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Leaving Cullen’s office in silence, Evelyn felt her body shake as she crossed the battlements. She appreciated that Cullen was trying to break away from his past and addictions, but his revelations - especially about his time in Kirkwall - left her unnerved. They touched on her worst memories.
Unlike Kirkwall which was always troubled, Ostwick had a reputation as one of the most progressive, peaceful circles. When news came that the College of Enchanters had voted for independence from the Chantry, the Knight Commander assured the mages of Ostwick that they would be safe. Instead, he sent his templars through the barracks that night - slitting the throats of sleeping mages, even the children.
Chronic insomnia had saved Evelyn’s life. She had left her quarters to get some warm milk when she saw the templars coming down the hall with bloody daggers. Sliding into the shadows cast by a statue of Andraste, she watched them pass from room to room with ruthless efficiency. Somehow she escaped the templars’ notice but the demons knew where she was and whispered enticements about the revenge she could exact with their help. She resisted their lure but collapsed behind the statue resigned to death.
Somehow she didn’t die that night. A few other mages had been awake and began fighting back. Some of the templars that disagreed with the Knight Commander’s planned massacre aided them. Evelyn stayed hidden as the battle went on around her. What would people think to know their blessed Herald was a coward? That she had scrunched behind a statue while her friends fought and died?
She understood Cullen’s need to start over. Everything she had done since that night in Ostwick - from aiding rebel mages, to attending the Conclave, to accepting leadership of the Inquisition - had been to atone for her inaction. Unlike her, Cullen was a good person. He had at least done the right thing in the end at Kirkwall. She had just taken the freedom others earned with their blood when Ostwick fell.
Her path would take her past Solas and Varric, but it was the most direct route to her quarters. She needed to be alone. She needed to regain her composure, rebuild the walls she kept around herself to keep everyone from seeing what a fraud she was. Solas looked at her with concern when she entered his room. “Inquisitor, is everything alright?” he asked.
“Of course, the wind out there just took my breath away is all. Too bad you didn’t know of a fortress in a warmer location.” Another half truth, another deflection - she did it so often that it had become second nature. Besides Solas would never be able to understand wishing you could go back and change the past. She felt sure he needed no redemption.
The Maker showed her a small mercy when Varric wasn’t at his typical spot in the Great Hall. Evelyn made her way to her quarters as quickly as propriety would allow. Locking the door behind her, she collapsed into heaving sobs when she felt she was out of anyone’s earshot. But she wasn’t alone, Cole stepped out from the shadows and wrapped his arms around her. “Callow, cowardly, cold - you are not those things. I wish you could see the truth. He sees it.” Cole said cryptically.
Evelyn’s crying intensified as she clung to Cole. “I could make you forget.” he said trying to find some way to help the hurt. She shook her head fiercely and said, “No, Cole, that would just be more hiding.”
“I wish I could help. I will at least stay if you wish.” he said clearly distressed by her pain. She nodded her agreement and cried herself to sleep.
She woke up the next morning in her bed tucked underneath a mountain of blankets. Cole was sitting beside her and holding her hand. “I kept the nightmares away. I was afraid you might get cold, so I put more covers on you.” Evelyn smiled as she struggled to get out from under the pile of quilts. She wondered where he had gotten so many and figured she would hear tales around Skyhold of people waking up to find their covers missing.
“Thank you, Cole.” she said.
“I helped? Oh good!” a broad smile spread across his face, and he moved toward the door.
“Cole, one request...”
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.”
“Thank you, Cole, but that wasn’t what I was going to ask. You said that ‘He sees the truth.’ last night. Who is he?”
“Cullen.” was Cole’s sole reply as he disappeared from view.
*****************
After a bath and a light breakfast, Evelyn made her way to the war room. Leliana’s insistence on morning meetings aggravated Evelyn, but she wasn’t about to cross Sister Nightingale over something so trivial. Frankly, the sweet faced former bard terrified her. Some of the suggestions she made for “handling” problems at the war council made Evelyn’s skin crawl. There didn’t seem to be any line Leliana wouldn’t cross. Evelyn tried her best to rein in Leliana’s more vicious tendencies. Cassandra’s assessment during one of their campfire talks that Leliana had mellowed under the Inquisitor’s leadership left Evelyn dumbfounded. She hated to think of the things Leliana must have done with the former Divine’s blessing.
Cullen was absent from the war council meeting. Cassandra had insisted that he take the day off to rest and regroup. Cullen had protested at first but acquiesced when he heard that much of the day’s meeting would be spent discussing Orleasian politics. He hated the backstabbing machinations Orleasian nobles called the “Grand Game.” A day of chess with Dorian and drinks with Varric didn’t sound so bad after all.
Three hours into the session, Evelyn wished she had been given a day’s respite or maybe hemlock. Josephine’s detailed descriptions of Orleasian etiquette, house heraldries, and family alliances made Evelyn’s head throb. Every few minutes, Leliana would interject how important it would be for Evelyn to be perfectly poised in front of the court. Even Cassandra acknowledged that Evelyn would need to pander to the nobles.
When Josephine announced that the Inquisitor should remain at Skyhold for at least six weeks to take dance and etiquette lessons, Evelyn lost her cool. “There are demon-spewing rifts throughout Thedas. No one has heard anything from the Exalted Plains for weeks. Venatori have been spotted throughout the Hissing Wastes. Leaders from Emprise du Lion have begged for our assistance. And you want me to play like I’m getting ready for a fucking cotillion?”
“Precisely.” said Leliana while looking at Evelyn with a dangerously icy stare. “Outbursts like that will guarantee our failure at Halamshiral. You will learn to manage your temper, mingle with nobility, and dance with grace. If Orlais falls, then addressing the problems you outlined will not matter. You will need the support of Orlais’ nobles if you hope to broker peace for the region.”
Josephine added with genuine confusion, “Lady Inquisitor, you are a noblewoman. Most noble families see that their children are raised with a knowledge of such things. We...”
Evelyn cut her off. “Well, Josie, most families don’t send their 5 year old child off to a Circle either. I will stay here for two weeks. In that time, you can teach me as much as you want. Then I am leaving to deal with real problems. This meeting is concluded.”
Cassandra smirked as Evelyn stormed out of the room, “I like her sensibilities.”
“You would.” Leliana hissed.