Chapter Text
Eijiro tried not to let his hands shake as he and Katsuki got ready for the yearly Hero awards ceremony that night. Katsuki had been nothing but a ball of anxious, angry, stress all week; and Eijiro’s patience was beginning to wear out. He loved the blonde, but when Katsuki became noncommunicative, like he had been lately, it became very difficult for Eijiro who often felt like he couldn’t do anything to help. If it was Eijiro's choice they would just do away with Hero Ranking's entirely, but he knew if he told the blonde that at this point it would get him killed. So instead he tied his shoes and buttoned his vest in silence, trying not to respond to the stress and jealousy radiating off his boyfriend.
The walk out of the apartment was silent, and Eijiro worried that Katsuki might accidentally break the key in the lock; he turned it with such aggressiveness.
They hardly talked in the car on the way to the venue. Katsuki tapped his foot and glared out the window. Eijiro only spoke up after they had parked, the two of them sitting completely still in the car. Neither of them made a move to get out.
"Kats..." Eijiro started, his voice quiet even in the complete silence, "If tonight... If tonight doesn't work out how you want it to- I'll still love you. You don't need to be number one to be perfect to me." he told him with a little upturn of his lips.
Katsuki glanced at him for a moment, before opening his door without a response. Eijiro frowned and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. If Deku became the Number One Hero again this year he was going to be in for a very rough night.
The couple walked towards the V.I.P. area, their recognizable looks helped them to get in without any wait. Katsuki's hands were stuffed deep in his pockets as he walked. Eijiro followed behind him with a similar stress hanging on his shoulders, he threw a nervous wave to Shinso when he saw him.
The purple haired hero waved back as they moved past. Katsuki didn't react, he simply moved to their designated seats and sat down, the chairs legs scraping against the ground. It felt obvious to anyone watching (or at least to Eijiro) that Katsuki’s thoughts were running on overdrive. Eijiro sat down beside him, folding his hands in his lap.
He wasn’t nearly as worried about the rankings as Katsuki was, he was far more concerned for the state of his boyfriends mental health. The obsession, the need to be Number One, it reminded him of... Endeavor. He immediately regretted making the comparison, locking it away quickly to, hopefully, never come back.
The seats around them slowly filled with other heroes, lots of them from different generations and quite a few from their original UA class. They were still on good terms with almost all of their old classmates, despite it having been almost five years since graduation. Eijiro was more than happy to greet any of them he saw, it helped to calm his nerves. It resulted in an ever rotating array of guests at their table … Katsuki interacted with none of them.
"Kiri!" He heard Mina call brightly, bouncing over to greet him despite being four months pregnant. Sero was at her side, waving to both of them happily.
“Meens!” Eijiro shot back excitedly, almost knocking his chair over as he stood up.
Mina beamed, wrapping her arms around him tight. "How have you guys been?" She asked him.
“Pretty good,” Eijiro nodded, mindful of her stomach as he hugged her.
Mina’s smile stayed on her face as she stepped away so Eijiro could hug Sero too. Both of them then glanced down at Katsuki.
"Hey man! You nervous?" Sero asked him. Katsuki scoffed, barely acknowledging them.
Eijiro rubbed the back of his neck. "He’s thinking about the Hero Ratings," he told them both sheepishly.
Sero nodded. “Figured- you’re fighting for first with Midoriya”.
Katsuki stayed completely silent and unresponsive until the couple decided to turn the conversation back to Eijiro. They talked for ten or fifteen minutes before the colorful lights began to dim, signalling them all to return back to their seats. Eijiro whispered a soft goodbye to Mina and Sero before taking his seat beside Katsuki again.
When he glanced over at his boyfriend he saw his expression was contorted, like he might throw up any second. Eijiro opened his mouth to give more reassurance, but didn’t get the chance.
"I'm not going to win..." Katsuki whispered, his tone deadly serious.
Eijiro’s mouth turned to a frown. “Come on- that doesn’t sound like you”.
Katsuki shook his head. "I've run the numbers- and Deku's. I already know what they're going to look like. Unless there was an upset in the popularity polls, he's going to win. I haven't been posting enough on social media lately to warrant that much of a turn over, and I haven't done any interviews-" he rambled aloud to himself.
Eijiro nodded along softly. He’d really been thinking about this. “That’s kinda a silly thing to judge off of though-“ he tried to say.
"It doesn't matter if it's silly! That's how it works!" Katsuki snapped, not caring for his volume.
Eijiro jumped slightly, taken aback by the outburst. He swallowed thickly and nodded, deciding not to test him while he was still on edge
Katsuki turned his attention back to the front of the room without a second thought, Eijiro slumped in his seat and did the same. He watched the announcer walk to the front of the stage, starting up a barrage of claps and cheers-- Katsuki did neither.
-----
The night dragged on for way longer than Eijiro would've liked. He wished they would've just thrown up the top ten heroes on the screen immediately and gotten it over with. But, of course, it didn't work like that. They had to draw it out and make a show of everything, because that’s what the people liked.
He glanced over at Katsuki for the millionth time that night to gauge his emotions. He could tell the blonde was getting antsier by the minute. If this was any other situation Eijiro would've reached for him and tried to calm him down, but he was a bit scared to touch him, to be honest. So, instead, he waited in his chair, shoulders drawn close and stiff. And waited for the announcement of the top 10 heroes to start.
They began from the bottom Ten, Nine, and Eight-- placing Shinso, Denki, and a hero Eijiro didn't know the real name of. Seven and six were filled by some students from Shiketsu, and rank five was Tamaki.
Eijiro suddenly felt very nervous. He knew the top three spots had to be Shoto, Deku, and Katsuki... but Ochako hadn't placed yet either.
Was he really not going to make it on the board?
He held his breath as the fourth place name came out of the envelope.
“Uravity!” The announcer called with vigor, the echoes of the last round of applause picking back up.
Eijiro paled, a feeling like lead dropping into his stomach.
He really hadn't made the Top Ten? ... But he had been seventh just last year.
He bit back his tears. Despite his thoughts on the Hero Rankings it was still rather disheartening to know his hard work had nothing to show for it. He glanced at Katsuki, but the blonde didn't even look his way. He was probably too focused on his own ranking to notice Eijiro’s anxiety.
It’s fine. I can still be happy for him.
He took a deep breath and shook off his disappointment. He wouldn’t stop doing his work as a Hero, saving and protecting others. Whether he got in the Top Ten or not wouldn’t have changed that.
“Shoto!” Eijiro heard suddenly called as the third highest ranked hero. He watched the dual-colored Hero rise from his seat a few rows in front of them as his name rang over the speakers. He seemed calm, or maybe bored. Eijiro could never tell with him.
Now here they were, the next name was gonna be the make or break of the night. Deku or Ground Zero for the Number two spot? Eijiro turned to watch his boyfriend rather than the announcer, praying that maybe by some miracle, just for Katsuki's sake, he could scrape this win.
“And now, coming in at Number 2... Ground Zero!” The announcer roared.
Eijiro didn’t clap, didn’t even dare breathe. He was frozen in his chair, unable to look at his boyfriend. Katsuki had lost to Deku again… for the third year in a row. He only looked at him again when Katsuki stormed past him to the aisle. He only needed that small glance to know he was pissed.
“Kats!” He called worriedly, attempting to speak over the applause. However, the announcement of Deku’s name as Number One drowned him out completely.
The blonde didn’t look back, moving up to the stage. Eijiro sunk down in his seat, filled to the brim with worry, guilt, and disappointment. Not only did he have to deal with not getting in the top ten rankings, but now he had to handle a pissed off boyfriend for the next week.
He took a deep breath in through his nose. This really was a horrible night...
-----
Katsuki didn’t want to deal with any of this crap anymore. He’d considered drinking till the sun came up and it all felt like a bad dream, but he didn’t want to have to stay here any longer. He wanted to go home, now. He needed to go home and write out a plan for next year that wouldn’t leave room for anything but beating Deku, and becoming the Number One Hero. He hadn’t been focusing hard enough.
Deku has freaking one for all.
If he wanted to beat him he couldn’t afford to waste any time. He needed to think of things he could cut out of his life to make more time for hero work. Unnecessary activities, arrangements, relationships-
He froze at the word relationships... realizing what was probably the cause of most of his biggest time wasters.
If he wanted to devote his entire self to being the best, he couldn’t stay with Eijiro. (Later he would look back on this decision with shock but in the moment it seemed like the clearest path forward). He wanted to be number one hero, he had wanted it his entire life, and Eijiro was a distraction.
He’d wait till they got home.
-----
“Well that was a nightmare” Eijiro chuckled weakly as they stepped into the apartment. Katsuki just glared at a spot in front of him, sticking in the entryway. Eijiro glanced back over his shoulder.
“Come on Kats- you’ll get him next year! I know you will!” He encouraged him.
“Yeah- because I’m going to work harder,” Katsuki said, the first thing he’d said all night.
Eijiro nodded proudly, “I know you will.”
Katsuki nodded, suddenly looking Eijiro dead in the eyes, “I’m not going to allow myself to get distracted” Eijiro didn’t like the feeling he got in his chest when Katsuki said that...
“y-yeah. I mean I know- you’re like the most focused guy I know-” Katsuki stepped closer, giving Eijiro a deadpan look that gave him chills.
“Katsuki...?” Eijiro said weakly, reaching for his hands. Katsuki stuffed them in his pockets and sighed.
Eijiro felt his mouth go dry, “Katsuki?” He asked quietly, “you’re scaring me-”
“I can’t afford to be distracted anymore...” Katsuki said again. Eijiro went pale, his hands beginning to shake even as his brain ran circles to understand his boyfriend's comment.
“Yes... I know- I’ll help you- we’ll work harder-“ he tried to say.
Katsuki shook his head, “I have to do this alone.”
Tears were pooling in Eijiros eyes before he even registered them, this couldn’t be happening- “Wh-... what do you mean?” He asked, begging the blonde to give him a different explanation.
Katsuki took a deep breath, “we need to break up”
Eijiros entire world crashed down like a tower of glass, scattering at his feet and cutting his skin. “No ... no no no- Kats- '' Eijiro cried, reaching for him.
Katsuki moved away from his touch, no longer looking him in the eyes, “I'm going to be the number one hero. That means no distractions” Eijiro let out a choked sob, tears pooling down his cheeks as he struggled to breath. This couldn’t be happening, this had to be a nightmare ... Was he just a distraction to Katsuki?
“Katsuki please-“ Eijiro sobbed quietly, “is being the number one hero worth ... worth forgetting about us?” He begged. “Katsuki it’s been seven years, we love each other- that means I put you first above everything” he cried ... “Does that mean anything to you?”
Katsuki glared at the ground, “if you really cared you’d let me do this”
Eijiro felt like he had been slapped in the face. If you really cared? Eijiro remembered countless nights of staying up late through nightmares or anxiety dreams. He remembered massaging Katsuki’s hands after long days of work. He remembered missing out on times with his friends or parents because Katsuki needed him there at the moment. He remembered hundreds upon hundreds of whispered promises that he would love Katsuki forever.
“If I really cared huh?” He questioned furiously, his voice an angry whisper.
Katsuki looked fearful for a moment, but it was quick to be overshadowed, “this is pointless-”
Eijiro felt his anger boil up in his chest. Katsuki didn’t feel the same way he did, that was clear- and on top of that he didn’t seem to care about anything Eijiro had said or done for him for the past seven years.
“Yeah. I think that’s clear now.” He said viciously, moving past him swiftly for his keys and his wallet. Katsuki didn’t make any move to stop him
“Bye Bakugo. I hope you get your dream.” Eijiro said steadily through his tears before slamming the door shut behind him and not looking back.