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"Boodle, are you sure this is safe?" Sharessa asked as she tried to squeeze herself deeper into the cover of one of the support struts of the gnome Kaboodle's latest 'land-crawl-assault-machine'. Honesty and self-preservation made her mentally note it was the Mk 25 version of one of her friend’s latest in gnomish engineered assault vehicles.
From the pilot’s couch, a bright cheerful voice range out, "If my calculations are correct..."
Sharessa rolled her eyes hard enough to get eyestrain.
"Then we have only a 14.21483926% chance of explosive death."
"What about non-explosive?"
"100%."
"WHAT!?"
"We all die Shar,” the gnome replied cheerfully. “Despite some of the best mecha-gnome engineering inventions, the complete collapse of the biological system is as inevitable. The fun part if figuring out how."
“Fun?” Sharessa snatched her hat from her head and smacked the gnome inventor/driver/madwoman with it. “Fun!?”
“Otherwise you’d die of boredom. Statistically the third worst way to die.” She paused briefly and looked over, nose scrunching cutely beneath her thick goggles. “Though, if you ask me, getting trampled by a herd of stampeding moose should be moved up a notch." She shuddered in revulsion. "Eggggh... moose."
Sharessa opened her mouth to ask what the worst way could be and quickly thought better of it. The human woman turned the ‘long-distance-armored-glass-viewing-tube’. "That's still a lot of orcs out there."
"I know. And look, they're bunching together." Kaboodle's smile was... predatory. She grabbed a long, twisty, rubbery tube and yelled into the funnel. "Dris, you ready?"
A low sound that could either be a laugh or a growl echoed through the speaking tube. "Yes."
"This is going to be SO MUCH FUN."
"Are you sure this... 'hydraulic-bipedal-fast-ball-special-launcher- is safe?"
"Absolutely not! That’s how I know it’s going to be fantastic."
"What about Solhandris?"
"She's not safe either. That's why we..." She turned a massive crank and the turret above tracked to the orcs and then she hauled on an oversized lever painted bright red and stenciled ‘PULL ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT.’ The whole vehicle seized for a moment. It shook. The steam turbine made alarming screeching and burbling noises. Then there was a horrible, loud wooshing sound from the centerline tube. "Aim her right at the orcs. Soft, squishy landing!"
Sharessa watched in shock and horror as the kal'dorei warrior shot out of the long tube, tucked tight into a ball. As she flew, the purple skinned warrior straightened and drew twin chain swords from her hips. They started to spin. Then burst into flame.
The screams were... horrific.
High pitched.
Mercifully short.
Kaboodle turned the 'land-crawl-assault-machine' to the left as the orc formation disintegrated. A moment later, a tall, purple, red-streaked figure started loping back towards them. A long, low laugh echoed out of the ‘distance-speaking-box’" The flame generators worked perfectly. However, now we need to speed up the blades on the Mk. 4, Kaboodle."
As Kaboodle laughed, Sharessa sat down hard. How did she, a simple, humble priestess of the Light fall in with these madwomen? Sighing heavily, she opened her hatbox, rummaged around into quadrant seven and pulled out her favorite 'I'm worried now' hat.