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“So Mary.” Fred leaned against her open locker door. “You get those pictures developed yet?”
Mary groaned. It was barely 8 am on a Monday morning and the last thing she needed was Fred Andrews giving her a migraine. Not with the debate club having a big competition against Seaside High this week and the upcoming Model UN trip she and Sierra were planning. She didn’t have time to get sucked into whatever nonsense Fred had up his sleeve this week. Especially after hardly getting any sleep this weekend.
“Fred,” the name sat heavy between them and she sighed, “no.”
His brows furrowed. “No you didn’t get them developed yet?”
“No as in ‘no, I don’t have time for you right now.’” With a quick elbow she got Fred off her locker and adjusted her backpack. “So if you don’t mind.”
Fred was never one to take hints or even blatantly delivered messages, so he followed her towards her homeroom. He didn’t have his own backpack with him despite class starting in less than ten minutes. She swore he’d misplace his head if it wasn’t attached to his neck. She could already hear him begging everyone around him for a pencil in second period algebra. Good thing the boy had a fanclub around him at all times prepared to lend him a pencil, a notebook, a textbook, a stick of gum or, hell, even a kidney if he needed one. Fred just lived that kind of charmed life.
“No problemo, Mare.” Fred walked with his hands dug into his pockets. “I can take that camera off your hands then since you clearly have your plate full and don’t have time to go to the Foto Depot or anything.”
“What camera?” Mary asked as they rounded the corner to her homeroom. “I don’t own a camera.”
“The disposable one.” There was a hint of impatience in Fred’s voice that Mary wasn’t used to. “You know, the one you had on Saturday at Hermione’s Sweet Sixteen. It was purple. I borrowed it to take some pictures and then left it back next to your seat.” He grinned broadly. “Sorry, I should have asked. Hey, I’ll even pay for the exposures and give you yours, I don’t -”
“Fred, Fred, Fred.” Mary stopped walking and held a hand up to cut him off. “That camera wasn’t mine.”
The color drained from Fred’s face. “What do you mean? I saw you using it. It was right next to you!”
“Every table had one of those cameras.” Mary would know. She had spent hours helping Hermione paint them purple so they’d match the party’s theme. “Hermione’s parents did it as a way of getting candid shots of the party so they wouldn’t have to hire a photographer.”
Fred’s voice was verging on hysterical. “But there was a photographer!”
“Yeah, but he was there for the professional photos or - geez, Fred, I don’t know!” She did know. She felt like she had had just as much of a hand in planning that party as Hermione’s parents did and she was, quite frankly, glad it was over. “I think Hermione’s sister tossed all the cameras in a bag at the end of the night? Or maybe it was someone from the cheer squad. I think she assigned them all clean up duty. I assume her family was going to get them developed.”
Fred’s hand shot out and grabbed her arm. “Mary, you don’t understand. I need that camera.”
She pried his fingers off with growing annoyance. “So go ask Hermione! What do you want from me?”
“Help?” he asked meekly.
Mary bit down on the inside of her cheek so hard she nearly tasted blood. Fred did look partially down and out about this. Maybe it really was something important. But if she went along with it, if she helped him, would she be any better than those pathetic freshmen who watched him play ball after school every day? Or the sophomores who asked to attend his band practice. She sighed.
“Okay, Fred. Why exactly do you need that camera so bad?”
“Oh, I can’t tell you that. It’s personal.”
She shoved her shoulder against his as hard as she could as she walked into homeroom.
“I mean I just had no idea you could have both a quincea ñ era and a sweet sixteen,” Penelope told Fred in the library during study hall. “And apparently most people don’t but, well,” her eyes darted around the empty aisles. “You know how lavish Hermione can be. I mean her no disrespect but it seems a bit much to have two large birthday parties in back to back years. She mentioned at cheerleading practice the other day that she wants to do a Madonna themed party next year and while that does sound fun -”
Penelope couldn’t help but glance over her shoulder every few seconds even though she was speaking in the proper hushed tone appropriate for the library.
“Anyway,” she continued as Fred listened with undivided attention. She wasn’t used to having someone hang on her every word like this, much less someone with as short of an attention span as Fred Andrews. “I was speaking to Hermione’s sister Terry before the party. I got there early. To be early is to be on time and to be on time is to be late. I heard Hal’s mother say that once and it stuck with me. So Terry - you do know Terry, right?” Fred nodded and Penelope slowed her pace. The last thing she wanted was for Fred to think she was a good for nothing busybody gossip. “Terry tells me that most people wouldn’t dream of having both a quincea ñ era and a sweet sixteen, but Hermione just insisted and threw such a fit about it. Terry was quite annoyed because she only ever had a quincea ñ era and she seems to think her parents are spoiling Hermione by giving into her every whim. Plus Terry was awfully peeved she had to drive two and a half hours home from her university just for a party. Which really upset Hermione because of course she considers her birthday one of the high holidays and she wasn’t thrilled that her own sister wasn’t equally as excited about it.” Penelope let out a long breath. “And then of course I stayed a bit after the party. They were cleaning up and I thought it was only polite to -”
“Help!” Fred said in a voice too loud for the cafeteria, much less the library. Penelope shushed him before someone else could. “You’re always so helpful, Penelope. So like you were helping clean off the tables?”
“Well, not exactly.” Penelope thought. “Mrs. Cooper was there going around asking who wanted a centerpiece because she couldn’t believe Hermione’s mom was just going to leave them there. They were quite beautiful, if you remember - hydrangeas and hollyhocks for Hermione.”
Fred gasped. “I like that. It rhymes. I’ll have to get some for Hermione one day.”
Penelope pulled a face. “That’s alliteration, Fred, not a rhyme. Anyway, I was covering the centerpieces with cellophane wrap and Terry was collecting the cameras and we were making sure no purses or discarded shoes were laying around.”
“So the cameras.” There was a tiny bit of perspiration forming on Fred’s forehead. “Terry went off with them?”
“What?”
“Those disposable cameras! Terry took them?”
“No. No, I don’t believe so. Unless I’m mistaken she handed them off to Mrs. Cooper because I think she wanted to go over to a friend’s house before going back to school on Sunday and she was in a rush to leave.”
“And Mrs. Cooper did what? Did she tell Hermione’s parents she’d get them developed for her? Drop them off at the Foto Depto? What?”
Penelope scowled. “Well honestly, Fred. I haven’t the faintest idea. I just saw Mrs. Cooper take the cloth bag that Terry had put them in and then I went home myself.” She paused. “I was carrying a centerpiece. It looks quite lovely on my windowsill.”
“So you have no idea where the cameras are now?”
Penelope narrowed her eyes. “Fred, what is with the interest in those cameras?”
“I don’t have any interest in them. Who said I did? They’re lying.”
“Fred,” she groaned, “I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe Hal saw his mom take them? I don’t have a - hey!”
But Fred was gone, already running out of the library in search of Hal.
“I’m in trouble, Al.” Fred crashed down on the lunch table across from her. “I am in major trouble.”
Alice had a peanut butter and jelly raised half way to her mouth. She groaned and put it back down on it’s foil wrapper. “On a scale of one to ten?”
“A twelve.”
“Oh, that’s not too bad.” She picked her sandwich back up and took a bite. “You normally say like a hundred or something.”
“Yeah, well I’m working on not exaggerating so much. But this is really bad, Alice. Really, really -”
“My god.” She swallowed her bite of sandwich. “Chill out, Fred. What happened?”
Fred looked around the lunchroom. It was meatloaf Monday and the smell, not quite as enticing as his mom’s but still pretty good, was churning his stomach today.
“At Hermione’s sweet sixteen the other -”
“Bleh.” Alice waved one hand to dismiss Fred as she took another bite of her sandwich. She spoke through a mouthful of peanut butter. “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. I don’t care about your Hermione drama.”
“But -”
“Tell someone who cares!”
“I’m trying to!” Fred growled. “Where’s Hal?”
“Hal doesn’t care about your relationship drama either!”
“Ugh.” Fred crossed his arms over his chest. “Hal may or may not know what happened to those disposable cameras on the tables at the party.”
Alice chewed her next bite very slowly before she asked, “Why?”
“Because Penelope said she saw Mrs. Cooper had them.”
Alice eyed Fred suspiciously. “Why do you need them so bad? What’s on them?”
“I won’t tell you until you promise to help me.”
“Not a chance.”
“Fine.” Fred stood up, hoping Alice would fall for his bluff. “I’ll just find someone else to help me. I think Penelope is looking for a new best friend anyway. I’ll just ask her.”
He turned away and had hardly stepped out of earshot when Alice shouted, “Get back here!”
Fred nearly knocked his chair over when he sat back down. “Glad you see things my way.”
“Tell me what you did first.”
“I didn’t do anything!”
Alice glared. “Fred, you obviously took some incriminating pictures with someone and you don’t want Hermione to see. As if she wasn’t like,” she rolled her eyes, “totally all over Hiram at her party the other day. Let her see some saucy pictures of you and whatever bimbo you got lucky with.”
Fred let out a heavy sigh. “Seriously, Alice. You’ll never let me live it down.”
“That’s true. But I still have to know.” She took another bite. “Pamela? Tayna? Jessica? Janie? Victoria? Sarah Ann?”
Fred shook his hand with each name. “No, no one from the cheer squad.”
Alice looked thoughtful. “Sierra? I thought she had better taste.”
“She does. You know she’s dating Tom. Lucky duck.”
“Damnit, Fred. Just tell me!”
“Alice, come on, you know -”
Fred jumped when the chair next to him scraped against the floor as someone pulled it out. FP sat down, dropping a tray of meatloaf and lumpy mashed potatoes on the table. He hardly gave Fred or Alice a glance before digging in.
“What’s up?” he asked through a full mouth as both of them had stopped talking when he sat down. “Where’ve you been, Freddy? I haven’t seen you all day.”
Fred’s mouth gaped open - a strange sight as Fred Andrews was rarely someone at a loss for words.
“Fred did something stupid at - hey!” Fred kicked Alice under the table with his sneaker and she immediately kicked him right back with her Doc Marten.
“Fuck!” Fred shoved his seat back to nurse his knee.
Alice, satisfied with herself, continued. “Fred took some risque - what?”
Fred was kicking back at Alice violently but all she did was look irritated. She covered her mouth so FP couldn’t see and mouthed, “Is FP the bimbo?”
“Alice!” Fred banged the table with both his hands. “Shut up!”
“I literally didn’t say anything.” She went back to her sandwich, sensing Fred either didn’t want to get too into this in the middle of the high school cafeteria or - more likely - in front of FP. “So how are we going to find these stupid… things? I am not breaking into you-know-who’s house. I mean if we really need to I guess, but I’d prefer not.”
Fred gulped, still recovering from the attack on his knee. His heart looked like it was nearly beating out of his chest. “Well Penelope said Hal’s mom had them, that’s what I wanted to ask him.”
FP looked between them, still chewing with his mouth wide open. “Fred, what the hell are you looking for?”
“Geez, mind your own bee’s wax, FP,” Alice snapped. “If Fred wanted your help -”
“Bee’s wax? Geez?” FP laughed. “You’ve been hanging out with Hal for too long.”
Alice kicked FP this time. “Anyway, I don’t think you should get Hal involved, Fred. He’s got a big mouth.”
FP nodded. “Yeah, we can’t trust him.”
“Hey!” Alice aimed another kick at FP’s knee but he slid his chair away this time and she missed. “That’s my boyfriend you’re talking about!”
“Who’s talking about me?” All three jumped as Hal approached the table smiling. “Unless you’re talking about your other boyfriend, Alice? I mean -,” his face dropped at his own joke, “you don’t have another boyfriend, do you?”
“Jesus Christ,” Alice muttered as Hal sat down next to her. “Relax. Where have you been anyway?”
“I was in the Blue and Gold all day. I told you I need to -”
“Hal, some of us have bigger problems than some school newspaper,” Fred sighed. “No offence.”
Hal didn’t take any offence. “Like what?”
FP covered his mouth and muttered, “Big mouth,” under his breath loud enough for them to hear. Alice glared.
“Fred just wants to keep this as quiet as possible,” she said. “No big deal.”
“That doesn't sound like Fred.” Hal eyed him as he opened his brown paper bag. “Are you sick?”
“He’s fine,” Alice said quickly. “Hey Fred, do you know who I think could help us?” She reached into Hal’s bag and pulled out a ziplock filled with homemade cookies. “Tom Keller.”
“Why - oh. Oh!” Fred pounded the table. “Lets go.”
“Fred, not now!” But he was already halfway across the cafeteria at a run. “Fuck. I better go after him.”
FP grabbed the bag of cookies, helping himself to one. “No, you stay. I’ll take care of Fred.”
Alice glared. “Fred wants my help not yours.”
“Just let him go, Alice,” Hal encouraged. “We have a ton to do in the Blue and Gold office today. I promised -”
“Sorry, babe.” Alice planted a quick kiss on Hal’s cheek as she got up. “I really need to help him.”
“With what? Maybe I can help.”
“No.” Alice nibbled the cookie distractedly. Only Mrs. Cooper would send her son to school with oatmeal raisin cookies. “You’re a big mouth. You’d blab.”
Hal pouted, his voice dropping to a whine. “I am not.”
“You are. You tell me everything.”
“Yeah, I tell you because you’re my girlfriend. I don’t -”
“Don’t even try it. You gossip with Hiram nonstop.” FP snorted at this but Alice ignored him.
“I do not.” Alice raised an eyebrow. “Hiram gossips. I listen.”
“And report everything back to me.”
“I don’t hear you complaining.”
Alice sighed heavily. “Sorry, babe. I need to do this one for Fred on my own. Better you not get involved.” She considered asking him about the cameras and his mom but thinks better of it. On the off chance FP did have something to do with this, it was better not to let him know either. “I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah okay.” Hal pouted. “I'll be in the Blue and Gold after school if you can help - oh.”
Alice was already running off after Fred.
“Hey Hal.” Alice was hardly out the cafeteria door when Hiram slid into her seat, dropping a lunch tray in front of him. Hal had a sneaking suspicion he’d been waiting for half the crowd to leave before he came over. “Where did Acid Queen Alice run off to? Chasing Tweedledee? Tweedledum, you better get on that too.” Hiram laughed at his own joke. “You get it? Because her name was Alice and she chased them? You know? In the book?”
“I -” Hal didn’t know which part to correct first so he just let out a polite chuckle. “Yeah, good one, Hiram.” FP was on his second cookie and didn’t seem to even notice Hiram had sat down. He didn’t seem set on giving Hal back his cookies either.
“Really though,” Hiram eyed the meatloaf on his tray, “why’d they run off in a hurry? What did Andrews do now?”
“Alice wouldn’t tell me,” Hal blurted out before realizing he’d already said too much. FP kicked him hard under the table without even looking at him. Maybe Alice was right about him spilling his guts to Hiram. He changed the subject. “Are you - are you eating school lunch?”
Hiram stiffened, spork halfway to his mouth. “Well I really wanted sushi but our housekeeper didn’t have time to drop off something for me. You’re right though, I shouldn’t be eating this trash.” He pushed his tray over to Hal and took his paper bag. “You have it. I’ll just have your sandwich.”
“Oh, but -” Hiram was already unwrapping Hal’s turkey and swiss and digging in. “Yeah okay.” Hal picked up a spork and poked the soggy meatloaf, absolutely nowhere on level with his mother’s recipe. At this FP did meet Hal’s gaze and rolled his eyes quite dramatically. A lot coming from someone who was polishing off the third cookie they’d stolen from him.
“Prudence could be a gourmet chef, I swear,” Hiram said through a bite. He remembered too late FP was there watching them and wiped his mouth self consciously. “My mother could never make anything like this.”
“It’s just a sandwich,” Hal muttered, poking his meatloaf. Good thing he always kept snacks stored in the newspaper office for emergencies. He’d need them today.
“Well of course she could, but her talents lie elsewhere. Hey,” Hiram glanced around quickly, “you talk to Hermione today?”
Hal swallowed the meatloaf. Maybe it wasn’t the worst meal the school provided. “Yeah, this morning she -”
“I think she’s avoiding me.” Hiram scoffed at FP licking his spork clean even though Hal had seen him discreetly lick mayo off his thumbs seconds ago. “Like we had such a good time at her party the other day and now she’s just avoiding me? I called her twice yesterday and left messages and I still haven’t gotten a call back yet.” Hiram sighed and started rifling through Hal’s lunch bag. “I just don’t get it. She’s so -”
“Wishy washy?” FP tried with a grin. Hiram paused in his rifling to glare.
“Wishy what? No, of course not. She washes all the time.” Hiram shoved Hal’s bag back at him. “No pudding cup? No cookies? Prudence is losing her touch. What am I supposed to do with an apple?” Yet he bit into it anyway.
Hal wished FP would be more discreet about the ziplock bag laying out but no such luck. Hiram chewed slowly.
“Hey. Hey, is that what Andrews is up to?” Hiram yanked out another chunk of apple with his teeth and Hal was appalled to see how bad Hiram’s manners tended to get when he was among those whom he considered the plebian class. “Is he planning some big thing because he’s still mad I was Hermione’s escort and not him? Christ, he is so petty! I can’t help it if her parents like me more! If she likes me more. Well is that it? Spill it, Jones.
FP shoved his chair away from the table. “I have to go see a man about a snake.”
“Wait, FP.” Hal knew it’d be a long shot but he wanted to get this done as quickly as possible. “I was kind of hoping you’d help me after school today. You see -”
“Keller,” Marcus Mason bumped into his shoulder as he ran by, “you have some fans.”
Tom didn’t have fans. Tom had Fred Andrews constantly trying to get his attention. Not just today in the middle of ROTC drills but in the middle of the school day, while he was studying in the library, when he was at Pops with friends, when he was working his part time job at the mall, during the summer when he worked lifeguard duty at the community pool, and even once when he brought Sierra on a date to a place in Greendale. Fred was a nice guy over all but boy could the kid not take a hint.
He’d spotted Fred and Alice standing on the side of the track after his first lap. He’d politely ignore their yelling. On his second lap he’d given them a little wave. Then on his third time around he’d ignored them again, pretending to be really focused on the lines painted on the asphalt.
Marcus was panting. He hated laps. “They’re coming.”
“What?” Tom was sure he’d misheard Marcus through his heavy breathing.
“Behind -”
“Tom!” Fred screamed from behind him as someone else grabbed his arm. He was fully prepared to knock Fred over until he realized Alice was actually the one grabbing him. She had his arm fully twisted around his back before he finally came to a complete halt and she let go.
“I don’t think you saw us.” Fred gestured back towards the fence they’d been standing at. “We were yelling.”
“Fred, I -” Tom covered his face with his hands. “Can’t you see I’m busy? What do you want?”
Fred pouted. Actually pouted. “Are you mad at me, Tom?”
And he hated that he wasn’t. Fred was like a puppy. You couldn’t help but just put up with whatever problems he caused. Tom let his hands fall from his face. “No, Fred. Just - what do you want? I’m kind of in the middle of something here.”
“Well it’s a long story but -”’
“We need you to get some film from your job for us,” Alice interrupted. Alice was whatever the opposite of a puppy was. A snake maybe? He didn’t dislike her exactly but she did frighten him a bit. His arm still throbbed from where she’d nearly gotten him in a hold. “It’s top secret.”
“I - what?”
Alice crossed her arms over her chest. “You work at the photo store at the mall, right?”
“Foto Depot!” Fred added as if Tom may have forgotten the name. He nodded. “Well we need you to check if someone dropped off some disposable cameras yesterday. It’s -”
“I - what?” Tom’s head fell into his hands again and he muttered something incomprehensible.
“What was that, Tom?”
“Fred, I - I’m in the middle of ROTC training.” He gestured to the field. “It’s the middle of the school day. Do you know how many people drop off film there? We’re the only photo place in town. And what? Am I supposed to drop everything and go down there and check if this film is there? Just - I’m sorry, Fred, but no. I can’t help you.”
Fred pouted his lips and for a second Tom thought he actually saw tears about to brim over his eyes. Alice hit his arm.
“Jesus, Tom, don’t be such a bully!” she snapped. “Look at his stupid face. He’d do it for you!”
As much as Tom hates to admit it - and he hates it an awful lot - he knows this is true. Fred’s eyes have expanded from puppy dog to sad toddler begging for a cookie. Tom goans - audibly groans - and shrugs.
“What can I do?”
“Were you working yesterday?” Fred asks, all signs of crying gone. Tom nods. “Okay so Hermione’s sweet sixteen was on Saturday night and she had like fifteen cameras -”
“Sixteen,” Alice corrected. “It was a sweet sixteen, Fred, do you really think that control freak would have only had fifteen tables?”
“Sixteen cameras. Whatever. Anyway they were pink -”
“Purple!”
“Whatever! Geez Alice.” Fred rolled his eyes. “It’s almost like you care. So yeah, Tom. They were probably dropped off by Mrs. Cooper. I guess there’s a chance it was one of Hermione’s parents or maybe even Hermione herself. Did you see Hermione at the mall yesterday? I think she said she had plans but she didn’t tell me what and -”
“Fred, Fred, Fred.” Tom cut him off before Fred dared to get into his dating history with Hermione. “I think I’d remember if anyone dropped off that many disposable cameras. Especially if they were pink.”
“Purple!” Alice hissed.
“Whatever.” Tom didn’t quite get why Alice was even here. “Anyway that’s a big, specific order, Fred. I’d definitely remember if anyone dropped that off.”
“What if they dropped it off today though?” Fred pleaded. “Do you work after school?”
“Not until Wednesday.”
Fred let out a sad little whine. “Could you call and ask someone? Pretend you’re asking for your schedule. Or maybe we could all stop by there together after school?” He brightened. “And maybe you could like grab the one I need just in case they are there?”
“Fred -”
“Tom, please!” Fred grabbed him by each shoulder. “I swear, I’ll owe you my life. I’ll name my first born after you! I’ll do anything! I swear.”
“I have plans after school, Fred.” Tom realized with some annoyance that he was starting to sound as whiny as Fred. “I don’t want to cancel.”
“This won’t take any time at all! I promise!” Fred’s nails dug into him. “It’ll hardly take more time than it takes to drive to the mall. Promise.
Sierra sat in the back of Tom’s car with a forced smile on her face. Fred had called shotgun and she didn’t have the heart to tell him to get bent. He was, as he kept reminding them all, quite distressed.
When Tom told her they were going to have to get a late start on their date to make a pitstop at the mall, she hadn’t been happy but she didn’t fight it. After all, he was doing a favor for Fred Andrews. Wholesome, salt-of-the-earth Fred Andrews who’d give a stranger the shirt off his back without a second thought. Who could ever say no to him?
Although she did wish when Fred mentioned they needed to check something out at the mall he’d mention that he didn’t have a car so Tom would need to drive him to and fro. And Alice would be tagging along. And Fred would insist on stopping for milkshakes at Pops on the way back. His treat, although Sierra kind of doubted that.
Sierra grinned and put up with it though. She already planned on asking Fred to be her running mate for student council next year and she needed to stay on his good side. He wouldn’t make a good vice president by any means but he’d more than guarantee them the popular vote and that would be useful. Plus Mary had already said no. She needed to focus on the other three clubs she ran and wouldn’t be able to do much more than treasurer.
“I’m sorry for making you go through all that, Tom.” Fred reclined the front passenger seat so much Sierra could just see the bridge of his nose. “I can’t believe they’re not there. Who else in town develops pictures? No one. Unless,” he sat straight up, “you don’t think the cameras are in another town? Maybe they’re cheaper to develop in Greendale or -”
“No,” said Tom. It was the first time he’d spoken since they got back in the car.
“Come on, I know you’re loyal to your job,” Fred laughed, “but maybe they had some coupons for the photo place in Greendale. It’s only off the -”
“I mean no, Fred.” Tom kept his eyes fixated on the road. “I did you your favor. Figure the rest out yourself.”
“Maybe we should just break into Hermione’s house afterall,” Alice tried from next to Sierra. “It wouldn’t even be the worst thing we’ve had to do today.”
“Break into -” Sierra shook her head. “Oh no. You two are not breaking in anywhere. Why don’t you guys just ask Hermione for this camera or whatever it is?” She looked between them. “How was that not the first thing you thought of?”
“Sorry, have you met Hermione?” Alice asked. “The second he knows there is some juicy stuff on that film she’ll never give it up.”
“Juicy how?” Sierra couldn’t help herself. She could almost feel Tom’s irritation at her getting too into this. “I mean - come on. I know Hermione can be a little - a little much at times -”
“She had an ice sculpture at her sweet sixteen,” Alice said. “A bit much doesn’t really cut it.”
Tom pulled into the parking lot of Pops. “Okay guys. Out.”
“Hey, you can’t just -”
“Yes I can. Out.” He covered his face with his hands. “Please.”
“Thanks anyway, Tom.” Fred sounded put out. “I know you tried.”
“I did more than try!” Tom sighed. “I literally did what you asked.”
Sierra got out so she could get into the front seat. She gave Fred a pat on the arm.
“Just go talk to Hermione,” she insisted. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”
Fred nodded sadly. The last thing Sierra saw as they pulled out of the lot was Fred stamping his sneakers as Alice pulled him across the asphalt.
Hiram slurped down the last remnants of a chocolate chip cookie dough milkshake. Hermione was busy and Hal had some stupid Blue and Gold nonsense to finish that Hiram had no interest in helping with. He had more than enough extra curriculars - a part time spot on the sad student newspaper wasn’t going to look like squat to NYU.
“Maybe Gladys can help us,” a voice said following the little bell above the door. “I feel like she’d be better at this than you.”
“Excuse you. What does that mean?”
Hiram shoved his milkshake glass away and spun around on his stool. Finally, something interesting. Fred and Alice were walking in, arguing loudly.
“What I mean is you’re just -” Fred paused when he saw Hiram. “Oh great. The last person I want to see.”
“Nice seeing you too, Andrews.” Hiram took some glee in knowing he was making Fred’s day a little harder. Okay, he was taking much glee knowing it. No need to hide that fact. “Still not sorted out your problems? Bummer. Hal told me,” he added at their curious glances. Hal hadn’t known enough to really tell him anything but they didn’t need to know that. Alice scowled.
“Where is Hal?” Fred looked around as if he expected Hal to pop up behind the counter. “He’s my last hope. Well, that or a B&E. And honestly I don’t think my parents will love me getting arrested.”
“Maybe Hermione will find it romantic,” Alice snorted and then covered her mouth when she realized what she said right in front of Hiram. His face broke into a grin.
“You want to break into Hermione’s house? She opened her birthday gifts days ago, no point trying to swap yours out now.” He sat up a little straighter on his stool. “Where did you get that necklace anyway? A box of Cracker Jack?”
“I will have you know that necklace cost me nearly two months of allowance!”
“Oh wow, it must have been the big box of Cracker Jack then.”
Alice grabbed Fred by the elbow. They both knew that comment wasn’t bad enough to get Fred to punch him in the middle of his favorite place in town, but it was still worth a shove and maybe a reprimand from Pop Tate if he saw them.
“Let it go, Fred,” Alice hissed, which Hiram thought was awfully big coming from the girl he’d seen throw fists over pettier comments. “Hal’s probably home. Lets just head over there.”
“Probably not.” Hiram reached over to his glass to see if he could suck a few more morsels of milkshake and whipped cream from it. “If he’s not still at school developing those photos,” he sucked on the straw again, relishing how annoyed both Alice and Fred looked with him, “then he’s probably at Hermione’s dropping them off.”
“Photos?” Alice asked as Fred said, “Hermione?”
Hiram rolled his eyes. How dense could these two be? “Yeah, you know.” He waved a hand. “Mrs. Cooper told Hermione’s parents that Hal would develop all those pictures from her party the other day.” He raised an eyebrow. “Unless Hal didn’t tell you, Alice?”
“Shit shit shit,” Alice chanted. “Damnit. Maybe he did - Fred!”
Fred didn’t stop for her yells. He was halfway across the parking lot before Alice got the good sense to go after him.
Hiram sighed, bored all over again. He wondered what could possibly be on those cameras that Fred wanted to see. Or, should he say, didn’t want everyone else to see. Maybe he should have helped Hal develop them after all.
“It’s about time.” Hermione opened the door to her house before Hal had a chance to knock. She’d heard his car pulling up to the driveway and hurried down the stairs to greet him. “I’ve been waiting all day!”
“It’s not even dinnertime,” Hal muttered as Hermione snatched the box from his arms. “Sorry, there were a lot of them.”
“Well of course there were.” She hurried off to the living room and dropped the box on the coffee table. “I had to make sure the whole party was documented.” She took the lid off the box. “Can you believe that videographer said the final video won’t be done until at least Friday? I mean what did we pay him for in that case. I wanted to rewatch the entire thing.” She eyed the box. “These will just have to do until then.”
“You’re welcome.” Hal’s tone was a bit ungrateful, so Hermione ignored him. She’d have to mention that quip to his mother next time she saw her. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow, Hermione.”
She clicked her tongue. “Hal, don’t you want to look at them with me?”
“Not really.” She glared at him. “I mean, sorry, Hermione. It’s just I literally developed them all. I already looked at them.”
“Yes, but did you really look at them?” She pulled out an envelope. “Table three was all of my family that lives in Seaside. You never met them.” She pulled out another. “And table ten was all of those old crones from church! Bet they were disgusted by how everyone was dressed. You know anything short of your purse not matching your hat and shoes is a cardinal sin in their eyes.” Hal was shuffling from foot to foot, clearly not wanting to stay around. “Oh come on.” She pouted. “Mary is busy with boring school stuff and I won’t look at these alone.”
Hal sighed and took a seat on her couch as she kneeled on the floor, pulling out each envelope and laying them across the coffee table.
“There are some pretty funny ones of when everyone was doing the limbo.”
“Oh, ew, Hal. Don’t be a pervert.” Someone knocked on the door. “Go get that.”
Hal almost protests - she can see he wants to - but gets up as the knocking continues, getting louder and louder. Hermione frowns and waves him to go faster.
“Hermione!” a muffled voice calls through the door. “Are you home?”
“Fred?” Hal asks as he reaches for the door. “What’s he -”
“Oh, make him wait, won’t you?” She turns back to the envelopes and frowns. “Count to thirty at least before you open the door.”
Hal, already in front of the door, shakes his head. “Why?”
She presses a finger to her lips to quiet him. “Always make a boy wait.”
Hal rolls his eyes and she goes back to counting. Fred’s knocks are distracting but she manages to count every envelope twice before Hal finally opens the door. Fifteen.
“Hey, Fred. Oh. Alice? What are you guys -”
Fred shoves past Hal and freezes a few steps into her foyer when he sees her on the floor of the living room. She gets up with one fluid movement - thank you cheerleading drills - as Alice steps in behind Fred, staring daggers at Hal.
“What are you doing here?” Hermione asks Fred just as Alice is hissing the same thing to her boyfriend.
“I told you a million times, Alice,” Hal stutters. “I was developing the pictures from Hermione’s party for her.”
“And you couldn’t give them to her at school tomorrow?” There is a lot of accusation in Alice’s voice and in any other situation Hermione would probably go to his rescue. However -
“Where are the pictures for table fourteen?” She moves Fred out of her way with one movement of her hand until she’s standing right in front of Hal. Fred is sweating buckets and she knows it's probably from running to her house from heaven knows where but she always wants to give herself a little credit. “There are only fifteen envelopes here and none of them say table fourteen on them.”
Hal’s mouth opens and closes a few times like a fish and Alice is now directing all her nasty looks at Hermione.
“Gee, I - it should be there, Hermione. Are you sure?”
“Do you think I can’t count?”
“Of course you -”
“I have the best math average in our grade!”
“I know, I just mean -”
“Where is it, Hal?”
Hal gulped and looked between all three of them before his face finally fell. “I’m sorry, Hermione. I know there were sixteen cameras and there were sixteen when I got to school today and I swear there were sixteen when we started but - I just don’t know! I tore the Blue and Gold office apart, I went through every inch of the darkroom. I checked my car, the trunk, my locker, my gym locker. I even called my mom and asked if it was in my room and I just - I’m sorry.”
Hermione stared at him long and hard. “Out.” She snapped her fingers twice. “Now!”
“Hey,” Fred said softly as he touched her shoulder. “Maybe we just -”
“You too, Fred.” She shoved past Alice and opened the door. “All of you out. Now! And I mean it. I hope none of you think you’re going to get invited to my Madonna party next year!”
Just before she slammed the door shut she heard Alice start to ask, “We? Who was helping?” Hermione didn’t care enough to keep listening.
“You know we have a mall in Riverdale, right?” Gladys asked. FP was in one of his moods and she wasn’t going to sit in this car letting him sulk like a grouch. “Is there a reason we need to schlep our asses all the way to Greendale?”
FP shrugged, staring out the passenger window. She reached out and pinched his thigh.
“Ow!” He squatted her hand away to stop her from punching him again. “What?”
“Look, I’m doing you a favor.” It wasn’t a big favor, but it was a favor nonetheless. FP needed a ride and Gladys had her mom’s car at her disposal and it wasn’t like Greendale was that far away. It was only over the river. “The least you can do is tell me what we’re doing.”
FP reached into the inside pocket of his ridiculous letterman jacket and pulled out a little purple camera.
“You need some stupid film developed?” She almost turned the car around right then. They might be able to make it back to her place in time for Jeopardy. “We have a photo place in our own mall!”
“Yeah but Greendale has a One Hour Foto.” He shoved the camera back in his jacket. “Plus, no one knows us there.”
“Give me a break.” Gladys really had half a mind to call the whole thing off but her interest was at least piqued. ”There is nothing so important in there that we had to do this right now. There is no way you need those pictures in an hour.”
FP shrugged again and earned himself another pinch.
“Jesus, I - fine.” FP patted the pocket to make sure the camera was still there. “At Hermione’s party the other day Fred took a bunch of pictures of us and I guess he didn’t realize who’s camera this was and like - well I know he wouldn’t want this out. Better Hermione never gets her hands on them.”
“Better for Fred or better for you?”
“I -” FP glared at her. “Look we were just goofing around. They’re a joke. But you know Hermione and you know Fred and the last thing I need is some big mess between them tomorrow.”
“Because of pictures,” she pointed her finger, “of you and Fred.”
FP sighed. “You don’t get it.”
“I do.” There was a long pause. A long pause where Gladys really had to resist smacking FP in the head. “Believe me I do.”
“Thanks,” FP mutters even though she really hasn’t done much. He turns back to the window and even if she doesn’t want to, Gladys knows she’ll get a peek at those photos one way or another. But she’d at least do her part making sure no one else would.