Work Text:
October 2013
Duncan has never opened a single book in his life. And he knows it, because she explained to him that reading comics isn't like reading books, much less is it useful for learning something. Duncan has never studied, but he's in jail and has a lot of free time, it seems worth taking advantage of it.
If she could see him, she would be proud of him.
Yeah, keep telling you that.
Books are long, heavy, he gets bored quickly, but the clock at the end of the corridor, next to the last cold cell, keeps ticking and he knows that time is running out. He no longer has time to waste time. So he fixes his eyes on those books - English literature, really Duncan? - and he keeps studying.
When he gets out of jail three months later, his mother doesn't want to believe him when he tells her he finally wants to graduate. But at the end of the year, he actually graduates. Perhaps there is hope for him too.
- * - * - * -
1 January 2015
Greetings from Fairbanks! Alaska sucks.
Love ya mom,
D.13 March 2015
Hey! I'm in New York! Best city ever. I'm not in trouble, promise.
Love ya mom,
D.6 July 2015
Happy Birthday Mom!
I'm gonna come home with the next flight, wait for me.
Love ya,
D.9 September 2015
I like Toronto,
Gonna stop here for a while.
Love ya,
D.
For a while became a year, then two. He found many different jobs here and there in the States, but returning to Canada was the best thing he had decided to do in a while. The outskirts of Toronto are quiet. His house is small, but it's the first thing that ever really belonged to him, and he takes care of it. The grass around the driveway is always cut, he tries to keep it clean - he tries, really. He's not sure if he'll be able to take care of a little dog, but he has always liked animals and he wouldn't mind some company - even though DJ is still dealing with his post traumatic stress disorder when it comes to dogs. He visits him from time to time, along with Geoff, they visit him at his tattoo shop in town. The business works.
If she could see him, she would be proud of him.
Yeah, keep telling you that.
- * - * - * -
November 2018
The boys join him in the city in mid-November. It's fucking cold. Why they insisted so much is still a mystery; Duncan has avoided the tabloids like the plague ever since he got out of prison. He couldn't... But it was another story, for another moment. He probably would have talked to his therapist about it. He has reached the city center and is now sitting in a pub, a beer in his hands and Geoff, Owen, DJ and Trent sitting next to him. The first smiles, has that usual expression of one who is about to drop a bomb on the table, in front of all of them.
"Well guys," he begins. He lifts his mug and winks. "I asked Bridgette to marry me, and she said yes."
Owen is ecstatic! Never seen so happy. DJ wipes tears of emotion, Trent orders another round of beers to celebrate. Duncan... well he doesn't know what to think.
"I need a cigarette" he mumbles and gets up from the table.
Geoff is about to marry Bridgette. The cigarette trembles between his lips when he thinks about it. A big happy family, a beach in Malibu, a sporting goods store, surf lessons. A happy fucking family. Duncan was never one for happy family; parked in his driveway there is an old Harley that he never dared to sell despite her leaving him by foot too many times - because that's the one they went out with, and they were happy together, for a while - his chest is studded with tattoos, on his right hip he has a tattooed a Wawanakwa skull - the one with their initials, although she will never see it. And under his bed there's still the box where he kept all her damn post-its. And in his closet there's that shirt she wore to sleep at his house that time, and it still smells like her because he never dared to touch it. And his heart is broken in half because Geoff has Bridgette and he is a jerk who has screwed up the love of his life because...
... because you're a coward, Duncan. And if she could see you, she would be ashamed of you. Yes, keep that in mind.
- * - * - * -
It turns out that Courtney is in Toronto too. North suburb of the city, number 45 George's Street. Duncan had to beg Geoff like an idiot to get the address - the phone number seemed stupid, she wouldn't answer anyway - and he drove there at six in the afternoon. He waited. And waited. And waited again. It's half past eight now, the sky is dark; it's freezing, but he can't feel any cold.
Bridgette talked to Geoff, and Geoff talked to Duncan, and Duncan learned that Courtney has recently been in town and she's rebuilding a life. Total Drama hasn't been of much help to her career ambitions, it seems law firms haven't taken her resumes seriously. She now teaches economics and law in a high school, and ensures everyone she is happy even though she never goes out with anyone beyond the few remaining friends from their teenage adventures. It seems so many years have passed...
... yet when he sees her coming, all out of breath across the street, a half-unbuttoned olive coat and a heavy bag full of paperwork, her hair unkempt and her cheeks flushed, he suddenly feels sixteen again and so fucking afraid.
- * - * - * - °°° - * - * - * - °°° - * - * - * -
Courtney loves her life. Every day is the same as the previous one and the same as the next, every morning she writes the shopping list, the list of school commitments, the list of extras to buy and the list of new songs to listen to on Itunes. Her favorite color is still green. And her ambitious advocacy plans have shattered against the harsh reality: she is no different from the other geese who have come out of the reality show, but life has ultimately been kind to her and she has found a good job in a big city. At least in Canada there is health care.
Since she's in Toronto, she goes out with Bridgette a lot and - strangely - with Heather too. It makes sense after all, Heather is a control freak too. They often laugh about it, make fun of each other, and it's rare on Heather's part, but she seems to have softened since she's with Alejandro... and it's been years, but they're still together. Love changes people. Sometimes it makes them bloom, other times... but Courtney doesn't want to think about how many times she has found herself crying curled up on the bed, trying to put the pieces of her life back together.
And it had never been true that she and Gwen had become friends again. The first thing they did when they got off the show was fight, fight furiously. Eventually Courtney had slammed the door in her face, reminding her of what kind of whore she had been to do this to her on the world stage. Gwen hadn't denied it.
Of him, she has little news, but what she does have is the best she could ever wish for him. He's cleaned up, has a tattoo shop and a small wooden tiny home on the outskirts, which looks like a real gem from the outside - and Courtney knows this because Geoff sent her some photos, she saved them all on her cell phone. He doesn't have a dog because DJ is still afraid of animals - or animals are still afraid of him, anyway. It seems so many years have passed...
...yet, when she crosses the street and sees him in front of her door, their old ramshackle motorcycle parked behind him, the black leather jacket and what remains of the green Mohican on his head, she suddenly feels again sixteen and so very scared.
- * - * - * -
"Hey princess." Princess. No one has called her a princess for years. She keeps looking at him. He smiles, scratches the back of his neck as he usually does when he's nervous. "New hairstyle, huh?"
In the two meters distance that separate them there are five years of silence, a lot of questions and an avalanche of grudges never confessed, and despite this she is unable to divert attention from his shirt. Because Duncan is wearing a green and blue checkered flannel shirt under his leather jacket. "New shirt."
"Oh no" he exclaims. He opens his shirt and shows the white skull underneath. "Same shirt."
"Why are you here, Duncan?" the question is icy and immediate, merciless between her lips. The usual bitchy tone that sets him apart.
His eyes widen, he shrugs and kicks a pebble: taken aback, as she had imagined. "I just - ya know - knew you were in town and dropped by to say hello."
She laughs. Yes, hello, right. She shakes her head with a sad smile and takes the keys from her purse. "Well, hello Duncan. Now if you don't mind..."
"Wanna go out for a drink with me?"
"What?!!"
"You heard me."
She hesitates.
"Come on, Court. How can you refuse?" and he smirks. He fucking smirks. And she feels she can go up in flames with anger. She turns away from him, continues heading home without adding anything, but a strong hand around her wrist stops her. "Okay, listen, I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, whatever, but go out with me - please."
Courtney looks up at the ramshackle motorcycle...
...they are seventeen, they shouldn't be traveling on a motorcycle, yet there are so many things that Courtney Cox would never do alone, but that he manages to convince her to do.
"Come on, princess, won't you tell me you're afraid?" he grins and hands her the helmet.
"Afraid? Pff... I'm not afraid of anything! But I must remind you that this motorcycle has not even been tested by the dealer, and has not been registered by the civil motorization, and..."
He kisses her. He kisses her hard, his tongue caresses her lips and for a moment she feels faint in his arms.
"Get on the bike, honey."
This time Courtney doesn't complain and does as she's told...
Courtney bites her tongue and shakes her head. "No, we won't go out tonight... however you can come inside, if you insist. But keep a safe distance! And don't touch me! Got it?"
Duncan laughs and she hates feeling her heart squeeze in her chest for how much she misses that laugh of him. "Anything for you, princess."
- * - * - * -
Duncan looks comfortable in her living room. He looks around, holds the glass of water she offered him even though he hasn't even taken a sip. It's strange. She is standing in front of him, she doesn't know what to say. Her first instinct was to retrieve the few clothes scattered around and apologize for the mess, but then she remembered that this is Duncan and it would be useless to hide behind some nonsense.
"So, Duncan... What brings you here? To remember the good, old times?"
He smiles, but there is sadness in his eyes. Nostalgia. "They were, weren't they? Good ones, I mean. The best years of my life..."
"I can't say the same." Not for every one of them. She thinks it, but she doesn't say it. The broken expression on his face is bittersweet revenge.
"Listen, princess..."
"Will you stop?!" she explodes "Stop calling me that! You have no right..! You stopped calling me princess six years and eight months ago, and you can't go back now! So tell me why you are here and then go away and stop, stop messing up my life!"
- * - * - * - °°° - * - * - * - °°° - * - * - * -
When Duncan enters Cortuney's house he observes the details without her noticing. There are more clothes scattered around than he would have imagined. There is a pile of unread mail at the entrance, and she still sticks post-its everywhere.
Wednesday, 6 pm
Volunteer kennel
Thursday
Call Bridge and Heather
Saturday, 4 pm
Latin American dance course. Just do it!
She's trying too. The mess, the dance class, the volunteer work... she's trying. Judging by the tone of voice with which she welcomed him into her house, she too still has a long way to go, but resting on the coffee table in the living room there's a business card from the same psychologist he is attending, so maybe they are in the same situation.
Duncan didn't prepare a speech, he took the bike and rode there without a plan, as usual. Yet when she screams, again... Six years and eight months. Six years and eight months. Six years and eight months. She has kept track of time. She has kept it, until then.
"I thought of you too." The words slip from his mouth and she falls silent. "I want to try again, Court. I'm changing, I... I graduated."
She looks down. "I know, Duncan. I know you graduated from high school, that you have a shop in town. Bridgette told me... but this... this doesn't change anything, Duncan. You never even apologized."
This hurts. It hurts because it's true. And he can see it on her face as she tries to hide her gaze, but her ponytail can't cover her tear-filled eyes.
"I'm sorry," he says. He gets up and walks over to her, and when she doesn't walk away he takes her hand and squeezes it, he tries to make her feel every single word in the heartbeat on his wrist. "I'm sorry I cheated on you, I'm sorry I humiliated you like that. I... I was wrong. And you know - you fucking know - it was a mistake, and I never should have, and... she broke up with me 'cause I never stopped, not even for a moment, thinking about you. Never. You tore me apart, Court, you have me ruined for anyone else."
She looks up at him, red in the face, and it's the first time he's seen her cry. Despite the years that have passed, it is the first time. Because she was too stubborn, and too proud, too proud of herself to let him know that she too was imperfect. But now she is trying, and he sees it.
"Why, Duncan? Why did you do it?"
He sighs. "I was scared. I loved you, but you were... you were always miss perfection, you know? Always flawless, always so... manipulative, damn. We were young and stupid, Court, both of us. You were trying to to bring out the best in me, but the wrong way, and I... I hated fighting with you, but when you were being tough, when you were challenging me, when you weren't afraid to face me and you were always at odds with me ... god, I fell in love with you every single time. Gwen was easy. So damn easy, we never fought, but you can't force love. I was mad at you, at myself, and I tried, but it didn't work.. I got it all wrong."
And then she squeezes his hand as he was holding hers. Courtney inhales and nods. "I was a bitch. Sometimes I still am. And I'm so sorry for the way... For all the times I hurt you. But I loved you, and you were enough, you were more than enough to me. I was scared too. I didn't deserve it, not like that."
It is the most sincere and frightening thing he has ever heard her say, and it hurts so much that he wants to tear his heart out of his chest and leave it there on the coffee table, because it has always belonged to her and he is tired of suffering without finding a solution. "Tell me it's not too late, princess."
She starts to breathe again, looks into his eyes and fuck, how immensely he missed that warm caramel of her irises. "It's not too late ... but baby steps, Duncan! I need... we need time."
"Many years have passed."
"Five years, three months and thirteen days, since the last time we've seen each other on the island."
"Control freak."
"Neanderthal."
Duncan takes her face in his hands and gives her the lightest kiss on the lips.
Inside him, fire.
- * - * - * - °°° - * - * - * - °°° - * - * - * -
January 2019
Courtney knows what will happen if she invites him to come inside.
They've been dating for three months, things are going well, they are doing their best and that's what keeps them together. They want to make it work. She doesn't complain about him being late, ten minutes cannot make any difference. He allows her to leave post-its in his house, except in the bathroom. They compromise and it's easier than they ever imagined. But three months went by, and tonight they went out for dinner and he bought her a rose.
Duncan kisses her in front of the door and she knows he won't ask her anything, because he may have been a half-criminal, but at the end of the day he's a good guy and he's just as scared as she is. More than she is, probably.
Courtney smiles. "Do you want to come in for a coffee?"
Duncan lights up. He takes her hand. "Yes... Coffee. I love coffee."
She laughs.
- * - * - * -
His skin is warm, so warm. He's rough. His hands are strong around her waist, he holds her to his chest, she moans. She rubs her crotch on him, they are catching fire under her sheets as he gently pushes inside, unhurriedly, enjoying their moment. Duncan moves her hair with his hand, kisses her neck to stifle a cry, she smiles on his shoulder. She has never been so happy. It feels good, more than good. It is perfect, intense.
"I love you" he whispers. "I love you - oh, god - so much it hurts. I've never... I've never felt... - urgh, princess, oh!" his words die in his mouth when he comes, when they both come together and she cries, cries on his shoulder.
She has never been so happy. "I love you too. I love you."
- * - * - * - °°° - * - * - * - °°° - * - * - * -
November 2019
The boys join him in the city in mid-November. It's fucking cold. Why they took so long is a mystery, but maybe it has something to do with Geoff and Bridgette and their baby on the way. Duncan drove to the city center and is now sitting in a pub, a beer in his hands and Geoff, Owen, DJ and Trent sitting next to him. He smiles, he has that usual expression of one who is about to drop a bomb on the table, in front of all of them.
"Well guys" he begins. He lifts his mug and smiles. "I asked Courtney to marry me, and she said yes."
Owen is ecstatic! Never seen so happy. DJ wipes tears of emotion, Trent orders another round of beers to celebrate. Geoff winks at him.
Duncan no longer has to wonder if she's proud of him. This time, he is pretty sure she is.