Work Text:
Basil waltzed through the door of his little mouse home underneath known drug user Mr. sherlock holmes.
As he opened his door his family came into view. His mother, father sister, and brothers were all there with the good doctor. They sat around a large table their hands crossed worriedly.
“What is all of this?” Basil asked
Dr. Dawson shifted from his position to show Basil what was in the middle of the table - his kilo of cocaine. He had thought he had cleverly hid it from view by putting it in the drawer marked “not cocaine”.
“Basil, as your friend of the last five days, I cannot let you do the nose candy.” He said mousily, “this is an intervention sit down.”
Basil took a seat worriedly and lit his pipe, which of course was full of the subsistence.
“Ever since Ratigan straight up fell off that bell tower you haven’t been the same,” said Dr. David Q. Dawson, known war criminal. “I mean you did plenty of blow before but this is ridiculous put down the pipe man!”
Basil put down the pipe sullenly, “It was because we were secret lovers you fool!”
Basil got up and began to pace “We started seeing each other in university… we …. We were lab partners you see and then we were lovers and then we were enemies and then we were lovers and then enemies again and then enemies thereon after.”
Dawson gasped and whispers “they were lab partners….”
“After his demise via clock tower I couldn’t go on I needed something to fill the void and then…. From the roof from the apartment above fell this.” He pulled out the cocaine, “I call it ratcaine, because like Ratigan it has consumed my heart and it is also cocaine.”
“So you admit to doing cocaine….” his mother said and ripped her face off. It was the constable. She arrested him promptly.
Basil was taken away by the police and never seen again.
Moral of the story: Don't do drugs.