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English
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Published:
2021-09-13
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275
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1/1
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304
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drop me in the desert, drown me in the ocean

Summary:

don’t wanna lose you.

Jackie wonders why neither one of them is dead.

Notes:

wrote this the day before chapter six came out, was working up the nerve to post it and then bam! pain
yeah so this takes place sometime before the series of events that emotionally broke me <3<3<3
title from derivakats don’t wanna lose you

Work Text:

Jackie knows Ran is trying to kill him.

He’s not naive, however lighthearted he is- and he’s lived plenty of his life on the run. Takes an assassin to recognize an assassin, and there’s no way Ran is just here to help.

So why is he still alive?

Him- and Ran. Why- why are they both still here? If it was anyone else, Jackie would have killed them before they got the chance to do it first- he’s done it before, he’s easily better than him at hand-to-hand combat! But- it’s not anyone else.

It’s Ran, his second in command, his friend, his-

He’s not sure. What do you call a friend who you hold hands with, and call handsome and cute, and trust with your secrets, and- what do you call a friend who gets all green and awkward and nervous when you do any of that

Whatever it is, Jackie cannot lose it.

He can’t lose Ran.

So instead of stabbing him, Jackie dreams.

Maybe if he looks the other way long enough, he can ignore it. The calculating glances. The near-imperceptible taste of poison in his drink. The hand always in a pocket. Maybe he can convince himself that it’s okay. That they’ll find the kids, and train their army together, and eat brunch, and- and Ran will wear his hoodie when it’s raining and they’ll hold hands beneath the stars and things will be good.

Every time he suspects another attempt has been made of his life, Jackie once again considers killing Ran and getting it over with.

And every day, he turns and ignores it all.

He can’t lose this.