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"Stop crying! I told you it's fucking fine!"
It wasn't.
"I'm sorry. I'm just- sniffle- scared"
Weren't they all?
"It's fine"
It fucking wasn't-
"I- sobs- I want to break up"
"Okay"
"Sorry, Bakugou-san"
....
"WHAT? SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU? BECAUSE OF YOUR QUIRK?!"
Yes.
"So- so unmanly, dude. Are you okay?!"
No.
"I fucking said I am. Stop shouting you idiots! We're in the cafeteria"
"But- I still don't get it! Why would anyone break up with Bakugou because of his quirk?!"
No idea.
"Oh GOD- Denki! Why are you so stupid?!"
"Minaaaaa-"
"It's because she's scared that Katsuki will blow her up when they hold hands or do the nasty", Sero explained.
And boy was it true. Every single girl or boy he dated seemed to be fucking afraid of Katsuki’s hands. It was always the same terrified looks on their faces whenever he tried to reach and hold hands, and the same excuses that followed after, whenever they flinched from a makeout session when he tried to cup their face.
"I'm sorry"
"I'm just scared"
"What if you let your explosives loose accidentally?!"
But, he would never. Bakugou Katsuki had had this quirk since he was a brat. He would never allow something as petty as losing control of his quirk and accidentally burning their precious hands or faces off.
And he tried- at first. He tried to explain. Yet, no one seemed convinced. They still flinched. They still cried. And they still gave the same excuses. He got fucking tired after the first two times. Why did he have to explain? Wasn't this something that required trust? Shouldn’t they fucking trust him not to lose control over his fucking own quirk?
Apparently, dosing off in his thoughts, he felt Kirishima's hand on his shoulder in a firm grip, grounding him.
"Bro, you're really manly"
He didn't like his tone- didn't like the way it seemed to be teetering on sympathetic and pitying, so he grabbed his bento lunch and left without a word. No one bothered him. Thankfully, they knew when he needed space, space to breathe and think- think more and more until his mind was tired out.
On his way out, he stumbled into someone, (god dammit what was wrong with him?) But the sight of green wild curls had him freezing.
"Ow- OH! Sorry, kacchan! I must have not seen you there, not that you aren't noticeable or anything! In fact, you're very hard to miss with your pretty blonde spikes and nice bui- EEEEPS!"
Pretty? Nice?
Katsuki watched Deku turn into a strawberry and felt his own body hum lowly. (The betrayal. What the fuck?). He really needed that space to fucking think himself to the ground.
"Shut up, Deku! Just watch where you're going!"
"Haiiiiii- Hai! Yes! Sorry! Sorry! BYE!"
He watched the nerd scatter away in a red, mumbling, mess. He knew he was never good with confrontation and emotions, and those two together served as a fucking whirlwind disaster in Katsuki's whole life. Whatever he felt towards Deku never changed since they were in kindergarten. It took different shapes throughout middle school and so, but it was still there- and he knew, whatever the fuck it was, the shitty feeling was intense and only around fucking Deku.
While he felt every single thought and emotion intensely, he knew what was around Deku had to mean something he wasn't ready to confront yet.
......
Katsuki was never about slacking or half-assing things. If he set his mind to it, he would do it perfectly no matter what. So when Aizawa confronted him in training, and in front of everyone, he fucking knew he messed up, okay?
"Bakugou, are you doing those hand massages that Recovery girl asked you to?"
No.
He wanted to lie, though, to say yes that he had someone do them for him because he couldn't himself, but when he fucking suggested the idea to one of his boyfriends, (ex right now, thank fuck), he carefully dodged the backhanded offer Katsuki made.
"Uh- I'll book us an appointment at a massage parlor! YEAH! It will be a relaxing date. I know this really good place-"
However, appointment made and all, Katsuki wasn't allowed in once they arrived because his quirk was hazardous, dangerous, and so on so forth.
Instead, he tried to do them himself. He couldn't. And, those exercises fucking recovery girl told him that he needed someone to aid him through, and he was stupid, fucking stupid enough, to suggest the idea to the person he thought he could trust.
So, no he didn't do them and no- he didn't lie.
"No. I'm fine, though. My arms, shoulders, and hands are fine"
He wasn't. He hasn't been for a long while. And they weren't fine too. They cramped a lot due to the strain his quirk put on them. And with no massages, he figured it was getting obvious during his daily training.
Aizawa sighed and suggested the craziest idea.
"Midoriya?"
Somewhere from where the nerd was training, came his high pitched nervous voice.
"Yes sensei?!"
"You are to do Bakugou's hand massage for him at the end of every single day. I assume you know the exercises?"
"Wait the hell up-"
"Yes sir!"
Aizawa nodded, and with a sharp glare towards Bakugou, he left.
Katsuki knew his fate was doomed.
.....
"Kacchan! Kacchan! Wait-"
"Matteyo Kacchan! KACCHA-"
"What you damned nerd?!"
"Is six in the evening a good time to stop by your room today for those-"
"Yeah, fucking whatever."
"Great! Uh- okay! I'll stop by then. Bye, kacchan!"
He was tired, really tired.
.....
He wasn't tired anymore. With the clock on his wall pointing at six minus five minutes, Katsuki was jittery. He kept pacing back and forth in the confines of his room. His thoughts, ghastly and ridiculous, made a point of building his anxiety over something stupid as fucking Deku getting scared of his hands or something, and refusing to do his massage.
He didn't care if Deku was scared. He fucking did not.
But, the sound he made when someone knocked on the door, suggested otherwise.
"Sorry for intruding, Kacchan!"
"Whatever, lets get it over with"
The nerd had a huge smile on his face despite the fidgeting his hands made, and the blush that rose on his face. If Katsuki wasn't busy wiping his palms with a dry towel, (for the fifth time this minute), he would have thought Deku was actually excited.
"Kacchan, I think they're dry enough"
Wiping his hands for the seventh time, Deku’s soft mumble startled him. He shook his head. Quickly trying to get a hold of his spiraling self. What the fuck was he doing? Why was he so nervous? So anxious? So fucking- confused?
"Yeah okay, you know them right, Deku?"
"Yes! I'll start! Um- would you rather we sit on the floor or bed?"
Katsuki only flopped on the floor, leaning on the bed behind him for support and laying his legs straight.
Deku sat on his knees beside his shoulder blades, so fucking close, Katsuki had half the mind to shift away. Thanking all the spirits out there, he sighed in relief that the massage required to start from his shoulders then end at his palms.
Deku worked in silence, kneading Katsuki's right shoulder with the hands of an expert, that he felt himself relax into the touch immediately. His shoulders had lots of tense knots that, he belatedly realized, needed this.
Every once in a while, Deku would sigh, and his hot breath would brush Katsuki's sensitive neck. A particular hard knot unwinding, had him nearly moaning in delight, but only a gasp escaped him. Deku's hands paused, but Katsuki was far too gone to care. He never knew that having someone take care of him felt this good, and now he can’t get enough. He liked to be the one on the receiving end for once in his life.
He shifted closer to Deku, leaning his head on the other's shoulder, hair tickling his nose as he sniffed the smell of pine and wood.
"K-K-Kacchan?"
"Shut up and get it done, nerd"
"H-Hai!"
And so Deku continued, silently working his way down Katsuki's arm. The moment his fingers made contact with Katsuki's palm, the latter flinched and shifted away, suddenly tense and painfully aware of Deku staring at him, anxious and worried for him just like always.
"Kacchan are you okay?"
Was he? That's what everyone seemed to be asking him lately. Ignoring the urge to bite back with a nasty reply, Katsuki reached for his towel and dried his hands. Once, twice, thrice- until fucking Deku snatched it away from him.
"The fuck Deku?! Give it back, you shitstain!"
"Kacchan you're not being yourself!"
"HAH?!"
Bakugou could only stare wide eyed at Deku as he made a move to stand up and mumble nervously.
"You were really tense at first, but then the massage got to you so you relaxed but whenever I move down your arm you tense! You go as rigid as a brick and I thought it was weird, but I didn't give it much thought, but then I reach your palm exercises and you literally flinch to wipe your palms?! Why are you wiping them so much? I saw you wiping them five times at least! Are Kacchan's palms sweating a lot? If that's the case then I don't mind! But you seem almost nervous or scar-"
Deku gasped, cutting himself mid rant, but it was already too late. He seethed in rage, but it all deflated when Deku made a hesitant move towards him with tears in his eyes.
Katsuki was going to get a whiplash.
"The fuck-"
"Kacchan, are- are the rumors true?"
"What rumors, you dipshit?! And stop crying, for fucks sake"
But Deku only sniffled more before determination set in his eyes. Deku reached abruptly for his palms, only to have Katsuki stumble back and fall on the bed out of the way. He wanted to scream, to curse Deku to death and then follow suit with himself, but the nerd didn't give him much choice as he, purposely, straddled Katsuki on the bed.
"Kacchan, you're amazing!"
"Sugoi, Kacchan! Sugoi!"
Katsuki's heart threatened to burst out of his chest. He knew what this meant, what this feeling entitled, but even if it hit him in the face, he will die before admitting that he felt anything towards that nerd.
"Everything about Kacchan is amazing. From athlete to will to ambitions and to quirk! Your quirk is amazing!"
Katsuki positively melted. The praise, the massage, hell-the fact that he was being taken care of made him melt on the spot. He wanted this. He wanted someone to tell him that, that he was amazing and his quirk was amazing. He needed the reassurance. Lately, all what he has been hearing was how hazardous his quirk was, and how they implied he, THE Bakugo Katsuki, was not competent enough to keep it under wraps.
He hated it- despised the fact that he needed to hear this, and the fact that it was coming from Deku did weird things to him. He felt ready to combust right then and there.
Deku’s eyes on him were fierce, determined, and so open. Always willing to get his point across no matter what, to show his perseverance strongly.
"I don't want you to hear their words, Kacchan. I don't want you to remember the look in their eyes whenever your quirk is mentioned."
Deku's hands, calloused from scars and training, traced his face, touching his forehead, cheeks, and nose before tracing down and grasping his unbelievably sweaty hands.
"You should only hear my words, Kacchan. Look at me, only. They don't understand. They don't know what they're talking about"
He pulled at Katsuki's hands, placing them on his own face, forcing his fingers to curl and cup his cheeks. The moment was so intimate. Katsuki was so surprised and confused. He didn't know if he wanted to blast Deku’s stupid face away or hold him closer, pull him even closer as to not shatter the moment.
However, Deku took reign. He squeezed his hand, keeping his own over his when Katsuki made a move to pull them back. He didn't hate this a lot- having someone else take reign, take the initiative, do what Katsuki was always afraid of doing lately because of rejection.
"Kacchan would never do something as stupid as losing control of his quirk. I do that, Denki does that, Uraraka does that, Iida, Todoroki, but not Kacchan. Never Kacchan."
He let Deku's voice pass over him like molten lava. He was burning, everywhere, ready to be launched off into outerspace like a rocket only running on Deku’s words. He let himself be swept off his feet, let himself relax, pull back and hand the wheel over to Deku, trusting the nerd not to let him crash.
"Kacchan's too amazing for that"
The last words were like a boost to his ego, fuel for his recently fragile confidence, a slap to reality- a reality were he remembered that yes, he was too amazing for losing control of his quirk, that yes, he was in control of this amazing thing he carried since childhood.
He wanted to hug the nerd, maybe lay down till morning and have him rock Katsuki's words with all that praise whispered to his ears, sweet nothings that sometimes were gibberish mumbles and sometimes were clear phrases as the sun in a scorching hot desert. He definitely felt like being the last part, a scorching hot desert at the mercy of Deku's words that burned him like no other sun could.
He didn't feel like taking the initiative, though. He wanted Deku to come to him, to give, give, and give, without having Katsuki take it from him. And as if Deku was a mind reading angel sent from above for him, and him alone, Deku understood.
"Kacchan, you're too good for them- Always were, always will be. You're too good for this world, kacchan"
Removing his hands from Katsuki's own on his face, he gently, oh so gently, pushed him down, going after him, spooning him from behind, and through it all, Katsuki had not uttered a word. He felt like he was underwater, but breathing better than he ever had before.
Lining his mouth on his ear, Deku whsipered everything that Katsuki wanted to hear and more. He told his Kacchan how amazing he was, how beautiful he was like this, how too good, too great for this world he was.
"Kacchan's beautiful like this. All mine, only hearing me, only seeing me, only feeling me"
The nerd would take a pause every now and then, leaving chaste kisses on the back of his neck, on his arms, the middle off his back, and his palms. He'd have Katsuki's palms facing towards him and kissing them as if nothing mattered other than him right now, other than showing him how he wasn't scared of the tiniest possibility that those hands might blast him off the face of Earth any moment.
And he shuddered and shivered through it all, felt as if his body was putty in Deku's hand. The wolrd could end and he wouldn't notice admist Deku’s hands roaming all over his body and his mouth whispering all those melodies to his ears, and his ears alone.
He probably pushed back against the warmth behind him, seeking for more of that comfort, more of that praise, more of that mine, mine, mine. And when that wasn't enough anymore, he probably turned around and buried his face right above Deku's beating heart as kisses continued to trail from the top of his head to his forehead and all the way down to his hands.
"Kacchan, Kacchan- you're so good, so good for me. Aren't you? Too good for them, but so- so good for me. Right?"
He probably nodded, maybe said yes a couple of times, but he didn't notice. He felt like a piece of matter suspended in space, in limbo. Half of him here, the other burning in hell or putty in heaven. The fast pace of Deku's beating heart under his ears, under his mercy, was music to him. He felt powerful and helpless at the same time, melting and exploding all the same.
Deku was right. He was too good for those stupid airheads, too good for those lame ass cowards he called exes now, too good for the whole universe. But for Deku, he was just so good, right? He had to be. The nerd was telling him all that as if it was easy as breathing and Katsuki was breathing alright, gasping for air every two seconds, but alive more than he had ever been. All his nerve endings felt on fire. His whole world felt like it was crumbling under the nerd's mercy only to have the chaos chased away by Deku's soothing touch immediately.
"Kacchan, Kacchan, Kacchan- will you let me? Let me take care of you? Remind you how good you are over and over again? Will you?"
Deku sounded positively choked up, like he was sobbing ugly and weird just like how he always looked when he cried, but Katsuki probably nodded, probably said yes. He wouldn't know.
He only heard Deku, saw Deku, and felt Deku all around him.