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Some might compared their lovers to that of the Sun - a bright presence whose always so warm to be around yet still radiant. A constant presence in ones life who always brightens your days with their gleeful smiles that one cannot help but return as they share an embrace in each others arms. It makes so much sense with how many ways you could compare them to the Sun in so many poetic ways. It feels kind, as it nurtures the crops that rely on its light and brings warmth, no matter how small, to even the coldest of climates.
Yet its far too much, for someone like you. It's constant presence in the sky feels as though its ever watching, overbearing almost in its light that it feels like it could be suffocating you almost. It is far too much for the likes of you it felt, with its overwhelming heat and light in the sky, killing the same life it seeks to soothe with its light and warmth by scorching them with its droughts and blinding those same humans who look upwards in hopes of gaining its love.
It'd be more fitting to compare your own lover Leviathan to the ever watching Moon. Enveloping the world in its comforting darkness and the soft moonlight shining through the stars and clouds, a light in ones dark, cold world. It is soothing, it is reassuring as it covers all in the darkness as stars glitter across the sky and light shines upon the roads for travelers who yet wander in the world, careful not to lead them astray.
There truly could be no doubt - He was your moon, your rock in this turbulent life you've had so far. He was quick to dismiss any praise to himself, not truly believing that he is truly someone deserving of something so intangible, so precious, like love. Yet you were truly no different to him in this aspect you would soon come to realize early on in your blossoming relationship of shy glances and delicate touches between the two of you. The closer you two got, the more that feeling of inadequacy further grew in your heart.
Is it really okay to continue this?
Doesn't he think its weird to be in a relationship with a human?
The thoughts started out small, like any other small seed of doubt you've held in your mind before. That wasn't the problem. It was how much more frequent they would soon become.
Do I truly deserve to have such joys?
What if he doesn't want me anymore after this?
Can I really make him happy?
Am I truly even good enough to stand by his side?
These small insecurities prick at you starting off small at the start, but seeps in like poison bringing your already crumbling self-esteem to even more almost(?) impressive levels of self-loathing.
There was just so much to worry about about this, from how self-deprecating you were to yourself, to the generals of how you and Levi even got into this relationship despite the very rocky start the two of you had, not to mention how very awkward he could still be with you with even the most simplest of touches and chaste kisses on the cheek.
You do know he's in the exact same boat as you when it comes to this, yet the raging battle in your own brain likes to say otherwise. You do try to chase off these negatives thought you have as best as possible but there's only so much you can handle and you can feel yourself breaking down slowly.
Which is exactly what happened on this very day.
It was late in the evening as you returned to your bedroom within the House of Lamentation. It had been a rougher day in school as nothing felt like it was going your way, then suddenly being dragged around by Mammon as he takes you out to get more clothes since he was paid recently by his modeling agency, only to end up being chased by witches alongside with him and almost getting cursed in the process though you guys did end up losing them after a good while but it still ended up with you and Mammon, short of breath and haggard. He had good intentions surely.... but it only added fuel to the flames in your aching body as you two dragged your worn bodies back home so you could finally freshen up and hopefully destress from this very, very rough trip. You also wanted to meet up with your boyfriend throughout the whole day but you had to keep pushing him back as you were dragged around by a terrified Mammon and constantly apologizing to him through your D.D.D as you swear to him that you'll make it up to him.
As you enter your room you promptly go to collapse on your bed, legs aching too much to want to go shower right away so you let yourself be taken in by the soft mattress beneath you and slowly just exhaled, slowly letting your body relax. Yet your mind was anything but relaxed.
With how flippant I've been acting today towards Levi there's no way he'd want me anymore now...
Stop it. Your mind is a mess. Your days been terrible and now you feel like absolute dogshit with how you've been treating Levi all day. Its all becoming too much for you to handle tonight, yet you dare not allow yourself to cry and allow the others to see you in such a state. So for now you shuffle your body lazily to reach out and pull your pillow close to you, clutching it tightly as you press your face deep into the pillow and start letting out your weak sobs.
I don't deserve his love.
Stop it.
I don't deserve him
No more, please I beg of you.
I don't deserve to be happy with him.
You bite down on the pillow to muffle the cries you let out as the tears keep flowing freely. Your hands practically must be pale white now from the death grip they have on this abused pillow, your train of thought being to focused on yourself to hear the knocking that's been going on for a little bit. But as soon as you almost screamed into your pillow-
"MC..... are you doing alright? You've been ignoring my messages...Do we still have plans to meet up tonight?"
Fuck.
You couldn't stop yourself from crying even harder as you realized just what you have done. You could recognize the voice outside of the door of course and you remember the plans you made a few days ago to begin the new anime of the season with him when it aired at night. But right now, more then ever, you truly wish you could vanish for ignoring him like this. But you didn't even have the strength to call out to him as your tears continue to flow on, not caring how stained with tears and snot your pillow has become. But he soon realized outside of the door, you were crying alone in your room and in a small panicky state, quickly tried (and failed at first) opening your door and entering inside after his small flounder. He knew exactly what kind of mental state you were in right at the moment, how could he not when he's experienced the very same oh so many times in his long life?
You could feel his trembling hand on your shoulder as your body automatically jolts backwards a bit, not expecting such a sensation at the moment. You wanted more of his soft touch on you, to hold you close to him and allow yourself to relax into him yet you couldn't allow him to see you in such a pathetic state. You didn't want him to see how disheveled you were, your hair a mess with splotches of wetness from crying all over it along your pillow, your face, with your runny nose and eyes that looked bloodshot with dried tears and drool on you, your hands with are slightly bleeding from pressing your fingernails deep into your palms that they started bleeding who knows when? Your body shook as he gently turned your head towards him so he could see you, a masterpiece in his eyes, no matter how disheveled you appeared at the moment, yet still unsure on how to comfort another person who looks like they've been holding in their tears for so long until they truly broke.
"W-what h-happened MC? Could you please tell me...?" He tried hard not to choke on his own saliva that got caught in his throat. It hurt him so deeply seeing you so anxious and upset. He mentally cursed himself on how stiff and awkward he felt as he slowly moved his hands to grab your own two, then quickly panicking when he sees blood. "Y-you're bleeding! L-let me go find something to patch you up with-"
"You don't need too..." Was all you could mumble out, head hanging low to avoid his worried gaze. "I-it doesn't even hurt so its fine.."
"You expect me to believe that?!" His hands cover his mouth real quickly as he realized how loud he raised his voice at and quickly hushed out a small apology over it. "I-I, even if you don't find it concerning, I do! I-I really care for you after all... so please come with me so I can bandage this up." His voice faltering at the end as he tried to help you get up from your bed, your body weighting like lead almost in a sense yet you complied silently.
You two soon end up in your bathroom, your body slowly trudging behind him as he awkwardly checks in your cabinets where you could be keeping any bandages for him to use. You truly couldn't say anything as you felt so ashamed to be ''caught'' in such a state, all you could do was sniff every few seconds as your tears start drying up.
"There I wrapped up your hands up now.." He began speaking slowly, but soon after his hand lands on your shoulder which causes you to look at him out of surprise and he soon continues. "Now can you please tell me whats going on...? You've been silent this whole time... Am I not even worthy of an explanation?"
"N-no you a-are..!" You quickly retorted, your voice cracking. You felt so shitty and while your legs no longer ached like they did about 40 minutes ago, your head was now pounding and you still felt too ashamed to look at him in the eyes.
He was wasted on you, how could he say he wasn't worthy of an explanation?
"I.. I just never wanted to be seen like this." You tried not to cry again as you choked on the end of your sentence. "I never wanted you to see me in such a terrible state."
Silence.
"....Why? Why couldn't you let me see it?" Was all Leviathan could say. Were you ashamed to be caught? If so, then what does that make him in your eyes? Someone especially shameful as he cried all those nights, alone and shaken up in his bathtub? As he tried to hide himself from the world, isolated and surrounded by his gaming and anime merch?
"..Are you ashamed of me?" He muttered in a shaky whisper, as he turns his vision away from you, but quickly jerked back to look at you in the eyes. He realized you pulled him close to your face and he couldn't help but blush brightly and avoid your gaze.
"Never! You've never made me ashamed Leviathan! I should be asking that question instead!" You started sobbing again as you started speaking quickly and denying his accusation of him being shameful in your eyes. He could never be shameful. He was your light in this dark, cruel world after all. Your moon, shining down on your path that helps you to keep going, even when the days are rough and your spirit is breaking. You loved him and needed him.
"I-I.. I really don't want to lose you Levi. I.. I love you. You are the only one I've loved so badly like this.. I'm so happy with you I just don't want to mess this up..!" You confessed, trying your best not to show your crying face so you cover your face with your hands, soaking your bloodied bandages with tears.
Though try as you might, Leviathan wasn't going to let you hide from him. Awkward and uncertain as he was he knew one thing: he also deeply loved you and would not let himself mess this up for once. He once again gently takes your hands into his, carefully prying them from your face and soon releases them to bring you into a close embrace, pressing your face closer to his body so you could hide your face in his chest if you'd like. You quickly relax into his body, crying your heart out as he awkward stayed a bit still, uncertain if he should stroke your head in comfort. His heart quickly starts racing and he turns bright red as you wrap your arms around him as he did to you and look up to his face after what feels like its been forever since he's last seen your beautiful face.
"T-thank you Levi.. I never meant to worry you.. I'm truly a terrible partner, huh?" You tried jokingly saying but he shakes his head quickly.
You weren't terrible. You weren't shameful at all. No, you weren't anything like you believed yourself to be, he was certain. "You're truly the most wonderful person I've ever met MC, I-I'm really lucky I get to be your b-boyfriend. You're so patient with me, so kind to me when I'm not to you OR me, so it hurts to see you like this... You deserve to be happy, not to have to worry about everything in your life constantly..."
He was out of his element you could tell. Then again, so were you as you weren't accustomed to being comforted at all like this. But you could tell even though his heart was practically going through so much turmoil and his palms were slicked with sweat, you could tell he was doing his damned best to make sure you weren't the unlovable monster you thought you were. He gently laid his hand to your chin and moved your face so that he could see you, even if you were at your worst. Though you tried to clean your face earlier when he was finding bandages for your palms, you still find yourself with as many wet tears as before, luckily no snot this time though. But you couldn't help but try and jerk your face away, unable to look him in the eyes, yet he wouldn't let you move. His own nerves were screaming at him to let go and hide his own face from yours, flush with embarrassment at how bold he's being at this moment. His shaky hand cups your cheek gently as he wipes one of your tears away softly with his thumb.
Slowly, you become calmer as your breathing steadies itself back to a normal pace and your crying ending mere moments after. You mutter another apology to him as you manage to finally look into his awe-striking eyes that never fail to make you lose your breath.
"D-do you feel all better now MC..?" he tentatively questioned, knowing full well you wouldn't be fully better per se, but hoping you at least at this very moment in time were in a better place mentally then you were about 20 minutes ago.
"Yes... I think I'm alright Levi. Thank you so much and, well... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for hiding this side of me from you Levi." You meekly replied, mumbling here and there on your sentence as you nervously fidgeted with your hands.
"I m-mean I don't really blame you..." he mumbled quietly, glancing away from you for a moment, before shyly looking back to you and continuing on. "After all... I'd do the same if you hadn't already seen me at all my worsts lol...."
Well. You can't really deny that considering this is Leviathan.
You gave him a half smile as you gently placed one of your hands atop his unoccupied hand that lied on the side and gave a reassuring squeeze. "Well.. now you've seen mine so its a bit fairer now, wouldn't you say?"
With that statement and the combined hand atop of his he blushed slightly and gave you a kind smile. A part of him wants to retort by bringing up the very fact he did try to kill you once, But... well its a memory best left unmentioned, that and he did apologize for it eventually.
He soon quickly turns a bit nervous again as he wracks through his brain to think of something else to try and reassure you more but again: this is NOT his forte! Animes tend to skim through the rougher moments characters in relationships have, and none of his videogames have ever truly showed him a moment between his character and his love interests in games like this yet he knows deep down in his heart, even if he knew of any such scenes in his preferred medias that he'd still want to comfort you with his own choice of words and actions. For you truly do mean the world and more to him.
He awkwardly inches himself closer to you and after taking in a deep breath, steadies his gaze to match yours. He gives you a reassuring stare as he quietly starts talking.
"I.. I just want you to know MC. T-that I'll still l-love you no matter how much you feel like your unworthy of it or feel that you don't love yourself. That will never change, no matter what. T-there's no one else I'd ever love after all! Y-you got that?!" He couldn't help the sudden almost aggressive-like tone at the end as he quickly removes his hand from your face and (fails too) cover his face with his one hand in embarrassment.
His sudden honesty at that moment caught you slightly off-guard as your own cheeks soon gain a tint of red to them yet you didn't care at that moment how flustered he made you felt. You were just so happy and you felt so loved. He truly was like that of the moon to you, he just made you feel so safe in his presence and calming. You wished to show him just how safe and cherished you felt when you were just by his side. Why bother with words when you could just embrace him and pepper him in as many kisses as possible? So that's exactly what you were going to do, as you scooted up to him and suddenly embraced him, which in return made him practically squeak. You didn't stop your attack, instead, you softly faced him as you release a grip on him momentarily, only to pull his hand away from his face so you can gently kiss him to express even more of your love towards him. You gently kept one arm wrapped around his body in a half embrace, and the other to gently hold his hand that was keeping you from kissing him that moment as you pull back from him after mere seconds.
"S-sorry I just was so happy I wanted to show you literally.. ahaha...." You shyly confessed as you stared at his flustered face, which desperately tried not to make eye contact with you (which was the usual around here so you weren't too surprised.) but you didn't mind and grinned adoringly at your beloved.
"W-warn me the next time please!" Was all he could squeak out, heart feeling like its about to jump out of his throat. But he knew that you understood what he truly meant even if he had played the tsundere card again as he tended to do. He couldn't help but still shyly beam back at you, trying to match your energy as the two of you essentially continued on throughout the night like a lovesick couple yet again, snuggled up to one another by the time you both passed out late into the night. When the morning finally rises and one of the brothers tries to bring you two too breakfast, they will see the two of you perfectly snug against one another, complete opposites like the Sun and Moon, yet a perfect match as its clear on your expressions that you two are truly happy together.