrow, he assured himself.
Against one of the walls of the room there was a long wardrobe that they usually used to store sweaters or work out bags, now Seungmin found himself moving towards it. When he had been a little kid he had loved hiding in small dark places. It was nice to escape from his mother and sister’s constant bickering, and his father’s excessive yelling each time his soccer team lost a match. But even when the rest of the house was quiet, Seungmin found himself hiding away, retreating with his sister’s ipod, and one of his little notebooks. He found solace there in the dark, playing music, and writing down the lyrics so that he could memorize them later. Inevitably his sister would come and snatch her ipod away, leaving him to hum over the lyrics in the dark.
Now he found himself opening the wardrobe door and sliding inside before closing it completely. There was a thin sliver between the doors, where the lights of the room appeared golden, but otherwise it was dark. He sat down against one side, his legs pushed up so that his knees touched his chest. He rested his chin on them, closing his eyes.
He thought of pulling his phone out of his pocket and reliving old times by finding some of the artists his sister had loved but he didn’t really feel like it. Instead he shut his eyes and tried to rationalise with himself. Hair was just hair, and hair was not a big deal, it could be changed in a couple of hours. Besides, this hair was not even that bad. He snorted as he thought back to some of Stray Kids' worst hair moments, of which Bangchan’s broccoli hair was probably number one. In fact in comparison to that Seungmin actually looked quite good.
This thought relaxed him somehow. He stretched out his legs in front of him, and leaned fully against the wardrobe, reclining his head back. Why was being in a space like this so comfortable? It reminded him of those pod hotels that existed in Japan and New York City. He had always wanted to go to one, to be safe within a constricting but cozy little space, with bedding and a nice lamp. There was just something comforting about such spaces.
In the future when he got his own place he didn’t want anything big or fancy. A small apartment would do, and maybe he could arrange to have a tiny bedroom like in a pod hotel. The only thing he really needed was some shelving for his books and journals, and of course an outlet to charge his cellphone. His thoughts drifted on how he would arrange and decorate this sort of room. A while passed, fifteen minutes, maybe twenty, and Seungmin was just thinking of getting up when he heard a noise.
The sound startled him and he turned quickly to the opening between the wardrobe doors, banging his shoulder against one of them and making a noise of his own.
“Someone here?” came a voice.
Seungmin's heart sank… it was Bangchan. Usually seeing the leader of his group would not have been a bad thing. But meeting him while Seungmin was hiding in a closet because his hair looked bad was a little embarrassing. He remained silent, hoping that he would leave of his own accord. Through the crack Seungmin could see him, dressed all in black and standing in the doorway peering in.
“Hello?” He took several steps into the room, staring straight at the wardrobe.
Seungmin wanted to remain quiet and hidden, but when he tried to bring his legs up to his chest again he made another sound. Outside the wardrobe Bangchan cocked his head and looked genuinely concerned, pulling out a cellphone from his pocket. Fearing that he was about to call security or something, Seungmin called out to him: “Hi,” in English.
“Seungmin?” said Bangchan.
“Yeah...” he said in a somewhat defeated voice.
Bangchan laughed as he walked towards him. “What are you doing in there?”
Seungmin gave a groan. It was way too embarrassing talking about this. “Mmm…”
“You alright?” said Bangchan and Seungmin was touched by the concern in his voice.
“Yeah, I’m good,” he said in what he hoped was a convincing voice.
Bangchan knelt down by the wardrobe. He was about a foot away and through the crack Seungmin could see his face clearly. He was in his usual black hoodie, and his face was bare which always made him look softer, younger, especially around the eyes. “What’s going on?”
Despite himself he let out a long sigh. On the one hand he didn’t wanna come across like a big baby who shut himself up in a closet because he thought his hair looked stupid. On the other hand he had no idea what other excuse he could make. “I got my hair dyed today.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“It's - a new look-” he said trying to his voice even.
“You hate it,” said Bangchan.
“I don’t!” he retorted but his voice was a pitch higher than usual.
“You really hate it-” said Bangchan with a laugh.
Seungmin sighed. It was pathetic being so easily seen through.
“Oh, come on, it can’t be that bad,” said Bangchan in English.
“It’s,” he tried to think of an appropriate description. “Red.”
“I’ve been there.”
“Cherry red.”
“Yep,” said Bangchan with a sympathetic nod. “I’m sure you still look very handsome.”
Seungmin scuffed.
“No, I’m serious, there’s no hair colour in the world ugly enough to make you look bad.”
“Lies.”
“Would I lie to you? Come on, you're beautiful.”
He had the urge to open the wardrobe really fast and hit him on the side of the head with the door. “Why are you so annoying?”
“Cause I love you Seungmin.”
He gave an involuntary laugh. “You’re the worst, go away!”
“No, I wanna see, open up,” said Bangchan, putting his hand on the handle.
Seungmin groaned. “Leave me alone!”
“I want to see your cherry hair,” he said in a whiny voice.
“Why do you sound like you’re three years old?”
“You’re the one hiding in a closet bro.” He spoke in English again, and for half a second Seungmin wondered if Bangchan switched languages on purpose for his words to contain a double meaning. He stared at him through the gap but there was nothing suspicious about his expression.
“You can’t laugh,” he said finally.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” said Bangchan, taking a step back to allow Seungmin to come out.
He pushed open the door and stood up. It was better to rip off the bandaid all at once, so he took off his face mask and hat in one gesture, holding them uselessly in his hand as he avoided Bangchan’s gaze.
“You look good.”
“Bullshit.”
“No really, you suit it, you look much better than I did.”
Seungmin threw his hat at Bangchan, but he ducked in time, laughing as it hit the floor behind him. “I’m not messing with you, really it looks good.”
“I don’t believe you.” He was aware that he was being extra dramatic, but it was hard not to when Bangchan was making this a whole thing.
The leader put his hands on either of Seungmin’s shoulders and tilted his body so that he was looking at himself in the mirror, Bangchan behind him. His red hair was extra bright and flashy under the lights, the one spot of colour between their neutral clothing and the blandness of the room. “It’ll look really good in the video.”
“You think so?”
“For sure!” Bangchan squeezed his shoulders. “I always knew you were a cherry at heart.”
Seungmin smacked Bangchan’s chest with his face mask causing the other to laugh. “Running out of things to throw at me aren’t you?”
“I can find more.”
Bangchan leaned down and scooped up Seungmin’s fallen hat, handing it back to him. “Here’s your ammunition.”
Seungmin grinned at him. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” Bangchan threw his arm around his shoulders. “Head back to the dorms together?”
“Only if you promise not to call me cherry again, I don’t want Minho getting any ideas.”
“Alright, alright.”
Seungmin put his hat back on as they climbed down the stairs together, their movements extra loud against the silence of the rest of the building. In the lobby Seungmin greeted the security guard while Bangchan ordered an uber to take them home.
It was raining outside, light fresh rain and Seungmin stood by the doors of the building watching it pour down on the street.
When the car pulled up Bangchan seemed to draw an umbrella out of nowhere, and he pulled Seungmin close to him as they headed towards the car and let him get in first, and then sitting rather close to him, in the middle seat rather than the window.
“Have you seen the new choreo yet?”
“Yeah Felix showed me part of it.”
“Oh, is that what he went off to do,” said Bangchan with the same indulgent tone he always used when he spoke about Felix.
They chatted and Seungmin was feeling quite good as they drove back to the dorm. It was comfortable having Bangchan with him, he was a good distraction. It wasn’t until the last few blocks that his hair anxiety began coming back.
It wasn’t even so much the hair now, he had come to terms with that, he just didn’t want others to see how much he hated it, or how much he had let it affect his mood.
Perhaps Bangchan sensed this because he asked: “Something on your mind?”
Seungmin shook his head, but Bangchan being Bangchan didn't let it go and began pressing against him, trying to tickle him. “Tell me.”
“Nothing,” said Seungmin crossly.
Bangchan pulled away and surveyed him. “I’ll tell you a thousand times if I have to: you look good.”
He huffed with exasperation, of course Bangchan would say that he never missed a chance to compliment someone. He pushed him back playfully. “I just don’t want to make a big deal out of it, it’s just hair.”
“Okay, we won’t make a big deal.”
When they arrived at the dorm Bangchan led the way up to their floor. They took off their shoes in the entrance, and Seungmin removed his mask as well. He put his hand to take off his hat and then hesitated.
“Do it,” said Bangchan quietly. “Get it over with.”
He took off the hand and shoved it in the pocket of his sweater. They entered the main room to see a busy scene. I.N was shouting cooking instructions as Lee Know stirred something on the stove top, and Han and Hyunjin were giggling and shrieking as they played a video game, while Felix and Changbin were watching a video on a table together, the music coming across faintly against all the other noises.
“You’re early,” said I.N, staring at Bangchan rather than Seungmin.
At his words Felix looked up and his mouth opened. “Your hair!” he said excitedly, getting up from his chair to look over Seungmin. Several of the others looked back to see what Felix was referring to, but before it could turn into the conversation topic Bangchan interjected:
“I have a new sample to show, and lyrics, or part of lyrics,” he glanced purposefully over at Changbin. “I want your opinion.”
He pulled out his phone and played the sample of what he had recorded during the afternoon while I.N, Changbin and Lee Know listened. Seugmin tried to focus on the music too, despite the fact that Felix was still staring.
“It looks good,” he said in English, putting his arms around Seungmin and hugging him tight.
Seugmin didn’t always like skinship but Felix’s hugs never failed to make him feel better. He just always seemed to put his whole heart into it. When he pulled away he smiled at him and Seungmin instantly felt better. And just like that the whole reveal was over.
Lee Know finished cooking and began serving the food. I.N was tasked with pulling Hyunjin and Han away from the game so that they could all eat. While Changbin and Bangchan were busy talking about the new song.
And outside of Hyunjin saying. “Nice hair!” when he came over no one else mentioned it the rest of the night and Seungmin couldn’t have been more grateful.
After eating Bangchan got ready to go back to JYP, and while he put on his shoes Seungmin walked over to him. “Thanks,” he said quietly
Bangchan gave him a warm smile. “No problem Cherry.”
Seungmin hissed. “You promised not to say that!”
Bangchan broke out in laughter. “That was the last time, I promise.”